Archive of Our Own ^beta

Where is he? Where the fuck is he? Harry tapped his foot against the pavement, impatiently. It’s been an hour! Harry’s been out here in the cold for an hour and Louis is still nowhere to be found and to make things worse, he’s not picking up his phone so Harry doesn’t know what to do or if he should wait another ten minutes. 

At this point, Harry’s asking himself why he still bothers? Louis’ probably tricking him, saying he’s almost there when there’s a chance Louis hasn’t even left his flat yet. There’s a big chance Louis isn’t even coming because this whole thing they plotted was stupid, they both knew that.

Harry thinks again, maybe he should just give up on Louis showing up and start the car, though of course the moment he thought that his phone vibrated in his pocket. 

Another text from mum, of course, once more, asking when he’ll get here as if Harry didn’t say since this morning that he will arrive before dinner time.

Home is four hours away from London and it’s almost one in the evening so Harry doubts he’ll arrive on the time he promised his mother even if he didn’t wait for Louis, he’ll still arrive by the time everyone finishes dinner. 

But still, after reading his mum’s latest text of “Drive safely! Tell Louis I prepared his favourite desert and it’s getting cold, what time will you two get here again?” Harry decided to wait another ten minutes, staring at his unread messages to Louis he’s been sending since he got here, typing yet another message that Louis won’t bother checking.

After hitting send, he locked his phone and scoffed, looking around the almost empty street. It wasn’t usually this quiet in London but the snow was heavy and anyone would be insane to be standing still out here in the cold and yet, that’s what Harry was doing for half an hour now. 

A cab parked behind his rented car, Harry stares at it knowing who was inside and why they were taking their time inside the cab- simply because said person enjoys seeing Harry shivering out in the cold. 

But he finally left the cab, face almost covered all the way with his big hood and his backpack he hangs on one shoulder makes him look even tinier than he is, he approached Harry like he’s the king of England with both hands inside his pocket and head tilt slightly upwards. 

Though Harry can’t really make out his face (And honestly, he doesn’t really want to) he knows Louis has a smirk hiding behind his hood. 

“You could at least answer my texts, I waited a long time.” Harry broke the silence between them as he made his way to the driver seat of his rented car, Louis quickly entered through the passenger door. 

Once they were safely inside the warm car, Louis took off his hood. “Well, you didn’t have  to wait outside also my phone died and you did say to meet you here at twelve thirty.”

Harry opened his mouth then closed it again. He did say twelve thirty last night over text but Louis always comes early, he always does! Harry didn’t expect Louis to change after only three months of being apart. 

Also he waited outside because he didn’t want to miss Louis, wanna make sure Louis sees him by the road since Louis won’t be able to notice Harry by the car he’s renting.

“Well, it’s the worst time for your phone to die.” Harry said instead. 

Louis shrugged, pulling out his dead phone from his back pocket then his charger from the backpack sitting on his lap. “Does this car have a charger?”

Harry scoffed as he started the car. “The hell should I know, it’s not my car.”

Louis found a usb socket for his charger by himself then he looked up to watch the road as Harry drove away from where he parked and waited for Louis.

After Harry feels a little warmer and calmer, Harry wanted to break the silence again since the sound of Louis humming while clapping his lap annoyingly, probably doing it to irritate Harry.

“Okay, so.” Harry cleared his throat, wishing he has a cup of hot chocolate right now. “We’ll go to mum’s for dinner, your family will join us, mum confirmed it. Then you can stay with your family for the night after we’re done with dinner.” 

“What about the next day?”

“The next day is Christmas eve so I’ll most likely be with my family, you can join us if you want but if you don’t I’m sure my mum understands.” Harry shrugged, trying to think of last Christmas when they were still together for real and very much in love and the two of them never thought that a year later they’ll be on their way back home, secretly despising each other just to get through the weekend.

Louis didn’t say anything after that while Harry was still reminiscing last Christmas, he remembered what Louis got him as a present, a stupid knitted blanket Harry still uses to this day. It wasn’t stupid, really. Harry just thinks it’s stupid because Louis really learned how to knit just to make him that blanket.

Then Harry thinks of what he got for Louis, he bought Louis the latest playstation which he’s sure Louis still keeps in his flat, probably still uses it on the daily and he also bought Louis a custom made hand bracelet for his birth- oh, right. 

That’s why Louis asked about Christmas eve! Because it’s his birthday tomorrow!

Harry doesn’t even prepare a gift for Louis’ Christmas present let alone a birthday gift! But now he feels like he should’ve prepared something just because their family are going to be together for his birthday and probably asking what he got for Louis.

Harry can worry about that later, of course, he wasn’t even sure if he felt like celebrating Louis’ birthday right now.

The traffic was long and Harry realized now that half of London is probably here on the highway and that’s why the city felt so empty earlier. He wanted to cry because he doesn’t want to be stuck in an awkward car ride with his ex boyfriend for an extra hour. 

“Looks like we’re gonna be out here for a while.” Louis pointed out the obvious, Harry tried not to roll his eyes. “I suppose we can talk.”

“About what?” Harry asked, flatly, staring at the car in front of him, maybe if he stares a bit longer he can make that car poofed away and all the other cars ahead of him.

Louis shuffled in his seat awkwardly. “Well, how’ve you been doing?” 

“Alright.”

Then the car was silent again. Harry realized Louis was expecting him to ask Louis the same thing but small talks weren’t for the two of them- they’ve known each other their whole lives, making awkward small talks is ten times more awkward when it’s with someone you used to know and love. 

“How’s LA?” Louis asked after a long pause. 

Harry shrugged. “It’s nice and warm.” unlike here. Harry would say but knowing Louis it will probably lead to an argument. It’s how their endings began anyway- arguing over staying in LA or London. In the end of what seems like an endless argument though, Harry chose LA and Louis chose London. The only thing they agreed on was to end things between them. 

Louis nods, smiling, or at least Harry thinks he’s smiling, Harry can only see him from his peripheral vision, refusing to even spare Louis a single glance. 

“Befriend anyone I’ve seen on the telly yet? A Kardashian maybe?”

God, where was this conversation going?

“I’ve been there for a month, Louis, I’ve hardly known all my neighbors' names.”

“I’ll take that as living in LA has been uninteresting.” Harry doesn’t need to look at Louis to know the smug look on his face right now when he’s speaking in that tone.

Harry taps the steering wheel with his fingers, trying to think of something to say to Louis next. But he can’t think of anything because Louis wasn’t wrong; it has been uninteresting by far.

“When are you going to break it to your mum you moved there anyway?” Louis asked because it’s stupid, even Harry knows it, to move to another country and have your family completely unaware of it with excuses of being busy in London when he hasn’t even been in London this whole time. 

Harry brushed his curls backwards, letting out a loud sigh. “After Christmas, maybe.” Harry was a grown man and he used to have a steady income before he quit and moved oceans away, but it was still silly and completely selfish to move without notifying your family. What was Harry supposed to do though? He wasn’t going to say no to a modeling job in his dream city.

“When are you going to tell her we broke up?” Louis asked next. 

Harry exhaled, loudly. “When are you going to tell your mum?” 

“I asked you first.” 

Though Harry knew that’s what he was going to say, Harry still rolled his eyes at the way Louis said it. “Well, I suppose we ought to do it around the same time. How long are you planning to stay home?”

Louis shrugged. “Probably till the new years.”

“What?!” Harry finally turned to Louis and for the first time since they saw each other today, they locked eyes. “I thought you’re only going to stay till Christmas.” 

“Well, got no plans for the new years and haven’t seen my family since we broke up.”

They broke up about three months back and Harry knows Louis, he’s a family person and he never got that long without seeing his family. Harry can’t help but wonder if it was partly his fault. 

“I can’t stay that long, I already booked my flight back and it’s on the twenty sixth!”

“So, you’re telling me, you plan on telling your mum you’ve been living in LA a few hours before you’re supposed to fly back there?”

Harry looked back to the road, driving slowly because they were still stuck in the middle of the highway. “Well, I...I don’t know, maybe.” 

The truth was, he wasn’t even going to tell his mum about his current residence in America anytime soon, he’ll probably tell her the next time he flies back here to England, maybe before his birthday. 

“You know if you’re not ready to tell her, you can just tell me that.” Louis said, casually. Harry’s convinced ever since he was eight that Louis can read his mind and it was at times like this that he’s sure Louis does have the ability to do so. “I know it’ll be hard to tell her you relocated without consulting anyone about it but we can’t keep pretending we’re together, you know.”

Harry nods because he knows that Louis’ right.

If their relationship wasn’t so special to their family and if their family weren’t next door neighbours it’ll be easier to tell their family about their fallen relationship but Harry doesn’t have the heart to explain to his mother why they broke up when she’s so excited about seeing Louis and Harry can’t just say we broke up because I moved to LA, oops I forgot to mention that to you too.  

And it lifted a big rock off of Harry’s chest when Harry reached for Louis about a week ago asking where he’ll be spending Christmas at, he found out over text that Louis, too, hasn’t told his family about their relationship and that his family was also expecting Harry.  That made it easier for Harry to ask Louis if he would want to pretend they’re still together for the Christmas weekends.

Just to avoid uncomfortable conversations during what’s supposed to be the happiest times of the year and to avoid questions about how fast and easy it was to wreck what they had. 

Harry bit his lip, he’s over Louis, he’s sure of that, but that doesn’t mean that it stopped hurting, and now he's thinking of the day they decided to part ways, to leave what they had for many years behind over a single disagreement. 

At least, during that time Harry felt like it was over a single disagreement but maybe Louis had already lost all interest in Harry and their relationship with how unwilling he was trying to make Harry stay or to even come with Harry to America. Everything they built together for years ended in a split second and Harry’s sure, he’s very sure, that Louis had wanted to leave Harry months before he even thought about moving. 

“I’ll tell her and you’ll tell your family on your own time but just, for the holidays, can we just not mention and at least act as if everything’s okay?” Harry asked.

Louis sighed. “Yeah, we can do that.” 

Again. The car ride was quiet, Louis reached to turn on the radio and checked his phone a few times to see it's on yet, it still hasn't.

"You know, I saw Liam a few weeks back." Louis said suddenly once the song on the radio stopped playing. "You remember Liam, don't you?"

Harry needed a moment to remember Liam, it finally clicked to him that Liam was someone that goes to the same high school they did.

"Yeah, yeah. Does he live in London now?"

"Nah, he was just visiting and asked if I wanted to meet up. he asked about you."

of course he did. Anyone that knows Louis or Harry when they were younger would ask them about one another. 

"Oh, and?" Harry glanced at Louis. Just like Harry, he was avoiding eye contact and was staring out the window. 

Louis turned to him though, and once more, they locked eyes. it didn't feel awkward or anything, really. it still feels like coming home, somehow.

"Well, he's seen your pictures on socials, he works for a recording label in Manchester and he's been wanting to ask if you want to work with him but I told him you moved already." Harry can hear the regret in Louis' voice.

as if he wanted to say if only Liam offered you three months ago, you wouldn't leave. 

but Harry just shrugged. "I mean I'd love to have a connection here in England, just in case. do you mind if I can have his number or anything?"

"No, of course not. I have his card somewhere- probably left it in the flat but I have his number."

"Nice. thanks." Harry said, though it was nice to talk like they used to for a second there, they’re back to stage one of awkwardness when Louis ran out of people he can bring up in a conversation. 

Harry thought for a second he should be the one trying to make conversation since this was his idea in the first place, he’s the one who invited Louis, he’s the one who waited  for Louis out in the cold just to avoid awkward conversation with his family. 

But yet, he’s still not making an effort to have conversations with Louis. He couldn’t have missed that much when they were only apart for three months and Louis isn’t the adventure type or one to have dramatic changes, he’s pretty sure he didn’t miss a lot. So he's not even going to bother asking Louis how he was doing. 

After another ten minutes of sitting in silence, the faded sound of the radio host felt like it was getting louder and louder by the minute, Louis had to break the silence one more time. 

“So, why did you rent this car when I could have driven you?” 

Good question. Harry knew Louis was going to question him about this at one point of their trip. 

The real answer was because Harry didn’t want to be dependent on Louis for the trip, he’s not going to just sit on the passenger side and go back to London whenever Louis feels like going back. Not when he already booked his ticket for the twenty sixth. He already planned this trip on his own time. 

When Harry took too long to answer Louis said again. “You know I would drive you all the way to Heathrow if you just ask me to, right?”

Dammit, there he goes again reading Harry’s mind or maybe it’s only cause he’s known Harry for over twenty years now, there’s nothing Louis doesn’t know about Harry. 

Harry ignored his comment though, maybe by ignoring it he doesn’t have to admit what Louis was thinking was right.

Not long after another round of silence between the two he can feel his phone vibrates in his pocket, he groans, quickly pulling it out and throw it towards Louis’ direction, he’s sure it was his mum calling and he doesn’t need to say anything for Louis to understand that he wants him to answer it. 

Louis aimed the front camera towards his face before answering, Harry glanced at his phone screen only to see his mum’s face, excitedly greeting Louis.

“Hi Anne!” Louis greeted, just as excited as she was. “We might get there late, traffic’s crazy and Harry’s a bit moody.”

“I’m not a bit-” Harry started but stopped himself when Louis turned the camera towards him. “Hi mum, yeah, traffic is very bad right now.”

Anne hummed. “Well, we can always push back dinner an hour later. Anyway- Louis, you wouldn’t believe what Jay and I planned for your birthday present!”

Louis turned the camera back to himself, a huge grin plastered on his face. “You got me a birthday present? Anne, you shouldn’t have!”

“Nonsense! You know you’re like a son to me and it's really from your mum.”

“No, really, you shouldn’t have, he’s a grown man.” Harry said, eyes still on the road. “You haven’t even given me a birthday present since I was like, nineteen.” 

Anne laughed at his son, probably thinking he’s jealous that Louis is getting a present and he hasn’t got one for a long time but that’s besides the point! If they were still together and his mum brought presents for his boyfriend, he’d be happy for Louis, now this is a different and weird case. 

“Well, this one’s especially for Louis, I’m sorry, darling.” 

“I can’t wait to see it.” Louis grinned. “You’re going to love your Christmas present from me, I bet.” 

Harry’s brows knitted together- last year, Harry picked out the gift Louis gave Anne, since he’s always worried she won’t like his gift (Which is nonsense since Anne never ever hates anything from Louis, even if he showed up empty handed and only give her a hug as a birthday present) 

“I can’t wait to see you, let alone seeing your gift!” 

Last year, hearing his boyfriend talking to his mum like this, Harry would’ve cooed and thought to himself of how lucky he is but now, the only thing he can think of was ways to throw his phone out the window without hurting a stranger. 

They talked for a couple more minutes and Harry tried not to listen but to his luck they finally said goodbye, Anne only talked to Harry again to say goodbye then hang up. 

Louis put his phone between them, not wanting to hold Harry’s belongings long enough that Harry can make an argument out of it. 

“Do you wanna stop by a rest stop?” Louis asked after an hour on the road. The highways were starting to clear up and Harry was speeding as fast as he was brave enough to do. “We can get something to eat while-”

“No, I’m fine, can wait till dinner.” Harry cuts him off, it seems like right now Harry can’t take another hour of being alone in the car with Louis, everything Louis says sounds so forced like he’s just saying it to avoid more silence but Harry wished he would just shut up till they get there. 

Harry’s lucky when Louis finally shut up and it wasn’t until Harry glanced to check on Louis to realize he was asleep on the passenger side, head resting against the window with his hood back up.

This was nice to watch Louis being in such peace, no longer worrying about how awkward it was to be in a four hours drive with his ex of six years. 

The rest of the ride was a little bit more chill since Louis was asleep and the road was getting clearer and Harry can just focus on the road ahead.

He’s not even sure if Louis is actually sleeping or if he’s just avoiding Harry so that he doesn’t have to have another awkward conversation. 

The sky was dark when they arrived and it was colder here than it was in London this morning, Harry wished he was wearing more than one jacket. Despite being born and raised here, Harry still can’t get used to the cold weather which is probably why he chose LA any day over staying here.

Louis woke up when he heard Harry slammed the door shut, he didn’t even bother waking Louis up, knowing Louis can wake up from the slightest sound.

Harry pulled out his suitcase from the trunk the same time Louis left the car, rubbing his sleepy eyes while looking around the dark neighborhood.

“How long was I asleep?” Louis asked, following Harry to the back of the car, watching the younger of two struggle with pulling his luggage out. Louis made no move to help him because Harry’s probably going to fuss about it.

“The whole ride.” Harry grunted, cussing the stupid rented car for their small trunk and the fact that his suitcase was stuck. He only brought such a big suitcase because he had a lot of presents to give; Louis has six siblings!

Louis leaned against the car, looking to the two houses in front of him, one where he grew up, the other where he spent most of his days while growing up. He was the first to notice Anne’s door opening slowly and out came not one, not two but three girls running towards them.

“You’re here! Finally!” Harry noticed the voice, it was either one of Louis’ sisters thought it was hard to tell when he was more focused on the stupid suitcase. 

Once he got the suitcase out, probably scratched a part of it but he couldn’t care about that right now, he put on the biggest smile he can because now that Louis’ sisters are done attacking Louis with hugs, Harry was their next victim.

Harry never really had  a problem with Louis’ sisters, though they were way younger than Louis, Harry did raise them like Louis did so they were no strangers to him and often feels like they’re his own little sisters. 

“Hi! Can we go inside? I’m freezing.” Harry shuddered, walking past Louis while the girls followed him, they already started talking about how long they waited and how hungry they were as if Harry wasn’t as hungry.

He didn’t expect Louis to grab the handle of his stupid luggage from him but that’s exactly what Louis did and Harry looked up to him, furrowing his brows as if Louis has never done anything nice for him before.

But Louis didn’t say a word, just told his sisters to make sure Harry gets something warm to drink while he walked behind them.

“Hi!” Harry greeted their family, already together in the living room. And everyone was relieved to finally see Louis and Harry after postponing dinner for them. 

Everyone was there, all of Louis’ younger siblings, his mum, his step dad and then there’s Harry’s mum, Gemma and her boyfriend. The house was packed and it took another thirty minutes of hugs and kisses before they all finally had dinner.

Dinner wasn’t awkward even when Louis and Harry have to sit next to each other. Mainly because everyone was always talking over them so staying quiet wouldn’t ruin dinner like it did the car ride here.

There were too many voices on the table, it’s always been like this since they started, having Christmas eve eve dinner with both Harry and Louis’ family.

Harry’s not even sure who’s talking to who because he’s tired after a plane ride here, waiting for Louis out in the cold, driving here, all in an empty stomach so he couldn’t care less what everyone was talking about, probably catching up on all the months they were apart; like Gemma bragging out her new house in Liverpool or Lottie complaining about her first few months in her first full time job, Harry got all of his updates over Instagram he doesn’t need to hear it from these people. 

“Louis? You seem awfully quiet, is everything okay?” Someone said- Harry realized after a while it was his mum. Of course Anne would be the one who noticed. Louis’ usually the loudest on the table and the only time he’s quiet is when he’s eating- from the look on his plate, he doesn’t even look like he’s enjoying the meal.

Louis looked up to Anne, forcing the fakest smile Harry’s ever seen. “I’m fine, just tired from the road.”

Yeah, as if he’s the one who hopped off the plane and into the rented car all in the same hour. Harry thought to himself, trying not to roll his eyes while he goes back to his meal.

“If you want to go and rest now, It’s okay, love, you can go.” Jay was speaking this time, Harry’s a bit surprised that everyone’s paying more attention to Louis than him who had the longest- oh right, they didn’t know about his recent relocation. 

“Yes, I agree, go get some rest.” Anne said. “Harry’s room all clean and ready for the weekend and-”

“My room?!” Harry dropped his spoon into his soup, everyone was suddenly so quiet and facing him. Harry hated the attention. “My- uh, Louis said he’s staying at Jay’s. Right, Louis?”

“Oh, you two will be staying at mine? No one told me.” Jay giggled, innocently. “I thought you two will stay here so I invited Dan’s sister and her husband to stay the weekend and they’re taking Louis’ room.”

Harry doesn’t know why this has to happen and why he didn’t think of a backup plan in case something like this happened. And it really did!

“Surely, there’s nothing wrong with staying here, Harry?” Gemma asked, raising an eyebrow.

They all still think Louis and him were going to the same room and Harry can’t just say in front of everyone they’ll be sleeping in separate beds without raising more questions.

Harry shakes his head, no, suddenly losing interest in finishing his food. “No, it’s fine. We can stay here.”

And staying is what they’re doing once they finished dinner, they even stayed back a couple for minutes, helping with the dishes and when Jay said her goodbye to go home (or literally next door) alongside her family, Harry said goodnight to his family and dragged Louis upstairs to his childhood room.

Now this room has enough memories as it is but Harry finds himself making new ones every time he visits his mum with Louis by his side. It was almost crazy to think, this could be the last time he’ll ever share this room with Louis.

“Okay,” Harry started, walking past Louis. “I didn’t think this would happen, how am I supposed to know Dan has a sister?!”

Louis blinked, resting his back against the door Harry locked on his way in. “You went to her wedding with me last year.”

That’s right they did, now that Louis mentioned it he remembers who Dan’s sister is.

“Look, why are you freaking out over sharing a room with me? We’ve been sharing a bed since we were little.” Louis said, walking over to his backpack, Harry’s not even sure how Louis managed to put all presents for their family and his clothes in it, but it was a pretty big bag. “I know it’ll be weird but why can’t we try and get along for real while we’re here, what’s stopping us from being friends again?”

Harry scratched the back of his neck trying to find a reason why they can’t be friends again. The only thing he can think of was how weird it is to be friends with an ex of six years but they were friends before that and longer than they were together, they gave dating a chance, why can’t they give friendship another chance?

“Okay, yeah, we can try.”

“Right so let’s just pretend we’re ten again and this is our first sleepover.” Louis smiled at him, this one’s look genuine and it was contagious because seconds later, Harry’s smiling back, not sure at what, but he was just smiling back at Louis like nothing bad ever happened between them. 

Maybe Louis’ right, maybe they can share a bed for three nights.

Harry opened his mouth, he thought of a joke regarding their first sleepover many years ago about Louis’ spiderman’s pajamas when the familiar ringtone from Louis’ phone filled the room and Louis quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket. 

Who could be calling him at this hour?

“Oh, one sec.” Louis excused himself to Harry, walking over towards the balcony attached to Harry’s room, sliding the door open and the only thing Harry heard was “Hi, babe.” coming out of Louis’ mouth before the now shut door blocked whatever he was saying next.

And if anyone asks Harry about how he feels about hearing Louis calling someone who isn’t him babe , he’d probably use a lie as an answer because the truth was it hurts . It hurts really bad because as selfish as it sounds he didn’t think Louis would move on so quickly. Even when he’s sure Louis already lost interest in him way before they broke up he always thought going back to dating someone would be hard for Louis...especially only after three months.

Now he had to sit down on the edge of his bed and try to make out Louis’ figure from the glass door that was covered in drapes while trying to think if the person Louis is talking to is someone Harry knows or met before, if that person is aware that Louis is spending Christmas with his ex boyfriend’s family, if Louis had already talked to this person about his past with Harry.

This shouldn’t hurt this bad, not when he swore he was over Louis. But also, he thinks the pet name hurts more, that was what Louis used to call Harry, it felt special until it isn’t anymore. 

After waiting for what feels like hours, Louis returned to the room with a big smile on his face, a bit of snow was resting on top of his head and falling down his sweater covered shoulder. 

Okay, act cool, don’t let him know you were trying not to cry three minutes ago. Harry swallowed his own spit before saying. “I didn’t know you were seeing someone.” then internally cursed at himself because that did not sound cool. 

Louis’ brows knitted together, dropping his phone at the top of Harry’s dresser. “Well how were you supposed to know anything going on in my life when you’ve been avoiding talking to me.” Okay, fair. “And I’m not seeing someone, it’s not serious.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, we’re just trying to work things out.” Louis said, grabbing a clean shirt from his backpack as well as a pair of shorts. “She’s convinced you planned this trip because you’re trying to reconnect with me.” He snorted at his own words but the only thing Harry can focus on is the fact that this person now has a pronoun, that’s one step closer to knowing who she is.

Harry needs to dig more information- for reasons he doesn’t understand but he needs to know more! 

“So she knows about us?”

“Of course she does, you know who she is.” Louis told him before leaving Harry alone to go to the bathroom connected to his room, leaving the door open so Harry followed him in because Louis can’t just end the conversation when Harry’s mind was going through all their mutual friends and who could this person be.

Louis stares at Harry who was leaning against the door frame that connects the ensuite to his room. Probably regretting his decisions of leaving it open. 

“I know who she is?” Was the only thing Harry asked.

Louis grabbed a packet of three toothbrushes, probably prepared by Anne, taking one from the now ripped packet. “You know three hours ago you didn’t seem so interested about what’s going on in my life.”

Well, three hours ago Harry didn’t think Louis was already seeing someone- or trying to work things out with someone. 

Luckily for Harry, Louis didn’t wait for a reply and answered his question. “It’s Eleanor.” He mumbled but Harry heard it loud and clear.

His eyes widened at the name, heart twisting so tightly it was almost hard to breathe. “Eleanor, my old coworker Eleanor?” 

“Well-”

“You’re seeing Eleanor? The woman you met once at Max’s party?” Harry stepped into the en suite with Louis, voice slightly raised to let Louis know he demanded an answer, though he didn’t wait for Louis to explain himself. “How- how long has this been going on? Is this why you didn’t want to come with me to LA? How did I miss this…” the last question was more of him asking himself.

Louis let out a loud sigh. “I’m not seeing her, I just told you-”

“You called her babe! She called you this late at night and you expect me to think there’s nothing going on between you two?” He cuts him off again, at this point both of them don’t understand why they’re arguing over this. 

But Louis is Louis, so of course he explained himself despite the fact that Harry keeps cutting him off and he doesn’t need to explain his relationships with Harry, they broke up three months ago!

“We’re not...it’s nothing serious right now, again, we’re working things out.” Louis said, calmly, as if Harry wasn’t putting up a fight. “And this didn’t happen when we met at that stupid party, I bumped into her a few weeks back also for the record, I didn’t come to you with LA because I have a life here . I work here, my family’s here and I can’t just give everything up to live in a foreign country.”

Harry shakes his head in disbelief. “You’ll be with me! You won’t be in a ‘foreign’ country alone also what do you think it’s like in America? You’re acting as if I asked you to go to mars with me!”

“I wasn’t going to leave my life behind to see you during your spare time!” Now Louis was yelling too, having the exact conversation they had three months ago. "I have a good career here!"

This is stupid, they both knew that. And yet, here they are, having a winless argument with each other again.

“You didn’t even give it a try! You just denied it, obviously wanting me to leave you and England as fast as possible!”

“I never asked you to leave!” 

“Well, you never asked me to stay either!”

“You had an opportunity, I didn’t want to hold you back!”

This could go on all night- Harry knows because it has happened before, it goes on and on for days and the better part of Harry wants to stop himself from arguing any further but the other part of him wants to know about Louis’ relationship with the woman Harry used to work with. 

“Just- why her?”

“I- I don’t know, Harry, why does this matter so much to you?” Louis was calmer now that Harry wasn’t yelling either. “You don’t work with her anymore and we’re not together anymore.”

Louis’ right, of course he is. But it hurts , it still does even though it’s not supposed to. Not anymore at least. 

Instead of dragging this conversation any longer, Harry ends it with a “Goodnight, Louis.” 

He closed the bathroom’s door on his way out, so he can change in his room without looking back to Louis and start another argument over something stupid.

Changing out of the clothes he wore all day, he changed into a pair of sweatpants and long sleeve shirt before throwing his tired body on the familiar bed. The scent of the softener his mother’s been using since he was in grade school lingers on the pillowcase, reminding Harry of simpler times when Louis and him were best friends, not knowing years later they’ll be staying in this room during the holidays only to argue over something they both let go of. 

Harry fell asleep almost instantly, drifting away but the sound of someone else joining him in his bed had his eyes back open, staring at Louis who was getting comfortable on what used to be his side of the bed. 

Louis noticed that he woke Harry up. 

“Just like we’re having a sleepover, right?” He had to make sure because after a stupid argument, he’s not sure Harry wants to share a bed with him.

Harry turned around so that his back was facing Louis. “Just stay on your side.” Though Harry’s sure that won’t be a problem for Louis. 

***

Waking up the next morning felt really good because for once after he moved to LA he didn’t have to worry about what time he wakes up for work, especially when he’s been drowning in work there and now he can actually relax and sleep for as long as he wants, knowing his mother, she wouldn’t interrupt. 

But of course his body decided that was enough sleep- Harry wasn’t sure how long he slept because when he woke up the first thing he worried about wasn’t the time, but the fact that he was in his bed alone. Now where could Louis be? 

Putting on a coat over the clothes he slept in, he walked out of his room, looking around the empty hallways of the second floor before going downstairs, the house was much more quiet now than it was last night, no signs of Louis’ voice anywhere.

He did find Gemma and her boyfriend out in the back porch with a cup of something on their hands.

“Good morning,” Harry greeted the two, while they were in the middle of laughing at something Harry just missed.  “Have you seen Louis?”

Gemma shrugged the same time Michal shakes his head no.

“I think he went next door with mum, something about his birthday gift that mum and Jay won’t shut up about.”

Harry’s eyes widened, he remembered Louis’ birthday since yesterday and he knows about the gift his mum is excited for from the brief facetime yesterday but he didn’t expect them to open his birthday presents they prepared this early in the morning, from the looks on Gemma’s tired eyes and the thick fog, it couldn’t be as late as Harry hoped it would be.

After excusing himself, Harry put on a pair of boots only to go over to their next door neighbor also known as Louis’ mum’s house. He shouldn’t care this much about what they got him but he really wants to know what could be so important to give to a grown man?

Harry knocked, of course, despite the fact that Jay told him the front door is never locked and he can come in and out anytime he wants.

Lottie was the one who answered and the house was loud, even from the front door Harry can hear voices from each corner. 

“Hey, Lots. is Louis here?” Harry asked, stepping inside once Lottie moved out of the way to let him in. 

Lottie rolled her eyes. “He’s in mum’s office with mum and Anne. apparently having an ‘adult conversation’ as if i’m not an adult.” 

Harry smiled, ruffling her already messy hair. “You’re twenty two.”

“Does that not make me an adult?” 

“You should be glad they don’t think you’re one yet.” Was what Harry said before leaving her and went up the stairs, he knows his way around the house, just like Louis in his house- this is Harry’s second house. Always has been since he was just a little boy.

The ‘adult’ conversation doesn’t look very private when Harry reached the door to find out it was half open, almost anyone can just stand here and listen to whatever they’re saying. 

Harry didn’t barge in or knock just yet. No, he waited outside and tried to pick up whatever he could hear.

“I’m just saying, I can’t accept this because I know where Harry and I are standing right now and we’re not anywhere near marriage.” Louis sounded frustrated and Harry’s brow furrowed at the mention of his name but at the word marriage his jaw dropped. 

“We’re not saying you should propose now or sometimes soon, we just want to let you know that this is yours and whenever you two are ready, it’s yours and his.” Harry heard Jay speaking this time. 

Harry tries to put two and two together- did they buy Louis a ring for a birthday present? A ring that they’re hoping he will use when he proposes to Harry? 

No, no, this can’t be happening! Not when they both know there’s no future in their already broken relationship. Anne and Jay would be more disappointed than he could imagine and all Harry could do is just hope Louis turns down the ring without blurting any secrets they have between them.

Harry can’t stay- he shouldn’t. So he walked on his tip toes as if they’d heard his footsteps and hurriedly down the stairs, no one was around to see him leave the house, thank his lucky stars. 

Once he made it inside his house, his head was spinning with the newly information he got from eavesdropping, there was no doubt he’s going full on panic mode because all he can think of was Jay and Anne and how much they have hope in the already dead relationship.

Out of all the years, why did they think this year was the perfect time to give Louis the gift? Why not last year when things were better and Harry might’ve said yes in a heartbeat if Louis proposed. 

“Are you good?” The sudden voice made Harry jump, looking up to find Gemma standing by the door that connects to the kitchen, the cup she was holding earlier was still in her hand but there weren't any signs of Michal anywhere near her.

“I think mum and Jay are making Louis propose to me.” He blurted out, he doesn’t have to keep this a secret to her, right? 

Gemma nods twice. “And why are you freaking out? You and Louis are practically already married just not on papers.” Then she raised an eyebrow and Harry knows that look, Harry knows that she knows. “Unless you two broke up a while back and there’s a reason you two are here together when you don’t really want to be.”

“I uh,” Harry should lie, he can if he tries but it was exhausting and one of these people can keep a secret, especially when it’s Gemma. “How’d you know?”

“Well, for starters, you took down pictures of you and him off of your social media.” Gemma said, walking over to the couch, throwing herself back without worrying about her drink spilling all over. “Also you’ve been acting weird at dinner, not to mention how loud you two were yelling at each other last night.” 

Okay, that was Harry’s bad for yelling but really it wasn’t abnormal for a couple to have an argument, they couldn’t be that bad. 

“I didn’t think anyone would notice the social media part.” Harry said, honestly.

Come to think of it, he wasn’t that much prepared for a weekend of lies with his family, every lie he told by far always has a flaw in it. 

Gemma took a sip of her drink before putting down the mug on the coffee table. “So, what are you going to do? I heard it’s not just a ring.”

“What do you mean?” Harry’s ear perked up knowing Gemma knows more about this ring so he took a seat next to her.

“It’s Louis’ grandparents’, Jay’s mum. It’s a family heirloom I think.”

The thing about knowing Louis’ family like his own is that he knows exactly which rings Gemma is talking about. 

Harry met Louis’ grandparents when he was just a kid, he had always admired their love and the rings on their fingers. The image of said ring was clear in Harry’s head and Harry remembered Louis’ grandma talking about it, saying the rings pass down from generation to generation. 

Harry saw that ring again at Dan and Jay’s wedding and if it weren’t for their breakup, said ring could be wrapped around Harry’s finger any day now. So fuck. This must’ve meant a lot to Jay- even to Harry’s mum for some reason.

Now he has to think of a whole scenario of rejecting Louis’ proposal or tell their parents now that they aren’t even together anymore, let alone thinking about getting married. 

Their conversations had to end when the front door flung open and in came Louis, he doesn’t look at all happy and Harry knows exactly why. His eyes met Harry’s. 

“Can I talk to you for a second?” He said immediately and Gemma gave Harry a thumbs up when he followed Louis up the stairs.

Louis looked so stressed, Harry thinks, even more than he is right now.

Harry closed his bedroom door, watching Louis paced back and forth like he’s losing his mind. He probably is losing his mind so of course Harry spared Louis explaining the story Harry already knows. 

“It's the heirloom rings, isn’t it?”

“Yes!” Louis stopped moving then, standing a few feet away from Harry, staring right back at him. “This is getting more and more stupid, Harry, why- why are we doing this again? Remind me why we’re pretending we’re still together?” 

Harry exhaled all the air he didn’t even know he was keeping in. “Because they’re gonna ask what happened and I have to tell them about LA and-”

“And you should tell them, you really should.” He’s not sure why Louis was panicking, this is a situation that Harry’s sure a little bit of time can fix. “I know you’re not ready but it’s stupid enough you left home without informing your family and the fact that you just pile up excuses after excuses-”

“Will you calm down?!” Harry cuts him off, he can’t wait till the weekend’s over and he can go back to LA, he wouldn’t have to deal with Louis again. “It’s fine, they didn’t ask you to propose right this second, just tell them we broke up before you even asked, what’s wrong with that?”

Louis huffed, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “You need to tell them the truth, they need to know where you live, what’s the worst that could happen?” 

“It’s just…” Harry sighed, walking over to sit next to Louis on the bed. Louis turned his face so he could look at Harry better but Harry didn’t want to look Louis in the eyes. Not while having this conversation. “It happened so fast, you remember how fast it was, the endless argument over staying or moving then just decided we should go our own ways and neither of us put up a fight, we just stopped talking and suddenly I was in LA, doing whatever it takes not to think about you and…”

Louis shouldn’t be an asshole right now, but of course he decided it was decent to say. “This has nothing to do with not telling your family-”

“I wasn’t done talking!” Harry said through held back tears. “I’ve...I've never processed losing you, I think...there’s a part of me that still thinks we’re together so I...I wasn’t ready to talk to my mum about losing you more than I am to talk about LA.”

Harry doesn’t want to look at Louis but that sure shuts him up. 

After minutes passed of awkward silence, Harry wanted to clear things up. He doesn’t need to but he feels like he should. “But listen, it’s very...I needed to see you, I really do.I mean, at least seeing you and knowing where you are right now makes me realize I can move on with my life too.”

That’s when he looked up at Louis, he smiled when Harry faced him. “If it makes you feel better, I couldn’t tell my family about us either, that’s why I agreed to do this with you, right? But listen, while we’re here together, I think it’s best if we tell them now.”

Louis got a point, maybe telling everyone while they’re together would be easier. 

“Okay,”

“Okay?” Louis perked up. “Alright, yeah, well, we’re going out for dinner tonight, can we tell them then?” 

“Okay.” Harry said again.

Louis stood up from the bed then. “Alright then, uh, listen, my sisters are waiting, they want me to open the presents they bought for me now, you’re welcome to come over, of course but I’ll be right back, yeah?”

“Sure, go spend time with them.” Harry stood up and watched Louis leave the room.

Before Louis could make it far though, Harry calls him back. “Oh and Lou...happy birthday.”

Louis gave him a tight smile. “Thank you.”

What Harry did next was dumb- there was no other words he can use to describe it but he felt it was the right moment especially since they were the only one standing in the hallway of the second floor right in front of Harry’s bedroom door, but he leaned closer to Louis, pressing his lips against Louis and he swear for a moment there, Louis pressed back, relaxed his lips against Harry’s until he didn’t anymore, stepping a few feet back instead of pushing Harry away.

None of them said anything but none of them left. 

They stayed there, just staring at each other with a blank expression.

Louis left first, turning around and walking away casually like his ex boyfriend didn’t just try to steal a kiss from him.

It wasn’t until later when Harry’s alone with his thoughts standing in the hallway that he realized how fucking stupid he was for doing that!

Instead of joining Louis’ family in unwrapping birthday presents they got for Louis or even hanging out with Gemma and Michal at home, Harry decided to take his rented car for a spin, wearing the thickest coat he brought with him and wander around the town, maybe this would get his mind off of Louis and that kiss. God, why did he kiss Louis?!

Harry stopped by his old school, it feels like a lifetime ago, despising every morning because he has to wake up early after staying up all night with Louis, stealing giggles and breaking into Anne’s wine cabinet, replacing what they stole after they get paid from their weekend jobs.

He let out a pity laugh to himself, can’t believe he went outside in hopes he won’t think of Louis but instead everything he sees only reminds him more of Louis.

Harry rests his head back in the car, thinking why, why did he have to fall for Louis out of all the people in the world, he had to fall for someone who reminds him so much of home, who’s such a big part of his life that losing him feels like losing half of himself and not only that but also why, why didn’t he cry the first few days after they ended things, why didn’t he give himself time to grief that there’s a small part of him that thinks they’re still together, that is upset Louis is moving on and most likely will take Eleanor home this time around next year, why did he think it was normal for him to leave the flat he once shared with Louis without packing regrets alongside his clothes?

And why did it hurt so bad seeing Louis now? Why didn’t it hurt when he couldn’t sleep late at night in his one bedroom apartment at Melrose avenue, why does it hurt more sitting in this rental car with their old school as his view?

Also why did he take Louis on this trip? Why didn’t he just go by himself and tell his family about the fact that they have split without making things more complicated?

Driving back home after he found a small bakery that’s still open during Christmas eve felt really hard because if he could he’d rather stay out then seeing their family with hopes in their eyes because they think that Louis might propose any day now, like they know a secret Harry doesn’t know yet but he does...he really does though he wished he doesn’t know about the heirloom ring gift to Louis at the same year they broke up. 

“Hi,” Harry smiled at Fizzy who opened the door this time, her eyes wandered to the bag Harry was holding, she could probably smell what’s inside.

Fizzy would probably ask what was inside then proceed to ask for some if it wasn’t for Jay noticing the fact that Harry’s still standing by the front door. 

“Harry, I told you all the time you can just come in without knocking.” She said pulling Harry inside because according to the weather forecast there’s a chance of a blizzard tonight. Harry hopes that’s not true. “Oh, you got Louis a cake? We’re going out, love, you didn’t have to.”

He looks down at his plastic and shakes his head. “No, no, it’s not a birthday cake but yeah it’s for Louis. Also I’ll make sure he leaves room for dinner tonight.” Harry grinned at Jay. “Where is he anyway?”

“I think he’s in the twins’ room, tell them it’s time for their baths, will you? I’ll be right up.” Jay said walking towards the kitchen, it’s so like Jay to busy herself during Christmas eve slash her son’s birthday. 

Going up the stairs to Dorris and Ernest's room, Harry can already hear Louis talking to them from down the hallway.

“Hi,” Harry stood by the door to find Louis sitting on the floor, trying to engage with his little siblings by joining their tea party.

“Arry!” Ernest called, excitedly. 

He takes it as a sign that it was okay to come in. “Hello, you two, your mother said it’s bath time! Wanna race her to the bathroom?”

Harry knows his way with the twins and he knows Jay will always thank him for getting them into the bathroom because it wasn’t as easy as Harry made it seem. Harry waited till the twins were out of the room till he joined Louis on the floor.

Louis put down his plastic cup with imaginary tea in it, suddenly tense and it’s probably because he’s alone in the room with Harry.

“You know that one place we used to go to after school?” Harry started, pulling out the box from the plastic, Louis’ gaze dropped to the box. “We used to just sit for hours and share a muffin. It was always lemon poppy seed because we thought it was too risky to try anything else from that place or even try a different place because we thought we already found a favourite?” 

Louis nods slowly. “Did you get me that?”

“Well, I thought of doing so but the place was closed.” Harry shrugged, pulling out the muffin from the box. “So I found this place, they didn’t have lemon poppy seed and I thought well, when else are we going to give other places and other flavours a try?” 

Louis blinked. “We did try different places, in London, where I live and where you used to live.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “I mean here.” Then he hands Louis the muffin. “Also I’ve never seen you had a blueberry muffin.” 

Louis eyes the muffin then Harry. “Fine.” He took the muffin from Harry. “Thanks.”

“That counts as your birthday present.” Harry grinned watching Louis take a couple bites of the muffin.

“God, first the rings and now this...do I really have to share all my birthday presents with you?” Louis joked, Harry laughed.

“You don’t have to share this with me.” 

“I have to share a muffin with you, it’s the only way the world works.” Louis peeled the paper stuck to the muffin, handing it closer to Harry’s mouth, not for Harry to take with his hands but for Harry to take a bite.

So Harry did lean in to take a bite, keeping his eyes on Louis and it felt very intimate for a second there; more than the kiss they shared today. 

“It’s good, innit?” 

“It’s nice.” Harry said after he swallowed his bite of the blueberry muffin.

The truth was, it felt very great being able to have a conversation with Louis without arguing, awkward silences or the need to bring up their whole scheme for the weekend. It was nice being in this moment with Louis knowing years from now this moment will be squashed in together with all the other memories of him.

They were interrupted by Louis’ obnoxious ringtone, Harry already knows who’s calling.

“One sec,” Louis wiped the corner of his mouth with his thumb, leaving the room while he fished his phone out of his pocket to answer the ring. Harry can only watch him go. 

***

The place Jay chose for dinner was nice and she reserved a big table that fits both their families. No one made Harry sat next to Louis but he did anyway, they did say they’re going to tell everyone about their break up now though seeing how happy everyone looked right now even though they were all minding their own business talking to one another, Harry felt stupid to be announcing to their entire family about a break up that won’t matter in a few years from now, when they were both happy with other people. 

“Trust me, it wasn’t easy to get reservations on Christmas eve.” Harry heard Jay say to Anne, he frowned knowing that Harry will be the reason their beautiful dinner is ruined in a matter of minutes.

Louis was done with his desert when he turned to a pale face Harry. “Everything okay?” he asked, placing a hand on Harry’s shoulder to get his attention.

Louis knows damn well that everything is not okay but he still asks anyway and Harry shouldn’t be this irritated but he is. “Can we go somewhere more quiet?” Harry leaned in to whisper, for some reason he thought if he speaks any louder someone might hear him and even if anyone did it shouldn’t bother him but it did...everything around him right now was bothering him!

Harry stood up first, mumbling an excuse but no one bothered to care (which is a good thing, anyone could see the panic in Harry’s eyes), he didn't have to look back to their table to know that  Louis followed him into the bathroom.

To his luck, apart from Louis and himself, the bathroom was empty so at least they can have a moment of privacy. 

“Okay,” Louis started. “I know it’s scary but I promise it won’t be as scary when it’s done, I’m sure our relationship doesn’t mean the world to our family and even if it is...what can they do about it? It’s our relationship and we made a decision, didn’t we?”

“We did, yeah, but.” Harry felt so stupid for saying this, but he did anyway. “But...maybe Eleanor has a point, maybe we should use this time to try and reconnect? Maybe it’s possible.”

Louis would’ve laughed, or at least Harry thinks he would. But the expression on his face was far from being amused. “Okay, let’s go with that storyline, let’s assume we’re here together because we want to reconnect. Now let me ask you this...is that really what you want?” He asked, stepping a few feet closer to where Harry was leaning against the bathroom counter.

Louis didn’t need to say more because with just that one question- without Harry having to answer, he knows the countless nights of them arguing over Harry moving and where their relationship is going came back to mind in an unpleasant flashes and how much he loathed Louis then, how much he loathed Louis a few days ago before he has to tell his family about their current situation.

“You’re right, okay.” Harry finally said after a moment. “You’re right, there’s no way we’re putting ourselves in that situation again.”

Louis nods, agreeing. “Listen, I’m very proud of  what you do now, you’re chasing your dreams in a different country, away from your loved ones and I’m not going to stop you from doing it even if it means letting you go, which is why I did what I did.”

“Okay,” Was all Harry could say. “Okay, it was stupid of me to keep this away from my family to begin with. Okay, we can do this.”

They didn’t move for a minute then, wasn’t sure if they should go back out now or if Harry is calmed yet, even Harry himself isn’t sure he’s calm yet. 

“Should we go?” Louis was the one who broke the silence in the bathroom. “You good?”

“I’m good.” Harry decided, pushing his body off of the counter. “Sorry, I ruined your birthday.”

Louis laughs then, walking out of the bathroom with Harry following. “It’s fine, I get to say Harry Styles once ruined my birthday when you make it in the industry, don’t I?” 

Once they made it back to the table everyone was either on their phone or still trying to make conversations when another though mostly everyone looked very tired and ready to go home.

“There you are! It’s picture time!” Jay said, excitedly.

Harry sat on his seat and expected them to take pictures or even make a few more small talks before they said what they needed to say but Louis started- and Harry couldn’t stop him then. 

“Mum, actually, there’s something Harry and I want to tell everyone.” 

Anne gasped first, everyone turned to her. “Did you...already?” 

Right, the engagement heirloom rings, the whole reason Louis wants them to drop the stupid act once and for all. 

“Actually, it’s the...opposite of what you think.” Louis said and he didn’t even stutter and Harry doesn’t know if he could open his mouth without shaking. “Harry and I broke up a while ago so I couldn’t accept the...the rings.” 

Louis topped it all off by pulling out the small velvet boxes inside his pocket and sliding it on the table over to his mother.

By the time the boxes made it in front of Jay, Harry looked around the table to see everyone stopped talking only to stare at said velvet boxes in front of her.

“Oh,” Jay said, looking up to her son. “I had no idea you two were...I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, we should’ve told you.” Louis told her with a promising smile.

It’s kind of a relief that Louis was doing all the talking but of course, someone on the table wants an answer and it just happened to be his mum. 

“What happened? I mean, why are you two here...together, I don’t understand, you could’ve told us, you know.” 

It wasn’t Louis’ place to tell her so he stayed quiet, everyone’s eyes were on Harry now. 

“Well, we had a bit of...disagreement. I got a job offer, I wanted to move, Louis didn’t, we thought of ways to make it work but we decided it’ll only work if we part ways and everything happened so quickly, I wasn’t sure how to tell anyone about me moving without bringing up Louis and I wasn’t ready for everyone to know we...broke up.” 

Gemma furrowed her brows. “So, you moved? Like, how far away is it from London and what do you do?”

Harry gulped, glancing at Louis, he was the only one who wasn’t staring at Harry as if he’s some kind of insane person for keeping this away from his family for a while. “I signed with Columbia records and had to move to LA to work on the album and-”

“What?!” Anne cuts him off, not even Doris or Ernest try to make a move or sound at the moment, they were just staring at everyone, confused. While Harry prays they will do something to get some eyes off of him. “You moved to LA...for how long?”

“I don’t know...for a while? I mean, for the album and the promos and-”

“Why didn’t- how come I’ve never heard anything about this?” Gemma was the one who cut him off this time.

Harry exhaled, once again glancing at Louis in hopes he will help Harry out of this. 

And Louis got the memo, he always does. “You know what? I think we should celebrate what Harry has achieved by far, he signed with Columbia Records!” Louis attempted to raise his glass, the only one who followed his action was Ernest. 

Harry gave his mum, out of all people, a nervous grin. 

But she’s always been on Louis’ side, even if they broke up, so of course she listened to him and agreed. “I agree, I’m very happy for you Harry.”

“Cheers!” Michal said, this time, raising his glass. “To Harry!”

To me. It wasn’t much, but tonight was the most Louis has shown support towards his singing career and somehow it felt wonderful to have Louis on his side again, even if it’s only as his friend. 

***

“Merry Christmas!” Harry groaned, hearing Gemma’s voice and the loud banging on his door. He feels like he’s thirteen years old again, when he’s too old for Christmas and all he wanted was more sleep during the holidays. “Hello? Wake up! Why is this door even locked?” 

He can hear Gemma trying to twist the knob open but it won’t- reminds him of last year when Gemma did the same thing though last year his door was locked because he spent the night prior, giving Louis the time of his life under his sheets but this morning, he woke up and look around his room, ignoring Gemma’s loud banging and noticed how empty the room felt without Louis or knowing Louis isn’t just in the bathroom or woke up before him, but because Louis isn’t spending Christmas with him. 

“I’m up, what do you want?” Harry unlocked his door to let Gemma in, grabbing his phone to check the time. It was so early in the morning but Harry’s glad she woke him up because he should really spend some time with his family before leaving for London later since his flight was early in the morning. 

Gemma grabs his hand, trying to pull him out of his bedroom. “Come on, it’s time to open the presents!”

“Gemma, please, you’re thirty years old.” Harry rolled his eyes but followed Gemma down the stairs anyway. 

Of course, Gemma ignored his comment and went straight to the living room where Anne set up the tree and the presents under it. Harry did prepare presents for his family, even for Louis’ family that he already made sure was under their tree yesterday after dinner time.

Michal and Anne were already there, he knew his family loved Christmastime but why did they have to do this first thing in the morning like Harry’s eight years old again.

As expected, he got a present from his mum; some vinyl records from their favourite artists like Fleetwood mac and pink floyd which Harry’s so thankful for and it means a lot when Harry only got her a copy of a book he read a few months back and thought Anne would like, Gemma got him a shirt with an embroidery that she made herself, makes him feel bad for getting her a new pair of fake leather boots and that’s it. Even Michal got him something, he bought Harry a travel blender as if Harry needs that but Gemma laughed so Harry just assumed she told him to get it just for her own amusement, it was a great thing Harry prepared something for Michal which was equally ridiculous (Thanks to Gemma, who thought it was a a great idea for Harry to buy Michal work ties with Christmas themed drawings on them).

To Harry’s defense though, he couldn’t bring a lot of presents or more thoughtful ones when he was worried about his scheme with Louis and his new job instead of Christmas presents. 

“Look, Harry, you’ve got another one.” Gemma, who was sitting on the floor next to the Christmas tree, pulled another box. Harry hasn’t been peeking under the Christmas tree since he got here so he didn’t think he’d get more than three presents but  he’s just happy to know he’s getting more presents. 

“Who’s it from?” Harry asked as Gemma hands him the box, there was a card glued to the ribbon so Gemma didn’t answer him, he can read by himself. 

To: Harry

From: Louis

Harry frowned, looking at the happy birthday wrapping paper and Louis’ attempt of writing ‘Jesus’ under every ‘happy birthday’. It was an old joke they did a few years back when they thought all the Christmas wrapping papers were corny so they improvised.

“Oh, I didn’t even think about getting Louis anything.” Harry said, closing the card again.

Anne was sitting next to him, sipping a cup of tea and scooting a bit closer, obviously because she’s nosey about the gift. “Well, it’s already here and you can’t just return an unopened present.”

Harry sighed. “Yeah, maybe I’ll get him something the next time I’m in town.”

In all honesty, Harry was eager to open it and see what’s inside, maybe Louis had this gift planned before they broke up hence why he still wrapped it and put it under Anne’s tree so it could be something Harry mentioned he wanted back when they were still together. 

Under the wrapping paper, after he tore it open was a box, he peaked in but couldn't see anything from it so he opened the lid, gasping at what’s inside.

It wasn’t anything special, really, it was a little dramatic he gasped at the item. It wasn’t even an item he wanted or mentioned to Louis back when they were dating, it was something rather old and held a lot of memories. 

It was a painting- nothing big or even painted by a famous artist. It was something they bought at the flea market back when they first moved in together. Harry remembered wanting more paintings around the house and Louis bought the worst thing he could find, Harry thought Louis bought it to piss him off but Louis really did like the abstract painting of two genderless figures. 

Over the years though, Harry’s taken a liking to the painting and never wanted to throw it away, not even when they moved to a bigger flat and said painting doesn’t match their new furniture, Harry kept it in the kitchen. 

When they broke up though, the painting was the last thing in his mind hence why he didn’t ask if he could keep it. Harry never thinks twice about it until he’s holding it in his hand again. 

“Oh, it’s that stupid painting you hated.” Gemma said, looking inside the box if there was more. But that was it, alongside a paper but Harry snatched it away from her before she could even touch it.

There was writing on it, obviously, it’s a letter that Louis didn’t even put into an envelope. He wanted to read it without everyone staring at him like there’s information in the letter about a buried treasure.

“What does it say?” Anne asked after Harry skimmed through it. 

It was stupid to think there was any deep heart crunching message in the letter, and Harry can tell it’s what Gemma, Anne and even Michal think...but it just says: 

“Merry Christmas Harold.” Harry said out loud. 

Nothing more, nothing less. Just a simple Christmas card. 

“Aw, that’s very nice of him.” Anne said, sipping her tea once more.

Harry put the card down next to the framed painting, he could stay here and get over Louis once he left town but he didn’t want his last moments with Louis to be last night when they part ways and Louis chose to sleep in Jay’s couch instead of Harry’s room, which was the right reason, but Harry can’t go back upstairs and pack without saying anything else to Louis.

“Excuse me for a second?” Harry said to his family, leaving them in the living room. Anne did remind him that he should come back before breakfast but that was the last thing in Harry’s mind when he left Anne’s house with a thick coat only to go right next door. 

As usual, Harry knocks, he’s sure everyone was gathered together unwrapping presents and that’s why it takes a while for someone to answer.

But luck was on his side when the person he’s looking for was the one that answered the door. 

“Hi,” Harry smiled- or at least tried to smile but really what was the point in forcing a smile when Louis, out of all people, knows which smiles he’s faking.

“Hello, good morning.” Louis greeted. “Do you need anything?”

This felt like their early twenties- when they came home to each other’s home for Christmas morning but then Harry knocked on his door the moment all of his presents were unwrapped but back then it was because he couldn’t stay away from Louis for too long.

This time, he’s here because he knows after this he’ll be miles away from Louis.

“Uh,” Harry’s not even sure what to say, scratching the back of his head he looks around and spot his stupid rented car. “Do you want to go on a drive?” 

Louis raised an eyebrow. “Right now?”

“Yes, right now.” Harry said. “I’m leaving in a few hours so yes right now.” 

Louis looked back inside his house, probably trying to decide if he should stay or actually go for a little drive with Harry. The choice was obvious and even Harry knows he’s going to grab his coat and follow him.

“Fine.” Louis decided, grabbing his coat from the hanger as Harry predicted. “Are we going to get muffin?”

“Nah, I don’t think they’re open.” Harry felt good knowing his car keys are inside his coat’s pocket and that he doesn’t have to run back to the house and make Louis wait. 

They’re inside the car again and all the energy of how pissed Harry was when Louis first joined him in this car a few days ago left out the open car window. 

“Is everything fine?” Louis asked once they drive away from their houses, seems like that’s the only question Louis can ask him. 

Harry keeps his eyes on the empty road, just in case a cat decided to walk across the road in front of him. “I got your present.”

“Oh the painting?” Louis’ tone sounds like he’s amused. “It’s no present, it’s something that used to be yours, I just had to give it to you in a way you can’t give it back.”

“Well, why did you give it to me?” Harry asked, glancing at him.

“I thought you’d like to have it in LA.” Louis told him. “The painting makes you feel at home, doesn’t it?” 

That was true even though Harry never said it out loud, but it will also remind him of Louis which means. “Do you really want me to hang up something I got from my ex?” 

“When you put it that way…” Louis chuckled. “But I didn’t mean it that way, I just thought because you liked it-”

“I hated it.”

“But then you liked it.” Louis pointed out. “Anyway, if you feel that way about the painting, let’s just say it’s something you got from your friend?”

“We’re not friends.” Harry simply stated.

“A childhood friend?” Louis suggested.

Harry doesn’t mind that and the truth is, he really wants to hang that painting up. “Alright then. And thank you.” then he remembered. “I didn’t get anything for you though.”

“You didn’t have to.” Louis told him then Harry took another glance, Louis was looking out the window. “Is this the whole reason you asked me to ride around?”

Oh, yes. The closure Harry so deeply wants suddenly. 

“I never got the chance to thank you, for talking to our family last night and handled the situation.” He started with. “Sorry I even suggested we gave us another try.”

“There’s no reason to be sorry, you were panicking.” Louis shrugged. “Also I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think of the same thing.”

Harry snorted because he thought Louis was kidding but no, not when he turned to see Louis with a serious look plastered on his face. “Oh, did you…?”

“Well, yeah, when you called a few days ago and asked me to come home with you.” Louis admitted. “Why do you think Eleanor and I aren’t official yet? It’s obviously because I kept thinking you’d come back to me.”

Harry pulled over, stopped right in front of an abandoned building where the Methodist used to be, Harry’s not sure where they moved to but probably to a better building. 

“And what? You just changed your mind within two days with me?”

“I guess, yeah.” Louis shrugged. “I mean seeing you made me realize we just...don’t go together anymore.”

There’s no arguing there, Harry definitely feels the same way right now. Even when he’s highly jealous of Louis seeing someone else and tried to kiss Louis yesterday, he knew they just won’t work like they used to. Not when things have changed. 

“Do you think we can still be friends?” Harry asked, out of the blue.

Louis chuckled. “Of course we can, we were friends before we dated, weren’t we? Also, don’t want to come home next Christmas only to feel awkward when I see you.”

Oh yes, there’s that. Upcoming Christmas holidays where they will most likely bump into one another since their parents live next door to each other.

And who knows what next year will bring? Maybe they’ll go home with a new special someone that Harry’s probably eager to introduce to Louis- to his friend , Louis. 

“You know what, I’m glad we talked.” Was all that Harry said before he started driving again. Their town wasn’t big and mostly everyone was indoor with their loved ones which means they only had another ten minutes in the car, with the radio on, singing to songs they knew before they made it back to their houses. 

Louis left the car first but he waited till Harry climbed out of the car to ask. “So, you’re going to London today?”

Harry nods with a pout, it’s actually pretty devastating to have a very short Christmas holiday, he barely spent time with his family and he barely slept in his childhood bed and now he has to go back again.

Though all his worries vanished for a good minute when Louis pulled him in for a tight hug, like ones he used to give Harry when they were together and who was Harry to refuse a hug he so badly needed?

“I guess I’ll see you when I see you?” Louis laughed, still keeping Harry close. “Though I hope the next time I see you it’s on my telly screen?” 

Harry laughed too. “I hope so,” 

“Take good care of yourself.” Louis said when he pulled away, the smile on his face was genuine, Harry knows it is. “I know you’ll make it, you have what it takes and you worked so hard for this.”

“You too.” Was all Harry could say but then. “And say hi to Eleanor from me.”

“Will do.” Louis was grinning now. 

It felt good. To be in this situation with Louis. To not be pissed and irked at whatever Louis does or says, to get over all their drama that at this point makes no sense to Harry why they even argued when they could have a friendly talk and come to an agreement, though it was hard back then when they still had feelings for each other.

Now though, Harry feels like he just closed a huge chapter in his past life and is finally able to move on to the next stages of his life and he gets to go through them knowing Louis is just as happy as he is.

***

Harry’s flight back to LA was hell, as predicted when he gets zero sleep now that his mum knows about LA and won’t stop facetiming him until boarding time and Harry’s not usually one to be able to sleep on planes so that was shitty as well.

Though he made it finally to his one bedroom apartment where it’s warm and he doesn’t need three thick coats and two blankets to sleep. 

Ready to topple over his bed and sleep for the whole day before he had to go back to the studio, he spared a few minutes to install a nail on his kitchen's wall, nothing too big just one that could hold the weight of Louis' Christmas present for him and there it is; from Louis' wall to his and just like Louis said, this place felt more of a home just from one piece of painting Harry used to hate.

At this point, he had no more regrets losing what he once had with Louis. not when he knows Louis is happy and fine, not only that, but he's also happy and fine with the closure they had.  

This was better and this was what he always wanted and he’s only thinking of ways of getting more, of working his way to the top so that by the time next Christmas comes, he gets to look back and see how far he has made it.

And that all the times away from his loved ones was worth it, that breaking up and leaving the love of his life behind was what he needed to be the successful singer he always dreamed to be. 

That one day, all of the things he went through the past few days at his mum’s house, soon will become nothing but a distant memory.