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“You are doing the lip biting thing,” Logan noted, drawing Patton from his thoughts. They were sitting together on the couch, Logan reading a book and Patton with his legs in Logan’s lap.
“Hmm?” said Patton.
Logan reached over to draw a thumb over Patton’s lower lip, which was when Patton realized that he was, indeed, biting his lip. He stopped then and Logan continued to speak. “You bite the left side of your lip when you want to breach a topic, but are too nervous to do so,” he informed him.
“Oh,” Patton said. Logan had been mentioning things like that a lot. They’d been working on communicating better and Logan had been trying to make a note of Patton’s ‘tells.’ Patton had even found a piece of paper with different hypothesis and observations written up like Patton was a science experiment in Logan’s desk drawer. He’d put it back without mentioning it.
Patton himself had been trying to actually talk to him. The relationship counselor kept pushing them to have more honest communication, and his personal therapist kept pointing out things that he should probably think about bringing up. So, Logan had been having plenty of practice investigating how Patton’s feelings related to his body language. It was probably a good thing... even if it often made Patton feel far too vulnerable.
“So?” Logan asked, expectantly.
“I… yeah,” he said softly. “I, uh, had a bit of a stressful day.” He felt… bad to be completely honest, though he’d been doing his best to shove it away and enjoy his night with Logan rather than dwelling on it.
“Can I do something to help?” Logan asked.
Patton noticed himself biting his lip once again and quickly forced himself to stop. “Maybe?” he said. He… had an idea of what would help, and he and his therapist had talked about it a couple of times. It was just… It just felt demanding. Logan was waiting though, watching him intently. “My therapist had a suggestion for when I’m stressed,” he admitted, quietly.
“Yes?” Logan prompted.
“Well, I like to cook. You know that, but sometimes when I’m stressed, cooking helps me feel better, but I… well… I usually don’t because it means making a lot of dirty dishes. I know when I’m stressed, I’ll have trouble cleaning up and that it’ll stress me out more. So, I was wondering, well, my therapist has suggested, maybe you’d be willing to help?”
“Help?”
“You don’t have to,” Patton assured. “But you sometimes like cleaning, or at least don’t mind it. So, maybe I could cook something for both of us to eat… and you can clean up?”
“Of course,” Logan said instantly, which soothed some of Patton’s nervousness over asking that of him.
Patton smiled. “Thanks,” he said. “I know we have the stuff for meatloaf and lasagna. Have any preferences?”
“I don’t have a strong opinion, but perhaps the lasagna.”
“Okay,” Patton said. “Is now okay, or are you busy?”
“The only thing I’m doing is spending time with you right now,” he said, patting Patton’s knee. Patton leaned forward to kiss him in thanks and rose from the couch. Logan followed him into the kitchen.
It was… awkward at first for some reason, though why was hard for Patton to pinpoint. It was not as though it was the first time Patton had cooked in Logan’s apartment, nor was it even the first time he’d cooked with Logan watching him. They’d had cooking lessons just last week that had quickly deteriorated as Logan distracted him with kisses until he’d overcooked four quesadillas. Yet, there was something about Patton having asked something of him that hung over their heads. Or at least, over Patton’s head. Logan didn’t seem particularly uncomfortable, leaning against the counter and watching him get everything he needed out of the fridge.
Patton shook off his unease. Logan wanted to do this. He’d agreed and he hadn’t even hesitated. He still felt a little odd while he started to cook the ground beef and chop up some bell peppers.
“Could…” Patton said when the meat was finished cooking.
“Yes?”
“Could you maybe get a bowl to put the meat in so I can cook the veggies in the same pan?”
“Of course,” Logan agreed, moving to do so. He grabbed one out of the cabinet and transferred the meat to the bowl before setting it next to Patton’s cutting board, and the pan back on the stove.
“Thanks,” Patton said. He finished chopping the onion and put it, the bell peppers, and the garlic he’d prepared into the pan so he could start to cook them.
Logan leaned against the counter next to him and smiled at him.
“What?” Patton asked, a bit suspiciously. He recognized that look on his face.
“I was wondering if me distracting you while you are cooking would help with your stress,” he said.
“I…” Patton said. Logan’s ‘distractions’ usually ended up with burnt, spilled, or messily made food and them giggling up a storm, but today... Today, Patton honestly didn’t know if he could handle ruining this dish. “Maybe not tonight, sorry.”
“There’s no need to apologize,” Logan said. He leaned forward to kiss the top of Patton’s head and then took the cutting board and knife Patton had been using to chop up vegetables to wash them in the sink. For some reason, that interaction made Patton’s chest warm. He went back to cooking the vegetables with a smile on his face.
Things went smoothly from then on, and Patton managed to finish cooking the vegetables and made the sauce. “Would you mind getting the parmesan, ricotta, and mozzarella cheese as well as an egg out of the fridge when you’re done?” It didn’t feel nearly as weird to ask him for that sort of thing this time.
“Sure,” he replied. He was already putting away the dishes Patton had finished with away and had wiped down the kitchen counters where he’d spilled. Other than the dishes he was currently using, the kitchen was spotless. It felt so much better than if Patton had tried to do this alone. Logan grabbed the cheese out of the refrigerator and set it next to Patton on the counter.
“Thanks. Want to taste the sauce?” Patton offered.
“I would.” Patton grabbed a spoon out of the drawer next to him and scooped up a bit of the sauce to offer it to him.
“It’s very good,” Logan complimented. “You’re a very good cook.” Patton smiled at him warmly and Logan smiled back, reaching up to touch Patton’s cheek. “I should complement your cooking more.” He said it like he was making a mental note to himself, like he was putting a pin in that thought on the corkboard that was in his mind. Patton felt like he had butterflies in his stomach.
“I, uh,” Patton said, turning back to stir the sauce and then reach for the cheese and egg. “I never really got complimented on my cooking when I was younger.”
Logan cocked his head. “There is more you want to say,” he said.
Patton sighed. “Yeah…” Logan waited while Patton gathered himself. He started to make the cheese mixture idly as he talked and then started assembling the lasagna in the pan. The motions made it easier for the words to come. “Well, I cooked a lot if I was at my grandma’s or dad’s house, but grandma wasn’t all there most of the time. She didn’t even notice I cooked for her really. Sometimes she’d yell at me thinking I was my dead grandpa if I messed up, but other than that, I think she thought she was the one cooking most of the time. With dad, he always wanted me to cook since he couldn’t, but never wanted to acknowledge that I’d done it. He even sometimes would get sort of mad if he caught me doing it. It went against the image he had for his child in his head, I think.”
“That’s unfathomably ignorant,” Logan said with no hesitation. Patton snorted. “I know I should not be distracting you,” he said, “but would you like a hug?”
“I would love a hug, sweetie.”
Logan’s arms wrapped around him from behind and he set his chin on Patton’s shoulder as he squeezed him.
“Hmm,” Patton hummed. “Now that makes me feel even better than the cooking.”
“I’m glad,” Logan replied.
“If you let me put this in the oven and set a timer,” Patton said. “I may be up to letting you distract me a little bit. If you’re interested.”
Logan chuckled and took the pans Patton had been using to the sink. “Of course, dear.”