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Peter grew up with the idea that he was a magnet for death. The Grim Reaper seemed to be a constant presence in his life, waiting to strike unexpectedly. But it rarely came to hunt him; no, it always went after the people he loved. No matter what Peter did to protect them, they always slipped away from him, never to return.
I was a kid who grew up too fast
Peter was four years old when Death first came. He didn’t understand why it was following him around as he and his parents made their way to Uncle Ben and Aunt May’s house. His mum and dad dropped him off at his Aunt and Uncle’s, telling him to behave and that they loved him before leaving.
Peter was relieved when the shadowy figure of Death left with his parents. It was like a scary monster, but he wasn’t worried, because his dad always got rid of the monsters, whether they were under Peter’s bed or in his closet.
He spent three days with his Aunt and Uncle, then they on that fateful night, they received the devastating news on the phone. Aunt May broke down in tears, hugging Peter close and apologizing endlessly. He didn’t understand what was going on, but Uncle Ben told him that his parents were gone and they weren’t coming back.
Death was looming around the corner in the room, observing Peter silently.
Peter’s trepidation of Death grew that day.
Let My Brokness Be Felt
Death visited Peter ten years later. Peter didn’t really remember the night of his parents’ death, it was all just a blur of tears and apologies and promises. He had lived with his aunt and uncle ever since his parents died. They were content; just the three of them. Uncle Ben taught him what could possibly be the most important lesson in his life. “With great power, comes great responsibility,” he had said.
Then came the field trip to Oscorp. Peter was over the moon with giddiness. After Stark Industries, Oscorp was the most advanced tech company in America, and it was where his parents had worked. Oscorp specialized with genetics, biotech, and bio-engineering, all of which were fields that Peter enjoyed learning about.
They were at one of the labs when Peter saw the room. It was at the end of a long hallway; more secluded. Being the curious kid that he was, Peter looked at his group, making sure that no one was looking before walking to the room. Someone forgot to lock the door, so he checked around him before stepping in.
It was full of all kinds of spiders. Peter was fascinated. He read about spiders a little bit, but there were species that he had never seen before. Though in all fairness, Oscorp was also known for its egregious cross-genetics experimentations on animals, so it wasn’t so far-fetched that these spiders were subjects to such experimentations.
Peter’s fascination trance was interrupted by a stinging pain on the back of his hand. He looked at it, only to see a spider biting him. He shook his hand, getting rid of it.
The next day, Peter would wake up with spider-like abilities.
A week after the field trip, Peter and Uncle Ben would get into an argument, causing the teen to storm off into the streets and for Ben to follow after him.
Neither of them would have expected what was about to go down that evening.
Peter was in a convenience store when he heard the gunshot. He turned his head to look out into the street so quick he heard his neck crack. There, on the opposite street was his Uncle.
Peter bolted out the store and towards him, sliding down on his knees next to him. The crimson-red liquid was gushing out of Ben’s wound, soaking his white shirt. Peter’s breath hitched as tears welled in his eyes. This can’t be happening, he tried to tell himself, but the warm liquid that now stained his jeans and hands was begging to differ.
“Peter,” Ben grunted. He clutched Peter’s hand, “Remember, with great powers, comes great responsibility.” His arm went lax and his eyes shut.
Peter let out a gut-wrenching cry, letting tears roll down freely.
Realization crashed on him that Peter had superpowers. He had the power to save his uncle; his only father-figure. But, he didn’t, and his uncle was gone forever because of him. It was all his fault.
With great power, comes great responsibility.
That was how Spider-Man was born.
When Did My Life Become a Series of Countdowns?
Six months have passed since his Uncle died. Peter and Aunt May were… doing better, all things considered. Spider-Man has also been active for six months, helping people around Queens.
It was a normal day, really. But he had come back from school only to find Tony Stark sitting on a couch in Peter’s living room, conversing with Aunt May. Peter stopped in his tracks, dumbfounded.
“Oh, Mr Parker,” Tony greeted him with a smile.
Peter laughed nervously, “What are…? Hey, I’m-I’m, um, Peter,”
“Tony,”
That brief, awkward conversation would later lead to a closer relationship between Tony and Peter.
At first, Tony took the role of a distant mentor for Peter. Peter was perfectly fine with that. At some point in his life, Peter was scared of letting people so close. He built walls and barriers around himself, not letting anyone come through them in fear that he would be the cause of them meeting their maker. And Tony was not different. Even though he needed a father-figure in his life, Peter refused to let him in. He was a good man, and he didn’t deserve the fate that would come with having any sort of relationship with Peter.
Despite all that, the two of them grew closer over the span of two years, to the point where Tony ultimately became the father-figure that Peter needed in his life. So what happened in 2018 was something he had seen coming.
Peter was not ready. He was sixteen for God’s sake; he wasn’t supposed to be fighting in a war. Yet, here he was, on planet Titan, fighting in a war against Thanos.
At some point, Tony was the only one left standing against Thanos. Peter was feet away; Thanos had knocked him down during the fight. He regained his consciousness just in time to see the Mad Titan plunging the blade into Tony’s side.
A doleful, sorrowful scream ripped through Peter’s throat. He can’t go through losing another parental figure. Not again. He tried to stand on his feet, but his legs were so weak that he immediately crashed into the ground again.
He looked up; Death was standing a few feet away from Tony. It turned and looked at Peter before vanishing into thin air.
Doctor Strange’s voice rang into the otherwise silent battlefield.
“Spare his life, and I will give you the stone,” he said, his hand shaking as he held the time stone.
After Thanos left with the time stone, Peter immediately got to his feet and ran towards his mentor. Tony had sealed his wound with the help of his suit. He looked up as he heard Peter’s frantic footsteps approaching.
“Are you alright?” Tony asked him, wiping the blood that was trailing down his chin from his lip.
Peter fell into his knees next to where Tony was sitting, throwing his arms around him. Tony sighed, hugging him back as Peter sobbed.
“You can’t do that again. Please,” Peter said through his tears.
“I’m sorry,”
Later, after sitting around for an hour at least, things took a turn for the worse. Mantis was the first one to go. Then Drax, Star-Lord, and Doctor Strange.
Then Peter.
Despite crying that he didn’t want to die, Peter accepted it. As long as it meant that his loved ones were safe, his death was a worthy sacrifice.
I Will Carry Your Memory With Me
Peter got resurrected five years later. He arrived at the battlefield through the portal that Doctor Strange had opened from Titan.
Fighting his way through the hoards of Thanos’ henchmen, Peter found Tony fighting one of the big aliens. He webbed the alien before knocking him down and helping Tony stand up.
Tony stared at him as he rambled before pulling him into a tight hug. Peter let a spark of hope ignite in him that they will both make it out alive to see another day; that Peter would have his father-figure back in his life.
But, when did Peter get what he wanted?
He saw him do it from across the crowded battlefield. He saw Tony take the stone and snap Thanos and his goons out of existence. He couldn’t feel the joy that the other heroes were feeling at having won the greatest battle so far. He couldn’t because he was losing another father.
Peter landed at Tony’s feet, apologizing and crying. It was all his fault. Why didn’t he learn from his mistakes? Why did he always make the same mistake of letting people too close to him? It was all his fault.
He prayed to any deity out there to have mercy on him; to let him live a happy life. To let him have a family. But no such mercy existed in the universe.
Tony’s arc reactor shut off, and he took his last breath. Peter not being able to stop the tears from falling.
A few days later, he had to attend yet another funeral.
Failure’s All I have Know
Peter couldn’t bear to watch yet another loved one die. He was physically exhausted from all the pain.
It had been eight months since The Final Battle. Since he had to watch Tony die.
Despite the smile that was always plastered on his face, and all the ‘I’m fine, I’m just tired’, Peter was not fairing well. He tried to be optimistic; tried to look at the bright side, but he just couldn’t. He has lost so much in his short life.
He met Mysterio during his field trip around Europe. At first, Beck was a good man. He fought alongside Peter against the Fire Elemental. But his true colours started to show quickly.
Peter tried not to get fooled by Beck’s illusions. But seeing him hold MJ, a person he so foolishly let in through his barriers, and throw over the cliff sent Peter into a panicked state. Please, not her. Not again. He jumped after her, hearing her screams echo around.
Peter has never felt so much joy as the moment he hit the ground and realized that her death was fake.
You Taught Me How Stars Shine Endlessly, Even After Death
Crashing to the ground, Peter didn’t see any sign of MJ. He was relieved as it was another one of Beck’s illusions. But apparently, Mysterio wanted to poke at all of Peter’s sore spots.
A gravestone suddenly hit the ground in front of him, the name ‘Anthony Edward Stark’ etched on it. Peter’s heart skipped a beat at the name. Tony’s death was still a fresh wound. Sometimes, it would suddenly crash on Peter the realization that Tony was never coming back, and staring at that fake gravestone, it turned into one of those moments.
Beck’s words caused more tears to burn Peter’s eyes. His voice sickeningly sympathetic as he spoke, “If you were good enough, maybe Tony would still be alive.”
Peter didn’t need anyone to remind him of his failure. His failure to protect his family. His failure to achieve the responsibility that came with the powers he had. How could he even call himself a hero and a protector of people, when he couldn’t even protect his own family?
A failure is what he was. Not a superhero.
Eventually, I Will Remember You, and Only Think of the Happy Memories We Shared
Peter was back home after his disastrous trip to Europe. He sat on his bed at night, not being able to sleep after a nightmare he had. He pulled the comforter tighter around him. He was exhausted; emotionally and physically.
He took his phone from the nightstand, opening the photos he saved on it through the years. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked at the memories he shared with his parents, Ben, and Tony. Tears made their way into his pillow, but for the first time, they were happy tears.
Maybe, he could learn to cope with his losses. Maybe he will be okay, eventually.