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Bucky wasn't quite sure what to do with the extremely angry fairy he rescued from the group of Make Humanity Great Again! assholes who'd been trying to suffocate him in a jar.
One thing he knew for sure, though: Steev might have been a great warrior of his people, and probably deadly with that shield when he wasn't lost, exhausted and starving; but he was also ridiculously adorable, especially with that scowl on his face.
Bucky might have fought with the Fae in the Border War, but that didn't mean he was dumb enough to think he and a fairy he'd just saved from other humans could ever become friends. Hell, he considered himself damn lucky Steev ate the piece of hot dog Bucky had given him, even if he'd glowered at Bucky the whole time. Fae weren't particularly trusting to begin with, and Steev had already experienced the worst of them before Bucky came along.
Steev liked Alpine, though. As soon as he'd finished the bit of hot dog and the capful of orange juice Bucky gave him, he snuggled right up against the cat's belly and fell asleep. Bucky wasn't jealous about that or anything, even if it was usually Alpine keeping him warm at night, when she wasn't wandering around doing her cat thing. He was just...sad, really. He'd always had a fairy or two riding in a pocket or on his shoulder during the war, and they loved sleeping against his chest at night, huddled like birds. He missed that, the friendship and comradery. The warm knowledge that these fierce but fragile beings knew he'd keep them safe.
Of course, that had been a long time ago. He wasn't the same man anymore, and after what had happened to him.... Well, Fae could sense a tainted soul as well as any magical being.
No, Bucky wasn't dumb enough to think he and a fairy could ever be friends, or that one of the Fae would even tolerate his presence for any longer than was absolutely necessary. He'd expected Steev to be gone by morning.
But in the morning, when Alpine pawed Bucky awake demanding the cat food he kept in his backpack, Steev was riding on her back, grumpily rubbing his eyes. Bucky didn't know what to make of the small, warm feeling unfurling in his chest, when Steev took the piece of hot dog directly from his fingers this time, instead of from the paper plate.
Bucky didn't want to call the feeling "hope", so he didn't call it anything. But it stayed all the same. It stayed as long as Steev stayed, and the feeling grew, slowly getting warmer and bigger as late fall became true winter and Steev gained some much-needed weight and the glow came back to his wings.
The feeling stayed and grew when Steev started talking to Bucky instead of only barely acknowledging him: going from frosty but polite requests to genuinely polite questions to actual conversation. The feeling stayed when Steev quietly, tentatively, touched Bucky's metal fingers for the first time, then carefully explored them in wonder instead of fear.
The feeling grew again when Steev moved from Alpine's belly to tucked into Bucky's coat at night, nestled over his heart.
The feeling Bucky refused to call "hope" stayed until it couldn't anymore, because it was so cold now, Bucky couldn't stop shivering, even wearing all his layers with Alpine cuddled with him in his sleeping bag. It was no weather for a fairy, and Steev was more than healthy enough now to conjure a doorway to the Lands. Had been healthy enough for weeks, probably. Bucky had no idea why he'd stayed this long, but the flickering warmth in his chest had gone cold at the thought of what Steev might say if Bucky asked, so he didn't.
And then, out of the blue one evening, when they were sharing a tub of past-date yogurt Bucky had pulled out of a dumpster, Steev said, "You should come with me."
Steev didn't talk much, especially for a fairy, so him piping up out of nowhere was enough reason to have Bucky near-choking on the yoghurt all on its own. But it was the offer that really floored him. Especially delivered so casually. Like.... As if Bucky were still Kin, when most days he barely felt he counted as a person.
Steev fluttered in front of his face, all but strobing in alarm, while Alpine, opportunist that she was, just started gobbling Bucky's yoghurt. Bucky waved his hand, careful not to hit Steev, and shook his head. "I'm fine," he managed between coughing. "It's just." He grimaced, glancing unconsciously at his left arm. "I was Renounced." He swallowed. "You can feel it. I can't...." He pulled in a breath. "I wouldn't be welcome."
Steev stopped his frantic hovering, landing on the palm Bucky lifted so Steev could look him in the face. "I can feel it wasn't your choice," he said soberly. "I can feel how much it hurts, what they made you do." He reached out and touched Bucky's chapped bottom lip with his palm. The miniscule weight of it felt like a fingertip. "You have a good heart, Bucky. Either the ones who Renounced you somehow couldn't tell that, or they were never worthy of Kinship in the first place."
Bucky smiled, wondering if Steev could feel the sadness in it. "I don't think the reason matters. I can't conjure a doorway anymore. I tried." So many times, he'd tried. He'd nearly walked off a bridge after the final failure, the despair had been so great.
"I can," Steev said. "And I can, um." He pulled his hand back to run his fingers through his messy blue hair. His tiny face pinked up, right to the tips of his pointed ears. "Un-Renounce you."
Bucky blinked, then stared at him. "You'd name me Kin?"
Steev nodded, though his blush got worse. "Well, yeah? I mean, you saved my life. And, you've fed me and kept me warm, and Alpine vouches for you and...and...." He darted forward and pressed his lips to Bucky's cheek before leaping back like he'd just scalded himself. He swallowed, then crossed his arms and lifted his chin, as if defying Bucky to have a problem with what Steev just did. "And that."
"That," Bucky repeated vaguely. He put two fingers to his cheek, as if that could somehow keep the kiss there, though he'd barely been able to feel it. "You…you like me?"
Steev rolled his eyes so violently Bucky was concerned the fairy would tumble backwards off his hand, though Steev's cheeks were now flaming. "Of course not. Fairies kiss humans all the time. Dumbass." He frowned. "Of course, I like you. How could you not know that?" His frown turned to shock and then sadness, all in a handful of heartbeats. "You don't know that because you don't feel the same," he said, as if this was an irrefutable fact he'd just understood.
"I do!" Bucky blurted, because of course he did. He'd liked Steve from the moment he'd twisted off the jar lid and let the shaking, gasping fairy out. He'd just never imagined anything like this because, well, "But, I'm tainted."
"It's not a real taint if it was done to you," Steev said with authority. "Besides, once you come home with me, I know folk who can fix that. And they will, 'cause you saved my life."
Bucky swallowed. He reached for Alpine with his free hand, seeking the comfort of her warm fur. "You'd do that? For me? I-I'm human. And I'm not…." He looked away, watching his metal fingers stroke lines through Alpine's fur. Worthy of it withered like autumn leaves on his tongue. "What if the door won't open for me?" he asked instead, because that was really the same thing, wasn't it?
He didn't realize Steev had left his hand until he suddenly felt a tug on his hair.
"Ow!"
Steev was hovering so close Bucky's eyes nearly crossed looking at him. "The door will open for me. And I can bring through whoever I want. And once you're in the Lands, my friends will fix you, ’cause they'll be able to see everything that I do. You have a good heart, Bucky," he repeated. "Screw all those other stupid Fae who Renounced you. You didn't deserve it."
"Thanks," Bucky whispered. "I…." He swallowed again, throat suddenly aching. "I'd really like to go back."
He didn't call it home, because "home" was a place where you were welcome, and Bucky hadn't been. But it had been the only place he'd ever felt he really belonged, until he didn't.
"Then what are we waiting for?" Steev said, darting inches this way and that in flurries of excitement. "Grab Alpine and let's go!" His wings were already glowing more brightly, anticipating the spell.
Bucky dutifully set the unfinished yogurt aside and scooped up Alpine, then stood on suddenly shaky legs. He glanced around at his meagre belongings, but other than the fairy and the cat in his arms, there was nothing there he cared about. Maybe somebody else could use it.
Alpine started purring.
"Wait," Bucky said, as Steev started rubbing his tiny palms together.
Steev looked at him in confusion, the glow fading around his hands. "What's wrong?"
Bucky bit his lip. "If—when we get there," he amended at Steev's narrowed eyes, "can…Can your friends…make me…the right size?"
He knew he was blushing, but Steve just grinned, delighted. "You bet!"
"Good. Great." Bucky gave a sharp nod, ignoring the burn in his cheeks and the tension banging in his pulse. "Um. Go, go ahead. Please."
Bucky had no idea what Steev could feel from him, but Steev's grin softened to something gentle and warm. "We'll be home soon, Bucky." He rubbed his palms together, squinting in concentration. The glow around his hands returned, then brightened until it was hard to look at. And then all at once Steve pulled his hands back then made a quick, violent gesture like throwing something at the alley wall.
A door appeared, set in the bricks and mortar as if it had always been there. It looked completely ordinary, except for how the dull, greyish wood was faintly glowing.
Bucky realized he was holding Alpine too tightly when she began squirming. He loosened his grip but grabbed her scruff, in case she decided to take offense and run off. A door to the Lands wasn't something you could just leave for anyone who might wander through.
Not that anyone would be allowed in.
"It's okay, Buck," Steev said. He fluttered close enough to run his fingers down Bucky's cheek. "Go ahead. I'll be right behind you."
Bucky nodded, though his heart was beating so hard he couldn't speak. When he blinked tears ran down his face, but he didn't know if they were from gratitude or fear. Taking each step towards the door felt like walking through thigh-deep snow.
The fairy and the cat were the only two people in the world he cared about. He would never make them stay, but the idea that they might go through and leave him behind was more terrifying than facing death on the battlefield had ever been. But if the door opened, he could go home. He could give Alpine the comfort and security he always wanted to. He could be with Steev, and find out where that might go. And maybe he could be clean and whole again. Free.
He took a breath, then adjusted the cat in his grip so he could grasp the door handle. He tugged.
The door opened.
Bucky froze, gasped. The door was open. Beyond it was a field in summer, full of lush, soft grass and a riot of flowers he knew would come up to his knees. The sky was perfect, impossible blue. He could smell the warmth and sweet fragrance.
"Go on," Steev said, right by his ear. "I'm right behind you."
Bucky nodded, flicked a smile at him, and stepped through.
END