Work Text:
Ze isn't sure why he accepted the late night shift.
The job listing is impressive, sure. More benefits than Ze has ever seen in this lifetime. Ze has never seen a company advertise their mental health care for workers before. But then Ze does some research and learns that no one else wants the job because a previous person with the job tried to commit suicide then quit about a month after the incident. And no one since has stayed with the job for more than a month. Despite that disturbing fact, the pay is higher than most other jobs if Ze is able to adjust to a night schedule.
Ze is apprehensive on his first real day. Training was fun. No one volunteered to train Ze during the night, and Ze certainly is not complaining about that. But now he's in the store alone. An hour passes and Ze already feels lonely. Ze understands why the guy before him couldn't handle life anymore if this loneliness is what he experienced everyday. Ze likes a balance between people and time alone, and for the first time in a while, the problem lies in Ze not being around people enough.
Ze is caught completely off guard when someone finally enters the store. Ze says the greeting he learned during his training and watches as the guy shops. The guy walks around, seemingly knowing the layout of the store better than Ze does. That's probably a good thing. Ze doesn't want to upset any customers who might get snappy with him because he doesn't know the entire store's layout yet. Even if Ze is unsure of his job, he knows he doesn't want to be fired.
The guy eventually comes up to the counter. Ze scans his items. Fumbles a few times. The guy doesn't really pay attention to Ze and instead takes out a notepad. Ze doesn't see what the guy is writing, and he knows better than to ask. As long as the customer isn't destroying or stealing product, Ze doesn't care what the customer does. Other than the notepad, the transaction is normal, although the guy has to swipe his card multiple times before it works. The guy pays and leaves. And Ze is left alone again.
The pattern continues as Ze attends work. The same guy is the only person to consistently enter the store, and other people rarely come in. The guy pulls out the same notepad every time he's at the checkout. Ze never questions it. He just does his job. Learns the layout of the store when no one is around and helps the people who do come in. And as soon as Ze gets used to his hours, he finds that he doesn't mind the late nights.
After all, Ze is already used to being alone.
~~~~~
Ze doesn't know how to feel about being required to attend mandatory therapy.
Providing coverage for payments to go to therapy is one thing. But requiring your employees to attend therapy sessions? That just sounds like a waste of money. It's just spending time out of your day doing something for your job because of what someone else has done. There's no goal in Ze's mind for these mandatory sessions. He's just required to go.
Ze's first session is just him talking about himself and the things he's done this life. It feels really awkward. Ze feels like he doesn't belong, like there's no reason for him to sit across that therapist and talk. But Ze wants to keep his job despite the terrible hours. Once Ze gets used to the swing of things, it'll be worth it. And so Ze finds things to talk about.
As the sessions continue, Ze realizes that he does have some issues to talk about. He just hasn't thought of them because they occurred lifetimes ago. As Ze thinks about his other lives, he realizes everyone has probably lived through at least one war. They've lost their soulmate a countless amount of times or they've faced discrimination for not having one. Maybe Ze's employers have a point.
Even if Ze's therapist is paid to talk to him, company is company. After readjusting his sleep schedule, Ze doesn't have the time to go out and befriend every nocturnal person in this life. Ze's evenings are taken up by these therapy sessions, his nights consumed by work, and his days are consumed by sleep. It's a pattern. Ze doesn't mind patterns.
Ze hopes the monotony of his life won't drive him insane.
~~~~~
Ze sees the moment he dies again.
He sees it in his dreams many times each lifetime. But it always takes a while, as if this particular dream needs to catch up with him each life. It seems that the peaceful sleep Ze had been experiencing will be no more in this life. Ze had been hoping that the dreams wouldn't come back this time. That they've disappeared for good. But Ze has no such luck. The world isn't kind enough for that.
The dream is the same every time. Ze is with the other members of the Creatures, the faction Ze was aligned with. They are about to enter battle against the Banana Men, a group of wizards led by a guy named SeaNanners who is as bonkers as his faction's name. The battle is supposed to be a simple skirmish. Take care of the enemy. Move on.
But then Ze looks at the people he's fighting against. And he notices one wizard in particular. Ze freezes as he realizes he recognizes the hat on the wizard's head. That red cap with a white C on it. This is Chilled Chaos. This world is pitting Ze against his own soulmate. Ze isn't prepared for this. But Ze doesn't have time to prepare. The battle starts before Ze can get over the shock of this realization.
Ze sees SeaNanners fire a spell that kills the guy next to Ze, Ze's best friend of this life called Gassy Mexican. And then SeaNanners stops shooting spells, which is odd, because that's not SeaNanners' usual modus operandi. Both sides freeze for a bit. But Chilled doesn't hesitate when everyone else does. Ze hears SeaNanners scream as Chilled casts the spell that ends Ze's life.
And then Ze wakes up.
~~~~~
Ze finds himself browsing the small businesses in the area.
Surely at this point, Chilled has set up some type of business by now. Ze hasn't found one owned by Chilled Chaos yet, but Ze looks anyway. Surely it exists out there somewhere. Perhaps fate has been kind to Ze and has situated Chilled far away from him. Perhaps fate knows that Chilled has taken a turn for the worse. Was Ze's death that day an idea for a novel, he asks. As if it never happened at all.
Ze's not sure why he looks for Chilled's small business every lifetime after he experiences the dreams again. Perhaps Ze is looking for which place to avoid. Or maybe he wants to know where someone he can yell at is. Or maybe Ze can forget his death and his nightmares to get his soulmate back. The very same soulmate who hurt him with his act. Quite honestly, the lying hurt more than the death. Funny how some laws can be so backwards sometimes.
Ze's not sure why he never finds Chilled's latest business either. Maybe Chilled is hiding them so Ze can't find him. Or maybe Ze subconsciously doesn't want to find out where Chilled went. Perhaps Ze isn't dedicated to the hunt. He just wants the memories of what once was. Ze misses the lives where his biggest worry was finding which grand idea Chilled has come up with. Ze certainly doesn't look as hard as he used to for Chilled's location.
Ze wonders if he'll ever be able to let go of this ghost of his past.
~~~~~
Ze tells his therapist about the return of his soulmate dream.
The dream had happened again one hour before Ze's session, so Ze brings up the dream because it is fresh on his mind. Then the therapist asks questions about Ze's soulmate and Ze wonders why he said anything about it at all. Talking about Chilled is painful. The bad memories hurt, and the good memories are scarred by the realization that no new ones will be formed.
But then again, the point of therapy is talking about painful things. And so Ze callouses himself. He talks about Chilled. Then he finds his callouses don't work. He cries. He lets out everything. It's as if Ze has stopped denying the source of his pain. Ze feels lonely, he's always been alone ever since Chilled lied to him and Ze couldn't handle it.
After explaining everything, it seems as if Ze has stumped his therapist. With every other topic Ze has talked about, his therapist has given a technique to deal with that issue or given Ze a new perspective on the situation that has allowed him to grow. But how do you cheer up or grow when your other half is now longer the light of your life? Ze has no idea, and his therapist has no idea either.
Ze wonders if confronting Chilled again is a good idea. If Ze knows why, maybe his life will make more sense. Maybe Ze will no longer wonder why he has to make a new friend to obtain company. Perhaps if Ze ends up lucky enough to run into his friends from other lives, that will change. But old friends might ask about Chilled. Or just a soulmate in general. And Ze would prefer to avoid that.
Ze wonders when answers to his questions will come.
~~~~~
Ze finds answers in the place he least expects them.
Usually work is always the same routine. Serve the guy who for some reason visits a grocery store every night along with anyone else who decides they need to buy something late at night. Restock shelves. Clean the place. Say nothing except the usual greetings and iterations with customers. Summoned up a fake smile from somewhere. But then, Ze experiences a diversion from the normal.
"Do you want to hear a funny story?"
Ze isn't sure how to respond to that. Ze's not in the mood to hear stories, but Ze's not sure this guy he sees everyday actually cares about the answer to that question. The guy holds up his notepad, waving it around instead of opening it like he usually does. Ze chooses not to respond and instead scans the guy's items as per usual. If the guy wants to talk, he'll talk, Ze reasons. Ze's not sure why the guy is breaking his usual routine right now.
"I never really introduced myself," the guy says. "Hi. My name is Corpse Husband. Don't know if you've heard of it. I've made quite the name for myself in my previous life, but that doesn't matter now. What's important right now is this life. See, I'm a psychologist's assistant. Her name's Valkyrae. But this story isn't about her. This story is about her coworker, Scarra. Have you heard of him?"
Ze shakes his head, still scanning items. He's never heard the name Scarra before. At least, he doesn't think so. But he may as well indulge this Corpse Husband. He doesn't have anything else to do.
"He's made quite the publication," Corpse says. "If you don't recognize the name, you probably haven't heard of the publication either. But that's fine. That's completely fine. Anyways, I was showing my coworker Scarra this notepad here. But he was doing scans on a subject of his, so he didn't really look at the notepad until he was done scanning."
Corpse opens the notepad and shows Ze the contents. It's a list of names and a number, with Ze's name on the very bottom. Ze's entry has 127 written next to it while the other numbers are quite smaller. Ze doesn't recognize the other names listed. AntVenom, PeteZahHutt, Zerkaa, Wildcat, Quackity. Corpse flops through the notepad, which shows other pages with more entries.
"I was keeping track of the new late shift workers," Corpse says. "Seeing how long each person would keep the job. I was going to show Scarra how much longer you've lasted, say that you're probably here for good. But this subject was there too. And, well, he kinda… recognized your name? Kinda freaked out about it. Which made Scarra freak out about it. Which freaked me out, because I didn't realize why they were freaking out at first."
Corpse pauses for a bit. Ze doesn't understand how people freaking out over his name makes for a funny story. Maybe Corpse simply has a dead sense of humor.
"Maybe I should explain the publication," Corpse says. "It puts everything in perspective. Funnily enough, the origins of this publication come from a coworker of yours. Disguised Toast. He went to a therapist because of the mandatory therapy session thing you guys go through. And he told her about a life people remember him being a part of, but that he didn't remember living. Same life I've made a name for myself in, but that's irrelevant. And so his therapist referred him to a psychologist working with a theory about the lost memories. That's Scarra. Scarra's theory seemed to have meat, so he published it."
Corpse reaches into his bag and pulls out a set of papers. He hands them to Ze. Ze's not sure if he should read the papers handed to him or if he should tell Corpse his total balance. Ze decides to do both and reads the paper while Corpse swipes his card. Multiple times. Ze has no idea how a guy who comes here everyday still can't swipe a card properly.
This is the first psychology paper Ze has read since his separation with Chilled. Too many bitter memories. But reading Scarra's paper in particular? Its bitterness comes from much more than reminiscent memories. A history of people broken apart by forgotten memories and then the story of Disguised Toast. And in the context of this paper, Ze finds that he is the rule, not the exception. Perhaps Ze wasn't as alone as he thought he was.
"After this publication," Corpse says as soon as Ze looks up. "Scarra was contacted by someone, the subject I told you about. And many brain scans and questions later, more data was collected and more conclusions were drawn. And then I showed Scarra the notebook and everyone started freaking out. Scarra and his subject, Chilled Chaos. I'm sure you've… heard of him?"
Ze at that moment realizes why Corpse said this story is funny. It's funny because in reality, it's not funny at all. It's hilariously tragic. And how else are you supposed to start off a story that is so constructed on misunderstandings and misfortunes? Chilled Chaos. In a psychology lab. Because of a paper about losing your memory after killing your soulmate. Ze doesn't need to ask why Chilled went to Scarra, not after reading the final portion of the paper.
'I like your new novel idea… That never happened, Ze… I'm just trying to understand… I never lived a life with wizards… I haven't killed anybody... I don't understand why you're so angry… I just want to understand... Where is this all coming from... What do you mean by factions… Why are you saying I killed you... What are you talking about?'
"He was so wrapped up in the facts of everything that he never even asked me which store I was talking about," Corpse says. "But anyways, the moral of the story is, you should come to the office. Talk with Scarra. Maybe reunite with your soulmate. Resolve everything. Chilled will probably ask me soon which store I go to. And if he buys something, you'll have to interact with him. You're not going to be able to avoid him. Not when he wants to see you."
'I don't know what I've done to upset you, but I'm sorry… Please calm down, Ze… I love you Ze, I don't want to see you upset… I love you, Ze… I love you… I don't know what I've done… I love you… You mean the world to me, Ze... I love you...'
Ze doesn't notice Corpse is gone until he hears the chime of the bell. The receipt of the purchase is gone, Ze notes. Ze reads the publication again. He pulls out his phone. Scarra has legit credentials, all from this lifetime. The publication online matches the publication Corpse gave him. This is all real. Either that, or it's a horrible nightmare, bringing vain hope in the wallows of despair. Ze pinches himself. He doesn't think he's sleeping.
Ze calls Scarra after his shift ends.
~~~~~
The meeting with Scarra goes well.
Ze goes to the office, tells the psychology guy his story, and gets some brain scans. It's not the most eventful endeavor Ze has ever been on, but that's okay. Ze's not sure he's ready for a whole bunch of excitement yet. Honestly, Ze's still trying to process everything. Everything happened pretty quickly.
Scarra talks Ze through the results. Ze finds that he still recognizes some of the jargon from ages ago, from when he was a neuroscientist. He had worked with psychologists back then, and seeing Scarra's analysis of his brain is really cool. Ze misses the days when he would excitedly tell Chilled about the things he saw in other people and the things he learned. It's a shame Chilled already knows about all of this, or else Ze would be able to tell him all about it when they meet up again.
Ze's going to… he's going to meet up with Chilled again. And they'll be together. Without the arguing. Without the misunderstandings. Just Ze and his Chilled, the Chilled he loved, the Chilled he still loves, the Chilled he will always love. His Chilled. The Chilled he's only seen through his dreams. Oh, the dreams. Right. Maybe those are important to mention.
Ze tells Scarra about the dreams. About seeing Chilled kill him over and over. He explains their frequency, their intensity compared to other dreams, anything that could help Scarra understand why they occur. Too much information is better for a scientist than too little. When Ze tells Scarra everything of note, he shifts the conversation to Chilled.
"When is Chilled coming back here?" Ze asks.
"At the moment, he's coming in twice a month," Scarra says. "He's supposed to be here next in two weeks, but I can call him in earlier if you'd like. Or if you don't want to meet him here, I can tell you where he works or arrange something with him."
"Here is good," Ze says. "Maybe in a few days. So I have time to process everything."
Scarra picks the time. Ze confirms he's available and that's that. He also agrees to have a brain scan after the meeting so Scarra can see what will happen. Scarra says he'll call Chilled later and ask him for a brain scan to confirm something. Make the endeavor a surprise. At first, Ze thinks it cruel, but then he thinks back on all of the pranks Chilled has pulled on him in the past and figures revenge isn't that bad of an idea. Especially when the end result is going to be positive.
Ze just needs to wait.
~~~~~
Ze can hardly contain his excitement.
Today is the day. Today is the day that he sees Chilled again. He's been counting down the days along with Corpse, who had been supportive when Ze told him the plan. Ze can't remember being so excited for anything in a very long time. Probably because he understands now that Chilled wasn't trying to hurt him.
Really, Ze should have known. He should have trusted Chilled. He should have tried to understand Chilled more instead of just getting upset by everything. Ze's been a scientist in many lives. He should know how to have an objective view on everything. But instead, Ze flopped. He got so angry at what conflicted with his point of view that he snapped, and now he's just now seeing Chilled again because of that.
Ze pushes the negativity out of his mind as he stands at the door. The present is more important than the past right now. Ze needs to follow through on this. He promised Scarra, he promised Corpse, he promised himself that he would do this. And now he will. He's going to go in and meet Chilled.
"...just call someone on when they're not working," Scarra says as Ze enters the room. "That's not how it works, Chilled."
This is Chilled. Chilled is right here. Ze wants to say something, but he can't find his voice. It's probably buried under the bundle of nerves Ze is feeling right now. Chilled hasn't seemed to notice Ze's presence yet, but Scarra definitely has. Ze can tell by the way Scarra emphasized Chilled's name. This… this is actually happening.
"I need to ask Corpse which grocery store it was," Chilled says. "It's important."
"You could do that," Scarra says. He then turns and speaks in Ze's general direction. "Or you can, you know, ask Ze instead."
Chilled turns his head. Oh, those are beautiful eyes. Ze wasn't expecting them, to be honest. There's always something about Chilled that draws Ze's attention, and this time it's definitely the eyes. Ze can see the moment Chilled realizes who he is. Chilled stares at him, mouth agape. Those eyes widened and time seems to stand still.
"Hey buddy," Ze eventually says.
More silence. And then...
"Oh my god," Chilled whispers. "Oh my god."
Ze glances at Scarra. Scarra motions for him to go closer to Chilled. And so Ze does. He goes up to Chilled and pulls him into a hug. Chilled returns it, squeezing Ze tightly. Ze's not sure if Chilled is ever going to let go, and he's not sure if he wants Chilled to let go. Here, in Chilled's arms, he feels more content than he has in a very long time.
They'd have to talk through everything at some point. There's probably a lot of things to catch up on. The life Chilled forgot, and the lives that came after. Ze's going to have to apologize for not trusting Chilled. But that can wait. They've got all of the time in the world to work things out. For now, this is enough. Being with Chilled again is enough.
"Hey," Ze says. "I know we're having a moment here, but we did promise Scarra some brain scans."
"Seriously," Chilled groans. "That is what's on your mind right now? Brain scans?"
"I'm here for my two loves," Ze says. "You and science."
Chilled laughs, and Ze does too.