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The Hero of Hyrule was easy to talk to.
The Hero of the Wild wasn't sure what it was, but something about the Traveler caused all of his insecurities to bubble up to the surface, tripping over themselves in their desire to be validated, quelled. Maybe it was Hyrule's quiet demeanor, his relaxed posture, his down-to-earth attitude—Wild couldn't be sure. But more and more, he found himself with the other traveler, sharing their own little corner, as if a veil protected them from the more boisterous heroes.
This time, they sat a bit apart from the others, practically lost in the shadows with how far they were from the campfire. Warriors was regaling the others with ridiculous stories of the women he’d wooed, each less convincing than the last. Legend was chiming in often with snide comments at Warriors’ expense, making the others roar with laughter and Warriors fume and swear that his tales were true.
The spectacle was quite a sight, and despite being a mere observer, Wild was rather entertained. But thoughts nagged at him, thoughts that he had hidden deep in the back of his mind on his journey, thoughts that seemed to be coming up more frequently now that he found himself in the company of… well, people. Silently, he looked at Hyrule, wondering what the older hero would think.
The man was leaning back against a tree stump, comfortable as he could be, his empty bowl placed just away enough to not bother him. The firelight flickered against his face, only throwing some parts into relief; but Wild could see that his eyes were closed, only opening every once in a while when something particularly interesting happened, and a soft, lazy smile rested on his lips. He had to be on the verge of falling asleep.
Wild took a deep breath in, and then out. What was he thinking, explaining his worries to Hyrule? He had no reason to share this with anyone, let alone one of his reincarnations; the thought made him prickle with embarrassment. No, he would keep quiet about this, for the rest of his life, just as he had assumed he would when the question first came to mind.
“What are you thinking about, kid?”
He jumped, looking back at Hyrule, who had sat up a little straighter, one eye opened towards him. Wild cursed silently.
“I thought you were asleep.”
“Almost.” Hyrule stretched a bit, and the smile never left his face. “But you can’t just sigh like that and get away with it,” he chided amiably.
Wild stared pointedly at the others, glad that it was dark enough that Hyrule couldn’t properly see his face. He could tell Hyrule that it was none of his business, but… this was his chance. Of all the heroes in their little group, he was certain that Hyrule would be the most understanding.
He watched Warriors strike a dramatic pose, describing some fair maiden who he had to leave behind. He shivered despite the warm night.
“... I think I’m broken.”
His voice came out quiet and raspy, like dead leaves skittering in the wind. Hyrule shifted again, this time turning towards him fully. The smile was gone.
“Now, don’t go saying things like that. We’ve all been through a lot.” Hyrule stole a glance at the others, mulling over his words. “I’ve felt broken in the past. It just means you need time to heal.”
Such kind words, such a gentle tone. Wild narrowed his eyes at the prickling that threatened them, and focused on the fire in front of him, determined not to break here in front of the others. Hyrule meant so well, but he didn’t understand.
“No, I mean…” Wild struggled to find the right way to describe his feelings.
“The Captain chases women. The Old Man has Malon, the Chosen has his Zelda. Even the Collector hints at past romances.” Hyrule listened patiently, the concern on his face growing. “But I… I don’t want anything like that. I don’t get it.” Wild shook his head, and fought back tears again. “... Something’s wrong with me.”
Hyrule picked his way closer to Wild, whether to keep their conversation more private, or to provide comfort, Wild didn’t know. Either way, he appreciated it. “You’ve never felt that way about anyone?” He pressed tenderly. “At all?”
This was where it hurt most. Wild squeezed his eyes shut, his arms curling around his knees. It took him a moment to answer.
“... Back, before I woke up, I… I was betrothed.” Hyrule sucked in a small breath, but gave no other sign of surprise. “I remember her being kind, and loving, and graceful… but I don’t remember loving her. I don’t know if I ever loved her.”
A flash of red, a small smile, and a lilting voice. Webbed hands that glowed with healing magic, a silk sash that deigned royalty. He remembered these flashes, remembered what she was like—but what were his feelings towards those little details?
“I know that she loved me. It hurts to think- to think that I didn’t love her, and agreed to marry her anyway. And if I did love her—then what happened to me? Was it the Shrine of Resurrection? The isolation?” His voice quieted to a mere whisper. “What happened?”
Hyrule was still; he was always quiet, but this time he was poised as if thinking of a strategy mid-battle. Across the clearing, the others burst into laughter, then quieted again.
“... It’s not as uncommon as you’d think,” Hyrule said finally, and Wild looked up at the odd remark. Now he could see the expression Hyrule wore was concerned but otherwise relaxed. Hyrule looked down at the grass, his eyes glazing a bit as if thinking about something far away. “I’ve met an old woman who’d always preferred living on her own, a warrior who thought it all—all of the romance—bland and pointless. Plenty.” His eyes flicked back up again. “It’s not odd to simply not want anything to do with partners. Though I can’t say about your betrothed, but… if this is the way you are, right now, then that’s certainly not broken. Pretty normal, even.”
Hyrule shrugged, as if he hadn’t just handed Wild the shining solution to all his worries. It took Wild a moment to process what he just said. This was normal? Weren’t married couples normal? Man and woman—or, even, as he’d discovered out in his travels, the occasional man and man, or woman and woman? Was that not the goal?
“I thought… that most people want what the Old Man has,” Wild disagreed softly. “A home. A family. I mean, I know there are those who don’t believe they’ll find it—but I figured that it was, I guess, expected?”
Hyrule hummed thoughtfully. “Well, it depends. Do you want that? I certainly never have.”
“Really?”
Hyrule hesitated. “... Maybe when I was a child. There’s something… comforting about coming home to someone who treats you like family.” Something sad and vulnerable shined in his eyes. “I can really appreciate that.”
Wild’s heart hurt at how open Hyrule was being with him. Part of him wanted to wrap his friend in a hug, but he restrained himself, afraid of ruining what they had. He pondered Hyrule’s words, and felt a tingling sense of hope as he matched their feelings to each other.
“... So, you’ve never… had a crush on someone?” Wild asked quietly, hoping his friend would forgive him for prodding, “You’ve never fallen in love?”
“No.” Hyrule gave that answer easily, his vulnerability immediately replaced by a look of annoyance. “No, definitely not. I don’t understand those flowery feelings people talk about. I’ve never gotten them. I prefer it this way.” He shrugged, and let out a breath. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to get sharp with you. I’ve just gotten this question before, and… the people who ask it aren’t as polite as you.”
Wild nodded, looking away. So, then, maybe “normal” was a bit of an exaggeration from Hyrule. Yet, the way he talked about it, this… (lack of desire, maybe? He didn’t know what to call it) well, maybe it was just, fine? Like how Hylians with red hair were uncommon, but it didn’t have any real influence on whether they were good or bad, fulfilled in life or not—just an uncommon trait?
And he understood Hyrule’s annoyance all too well. He had fragmented memories of being a knight of Hyrule, a group that must have undoubtedly been rowdy at times, but he knew that when he heard men drunkenly make passes at women at inns and stables, it triggered some old resentment deep inside of him. He didn’t understand, couldn’t understand how they could chase after someone simply for ‘pleasure’. Oftentimes, it disgusted him. He tried not to show it—the few times he had, he’d been mocked, and really, there was nothing wrong if the woman was interested, but—he couldn’t help himself, he didn’t want sex, he never had, and people were very quick to challenge him.
He realized they’d been silent for awhile; his fingers were twisting and turning the grass beside him, unknowingly plucking it from the ground. A quick glance told him Hyrule wasn’t asleep, just watching the fire, probably lost in his own thoughts. Wild hesitated a moment, then muttered, “You know, when men try to pick up women at the stables—that really pisses me off.”
Hyrule let out a loud laugh that actually made their other friends look up from across the clearing. They chuckled, and Legend jeered at him to share what was so funny (his way of inviting Hyrule and Wild over to join their conversation), but thankfully, Hyrule waved Legend away, turning to face Wild again.
“Sorry, sorry, I really didn’t expect that.” He laughed again, softer, a beam affixed to his face. “Ah, you of all people, I didn’t expect to be so brazen about it.”
Wild shrugged and ignored the blush on his face. “Well, it’s hardly a bad thing to be brazen about! It’s awful, the way they treat the girls sometimes.You should understand, you don’t go about picking up women at taverns, do you?”
He meant it to be rhetorical, considering the way Hyrule had related to his plight, but Hyrule blushed and looked to the side. His grin, which had been simply mirth, became a bit more sheepish, more nervous.
“Ah, well…”
Wild wasn’t sure how to react. “What—but you just said—you haven’t—have you?” He managed finally, suddenly feeling ashamed and betrayed. Was this all an elaborate lie?
“No, no, don’t get me wrong, the way some people go about it is just shameful—” Hyrule put his hands up in a sign of innocence, “—but I can, if they’re willing, I might ask someone, you know—to bed,” he finished sloppily, cringing a bit at his own words. Wild marveled a bit at how flustered Hyrule was (he tended to be the most calm and collected of them all) but then pushed that feeling aside to focus on the treachery.
“You said you weren’t interested!” Wild accused, rather hurt. All of this, and Hyrule was suddenly backtracking?
“I’m not interested in the romance, that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy myself from time to time!”
“That’s the same thing!”
“That’s not the same thing!” Hyrule scoffed, looking incredulous.
“Yes, they are,” Wild insisted. Hyrule looked ready to argue, but then he hesitated, and gave Wild a look.
He didn’t like that look: he’d seen it before, on other people’s faces. It was especially common when he first woke up, when he’d started running into people for the first time. You don’t know what you’re talking about, do you? it criticized, the judgement searing into him. How do you not know this? A child would know this.
Shame welled up inside of Wild, and he started to consider ways to get out of this situation—flailing through a lie, or making a hasty excuse to leave—but then Hyrule’s expression changed to something softer, more friendly.
“Kid, no one else has talked to you about this?” Hyrule asked abruptly, a little bit cheekily. “Any of this couple stuff?”
“N-No?” Wild stammered, startled by the change in conversation. There couldn’t have been something that big that he missed, could it? “Well, maybe—there are some things, you know, that I just know. I think, probably, things I picked up before the shrine? I mean, it’s not like I’m clueless—”
“Kid, you’re rambling,” Hyrule interrupted, still with that mildly concerned, mildly amused look. Wild closed his mouth immediately, burning. “... I think I see where the confusion lies,” Hyrule murmured finally, resting his chin on his hand.
“What do you mean?” Wild dared to ask, still embarrassed. Hyrule chuckled.
“Romance and sex aren’t the same thing,” Hyrule explained easily. Wild flushed again at how simply Hyrule said those words.
“I- well, sure, but you have both things with the same person—” Wild defended himself quickly.
“No, kid, they’re not the same thing!” Hyrule laughed again, and shoved Wild’s shoulder playfully. “You can certainly have one without the other.”
Wild hesitated, then argued back, “Define ‘romance’.”
“Being in love,” Hyrule stated easily. “Caring about the person. Enjoying them and their personality.” Wild opened his mouth. “Not being physical with them. That’s separate. It could be romantic,” Hyrule added in a lilting tone, with a large grin, and Wild groaned, sure now that Hyrule was enjoying this. “But, really, it’s two separate choices. The first to be with them, commit to them, and second, to make things physical.”
“It’s still two choices you make with the same person,” Wild said irately, confused with Hyrule’s argument. “Why does it matter?”
“No, you can make just one!” Hyrule argued, starting to look a bit peeved. “Take me for example. I don’t want a relationship. I’ve never wanted one. But I can be attracted to people! I can say, hey, let’s do something together, without making it about love. It happens all the time!”
“Yeah, but you can’t do the opposite!” Wild shot back, “You can’t be all about love and not be physical with a person! They’re going to expect you to be!”
“Of course you can!” Hyrule burst out, exasperated. “Of course you can have a relationship without sex! Why not?”
Wild opened his mouth, but paused. Something about Hyrule’s frustration, something uncommon for the hero, meant that he really meant what he was saying. So…
Wild chewed on his lip for a moment. “... But eventually, someone’s going to want to do something,” he grumbled, looking down. “One person will say no, the other yes, and it’s really going to bother them.”
“Then find someone who it won’t bother,” Hyrule stated easily, sensing Wild’s receptiveness.
A relationship without any sexual desire, huh?
“That seems difficult,” Wild insisted, but his mind was starting to leave this conversation. What defined being attracted to someone, then? If you simply cared about them and found them interesting, but didn’t want to be physical with them?
“Maybe, but it’s still possible.” Hyrule shifted. His tone had calmed back down to conversational, but there was a hesitancy to his words. “... Are you alright?”
Wild looked back at Hyrule, surprised. “Yeah, just thinking.”
“Oh.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, I got heated there.”
“... It's… It’s fine.” Something was starting to click in Wild’s brain. He thought about some feelings he’d had before, people he’d gotten to know. “... I think you and I… might be opposite.”
“Opposite?”
“I don’t care for sex, but… I think, then, I might’ve liked someone?” He scratched his head, wondering why this felt familiar. “If I just admired them and enjoyed being around them— maybe it was back before I can remember, or—”
Oh.
The force of it hit him like a wave—like a wave that might carry a Zora, a strong, tall Zora, with a sharp-toothed grin and a booming voice shouting encouragement.
Oh.
That’s how he felt about Sidon.
He had a crush on Sidon?!
He froze, the conversation basically forgotten, analyzing everything he felt about the Zora prince. Yes, he really, really cared about him. He’d started even growing a bit protective of him—though it wasn’t really warranted, since Sidon could take care of himself. And he found him fascinating. They could talk for hours—they had, since he’d vanquished the Calamity, and he’d found himself visiting the domain more often. But, he’d explained to himself, it wasn’t a crush. He didn’t want Sidon like that , like a piece of meat, like something he wanted to take. He didn’t want anyone like that.
But if a crush could exist without that desire?
“Hey. Hey, kid. You there?” Hyrule snapped his fingers in front of WIld’s face, bringing him back to the present.
“Sorry, I just—I think I just realized something,” Wild said sheepishly, and tugged his hood up before he could help himself.
“What did you realize?” Hyrule asked, a bit excitedly. “You can’t not tell me, after all of this.”
Wild shook his head, refusing. How would he even begin to explain his and the prince’s relationship? And Sidon, Sidon was male, that was a whole other issue, he had no idea how Hyrule felt about that. Or really, he was more worried that Hyrule would try to teach him about that, and he was more than overwhelmed already.
But he felt bad leaving Hyrule in the dark, after being taken under his wing. He thought for a moment, trying to come up with a simple answer that wouldn’t bring up too many questions.
“... I think I’m gay.”
Hyrule snorted, accidentally kicking the bowl he had beside him. Across the clearing, none of their friends even noticed. “Great,” he laughed, much more excited than Wild thought he would be. “Wonderful, actually. Now I know I can talk about men with you.” He gave Wild a cheeky grin.
“I thought you liked women?” Wild protested, dismissing his thoughts about Sidon for later. Hyrule shrugged.
“Why not both?”
“You can like both?!”