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Reggie can remember the first night he spent here, curled up under the wooden docks. It was his place. It’s been his place since he was a kid - he even used his pocket knife to engrave a little R P on one of the support planks to claim it as his own. No one else comes here, underneath the docks. It’s dark and it’s muddy and half the time the tides are so high Reggie has to cuff his jeans and hang his sneakers around his neck so they don’t get soaked but this is his place. Under the docs was just far enough away so Reggie couldn’t hear his parents’ fighting anymore..
He still hears screaming though.
The screams hidden within the crashing of the waves as they break away bits and pieces of the rocky beach. Reggie likes it when the ocean yells at him. The ocean doesn’t make Reggie feel anything. It’s an ocean. As Reggie listens to the call of the crested water he’ll roll his jeans up and kick off his shoes. He’d shove his socks into them, the shoes. They were the only pair he had, he couldn’t afford to get them ruined by saltwater stains. Reggie listened as the ocean roared louder, a storm brewing along the horizon line told him he was going to be in for a long night.
Reggie walked along the edge of the water, where it rolls up to meet the sand then recedes back into the depths of the ocean. As he journeyed along the coast Reggie saw three baby turtles get tossed onto shore. They were flipped onto their backs, their limbs flailing about helplessly. Fate was cruel, Reggie decided. He knelt down and helped the little turtle's back into the water, watching as they happily reunited with their friends. Once he was done with the turtles Reggie made his way back to the docks, kicking up water as he ventured back to his safe space.
This, the hiding under the docks thing was just a Reggie thing. It was one of the only things he usually had to himself. Maybe that was selfish, maybe he should share it more with Alex, Luke, and Bobby, but he just… he couldn’t. The docks were special. The ocean was special. The passing thought of his bandmates twisted his heart in his ribcage. A snake coiled it’s way through his rib cage, constricting around his heart. This time he wasn’t hiding and playing hide n seek because of his parents.
This time he was at the docks because of his bandmates.
Except maybe Bobby. Bobby probably didn’t know either.
Reggie had shown up to the studio fifteen minutes early in the aftermath of one of his parents’ infamous arguments. He wasn’t expecting anyone else to be there. Bobby was usually the latest out of all of them even though he literally lived in the house next door to the garage they played in. In all honesty he just wanted to get out of the house - his parents were getting worse than ever before.
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The memory was as fresh as ever in Reggie’s mind. It haunted him - there was nothing like walking in on two of your best friends kissing each other. All Reggie wanted to do was get to the studio extra early. It was the only time he could usually practice banjo without Luke breathing down his neck about how country doesn’t count as music. Luke was the main songwriter of the band but that didn’t mean Reggie couldn’t try, right? If Luke’s guitar was tied to his living soul then the banjo was intertwined into Reggie’s. His soul, that is. Each pluck of a banjo string kept Reggie’s secrets twisted and tied into complicated knots in his mind. Secrets Reggie had kept secrets for months until now.
He wasn’t - he wasn’t gay. Reggie knew that much. He knew he liked girls. Girls were fun and their hair smelled good and they were cute and they had soft lips but… but Alex, Luke, and Bobby were also fun and cute. Luke looked adorable when he was flustered by something. Bobby looked fucking hot in those suspenders and Alex well Alex? Alex was good and Alex was kind and warm and - Reggie shook his head to clear his thoughts. The storm at his parent’s house was enough for him to bear alone, he shouldn’t brew one where there shouldn’t be one.
When he woke up Reggie’s storm had been bearable. Maybe it was a little worse because of the recent tick in his anxiety lately. It raged a little bit louder because his dad missed the last bill payment so they were even further into the red than before. Maybe Reggie’s storm wasn’t as bearable as he liked to pretend it was, but sometimes pretending was kinder than Reggie acknowledging the truth. The truth, like what he walked in on today before practice.
Reggie walked in on Alex and Luke kissing each other.
As if walking in on them wasn’t enough Luke’s shirt was discarded at his side. His fingers were curled into fists as they balled up Alex’s sweatshirt against his chest. Reggie saw his friends kiss each other. Maybe it could’ve been a mistake, it could’ve been a dare or a one off but… Reggie knew in his chest it wasn’t their first. It took them all of five minutes to realize Reggie was watching them. It was long enough for Reggie to see the doe-eyed look Luke looked at Alex with. Long enough for Reggie to see the way Alex’s right hand gently tugged at the roots of Luke’s hair, while his left hand rested against his back. It was long enough for Reggie to see what he’d been to blind to realize for who knows how long - Alex and Luke were in love with each other. Reggie didn’t remember what he said, or if anything was said at all when they looked at him like deer caught in headlights. All he remembered was backing out of the studio and breaking into a sprint, beelining to the beach.
Reggie let out a choked sounding sob as he curled up on the rocky beach. He knew he wasn’t gay - at least, not like how Alex was. Alex said he only liked boys and yeah, Reggie liked boys. Particularly two musically inclined boys. Even more specifically a blond and a brunette, a drummer and a guitarist respectively. Does it count if the only boys he actually likes are his bandmates? They’re just that.. Bandmates, friends, brothers. They don’t kiss at least, Reggie thought they didn’t kiss. Except Alex and Luke apparently do.
The storm swirls in his mind in tandem with the beat of the waves crashing onto the little rock he’s sitting on. Reggie had his knees pulled tightly to his chest with his arms wrapped around his legs. He’s hiding - that’s what Reggie always does when an issue pops up and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. Hiding like he did with Brandon, playing hide and seek as the bad things hunt for them. Reggie was hiding like the crystal blue sky hiding behind the storms. Reggie was hiding like the sun did at night, until morning came and sunrise brakes the horizon. He saw Luke and Alex kissing - LukeandAlex kissing. Reggie thought took his sun and he buried it so far inside the depths of his chest under lock and key he knew he’d be able to ignore it. Especially not after today, not after watching LukeandAlex looking like they did when they kissed.
Its a nursery rhyme, Reggie mused to himself as his sand coated feet started to dry just in time for a new round of waves to crash over them. Little Reggie Peters sleeps under the docks, hiding from his friends who’s friendship with him will never last. Poor Little Reggie Peters, who won’t be able to escape from his past. Sawdust from the wooden planks above him fell as footsteps from tourists thundered overhead. “Sometimes it’s the feeling of being safe…” Reggie sang, a new melody forming in his head - lyrics and chords. Reggie let the music flood his mind, using it to block out the raging storm around him.
He’d have to go back to the studio to actually compose the song. That was something he didn’t want to do. Ever. Call him childish or a fool sure. Maybe he is being stupid. It was just a kiss right? It’s not like Alex and Luke have been secretly dating right? Alex and Luke with their warm hugs and reassuring smiles. Alex and Luke with the strength Reggie needs just to get through the day sometimes. AlexandLuke with their heart eyes and their kisses and… AlexandLuke when Reggie would insert himself into their cuddles and their nights out and just… AlexandLuke and Reggie.
He should’ve been able to tell something else was going on.
There was no way Reggie was that emotionally inept.
The waves grew higher as they crested in the distance, collapsing and chipping away at the rocky beach. The storm raged louder as the truth behind the band’s dynamic finally came to fruition in Reggie’s mind. The reason behind Bobby gagging whenever Alex and Luke kissed or did anything remotely adorably cute. The reason why Alex and Luke would sometimes stay late, and Bobby would distract Reggie with the promise of pizza or a Star Wars marathon.
AlexandLuke were dating.
Without him.
The storm around him raged on. The waves cried out angrily as they cut away at the sand dunes and rolled between his toes. The storm raged on in his mind, thoughts swirled around like a tsunami. Girls and boys and Luke and Alex and kissing boys - Reggie squeezes his eyes shut to cut off that train of thought. Maybe he shouldn’t care about it so much. He was definitely overreacting; it was only one kiss. It could’ve been a dare. It could’ve happened by accident… except it didn’t.
If the rare sight of seeing a completely relaxed Alex was anything to go by. If the way Luke’s smile curled around his lips in such a way Reggie has never seen before. If the way Alex was pulling Luke into his chest was anything to go by…
It was serene.
It was beautiful.
It meant love.
The waves crashed and the sound of the seagulls crying overhead echoed in his mind.
Little Reggie Peters sat alone under the docks with his knees pulled to his chest.
Saltwater tears were streaming down his face now. There wasn’t a lighthouse in the distance anymore. There was nothing warm for Reggie to hold onto. There was nothing amongst the chaos of the storm for Reggie to use to pull himself above the water. There was no light in the sea of dark, choppy waves in Reggie’s mind. There was no lighthouse. There was no guide home.
AlexandLuke.
Was he not good enough for them? Maybe they just… forgot to ask him out too. Reggie wasn’t stupid. Okay maybe he was flunking geometry but there’s more to life than the square root of pi. He knew he was all kinds of messed up in the head but if Reggie knew one thing it was that he loved his bandmates. Reggie loved them so much it tore his heart in half knowing they were kissing each other without kissing him too. Maybe they were being kind, not telling him the truth. There was no safe space left for him in the studio anymore.
It’s the feeling of being safe.
In a moment of calm Reggie laid on the ground in the eye of the storm. His body was curled tightly into itself, fetal and weak as his freezing cold clothes stuck to his skin. Though the storm was still raging Reggie could hear voices calling out for him. Voices that sounded worried and scared - but they couldn’t be for him. Nobody cared about him enough to be scared for him. Not anymore.
“Reggie where are you?” The voices asked, calling out. They were still above him, walking along the pier. The lightbulb in his lighthouse flickered, it was weak… but it was there, flickering and flickering as it fought against the strength of the storm. It Something to signal him home - the voice - he knew the voice he just couldn’t place it. The winds were too loud and the clouds were too dark but he heard the voice. The voice was warm, the voice was kind. Either way Reggie trusted the voice, he knew the person the voice belonged to.
Reggie squeezed his eyes shut as he heard footsteps crunching along the rocky beach. He shivered as he dug his fingernails into his arms.
“I got him Luke, he’s down here!”
Someone reached out and gently combed their fingers through Reggie’s hair. With their other hand they carefully pried his hands away from his skin. “I’ve got you Reggie,” Alex said. He moved around to get down onto Reggie’s level.
Suddenly Little Reggie Peters isn’t alone under the docks anymore.
A hand is on his shoulder, a finger tipping his chin up so he could see Alex’s face. The concern and worry reflecting in his eyes was too real to be a mirage or another trick from Reggie’s mind. Alex? Reggie thought, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. Then his mind processed the information that Alex had called back for Luke. “Alex?” Reggie asked. His voice was thick and scratchy when he spoke. Reggie swallowed thickly as tears spilled down from his eyes, streaking his cheeks.
He lost hide and seek.
Alex nodded and carefully pulled Reggie into his lap. Reggie wanted to protest, but Alex was too warm and comfortable to pass up. Reggie curled into Alex’s chest as he shook, letting Alex consul and comfort him as he cried. Reggie wrapped his arms around Alex’s chest and clutched at his sweatshirt. “I’ve got you,” Alex promised, holding onto Reggie just as tightly back. He pressed his face into Reggie’s hair. It took Reggie a few seconds to realize Alex had kissed the top of his head. He couldn’t bring himself to worry about that now so Reggie just pressed his face into Alex’s shoulder and let the blond fret over his soaking wet clothes. “I’ve got you Reggie you’re okay,” Alex promised. He pulled away from Reggie. When Reggie looked at Alex he could tell Alex had been crying too.
Luke tripped down the rocky dunes as he ran to them - to Reggie. “Thank god,” Luke said. He quickly knelt at Reggie’s side and pulled him in for a careful hug. “You’re okay don’t you ever scare us like that again okay?” He scolded lightly. Reggie let himself get pulled into Luke’s chest, enjoying the sudden warmth and affection amidst the sticky coldness of his clothes.
Reggie’s confused about a lot of things to be honest but right now this was the most confusing. Why would Luke and Alex stop hanging out with each other just to look for him? Before he could say anything Alex pulled off his pink hoodie and shoved it onto Reggie. He helped Reggie pull his arms through the sleeves carefully. Got soaked almost instantly, but the weight and the long sleeves were welcomed with thanks. Reggie got even more confused as Alex and Luke began to help put him back together again. They didn’t talk much but the way they acted - they were treating Reggie like he was something special. Like he was something precious. That couldn’t be right though. They were dating each other. Three people couldn’t date. Reggie shook any thoughts out of his head and just basked in letting AlexandLuke pamper him.
The people you come home to at the end of the day.
“Luke?” Reggie asked after a few minutes. He smacked his dried out lips together. Luke nodded and reached out to grab Reggie’s hand. Reggie let him hold it. Luke’s hands were big enough to swallow Reggie’s one hand between both of them. Luke squeezed Reggie’s hand and rested their foreheads together. Alex was still nearby, gathering Reggie’s wet and dirty clothes presumably.
“Never do that again okay?” Luke asked. Reggie’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked at Luke. “We were scared,” Luke explained. Alex made a noise of agreement and reached out to squeeze Reggie’s shoulder. Reggie’s eyebrows furrowed deeper. Why would Alex and Luke be scared of him?
“We were scared?” Reggie repeated. Reggie’s voice was so small it was overcome by the howling winds and choppy waves of the sea. He felt weird as he stared at Luke. It was like he’s watching the scene in third person. He wanted to hug Luke back. He wanted to kiss Alex’s forehead and thank him but… “You only wear someone’s sweatshirt if you’re dating them,” Reggie said. His voice fell flat and emotionless. Reggie’s face stilled, his body tense. Alex exchanges a glance with Luke… then Luke leaned forward and rested his forehead against Reggie’s. Luke reached up and cupped Reggie’s cheek as he nuzzled their noses together.
“We were scared we were going to lose you before we got you,” Luke said quietly. Alex reached out to gently comb through Reggie’s hair. Alex’s touch was gentle and kind, and Luke was warm. It was nice, and calm. It was intimate. “We wanted to tell you but you left before we could and -” Alex cut Luke’s rambling off with a quiet shush.
Reggie was very confused.
He was also very cold.
“Tell me?” Reggie asked. The waves crash around him. The storm still raged in his mind but all Reggie could pay attention to was the soft pitter patter of his heart whenever Alex or Luke touched him. Alex nodded with a soft smile curled on his lips. He watched Reggie carefully, what for Reggie would never know.
“Reggie,” Alex said softly. He leaned forward to whisper into Reggie’s ear. “We both love you.” Reggie knew the answer to this question. He’d been playing this game for so long he’s almost a master at it. Familial love was all they’ve ever had for each other well… except for recently apparently, excluding Reggie. His feelings only worked one way… right? There was no possible logical reason why Alex and Luke would be AlexandLukeandReggie. Reggie turned to Alex and reached out to spread his fingers over his chest. Reggie nodded carefully, hoping he was answering right.
“Love you too. We’re brothers,” Reggie said and almost instantly Luke’s face warped into confusion and hurt. Reggie jerked back like he’d been shocked. He pulled his hand away from Alex’s chest and curled back into himself. Reggie could see the waves grow closer, the darkened water cut through the sand like blades.
“No - hey, Reggie I’m not angry at you. We Love love you Reggie. Not like brothers. Like… like more than friends,” Luke began. He tried and failed to explain how things went so wrong just when they were getting good. How he tried to make a whole plan to seduce Reggie but it obviously failed epically. Alex ended up pushing Luke into the sea , sending him to the waves with a surprised yelp. Luke’s head popped up a ways into the water but he seemed to be alright. A smile curled on Reggie’s face as Luke stumbled out of the water with a puppy pout on his face. He was soaking wet from head to toe. Luke shot Reggie a mischievous smile then shook his hair out in Alex’s direction, spraying him with water. Alex rolled his eyes at Luke’s idiocy and returned to comforting Reggie.
“Ignore Luke he’s bad at explaining things,” Alex said as he ran a hand through Reggie’s hair. A sudden wave of exhaustion crashed through his bones and Reggie sagged into Alex’s chest. Alex chuckled and wrapped his arms around Reggie. “It’s okay Reggie. We love you,” Alex promised as he pulled Reggie into his lap, not caring about getting wet.
“We love you so much,” Luke said. He kissed the top of Reggie’s head as the sun streams through the thunder clouds above them. “So so so much.” When Luke pulled away from Reggie he plopped on the ground next to Alex and leaned into him. Reggie glanced at Luke and saw him wearing the same expression he wore when Alex kissed him in the studio.
Love.
“You… love me?” Reggie asked. It wasn’t much of a question, he just didn’t know what else to say. His voice felt disconnected from his body, lost to the storm in the sea. Reggie looked to Alex who nodded and gently cupped Reggie’s cheek with his right hand. The callouses from Alex’s drumsticks were hard, but Reggie didn’t care. He savored the touch, leaning into it. Reggie waited all of five seconds before leaning forward, beating Alex to the punch. He felt their lips press together and Reggie melted into Alex’s chest with a happy sigh. “Love you both too,” Reggie said. He reached out and made grabby hands towards Luke. Reggie pulled the guitarist in and kissed his nose, pulling him into their makeshift snuggle pile. Luke let out a shout of victory and cuddled into Reggie’s chest. Reggie giggled and Alex let out a grateful laugh as a rainbow shined in the sky, curving high above where they lay hidden from the world.
After a few seconds of happy cuddling Alex got fidgety. “We gotta get you cleaned up, Bobby’s probably got some spare towels.” Alex managed to wiggle out and stand up, tugging the other two boys to their feet as well. Reggie grinned at Alex then shakes out his hair so water sprays in his direction exactly like what Luke did earlier. He made Alex let out a squeak of disgust as he scooted away from him and out of projectile range. Luke managed to distract Reggie from his attack by pulling him in for a kiss. No wonder Sydney Crawford was so flustered when she left the closet after seven minutes in heaven with Luke. Reggie let out a quiet moan when Luke used the tip of his tongue to tease Reggie’s lips. “Behave,” Alex scolded, using a rolled up flannel to smack it against Luke’s ass. Luke whined but pulled away from Reggie. Reggie pouted at Alex, his bottom lip jutting out as he tried to look equally sad and disappointed. Alex chuckled and shook his head. He pulled Reggie in and kissed the pout right off his lips.
Tonight little Reggie Peters won’t sleep under the docks.
Instead he slept at home, leaving the storm behind him. With Alex curled around Reggie on one side, and Luke sprawled on top of both of them Reggie wouldn’t even dare think of sleeping anywhere else. The lighthouse was back again, and the light burned brighter than ever.