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Warm, morning sunlight shone between the black colored and white star patterned curtains partly covering the window of the bedroom, dripping through like golden melted honey of the early daytime. A kaleidoscope of colors bounced off the walls from a jar of marbles and coins sitting on top of a dresser being hit with the light just perfectly, spotting the walls in small rainbow splotches of fragmented light.
The bright light seeped through Subaru’s eyelids, stirring him back to consciousness as he blinked his light blue eyes open slowly to the bright room, looking across the empty space in the bed next to him to the window before letting them close again. He instinctively reached out to the empty spot in the bed next to him, mumbling a “g’mor’in Hokke..~” in a sleepy, groggy voice. When he didn't feel a body next to him or a voice return his greeting, he opened his eyes again to see nothing next to him, making him sit up in the bed and look around the room. “Hokke~? Hokke, are you up already?” he called out into the room, into the house that he hoped would reach Hokuto. Subaru’s favorite thing to do in the morning was give his husband a warm good morning, accentuated with a kiss.
He was met with silence, which made anxiety pit in his stomach a little for a reason he couldn't pinpoint. Subaru finally got to his feet, pushing the bundle of cream colored blankets off of his body, running a hand through the messy nest that was his orange hair, yawning as the sleep slowly left his body and he felt himself waking up more and more. Not bothering to get dressed, he immediately left the room to hop into the kitchen, wide smile on his face when he saw just the boy he was looking for at the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in front of him and scrolling through his phone, seemingly not noticing that Subaru had woken up.
“Good morning~! Hehe, looks like you woke up a bit early, hm?” Subaru said happily as he hugged Hokuto from behind, making the black haired boy jump a little, looking back at him.
“Gah-! You scared me there, Subaru. Don't you creep up on me like that,” Hokuto said, but his tone was nothing like his words, a smile in his voice as he turned to kiss Subaru’s cheek.
“I’ll scare you as muuuuu~ch as I want! But hey, why’re you up so early anyways? Where's our morning cuddle time?!” The orange haired boy pouted, resting his head on Hokuto’s shoulder as he looked down at whatever his partner had been doing on his phone.
“I didn’t sleep that well last night… a bit of trouble has been going on with the company, now that my father has put me in charge of it. I need to do all this work, and...” Hokuto began, but Subaru frowned, shushing him quickly with a finger to his lips, which felt a little colder than usual.
“Shhh~! Say no more, I know exactly what you need! Let's go down to the candy store and get you a biiiig bag of konpeito, hm? You deserve a break! After all, you're the hardest worker I know,” Subaru insisted, jumping on his heels at the thought. Both of the boys had an affinity for the candy store near their house, Hokuto always getting his trademark favorite konpeito candy, while Subaru liked to get those chocolate gold coins, not to mention the plus of their good friend Anzu working there.
“I'm not sure.. Do you think that would be alright?” Hokuto contemplated, dark blue eyes wandering down to the phone in his hand.
“Of course it is! Even handsome CEOs need time off, too~” He giggled teasingly, placing another kiss on Hokuto’s cheeks, then to his lips, smiling through the kiss, and he felt Hokuto smile too.
“Well, I’m sure it won't take us that long.. Just one quick stop.” he finally agreed. Subaru jumped and clapped his hands, excited that Hokuto agreed, but quickly felt a hand on his shoulder stopping him. “But there's no way you're going out in that,” he laughed. Subaru looked down at his body to see what he meant- he was still wearing his fuzzy pajama pants, sleeping shirt dropping off one of his shoulders and clothes wrinkled. The orange haired boy laughed nervously, realizing that his excitement got ahead of him and he hadn't even thought of that. “Ehehe.. I’ll get dressed as fast as possible!”
A man of his word, Subaru raced back to their bedroom, quickly replacing the pajamas with actual clothes. Light colored ripped jeans were put in place of pajama pants, and a galaxy-patterned hoodie in place of the large sleeping shirt. After he had proper clothes, he bounded into the bathroom that connected to their bedroom- on the sink counter was a cup with two toothbrushes, appropriately colored orange and blue, where the orange of the two looked a little more used than the other. A couple orange pill bottles were placed up against the mirror, a few knocked over on the counter, and a comb with a few stray strands of orange hair between the bristles. Subaru’s hair had always needed more maintenance, it was only natural he used the brush more.
He disregarded everything on the counter and only focused on grabbing his toothbrush, opening a drawer to get his mint flavored toothpaste, and brushing his teeth at lightning speed with his respected toothbrush.
Hokuto was still sitting where he was in the kitchen, the only difference being that the coffee mug he had previously was now in the sink, and black sneakers on his feet now with the rest of his outfit, already prepared to go on his day out with Subaru.
“Hey, I got a great idea while brushing my teeth!” Subaru said excitedly when he returned to the black haired boy, jumping up and down as he tried to tie his shoes while standing up on one foot. “Why don't we invite Ukki and Sarri too? We haven't all hung out all together in way too loooong..” Subaru whined, attempting to persuade Hokuto into the idea, but not much persuasion was needed as he answered quickly.
“Hm… You're right... I have been a bit busy with work, so...” Hokuto hummed, a hand on his chin as he thought. “Why not call them? Let’s see if they're busy,” he smiled, Subaru getting excited and pulling out his phone for the day to ensue with all of them.
The phone rung once, twice, three times, until a bright voice came over the receiver.
“Hello?” Makoto asked cautiously when he answered.
“Hey Ukki~! How’s it goin?” Subaru asked the other, and he could tell that the blonde relaxed on the other end hearing the familiar voice.
“Ah... I'm doing good, Akehoshi! How are you..?” he asked him, his tone was careful.
“Im great! Me and Hokke were gonna go to the candy store near us, and we wanted to know if you and Sarri wanted to come! It's been a while, hasn't it?” he said, and Makoto went silent over the phone, a bit longer than Subaru had expected, but he could hear the faint, muffled sound of Makoto and Mao talking with each other.
“Uhm.. me and Mao have plans today, sorry Akehoshi- hope you have fun though..!” Makoto said finally, surprising Subaru by suddenly hearing his voice again.
“That's okay, Ukki! Go have fun with your booo~yfrieeee~nd!” Subaru said in a teasing voice, making Makoto give a tiny laugh that was almost unheard over the phone.
“Right.. And uh, hey, Akehoshi?”
“Hm?”
A small silence fell between them again until Subaru heard Makoto's voice again, laced with a deep breath.
“Take care of yourself, okay?” Makoto said after the short quietness, and before Subaru could respond with something along the lines of ‘you too!’, the phone had been hung up on the other end, making Subaru hum as he turned off the device and let it drop back into his pocket.
“They're busy, looks like it's just us!” The orange haired boy said as he jumped onto Hokuto to take his hand, opening the front door and pulling him out into the sun. The light shining through the autumn leaves made the ground colorful in yellows and reds, fallen leaves all along the sidewalk. Subaru purposefully tried to step on as many leaves as he could to make them crunch. The leaves under Hokuto were strangely silent though- poor Hokuto, not getting any crunchy leaves...
The air had a slight chill, but not enough to make them feel too cold- it was a perfect temperature for the day. The cars on the street next to them were busy, driving past them quickly with a purpose and a destination.
“What kind of konpeito are you gonna get?” Subaru asked as they got closer to their destination, breaking their comfortable silence with an excited sounding question.
“The chestnut konpeito should be in about now, and you can only get it during autumn. Maybe I’ll go with that.. It is limited for the season, after all,” Hokuto explained. He enjoyed any flavors of konpeito, and it was a little funny to Subaru how the other so methodically planned out something as simple as candy buying.
“Hehe~ so smart! Make sure you give me a couple too, okay? Sharing is caring!” he sang, but Hokuto looked at Subaru like he had just insulted him.
“No way~ it's going to be all mine, you can't say that when you never share your chocolate coins with me, you hypocrite,” He laughed freely, nudging the orange haired boy as he spoke in a teasing tone- but he completely meant what he said. No one comes in between him and his konpeito.
Subaru whined in dismay at the statement as they entered the store, the smell of sugar and confectionaries wafting Subaru’s senses, making him smile. They had come to this store numerous times before, they were practically regulars, and they knew the store clerk well, who was a sweet girl with brown hair who usually wore a pink sweater. “Good afternoon, Akehoshi!” she said with a soft smile, arranging some new candies behind the counter.
“Hey, hey! Good to see you again, Anzu! What, no hello to Hokke?” he giggled with a wave to her, who looked up to him and frowned for just a moment, before smiling again.
“Aha.. sorry, Hidaka, I didn't see you there,” she then said, looking back at the task at hand with stocking the candies, lips tight on her face as she hummed.
“Its fine, Anzu. It's good to see you again, too,” he greeted her. Anzu didn’t respond, focusing on her work.
Subaru pulled Hokuto further into the store to their desired candies, which were already pretty close to each other. Subaru grabbed a bag of chocolates, wrapped with the shiny golden foil with a cartoonish looking yen sign on it. He smiled down at them, already tempted to open the bag and take one out- just as a little taste test, you know?!
But, Subaru knew better, taking the bag of rounded chocolates out of his sight to look up at Hokuto, pondering over the glass jars in a table that had many different flavors and colors of konpeito in them. Hokuto held a bag in one hand, and in another was a scoop to use on the candies- it was one of those choose it yourself things, like a tiny candy buffet for whatever Hokuto desired. But, at the moment, he only stood there in concentration.
“Hokke~? I thought you were gonna get the chestnut flavor, right?” Subaru hummed as he approached the other, looking at the array of candies then up to the one in question.
“Yes.. but they also have this maple flavor- that would be perfect with it.. but the strawberry is also starting to run low, what if I can't get some the next time that we come? But the strawberry with the chestnut and maple dont sound like they would be very good together, so I wouldn't want to put them in the same bag...” Hokuto hummed, explaining his thought process as he pointed at the konpeito jars with each flavor he spoke.
Subaru began to laugh, patting Hokuto’s back with an accidental rough nature before regaining his composure.
“Hahah~! Just get what you want, Hokke! It's not, like.. candy rocket science, y’know~ Just get whatever! Do you want another bag to get just strawberry?” Subaru offered, and Hokuto nodded at the request, letting the orange haired boy jump over to get another bag for Hokuto, who made quick work of getting what he wanted in the respected mini bags.
Subaru pulled his black haired partner up to the counter as soon as he was done, placing their choices on the counter. Anzu took the tag of the chocolate coin bag and scanned the tag with the barcode, a beep from the register as she smiled back at the bright boy, humming a “1,042 yen,” for him to pay. Subaru’s expression slowly turned confused, glancing at the two bags of konpeito on the counter, too.
“What about Hokke’s candy?” he asked curiously, looking back up to the brown haired girl.
Anzu looked down at the counter, then back up to Subaru quickly, shaking her head. “Ah- we’re having a sale on konpeito today..! I forgot to tell you, ahah~..” she laughed airily, smiling at Subaru.
“So.. free~?” Subaru smiled again, and Anzu nodded, making him let out a happy noise as he took up his bag of chocolate coins, paying only the amount for that with a happy “thank yoooou!”. Free stuff was always good- that meant more of his shiny coins kept for him!
Hokuto said thank you as well as he took his own bags, smiling down at Anzu, who kept her focus strangely forward as she waved goodbye to Subaru, who was practically out the door already, deciding to just leave as well.
“Hey, hey! If I give you a coin can I have some of your konpeito? Pleeeeease! I've never tried the maple flavor!!” Subaru begged as they walked along the sidewalk again, waving the circular chocolate with the gold wrapping in front of Hokuto as if to tempt him. Hokuto sighed, picking a couple small pieces of the candy in question, caving in to Subaru’s whims as they traded with each other.
Subaru hummed happily as he put them in his mouth, but soon a disappointed whine left him. “Hm~ I can't really taste it..” he complained.
“The maple one is a little more subtle compared to others,” Hokuto explained, which only made Subaru whine more.
“Whaaaat?? Gimmie another, that was disappointing!! Strawberry this time!” he insisted, but Hokuto laughed and shook his head.
“You’ve already made the trade, no more of my candy for you~” he teased, making Subaru sigh and cross his arms, puffing his cheeks like an angry child. The entrance to their house was quickly in front of Subaru again though, as he opened the door and stepped inside.
“Well if you're not gonna share, looks like I have no choice but to take it from you when you're not looking~!” Subaru laughed with a wide smile, but was met with a deafening silence. He looked behind him- the door was still opened. Hokke should have closed that, shouldn't he have?
He glanced out the door, looking around with the expression on his face growing more worried before retreating back into the house and closing the door.
“Hokke-?” Subaru called out, feeling like his heart was dropping in his chest more and more as the silent seconds passed. He was getting anxious- too anxious. Why was he getting *this* anxious?
He looked down at his hands, which held the bag of chocolate coins, as well as the two bags of konpeito. Wasn't Hokuto holding those before?
“H-Hokuto..?!” Subaru called out again, tone getting more increasingly worried, practically screaming out this time into the house. The so, so lonely feeling house. The place felt so warm before, but now it felt miserable. All of these feelings of sadness and anxiety had hit Subaru out of no where, and so fast he didn't even realize what was happening yet.
Subaru didn't care when the candies in his hands fell to the ground, replaced with gripping his head by his hair and curling in on himself. “Hokke, Hokke, Hokke.. Hokke, where are you-?! H-Hok.. Hokuto…” he repeated the name, over and over again, as if it would manage to make the other appear in front of him again. “.. Hokuto, come back..” he sighed, and realized he was crying by the taste of the salty tears on his lips.
As he breathed heavily, clumsy hands fumbled to get his phone from his pocket, going to his contacts and pressing to call Makoto, like he had done earlier that day. Was that today? Did he call Makoto today?
The ringing of the phone he put on speaker as he laid it down on the ground was louder than usual to Subaru’s ears, screen brighter than usual to Subaru’s eyes.
It rang once, twice, three times.
“Hello?” Makoto’s voice came over the phone, curious and bright.
“U-uk.. Makoto I can't.. Where's H-Hokuto-? Where is h-he? Makoto.. Makoto I cant.. I c-c-..” the orange haired boy hiccuped, not even sure what to fully say, or how to form his sentence.
“Akehoshi, everythings going to be okay.. Are you in a safe place right now?” Makoto said calmly, which surprised Subaru a little.
“Y.. yes..? W-w-why do you sound so calm-?! H-Hokuto, he’s..! I can't..!” Subaru said, voice rising more as his sentence continued.
“Akehoshi, are you giving me permission to give you a reality check?” Makoto’s words startled Subaru- what did he mean? It confused him.
“W-what..? What do you mean? Uhm.. y-yes..? I guess? I j-just need.. I need to know” Subaru insisted- pleaded- as he wiped his sleeves against his eyes to dry them, which didn't seem to be much help, honestly.
He could hear Makoto take a deep breath before talking again. “Hokuto died a month ago in a car crash, Akehoshi. The psychologist said you have schizophrenia- you have hallucinations because of the trauma from it.. Have you been taking your pills lately? They should be on your bathroom counter..” Makoto spoke, but it felt like Subaru stopped listening after those first two words. Dead? Dead?! No, no, no no no no.. that's not right. That can't be right at all.
Subaru looked next to him- those black sneakers he was sure he saw Hokuto wearing were neatly placed near the front door. He scrambled to get to his feet, grabbing his phone to take along, and he went to the sink, where he was sure Hokuto had put his mug this morning. There was nothing in the sink, sparkly clean with no indication of having even been used that day. Subaru felt like screaming- he was screaming. When had he started screaming? He hadn't noticed until now, cries ugly and loud as his tears hit the bottom of the sink.
“Akehoshi, it's okay- everythings going to be alright, okay? Me and Mao are coming over, j-just stay where you are, okay?” Makoto hurriedly said over the phone- had Makoto been talking this whole time? Subaru couldn't hear it. He couldn't hear anything- it felt too silent. He was light headed, he hadn't even realized he was on the floor again, finding comfort in the cold kitchen tile. It was so, so cold. Hokuto felt a little cold today. That was Hokuto, wasn't it? Who else could it have been? It was Hokuto. It was Hokuto?
There was someone next to him now- two people. Was it Hoktuo? Was he back?
He looked up to see Mao and Makoto, sitting next to him with worried looks on their faces, talking to him. He couldn't keep up with what they were saying, though. Subaru began to cry again- he was so overwhelmed, but somehow underwhelmed at the same time. He was everywhere and nowhere, feeling everything but also not sensing anything at all.
He had crawled into their arms, apparently. He was hugging them, apparently. He was crying and yelling into their shoulders, apparently. What was he even saying? Subaru wasn't sure. Was he even in his own head right now? It felt as if everything was breaking. Makoto and Mao were here, weren't they? Are they dead too?
Apparently he had said this outloud, because he heard Mao gently say “we're right here, Subaru- we're real and we're here for you, okay?”
Subaru didn't know if he could trust it- but it was all he had right now. He nodded erratically to show he understood, fog in his head slowly clearing away- but it was still difficult.
It was terrifying, to say the least. Subaru couldn't really think straight- he couldn't think at all. Words and cries were coming out on their own, and Subaru didn't even realize it.
He doesnt remember when he had fallen asleep. He doesn't remember when he had gotten into his bed, or gotten dressed into his pajamas again. He woke up to the mean, bright sun coming through the bedroom window, making Subaru squint his eyes. He moved his arm to feel the space next to him, holding his breath.
It was empty, and he knew it would be.