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“Oh-ho, that is IT!”
Neor blinked. He had mostly drowned out the twins bickering in the back of Nico’s van, the four of them headed back from a mission. It was the usual back and forth sniping, with Vergil having started it and Dante rising to the bait, time and time again. The argument had gone on, steadily, so much so that Nero had become engrossed in his phone rather than listen to it.
However, it appeared that whatever Vergil’s last snide comment had been, it had awaken something in Dante that Nero had only seen in passing.
Authoritative!Dante.
Nero whistled and turned around in his seat to watch what would come next. Nico had a strict “no wrasslin’ in mah GODDAMN VAN” policy that the twins had sorely tested, more than once, so Nero was eager to see which twin would throw the first punch and, thus, earn the wrath of Nicoletta Goldstein.
Dante’s teeth were barred in a confident, vicious grin and he pointed a finger at Vergil’s nose. Their body language said it all. Dante’s elbows were on his knees, whereas Vergil’s arms and legs were crossed. Dante looked feral, Vergil looked bored. Nero distinctly saw an offensive and defensive posture and ooohh this was gonna be good..
“Say that again!” He snarled, looking like a big cat over a kill.
“Say what again?” Vergil sneered.
“The last thing that just came outta your cocksucker,” Dante clarified and Nero felt like a kid in a candy store.
Get his ass.
“You’re an overgrown child,” Vergil repeated, one eyebrow raised.
“Okay!” Dante said, clapping his hands together, rubbing them with glee. “About that! I hear it so much, it’s almost funny, y’know, ‘Dante the goof, Dante can’t do this, Dante can’t do that, Dante’s dumber’n a box a rocks,’ yada yada, all that shit -- ”
“I never said th—”
“Nah, nah, just humor me, yeah? Hey, Verg? Which one of us, uh, has a fuckin job?”
Vergil leaned back in his seat as is Dante had swung at him. Nero’s head was going back and forth between his father and his uncle.
“That’s –” Vergil attempted, but Dante cut across him, waving his hand.
“Oh, no, no, no, I’m sorry, I mis-fuckin-spoke!” He said, clearing his throat. “Which one of us runs a goddamn business?” Vergil opened his mouth again, and again, Dante cut across him. “While you’re pondering that, how much cash you got on you, right this second? That I didn’t give you? Okay, when was the last time you paid fucking taxes? Do you even know your social security number?”
Nero thought Vergil’s head was going to explode.
“While you’re still chewing that one, lemme ask you this!” Dante continued, becoming more animated. Vergil had, apparently, plucked a raw nerve. “Between the two of us, um, which one us threw not one, haha but TWO fuckin tantrums that threatened the entire GODDAMN world? I can’t fuckin remember, myself, remind me, Verg!”
Vergil shifted, planting his other foot on the floor, as he attempted to defend himself, but his voice cracked.
Nero was positively giddy.
Get his ASS!
“And one last thing, before I get it outta you, this is really just for me,” Dante continued, voice raised to a near yell, and Vergil looking approximately two inches tall in the face of it. “Between the two of us, who owns their own business, pays their own fuckin bills, in a house they aren’t living in by the grace of their kid goddamn brother, hasn’t pitched two near-world-ending fits, and, the cherry on top, between the two of us who hasn’t gotten GOD. DAMN. SPANKED. By Mundus, after one of said tantrums?!”
Nico, who had kept her eyes on the road, whistled.
“Done took that boy behin’ the woodshed,” she muttered.
Dante pointed at Vergil again, who was looking anywhere else but at his younger twin.
“Don’t ever fuckin call me a child again, alright? Because the kettle just whooped your pot ass up one side and down the other. Understood?” Dante said, clear as day.
Vergil, petulant, didn’t answer, only recrossed his legs.
“Vergil.”
“What?”
Dante used two fingers, gestured to his eyes and then to Vergil’s.
“Understood, I asked?”
Vergil looked like he was on the edge of another tantrum, but Dante’s gaze didn’t waver.
“Yes,” the elder spat, before looking away from his twin again.
“Great!” Dante said, switching on a dime, and pulling on his goofy!Dante self again. “Aw, Verg, I love our heart to hearts~”