Chapter Text
This makes sense , Neil thought, from his position on a pile of discarded garbage where he’d face-planted just moments ago. This was always how things went.
Without needing any added melodrama, Neil’s entire life had been one giant dumpster fire after another. From his murderous, mafia father to the health conditions he’d developed due to his father loaning him out for torture practice to his many underlings. To his mother dying three months earlier and then being put out of the home he’d known for the better part of a decade. He couldn’t play Exy anymore, not properly. Hadn’t been able to since he started to get sick and his mother ran with him to escape his father. And he was constantly messing up at work, making mistakes and breaking things in his clumsiness. Not to mention what an inconvenience he was to his few friends, crashing on their couches for weeks on end while he lied about the house being renovated when really he didn’t have a house.
Okay. That one was maybe on him. Uncle Stuart asked him what he wanted to do after his mother’s death and Neil had quickly told him that he would be moving in with a friend. He didn’t want to impose and Stuart likely figured he wouldn’t want to stay in such a large house alone. And he didn’t really. He didn’t think he could take the echoes down empty hallways and the reminders that he had nothing, no one left. But Stuart probably would have let him stay longer, if he asked. If he admitted he needed help. He’d invited Neil to England after all, to stay with him until he sorted things out. But no, Neil’s stubborn, martyr-like nature once again took hold and he’d gathered his flew belongings in a duffle bag and headed out the door.
It’s not like he wasn’t trying . He had a job. Not a well-paying job, but a steady one. Unfortunately finding an apartment on his salary, much less without the money for a down payment and no credit history, was futile. So, he couch-surfed sometimes when he was in a better headspace, allowing his friends to show their hospitality. But mostly he snuck back into the store after closing to roll a thin sleeping bag out on the storage room floor. On nights like tonight, when his friends were busy and Wymack was at the shop late taking inventory, Neil wandered. He wandered the city until the sun rose or he found a nice park to sit for a while. On rare occasions he rented out cheap hotel rooms, but it was nearly Christmas and many of the hotels nearby were booked. He couldn’t afford it right now anyways.
“You going to lay there all night?”
Neil pushed his hands between the shiny black plastic to plant them firmly on the frozen concrete below, looking up to the person who interrupted his situational lament. His duffle fell off his back to the side and for a moment he collapsed back onto the garbage before pushing himself up a final time, standing to brush off his too-big clothing.
He scowled at the man. “Mind your business.”
“Maybe I was,” quipped the man. “Maybe that’s my garbage you were rolling around in, and therefore my business.”
Ceasing his desperate swipes to clean off his clothing, he narrowed his eyes to give the stranger a once over. Short, somehow shorter than Neil himself, blond, and clad in entirely black. He had a cigarette between his fingers and took slow drags, the smoke mingling with hot breath on the cold air. But the man’s eyes were keen, calculating. Though they weren’t focused on Neil, rather ahead towards the street. The lights strung between the lampposts were twinkling brightly and reflected in the hazel-gold pools that finally settled on Neil.
“ Is it your garbage?” Neil asked, when the man’s focus turned his way.
“No.”
He dropped the cigarette and ground it out on the icy sidewalk, turning on his heel to walk away. Neil started at his back for a moment, confused, and then followed.
“So, what was that about then? Just some clever attempt to make fun of me?”
The man shoved his hands in the pockets of his heavy pea coat. “If I was making fun of you, you would know, you would not have to ask.”
Watching the ground as they walked, Neil was careful to side-step any trashcans or debris. Instead, he focused on the crunch of the ice and salt beneath his sneakers and allowed his eyes to flick up and look at the strangers back every few seconds. The stranger, whom he was still following for some unknown reason.
Because he was studiously trying to watch where he was going, he didn’t run into the back of the man when he stopped abruptly two blocks later, though it was a near thing. The stranger turned slowly on his heels, those hazel eyes flicking upwards.
“Look up.”
Neil dropped his neck against his shoulders and looked upwards. They were on a street he’d walked so many times, but he’d never noticed the intricate moldings around the door to the old pub, nor the sculpted rabbit that adorned the sign.
“Huh,” said Neil, still with his eyes focused above. “I’ve walked this street a hundred times and never noticed this before.”
“That is because you are always running,” said the stranger.
Blue eyes dropped down and focused on the man in front of him. He shifted the strap on his shoulder. “You don’t know anything about me.”
He highly suspected the man wasn’t referring to his propensity to run away from all of his problems. More likely, he'd caught Neil on one of his morning runs down this same route, the one he took just before he got ready for work.
“No,” the blond admitted.
“I’m Neil,” why did he say that??
“I didn’t ask.”
“Who are you?”
The man seemed to contemplate the question, but turned without answering, strolling down the rest of the empty street.
Neil liked it best this way – cold and quiet. The downtown area was already decorated for the impending holiday, strung with twinkling lights and bows latched to streetlamps. Everything smelled faintly of pine and spice. Reds and greens adorned doorways and window displays, but at this time of night only Neil and a handful of others were able to witness the calm that flooded the city. Dormant before the next busy morning arrived.
It began snowing so Neil flicked one last glance to the sky, white powder catching on his lashes and melting away. Before he could think better of it, he swiped a handful of snow from the top of a nearby bench; it was cleared from most surfaces but it had been snowing often enough that piles still accumulated here and there. He balled up the wet, powdery ice and threw it as hard as he could. It hit the man square between the shoulder blades but he didn’t even flinch. Instead, he turned slowly, something like amusement playing on his features. It was a welcome change from the bored apathy he’d exhibited the last half hour.
“It’s rude to ignore people, you know,” said Neil, lip twitching upwards.
“Oh no,” the man said blandly, “I’ve never been considered rude before.”
Rolling his eyes, Neil heaved his bag higher on his shoulder and started to leave. It had been nice talking to someone new, even if they had met when Neil was once again humiliating himself in public.
“Andrew,” said the man, still paused at the end of the street.
“Andrew,” Neil repeated, turning back with a small smile. “Well....goodnight, Andrew.”
Andrew gave him a two fingered salute and turned the corner and somehow Neil missed him already. Though his gut told him he would see him again.
❄️❄️❄️
Like they did every Saturday, the staff of The Fox Den, a quirky store that sold Christmas décor year round , packed up to head to the community Exy court a few miles away. You could reserve it in two hour increments and they had a standing reservation for as long as Neil had known them. So, years now, really. He met them right as he graduated high school and started taking online classes at the nearby university they attended. He went on campus sometimes and enjoyed watching them play Exy. Eventually they asked him to join. He had been too sick to play, of course. He had been too sick to do much of anything. He never even managed to finish his college courses, still a semester shy of his degree. He’d hoped after he got better he would be able to join them, but he still got winded after a brisk jog so running around on the court was out of the question. He would just slow them down.
Matt took an impressive hit from his wife as she deftly stole the ball, weaving around Seth and Allison to take a shot on Renee, who just managed to block it. Neil whooped from the sidelines and Dan grinned in his direction. He cheered for all of them in turn, since it was just a three on three game with Renee in the goal. They were all friends, after a fashion. Dan, Matt and Renee worked at the store part-time while they worked on their graduate degrees. Allison was Renee’s roommate, though Neil had accidently caught them kissing once after practice and had kept that knowledge to himself. And Seth followed Allison, even though he knew he didn’t have a shot. Laila Dermott and Gloria Alvarez were undergrad students studying fashion who tagged along with Allison – they also worked for her at the boutique and tailoring shop she owned.
The game ended, Neil wasn’t sure who actually won since they’d switched teams several times throughout the night. But they were all sweaty and heaving for breath when they finally packed it in, making their way towards the benches where Neil sat.
“I can’t wait til you’re feeling better, buddy,” said Matt, gulping half a bottle of water. “The girls are ganging up on us.”
Allison hip-checked him and he nearly lost his balance. “Don’t be a sore loser, Boyd.”
Matt grinned and shoved her shoulder. She shoved him back and a few moments later they were swatting at each other like lazy cats until Allison held up her arms in defeat. “Fine! You win. Don’t make me break a nail.”
“Speaking of feeling better...” said Dan, ignoring their bickering. “How was your last PT appointment, Neil? Think you can get on the court with us by the end of the year?”
Considering the end of the year was in a matter of weeks and Neil hadn’t been to any of his doctors appointments since his mothers insurance lapsed when she died several months prior, the answer was likely a resounding no .
“Oh um....maybe? It went okay,” he lied.
He could sign up for insurance with his job, he supposed, but he made a meager wage as is and didn’t know if he could afford the extra amount taken out of his checks. Especially if he was going to find an apartment anytime soon. Besides. He was fine. He might never have the stamina for Exy again, but he was fine.
They headed back to Matt and Dan’s apartment for pizza and beer and Neil made himself comfortable on their couch. If he was lucky, he’d pass out and they'd let him sleep there for the night – though he made a note to leave before they woke and to not touch anything. The last time he’d crashed with them he broke their expensive coffee pot and the time before that he knocked over a very large plant from the windowsill. He’d smeared dirt all over the white carpet in his efforts to clean up the mess before they noticed. It was unsuccessful and despite their reassurances that ‘accidents happened,’ Neil more felt like he was the accident and should never be allowed to be near anything breakable.
But for the moment, he pushed all self-loathing to the back of his mind and focused on the horror movie playing and the snow falling gently outside. He could barely make it out through the fogged windows, but it was there. It would cover the world in shimmering white silence, waiting to greet him the next morning, no matter where he slept.
❄️❄️❄️
His hunch was spot-on – he did start running into Andrew everywhere. Once on his morning run where Andrew was tossing bits of bread at a group of pigeons near the park. Once in the marketplace, where he’d caught the mans blond head in his periphery and promptly knocked over a table of cabbages. Andrew watched him pick them up with an amused glint and then Neil followed him through the rest of the market though neither of them purchased anything.
One day, Andrew even showed up at his shop. He browsed the store, touching everything and moving things from the proper place, leaving them scattered around for Neil to pick up behind him. It was stupid and juvenile but somehow it felt like a game. Neil smirked behind him and tried not to be too obvious about his attention since Renee was also working and he didn’t want anyone to notice Andrew. They already gave him enough shit for closing himself off from people. He didn’t want to deal with their excitement over him potentially making a new friend. Or acquaintance . Whatever.
After Andrew left the shop he’d given Neil a heated once-over, eyes dragging from the stupid green, bell-covered boot covers over his sneakers, to the green opaque tights and fur-lined shorts he wore. If Neil’s stomach clenched interestingly at the look, well, no one had to know.
It was exactly three weeks until Christmas when Neil had his fifth encounter with Andrew, who was smoking against a heavy stone pillar outside of a nearby church. Neil had just come from work and had his duffle over his shoulder. Wymack was doing inventory again. Something he probably would have finished if he didn’t keep getting distracted by the kindly looking woman with dirty-blonde hair that kept coming in the store just to ‘look.’
“You go to church?” Neil asked with a smile, eyes darting between the massive structure and the shorter man, his body slightly obscured by smoke.
“I do not.”
Moving to lean against the pillar a foot or so away, Neil inhaled the smoke when it wafted his way. His mother smoked, once upon a time when he was little and they needed to get out of the house, away from his father. She would walk him around the grounds with a cigarette in hand, inhaling deeply as if it was the only calm she’d ever known. She quit when he started to get sick, not wanting to contribute to making his illness worse. But he still missed the smell, sometimes. He missed her.
“You know, if you’re stalking me, I can just give you my number. It would make it easier for you,” Neil said, breaking the silence after a few minutes.
“You are the one who approached me.”
“This time, sure,” said Neil, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “But you’ve been around quite a bit. If I didn’t know better I’d think you liked me or something.”
He gave Andrew a cheeky grin but Andrew barely glanced at him. Instead, he exhaled, reaching up to push Neil’s cheek away with two fingers.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
Neil turned, leaning against the pillow with his shoulder so he could face Andrew with a teasing smile. “Like what?”
He tossed the cigarette and stamped it out, turning to face Neil. “You are a disaster .”
“Maybe. But you’re still here, aren’t you?”
Andrew pushed away from the pillar and walked around it, towards the entrance. From the opposite direction there was a line of people waiting to get inside. They all wore ratty clothes and carried bags – homeless most likely. He knew the church converted to a shelter when the temperature dipped below freezing.
“Wait,” said Neil, snagging his sleeve. Andrew paused and looked down where his hand was clenched in the fabric but didn’t pull away. Instead, he looked up to Neil. “We should hang out sometime. On purpose. Get coffee maybe? What’s your number?”
“I don’t have a phone.”
Neil let go of his sleeve and shook his head in disbelief. “Really? Who doesn’t have a phone?”
“I have one,” he clarified. “I just don’t carry it with me. It’s in a cabinet at home.”
“Geeze. And everyone tells me I'm anti-social.”
Without bothering to respond, Andrew continued his march to the door. When he was only ten feet away or so, Neil called out to him again.
“I thought you said you don’t go to church?”
“I don’t. But I am going inside.”
Neil cocked his head to the side, brows furrowing.
“I volunteer here,” Andrew admitted.
“Oh....right,” said Neil, surprised. “That’s...that’s great.”
“Do you want to come in?” asked Andrew, gaze flicking to Neil’s duffle before meeting his eyes again. “The beds inside are moderately more comfortable than a pile of garbage.”
He couldn’t stop his cheeks heating in embarrassment but hoped they were already flushed from the cold. “I don’t ....I’m not....” Homeless . Though that was really a lie.
“Suit yourself,” said Andrew, walking towards the door, calling back once before he disappeared. “Goodnight, Neil.”