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“Um, excuse me?”
Peter jumped, turning around at the tap on his shoulder. The person who had tried to get his attention flushed and backed up a bit.
“A-ah, sorry, you looked like you were zoning out!” the boy waved his hands around.
“Oh- don’t worry about it,” Peter blinked, “um…” his eyes drifted down to the boy’s shirt, “you’re with East?”
“Yeah,” the boy shifted awkwardly, hand carding through his inky black curls, “I’m a backup, though. Nothing special.”
“Your school is crazy good,” Peter said, “I bet it’s hard to even get on as a backup.”
“Kinda?” the boy shrugged, grimacing, then stuck out a hand. “I’m Nico.”
Peter blinked, taking Nico’s hand. “Peter.”
The handshake lingered for longer than it should have. Peter flushed when he finally pulled his hand away.
“Um, this is gonna sound weird, but can I get your number?” Nico asked, fidgeting with his hands.
Peter’s eyes widened, cheeks burning. “U-uh, yeah! ‘Course!”
Nico’s brown eyes sparkled. “For real? Awesome!”
Peter and Nico exchanged phones. Peter typed out his number and handed the phone back to the boy.
“I’ll, uh, see you around, Peter!” Nico tucked his phone into his pocket and scampered off towards his team. A few girls crowded around him, whispering so low that even Spider-Man would have had difficulty hearing them, a few occasionally sneaking a glance back at Peter.
Peter blinked. “Um, Alex? What just happened?”
”I think someone just asked you out,” the caregiver teased. Peter’s chest fluttered as she inched closer to the front.
There was an uneasy feeling in Peter’s stomach that had nothing to do with the upcoming competition or the fact that he’d just been asked out. His cheeks burned.
“Wh-what do I do?” he hissed under his breath, ignoring the discomfort in lieu of an answer.
”Go out on a date, duh.”
“There’s no way I’m-”
“Peter! Get your ass over here! The competition’s in five minutes!”
Peter jumped. “C-coming, MJ!”
Peter nearly stumbled over his own two feet in his rush to meet up with the Decathlon team. MJ playfully punched his shoulder and muttered, “got yourself a date there, then?”
Peter flushed for what must have been the eighteenth time. “Shut up,” he grumbled, adjusting the collar of his shirt.
MJ smirked. The uneasy feeling in his stomach never quite went away until after the competition was over.
He figured it was just nerves. Oh, how he wished it could have been that.
.
.
.
Peter and Nico texted back and forth for weeks after the meet. Peter was too nervous to ask him out on his own, and Nico seemed to be in the same situation. Every little Instagram notification was enough to send Peter’s heart into a fluttering frenzy, butterflies tickling his stomach with every second that little typing icon lingered.
The night that Nico asked him out was unceremonious, to say the least.
Spiderman had just come back home from a long patrol, and Alex came out to rinse off the blood and grime. Alex had stayed co-conscious for a while after that, just to make sure that Peter was actually getting to bed at a reasonable hour and eating a sustainable meal. He was just settling down for bed around two in the morning when he received a message.
’Why is Ned up so late?’ he wondered, reluctantly turning onto his side and fumbling for his phone. He squinted at the harsh blue light and turned down the brightness.
“Nico?” he whispered, heart fluttering once he saw who exactly had contacted him.
He swiped into the Messages app and read the message.
Nico: hey, uh, wanna come see a movie with me?
There was a strange twist of nausea in his stomach as someone he couldn’t recognize pressed their way forward. He tried his best to shove down whoever it was that wanted to interrupt his conversation and frantically texted back:
Me: YES omg
Nico: oh my god I didn’t think you’d accept
Nico: uhhh can you meet me outside my school on thursday?
Me: any specific time?
Nico: whenever school lets out for you is fine
Me: sweet! See you then, ig?
Nico: yeah!
Peter swiped out of the app and shut off his phone, turning onto his stomach to muffle a squeal into his pillow.
“Alex!” he whisper-screeched, “he asked me out!”
”That’s amazing, Pete!” came the near-instantaneous reply. Alex hadn’t gone back for the night, it seemed. A warm feeling settled itself in his chest before dropping down to his stomach uncomfortably.
“Um, is anyone else nearby?” he asked, keeping his voice low even as his heart ached to shout with joy. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong about the whole situation, even though logically he knew he should be ecstatic that a cute boy actually asked him out on what he assumed to be a date.
”I’m not sure,” Alex said, a frown evident in her voice. Peter shifted uncomfortably as she came nearer to the front, almost to the point of co-fronting with him. He always felt weird when Alex was nearby. He wasn’t trans himself, but whenever she was near, he always felt strangely dysphoric, like he didn’t belong in his own body. He hugged a pillow to his chest and hoped the feeling would go away soon. The dysphoria mixed with the nausea was not a pleasant feeling in the slightest.
He frowned, wondering what could have triggered the other person to come forward. It wasn’t like he was exposing himself to another alter’s triggers, right? He wasn’t listening to music or drawing or doing anything that he knew to be someone else’s triggers. So why was he feeling so weird?
“We don’t have a romantic protector, right?” he asked, nearly slapping himself for asking such a stupid question right after the words came out of his mouth.
”I don’t think so,” Alex replied, ”maybe it’s another protector? I’ll ask Keagan when I see him. He probably knows more about this than I do.”
“Right,” Peter muttered. After another moment of discomfort, the nausea and strange presence in his head retreated, leaving him with only a faint feeling of inherent wrong-ness.
“Peter?” May knocked on his door, “I heard talking? I hope you’re not calling Ned again.”
“No,” he replied, “just talking to Alex.”
“Ah. Try to get some sleep, okay? Goodnight, you two.”
“G’night!” he called back, letting his head flop back down onto his pillow. He let out a sigh, allowing his eyes to slip shut, and felt Alex retreat back into the headspace.
He fell asleep, trying and failing to forget what all had just happened.
.
.
.
“Peter?” a familiar voice called. Peter perked his head up at the sound and felt a smile tug itself across his face.
“Hi Nico!” he waved, grinning. Nico’s unruly black hair swept behind him as he ran, the wind further messing it up. He came to a stop right in front of Peter, bouncing on his toes.
“You ready?” Nico asked, peering up at Peter. Peter nodded, letting a wave of something wash over him, heating up his cheeks and leaving him with a pleasant fluttering in his chest.
He and Nico walked side by side. Peter wasn’t exactly sure where they were going, the roads unfamiliar to him. He trusted Nico to know the way, though, and tried to keep up with the conversation.
By some stroke of unusually good luck, almost everyone had agreed to leave Peter alone while he was on his date. Iron Man lingered somewhere far back just in case he was needed, but he wasn’t experiencing the normal dissociation and migraines that came with him being co-conscious, which he took as a win.
“So, uh, I don’t really know too much about you, other than that you’re on the Decathlon team,” Nico said, a bit awkward.
Peter flushed. “Well, uh, I really like science. I actually have an internship at a really good company- well, I’m being paid now, so I don’t think it counts as an internship anymore, but yeah.”
“That’s so cool!” Nico gaped, “man, I wish I could get an internship. My school isn’t as good as Midtown, at least not on the books, so we don’t really get too many opportunities. Where are you interning at?”
“Ah- it’s actually not related to school,” he grinned awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, “I’m at Stark Industries.”
“You’re at SI?! Dude- how?! Do you have a relative there or something?”
Peter flushed, ducking his head down so his scarf covered his nose when another gust of frigid wind hit him. “I applied for a grant from the September Foundation. Some high-level employee was apparently impressed with my work, so he offered to help me get an internship,” he rambled, cheeks burning under Nico’s amazed stare, “it’s nothing too special- I kinda just dick around in the labs after school with a couple people and sometimes they like what I do.”
”Language, Mini-Stark,” Iron Man warned. Peter rolled his eyes and hoped the protector could sense it.
“Still, it’s amazing that you’re even able to get in there,” Nico said, interrupting whatever unnecessary comment Iron Man was going to make next, “man, you’re practically set. Even being associated with them is a guarantee to get you into any Ivy League school.”
“I guess,” Peter muttered, pulling his scarf up to hide his face even further. “So, um- what are you into?”
Nico brightened at the prospect of talking about himself, as evidenced by the skip in his step. “Well- I guess I’m into gaming. Y’know, Call of Duty, that kind of stuff?”
“Oh? I’ve never played,” Peter commented, “do you play a lot?” ’Holy shit I’m making connections with people.’
Peter swayed a little as Alex subtly pushed her way forward, her presence making itself known in a wave of light dissociation. The feeling went away as soon as Alex finished squealing about how ”You two are so cute together!” He glanced at Nico, who luckily hadn’t noticed the episode.
“Yeah,” Nico grinned, “my brother got me into it.”
“You have siblings? That must be nice,” Peter heaved a longing sigh, “I’ve just got an aunt.”
“It’s not as great as it seems, dude,” Nico laughed, “I’ve got three brothers, all older. I think they’re secretly plotting my murder or something.”
Peter snorted, combing his fingers through his unruly hair. “Maybe you can trade one of your siblings to me. I’d love to have a brother.”
”What, we aren’t enough for you?” Iron Man snarked. Peter jumped slightly at the sudden comment- he hadn’t realized the alter was so close to the front- and was quick to reply.
“I take that back.”
“What was that?” Nico tilted his head.
Peter froze- shit, he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He gave a nervous chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck. Nausea twisted uncomfortably in his stomach, something worse than just anxiety for the date. “Forget I said that,” he attempted to wave off Nico’s question, “having a brother would probably traumatize me.”
Now it was Nico’s turn to snort, any suspicion he’d previously had in his gaze forgotten. “No shit, Sherlock. One of my brothers broke my PS3 a couple years ago. I still haven’t forgiven him for that.”
Peter laughed airily, adjusting the hood of his sweatshirt under his jacket. His nausea refused to go away, twisting and burning in his gut. Something was wrong- he knew that much. He just couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Iron Man and Alex were the only two co-conscious, right? Was it someone else’s influence? He didn’t know what Spidey’s sixth sense felt like, other than how the boy had described it (“all the hairs on my arms stand up and I just get the feeling that somethin’s wrong”), but he imagined it felt something like this. Was he somehow co-con? Maybe that would explain the nervous feeling…
“Yo, Peter? You good man?”
“Oh- sorry, I spaced out for a minute,” he shook his head, adjusting the waistband on his jeans so they didn’t press so hard against his stomach.
Nico stared at him for a moment before a smile tugged across his face. “Well, we’re here,” the boy pointed to the building directly in front of them.
Peter turned to look at him. “What are we watching again?”
“My mom got tickets for Jurassic World” Nico answered.
“Works for me.”
Nico hesitated, fingers flexing down by his sides, and took Peter’s hand in his. Peter flushed all the way down to his neck as the boy’s fingers laced through his and let himself be tugged inside. Peter zoned out for most of the check-in process, letting Alex take over while he sat back in co-con for a few minutes so he could process what had just happened. As soon as they started walking over to the snack bar, Alex moved back and let Peter take over again.
“Do you wanna share a medium popcorn?” Peter asked, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the lingering spaciness that came with the temporary switch.
“Okay,” Nico said, “want me to pay?”
“That’s okay,” Peter shook his head, “I’ve got some money from my internship. You got the tickets, it’s only fair that I get the snacks.”
Nico nodded, picking at the hem of his sweater. Peter gently tugged his hand away from Nico’s, missing the contact as soon as it was gone yet feeling an odd sense of relief somewhere deep in his gut. He waited in line for a few minutes before he was able to get the popcorn and pay for it. Thank god for Mr. Stark’s insistence on paying him for his internship- where would he be without it? Well- he’d be broke, to put it simply, but that wasn’t something he wanted to dwell on at the moment.
“Ready?” Nico asked, bouncing on his toes once Peter returned with the popcorn. Peter nodded, letting himself smile at the boy’s excitement. Nico slid his hand into Peter’s unoccupied one and let their arms swing as they walked into the theater.
Things went well for about the first hour or so- Finley nearly took over once or twice, his love of dinosaurs enough to push him into co-consciousness. Luckily, Alex remained near the front to remind Fin to stay back while they watched the movie, citing that it wasn’t appropriate for him to front while Peter was on a date. Alex’s scoldings and Finley’s disappointed mutters distracted him from a few of the scenes, but it wasn’t like he was missing anything important- the movie itself just didn’t slap as hard as Jurassic Park did.
Peter let his legs swing back and forth almost childishly, not missing the confused looks Nico would send him every few minutes. The part of him that was influenced by Finley didn’t care what Nico thought, but he himself did very much care. He forced Fin back a little after the fifth or so weird look he got, stilling his legs and forcing the excited twinkle out of his eyes.
“You good?” Nico whispered, careful to keep his voice low.
Peter nodded, transferring his energy from his legs to his fingers, rapidly tapping on the armrest of his seat. “Yeah. I love dinosaurs, sorry if I was distracting you.”
“You’re good, dude,” Nico huffed out a breathy laugh, “I just thought somethin’ was wrong.”
“Nah,” Peter smiled a little forcefully, “I’m okay.”
Everything went fine for the rest of the movie- the strange nausea in his gut subsided a little near the climax of the movie, going from overwhelming and twisting to barely noticeable. Nico rested his head on Peter’s shoulder not long after that, black hairs tickling Peter’s cheek. It was nice, just sitting back and enjoying the unfamiliar yet welcome contact as characters on-screen were devoured by dinosaurs.
Once the movie ended, Nico shifted his head off of Peter’s shoulder. The nausea relieved itself a bit more, and Peter found that even though his head was clearer, he missed the contact. They held hands as they exited the theater, only pausing so that Peter could throw away the empty popcorn container. Nico giggled, a sly look pulling itself across his face, and tugged him outside.
“Where-?”
“Shh!” Nico snickered, “come on.”
Peter furrowed his brow in confusion, but he let an easy grin pull at his lips as he was tugged outside. Nico pulled him around the outside of the building, down an alley next to it, and into an empty lot in the back.
“What are you doing?” Peter asked, nervously looking around. Nico giggled, placing a finger over his lips to shush him. Peter’s heart gave a little flutter as the boy pushed him against the back of the building, securing him in place, and pressed his lips against his.
All of a sudden, alarm bells went off in Peter’s mind. The nausea came back at full force, and he barely recognized the dissociation that came with switching before he was forced back. Everything went black as he and everyone else in the headspace were forced from consciousness.
When Peter switched back in, he was sitting in the very back corner of his room, a weighted blanket draped over his shoulders and May crouched in front of him.
“Hey, you back with me?” she asked, a hand hovering over his shoulder as if she wanted to touch him but was hesitant to.
Peter blinked away the dizziness, shaking his head as he took in his surroundings. It was much darker than it had been earlier. Shit, how much time had passed?
“Wh-what happened?” he asked both May and anyone who happened to be in the headspace.
Nothing. Nobody inside answered him, so he turned to May for answers.
“I’m not sure,” she said, “you came home bordering on a panic attack- well, someone did- and you ran straight up here.”
“I…” Peter paused, rubbing his head. “I don’t remember what happened.”
“That’s okay,” May said, shifting so she was sitting on her legs, “what’s the last thing you remember?”
“I… I think… I think I was on some kind of date…? I remember seeing a movie… Jurassic World, I think.” He racked his brain for any kind of recollection. “Nico, I was with Nico.”
“That boy from Decathlon?” May asked.
“Yeah,” Peter nodded, “I remember him-” he paused, swallowing thickly, “I remember him pulling me outside.”
“Hey,” May comforted, voice low, “you don’t have to tell me what happened, okay? Is Keagan there? Maybe he can tell you what happened.”
“No, no one’s around,” he gulped, “it’s kinda weird. During the movie, I knew Iron Man and Fin were there, but it… it kinda felt like someone else was there, too.”
“Do you know who? Is there anything that could tell you who it was?” May reached a hand out and placed it on his knee. The touch was weird at first, his skin prickled and he wanted to pull away, but after a moment it started to help. The warm firmness of it helped keep him grounded in his body while he tried to recall what had happened.
“My stomach hurt, like, a lot,” he answered, the memories coming back to him in droves, “I thought it was anxiety or something, but maybe it was someone else? Every time Nico would try to get close, it’d get worse, and as soon as he stopped, it’d be gone.”
“It could have been anxiety,” May hummed, “unless you don’t think so?”
“I don’t know,” Peter sighed, dropping his head down so it rested between his knees. May’s hand left his knee and transferred to his shoulder, her thumb rubbing in comforting circles. Her wedding ring prodded against his collar, the metal cold even through his shirt. “Maybe? It didn’t feel like anxiety, it felt… it felt defensive, I think.”
“Defensive?”
“It… it might have been a protector?” he guessed, shifting so the weighted blanket covered more of his shoulders. “My anxiety usually doesn’t feel defensive. It was more like… it was like I was scared of the touch or something.”
There was a buzzing at the back of his skull, a telltale sign that someone was getting closer. He couldn’t tell exactly who it was yet, but that strange twisting in his stomach was back.
“It’s back,” he choked, breath stuttering, “it definitely feels like an alter.”
“Yeah?” May paused, looking down at the ground as she pondered what to say. “Do you know who it is?”
His brow furrowed as he focused on the uncomfortable buzzing sensation. “I- I don’t know,” he gulped thickly, “I… I can’t tell.”
“That’s okay,” May placated, “why don’t you try grounding yourself?”
“Okay,” Peter agreed, closing his eyes and letting out a shuddery breath. He counted to ten and back down again in his head, focusing on the tap-tap-tapping of his fingers against the floor. He opened his eyes after a few moments, the buzzing less persistent but still there.
“Better?”
“Yeah,” Peter looked off to the side, cheeks flushing.
”Peter?”
Peter startled, hand unclenching the weighted blanket and slamming against the floor.
“Everything okay?”
”Peter can you hear me?”
“Yeah,” Peter shook his head, squinting to try and pick out the voice. “Someone’s talking to me.”
“Ah,” May nodded in understanding, “should… do you want me to leave for a bit?”
“No, you can stay,” Peter said, “I’m just gonna-”
“Yeah, go ahead,” May gestured vaguely.
Peter nodded. ’Keagan? Is that you?’
”Yeah. Look, about before-”
’Do you know who it was?’ Peter interrupted.
There was a long, uncomfortable pause. The twisting in his stomach returned.
”I’m sorry.”
“That was you?” he croaked out loud. May’s eyebrows shot up.
”I’m sorry, I- I panicked, I swear it wasn’t intentional, I just-”
“What, so you interrupted?! Great, thanks! Nico probably doesn’t wanna talk to me now!”
”I said I was sorry!”
“That doesn’t make it better!” he fumed, gripping the blanket harder. He gritted his teeth. “You ruined the one chance I had! Do you know how many people actually wanna hang out with me?! Two! Two, that’s it! I had a chance to make a friend, and you ruined it!”
”It’s not like I can control my triggers, Peter!”
Peter paused, breath stuttering. It was… a trigger?
”Your therapist- fuck, our therapist- said I was a sexual… a sexual protector, or some shit like that. You do know you were sexually abused, right?”
“I- I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Keagan sighed, annoyance creeping into his tone. ”Those memories don’t just disappear. I was- am, actually- the sexual protector. I’m not the only one, but I’m the first one to respond to that kind of shit. The only times anyone has ever… kissed you… is when… you know…” His voice trailed off, leaving Peter to fill in the blanks.
“Oh- oh god,” Peter sank down, resting his head against his knees, “I… I didn’t know. Why-” he gulped. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
”I was debating it for a while,” Keagan admitted, ”I always chickened out at the last second. It’s… it’s not an easy thing to do, and me telling you would mean you’d probably be able to remember. If we wound up integrating because of it, you’d remember all of that, and… none of it is pleasant.”
Peter flushed. “I’m sorry.”
”It’s okay. Like you said, you didn’t know.”
“No, but I was a jerk to you about it, and it’s not like you can control your triggers.”
”Pete, really, it’s okay. Look, just… I don’t think now is the best time to be talking about it, y’know? Why don’t we save this for the next therapy appointment?”
Peter hesitated before he nodded. “Okay.”
”I’m… if it’s cool with you, can I front for a bit? You can stay co-con if you want, I won’t push you back.”
“Yeah, that’s cool with me,” Peter agreed. Keagan seemed to sigh with relief, if the sudden relief from the twisting nausea in his stomach was anything to go by. “Um, can I ask why?”
Keagan hesitated. ”I wanna apologize to Nico. It… it was a dick move on my part, shutting him out like that. He was pretty angry. He probably blew up your phone while I was gone.”
“Oh, um, yeah, sure,” Peter nodded. “I guess… my chance with him is ruined, huh?”
”Pretty much. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, it was a defense mechanism. I’m not gonna blame you for panicking.”
”Oh, um- thanks buddy.”
“Of course, dude.”
Keagan pushed forward a bit, then all at once. Peter swayed, vision blurring, and felt himself being pushed back. It was a fairly new sensation. He wasn’t used to being in co-con, not yet, at least. It had only been three and a half months since his diagnosis, and he could probably count the number of times he’d been co-con on two hands. It was strange, being partially aware of what was happening outside his own body and not being able to control any of his movements.
Keagan unlocked Peter’s phone, taking out his contact lenses and standing up to set them down on the nightstand. May watched on, clearly curious as to who was fronting. Peter could just barely make out what was happening on the phone. The mix of Keagan’s prescription change and being co-conscious made it difficult to read anything, but he did make out more than a handful of all-caps texts from Nico.
’Yeah, he’s mad,’ Keagan sighed, ’sorry.’
“It wasn’t your fault,” Peter protested.
Keagan huffed. ’I guess. I’m just gonna reply and block him. You don’t need to see this.’
“Okay,” Peter shifted uncomfortably.
Keagan tapped out a reply, then blocked Nico’s number. He pocketed the phone and sat down on the bed with a sigh. ’Do you wanna co-front or just leave the explanation to me?’
“I’m just gonna wait back here,” Peter answered, “I’m terrible at wording things.”
Keagan snorted. ’That’s an understatement, Mr. ‘I Needed MJ To Explain My DID.’’
Peter flushed, ducking his head down. “Shut up,” he muttered under his breath, leaving a hint of a joking tone hidden within the phrase.
Keagan laughed a bit, then turned to talk to May. Peter tuned out the majority of the conversation, leaving Keagan to do the explanation. He turned his attention to sorting out his homework. Winter break was coming up soon, so his teachers were assigning things like crazy. He’d need to cut back on Spider-Man’s time out if he wanted to get anything done, at least until after Christmas. He’d probably do his algebra work after dinner, and maybe he’d do chemistry during lunch tomorrow. His chem lab wasn’t due til next Friday, but he wanted to get a leg up on it before he procrastinated to the point of cramming the entire thing on Thursday night, or, god forbid, Friday morning.
Keagan went back at some point, choosing to chill in co-con for a bit while he let Peter take over again. May had left some time ago, leaving him alone in his room with his homework. He sighed and started working on his algebra work, sketching out graphs of parabolas on a sheet of graph paper until he got bored and decided to work on tomorrow night’s homework instead.
“Keagan?” he asked, breaking the silence after about twenty minutes.
”Yeah?”
He blinked. He wasn’t actually expecting a response. “Um… you can talk to me about these things, you know. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. You… if anyone ever asks me out again… you can be in control of what happens and how fast we go.”
”Oh,” Keagan said, a bit startled, ”Um… thanks buddy. That… that really means a lot.”
“Sure,” Peter smiled, tapping his pencil against his jaw, “you’re a part of the system, too. You deserve to feel comfortable.”
Something warm rushed down into Peter’s stomach, but it wasn’t the uncomfortable twisting nausea he’d been feeling all day. No, this was more of a warm, fluttery feeling, something he associated with safety.
”Thanks Peter.”
“Of course! And hey- if it ever happens again, please tell one of us, okay? I… we don’t want you to be put in an uncomfortable situation with no comfortable way out.”
Keagan seemed to smile, almost. A rarity for him. ”Thank you. That… that really means a lot.”
“Of course.”
Keagan retreated back, the warm feeling melting away until his presence was completely gone.
Peter smiled.
If Nico acted like that after he rejected a kiss on their first date, he wouldn’t have reacted well to learning that Peter was a system. Maybe it was for the best that they didn’t go any further. In a way, Peter was thankful that Keagan had interrupted the date.
Maybe he’d find someone in the future.
But for now, though, he was content with just his small group of his friends and his system family. They were enough for him.