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Kuroo is busy.
It’s understandable, of course, he’s in his first year of university. But Kenma isn’t used to being this far away from him.
They’ve been inseparable since they were in elementary school. They saw each other every day at school and usually afterwards too, whether it was walking home or at volleyball practice or both. Kuroo did homework at Kenma’s more often than not as well. Even at times they didn’t hang after school, they texted, Kuroo’s excessive use of emojis making Kenma bite back his stupidly fond smile.
But Kuroo’s stupid emojis aren’t enough anymore. Kenma begins to reply less, seeing a notification and ignoring it because what’s texting going to do? He aches physically and words on a screen won’t fix that. Kuroo’s messages become less frequent as the first semester begins to pick up, work piling on for the both of them. Now as summer break approaches, Kenma is desperately trying to get by.
He never thought he’d be the sappy romantic type, but the world seems so much duller without Kuroo around. The mundane activities and day to day events are practically unbearable. He walks to and from school alone, eats lunch alone, walks to classes alone. Practices are tolerable at best.
He’s become completely dependent on Kuroo, he realizes, but he’s also taken Kuroo for granted. His presence, his support, his chatter, his calming words, they’re all gone.
Kenma is alone.
It gets a little harder to get out of bed every morning knowing that Kuroo won’t be walking to school with him. He’s used to being in classes alone, but when he gets home he sits on his bed and plays on his PSP, missing Kuroo’s weight next to him and his nagging to stop procrastinating his homework.
Time seems to slow. Days and nights drag by, and he’s surviving only off of the infrequent texts and video calls from Kuroo. He seems to be enjoying himself at university at least, Kenma notes. He raves about how awesome his classes are now that he’s taking things he’s actually interested in. He loves his professors, and he’s even found people in his major that he really gets along with. Kenma is happy about that obviously, but at the same time, he’s afraid. His mind spirals at night, conjuring up images of Kuroo off at college having the time of his life. He can’t help but feel like he’s being left behind.
___
“Hey, Kitten?”
Kenma hums inquiringly, his eyes not leaving the Switch in his hands. Since both of them are a bit pressed for time and they can’t just sit and talk for hours (as much as they’d like to), they resolve to both work on their homework while video chatting together. Kenma, who’s already finished, is sitting with his back to the headboard of his bed and his Nintendo Switch in his hands, his phone propped up against the lamp on the nightstand beside him.
“I miss you.”
Kenma’s fingers stop moving.
He pays no attention to the music of his game continuing without him, looking up to see Kuroo sitting at his desk, textbooks and notebooks scattering the surface. His head is propped up on his fist, a look of what Kenma can only describe as longing on his face. He can feel embarrassment and emotion clogging up his throat as he looks down, mumbling.
“I miss you too, Kuro.”
The boy on the other side of the screen doesn’t even take the chance to tease Kenma for his rare show of emotions. He just huffs out a half-hearted laugh, a bittersweet smile on his face.
“I’ll be back for break, though,” he assures the blonde. He sounds like he’s trying to cheer himself up too. Kenma nods, trying not to show how much he’s feeling right now. He’d adjusted to life without Kuroo as much as he could, getting used to the constant empty feeling of something missing, but with those three words it all came rushing back.
Kuroo is the only thing he needs. You could take away his friends, his hobbies, hell, you could take away his games , but as long as he has Kuroo, he has no doubt he’d be okay. It’s not to say he doesn’t love and appreciate having those things, but he could live without them if he really needed to. Kuroo, he’s not so sure.
The way he misses his boyfriend is physically painful, a noose that tightens around his neck with every step further he takes. He aches to hold him, to be held, even just to be in his physical company.
And yet he can’t have that. Not for another five weeks. Five weeks of classes and volleyball and homework and five more weeks without Kuroo. The ‘game over’ screen on his Switch blurs and he bites his lip, feeling weak.
“Kenma?” he hears from his phone, but he turns away, trying to wipe away his tears as discreetly as possible. He feels weak for needing Kuroo this much, evidently more than Kuroo needs him. He hears his name called again, but the tears won't stop coming and his mind is sprinting and Kuroo is leaving him behind and it’s too much, too much, toomuchtoomuch. He squeezes his eyes shut and gasps quietly for breath, biting down on the cuff of his hoodie sleeve in an attempt to muffle himself. Kuroo is calling his name frantically and he finally looks back to his phone, cringing at how distressed Kuroo looks.
He can’t do this right now.
“I have to go Kuroo,” he croaks, not even giving him enough time to get a sentence out before he hangs up. He stares at the ended call screen for a second before biting back a whimper, the tears making a quick comeback.
He distantly hears his phone vibrating on his nightstand as he cries himself to sleep, his arms wrapped around himself.
__
When he wakes up, the sun has gone down and his parents are downstairs. He can hear their murmurs from where he lies, and he slowly tunes back into his surroundings, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Sitting up, he slides off his bed to freshen up in the bathroom, coming back to find his phone is dead. He’s silently thankful, knowing he’s going to be bombarded with notifications as soon as he charges it.
Then, grabbing his Switch, he crawls back onto his bed and plays until it’s time for dinner. He eats quietly, listening to his parents converse as he wonders what the fuck he’s supposed to do now. Escaping from his chores as soon as possible, he pads quietly back into his room and picks up his now-charged phone.
He cringes at the load of notifications that pop up. He knows he fucked up, he shouldn’t have hung up so abruptly. But he doesn't necessarily regret it. He wasn’t ready to articulate how he was feeling, he still isn’t. But he’s sure Kuroo is worried, so he needs to figure out what he’s going to do.
A text is a good place to start , he tells himself. He steels himself before opening up his chat with Kuroo. He scrolls through the messages, staring with the ones left right after he hung up.
Kuro ♡: If I said something wrong I’m sorry please answer
Kuro ♡: Kenma please talk to me
Kuro ♡: I just want to understand, please talk to me
-6:39 pm-
Kuro ♡: Kenma I know you don’t want to talk right now but tell me you’re ok please
The last one was left only about an hour ago. He stares at the messages, unsure of what to say, so he starts off simple.
Kyanma: I’m sorry, I’m ok. I needed to collect myself.
The response is startlingly immediate, causing guilt to stir in his gut.
Kuro ♡: That's ok, are you ready to talk now? I just want to know what’s wrong.
He hesitates, wondering what to even say. ‘Yeah, I just miss you so much it physically aches and I need you to come back so I can kiss you again’? He frowns. Is it selfish of him to think this way? To want to keep Kuroo all to himself? Would he take it so far as keeping Kuroo from chasing his dreams off at university just so he isn’t lonely? Does it make him a bad person to wish he was here instead of there? His phone vibrates with another text.
Kuro ♡: It’s fine if you’re not, but I know you’re overthinking over there. You can tell me what’s wrong whenever you're ready and we can work things out together.
Damn his stupid and amazing boyfriend for being so kind and considerate. He huffs, swallowing his pride and finally responding.
Kyanma: I’m sorry for worrying you. It sounds stupid when I say it but I really miss you, kuro. I walk to school alone and I eat alone and I’m always alone and it’s too quiet without you here and I just miss you. I feel selfish but I want you here with me. And I don’t want you to feel guilty or anything like that but I wish you hadn’t left me.
He hits send as soon as he’s finished unloading his heart so he doesn’t rethink it, but immediately regrets it when nothing comes through in response. His eyes had welled up at some point and they overflow now, tracing their way down his face the way Kuroo’s fingers used to do.
He jumps when his phone begins to vibrate in his hands, a video call from Kuroo coming through. He accepts without a second thought, wishing he could backtrack when he remembers he’s crying. It doesn’t matter when Kuroo appears on his screen though, because to his surprise, his boyfriend is crying too.
“Kenma.” Kuroo breaths after a second of silence. The blonde can’t make eye contact. He chews on his lower lip to keep the emotions clogging up his throat from overflowing. A hand comes up to scrub at his eyes furiously.
“Kenma, you have no idea how much I miss you. Classes are interesting and the people here are great, but they’re not you . I get in bed at night and sometimes I just feel empty. Like there’s a hole in my heart. And I know you’re cringing at how cheesy that was but it’s true and I need you to know that I miss you too.”
Kenma lets out a heavy breath. That wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. He frowns slightly. Looking back, he feels like he was being way too dramatic about it all.
“Sorry I made it so complicated,” he murmurs sheepishly. “I thought, well, I thought maybe… you were having so much fun over there and you didn’t feel my absence the way I feel yours.” Kuroo shakes his head.
“How could I not? You’re such a huge part of my life, and-” he groans in disappointment when Kenma covers his face with a hand in embarrassment. “Aw, but you’re so cute when you blush! And I hadn’t even gotten to the cheesiest part!”
Kenma huffs. As embarrassing as Kuroo is, he can’t deny that hearing this is making him feel a lot better.
“There’s a gaping hole in my soul where your heart used to lay-”
“Okay that’s way too much, Kuro,” Kenma cuts him off, but he’s smiling. Their laughter fades and there’s a moment of silence before Kuroo speaks up again.
“You know I mean it, right?”
Kenma nods, a fond look on his face.
They talk for awhile longer about trivial things, but it’s nice. Kenma feels like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. When both of them are holding back yawns, they bid each other goodnight. Kenma drifts off into a dreamless sleep.
__
Kenma feels a bit lighter at school the next day, having woken up with a sweet good morning text from Kuroo. It doesn’t outweigh his exhaustion though, and he’s glad the weekend is approaching. Both school and practice are uneventful, although Lev does hit Yaku in the head with a ball which leaves the rest of the team in stitches as Lev runs for his life. Before he knows it, he’s stepping through the door to his house and flopping onto his bed for a nice, long nap.
He’s rudely awoken by his mom calling him from downstairs.
“Kenma! There’s something here for you!”
He grumbles sleepily and stumbles out of bed hazily, rubbing his eyes as he makes his way down the stairs and to where his mom is. She points to the front door.
“It’s outside,” she directs.
He’s too tired to realize how odd that is, so he simply pads to the front door, opening it to find-
“Kuro?”
His boyfriend is standing there with a stupid smile on his face, a bouqet of flowers in one of his hands.
“ Kuro .” He breaths, only a second of hesitation before he sprints forward, crashing into the taller boy, his arms thrown around his neck. He buries his face into Kuroo’s neck, inhaling deeply and feeling strong arms wrap around him to pull him closer. One hand slides up his back, cradling his head, and he feels Kuroo’s lips against his neck murmuring sweet words into his skin. He’s rocking them back and forth slowly.
There are already tears streaming down his face and he can feel Kuroo’s dripping onto his neck but he doesn’t care one bit, not when he’s finally back in Kuroo’s arms. Kenma pulls back quickly but doesn't go far, one of his hands latching onto the back of Kuroo’s head and yanking him into a kiss.
They both sigh into it, pulling back only when they need to breathe, leaving their foreheads touching.
“I missed you so much,” Kenma whispers. He looks up at Kuroo who’s smiling.
“I’m here now.”
__
White walls surrounding him, the smell of antiseptic, strapped to a bed, people standing over him, ringing in his ears, white light blinding him-
His eyes fly open, his mouth open, gasping, and his lungs aching for air. He’s in bed covered in a cool sheen of sweat. Slowing his breaths, he glances around. Something is wrong, he can feel it. His room looks off, but he can’t pinpoint why.
The door opens and Kenma sags in relief when Kuroo walks in. He frowns when he sees Kenma, looking disgruntled.
“You okay, Kitten?” he asks, walking over to the bed. Kenma nods.
“Yeah, I think I just had a bad dream.”
Kuroo climbs onto the bed, pulling Kenma into his side.They lean against the headboard, Kenma’s head on his shoulder and their hands interlocked. It’s the most relaxed and at ease Kenma has felt in months.
Kuroo sighs heavily.
“I can’t say long, Kenma.” Squeezing their interlocked hands, the blonde frowns slightly.
“I know, but you’ll stay the weekend, right?”
Kuroo is silent, and Kenma sits up from where he was leaning against his boyfriend to face him fully, his brow furrowed.
“You’re leaving sooner than that?”
Kuroo smiles sadly, the hand that isn’t laced with Kenma’s coming up to cup his face. Kenma leans into it.
“I don’t think you understand, Kitten.”
His confusion only grows with these words. Why is Kuroo being so damn cryptic?
“Kuroo, what are you talking about?”
Another sigh.
“Kenma, you need to start facing reality. You can’t keep leaning on me like this. It isn’t healthy.”
He balks at these harsh words, eyes beginning to gloss over and his thoat threatening to close up.
“Wh- what are you talking about? You said- you said we would work things out together!”
The ebony haired boy looks truly saddened by this.
“You know I love you, right?” he murmurs softly, looking earnestly into Kenma’s eyes. He swallows at this, head spinning at the sudden confession.
“Wh- yes but-” Why are you telling me this now? You sound like you’re leaving me please don’t leave me-
Kuroo smiles again.
“Good. Remember that, ok? I won’t be here to remind you.”
“Kuroo, stop!” His voice cracks. He’s crying now. “I don't understand, why are you-”
Kuroo’s thumb brushes over his cheek, wiping away some of the tears. The hand holding his squeezes one last time before he lets go. His skin takes on a transparent glint, the very image of him beginning to fade away. Kenma’s eyes widen, his breathing quickening. He reaches out desperately, but his hand never makes contact. The warmth on his cheek fades.
“Kuro-” he chokes out, but there’s no one there.
One blink and he’s alone.
He stares at the empty space in front of him, hysteria taking over his confusion.
“Kuroo!” he screams, his hands clutching at the sheets where his boyfriend sat only a minute ago. “You can’t leave me! I need you, PLEASE!” He’s sobbing loudly, gasping for air as he pleads for Kuroo to come back.
“Tetsurou,” he chokes out. “I can’t live without you.”
He whirls around when he hears the door behind him open, a stranger in a white coat entering the room.
“Who are you?!” he screams. “Where’s Kuroo, what did you do to him?!” He’s having trouble breathing, and his vision is blurring quickly, but several more people enter the room. They restrain his arms and legs, struggling to hold him down as he kicks and screams. There’s a sharp pain in his arm, and everything around him fades away.
__
“Where Kuroo?! What did you do to him?” He yells. His throat burns, both from the strain of his volume and the choking feeling his emotions are giving him.
“Kenma, please,” his mother pleads. Her eyes are glassy. “You need to realize. He’s not real.”
“Mom, I don’t understand! You know Kuroo! He’s our neighbor, we grew up together! We-” his voice breaks. “We had movie nights! You taught us to bake pie together! He’s my best friend!”
He sees in her eyes the moment his mother’s heart breaks.
“ Kenma ,” she breaths. “The doctors, they explained to us, this was your way of coping with- with being lonely. Your father and I, we thought it was normal for kids to have imaginary friends, and your last year of middle school you seemed to have grown out of it mostly, but then again in highschool, and you- you were so happy we didn’t know what to do-”
“No,” he murmurs, breaking eye contact. He stares at his hands. The puzzle he’s so meticulously built, bending and breaking the pieces to force them together, force them to conform to his reality, came apart.
“We tried sneaking meds into your food, slowly increasing the dose, and it worked, but you- you were so miserable! And we decided that the only way was to get you to accept reality.”
He shakes his head slowly, eyes wide with fear, confusion, anger, sadness, pain.
And the puzzle rearranges itself, pieces mending and sliding perfectly into place, but the picture is distressing, one Kenma had never wanted to see again.
One where he is completely alone.