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When Reggie first told Luke about the docks. About why they were such a special place for him, that if he stared hard enough into the sea he could see his ranch back home (they both knew it was a lie but Luke wasn’t mean enough to call him on it). Luke just… never understood it. He never had to run away from his house. At least, not for the reasons Reggie says he does. When the storm roars over the music and all the bassist can do is try to keep it together until the towering waves crash through him and Luke catches him before his knees can hit the carpet of the studio. When his parents get into a fight that lasts for three days straight, glasses being thrown and bottles hitting the wall Reggie would hide in a place that was as dark as the storm clouds raging above him.
Luke never understood what he meant by that.
Until now.
Until his fight with Alex.
Over something as stupid as beat.
Luke thought it should’ve been played one way, Alex thought it should’ve been played the other way and things got out of control way too fast. If anything he was more ashamed of himself than he was saddened by the fact that he fought with him. Ashamed that they fought knowing full well that Reggie was in the room. He fought with Alex over something as petty as music beats… this time. Things have been tense between the two of them lately. Like a string was pulled taught waiting to snap in half. “Fuck,” Luke said, finally speaking for the first time since their fight. Fuck , seemed like the right word in this scenario.
Luke called Alex dumb. He called Alex an awful drummer but the worst - the worst possible thing he could’ve said he did. Just the thought of the word he called Alex makes him want to throw up, so he does. Luke almost ends up falling off the docks but he flattens his chest over the side of it and throws his lunch up and hears it splash into the ocean below him. He breathes heavily as he sits back up, leaning his back against the wooden support post with his legs on the hardwood, his knees bent in front of him as he bows his head.
Fuck.
He didn’t mean to say it, he didn’t. But some things were better left unsaid, and Luke knows if he gets into a fight he spouts the first insult that comes to mind and the fact that the insult he decided to say was - he bends over the side and throws up again.
God he feels so sick. So vile. So… inhumane.
He’s shaking now. He can tell - he’s wearing the blue hoodie he cut the sleeves off of cause Reggie dared him he wouldn’t. Luke’s crying too, unless eyes can sweat… can eyes sweat? He should look that up somehow. Maybe the library has a book on sweating eyeballs… He should go to the library, Luke figures but his legs don’t seem to be connected to his brain right now. He just flops to onto his side, his arm gets a splinter but it’s a small price to pay for the thing he called Alex. His voice, the one he used to write Bright, the one he used to write Alex’s song . The one Reggie listens to when Luke has to sing him lullabies otherwise he’ll wake up halfway through the night because of a nightmare. The voice he uses to connect to the audiences at their shows. The voice he uses to fight with his mom. He called Alex That . Luke almost pukes again but then someone’s shadow stands in the way of the sun and a new voice says, “this is my spot Luke.” Reggie. Sweet, sweet Reggie who’s never dared hurt a fly before in his life.
“Can’t claim the docks Reggie,” Luke says, his voice hoarse and raw. He’s not going to be able to sing for days. Not that he wants to sing right now anyway. Before he can say anything else Reggie pushes Luke’s legs so they dangle off the end of the docks and plops on the ground next to him.
“Pretty sure I did Luke. Carved my initials into it and everything,” Reggie says back. He’s talking to Luke like he didn’t fight in front of him. Like he didn’t throw a slur at their boyfriend over the beat of Now Or Never . Like he actually deserves to still be Reggie’s friend.
The voices of the seagulls call through the wind, crying out as they fly their way home.
Luke breaks first, he can’t stand another second not knowing if Alex is okay. If he quit the band or not. If he ran back to his parent’s house which Luke hopes to god he didn’t do. Without looking at Reggie Luke says, “is he…” and then he trails off because his voice disappears into a slew of coughs and he throws up a little bit in the back of his throat again.
“He’s fine. He’s with Bobby,” Reggie explains. He scoots a little closer to Luke. Luke scoots away from him. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Luke lets out a little laugh, leave it to Reggie to care about people who don’t deserve it.
“Why?” Luke asks earnestly. He expected to be kicked out of his own band. For Reggie to yell - even though Reggie has never yelled before in his life. Luke expected for Reggie to disown him, to give him his flannel back.
“We - I still care about you Luke,” Reggie says in a way that tells Luke Alex doesn’t care about him anymore. Maybe he’s reaching, and maybe he’s jumping to conclusions but Luke knows one thing for sure - he doesn’t deserve Alex in his life anymore. “He’s heard worse,” Reggie says, voicing the harsh truth of the world. And that doesn’t make things any better because now Luke can’t have Alex at all anymore. Not like he’s had him. Not like… not like he wants him. Things have been tense between them for months, after they’d gotten out of the honeymoon stage of their relationship.
“You shouldn’t,” Luke says as he stares at the waves. He can’t help but wonder how cold the water really is. How deep the waves can cut through the ocean floor. He’s like a Siren reversed. He pulls sailors close then ruins himself before they can get away to safety. He uses his voice to poison, to scrounge, to hurt the ones he loves. Reggie wraps an arm around Luke’s shoulders and scoots closer to him.
“You know I never listen to you Luke,” Reggie chides, combing his hand through Luke’s hair. Luke blinks at the soft touch, and he can’t help but relax under the feeling of Reggie’s calloused fingers running against his scalp. “Should’ve said, ‘Reggie please love me,’ or some shit like that.” Reggie snorts, leans his head so it rests on the nape of Luke’s neck. He can hear the Sirens whistle, calling him to the sea. Their voices drowning out Reggie’s bass as Luke listens for them call him towards the waves. Luke reaches out and throws his hand over Reggie’s chest, don’t listen to the Sirens Reggie. When Luke realizes how close they are he pulls away from Reggie muttering apologizes. “Hey, what is it?” Reggie asks, pulling Luke back to him. Pulling Luke away from the cry of the Sirens and the seagulls song above them.
“The Sirens…” Luke trails off, staring out into the sea. “Can you hear them?” He asks, knowing how insane he must be sounding. The Sirens were just a metaphor for the thoughts running through his brain. Reggie takes Luke’s hand in his and gently starts playing with his fingers.
“No Luke,” he answers, resting their foreheads against each other. Reggie’s eyebrows were furrowed in confusion and concern was laced in his eyes. “What are you thinking?” He asks, running his thumb over Luke’s knuckles.
“You said… for you you hear the storm right?” Luke asks hesitantly. “When… when it gets too much you hear thunder?” Reggie nods at him, his expression now serious than before though he still has that small smile stretched across his face.
“Yes Luke. I hear thunder,” Reggie confirms with a little head nod. “It’s Sirens for you?” He asks gently, reaching up to cup Luke’s face. Luke nods then turns his head to face the sea again. “I guess it makes sense, beautiful girls, beautiful voices. Much more Luke than a thunderstorm,” Reggie says half-teasing. Luke manages to give him a small smile and Reggie pokes his chest. “ There he is!” Reggie exclaims, his eyes shining with happiness. The skies were clear today it seems. Luke smiles a little bit bigger just to make Reggie happier. Reggie deserved to be happy, Reggie deserved the world . The bassist reaches up to hook his arms around Luke’s neck, holding him close. “You ready to get back?” He asks, searching Luke’s face for any hint of a lie. But Luke didn’t have a Siren’s voice. He wasn’t sitting on a rock waiting for a sailor to pass by, tricking him with his voice. So he swallowed thickly and Luke nods in response, blinking a new wave of unshed tears out of his eyes.
“Yeah I’m… I’m ready to go back in,” Luke says, letting Reggie pull him away from the call of the Sirens haunting his mind. It was time to face the music, even if he didn’t like the song that was playing.
When they got back to the studio the hushed whispers of Sirens singing still wrapped around Luke’s mind but the dull hum of Reggie’s bass had drowned out the worst of it. They walk into the studio at the same time, Luke sticking close to Reggie’s side and he can’t help but feel like a stranger in his own home. Not that he doesn’t deserve it.
Alex is still sitting at his drum set, in deep conversation with Bobby. He looked like he spent time crying too, he’s shaking his head ‘no’ to a question Bobby must’ve answered. Reggie cleared his voice and spoke up, “look who I found sitting on the docks this afternoon!” He says, shoving Luke a little bit closer to Alex. Alex’s eyes snap to him and suddenly Luke can hear the roar of waves rushing in his ears and maybe Alex was the real siren after all, being able to mesmerize someone with a single look. His cheeks were tearstained and his hair was ruffled. Alex’s eyes were bloodshot and the sharp gaze he met Luke with made him wince in response but he couldn’t bring himself to look away.
“You two, talk about emotions. Reggie and I will be making pizzas for whenever you’re done talking about whatever this is,” Bobby says, dragging Reggie out of the studio by the scruff of his jacket.
And then Luke was alone with Alex.
And he could hear the Sirens cry again.
“Hi,” Luke says, taking the first leap at the frozen waters between them. He manages a weak smile and a small wave and not much else. “I’m sorry,” he says after swallowing back the taste of bile growing in his throat again. “I didn’t mean it.” He can feel Alex’s harsh gaze as Luke crosses the studio to plop onto his couch, the mattresses squeaking under his weight.
“Why’d you say it?” Alex asks, his own voice sounding worse off than Luke’s. “If you didn’t mean it Luke why’d you say it?” Luke fidgets on the couch and tries to pry his eyes away from the Siren’s voice haunting his mind. “No, look at me when you answer. Why did you… call me a -” Luke cuts him off before he can say the word himself.
“ - I don’t know.” Luke admits, looking Alex in the eyes like he requested. “I… I don’t know,” he deflates and he can hear the Siren’s call all the way from the docks. Alex’s gaze softens and he covers the distance between them in a few short strides, taking a knee in front of Luke, holding his hands. “But I said it and I called you a -” Luke gags again and turns his head away from Alex incase something decides to come up again, but at this point he’s just dry heaving. Luke can feel tears roll down his cheek as Alex tips his chin to face him again.
“It wasn’t your fault Luke,” Alex says, reaching up to gently place his hand against the back of Luke’s neck. “I don’t hate you.”
The Sirens stop singing.
“What?” Luke asks, honestly hoping he heard Alex right. The drummer nods at him, and leans close to kiss the tip of his nose.
“I don’t hate you Luke. I don’t think I ever could to be honest…” Alex hesitates for a beat then he continues, and there’s something sad reflecting in his eyes. “But something about us isn’t working anymore,” he says, and now Alex is crying too. Luke didn’t think Sirens could cry before, he reaches his own hand up to gently brush the tears off of Alex’s cheek.
“But Reggie isn’t -”
“ - I already talked to him about it. He agrees.”
“Oh…”
The Sirens are singing again.
Luke swallows thickly as Alex presses a wet kiss against his lips. “So this is… goodbye?” He asks, resting their foreheads together. Alex shakes his head lightly in response, his finger still tipping Luke’s chin up so he can’t turn away.
“Never. Maybe we should call it a… a new hello,” Alex suggests with a small smile. Luke thinks for a few seconds and then he nods, kissing Alex on the forehead.
“Hello,” Luke says, holding out his hand like they’re meeting for the first time. “I’m Luke, I play guitar and my best friend likes horses.” Alex smiles wider as he takes Luke’s hand,
“Nice to meet you Luke. I’m Alex and my best friend likes horses too.” He says with a light chuckle. “Haven’t you heard? It’s a small world out there.” Luke smiles at him, and the Siren’s call fades to the back of his mind, a memory long forgotten.
“I’m in a band Alex, we’re looking for a drummer.” Luke says, “you wouldn’t happen to know someone would you?” Alex runs a hand through Luke’s hair and Luke relaxes more.
“As a matter of fact I do. When’s the next practice?” Alex asked him, a familiar twinkle shining in the corner of his eyes.
The Sirens still whisper in Luke's mind a month later, calling him out to sea. But Luke can’t afford to listen for them anymore.
They booked the Orpheum!