Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

george: hey...are you good? you logged off really quickly after the stream

dream read the text, over and over, always pausing to glance at george’s profile photo for a second longer. his profile photo for george started as a joke, they were on call and dream just stole a picture a fan edited off of twitter and slapped it on without even adjusting dimensions. after they ended the call dream quickly adjusted it so he could see all of george’s face. he didn’t know why he did it back then. now he does. he really wished he didn’t. he didn’t want to know that he was in love with george.

dream: yeah i'm fine i was just tired

to be fair, he was. but it wasn’t why he logged off, and he knew george knew that. but dream would put up another act. pretend he hadn’t paid so much attention to george he knew what every small change in how george breathed meant. act like he didn’t think about george so often he had his picture carved in his mind. “fake it ‘til you make it.” he heard his mother’s voice in his head so clear. recalling simpler days when the most important thing that the quote was used for was whatever dumb sport he had decided to sign up for that year.

all of it seemed so trivial now. then again, everything seems trivial compared to george. dream felt blessed to even have small conversations with george. “if god isn’t real then why does george exist, checkmate atheists” he thought to himself. chuckling, he picks up his phone to read what george had sent him. and suddenly he doesn’t know how to breathe. 

george: okay...but you know you can tell me when something’s wrong, right?

dream can feel nothing but shock. it's like this everytime george shows him that he cares. he feels like he can't breathe. why did george do this to him? why couldn't he just not care? it kept giving dream hope, only for his mind to turn around, reminding him again and again;

he will never love you. he is an untouchable god. all you are, and all that you will ever be, is a little boy.

dream: yeah, i know.

Chapter Text

george heard his phone go off again, signaling another message from dream. he excitedly opened it, always expecting dream to open up a bit more.

dream: yeah, i know.

george almost threw his phone, dream never trusted him. george always ends up in these situations, sharing so much about his life, only to hear nothing back but pointless facts about the other, and left with the feeling that he over-shared.

george: well, i'm going to bed now, goodnight

he shut off his light and tuned out the notification sound. opting instead to fall asleep, and ignore his friend that he cared so much for, the friend that didn't seem to care for him.

~a week later~

"chat, i'm bi."

george's hands are shaking. he quickly ended the stream, feeling overwhelmed, and immediately heard the pings signalling that his friends rejoined the call.

"george."

"yeah clay?"

"i don't really...know what to say here, if i'm being completely honest."

oh no. oh shit. was dream secretly homophobic? he heard sapnap and karl fidgeting around, offering no help.

"i'm proud of you george."

george smiles so much. clay had no idea how much that meant to him.

"thank you clay."

"yes! george! we are so proud of you, i gotta ask though, why didn't you tell us?"

george knew the question was coming. the real answer was that he felt like if he was on call with just his friends, without the chat scrolling by to remind him there were people there. he might over-share again. but he couldn't tell them that.

"i don't really know to be honest. this was a very spontaneous decision."

it was not.

"it felt right to like come out right then."

you have been planning this for weeks.

"seriously, i would've told you guys first, but the opportunity was there and i wanted to take it."

stop lying george. this is why no one trusts you. this is why clay will never love you.

"i appreciate you guys so much, but i'm going to log off, i'm kinda overwhelmed."

"goodnight george!"

aw look, your parents still hate you. didn't you hear them? they said "we could never love a sinner like you."

no! george is screaming in his mind. that was sapnap and karl, they were saying goodnight.

believe what you want to, you know what they really want to say.

"goodnight karl, goodnight sapnap."

"goodnight george, i love you."

george's heart flutters.

clay doesn't really love you. he just wants you to think he does. he will never love you.

"goodnight clay, thank you."

Chapter Text

"guys, i want to see you, come visit me! now."

dream had been pulling this bit the entire stream, refusing to get on minecraft but interrupting george, karl and sapnap's call to be 'sad' because he's never seen his real life friends. he was actually sad about it, but he was going to be overdramatic for the bit.

"dream! shut up!"

dream watches george's character fall into the void, seemingly messing up because of clay's incessant whining. feeling a pang of regret for making george sad, he almost apologizes. until he remembers that george is streaming.

they can't know, even if george can't realize you're in love with him one of his viewers will.

"no! george!"

quickly drawn out of his thoughts by sapnap's helpless screaming, he realizes he does still have to show emotions besides fake sadness to the viewers. throwing out a half-hearted laugh he realized this wasn't enough, even george, who is extremely oblivious, would notice. and he did.

"well guys, i think i'm going to end the stream here. bye! see you all soon!"

dream watches the stream disappear off of his monitor and listens to george take a breath before talking again.

"clay, what's wrong."

"yeah dream, you sound actually sad, what's up"

they all sit quietly in the call for a second, while dream slowly builds up his confidence to tell them.

“i…”

“dream, it’s okay.”

clay’s shaking slows, george’s voice calming his nerves.

“i actually really wanna see you guys, i don’t-”

“clay, why on earth were you nervous about that.”

“yeah! dream! we always want to hang out with you, you’re the asshole who won’t hang out with us.”

clay laughs at sapnap's words, and soon hears the rest of his friends join in.

"well i'm tired, so i'm gonna go to sleep, talk to you all tomorrow"

"goodnight dream!"

sapnap and karl are in sync so often it's funny at this point.

"goodnight sapnap, goodnight karl."

"goodnight clay."

george said it so innocently, and dream couldn't help but be even slightly happy about it. it hurt his heart of course, but if george knew? clay would probably never get to talk to george again. that fate was hundreds of times worse than never opening up. never sharing.

in the end, this is safer.

"goodnight…"

let yourself keep up the illusion that he cares.

"clay?"

holding your feelings is better than never being able to feel again.

"george. goodnight george."