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It wasn't supposed to be a difficult night hunt. He actually wasn't supposed to be on a night hunt at all.
But he needed to kill something. Anything. He needed to get the rage and the anger and the hurt out of his system.
He couldn't do it. He couldn't kill him.
His broth--no. He doesn't deserve that title anymore. What 'brother'? What friend?
Where were his promises when he needed them the most?
Everyone is gone. They left. Who's going to be there for him?
Why do they all leave?
No one stays.
They only 'loved' you because they had to. They were forced to. Why would they pick you otherwise?
They didn't pick him. They wouldn’t pick him. This he knows.
She's gone.
Her sweet sweet smile. The smile that could bring comfort during the worst of times. The smile that could calm his anger. He'll never see it again.
Her presence that never failed to calm their mother.
Her presence that never failed to make that fucker calm down and act normal for once.
Her presence that never failed to bring a smile to his face. A real and genuine one. Especially when it was always so hard for him to do so after Lotus Pier burned.
He’ll never feel that presence again.
It was all because of him .
He didn’t listen. He wouldn’t listen. He refused to come home. He chose them over me .
The same people who killed his parents.
Who burned his home.
Who tortured him endlessly with the discipline whip for their entertainment.
Who destroyed his core.
He chose them over me.
You’re never enough.
Your own father didn’t want you. He chose another’s child over you.
Your own mother never thought you were enough. She saw you as a disappointment.
Your own sister liked him better. Favored him. He was easier to love anyways, how could she not?
Your own sworn brother chose the bloody Wens Dogs over you. The same people who murdered your sect, who murdered your parents. He chose them.
Jiang Cheng stopped walking abruptly.
He was in a forest somewhere in the outskirts of Yunmeng, near the border of Gusu.
But he barely registered his surroundings.
He couldn’t breathe.
It felt like he was choking on his own thoughts. They were drowning him.
Ha. Him. Jiang Cheng. The best swimmer out of all the disciples in Yunmeng. (Even that bastard couldn’t beat him there) He was drowning in his own thoughts.
He tried to calm down but he couldn’t. The virulent and hostile thoughts continued to attack him mercilessly.
He tried to fight them, tried to kill them. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t stab these thoughts with Sandu. He couldn't rip them apart with Zidian. This enemy was mental. This enemy was himself.
And he didn’t want to kill himself.
No.
He couldn’t.
He wouldn’t let the Wen Dogs drive him to the end.
He wouldn’t let Wei Wuxian hold that much power over him.
He wouldn’t let him win.
Because yes.
After all this time, it would always be a competition between the two.
And Jiang Cheng is fucking tired of always losing.
So this time he won’t. He won’t lose .
He won’t give his demons the satisfaction of succumbing to them.
He won’t give Wei fucking Wuxian the satisfaction of failing without him. He’ll prove him wrong.
He’ll prove them all wrong.
His mother who looked at him and saw a disappointment.
His father who never looked at him but thought he would fail anyways. Because Jiang Cheng wasn’t his precious A-Xian.
He will prove them all wrong.
He will do it for his people, who he loves and has promised to protect with everything in him.
He will do it for Jin Ling.
An orphaned boy of only 2 and a half months.
He will live for them.
Before Jiang Cheng could keep mulling in his own thoughts he suddenly felt himself being thrown across the forest clearing into a wide and sturdy tree trunk.
Jiang Cheng felt his head hit the tree trunk. Hard.
Before he could regain his bearings and stand up, Jiang Cheng felt blood rushing down his head and onto his face.
Fuck. I wasn't paying attention. Fuck. I hit my head. Ah FUCK. Okay. It hurts when I touch said head. How fucking embarrassing.
Sharp bouts of pain were shooting through Jiang Cheng’s head making him unsteady and unbalanced as he shakily stood up.
He looked around to try and find whatever threw him into the damn concrete-like tree.
Seriously. Why the fuck was the tree so damn hard. I bet I barely even left a dent in it with my head. Ah, I feel like my head is going to fucking explode.
Well--He tried to look around, but he couldn’t see a thing.
One moment he was burning holes into the ground of the forest with his stare as he got caught up in his poisonous thoughts yet again...
(He seemed to do that often. It had only been two weeks since the siege on Burial Mounds happened. The pain was too fresh. Jiang Cheng couldn’t do much except getting caught up in his own thoughts.)
What else could he do? Talk to someone? Who?
There is no one left to talk to.
How fucking pathetic.
Fuck he’s doing it again. Getting all up in his own head... again .
Okay, where was he?
Ah, yes. He was looking at the ground when he was all up in his own grief and anger.
Then the next second he was being fucking catapulted across the forest clearing into a large ass tree where he hit his head so damn hard he swears he was transported to heaven for a solid second.
And then everything went black.
Because he closed his eyes from the pain of the impact.
Makes sense.
And then he felt his head.
He was gingerly touching the top of his head as blood slowly dripped down his face.
He could feel the blood drip in front of his eyes.
But he couldn't see anything, because his eyes were still closed, of course.
Jiang Cheng pushed some qi into his injury in order to alleviate the pain.
Because holy fuck did his head hurt.
He felt nauseous and dizzy. He wanted to throw up everything he had ever eaten on the forest floor as well. And holy hell by Guanyin did he just want to sleep. All he wanted to do was lie down and pass out from the pain and sensations.
God, he was in so much pain just from the head injury. He hadn't even registered any pain on the rest of his body yet.
But he couldn’t do that. He was in the middle of a forest with ... something (Jiang Cheng still doesn’t really know what happened) that just attacked him.
(Why did he think it was a good fucking idea to go on a night hunt alone.)
He needed to get out. He needed to leave.
He didn’t think he would be able to fight anything in his state, unfocused and injured, not too great of a combination.
So he slowly opened his eyes, still clutching his head and leaning against the damned tree from all of the nausea.
But he still couldn’t see anything.
It was still pitch black.
Even though his eyes were open.
And that's when Jiang Cheng starts to panic.