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Shizuo had expected this kind of result on this late evening. Being that he and Izaya had gathered at an izakaya bar with a good number of friends, almost everyone whom the both of them knew had turned out for the party including the van gang, Izaya’s sisters, Shinra and Celty, and many other people since friends of friends were invited as well. It was most certainly a cold winter night, but that many people in the bar had created a warm atmosphere for everyone, not to mention the majority of people there were drinking like monsters; as though they were preparing to have a limb chopped off without an anesthetic.
Despite this, Shizuo had gotten away with a mere light buzz by the time everyone left at closing time. His companion, however, was another story altogether. It was always a fifty-fifty guess as to whether Izaya would leave a place like that either dead sober or completely smashed. Although he was a little tired now, Izaya was in an amusing state, so even though the blond knew he’d be taking care of the drunk next to him, he didn’t mind it.
Though Izaya was rambling rather loudly, there weren’t many others walking around at that time of night in their specific area of the streets. Besides, it was a particularly cold winter so there were even fewer people than usual out. The breath coming out of Izaya’s mouth so consistently was easily visible in the subzero temperature as his steps were a bit uneven and much slower than usual. The alcohol-induced flush on his face was even visible on the dimly lit streets of Shinjuku. He was fiddling with the red scarf around his neck, but his other hand was gesticulating a bit wildly. Shizuo’s gloved hands had found their usual spot in the pockets of his coat. Izaya’s rambling turned to a topic that still bothered him every now and then; he seemed to think he was in the past now.
“I mean, it’s not like I’m tryyyying to get anyone hurt, ya know? They’re the ones who do the shameful things and then they’re all pissed off when someone finds out about it! *Hic*-I mean, what can you expect, right?” The raven-haired man wasn’t yelling between his hiccups, but his voice came out rather passionately on the subject. Shizuo replied to him calmly, it was always the best option when he got this way, rare as it was.
“They always came after you for it, didn’t they?”
“They-they always do! But-! But but but…it’s NOT my fault, ok? Do you understaaand?” the drawl tinted with insistence came tumbling out of the shorter man’s mouth, a rare tone and verbiage for him; a very large part of the reason Shizuo thought it was both funny and endearing.
“Of course, Izaya.”
“Ok, good. Plus, plus, everyone is so cruel! My humans -*Hic*- they’re so cruel to me, ya know?”
“I know.”
“Right? They come after me with-with bats and their knives…and their guns…”
“Wha- guns?! You never told me that!” This should have been something Shizuo had known about by now, yet it seemed he’d never know everything about Izaya’s past and current dealings.
“Pfffff- it was so sooooo dumb though, they were so bad at using them! I mean, you import some real illegal stuff a-and then you suck at using it! Khrnk-!! Hahhaahh!”
“I should’ve known,” the blond admitted in his slightly annoyed tone, but a slight smile came out hearing Izaya’s unrestrained laughter.
“But still…I don’t even-*Hic*-have friends...it hurts more than people think. AND! And…they think I’m some kind of demon…BUT if I were a demon, I mean, I’d just cre-create friends or SOMEthing…and…I do SO feel stuff…I feel things! With my emotions! …Assholes.”
“I know you do,” it was interesting to hear more detailed accounts about how Izaya really dealt with things in days since passed. Said man was starting to sniffle from the cold a little bit and Shizuo saw an irritated pout on his face, which kept a smile on his own.
“Maybe YOU know…whoever you are, Mr. So-and-so. But THEY don’t and they won’t be my friends and they say nasty things and they just treat me however they want like they think I’m not human…and I don’t get to go to hotpot.”
Indeed, Izaya didn’t usually recognize him when he was drunk to this extent.
“But you do now, Izaya.”
“I KNOW! THEY’RE AWFUL, RIGHT??”
Shizuo huffed a small sigh in half amusement, half pity at Izaya’s state. Raising a hand to pat Izaya’s back gently, he attempted to console the other. “But you did do a really good job at convincing everyone you weren’t very human, you know.”
“Hmph. Well if people hated me then they had reason to live after awful things that happened to them. Vengeance, pride, right? It works so well! ” *Hic!* “And besides if they thought I DIDN’T have feelings they can’t hurt me because then I was…I didn’t have feelings!”
“We talked about that and why that entire way of thinking isn’t healthy, Izaya.”
“YOUUU talked…Mr. So-and-so! I-I-I just am sitting here!” Even drunk, Izaya enjoyed avoiding that topic, though they’d already had proper talks about it.
“We’re walking, you know.”
“NO…I don’t wanna,” as the shorter man adapted a whine to his voice, he dropped right where he stood immediately, indeed sitting on the cold sidewalk dusted in snow.
Shizuo looked back at him, and turned with a reluctant shake of his head, a slight laugh escaping him at Izaya’s antics. He bent over, gathering the raven-haired man into his arms and picked him up, carrying him bridal style.
“I know you enjoy me carrying you this way but I’m pretty sure the walk would help you sober up,” the blond already knew it was a pointless suggestion but he still tried.
“No, Mr. So-and-so you know noooothing,” Shizuo made a mental note to better limit Izaya’s alcohol consumption in the future.
“Uh-huh.”
“Le-lemme tell you ‘bout Shizu-chan!” The ex-bartender closed his eyes with a shred of dread.
“Here we go…go ahead, dear.”
“TH-thank you~! You’re so polite! What a sweet nickname, and an English one, too! How skilled!”
“You taught me English, Izaya,” so his mind was still centered in the past, then.
“So- SO! Shizu-chan…he treats me worse than anybody!”
“I know.”
“Yeah, you know of course you do, the whole city knows! Hahaha! But-but I’m most sad about that because...” his voice dropped to a whisper. “Because don’t tell aaaaanybody this, ok?” The so-called secret Shizuo knew Izaya was about to divulge was not a secret in the slightest. He agreed anyway.
“I won’t.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Pinky swear?”
“Pinky swear.”
Shizuo’s pinky met Izaya’s halfway, the latter’s fingers not nearly as nimble as usual, and they wrapped their pinkies around the other’s gently for a few seconds.
Izaya spoke the ‘secret’ in a very audible whisper before bursting into a fit of giggles. “I actually love him. Heeheheheheheeee! Isn’t that so funny??! I’m hilarious, right?? I’M!! I’m…a joke. Just a joke. Shizu-chan has no idea, he never will. He’ll always hate me and it’s MYYYY fauuuulllltt~!” The tone of the entire voiced monologue switched to a depressive state very quickly.
“Do we need to talk about this again, dear?”
“NO NO I HAAAAATE that conversation…. *Hic!*”
“I know you do,” Shizuo knew Izaya hated this conversation even more than the other one. Looking around, the streets were still rather empty, but the blond could see the puffs of their breaths in the cold air when they spoke, and he adjusted Izaya’s scarf to cover him better.
“Bessssiiiiides we talked about it together after he-*Hic*-sent me to the hospital that one time and…and then he showed up and I…”
“And?” Shizuo smiled gently at the shared memory.
“Dooooooooooooooooon’t be noooosy Mr. So-and-so!! It’s ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude, ya know~?”
“Yes, yes.”
“But then, thennnn...uhhmmmmm…Oh! We got together! We got together a buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunch of times, heheeheheh do you- do you get it? Do you get my meaaaaning? Hahahha!” Izaya was perking up in Shizuo’s arms now, gleefully making jokes. At least he was starting to remember things.
“I certainly do, Izaya.”
“Right?? But isn’t it great?!!”
“You’re starting to remember again.”
“Oh!! But he was still also like…the WORST!”
“Oh, really?” The blond smirked, already knowing what Izaya would say.
“WELL!! HE!! We were-*Hic*-at Russia Sushi one day, right? And then hE HAD THE NERVE TO PROPOSE TO ME THERE! RIGHT THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RESTAURANT!”
“Well, we had our first kiss there, remember?”
“WELL YEAH-!! AND I LOVED IT BUT SHHHhhhfhraghr don’t teeeeeeeeeeeeeell him thaaaaaaaaaaaat, k?” Shizuo chuckled deeply in his throat, unable to hold back his affectionate amusement.
“I’m sure he has no idea.”
“GUUD! Cuz…cuz it’s embarrassing- I only say stuff like that in the houuuuse, you know?”
“I know, dear, you need to protect your image. But you might have more friends if you stopped worrying about that.”
“Nooooo it’s fiiiiiine I have friends- I juuuust saw them all back at that bar- I was just at a bar, you know.”
“Why do you always get smashed at my birthday parties?”
“Besides, I have Shizuo now and he’s really a…good. He’s a good, good human so I’m fine like this, ‘kaaay?” Ah, here comes the mushier stuff, Shizuo thought to himself, a smile maintained on his face. Well, two could play at that game.
“We’re going home, my love.”
“Ooooh I like home. Shizuo is there a lot. He calls me that too and I like it ‘cuz I love him. I don’t say that though,” Izaya remarked as if explaining a basic fact.
“I love you too, Izaya.”
“Yeah, me too. We got maaaarried too, you know?” His voice paused to break into a yawn. “It was so niiiiiiiiiice.”
“It was.”
“I have to- *Hic* -thank everyone.”
“You did.”
“Mrflrgh…Ok good,” Shizuo hid a smile in Izaya’s hair, breathing in the other’s scent, hearing the other get sleepier as they approached their home. Izaya spoke again, voice seeming tired and exhausted.
“Where’s Shizuo?”
“I’m right here, Izaya. I always will be.”
“Hmm…you smell like him.”
“It would be odd if I didn’t.”
Shizuo walked them up the steps, getting his keys from his pocket with one hand, and stepping inside.
“But you kinda look like him too.”
Shizuo let out a genuine laugh at that, glad Izaya seemed to be orienting to the present properly and recognizing things.
“You sound like him too…wait, this is home! Shi-Shizuuuuuoooo!! I’m HOOOMMMME!!!!”
“Don’t overdo it, Izaya.”
“But…my huuuusband is heeeere…”
“I’ve been here, love.”
The blond entered their bedroom, laying Izaya down on their bed and turned on the lamp next to it. The raven-haired man seemed to nestle into the bed, satisfied as Shizuo removed most of his clothing to sleep comfortably. Though he thought Izaya might’ve fallen asleep, he suddenly nearly shouted, his voice bright in happiness.
“Hmm wait…oh! Shizuo! There you are!”
“Here I am, Izaya,” Shizuo smiled at him once again.
“I’m happy that you…you smile at me a lot, Shizuo.”
“So am I.” The taller man raised a hand to caress his husband’s face, gold ring glinting in the lamp light.
“I wanted to tell you…happy birthday, Shizuo.”
“You did tell me, dear.”
“Oh…yeah. Hnghgh…I love you.”
“I love you too,” he bent down, kissing Izaya’s forehead. “I’m gonna get you some water,” he left the room and headed for the kitchen. Had he looked back; he might’ve seen the immediate shift in countenance to Izaya’s face. It was a soft expression, but miles away from his looser, careless expressions given out in a drunken state. He let a secret smile cross his face with a blush unrelated to alcohol, glad his pretending worked yet again.
Meanwhile, Shizuo was filling up a glass of water in the kitchen, a fond smile on his face as he thought about the previous half hour or so. Izaya was never one to say things straight out so directly, unless he used a guise of some kind like drunkenness. Tonight, his husband had done so for at least part of their walk, sobering up along the way. Walking back to their room with the water in hand, he saw Izaya pretending to sleep. He knew why Izaya liked to pretend he was drunk; so he could say sweet things like that much easier. It was truly adorable, in fact. Still, Shizuo thought, his eyes holding genuine love in them as he stared at his husband, setting the water down on the side table, all the pretending was unnecessary.