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Flickers, it blinks. Never fading, never ending. The light that never leaves. The light that has found itself to be a foundation for Kurapika's state of mind. The only blessing showing through the darkness..through the trembling rage underneath fingertips. Eyes focus and stare, brief regret flashes by and he shakes it away. This is his calling, and to make ends meet, loneliness is his only answer.
Another flicker.
Another flashing reminder of a hand outstretched, calling.
Calling...
It stops, his thumb moves and his ears listen in on the voice begging from the other end. As it does every day. But something feels off, feels different. And he knows the answer.
Leorio has had a few drinks, by the way his voice slurs on the other end. He hates it, how he's causing him pain. But he cannot, and will not drag Leorio down with him. This pain would be temporary and nothing compared to when eventually...eventually...Kurapika's hand squeezes the phone. Leorio's voice naturally drowning out with it.
“Kura...pika..you doin' okay? Eating? Prob not...Can I see you? Will I see you? I miss you..we all miss you.” A hiccup. Kurapika heaves a heavy sigh, those haunting eyes softening for the briefest of moments. How many times has he sat in the dark and allowed those gentle words to fill the room? And they always ended up gentle. At first it might start as an annoyed temper, but he knew Leorio at his core.
It was a sweetness that could fill the cavity in Kurapika's heart.
For this reason Kurapika always kept at least one message left unread, untouched. A voicemail, a text, just so his phone flashed and his eyes held that in some feeble attempt for grounding. Without it, he had nothing to fall back on in his worst moments. No one to clear the air that fogged his mind and tightened his chest as he forewent sleep for days until his body gave way. The nightmares always returned, but that light would find its way across his eyelids and act as a band-aid to keep him safe. Kurapika is not alone, he simply chooses to be. To keep them safe.
Yet it is this night of all night's that feels so long, and he wishes for it to end. So that the temptations to grab that hand reaching for him cut short.
But that hand is warm, and that voice is like a pair of open arms ready to envelop into a hug.
The clock reads 3:36 AM.
The phone rings at 3:36 AM.
Caller ID, Leorio.
His chest swells with an emotion he tries to deny, tries to neglect and ignore. Force it down. Don't hurt him. But his thumbs betray him, his heart betrays him. Within seconds the call is answered and a surprised voice enters the room.
“Kurapika?” Leorio is hesitant, confused. But then that slight agitation enters out of concern. “Why the HELL are you awake? You choose NOW to answer me?? Go the hell to sleep!” Kurapika doesn't speak in response. In the end, all it was he needed was Leorio. A voice that reached him past the hazes of his own reasoning. Past his own poor excuse of coping with hatred and grief. Trauma. The way his hands are shaking is different from the rage that consumes. This is fragile. A scale tipped too far until the crashing relief smashed away the boulder settled on shoulders. A smile travels, and teases at the corners of Kurapika's lips.
“Leorio.” is all he responds with, quiet and sure of himself. It causes Leorio's words to swallow in retreat down his throat with whatever he wanted to retort back with. That's usually Kurapika's role to initiate in their playful banter.
But, he forces some reply. Even if it may just be his name in return, a soft 'Kurapika', low and gentle filled with the warmth that pooled in his gut as he thought of the beautiful blonde.
“..I want to see you, Kurapika. I need to see you.”
“I don't think seeing a specific person is a need, Leorio..” He had some of his usual character, even if it holds a sadness that Leorio cannot relate to on quite the same level. But he's so close to wavering, so close to giving into what he feels for once in that moment an exception to his RAGE.
Silence.
Time ticks away between them, eats away at the minutes of tense yet comforting quiet. And in those seconds, as the clock turns its head, Leorio doubts and begins to lose the little courage he had in speaking up. He wavers, if only for a moment.
Now, Leorio is not an...overly- religious person. He has faith, prays and hopes with it in mind only in short comings.. Most of the time as of recent, in reference to his friends..always his friends. Never ever was it for himself. It was like his heart would never allow such a thing.
But when he hears that sigh, fragile but open and inviting, there's a hope blossoming.
One that he has refused, and denied each time he called Kurapika in the last year.
Kurapika almost shakes as he speaks. His hand is clutching the casing of his phone. Should he be selfish enough to give in to such wants? To allow that little bit of happiness.
As his lips part, and voice breaks the air...sound trembles. He is breaking wide open.The pieces falling before Leorio with the hope that he can help glue what is left back together. “Leorio....I am the one who needs to see you.”