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I Don’t Like Your Girlfriend

Summary:

One song from the recent past, used like a joke with an underlying meaning, can lead to many discoveries and revelations. Chat Noir learns that in practice while bugging his Lady with one of Avril Lavigne’s hits that is stuck on the loop in his head.

Notes:

Hey, Maddy, I'm your beefy secret Santa! And this is the fulfillment of your song prompt that I promised you a long time ago 😁
2007 was a really special year to me and my music library. So I was delighted, writing this. 🤩
I recommend you, kids, check Top Hits of 2007 on Spotify to get the gist of things 😉

Thanks to Khanofallorcs for beta-reading.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“Hey, hey! You, you!”

“What’s up, Chat?” Ladybug said, so engrossed in scrolling through the Ladyblog on her yo-yo that she didn’t even lift her eyes to her partner.

“...I don't like your girlfriend!” he proclaimed, approaching the edge of the roof where she sat, facing the city. Though, after his bold declaration, she scrambled to her feet, gaping at him with comically widened eyes.

“...what? Which girl-girlfriend are you talking about?” Ladybug spluttered. 

Chat only laughed, struck a cocky pose, and continued singing, “No way, no way! I think you need a new one!”

Blood rushed to Ladybug’s cheeks, making them burn. “But I don’t have one in the first place!” the superheroine huffed, crossing her arms. “Why would I need someone new then?”

Chat came even closer to her, still wearing a shit-eating grin. He leaned to her ear and whispered, “I want to be your girlfriend.”

“What’s going on?” She demanded, grabbing him by the bell and holding him in place. He twisted out of her grasp, cackling, and pressed a button on his baton that he was holding in his hand. An upbeat melody began playing; Chat quickly joined the female voice from the speaker, singing familiar lines and dancing along.

Ladybug narrowed her eyes when she recognised the song as “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne. “Chat, why have you suddenly gotten back to 2007’s vibe? I mean, sure, the song is a blast, but…”

Chat stopped twirling around to catch his breath and wipe sweat from his forehead. “Recently, my friend introduced me to that era, and I was blown away! And Avril looked so nice, I loved her style!” he explained, bouncing with excitement. Then a disappointed frown settled on his face. He sighed. “I wish I could dye my hair or at least have a pink streak like she did back then. But my father…” Chat caught himself before he could give away more clues to his identity. “Nevermind. Would you like to hear me singing again?” 

Ladybug groaned. She didn’t want to admit that his voice had already been doing things to her, and hearing him singing didn’t help in the slightest. “Let’s start patrol, we’re already behind the schedule,” she grumbled and swung away, followed by Chat humming the song under his breath


A new Adrien the Fragrance ad had been released recently. He wasn’t running on the clouds anymore. This time, his style shifted from angelic and innocent to more mature and teasingly confident. Sometimes even sinful.  

Marinette belonged to the core of the target audience, so she found those changes fascinating. She had already updated her secret stash with the pictures from the latest photoshoot. Now she was sitting at one of her favorite spots - on the rooftop in front of the biggest billboard in the city with Adrien’s face and upper body plastered across it - and observing the perfect picture, letting out lovesick sighs from time to time. 

Ladybug missed the quiet thump behind her; that was why she was completely unprepared for her partner performing the obnoxiously suggestive song again. 

“He's like so, whatever. You could do so much better.”

She turned to Chat who stood there with his arms crossed and eyebrows (invisible under the mask but still) raised. 

Ladybug sighed, irritated. “Chat, it was funny as a one-time joke. Now it’s not.”

Chat smirked. “But he’s really whatever. A shallow model boy, unworthy of your beauty and creativity.” 

“And stop insulting Adrien. He’s not that sha-”

A notifying sound from both their magical devices interrupted them. Chat opened the new Ladyblog article first. He snorted and turned the screen of his baton to Ladybug to show the picture. “I think we should get together now. Cause that's what everyone's talkin' about.”

Ladybug stared in horror at the headline. Alya posted another speculation about Ladynoir and ups and downs of their (non-existent) love life. And the pictures, God, the attached pictures! The duo desperately clinging to each other after another rough battle. Chat, observing Ladybug in action, looking at her in awe. Her shy smile during the “Pound it!”, so uncharacteristic of the superheroine’s image. 

“Alright, I’ll read that. Later. Maybe.” She got up hastily, barely maintaining the balance, and got the yo-yo ready, intending to escape the awkwardness.

“Wait, please!” Chat caught her arm before she managed to bug out. “Alright, I-I’ll stop.” He looked at her pleadingly. “Just wanted to show- no, let you listen to some catchy songs that I think you might like more than this.” He gave her a lopsided grin. “Old but gold.”

“Alright, Mr. Dj, let’s go,” Ladybug sighed in defeat. 


Next morning, half-awake after the long listening session, Marinette did a double take when she heard exactly the same tunes in the school yard and saw a blonde boy rocking excitedly on the balls of his feet and swinging his hands in tune.

“What’s going on?” she asked Nino who sat on the bench, flicking through his Spotify account. The music was playing on his phone.

“I’ve subscribed to Timbaland’s course of producing and beatmaking and been listening to his works a lot. Along the way, I’ve opened Adrien’s eyes to 00’s music, 2007 in particular,” Nino explained, completely oblivious to Marinette’s surprised reaction. “Whatcha say, would he make a good Avril Lavigne cosplayer?”

“Aw, dude, don’t rub salt in my wound!” Adrien exclaimed, falling on the bench between Nino and Marinette. “Father won’t let me dye my hair pink, anyway.” He pouted, glaring at his sneakers.

Nino laughed. “Maybe you should ask Juleka’s advice about washable hair dye products?”

Adrien beamed and opened his mouth to respond, but at that moment “Girlfriend” started blasting through the speaker. Adrien began singing along in all too familiar manner, striking the same poses as the black cat superhero had done while trying to get on Ladybug’s nerves.

Shocked, Marinette was glaring at him and couldn’t decide if she wanted to strangle him, tease him a lot, or agree on his “girlfriend” offer. 

Meanwhile, the bell rang. Nino turned the music off and got up from the bench. “Come on, we don’t need Ms. Bustier scolding us for being late!”

“A-Adrien, wait, I need to tell you something!” Marinette squeaked, not willing to give up the chance to clear the air and get rid of secrets. And a little bit of sweet torture, yes.

Nino raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. “Alright, see ya in class,” he said and headed to the stairs.

“What’s up, Marinette?” Adrien turned to her with a gentle smile. 

She came closer, leaving only several inches of distance between them, and started singing quietly, “I can see the way, I see the way you look at me. And even when you look away, I know you think of me. I know you talk about me all the time, Again and again.”

Adrien looked confused. “Mari- Marinette, wha-”

“It’s Ladybug whom you’re in love with,” she stated as a matter of fact.

“H-how?”

“Haven’t you sung the same song to her many times, huh?” She pulled him closer by the brim of his shirt and whispered in his ear, “So, Kitty, I think that you need a new girlfriend. And the one that you were trying to ask all this time with the song might even agree if you’ll try again.”

Marinette leaned back with a smug expression and watched Adrien putting all the pieces together. A dopey grin spread on his face. “Hell yeah! How could’ve I not realised that you’re the motherfucking princess , My Lady!”

She laughed at that line from lyrics. He pulled her in a hug, asking “So, when’s the date?”

“Certainly not now,” Ms. Bustier’s voice rang from behind him. “Hurry up to class, lovebirds!”

The teacher watched the two embarrassed teens running up the stairs, giggling and holding hands. She smiled fondly and pulled out her phone. “Okay, I won the Adrinette bet, so time to count how much money I’ll get from Damocles, Mendeleiev, and D’Argencourt…” She lifted her head, hearing cheers and whistles from the classroom. “Or maybe I should hurry up to enjoy their reaction!” She laughed quietly and rushed to the classroom.


****Several months later****

“Hey, Chat, I don’t like your girlfriend.

“M’Lady-”

“Marinette’s like so… whatever. I think you need a new one.

“Will you never let me live it down?”

“I could be your girlfriend.”

sigh

“I know that you like me. No, it’s not a secr - mmmphhh!”

Notes:

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