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Fjord wished he could say he’d had a plan when he ran in to grab Caduceus.
There were so many things that should’ve, by all logic, gone wrong. The mage standing across from him should’ve hit him with the bolt of greenish light that went arching just to the left of him, he should’ve slipped in the mud and fallen, left helpless to the man drawing his sword above him, Caduceus should’ve slipped and fallen from his hands. And Fjord wished that he’d planned for all those things when he’d ran in like an idiot.
But the truth was, Fjord was pretty sure he was only still alive through the Wildmother's grace.
So, as he grabbed Caduceus and cast "Thunderstep", he hoped that they'd be taken literally anywhere else.
The two of them crashed heavy through the canopy of trees, seemingly managing to snag on every branch as they crashed down. Fjord held his arms tight around Caduceus, trying to protect him from getting hit any further.
The two of them laid on the forest floor for a few minutes, Fjord taking comfort in the fact that he could still hear Caduceus’ breathing.
“Fjord,” he heard Caduceus mumble.
“I’m sorry,” he said, sitting up. “I just… I needed to get you out.” He took Caduceus’ hand (mindful of his sore shoulder) and dumped as much of his usual energy reserve into healing Caduceus as he could.
Caduceus smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Fjord… I’m worried I might be more of a liability to you,” he said, withdrawing his hand from where he was protectively clutching his own shoulder.
Fjord looked at Caduceus, but the more he tried to convince himself that it wasn’t as bad as it looked, the worse it became. The moss around Caduceus’ arm has shrivelled away. Caduceus' skin was peeling back, and where the skin was splitting open the flesh had hardened and crystallized.
“And the healing didn’t…” Fjord tried.
Caduceus shook his head. “I think this is some sort of curse,” he said. “I’m not bleeding anymore, Fjord. Thank you.”
Fjord wished he could read that as sincere. “And nothing I can…?” he tried.
Caduceus squeezed his hand lightly. “Maybe pray to the Wildmother?”
"How badly does that hurt?" he asked.
Caduceus poked around the infected area for a moment. "Not too badly," he said. "I've been hurt worse."
Fjord didn't exactly trust that Caduceus wasn't trying to keep him from worrying, given that that "worse hurt" had included being eaten alive, stabbed, shot, and literally dying. But then again, it wasn't like he could necessarily counter that; it wasn't like he could feel Caduceus' pain. As much as somewhere, something in his own chest was aching.
It took a few moments before Fjord remembered. “Caduceus, you’ve removed curses before, right?”
Caduceus sighed softly. “Not like this, I’m afraid. Maybe when I get some sleep.”
"Well," Fjord asked, "would you like to start walking or get some rest?"
Caduceus cautiously got to his feet, began to reach his arm up above his head, then winced and thought better of it. "I think we should probably get moving," he said. "We can try again somewhere else. So... which way?"
Fjord held Caduceus' gaze for a moment before he realized he had no idea. "I don't know. I don't know which way I took you," he admitted. Mother, was there any way he hadn't managed to fuck up? He'd felt the teleportation... twist, in a way he couldn't exactly describe, when he was casting it. He hadn't ever been able to go further than 90 feet with that spell, but something about that had been different.
If he was right (and he was pretty sure he was, at least in this instance), then somehow he'd gotten the strength to get both of them further than he usually had. The downside was that the further they were from the fight, the further they were from the party.
He'd seen Beau pulling Caleb off to the side, at least before he and Caduceus had managed to poof off to who even knew where. The party would be alright- they'd largely seemed to be retreating.
“Fjord?” Caduceus asked. “Did you say something?”
Fjord shook his head. “Just… thinking about the others,” he mumbled. “I… don’t know which way we went.”
They started walking, which wasn’t as easy as it sounded: the various brush and foliage were making travel slower than it would’ve been with the party, not to mention the copious amounts of snow.
Fjord tried to find something that might be edible (he didn’t want to waste one of Caduceus precious few remain spell slots on making decent tofu) but as he walked, all he’d managed to locate were the exact kind of rough, stubborn mushroom that you’d expect to grow in the frigid north. He could almost tell they were chewy just by looking at them.
Even so, they were something to eat, and sustenance was precious in these woods, especially since it didn’t seem like they’d be finding the party anytime soon. And especially when one of the two of them was unable to eat meat.
He didn’t know which ones could or couldn’t be poisonous, so he just grabbed all of them and shoved them in any available pockets as they walked.
When they stopped wandering in increasingly larger circles (in all honesty Fjord had been hoping someone would Message them), Caduceus laid down looking more tired than he had in weeks. Fjord really hoped these mushrooms weren’t poisonous.
He held them up and asked Caduceus, one by one, until he was about halfway through the pile and Caduceus looked like he was about a second from nodding off. All of Caduceus’ answers were variations on “I don’t know what that is,” “I think that’s the same as the other one”, and “I don’t know, it looks pretty okay”.
Fjord filtered through them himself, smelling them and discarding any he considered too big a risk. Fjord borrowed Caduceus’ herb pack, taking a small amount of salt and a few of the dried herbs, and packed snow into one of Caduceus’ smaller pots. He was going to use the big one, but after realizing how few mushrooms he’d decided to take his chances with, he judged the amount of mushrooms he had in contrast to the pot and decided he didn’t really want to thin it out any more than necessary. He piled the driest logs he could find and pulled out his old flint and steel to light it.
“Why are you doing that?” Caduceus asked.
“I wanted to get the fire going before we freeze to death,” Fjord said, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. He knew it was his own fault they were stuck here, but he could very much do without Caduceus seeming to be angling to get on his very last nerve.
“No. You could’ve asked me to help,” Caduceus pointed out. “I would like to help you. I’m cursed, Fjord, not dying.”
All of Fjord’s annoyance melted like the snow Fjord was tracking around under his boots. How the hell, after everything that just happened, was Caduceus still worried about him?“I just wanted to help you feel better,” he admitted, then returned to the task of trying to throw off sparks until one caught the pile of brush.
“We do better together,” Caduceus continued, resting a hand on Fjord’s shoulder.
Fjord shoved past the lump in his throat, “You should focus on getting some rest,” he said, resting his own hand on top of Caduceus’. He plucked the leaves from a sprig of rosemary as he stirred his poor, sad attempt at mushroom stew.
It wasn’t too bad. He’d certainly had worse, and it didn’t exactly taste poisonous. If they’d been with the rest of the party, or they’d had more spell slots, or they weren’t injured, or they weren’t lost, he probably wouldn’t have risked it, but they needed a hot meal, and he probably hadn’t made them sicker. At least 85% sure.
Caduceus ate Fjord’s attempt at mushroom stew and nodded off curled into himself. Fjord laid awake rubbing a small rock between two fingers and hoping, just maybe, that things would look better in the morning.
*
Fjord woke up to the sound of Jester’s voice in his ears. His heart sank to the pit of his stomach as he strained to make out the words.
“Caleb is hurt. We can’t get home. If you’re still alive, please reply. We’re back by the circle of boulders. I need all my spells.
Fjord swallowed. He nudged Caduceus, but the taller man didn’t move. Maybe it would be better to let him sleep- everything would probably sound better when he had his spell slots back.
“I need all my spells”- that was very specific word choice. That meant that she didn’t have spell slots to spend on Message. This last response would be the only correspondence he had for the day. He would have to make it count.
“We’re alive. Caduceus is cursed- crystals growing on him. I’m lost. We’ll try to find our way back. Please stay safe. What do I do?”
He was packing up their tiny camp when he heard Jester’s voice in his ears again. He knew, strategically, that she shouldn’t be burning spell slots, but after the relief of hearing her voice, he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe… cut out part of the infection? Try to keep it at bay? Caleb says it… feeds off his magic, Caleb-!”
Jester was cut off there. Fjord sat dumbly as he turned over what he’d apparently just learned.
“I’ll try to find my way over to you. Keep everyone alive, but save a spell for Caduceus if you can, he might need it,” Fjord said.
Maybe Caleb would be wrong. Maybe this was some other curse, and Cadueus would remove it this morning and everything would be fine.
As Fjord rolled Caduceus over on his side, he had three realizations.
- Caduceus had clearly been in more pain than he’d been letting on, because he’d buried the infected arm in the snow.
- The crystals were beginning to spread, embedding themselves down the side of his arm almost to the elbow.
- This wasn’t going to just go away.
Still, Fjord woke Caduceus anyway. “Deuces,” he tried. “You’re going to have to try to remove your curse.”
Caduceus looked up, blinking the sleep out of his eyes, then winced as he tried to shift his arm out of the snowbank. “I should,” he agreed, then reached out to press the point of his staff to the infection.
But nothing happened. Caduceus was trying to cast the spell, but it hadn’t fizzled like an unsuccessful spell did. It just… wasn’t coming. If a failed spell was one that threw a spark but didn’t light the tinder, this was a flint that wouldn’t spark at all.
“Hm,” Caduceus said as he very slowly began to sit up. “That’s not good, I don’t think.”
“No,” Fjord said, but all he could think of was what Jester had told him.
Cut out part of the infection.
Fjord summoned all the magic he had in his pool of healing, focusing it into Caduceus’ wrist.
The crystal receded slightly. But not by much.
Caduceus was about to pull out a knife, but Fjord beat him to it.
“Am I supposed to… cut the arm?” he asked.
“Not really. We don’t have a bonesaw, and it’s already deep enough in the shoulder joint that I don’t think you’d miss vitals,” Caduceus pointed out. “But you can get the skin off,” he added. He stuck the band of his pack into his mouth, which Fjord was grateful for. As selfish as it was, he probably couldn’t have been able to handle it if he heard Caduceus screaming.
Slowly, methodically, Fjord slid the point of the knife around a fairly decent-sized chunk of crystal, closer to the elbow joint than the shoulder joint. The pained whines that escaped Caduceus made his stomach churn and made him privately grateful he hadn’t had much to eat last night. As he pulled away the shard with a horrible wet sound of flesh separating from flesh (and wondering if that's why Caduceus didn't eat meat), Caduceus looked up at him gratefully.
Fjord wished he’d looked at him that way in any other circumstance than him literally cutting Caduceus up.
Somewhat encouragingly, the flesh underneath seemed unaffected by the crystal. “Could we just cut it all out?” He asked Caduceus.
Caduceus shook his head. “It’s too deep. We can try to slow it spreading, though.”
He redressed Caduceus’ wounds, wished he had more of his healing granted by the Wildmother, tried not to jostle his bad arm too much. He took one of Caduceus' bags when they started walking again. Caduceus thanked him by squeezing his hand again with his practiced, gentle hands, and Fjord was reminded of how much his own were shaking when he'd been carving out pieces of Caduceus' skin.
Caduceus came close to slipping and falling a lot more today, as if he was losing coordination in his left side. Fjord tried and failed not to worry about it.
He ended up having to go in with the knife twice more that day, each time wishing he could have just cured it, then feeling guilty about how selfish he was being.
“Fjord,” he heard Caduceus say as they settled in for the night, sad mushroom stew resting in the pit of his stomach. “Why are you doing this?”
“I’d do it for any of us,” he pointed out. “We look out for each other.”
“We do,” Caduceus pointed out. “But you would be safer if you came back for me.”
“I’m not leaving you behind,” said Fjord, and as far as he was concerned, the discussion ended there.
Despite the thickness of his winter fur, Fjord could tell Caduceus was staring intently at the fire. He decided to risk tucking his arms around Caduceus, and when Caduceus breathed a sigh of relief he felt like he’d made the right choice. Gradually, Caduceus’ shaking stopped.
*
They heard from Jester again first thing next morning.
“Caleb’s getting better. We can make it home now. Please just find us. Tell Caduceus we love him, we want him to be well.”
Caduceus tried to get to his feet and didn’t argue when Fjord said he’d carry him, which didn’t reassure Fjord in the slightest.
Fjord managed to make another circuit of the same grove they’d already walked through three times before he realized how they could find their way back.
“It’s a method of charting the stars,” he said, more to himself than Caduceus since the firbolg man seemed more preoccupied with shivering. He drew the rough position of everything in the dirt, then double-checked. It should work on land as well as it did while sailing. They still didn’t have a map, but this was the first decent idea he’d had in days.
He started walking, Caduceus resting in his arms. He knew Caduceus would keep dying by inches if he forced himself to keep walking.
At first, he was walking past the same four rocks it seemed like they always managed to find. Then an endless patch of trees, then the very edge of a hill. Just as he was about to conclude that he’d managed to doom them both, he saw a familiar looking circle of boulders.
Veth saw them approaching first, and went racing out to meet them, nearly knocking Fjord over.
“We need Jester,” Fjord said immediately, and Veth immediately ran back into their small campsite, Fjord hot on her heels.
“Please tell me you’ve prepared Remove Curse,” Fjord said, and Jester nodded, cracking her knuckles. Caleb had followed them over and was giving some explanation about what exactly Caduceus has been cursed with (Caleb mentioned something about a pearl of power), but Fjord couldn’t really care enough to listen right now.
Jester’s palms glowed with green energy, and a moment later, the crystals receded up his arm slightly and Caduceus smiled. But only slightly.
“I almost killed him,” Fjord murmured to himself after he stepped away, but unfortunately for him, Jester followed.
“You saved him,” Jester pointed out. “It’ll take a little while for him to heal up fully, but he’ll be okay.”
Fjord weakly let Jester hug him.
He couldn't honestly say whether his decision to get Caduceus to safety had saved him or if he would've been safer if he'd just left him with the rest of the party. The alternate to Caduceus being safe wasn't worth thinking about. Fjord had made a rash decision, but Caduceus would be okay now. That was all that mattered.
“Do you think Caleb can get us home?” he asked.
*
When they got back to the Xhorhaus, Fjord didn’t really know what to do. He wandered in and out of the room where Caduceus was resting in, made himself a sandwich only to throw it away, went for a walk and came back.
Finally, he realized what he wanted to do.
“Would you come with me?” he asked Caduceus, and led him onto the roof, where the tree held out its branches decorated with tiny lights.
“Did you miss sleeping under the stars?” Caduceus asked, resting a hand on Fjord’s shoulder.
“Um, no,” Fjord said quietly. God, how he wished he’d made a script for this. “I missed laying down next to you.”
Caduceus smiled at him for a long moment. Fjord felt something in his stomach twist, and he started trying to come up with a believable excuse to go downstairs to the garden when Caduceus spoke.
“You know,” he said. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I love you in the same way that you love me. But that doesn’t mean I feel the same way about you as everyone else.” He paused for a moment to reflect back on what he said. “I don’t think what I said made sense.”
“No, it did,” Fjord said. “But I didn’t want to pressure you, Caduceus. I just wanted to lay down next to you. It doesn’t have to be anything more. And if you don’t, I’ll just go downstairs, but-”
Caduceus shook his head. “I do love you, Fjord. I’m not in love with you, but I do love you. I hope that’s enough,” he said softly.
Caduceus wrapped his arms around Fjord in a gentle hug, and Fjord decided that was a good enough time for him to stop talking. In all honesty, he didn’t know what exactly Caduceus had meant. Having someone like Caduceus love him, even if it wasn’t in the way he’d imagined, was already way more than he’d hoped for, and probably honestly more than he deserved.
But he wasn’t ever going to stop trying to be the person Caduceus thought he was. And for now, he was happy to lay next to him and watch the lights in the tree above.