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"Are you actually going to try it?" Liu Sang demanded. The damp rocky walls of the tomb gave his voice an incredulous echo.
Pangzi had already started bending down toward the stone bier, but he paused and looked up. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Liu Sang stuttered slightly. "I mean…"
"You said it was a valid translation," Pangzi protested. "Now you're saying it's not? What do you think we should do, then?" He gestured at Wu Xie, lying limply unconscious on top of the carved stone.
"Well, I mean, technically…" Liu Sang said, and floundered. "Are you really his true love, though?"
Pangzi snorted. "Are you serious?" he asked. "After everything Tianzhen and I have been through together? Do you know how many meals I've cooked for him? How many times I've dragged his ass home?" He rolled his eyes. "He'd damn well better consider me his true love. You just watch."
Liu Sang raised an extremely skeptical eyebrow. "Go ahead," he said. "But I'm pretty sure the engravers were meaning romantic love."
"Too bad for them, then," Pangzi said. "You know Tianzhen doesn't work that way. Those engravers need to take what they can get."
He turned his back on Liu Sang, but then reconsidered and twisted a little sideways. So that Liu Sang couldn't claim afterwards that he'd cheated. "Don't let me down, Tianzhen," he muttered. Or he'd never hear the end of it.
He took a deep breath, and kissed Wu Xie, very gently on his icy cold lips. Then he sneaked a glance at Liu Sang and turned the kiss into a much more performative one.
Liu Sang was free of mockery for the moment, though. He held his breath as he watched, tensely.
A few very long seconds passed. Then colour flooded into Wu Xie's white face. His head turned slightly from one side to the other, and his eyes opened.
"Tianzhen?" Pangzi demanded.
"Mmm." Wu Xie blinked, then pushed himself up onto his elbows. Pangzi and Liu Sang both came in from opposite sides to support him. "What happened?"
"You found a curse," Liu Sang said.
"Congratulations!" Pangzi added.
Wu Xie looked at them and then sat up properly, pulling himself free so that he could swing his legs over the side of the bier and rub at his eyes. "Why do I get all the curses?" he complained.
"They like you," Pangzi said. "Anyway, I broke it for you."
Liu Sang cleared his throat.
"Okay, Jinx worked out the glyphs," Pangzi allowed. He paused. "Are you going to ask how?"
"Am I?" Wu Xie asked.
"You are," Pangzi confirmed.
Wu Xie rubbed his eyes again. "How did you break the curse, Pangzi?"
"He kissed you," Liu Sang said.
"Hey, I was telling him!" Pangzi snapped.
"We don't need a whole dramatic story."
"You are zero fun," Pangzi grumped. He dismissed Liu Sang from his attention and spread his arms dramatically. "Tianzhen, I am your true love. It's been confirmed. Scientifically."
Wu Xie raised his eyebrows. "Huh. A love's kiss curse?"
"Yep," Pangzi said, smugly.
"Where's Xiaoge?"
"Went to scout for an exit," Pangzi said. He pouted. "Anyway, why are you asking about him? Xiaoge can be your true love some other time. I'm the one who woke you up."
"You're going to go on about it all day, aren't you?" Liu Sang said, grouchily.
"Why shouldn't I?" Pangzi asked. He slung an arm around Liu Sang. "Hey, did one of us ever tell you the story about when we were in the Tomb of the River Orchid?"
"Maybe when I wasn't listening," Liu Sang said.
Wu Xie got to his feet, cautiously at first but standing steady. "Let's get out of here."
"You're awake." Xiaoge had returned silent as a ghost. He gave Wu Xie a small smile. "You're okay?"
"I'm fine," Wu Xie assured him.
"Xiaoge, do you remember when we were in the Tomb of the River Orchid?" Pangzi asked him.
"It's this way," Xiaoge said.
Liu Sang hurried alongside him. However, the passage Xiaoge revealed behind a hidden door was wide enough for all four of them to walk abreast. "There were these flowers growing everywhere," Pangzi continued, unabashed. "Tianzhen, you remember?"
"Of course I remember," Wu Xie said.
"The ones with the pollen that got everywhere," Pangzi said.
"Watch out," Xiaoge said, and steered them around a barely-visible pressure plate set into the floor.
"Are we nearly out?" Liu Sang asked.
Xiaoge made an ambiguous gesture with his hand.
"Jinx, are you even listening?" Pangzi asked.
Wu Xie sighed. "Pangzi, I'm not sure Liu Sang wants to hear about the aphrodisiac pollen."
Liu Sang's head snapped round. "What."
"Tianzhen, you have no idea how to tell a story!" Pangzi groused. "I was getting to it."
"I do not want to hear this!" Liu Sang protested.
"But it's funny!" Pangzi said. "Xiaoge, tell him —"
Liu Sang put his hands over his ears. "Stop it! I don't want to hear your awful sex pollen story."
Xiaoge said nothing. Just smirked a little.
"It's a good story," Pangzi protested, when it became apparent that no one was going to verbally back him up.
"I think you kind of had to be there," Wu Xie said.
"Yes, I'm letting Jinx know what he missed out on."
"Would you be talking this way if Xiao-Bai was with us?" Wu Xie asked.
"Of course not!" Pangzi said. "She's practically a child. You think I'd corrupt her like that?" He paused. "She'd probably find it entertaining, though."
"I forbid you to tell this story to Xiao-Bai," Wu Xie said, quickly.
Liu Sang made an agonised noise. "I forbid you to tell it to me!"
Pangzi threw up his hands. "Fine. Fine! Even though we're all adults here, I shall refrain from telling a very good story about very good sex. While high on flower pollen."
Wu Xie caught Liu Sang's eye, and then did his best to stifle his laughter behind his hand. Entirely unsuccessfully.
"Watch out for more curses," Xiaoge cautioned.
Pangzi brightened at this reminder of how the topic had started. "Xiaoge, I forgot to tell you. I'm Tianzhen's true love."
Xiaoge made a noise of amusement. "Really?"
"Don't worry," Pangzi said. "I'll let you have a turn next time."
"I hate all of you," Liu Sang said.