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[AA4A] The Boston Kool-Aid Party [The Kool-Aid Man Fucks You at the Boston Tea Party][A Red Coat Watches][Shitpost][Humor] [Political Jokes][Kool-Aid Creampie][Banter][Historical?][Period Accurate Dialogue?][
Background: I don't fucking know. I apologize in advance for this script
Setting Notes: Alternate universe Boston 1773 where they spill Kool-Aid instead of tea and the Kool-Aid man shows up...because of reasons.
Character Notes: It's the Kool-Aid Man and a Red Coat. Have fun?
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Red Coat: You there, halt! Go no further. Whilst from your dress I cannot determine your sex, I can easily surmise the nature of your intentions and must advise you to turn back. You are still a loyal citizen to your British*colony and would be disowning your own country were you to spill this....kool-aid. The crown has well-provided for you. And surely you must consider such an act of treason unspeakable.
*crash*
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah! Fuck, yeah it is! Unspeakably awesome! Right, bitch?
Red Coat: What on earth? Who the bloody hell are you?
Kool-Aid Man: Who does it look like, bitch? I'm the motherfucking Kool-Aid Man!
Red Coat: I know no being by such a name nor do I hope to ever meet one again. You are so monstrous that you are beyond imagination.
Kool-Aid Man: Well, get used to it, baby. American capitalism is here to fucking stay and there is nothing that you Brits can do about it.
Red Coat: I-I
Kool-Aid Man: Now you. Bitch in the lame-o costume? Dump that motherfucking Kool-Aid into the harbor. I promise, baby. It will be worth it. I'm a sign of all the totally awesome things to come.
Red Coat: No, I assure you that is still a most unwise decision, sir or ma'am. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from such an action. And do you truly wish to trust the opinion of a giant cylindrical vat over a royal guard?
Kool-Aid Man: Whatever, Mr. tight knickers. Listen bitch, ain't ya been listening to your founding fathers? No taxes unless you voted on that shit. It ain't fair that they making you pay for this damn fine kool-aid. So, dump it, you loser. Show 'em who's boss.
Red Coat: Oh, cease with your nonsense. Such taxes are common and will remain common. You are surely not so naive as to think that any nation would ever completely abolish such practice? Should the patriots have their way and gain independence, their country would in all likelihood continue such traditions. Unless they intend on granting suffrage to even those who are not citizens, they will only repeat that which they claim to appall.
Kool-Aid Man: We ain't perfect, bitch. Nobody is. But fuck that British aristocracy. All men are fucking created equal, baby.
Red Coat: A sentiment that in itself that excludes at least half the population. And, in its current context, only applies to wealthy landowners. Honestly, why bother with the Kool-Aid at all? All that you will be doing is trading one aristocracy for another.
Kool-Aid Man: Listen, bitch. Equality is a radical idea. It may take a while to catch on, but US of A, we do it best, baby.
Red Coat: I cannot claim to know what the future holds, but I have a strong suspicion that such a promise will not be kept.
Kool-Aid Man: Oh, fuck off, Dude. In America bitch, we always keep our promises.
Red Coat: I suppose that might explain why you will still likely be wed to the same document three hundred years from now. Speaking of which, you might suggest to those aforementioned founding fathers to take a little more care with their comma placement. I can imagine some clauses might be cause for confusion if you were to senselessly rely upon one a singular document to determine the fate of your nation sate.
Kool-Aid Man: Bruh, at least we fucking try to stand for something. Bitch, dump that Kool-aid. Or do you wanna stay stuck with Sir. Stiff Upper Lip? Because fuck that. Oh YEAH! Emotions are great. And us Americans wear them proud.
Red Coat: We believe it is important to maintain a countenance of civility. Hence, not dumping kool-aid into an otherwise clear harbor. If you wish to make a point, then there are proper channels. Perhaps, if you wrote a politely worded letter.
Kool-Aid Man: Man, fuck this shit. Bitch, I'm tellin' you. In a couple centuries, those pricks will have all the same problems we do. So, at least let yourself live without a stick up your ass. Dump the Kool-Aid. Dump the Kool-Aid. Oh fucking yeah.
Red Coat: Will you please cease with your yelling. You will not convince anyone with such antics. 'Oh yeah' or otherwise.
Kool-Aid Man: Alright, enough of this shit. Bitch, listen. I see that damn smirk on your face. I know that you gotta thing for some damn fine cherry kool-aid. So, I'll tell you what, dump that powder into the water and I'll fuck you in whatever random orifice you want. Oh yeah! I got the goods. I promise ya.
Red Coat: Sir....or Ma'am, while I have no idea as to what your..provilivities might be...I must advise you against indulging in this abomination. Surely, you cannot possibly enjoy getting..erm taken by that creature. Dump the Kool-Aid if you must but please do not engage-
Kool-Aid Man: Hey, bro. Fuck you. Come on, babe. I know that you want this cock. Dump it. Dump it.
Red Coat: Honestly, if you-
*splash*
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah! That's fucking right bitch. Oh yeah! I could kiss you. Nah, fuck it. I *will* kiss you.
*making out noises*
Red Coat: I...my eyes know not what is before them.
*making out noises*
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah, bitch. That's it. Whip out my hard glass kool-aid filled cock. I want to spill my juices all over you.
*moaning*
Red Coat: I should turn my head yet I remain transfixed on the preposterous image that lies with me. I have no words to explain my unrest.
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah, bitch. Oh yeah. Fucking take it. Take my wet hard cock like a jug takes sweet cherry kool-aid.
Red Coat: I cannot understand their attraction yet their passion is unfathomably lush. It truly boggles the mind. It would be wondrous if it was not so horrifying.
Kool-Aid Man: Come on, bitch. I'm getting close. Oh, yeah bitch. Are you ready to feel my delicious cum inside you?
*moaning*
Kool-Aid Man: Oh, you better be fucking ready, bitch.
Red Coat: My mind is in no way prepared for this scene. I will forever spend the remainder of my days seeking to understand its purpose. I hold both every and no regret.
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah bitch. Cum with me. Fucking cum with me.
Red Coat: This is truly our world's future? If so, I'm not sure that I wish to know it.
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah baby. I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna-
Kool-Aid Man (orgasming): Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.
Red Coat: And so much kool-aid has been spilled here today. For better or for worse.
Kool-Aid Man: Oh bitch, you're fucking amazing.
Red Coat: I suppose I should take my leave of you now although you've long been blind my presence. It seems appropriate to give you a moment of solitude. And by all means, spill more tea..erm kool-aid if you would like. I no longer care about your loyalty to the crown. The colony's strife seems petty in comparison to the awe of what I have just witnessed. Good day to you both.
Kool-Aid Man: Come on, bitch. Are you ready for two round?
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah, baby! Let freedom fucking ring!