Work Text:
Ranpo, the lovable sweet-loving slacker of the ADA, had no enemies. Who could get angry with a man who does nothing at all? Well, that would be a bad example, considering that is how he wound up in a coffee shop at 7pm on a Tuesday night.
Kunikida had never been lenient with the man, but that was especially true when it came to Christmas time. You’d be surprised how many lovers decide to murder their cheating partners, do double suicides, and give illegal firearms to their lover. This increase in crime meant an increase in stress and of Kunikida’s overbearing presence. This also meant that Ranpo had to do his job, something he would laugh at during any other time of the year. He would also laugh at it now if the punishment wouldn’t include being denied his snacks, and Fukuzawa’s approval.
Having spent all day lounging around in his desk chair, none of his work had been completed. Of course, it might have helped him to know beforehand that his paperwork would be due the next morning or the threats would become reality.
Cue Ranpo’s anxiety hitting an all time high. Thankfully for him, the worst-best person was there at the best-worst time.
Ranpo should have been smart enough to never listen to Dazai, but he should have also been smart enough to know to do his work, so he really can’t blame his past self. He could however blame his present, with coffee staining his white shirt and another’s. If he could kill Dazai, he would, but unfortunately that is frowned upon in all 50 states (and Japan).
The Brunette “detective” had explained how wonderful coffee is for times like this. “Ranpo! I heard of your predicament! Luckily for you, you have an amazing and brilliant friend who would love to help you.~ Let me show you my favorite coffee shop!”, he had said. Perhaps being called his “friend” should have been the biggest red flag, but can you blame a desperate man?
He had led him to a small place near the agency, with brick walls and a wooden bar with stools facing a large window. The second red flag the detective should have noticed was Dazai paying for his drink. The man would not pay for his own parking meter, let alone another’s food. Though part of it could be chalked up to the likely possibility that the man had once again stolen money from Chuuya, this should’ve been the biggest sign something was amiss.
Once Dazai bought the beverage, the two sat down at the wooden bar to scatter their papers in front of them. Paying no mind to the man sitting next to the his left, Ranpo started his work. That lasted for around a good 5 minutes before he gave in to the urge to slack off, and try what could be his new favorite sweet.
The third mistake of the night was setting the cup down on his left, and then not turning back to facing the front when taking that first sip. Perhaps turning towards his right would have been an even better alternative. Either way, boy, did he fucking regret that.
The drink had been unsuspecting. A nice brown liquid that reminded him of chocolate, and whipped cream on top for good measure. As he took his first sip, all he felt was dread. Without thinking, he spit out the bitter liquid. Luckily for Dazai, Ranpo made his third mistake. This meant that he got a dry, front row seat of a disaster. Unfortunately for the stranger, Ranpo had made his third mistake.
The hot liquid fell in droplets down the brunette stranger’s face, nearly missing his odd cat. Of course, Ranpo only took a second to glance at them before realizing that he had also been attacked by his spray. It took one more second to see the tall prankster run through the café door, too fast and honestly unimportant to follow with his eyes. What would he even do if he caught up with the bastard anyways?
No, the problem now was getting this work done with a soaked shirt, and equally soaked seat neighbor. The seat neighbor he had momentarily forgotten about.
Looking back, he realized that this was not a stranger. He was an enemy? Acquaintance? Maybe a friend? All he knew is that he did know him, and his “weird cat” of a raccoon too. What exactly were they? Perhaps more importantly, would the man be upset enough to make him leave. Arahabaki knows that he’d fall asleep on the train, if he figured out how to get on the train in the first place.
The man picked up on Ranpo’s obvious confusion, and decided to break the ice. (CLICK LINK FOR NEXT LINE ^3^, if you trust me of course) "Hey Ranpo, are you in there?" he said, bringing the detective back to reality.
“Oh, hi Poe, I didn’t notice you there!...” he replied; an obvious lie.
“Hello Ranpo…, I’ve never seen you here before” he said with obvious discomfort at the situation and a slight tint of red on his cheeks.
“I have important detective work to do, and Dazai volunteered to help me with it. Unfortunately his taste in drinks is as bad as his taste in sweets” only half lying this time.
“Ah…, is that the meaning behind the… erm… coffee spitting?” He said while looking down at his shirt.
“Exactly! Though I am sorry, that wasn’t my intent.”
Interrupting them, a tall barista briskly walked over to the two. “Excuse me you two, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but we actually closed around 5 minutes ago. I felt bad to interrupt your date, but I really must get back to my cat.”
After recovering from the initial shock that the barista thought they were lovers, which Ranpo surprisingly didn't mind, he turned to the clock on the wall beside them told the both of them that it was 7:34. Obviously the closing time of the shop also “slipped” Dazai’s mind tonight.
“Oh, I guess I must be going then. It was nice seeing you again, Ranpo!” The man mumbled while leaving the door with his bag on his arm. The man snuck away when he was looking at the clock! How could he?!
“About that, are there any books you’d like me to come over and read?” He yelled, while running after him and trying to cover the intent behind his words. The detective still had no knowledge on how to get home by himself, but there is no way that he’d admit that. Especially not after embarrassing himself once already tonight.
“I- uh, I haven’t had time to tidy up. I haven’t had anyone over in months. Are you sure I can’t bring you the book I am working on tomorrow?” He replied, visibly caught off-guard.
“Come onnnn~. I don’t mind a mess, and then maybe you can even help me with some of my work afterwards!”
Poor Poe never stood a chance. Ranpo was already out of his seat, and walking out the door. Albeit the wrong way. Luckily he caught Poe walking the opposite way from him in time for him to run back to tag along with him.
The walk there was quiet, apart from the sound of car brakes and occasional chatter of the city as it started to head to sleep. Their steps echoed in unison, with the small patter of Karl’s steps beside them.
The second the lock clicked in the door, Ranpo pushed his way through into the studio. It was smaller than most would have probably expected from the Brunette, but being a foreign author whose group has disbanded, is not a high paying job. Which didn’t matter anyways. All he needed was his books, pen, a warm drink and Karl.
Ranpo took the opportunity given to him by being the first through the door, to make his way to the desk, which unfortunately sported no chair. The remnants of the last one in a broken pile beside the desk. How does that even happen?
“Hey Ranpo? I know you came to read my book for you, but do you really have the time?” He asked nervously.
Shit, he was found out. So much for being sneaky. All he could do was accept defeat and attempt to make his way home before he could be humiliated. Or so he thought.
Poe ignored his silence, and instead used the time to grab two white shirts, of the same style of the shirt he typically wore. out of his wooden dresser. “I don’t mind whatever you’re here for, it’s nice having you over at my place, I’ve missed your company.” Did he really say that? Yeah he did. Why did he say that?! Quickly backtracking, he said “Well, I- I mean because Karl really enjoys the treats you give him. Happy Karl happy life, you know? Haha…”
Ranpo turned around from his place looking at the desk, to a blushing Poe. Was he running a fever tonight? Oh well, he'd reather not ask and get sent home by himself. “Oh! Uh, why are you holding two shirts?” He stammered, afraid to address what had been said.
“Your shirt got stained along with mine, I suspected you’d like something to change into something clean before you restart on your work?”
Ranpo took the shirt with a nod before changing his shirt. Now that he was in a clean change of clothes, he had to deal with getting the work done. And the desk. Oh no, the desk.
As if reading his mind, Poe spoke. “Oh, are in need of a surface to write on? I’m so sorry, I had an incident with a spider that resulted in my only chair breaking, as you can see. You can sit down on my bed if you’d like.” The blush on his cheeks never fading from before, and instead growing brighter.
“I- uh sure. Thank you for the offer.” He managed to stammer out before his face mimicked Poe’s.
The three settled on the queen sized bed, with Karl laying down on the side of the bed, pushing the two together until their knees touched.
Ranpo sat down and attempted to work while Poe would periodically peer over from the side to read and correct the work. The cycle soon fell apart however, when Ranpo gave his first yawn, which Poe and Karl quickly added upon. The yawn turned into a snore 15 minutes later, as Ranpo slumped to the side onto Poe.
Although frozen still, Poe managed to build up the courage to shake the bleary eyed man awake a half an hour later.
“Ranpo, it’s 1am already, are you still okay with walking home at this time? You seem awfully tired...” The blush that had disappeared a few hours earlier, once again on his face.
“What are you suggesting? That I should sleep over tonight?” He asked as his face quickly rose up to the challenge of heating up as much as Poe’s.
“I- I mean, you can if you want to. We’re friends after all.” Poe said quietly, as if speaking to no one but himself.
Ranpo had heard though to make his heart race in happiness? Was that what this was? He could think about that later. He decided instead to only respond with a quick head nod and a lunge-turned hug for the taller. “Am I really your friend?” He said with wide eyes, a minute into the hug.
“O-of course you are. I-I thought that was obvious.”
“You are my friend too. Thank you, Poe. I’d love to spend the night.” As if to signal that Ranpo was not done speaking, Karl crawled all the way into the man’s lap prompting Ranpo to quickly add on “And Karl too of course!” Before the two men locked eyes while still embraced in their awkward hug.
Ten more minutes later into the embrace, Poe heard the first sign of a soft snore, signaling that Ranpo had fallen asleep. Of course the man would do anything to get out of doing more work, but still, this felt more than just an excuse to not do work. He carefully pressed his lips upon the detective’s cheek, before laying down and pulling a blanket to cover the two.
• ———————————————————————————————————————•
A beam of bright sunlight woke up the sleeping detective, half blinding him in the process. The warmth underneath him, and partly on top of him proved to him that the previous night had not been a dream of some sugar-induced coma.
He turned his side, and saw the man beside him smiling in his sleep. Maybe that coffee wasn’t so bad after all he thought, and subconsciously planted a cheek on the other’s forehead, before tangling himself back up into the other’s arms to bask in the warmth. Yeah, he could figure out these feelings later, for now he’ll bask in the comfort of Poe’s arms.
• ———————————————————————————————————————•
A month later, Ranpo regularly goes to the quaint coffee shop. Although, now he does it with a smoothie in hand, and extra change to buy one of each of the sweets on sale each day. Only to sit down beside the shy author and talk with him until they both head back to one of their apartments to read, and watch movies.
He may not know what they are to each other exactly. From the soft kisses they press onto each other's faces and hands. To the way he has grown used to sleeping in Poe's arms with Karl in his arms. Some may call it love. Others may just call it very close friendship. So close that Ranpo goes red when thinking of the occasional after-coffee pecks on the lips he gets, which he always complains about while calling them "disgusting" because of the coffee (which only seems to motivate Poe more). And the times they spend walking hand-in-hand to his apartment.
Whatever type of relationship this was, it made him feel like the luckiest detective in the world. And maybe, just maybe, that coffee prank wasn't so bad.