Chapter Text
Dead Giveaway
1: Gone
Emma thought she was awake. She had been staring at the ceiling for a couple hours, moonlight filtering in the bedroom through the vertical blinds, cutting through the darkness. It was almost beckoning, but she refused the call. She had to stay where she was. Regina gave up everything for her to have this, so she could not throw it all away. Maybe that’s why it’s like this. Regina’s on my mind. But, Regina was always on her mind, and in her heart.
Killian snored next to Emma, asleep on his back, blanket rumpled about his chest. She could hear the noise loud and clear, so she had to be awake. But, she was also sure she was currently staring at Regina. She had to be asleep.
The moonlight from the window formed into Regina, like she was an angel. But, that was not the case, no. Regina was being punished for all eternity in Hell. A soul for a soul. Hades took Regina in exchange for Killian. Took Henry’s stability in exchange for Killian. Took a part of Emma in exchange for Killian. Emma would never say it aloud, but the price was too high.
“Regina…” Emma reached out a hand, just wanting to touch her again. Leaning forward, she put a hand out and Regina flickered away, like mist. Emma whimpered. Regina was gone.
Eventually, the moonlight gave way to sunlight as dawn broke. There was color to the world, but it all looked a dull shade of gray to Emma. She got out of bed, feeling worse for wear, as she did every single day since they had come home from the underworld. Muscles were tired and ached with even the subtlest of movement. The cold air hit her bare legs thanks to her sleep shorts, but somehow, she felt colder inside. Warmth was gone. Color was gone. Light was gone. Regina was gone.
She shuffled her feet, exiting the bedroom while trying not to think about the look on Regina’s face as Hades decided to take her in exchange for Hook. It was like standing at the town line again and Pan’s curse was on its way, but they did not even have time for a goodbye. Hades did not even let them say goodbye. Did not give them a chance. Did not give her a choice.
Would I have left Killian if I knew it’d cost me Regina? If I knew it’d cost Henry his mother? Part of her felt like she would never know, but another part of her did know. That’s why you ask because you know the answer and you wish you didn’t.
Her eyes drifted down the dark hall. Henry’s room sat empty at the end, door shut to hide the fact that there was nothing in it. She had not considered what he wanted when she was the Dark One and he did not seem to put in a rush to fill it with anything right now. He had spent the night with his grandparents. They had been back for almost two weeks and she was not sure if Henry had spent two days in her house. And not much more time with you, but why should he spend time with you? You got his mother killed.
Shaking that off, she went to make some breakfast. She had work to get to, even though that was on shaky ground as well. The townsfolk eyed her differently now, whether it was because she was the Dark One for a while or because she had gone to Hell with Regina and returned with Killian, she did not know.
As she scrambled some eggs, she felt arms wrap around her. At first she thought it was Killian, but they felt too small, almost delicate. Regina! Her heart thumped in her chest as she spun around. No one was there. Her heart dropped.
“She’s not coming back. She’s gone,” Emma said aloud for the millionth time, hoping she could believe those words this time around. They had to stick eventually, right? Two weeks and she still saw Regina everywhere. There was a hollowness in her, which grew each time she imagined Regina.
“Morning, love,” Killian said as he entered the kitchen just as she finished breakfast. He had a talent for showing up as soon as the food was done. Emma tried not to let it bother her. She had done the worst to him, so she did not have a right to be annoyed with him. Besides, she would not let Regina’s sacrifice be in vain.
“Morning.” She presented her cheek to him as he came close, but he kissed her lips. It was cold, but fine. It all had to be fine.
She expected a simple peck and retreated after a second. But, Killian pressed forward and flicked her lips with his tongue. She almost shuddered, but managed to suppress it. You’re good at that. She held in a groan and sidestepped him.
“Maybe put the coffee on.” She went to put their plates on the table, getting away from him as best she could.
Killian snorted and waved the suggestion off with his hook. Amazing how he always put the hook on every morning, but never a shirt. “I don’t know how to use that damned contraption.”
She blew out a breath, unable to hold in her annoyance. “It’s only been two weeks.” And that was not counting the time he spent in Storybrooke before the whole “Dark One” thing. Yeah, and you made him the Dark One, the thing he hated the most, so stop being bothered by that. And while you’re being rational try not to be pissed your boyfriend’s not wearing a shirt. You should appreciate his abs and hairy chest. Blah.
He stepped behind her, pressing his boxer-clad pelvis against her ass. Thankfully, she had on sweat shorts. Layers between her and Killian had become appreciated. The same with space. He kissed her neck and she moved, sitting down to eat. He frowned and sat opposite of her.
“Love, we have the house to ourselves since the lad went to stay with your parents. Maybe we could…” He gave her a look meant to seduce, but it made her skin crawl. How the hell did I ever find that attractive?
“I have work,” Emma replied as she shoved eggs onto her toast to eat them together. She saved half of the eggs to eat with her sausage patties.
His eyes went dark as a frown conquered his face. “You don’t really have a job. We both know the town isn’t happy to see you with that badge on your belt.”
Why the hell would he say that? It was like when he was the Dark One and took shots at her. She glanced over it. Regina was her price for this, so she had to make it work. “They’ll accept it.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Will they?”
“Why wouldn’t they? It’s not like they can save themselves, especially from themselves, especially without Regina around.” Storybrooke needed a babysitter and she would take that role now that Regina was gone. She knew how thankless the job could be, but someone had to do it. She owed it to Regina.
His frown deepened. “You really think these people are missing the Evil Queen? You just refuse to accept we’re all better off.”
She glared at him. How dare he! “She gave her soul for you.”
He held up a finger. “No. Hades took her soul. She didn’t step up and offer herself up. He decided to take her.”
“She came down there with me to rescue you.” Why the hell can’t he be more grateful? Regina was gone.
“Then she knew the risks.”
Emma’s nostrils flared, but she did not say anything. She ate the feeling. He was there thanks to Regina. She had to appreciate what she had to honor Regina. He was there and Regina was gone.
She devoured breakfast without tasting it. She went upstairs to get dressed, ignoring Killian as he called her name. Her heart beat as if it was about to cave in on itself and her stomach felt like it dissolved itself rather than her food. She needed to be away.
Her flannel shirts and jeans now felt like armor. The same with her boots. It kept villains at bay. It kept eyes off of her. No one could see she was bare, stripped, red, and raw. There were days when wind blew through her and she swore she could hear a whistle. She was that hollow.
Killian waited for her at the door. “I’ll come see you at the station soon.”
She grunted. She had already told him that was not professional, but that never stopped him. In his words, “Who will stop me, Emma?” He had a point. The townsfolk walked on eggshells around him. He had been a Dark One and had come back from Hell. No one knew what he might be now, what he might be capable of, or what powers he might have. The same could be said of you.
Emma wanted to say she was the same, but that was a huge lie. She would never be the same. Regina was gone. And whose fault is that? Whose fault was all of this actually?
“Have a good day.” He smirked before kissing her.
Emma tried to hold in a shiver, but it was impossible. She grabbed her coat and rushed out of the house. She could not be sure, but she thought she heard him laugh. Of course, it could be the voices in her head from being the Dark One, which she still heard, but did her best to ignore. But, she felt like Killian enjoyed not just Regina being gone, but what her absence did to Emma. She shook that thought away.
She shoved her hands in her pockets to grab her keys. She got in the bug and a knot in her stomach unwound itself as she put distance between her and the house. But, there was still an ache in her ribs and the acid in her blood that burned every inch of her. She ignored it as she made her way to the Sheriff’s station. Her father walked in at the same time as she did.
“Good morning,” David said with a smile. He was bundled up in his coat with two cups of coffee. He handed one to her.
“That’s an assumption,” Emma replied as she accepted the coffee.
He blinked. “Excuse me?
“You’re making an assumption that it’s a good morning,” she said. It had not been a good morning in a long while.
“Huh?” He flopped down at his desk.
She shook her head. “Never mind. How was it getting Henry to school?” She had to be the responsible one now. She had to make sure Henry did all those kid things now and she had to do the mothering.
David shrugged as he gulped down some coffee. “He said he wanted to walk.”
She frowned as she sat down at another desk and sipped her coffee. She heard that before. If she opted to believe it, she would get a phone call in a couple of hours saying Henry did not show up at school. And then the phone went off, but it was not her cell phone. She and David looked around for a moment before remembering the sheriff station had a phone. David was closer and answered. He made a few grunting noises.
“We’ll be right there.” He hung up the phone. “People panicking over movement in Regina’s house.”
The first couple of times this happened, Emma’s heart jumped with hope. But, she had learned better, so her heart sank. Regina was not home. Henry was.
“I’ll be back,” Emma said, already heading for the door.
She drove to the mansion on Mifflin Street, parking in front. The Benz was in the driveway, covered in derogatory terms in spray paint and all of the windows broken out. Henry probably saw and he did not need to see it.
The people who defaced Regina’s car did not have the nerve to do it to her house. No one dared go inside. It seemed they held the same thoughts as Emma — that one day Regina would just appear inside — but, it was fear for some. Emma wished on every star she saw for that and nothing. Magic sucked.
Emma walked up the path to the door. The grass was overgrown, but other than that, the place appeared to be waiting for Regina to come back. Regina could fix her car with magic, but stuff in the house might be different and no one wanted to risk that, so no one trashed anything about the house.
“Henry?” Emma called as she stepped inside. The fact that it was unlocked betrayed Henry more than anything else. Dust hung in stale air, but somehow there was still a whiff of apples about the place. Regina might have had a stash of cider hidden somewhere.
Henry did not answer. Emma would have to explore. Henry was never in the same place when he came here. He probably wandered from room to room, searching for normal, seeking home. But, home was gone. They would have to find a new normal and make a new home. Somehow fitting Killian into those already impossible tasks.
She discovered Henry standing in the doorway of Regina’s bedroom. She stepped behind him and gazed into the room. Even more dust floated through the air, visible in the threads of sunlight that poured into the room through open curtains. The room appeared to be waiting for Regina to come back. Nothing was out of place. Even the damn bed was made.
“Henry.” She put her hand up, ready to place it on his shoulder, but she hesitated. He did not like her touching him and it had nothing to do with the fact that she used to be the Dark One. He often dodged her or shrugged her off. After a week of that, she stopped trying, even though he clearly needed the contact. She had to chance it now. Her son was in pain. She needed to be there. She put her hand on his shoulder.
He sucked his teeth and shrugged her off. He turned, going back down the hall while her heart shattered in her chest. He blamed her for Regina being gone, rightfully so. Regina went to the Underworld for her. That was no secret. After all, Regina did not give a rat’s ass about Killian. She went to Hell for Emma and she did not come back. Emma had failed to protect her, failed to have her back, and then returned with Killian. He was not a substitute for Regina to their son. He was not a replacement for Regina.
“Henry!” Emma chased after him. They had lost Regina. She could not lose Henry, too. “Henry!” She jumped down the stairs to catch him. She grabbed his hand as he reached for the doorknob. Her heart pounded in her ears and each breath she took sounded like a loud rattle.
“Let me go!” Henry tried to yank his hand back, but she refused to let go. With his other hand on the doorknob, he tried to use it as leverage to pull away, but to no avail.
Emma pulled Henry to him and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m not letting you go. I’m not letting you go. I’ll never let you go.” It was a plea and a promise all in one. She could not lose him, too. She would not survive him leaving her.
Henry buried his face in her chest and let out an ungodly wail. Emma just held him tight as he sobbed against her. There were no words she could say. No, that was not true. There were two.
“I’m sorry,” she said. Henry just cried and she apologized over and over like a prayer.
Emma was not sure when or how, but they ended up sitting on the front porch. They leaned against each other and his weight against her made breathing a little easier. There was a crisp chill hanging around, but Emma felt a little warm for the first time in a long time.
“I’m so sorry, Henry,” she said again. She lost count of how many times she said it.
“I don’t blame you,” Henry replied with a sniffle.
“I blame me,” she said. Everything came back to her. All of this nonsense was her fault, her impulsive, not-thinking-things-through fault.
He wiped his eyes. “You shouldn’t. No matter what, she would’ve done that.”
Emma blinked and looked at him with a tilt of her head. “What? You think so?” That did not sound right to her.
“She wants you to be happy as much as you want her to be. You took on the Darkness to save her and her happiness. Do you really think she wouldn’t have volunteered to go with Hades? She would’ve offered herself up for your happiness as much as you did for hers.”
Emma frowned, even though that made sense. He did not take one thing into account, though. “She wouldn’t just leave you.”
“She trusts you with me.” He spoke like Regina was still alive, just away from them, like she could come back. Why shouldn’t he think that? Killian came back.
“This much?” Emma looked around. Regina trusted Henry with her for the rest of his life?
“I think so. But, it sucks that she’s gone and I’m so goddamn angry.” He growled and made a fist. His breath hung in the air. It was colder than she realized, but he was bundled up good. All of the good habits Regina taught him remained intact while he seemed to have inherited her running away.
Emma gulped. There was not much left in her thanks to this whole mess, but what was there was ready to become ash. “With me?”
He shook his head. “With everything! She shouldn’t be gone! We should be a family. Instead, she’s gone and I missed so much time with her and we didn’t… we didn’t…” He sniffed and began crying again.
She wrapped her arms around him again and he wept into her shoulder. She did not want him to do that too long or his tears might freeze to his face out here. She helped him up and walked him to the car. It would be better for him to cry in a warm space. She still held him, even though it was a little awkward between the driver seat and passenger seat.
Henry had a right to be angry, furious really. He lost his mother… because of his mother…and her boyfriend. How messed up was this? The fact that Henry could even move showed how strong he was. He had gone through so much the past few years and had so little to show for it personally. Yes, he saved the town, but at what cost? His mother, stability, and any chance of escaping childhood unscathed. The town did not even acknowledge his loss.
“Wanna go get some junk food?” Because day drinking was frowned upon for adult sheriffs and doubly so for their underaged sons.
Henry only nodded. It was not what he wanted or needed, but it was the best she could do. She drove them to Granny’s and they ignored stares as they entered. There was an empty table in the corner, which was for the best. People moved out of their way as they went to sit down. They both ignored stares. Henry put his head down as soon as they sat down. Now, there were whispers, but she focused on poor Henry rather than the words. She rubbed the top of his head. He did not move. Ruby stepped over to them.
“What can I get you guys?” Ruby asked. She was the only person who dared to get within arm’s length of them.
“Do you serve ice cream this early?” Emma could go for a sundae.
Ruby glanced at Henry the blob. “I got you guys.”
“Thanks.”
Ruby rushed away and Emma turned her attention to the hurt boy across from her. She was not sure what to say to him. He had a right to be upset, mad at the world. All of this was unfair to him and she hated it.
She should not be trusted with Henry. He needed so much more than she could ever offer. Maybe that was why he spent time with his grandparents. I suck at this parenting more than them. That’s fuck-up talent right there. She blew out a breath and rubbed her forehead. Regina shouldn’t have gone, shouldn’t have left me with him. None of this was right.
“Are you okay?” Henry asked, head poked up from the table.
Emma shrugged. “As okay as I can be all things considered.”
He sat up and looked her in the face, studying her for a long moment. “You’re happy, right? I mean, with Hook.” He always said “Hook” never Killian. Despite them sort of living in the same house, the man would always be Hook to Henry, just like he had always been to Regina.
Emma was not sure how to respond to that. How could she be happy without Regina? It felt impossible. How could she feel happy when Henry was upset? It was impossible. This whole situation was impossible, but happening just the same. It was easier to find out she was the Savior than it was to deal with the hole in her soul.
“You have the love of your life. True Love, according to Grams,” Henry said, as if he could not stand her not answering.
Was it true love? She did not even want Killian to touch her now. Lying next to him felt wrong. This whole thing was wrong.
Henry’s brow furrowed and he stared at the table as if trying to burn a hole in it. “It’s good you have love. And it’s good Mom got to love before she left.” She did not leave. Regina was taken, stolen, and gone.
“That is good.” It was nice Regina had a soulmate and got to learn she was worthy of love. “It was good she found Robin.”
Henry’s face scrunched up even more. He stared at her and opened his mouth, but did not say anything. He closed his mouth and sat back, but continued to eye her like trying to figure her out. She was not sure what to make of it, like so many things with him now. He needs his mom!
Before Emma could open her mouth, not that she knew what to say, Ruby was back. She put a cookies and cream sundae in front of Emma, which had whipped cream, cookie crumbs, and chocolate sprinkles. Henry got chocolate and vanilla with hot fudge, whipped cream, and rainbow sprinkles. Happiness sat before them, melting in a bowl, and Henry looked one wrong word away from flipping the table. Honestly, Emma felt a wrong word would get her to throw a chair through the window or break down sobbing. This was too much.
“You two okay?” Ruby asked, glancing between them.
“Just trying to keep going,” Emma replied, which Henry did not need to hear, but it was too much effort to lie.
“Sounds like the town.” Ruby glanced around. The diner had people in it, busy doing nothing. Much of the town was busy doing nothing. Without Regina to make sure stuff got done, things were slowly trickling to a halt. Snow was in charge again and everyone swore any day now she would figure out how to take them home. Idiots. Useless idiots.
“The town didn’t lose anything, though,” Henry said.
Emma scoffed. “Not that they realized.” She shook her head. Give it a month without regular garbage pickup and we’ll see.
“Sad thing is, she kept us alive that year in the Enchanted Forest,” Ruby said.
Henry scoffed now. “That doesn’t matter. Look how they treat Ma.”
Ruby’s face fell. “Yeah, sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” Emma said.
Ruby nodded and patted Emma on the shoulder. She was one of the few people in town who would touch Emma. Emma did not care to be touched by lots of people anyway. The thing that tore her apart was how selfish everyone was. Emma was a hero when she was useful to them, but when she needed them, they cowered away. The same way they acted with Regina, apparently.
Ruby went back to work. Emma and Henry picked up their spoons at the same time. They played around in the ice cream for a few seconds before the bell above the door opened. Killian walked in. Eyes went wide and people huddled in closer to their tables. She could almost feel the anxiety.
“Swan, love, there you are!” He threw up his hands and walked over to the table, ignoring people fleeing the diner behind him. He yanked a chair to him and pulled up to their table. He smirked at Emma. “Love, if you weren’t going to work and you could’ve stayed in bed longer.”
Henry cleared his throat while Emma scowled and motioned to Henry across the table. “Killian!” The whispers in her head hissed. Don’t let him send Henry away. Show him what you could do. She ignored those thoughts, knowing what they wanted from her.
Killian chuckled. “Sorry, lad. Shouldn’t you be off at school or whatever?” He waved Henry away.
“You know what, I think I will.” Henry stood.
“Henry!” Emma reached across the table for him, but stopped herself. What kind of mother would she be if she made her son stay somewhere he was uncomfortable, with the living, breathing reminder that his mother was gone? Beyond that, who was she to stop him when she was about to follow him out the door? “You need any money for lunch?” she opted to ask.
“I’m good. I’ll see you later.” And with that, Henry was gone, probably not to school. He did not even have a book bag with him. She just hoped he turned up later. Is this how Regina felt when he cut school with me? She was not sure it mattered, but it felt like it did. It was like a hot spike in her chest, searing dead flesh and making it hurt to breathe even more.
Emma sat back down and tried not to look at Killian. Shouldn’t you look at him, though? He cost you Regina. You mean, he cost Henry Regina. Regina was not hers, had never been hers. No, Killian was hers and she needed to make the most of it. With a sigh, she looked at him.
Killian chuckled. “Don’t look so happy to see me, love.”
“I was trying to spend time with my son,” Emma replied. The murmurs in her brain wanted to punish him from sending Henry away, but she focused on her own anger and despair rather than what those voices went on about.
He waved it off, with his hook. It was like he was displaying the damn thing. “He’ll be fine. Spend some time with me.”
He put his hand on her knee and gazed into her eyes. It took all of her willpower not to flinch away. She did move her knee away from him. He frowned.
“Don’t forget, Swan, you wanted me here,” he said.
She scowled right back. “Did I ever say otherwise?”
“Then why resist? We have a second chance and you’re acting like it’s a prison sentence.”
Does he have no empathy at all? “My best friend just died and my son lost his mother.”
He scoffed. “You’re both better off.”
She jumped up and glared at him. Outside power lines popped and sparks flew and people screamed while running for cover. She did not give a damn. “The hell did you say?”
He did not look bothered by any of it. “Let’s be serious, love, Regina has only been trouble. She wasn’t a team player in Neverland, her sister tried to kill us to get to her, she’s the reason you became the Dark One, and you’ve been raising Henry just fine without her for a year.”
Emma could feel her blood pressure erupting. She would not have been surprised if her head popped off of her shoulders. “The woman fucking died for you, traded her life for yours. Show some damn respect.” A transformer outside blew up.
“Respect?” He climbed to his feet, like he could intimidate her by staring her down. “The bitch tried to get over in life every chance she got, doing whatever she wanted like there weren’t consequences. She was no angel and I’m no fool. She didn’t give up a damn thing for me.” His eyes bore into her.
Emma snarled and then realized how quiet the diner was. It was quiet because it was empty. Everyone was gone, except for Ruby, who watched them from the end of the counter. Ruby nodded to Killian, as if she wanted to know if she should hurt him. She never would have done that with Regina. Emma put up a finger to halt her.
“You know what, I don’t have time for this.” Emma went in her pocket and pulled out her wallet. She dropped a twenty on the table for melted ice cream. “I have work. Maybe you should look into finding some of that.” She marched to the door.
He scoffed. “Why? You owe me.”
“Ha!” And with that, she left.
She fixed the mess she caused outside, putting out literal fires in a few cases, and making sure no one was hurt. People flinched when she approached, but she did not care. She set off back to work after that was taken care of. On her way to the station, she got a phone call from Henry’s school. Of course he did not make it there. She would go look for him later. He probably needed the time alone.
Emma dropped into the first empty seat at a desk that she passed. David was at the desk across from her, smiling at his phone. The baby probably did something cute.
“You okay over there?” David asked.
“I’m okay. How’s the family?” she replied and held in a wince as she felt her heart actually crack. She could picture how the organ looked, like lake ice about to break open.
He smiled. “Good. Snow just sent a picture of Neal holding some documents.” He yelped. “Oh, he drooled all over them according to her.”
Emma wanted to smile, but tears burned underneath her eyes. Why did all of that statement and simple affection hurt so much? Snow was acting mayor and she took baby Neal with her to work, still too scared to let her baby out of her sight for even a second. Then she got to go home to a husband who adored her and they got to be the All-American family, even though they were from a damn fairy tale world. They probably did not think about their daughter across town, convinced she was with her True Love, even as her son dodged her every chance he got in every way possible.
What family did Emma have at the end of the day? David and Snow seemed to dismiss her in favor of their new baby. Henry was ready to vanish to escape all of this. And she did not want to admit it, but knew it to be true, she liked Killian less and less as each day passed. It was almost obvious he felt the same, reveling in showing disdain for her disguised as desire.
Piled onto that, watching Snow do Regina’s job did not sit well in Emma’s stomach. While Snow was no Regina in being mayor, she was not completely awful and she got so much damn support, so it was impossible for her to mess up too much. There were times, in dark moments, Emma wanted to see her fail. Emma’s life was constantly crashing down around her, every single moment, no matter what she did without effort and it was very rare for someone to come help. Meanwhile, Snow’s life just fell into place with people constantly running to her side to assist her in whatever she needed. I can see how it drove Regina crazy.
Emma thought by now she would be used to her life turning to shit right before her eyes, but no. This pain was new and constantly fresh, or festering. Her insides were rotting and destroying her every moment. Even her brain muttered poison to her, disintegrating who she was, and destroying anything she could be beyond a disaster. She was pissed at her mother for having a good life. She shot up from her seat.
“I need some air!” She rushed out of the station again.
She did not have a plan. She just wanted to escape before her thoughts crushed her. Being out in the open, cold air on her face, did not help, nor did running with no direction in mind. There was still pressure all around as her insides tore at themselves. And then there were the murmurs in her head, constant, consistent, and louder than ever before. She growled. “Fucking shut up!” That did not work. In fact, there were snickers in there as well now.
Emma gnashed her teeth and sweat rolled down her face. Somehow, in her wandering, she ended up at what was now the Mills family vault. Regina’s body now rested in between both parents. Hades had graced them with the body, only needing her soul. He had snatched it from her without warning, allowing them all to see Regina’s limp body drop. Regina had not even had a chance to finish a gasp, sound cut off before they realized what happened. It had taken them several long moments to realize what they witnessed because Regina was on the floor, but standing next to Hades as well. She might never forget the sound of Zelena’s horrified scream.
“Regina, I don’t…” Emma sniffled and threw her hands up. She did not even know what to say. “I don’t even know!” She slapped her hand against the stone. “Why the hell did it have to be you?” She sobbed. “Why wasn’t it me?” She pressed her forehead against the cold stone and wept long and hard. “Why wasn’t it me?” She beat her fist against the vault.
“I’m happy it wasn’t…”
Gasping, Emma looked around. “Regina?”
No one was there. She was just losing her mind and that was fine. Everything had crumbed in front of her, so her brain might as well do the same. Might save her some pain and suffering.
“Until the insanity kicks in completely, I should probably find my son,” she said with a sigh. And then maybe go back to work. Son was definitely priority number one, though.
Emma took one last look at the tomb and left. She went to Archie’s to run a check. Henry had been by earlier. Emma sighed and then looked at Doctor Hopper.
“I might be back. Think I’m going crazy,” she said. There was laughter in her head. “Okay, might be there already.”
He smiled. “I’m sure you’re doing fine.”
Oh, if only you knew. “And Henry? Is Henry doing fine?”
“As fine as he can be.”
That was not very reassuring. Shit, it should’ve been me! Regina would know how to handle it, know how to help Henry, and take care of him. Regina would know where the hell Henry was, too!
“Would you happen to know which way Henry went?” Emma asked. Unfortunately, Doctor Hopper had no idea. She left and continued on.
Henry actually was not that hard to find. Wandering, she found herself at the farmhouse. She knocked and Zelena opened the door, dressed in a warm green sweater and looking much saner than Emma felt. Zelena shook her head as she waved Emma in.
“You must have radar for your boy,” Zelena said as she motioned to the black leather sectional in her living room. She had updated her decor. Her living room had a few pictures and a television. It was like she was building a home. Good luck to her.
Henry was there with Robyn, holding her and making faces at her. Emma sat down on the other end of the couch. He glanced at her, but then kept his focus on Robyn. She was so little, like he held a loaf of bread wrapped in emerald blankets. Zelena came over with a beer for Emma.
“You could probably use that. Your face looks like it’s ready for the first stage of frostbite,” Zelena said.
“And a beer will help?” Emma asked. She had never heard of a cold beer keeping frostbite away.
Zelena shrugged as she sat close to Henry. “It’ll make you care a lot less when the end of your nose falls off.”
“Very true.” Emma wasted no time twisting off the cap and downing as much as she could without drowning. Probably not the best time to develop a drinking problem either. She watched Henry with Robyn and there was another crack in her heart. “Regina would’ve loved to have a niece.”
Zelena brushed back the baby’s hair. “Had she… Had he not taken her, I’m sure we’d still be enemies.”
Henry shook his head. “Mom liked kids. It’s how she ended up dating Robin Hood. Mom would’ve warmed you to her for this baby.” He made a face at Robyn, who made a gurgle noise. From the way he smiled, the sound was probably a laugh.
Zelena smiled and it was too sad for a new mom. It was like she understood what she lost. She had a little sister and the little sister was now dead. She had someone she should have protected, but did not, and that someone probably would have protected her if given the chance. Again, Zelena’s scream as Regina dropped echoed through Emma’s mind. She had to know what she lost. How? Emma had no idea, but Zelena had to be aware.
“How are you doing out here?” Emma asked, twirling the bottle neck to refer to the house.
“Henry visits. It’s nice,” Zelena replied.
“This is where you come instead of going to school?” Emma asked Henry.
He shrugged. “Yeah.” He glanced down at the baby. “And I come here before going to Grams’ place. It feels… it feels right to come here.” He glanced at Zelena.
It was good Henry had someone, even if that someone was Zelena. Zelena was subdued, seeming close to sane and she had not hurt Henry yet. She might have to thank Zelena.
“She fell asleep,” Henry said. And just like that, Robyn was asleep.
“You know where she goes.” Zelena nodded to the back.
Henry got up and walked off with the sleeping baby. He had been here a lot. Emma focused on Zelena and that scream echoed in her head once more.
“How are you doing?” Emma asked.
Zelena’s fingers fidgeted. “Henry visiting helps. He’s… good. I hope Robyn grows up like that. Gives me hope that I could do that with Robyn if Regina could do it with Henry while trying to protect her curse.”
Emma nodded and gulped down more beer, almost finishing the bottle already. “Why did this hit you so hard? I mean, you tried to erase her from existence.”
Zelena sighed. “I guess the theory and the practice are two different things. Besides, after all of that, she actually forgave me. I didn’t accept at the time, but while I was sitting in jail, Regina came to talk to me and she forgave me. She offered me sisterhood, which I now know was quite the gift.” She was silent for a long moment. “And I ran into my mother down there.”
Emma winced. “Cora?”
“No, not Cora.” Zelena swallowed. “My real mother, who raised me. We didn’t get to talk long, but she was happy I found my sister, had someone to love, someone to rely on since she was gone… and then Regina was gone. It aches.” She massaged the center of her chest.
“Yeah, it does.” Emma finished off the beer, putting the empty bottle on a coaster on the coffee table.
Zelena grabbed the bottle and walked it to the kitchen. She returned with another bottle. “Must be so much worse for you.”
Emma’s brow furrowed as she accepted the second beer. “Why?”
“Don’t bother, Aunt Zelena. She doesn’t get it,” Henry said as he came back, sans the baby.
Emma arched an eyebrow. “Don’t get what?”
Zelena studied her for a moment and then blinked. “Oh, wow.” She looked at Henry. “Did Regina even know?”
“Know what?” Emma looked back and forth between the two of them.
Henry shrugged as he sat down. “I imagine she had some idea since she went to the Underworld, but it’s hard to tell with them. They do stuff that we think we get why they did it and then they say something that doesn’t make sense with it. Or they say something that sounds like they get it and do something that doesn’t make sense.” He waved off whatever he was talking about and then glanced at a clock on the wall. “We should eat dinner.”
Zelena nodded. “I was thinking chicken and rice.”
“Wait, you eat dinner here, too?” Emma asked.
“We cook together. It helps,” Henry replied.
“Both of us,” Zelena said.
Emma did not know what to say to that, but whatever helped Henry. She stuck around, watched them cook, listened to them laugh together and debate on what to season the chicken with. She ate with them, saw smiles, and felt warmth. It was nice that Killian did not pop up at any time. Wait, what? No, you have to be happy with Killian.
“This is nice,” Henry said as the three of them sat at the table together.
“It is,” Emma replied. They never did this anymore. “I didn’t know either of you cook.” But, the chicken breast, pilaf rice, and black beans tasted good.
Henry chuckled. “It’s funny. Being in the kitchen with Aunt Zelena is like being in the kitchen with Mom. If cooking is an art, they’re both very similar artists. It’s nice. And it’s good to sit down with family again.” He cut into his chicken and took a bite.
Zelena smiled and ate some of her food as well. “It is good to sit with family again. It hurts a little less.”
And it did. For the first time in two weeks, it did not feel like there was tightened barbed wire around her chest, making it impossible to breathe. No, now she could take in some air. The voices in her head were quiet. Her fingers did not feel like they were about to break off from the cold. This was nice, even though they did not talk much. There was just something warm about sitting with them and eating.
“You guys cooked, so I’ll do dishes,” Emma stated, collecting their plates.
“No one will fight you on that,” Zelena said as she tipped her glass of wine to Emma.
Emma had no problem washing dishes. Zelena followed her to the kitchen, even though she did not want to do dishes. Maybe Zelena just wanted companionship. Emma could relate. She soaked the pots in the sink and scrapped the remnants of dinner into the trash before putting the plates in the sink.
“I forgot what it was like to have family,” Zelena said, wine glass still in hand.
“I’ve never had one,” Emma replied.
“I think you’re wrong there. My mother had to remind me and Henry’s been good for me. I’m sure he’s been good for you, too.”
Emma snorted. “I got his mom killed.”
“Hades killed his mom.”
“Because I asked for Killian back and he made this trade. I knew a trade was coming because they’re all about deals when magic is concerned, but I thought he’d take me. I deserved it. Regina didn’t. She didn’t have anything to do with this beyond supporting my crazy ideas.”
“Maybe he wanted to hurt you and taking you wouldn’t have done that.”
“Maybe.” Emma absently massaged the center of her chest for a second.
Zelena sipped her wine. “She wouldn’t have wanted it to be you any more than you wanted it to be her. I guess the difference is, she would’ve punched Hades.”
Emma laughed. “Yeah, she would’ve.”
“Henry was surprised you didn’t.”
Emma shook her head. She could not believe what she had witnessed. “I think I was in shock. Might still be.” It was madness. Part of her still could not believe Regina was dead.
“Maybe it’s not too late,” Zelena said.
Emma’s heart leaped to the point it hurt. “What?”
“I mean you did it once.”
“Yeah, and you see what happened.”
“Because you took a bloody party with you. Hell, even Henry came. I’m shocked Snow didn’t have her son strapped to her chest.”
That was true. “And what if he takes Killian again?”
Zelena scoffed and then there was a beat of silence. “Oh, right. He’s your bloody True Love or whatever.” She sneered and drank her wine.
“Even if he wasn’t, what happened was my fault.”
“You take the blame for a lot of things. Guess that’s why you’re a hero.”
“So, nothing bothers you?” Emma asked.
“Sweetie, I’m standing in my kitchen with you, lamenting the loss of a sister I never really knew, even though I stalked her entire adult life. It’s just I know life sucks.”
“I know that, too.”
“Yes, but you think life sucks because of you. It’s not your fault that life sucks. Life just sucks.”
Zelena would get no argument from her. Nothing ever fell into place for her and, from talks with Regina, the same was true for her. But, for a while, they had fallen into each other and things seemed good. Now, life was shit and Regina was gone.
“It’s like being cursed. And I feel like I passed it on to Henry. He lost his mother. I never had a mother, but I know what it’s like to lose a person who says she’s your mother. I imagine this shit is way worse than that,” Emma said.
Zelena tapped her glass. “It’s terrible. We’ve discussed.”
“How’s he taking it?”
More wine was sipped. “He’s not trying to destroy the world, so better than I did.”
“Is he mad at me?”
“No. Sad for you.”
Emma’s face shifted. “Sad for me?” Why should he be sad for her? He lost his mother. Yes, she lost her best friend, but Regina was his damn mother.
Zelena blinked and then looked at her like she was an idiot. “And completely understandable.” She patted Emma on the shoulder and turned to walk away.
“Do you… do you sometimes hear her voice?” Maybe it was just a symptom of missing Regina too much. If it happened to someone else, it would mean Emma was not crazy, just in grief.
“No. Do you?” Zelena turned with a craned eyebrow and she looked Emma up and down.
With a nod, Emma sighed. “I see her sometimes, too.”
“And that’s sadder still.” Zelena walked away.
Emma was not sure what that meant. She also had no idea as to why she was the only one to hear Regina. She probably should not tell anyone else she occasionally saw Regina, too. She finished up the dishes and goodbyes were said. Emma left with Henry into the cold night. They would have to walk home. Emma had no damn idea where her car was. Hopefully, it was at the station, but she felt like she was all over the world today.
“How are you feeling, Ma?” Henry asked, burrowed into his scarf.
“Better,” Emma answered, but tension already pricked at her insides.
“That’s good.”
“Henry, why are you sad for me?”
“A lot of reasons, but part of me is also relieved for you. This could be worse.”
Emma did not even want to imagine this being worse. She was losing her mind. Henry was drifting away from her and Regina was gone. The barbed wire was back in her chest.
“Are you coming home with me or should we walk to your grandparents?” Emma asked.
“Let’s go home.” The way he said it, he meant the house on Mifflin. If only. Maybe if it was just the two of them, they could, but she would never disrespect Regina’s memory by having Killian in that house.
“We can’t.” And it sucked.
“I know.” And that sucked, too.
They went back to Emma’s house, Killian looming in the doorway as if he had been waiting for them. He smirked as they walked in. Henry gave him a fierce glower before heading upstairs. Emma wanted to do the same, but Killian grabbed her wrist. She turned to glare at him and he smirked again.
“Yes,” Emma said through gritted teeth. The voices in her head started up the moment she saw him. Show him what you could do since he wants to stand in your way. Show him what your powers are like and you didn’t even have to go to Hell for them.
“Love, I’m starting to think you don’t want to spend time with me.”
“And I’m starting to think you want to torment me.” It was like he got pleasure from the pain she was in and he liked it, like he desired nothing more than to punish her and make this whole experience even worse. Make it worse for him echoed through her mind. She gritted her teeth and ignored the voices, trying to focus on Killian without ruining him.
He arched an eyebrow. “And why would I want to do that? I love you.”
Doubt had always been there, but she had blocked it out, wanting to fit in. Now, all she could feel was doubt toward him as the rest of her was full of grief, regret, and agony. It should not be that way. This was what she wanted, but it was nothing like what she wanted.
“I don’t think you know what love is,” Emma said. Talk to him in the only language he understands — pain. She was so sick of those voices in her head. They gave her a headache, even when they were not speaking, but now, every utterance from them made her teeth throb.
He yanked her close and ran a hand down her cheek. Maybe it was meant to be sexy, but it made her skin crawl. She stepped away from him. Destroy him! She wanted to, but she could not. No. Regina’s sacrifice could not be in vain.
“Why are you doing this? Revenge?” she asked, staring him down. Why did he want to hurt her so badly? Was it his own voices? Or just the way he was?
“Because I love you.”
“You keep saying that, but I don’t think you know what that means. You would know I need space if you loved me. You would support my son if you loved me. You would try to help me through this if you loved me.”
“Help you through what? Regina is dead. We’re all better off.”
And that was the rub. They were not better off. She, Henry, and Zelena were a mess and no one gave a damn. Regina went to fucking Hell with her to help get Killian back and he could not be bothered to spare some kind words. Regina had supported her simply because they always supported each other now and it got her killed and he did not give a damn.
“Funny, Regina didn’t say I was better off when you were dead,” Emma said.
“Because Regina’s a damn fool,” he replied.
The argument was broken with the sound of a door slamming. Henry was on the stairs again, storming down. He had a duffel bag on his shoulder.
“Going to Grams’ place. I’ll text when I get there,” Henry said and he was out the door.
“Wait, Henry!” Emma did not want him just wandering at night. And she wanted him around. She wanted to be there for him, but Killian made that impossible. How was she ever going to be a good mother if she could not be there for her son because of her boyfriend?
“It’s fine, Ma! Love you,” And he was gone.
Killian smiled, like he wanted Henry out of the house. “With the lad gone, maybe we can reconnect.”
She snarled at him. “I’d like to reconnect my knee with your groin right now, but I have some damn restraint, unlike you. Goodnight.” Emma tore away, going upstairs. There was an office space that she hid in. She was not sure why she made the office as the Dark Swan. Maybe it just seemed adult.
The office itself was made of dark woods and there were books lining the walls. It was almost a rip off of Regina’s office, but a mix of things she saw on television as well. Emma was not sure what the books were. She doubted she read ten books in her entire life, so what were these books? She examined one of the shelves. Dickens? She scratched her head. She could not name one Dickens story. Did I rob the library? That was kind of evil.
She sat at the leather chair behind the desk and kicked her feet up. There was liquor behind her. At least evil me thought of that.
The bottle emptied itself as far Emma knew. Of course, she also did not know she passed out until she woke up. She jumped up from the desk as she swore she heard someone call her name. Her heart leaped into her throat.
“Regina?” Emma scanned the room, certain it was her. It can’t be her. Regina’s dead. Regina was dead. She would have to learn to accept it. Regina was dead.
-8-8-8-8-
Next time: Emma tries to get it together and do something about what’s destroying her. (It’s also the end.)