Chapter Text
‘Be careful with this one, Elsa,’ Iduna said. ‘It’s the ornaments.’
Elsa took the box from her mother and placed it next to the others. It amazed Elsa every year how many Christmas decorations her parents had. It would take them the better part of the afternoon to put them all up if it was just the three of them.
‘I think this is the last one,’ Iduna said, handing Elsa a final red box from the tiny attic.
Together they carried the boxes downstairs where Elsa’s father was looking at some papers.
‘Idun,’ Agnarr said, ‘I’ve made a diagram of how you suggested we decorate the house this year. Can you have a look?’
Together Elsa’s parents pored over the drawings and made little changes here and there to ensure the lights could all be plugged in.
‘Shouldn’t we get started?’ Elsa said. ‘The forecast said it was going to snow later.’
‘I was waiting for your sister,’ Iduna said, ‘but perhaps it is a good idea to get started.’
‘Elsa and I will take these lights upstairs and handle the lights that line the roof.’
‘Are you sure you want to do that from the roof, Agnarr?’ Iduna asked. ‘You almost fell of twice last year.’
‘Almost being the key word,’ Agnarr said. ‘It’ll be fine.’
Elsa had a different idea of fine than her father, because even though he spent the first twenty minutes slipping and sliding across the roof, he said it was all fine.
Just as Elsa handed over the last string of lights, she saw her sister’s car round the corner. Elsa was beyond excited to see her sister again. It had been a few months because Anna had a new boyfriend and was spending more time with him up north.
Elsa’s last boyfriend had dumped her over a year ago. Apparently, he had had a problem with her not contacting him for over a fortnight. Elsa decidedly did not see the issue as she had been busy working and when she was asked whether or not she missed him she had to admit to herself she had barely thought about him.
The noise that was coming from downstairs seemed to be a bit louder than Elsa was expecting – even knowing it was Anna, and Elsa wondered if her boyfriend had come with her. She had really been hoping to spend some time with Anna so hoped this wasn’t the case.
Once her father climbed back through the window, Elsa made her way downstairs where she was immediately engulfed in the biggest hug.
‘Søster!’ Anna yelled in her ear. ‘I am so happy to see you!’
‘I’m happy to see you too,’ Elsa said, returning the hug with as much affection.
‘And I am so happy to have both my girls in one place,’ Agnarr said, putting his arms around both of them. ‘Idun, come here – let’s complete this family hug.’
Elsa enjoyed the moment with her family but the voices in the background told her they were not alone. After a few minutes, Anna pulled Elsa away from the hug and towards the voices.
‘Elsa,’ Anna said. ‘This is my kjæreste, Kristoff. And Kristoff, this is my sister, the best person in the world!’
Elsa shook Kristoff’s hand. She supposed he was good-looking in a male sort of way and he had kind eyes. Anna then turned Elsa to face the person standing next to Kristoff.
‘And this is Ryder,’ Anna said. ‘Kristoff’s best friend.’
He too looked nice and his blue eyes stood out against his darker skin. Ryder shook her hand very enthusiastically and gushed at how pleased he was to meet her.
‘Now it’s time for some sisterly gossip,’ Anna said, dragging Elsa into yet another direction. It was very reminiscent of their entire childhood.
‘He’s for you,’ Anna whispered when they had reached the far end of the living room.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Come one, Elsa. He’s so cute and so nice and you’ve not had a boyfriend in over a year and you shouldn’t have to spend Christmas alone.’
‘I was under the impression I would be spending it with my family.’
‘Don’t be like that. Of course, we’re spending it together but wouldn’t it be nice to be held by some strong arms,’ Anna said. ‘And while Ryder’s might not be as impressive as Kristoff’s…’
Elsa was expecting more but Anna seemed lost in her memories of Kristoff’s arms and Elsa felt very annoyed. She was just hoping to have a nice quiet Christmas with her family and all of a sudden there was this thing looming over her.
Just as she was about to tell Anna that she was not happy about this, the door to the kitchen opened again and a young woman walked in. Based on her hair and skin tone, but mostly the gentle punch to the arm, Elsa assumed she was related to Ryder.
‘Who’s that?’ Elsa asked.
‘Oh, that’s Maren,’ Anna said. ‘She’s Ryder’s sister.’
‘And why is she here?’ Elsa asked. ‘For pappa? In case he’s bored of mamma.’
‘Haha,’ Anna said in a monotone voice. ‘No, she’s just here for Christmas. Come on, I’ll introduce you.’
After all the introductions were made, everyone was given a task so they could finish the outside decorations as quickly as possible. Elsa had been teamed up with Ryder of course, and they moved to set up the reindeer at the edge of the garden. At least it was the easiest task.
While they were doing it, Ryder was talking a mile a minute. Apparently, he and Kristoff worked with reindeer and it was deeply fulfilling. There were many anecdotes about specific reindeer and Elsa struggled to keep track.
A few metres away, her mother had teamed up with Maren and they were adding a string of lights to a few of the branches of a tree so that it looked like a tree of light. Elsa couldn’t make out what they were saying but her mother seemed very happy to be talking to Maren.
What did everyone know about these strangers that were spending Christmas with them that she didn’t know?
Maren very quickly climbed up the tree and made it look easy but Elsa knew it wasn’t. Attaching these lights to the tree had been her job ever since Anna broke her arm when she fell from the tree while putting up the lights when she was eleven.
‘Elsa, kjære,’ Iduna shouted over to her. ‘If you’re done, can you get the gløgg ready inside?’
On the way into the house Elsa noticed her father, Anna and Kristoff had nearly finished putting the lights around the windows and declined Ryder’s offer of help, which meant he followed her into the kitchen.
Elsa focussed on heating the gløgg, while Ryder talked. When it suddenly fell silent Elsa noticed him looking at her expectantly which made her realise he had asked her a question. It also made her realise he was standing much closer to her than she would prefer.
‘Sorry,’ Elsa said, stepping back a little. ‘What did you say?’
‘I asked if you like gløgg? Anna has told me about many of your likes but has not mentioned this.’
As she considered how un-Christmassy it would be to hit Anna, Elsa told him she didn’t really like it.
‘Oh, really,’ Ryder said. ‘I love it!’
And with that he moved onto a few more anecdotes involving this and other types of alcohol. Anna had clearly neglected to mention how much she hated excessive drinking.
As he talked Elsa wondered if she should like him. He was clearly nice and handsome and yet she felt no different about him than she would an excited puppy. It was a relief when other people came in and joined Ryder in conversation.
The gløgg was served and everyone gathered around the kitchen table as the snow started falling outside. Elsa knew she should feel happy but the shock of sharing this Christmas with three strangers didn’t sit well with her and she wished they would go.
‘Excuse me,’ Maren said clearly, drawing everyone’s attention towards her. ‘I just want to say, on behalf of me and Ryder, that we’re so grateful to you for opening your home to two strangers like this. When we were young we didn’t really have the means to celebrate Christmas with all its traditions and since our parents died we have never celebrated it again so we’re just really happy to be here.’
And now Elsa felt worse.
‘We’re happy to have you,’ Iduna said. ‘And you are not strangers – you are my daughter’s friends and you are Northuldra.’
That certainly explains her mother’s warm behaviour towards Maren and Ryder. She so rarely got to celebrate and share her heritage in Arendelle.
‘How was the solstice celebration yesterday?’ Iduna asked.
Elsa knew how important the solstices were to the Northuldra. Her mother had seen it as a sign that she should not abandon her Northuldra heritage that both she and Anna had been born during the solstice.
The way the four of them were describing it, it was clear it had been a magical night.
‘I am sorry I missed your birthday though,’ Anna said. ‘Did you have a nice one?’
‘It was fine,’ Elsa said. ‘I didn’t really do anything but mamma and pappa made me come home for dinner and they made my favourite.’
‘Didn’t you do anything with your friends?’ Ryder asked. ‘Anna said you have several friends.’
Elsa tried not to feel insulted but people only ever say someone has friends when that is unexpected. As a sort of assurance that she is really not as big of a loner as she seems. She simply said, ‘We went out for drinks last weekend.’
‘I’ve got you a present,’ Anna said. ‘I’ll give it to you in a bit.’
‘Let’s make a plan first,’ Iduna said. ‘We still have to decorate the tree and put up a few things in the house and made a gingerbread village.
‘We’re making a whole village?’ Maren asked.
‘Yes, absolutely,’ Iduna said. ‘I made the dough and rolled it out. We just have to cut and bake the pieces and then we can build.’
‘Can we pick our own designs?’ Anna asked.
‘Yes,’ Iduna said, ‘and Elsa made three new templates.’
‘Excellent!’ Anna said.
‘Anna told us you’re a fantastic artist,’ Ryder said, putting his hand on her arm.
Under the guise of putting away her mug, Elsa got up and said, ‘I draw a little but I wouldn’t say I’m an artist.’
‘Agree to disagree,’ Anna said.
Compliments always made Elsa feel uncomfortable which her family knew so her mother steered the conversation away from her and towards the gingerbread houses. Before long, the kitchen was a flurry of people cutting their houses into the dough.
‘No,’ Iduna said, ‘don’t remove the bits you’ve cut out. If you leave them in the edges will bake more neatly.’
The smell of gingerbread filled the kitchen as the first batches went into the oven. With their mother’s permission, Elsa and Anna went upstairs so Anna could give Elsa her gift.
‘It’s beautiful, Anna,’ Elsa said, admiring the exquisitely carved pencil stand that was shaped like a reindeer.
‘I know you have your favourite pencil and the five different pens you use and you like knowing where things are so I thought this would be perfect.’
‘It is,’ Elsa said. ‘Thank you.’
Elsa gave her sister a long hug. Seeing her sister was really the only gift she needed, even if she did bring home unwanted admirers. She was just about to comment on that when Anna got there before her.
‘Please give Ryder a chance.’
‘What?’
‘I can see you’re not really engaging with him and you’re missing out,’ Anna said. ‘I can give you some tips on how to be more sociable.’
‘Can you give him tips on how to talk less and respect people’s personal space?’ Elsa said, feeling annoyed.
‘Don’t be that way,’ Anna said, for the second time that day.
‘What way? You mean don’t be myself.’
‘Of course, I don’t mean that. You know I love you just the way you are. I just mean, be more like you are with me and with your friends.’
‘Part of who I am is that being like that takes time and you pushing this stranger on me at Christmas is just making me feel anxious.’
‘Obviously that’s not my intention,’ Anna said, looking genuinely remorseful. ‘I just want you to be happy.’
Elsa could have said more about how there might be a big difference between what made her happy and what made Anna happy but the conversation was cut short by people coming up the stairs.
‘All I’m saying,’ Anna said, getting off the bed, ‘is be a bit more open.’
A bit more open. As if that’s easy. And what would the end result be? If Anna had her way she would be snuggled up with Ryder by midnight but the thought alone made her feel queasy. Elsa went through possible scenarios until there was a knock on the door.
Hoping it was Anna but dreading it was Ryder, Elsa hesitantly told her mystery guest to come in. To her surprise it was neither of them; it was Maren.
‘Hey,’ Maren said. ‘Can I come in?’
‘Of course,’ Elsa said, having a quick look around the room but it was spotless as usual.
‘Sorry about my brother,’ Maren said.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I know he can be a bit much,’ Maren said. ‘He really likes Anna, in fact, between you and me, I think he has a bit of a crush on her, so he wants to please her and is hoping you’ll be enough like her to just transfer the crush. Anyway, he’s going a little overboard.’
All of this threw Elsa a little. She felt bad for him now, having a crush on his best friend’s girlfriend was tough and in addition to that the sister he was hoping would be like her doesn’t really share most of her traits.
‘He’ll be disappointed,’ Elsa said, ‘because I’m nothing like Anna.’
‘Yes and no,’ Maren said.
Unlike her brother Maren didn’t talk a mile a minute and didn’t explain what she meant by that. Instead she was quietly looking at the art Elsa had posted on a tagboard. They were mostly old pieces but Maren seemed interested in them nonetheless.
‘What do you mean by that?’ Elsa asked after a few moments.
‘Oh, you know.’
‘No, I don’t.’
‘I just mean that you’re not his type,’ Maren said. ‘I don’t mean that in a bad way, but you’re just very different from the people he usually goes for.’
‘Right.’
‘Does that bother you?’ Maren asked. ‘Does he make your heart race?’
Elsa supposed he did but not in the way Maren meant. He made her feel anxious in a way that she wanted to stop whereas Maren was making her feel anxious in a whole new way.
‘No,’ Elsa said. ‘But shouldn’t he?’
‘Why?’ Maren asked. ‘Because he’s nice and you’re a gal and he’s a guy. I think that’s nonsense to be honest. Just because two people are good in their own ways, that doesn’t mean they’ll fit.’
‘Anna thinks we will, and she knows me better than anyone.’
‘Maybe, maybe not,’ Maren said. ‘Anna is young and thinks everyone will be made happy by the same things, but you and I know that’s not true.’
‘We do?’
‘Yes, Anna thinks you need a man to be happy, but are you happy without one, Elsa?’
‘Yes,’ Elsa said instantly. She was happy. She liked her job, her friends, her home and her family and no boyfriend had ever increased her happiness.
‘Good,’ Maren said. ‘Tell your sister that because she worries.’
‘You’re good at figuring people out, aren’t you?’
‘I suppose,’ Maren said. ‘I’m a counsellor so I need to be.’
‘I bet you’re excellent at it.’
‘Maybe,’ Maren said. ‘And it seems like you’ve not been entire honest today because you are definitely an artist.’
Maren was pointing squarely at the most intricate drawing on the wall, which was nothing compared to her newer drawings. Elsa was overcome with a desire to show Maren these newer pieces, to impress her more.
‘Thank you,’ Elsa said. ‘I have more… if you’re interested.’
Before Maren could answer, Elsa’s mother called up the stairs to tell them the gingerbread pieces were ready. Elsa felt like a moment, an opportunity had slipped through her fingers, but Maren proved her wrong.
‘Later,’ Maren said. ‘I’d love to see them later.’
The hubbub in the kitchen was in sharp contrast with the quietness of Elsa’s conversation with Maren. It had left her feeling like she wanted more so she said down next to Maren, ignoring her sister’s not so subtle hints to sit next to Ryder and asked Maren about her job.
Two hours later Elsa knew a lot more about Maren. She knew she liked to snowboard, climb trees, try new food and pet dogs. Elsa also learned Maren had enough patience to put the gingerbread house together but didn’t care too much about how to decorate it and certainly didn’t share her view that less is more.
On the whole the gingerbread houses said a lot about their makers. Elsa’s had by far the most intricate details, but the lack of candy made it the worst one – at least according to Anna. Their mother’s was beautifully decorated but with wonky walls, while their father had made the biggest one but failed to stick the candy on properly so it kept falling off. Kristoff’s was quite messy and Elsa had had to help him put it together since his hands were too big and Anna and Ryder had to join forces and make one house after several of their pieces broke and it still looked like a mess.
‘You should all thank me and Ryder though,’ Anna said. ‘Because if we hadn’t messed up, we wouldn’t have this much gingerbread to eat now.’
‘Well, don’t eat too much,’ Agnarr said, ‘because dinner will be ready soon.’
While Anna, Kristoff and Ryder were munching on the gingerbread, Maren had walked over to the picture wall. It was what they called the wall where their parents had put up pictures of all the highs in their lives. There was barely any room left for new pictures and their mother had already nominated a new wall to become picture wall 2.0.
Elsa had moved to stand next to Maren to offer up some background information on the different photos when Maren put her hand on Elsa’s arm and asked, ‘what’s happening in this one?’
She was pointing at a picture of Elsa holding up a medal when she was twelve and she won a national maths contest, which is what she told Maren.
‘But please don’t hold that against her,’ Anna said from the sofa, ‘because she might be a dork, but she’s a cool one.’
‘I like maths,’ Elsa said. ‘It makes sense.’
And she meant it. Elsa had always struggled with things that weren’t quantifiable like literature or feelings, like the ones Maren had caused by placing her hand on her arm. The hand was long gone but Elsa could still feel it somehow.
Dinner was delicious as always – their father was a great cook, and Elsa felt more relaxed. Ryder had calmed down a bit since that afternoon and Elsa had to admit he was quite nice. Elsa still didn’t say as much as the others but if Anna’s encouraging smiles were anything to go by, she was doing much better.
They moved onto board games after dinner and Elsa was relieved to hear charades were off the table. Instead, they played a few rounds of cards before moving onto Settlers of Catan. Elsa was pleased with this because everyone always forgot how to actually score points and they just built villages and towns without giving it any thought.
An hour in, Elsa was very close to victory and nobody seemed to notice. She just needed some sheep but wasn’t in a good position to get any and didn’t have much to trade with. But her sister had sheep and she could work with that. Maren had just finished talking about how she and Ryder had always been close which gave her the perfect lead in.
‘Anna and I have too,’ Elsa said. ‘When she was a baby I used to steal her out of her crib and put her in my bed.’
‘It was a bit of an issue actually,’ Agnarr said. ‘Because it wasn’t safe.’
‘I just felt bad that she had to sleep in your boring room and I wanted her to sleep in the good room with all the toys.’
‘Yes, and when we finally convinced you to leave her in her crib, you started putting in your toys with her – also very dangerous,’ Iduna said.
‘I just think sisters should always share,’ Elsa said. ‘Do you agree, Anna?’
‘Of course!’ Anna said, absolutely sincerely. ‘If I was dying of thirst I’d still share my last drop of water with you.’
‘Aw,’ Elsa said. ‘That’s so sweet. Do you really mean that?’
‘Yes!’ Anna said. ‘What’s mine is yours!’
‘That’s really great to hear,’ Elsa said. ‘Because I really need some sheep.’
There was an immediate roar of indignation as it became clear it had all been a setup to get to this point. Elsa was called ruthless and Anna pretended her heart was broken but in the end still gave Elsa the sheep she needed to win the game.
Everyone was still discussing the sneaky manner in which Elsa had claimed her victory but Elsa was distracted by the sound of Maren’s laughter. It was enticing in an unknowable way and Elsa was contemplating ways to make her laugh again when her mother announced it was time for bed because they had a long day ahead of them.
Elsa went upstairs to get ready for bed thinking about the strange day she had had. It had been nothing like she had expected that morning and had left her feeling odd. She brushed her teeth hoping Maren had been right about Ryder not really being interested. She flossed wondering if Maren would still want to see her drawings. She changed into pyjamas while thinking about how both Natturas had put their hands on her arm and how different it had felt. She got into bed concluding that Nattura was a beautiful name and it suited her. A knock on the door prevented her from realising what it all meant.
‘Hey sis,’ Anna said slipping into Elsa’s bedroom like Elsa knew she would. What she wasn’t expecting was their mother who followed Anna in.
‘Mamma,’ Anna said, ‘I thought you already said goodnight.’
‘I’m not an idiot, Anna, and I can see what’s going on and I just want to make sure you’re not pressuring your sister into anything she doesn’t want to do.’
‘I would never do that!’
‘The Westergaards?’
‘That’s eight years ago! I was seventeen. I think you should let that go.’
‘Either way, I’m just going to sit here,’ Iduna said, as she sat down at the end of Elsa’s bed, ‘and not intervene.’
‘Fine,’ Anna said, before turning to Elsa with big eyes. ‘So?’
‘So?’
‘What do you think?’
‘Of?’
‘Why do you have to be this way?’ Anna said. ‘Of Ryder of course! You seemed to be getting on a bit better.’
‘It was fine.’
‘Fine?’ Anna said. ‘Okay, fine is good. I can work with fine.’
‘Work with?’
‘This is the plan,’ Anna said. ‘Tomorrow morning, before all the hoopla, we – you, me, Kristoff and Ryder, will go for a walk by the fjord and then we’ll split up and you and Ryder can spend some alone time together.’
Alone time. The anxious feeling returned but it mixed with the guilt she felt at letting her sister down. Elsa just wasn’t sure of what to do. There were worse guys than Ryder but then there was what Maren had told her about Ryder and then there was the way Maren had laughed.
‘If that’s what you want,’ Elsa said in the end.
Anna leaned forward excitedly and Elsa knew she was going to eagerly accept her affirmative answer when their mother interjected.
‘Is it what you want, Elsa?’
‘Mamma, come one,’ Anna said. ‘She wouldn’t say yes if she didn’t want to.’
‘Historically, that’s not entirely true,’ Iduna said. ‘Do you remember the vase adventure?’
‘You’re really keen on dragging up the past tonight.’
‘Mamma, I appreciate your help,’ Elsa said. ‘But I’ll do it. It’s fine.’
‘Anna, do you remember our chat about enthusiastic consent?’ Iduna asked. ‘Because this isn’t it.’
‘Fine, I’ll double check,’ Anna said. ‘Are you excited about it, Elsa?’
‘No, but when have I ever been excited about a guy? It just takes time.’
‘Have you never met someone and just clicked?’ Anna asked. ‘That you just wanted to keep chatting, learn more about them?’
‘Someone who makes your stomach flip, but in a nice way,’ Iduna added. ‘Someone whose smile makes you melt.’
Elsa saw her previous relationships and the complete absence of these things pass her by and instead her mind focused on the moment she had shared with Maren in this room, the feel of Maren’s hand on her arm, the sound of Maren’s laugh and the warmth of her eyes and suddenly she understood something that had always been a mystery to her.
‘Oh,’ Elsa said.
‘What?’ Anna asked.
‘I think I just had a bit of an epiphany,’ Elsa said.
‘Of what?’
‘Well for one, I’m definitely not interested in dating Ryder,’ Elsa said and she felt the truth of it in her bones, ‘and more importantly, I am so, so gay.’