Work Text:
I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
So come over now and talk me down
Carlos wakes up, his shirt sticking to his back, his face covered in a light sheen of sweat. He struggles to catch his breath as he sits up, a hand flying to his chest over his quickly beating heart. This sensation is nothing new and yet it still floors Carlos each time he wakes up like this.
After these last two weeks he should be used to it.
He looks to the left in bed but of course the space is empty. TK is at his own house, in his own bed, undoubtedly fast asleep like any rational person would be at this hour.
Carlos settles his back against the headboard, his stomach twisted into knots. He tries in vain to get his heart to stop racing, to settle himself and find some semblance of calm. It’s not an easy task and as the seconds tick by, Carlos realizes that this may not be a job he can handle on his own. He hesitates before reaching over to his nightstand and disconnecting his phone from the charger. His eyes adjust to the bright screen before him boldly stating that it’s 2:17 in the morning.
He knows he shouldn’t call. It’s the middle of the night, a time when a phone call could make a person jump to horrible conclusions. This is hardly an emergency; he isn’t in any danger but TK is something of an anchor for him, his voice alone enough to settle him on even his worst days. It’s selfish, he thinks, to trouble his boyfriend now but if he could speak to him for even a few seconds, Carlos thinks it will lull him back to what hopes will be a peaceful sleep. Before he can put too much thought to it, Carlos presses TK’s name in his contacts and puts the phone to his ear.
Four rings chime and Carlos contemplates hanging up just then before there’s a break.
“Carlos?” TK asks, his voice heavy with sleep. Carlos mentally kicks himself.
“You were sleeping. Of course you were. I’m so sorry. Go back to bed.”
TK clears his throat on the line before speaking. “Not a chance. Are you hurt? What’s going on? Talk to me. Is everything okay?”
Carlos licks his chapped lips and sniffs, shaking his head even though TK cannot see him. Concern is so heavy in TK’s voice. He can just picture the troubled look his boyfriend must be sporting now to go with it.
“I’m alright, really. I’m at home and I’m okay. I shouldn’t have worried you. Goodnight,” he quickly says before hanging up.
TK calls back but Carlos doesn’t pick up, feeling foolish for calling his boyfriend in the dead of night just because he had a bad dream. It makes him feel like he’s a kid again, racing straight to his parents room and wedging himself between them when he got spooked during a storm or couldn’t rest.
He’s an adult now—and a cop no less. Feeling brave should be common practice for him. Roping TK into this mess was a grave oversight on his part. He feels guilty for not answering but embarrassment flares throughout him, burning in the pit of his stomach.
Carlos does his best to fall back asleep on his own and shake the images that flitted through his mind earlier but the task is far easier said than done. It’s all too easy to recall that call from two weeks ago.
He’s curled onto his side, still wide awake when he hears the chime of the doorbell.
Padding across his room and down the hall to the front door, Carlos flips on the switch for the front step and peers through the peephole.
TK stands there with his hands burrowed into the front pocket of his hoodie, shivering a bit. Carlos hurries to unlock the door, to welcome him in every sense of the word.
“TK, you didn’t have to come over,” he says, moving back to let TK enter.
“You called me at two in the morning. You needed me so I’m here,” he says plainly.
TK steps closer to him, cupping his face. “Maybe now you can tell me what’s keeping you up?” he asks gently.
Carlos sighs and closes back the door, flicking the lock. TK keeps his eyes fixed on him, clearly not willing to let up on getting to the bottom of this. Carlos appreciates the concern but it only makes him feel more foolish for reaching out in the first place.
“It’s so embarrassing,” he says, rolling his eyes at himself.
Even just saying that much aloud makes him feel ridiculous but from the way TK’s brows furrow, he can tell his boyfriend views things differently.
“You had another nightmare, didn’t you?”
There’s nothing accusatory or judgemental in his tone at all and it makes Carlos love TK all the more. Finding the words to admit to what led to him calling felt insurmountable. But of course TK would be able to fill in the blanks.
For two weeks since his unit was called to an active shooter scene, Carlos has been haunted by the things he witnessed that afternoon. He’s done his best to shake it off and some nights are truly easier than others to endure. But TK has borne witness to Carlos’ fitful rests, been there right beside him when Carlos wakes up shakily from dreaming.
Carlos shudders in spite of his best efforts to control it but the memory of the shootout is so vivid. His dream recounted it all in stunning clarity to the point where it felt as if Carlos had somehow gone back in time and was sincerely living that horrific day over.
He’s only able to nod, his body feeling cold.
TK sighs in understanding, wrapping his arms around Carlos and rubbing his back soothingly.
“That was a horrible day. It makes perfect sense why it’s still affecting you. You went through something extremely traumatic.”
Carlos groans and breaks away from the hug, walking over to the living room. TK is right on his heels, eyeing him carefully as they sit on the couch.
“I’m a police officer. I should be able to move on and I swear, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
“You’re human. It’s only natural that you’d react to something like that. But pretending like it didn’t happen? Not talking about it? That’s not helpful. Trust me,” TK says, that final sentence piercing through.
TK knows about hardships and personal demons. He’s been so candid about his past and it never fails to make Carlos’ heart swell with pride seeing how far TK has come in all the months that they’ve known each other.
“Maybe I could take some time off, just for a little while,” he suggests.
“I think that’s a great starting point, definitely.”
“Guess it also couldn’t hurt to talk to someone about it either.”
TK smiles widely at this and nods, kissing Carlos’ cheek. “I like the sound of that.”