Work Text:
Last week, I
I had too much clutter in my mind
Wasted so much of our precious time
I swear it scared me
Yes, it's true
I didn't hold you like I wanted to
You ease my mind just like you always do
That's when you tell me
Nothing you say's gonna push me away
So don't brush it under the rug
'Cause when we get through the struggle
That's when we level up
“...and now you missed the opportunity for a perfectly lame and annoying pun. What’s the matter, Chaton? Is something bothering you?”
Chat Noir averted his gaze from the piercing blue eyes of his concerned partner. He wasn’t ready to have this conversation immediately after the exhausting battle that they had just won. He just wanted to lay on the roof where they were currently sitting, breathe deeply, and count stars.
Some of them shined really bright, making it possible to trace constellations. Maybe he could show them to Ladybug? Or maybe it would be better to stay alone to gather his bearings instead of being focused on her presence and each movement.
“Hello? Earth to Chat?” Slightly irritated notes were heard in Ladybug’s melodic voice, and Chat winced. He knew that she was going to scold him for being reckless. Again. And again, every time he shielded her from danger, as if something could really change in their dynamic.
“Yes, My Lady,” the superhero sighed, trying to sound cheerful. His reply didn’t sound convincing even to him.
“I’m asking you what’s happening,” Ladybug continued interrogating him. “You’re gloomy these days and barely talk to me. It affects our teamwork, and not in the best way. And today…”
Chat turned his head in her direction and noticed her hands trembling. Ladybug bit her lower lip, collecting herself, then slowly released the breath that she had been holding, and continued. “Today you didn’t even listen to my instructions, just jumped to catch the blast of energy from Ultra Hunter’s flashlight. And you… you…”
Chat was surprised by the desperate sob that escaped her lips. Ladybug hid her face in her hands and mumbled quietly, “You disappeared. Again.”
Chat couldn’t bear to see tears and hear her voice so broken. But he wasn’t in the mood to joke either. So he just honestly voiced the first thought that came into his mind.
“Eh, the world doesn’t end when I get hit by an akuma.”
Ladybug lifted her head from her hands’ clutch and focused her intense stare on him. Several waves of different emotions flickered on her face, leaving Chat in unease. “Mine does,” she rasped in a minute that seemed like eternity to him.
He blinked in disbelief, feeling his stomach churning at the truth. “What are you talking about?”
She glared at him, tears of frustration forming in the corner of her eyes. “Do you know how it feels to be left alone in the middle of a tough battle?”she demanded, jabbing her finger at him.
“I can imagine, alright!” Chat snapped. “My life has felt like a battlefield with no one to have my back for a very long time.”
The boy regretted his words immediately, seeing the girl’s face morphing into a shocked and pained grimace. He turned his back to her and went to the edge of the roof. He just sat there and stared into the distance, dangling his legs from the edge. In a minute, Ladybug approached him and sat closer. She put a hand on Chat’s cheek and turned his head carefully to face her.
“Do you know how scared I am, every time that you disappear?” She took a shaky breath. “I-I’ve seen a world where you lived alone without me and anyone else, and it was cold and awful. I don’t want to even imagine what the world without you would be like.” Tears were slowly running from her masked eyes down her reddened cheeks.
Chat’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest. His jaw tensed; he squeezed his eyes shut as unwanted thoughts entered his mind.
He had wanted to protect her, to do better. To be useful. And what did he get instead? Something was wrong; his beloved was suffering because of his “good” intentions.
What a waste of time and place he was…
What a failure…
D i s a p p o i n t m e n t . . . . .
Panic and dread washed over him. His heart began picking up the pace. Sweat on his palms made the gloves stick to them uncomfortably. He slowly licked his dry lips, trying to keep himself under control and failing.
The hero business was what he did the best, and even here he had messed everything up. Now she would just despise him even more like a constant nuisan-
“Chat, breathe. Breathe with me, in and out.”
Right, he must have been on the verge of a panic attack. The boy blinked, focusing on the girl in red spandex in front of him. He was hyper aware of her gloved hand caressing his cheek, bringing him back to reality, grounding him.
Chat did the only thing that seemed natural to him - let the guilt take over and began apologizing. “I’m so sorry, Ladybug, I shouldn’t have made you upset-”
Her finger pressed to his lips, cutting the sentence and silencing him. “Shh, Chaton, you don’t need to apologize,” Ladybug cooed and then tugged him closer to her in a side hug. He leaned into her side, placing his head on her shoulder; she ruffled his hair. “It’s me who should be sorry.” She sighed dejectedly. “I was so caught up in my civilian life struggles and doubts about the Guardianship that I failed to notice your inner turmoil. I should’ve helped you ease your mind not accuse you. What a partner I am…”
“The best partner I could’ve asked for,” Chat mumbled, pressing his face in her collarbone, and dared to wrap his hands around her waist. He needed this closeness, this physical contact to reassure himself that everything would be okay, and the most important person was still alive and staying beside him. At the same time, Chat feared that she would push him away and be mad at him for his daring attempt. To his relief, Ladybug wrapped her arms around his shoulders and squeezed them gently.
“Kitty, please, promise me that you will talk to me honestly about what’s troubling you from now on,” she whispered in his ear. He raised his head to nod in agreement. “We need to communicate everything thoroughly if we want to be on top of our game.” Ladybug leaned back to look in her partner's eyes, emphasizing her point. “And I wasn’t joking when I said that my world will be empty and lifeless without you. I-”
She stumbled over her words. Her eyes darted around, as if frantically searching for the right wording. “We… you are important to me, and I couldn’t…”
“I understand, Ladybug,” he cut her off, freeing her from his embrace. There was no need to lead the conversation to places where it would hurt even more. “We really need to talk some things through, though I don’t know how much we’d be able to, having the secret identities standing between us.”
Ladybug chewed on her lip for a minute, as if contemplating something. “You know what, Chat Noir,” she began, still seeming a bit unsure. “Our relationship is more important than anything. And we can’t win, battling not only supervillains but our own problems as well. So maybe we need to revise the rules and choose what would work for us by ourselves”
Chat’s eyes widened. “So you’re saying…”
“Not immediately,” she backtracked. “Not now. I-I…” She took a breath, schooling her expression. “But we can start going in that direction, talking honestly and revealing slightly more personal details that we used to.” She took his hands in hers, intertwining their fingers. “I understand that you’re feeling lonely. Sometimes, I also feel something the same, staying on my own with all the Guardian stuff or hearing how much hope people have in a teenager with weird magical powers to get everything back to normal.”
Chat smiled tentatively. “We can share any burden, M’Lady, as long as you’re willing to do so.”
Her bright smile was the light that he was missing. And he was ready to believe that this agreement would not only lead them to victory, strengthening their teamwork, but give them much needed peace of mind.