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They played the Orpheum and then an hour afterwards three fourths of Bobby Wilson’s family died and his world went mute.
They didn’t even get to play the Orpheum. They played their soundcheck and the guys went off to eat street dogs which - don’t get Bobby wrong the street dogs were a delicacy in the life of a starving musician but there was a pretty girl who’s voice cut through the muddy fog filling his mind and Bobby loved to listen to Rose talk.
So he didn’t go with them and one hour later his world went mute.
Well, not mute but silenced. It felt like he was wading through the depths of the ocean, trying to swim to the top. He can hear Reggie laughing and Alex talking about a new show and Luke humming the tune to a new song and Bobby can hear them … but their voices are distant, just out of reach. Like all he’s doing is remembering memories long forgotten, trying to find the right voice to replace theirs but he can’t.
They say the first thing you forget about a person when they die is the way the sound. You forget their voice. It doesn’t matter how long you spend with them. It doesn’t matter how many nights you spend crammed between three boys you love listening to the sound of their breathing fill the night air. It doesn’t matter how many storms you help chase away or how many sirens you have to fend off for the sake of their sanity.
Three fourths of Bobby’s family was dead.
They died while he was flirting with a girl.
Bobby stared through the window of the examination room Luke, Alex, and Reggie, were all wheeled into. “They survived the ambulance ride,” the doctor said, his voice cutting through the fog filling Bobby’s head. “But they died on arrival. The one in the leather jacket told me to tell you to ‘go to the docks,’” the doctor said with a shrug and an unhelpful smile. “I’m sorry I don’t know what that means.” He said, apologizing for nothing.
The white fluorescent lights shined brightly in the hospital hallway, illuminating the white walls surrounding them. Bobby could hear the squeaking of the wheels as nurses moved the bodies into another room, covering their faces with white sheets that gave Bobby a headache. He could hear the rushing of the waves and the cry of Reggie’s laughter echoing in his mind… but he couldn’t hear their voices. Not anymore.
“It’s okay,” Bobby croaked out, letting Rose guide his hand to shake the doctors. “I do,” he says. His world isn’t full of sound and laughter and music anymore. His world was dark, his mind was cloudy, like a black and white movie. No sound, barely any color left, but the only color he could see was bright red, like from a rose.
“Bobby we need to go to the car okay?” Rose asked him, whispered really. Bobby swallows thickly and nods his head, squeezing her hand in confirmation. She exchanged a few words with the doctor he couldn’t care enough to overhear then Rose helped guide him from the third floor back down to the lobby where Ray was waiting for them. Ray, Bobby learned after ten minutes of talking to Rose, was her photographer boyfriend. They shared an apartment and own a cheap car, but it had an engine that ran so that was all Bobby cared about.
“Rose did they…” Ray’s voice asks, filling Bobby’s ears louder then the rush of fog and cotton. Rose doesn’t say anything but judging by the change in the atmosphere she shook her head. No, they didn’t make it.
Bobby was alone.
“The docks,” Bobby says, the first thing since they left the hospital and Ray drove them onto the main roads. “I - I have to go to the docks.” He doesn’t really know why to be honest. He never understood the fascination Luke, Reggie, and Alex had with the docks. It was a Them thing… back when the were - no. Bobby shakes his head to clear his thoughts. It wasn’t like he was close to them like they were to each other. Best the three of them died together than two of them dying with him he supposed… but the docks? Bobby never got the point of the docks… but maybe now he will.
Ray drops him off at the docks as requested and Bobby expects him and Rose to driveway, never to be seen again but instead they just park around down the strip to give him some privacy. The night sky shined with stars reflecting off the darkest parts of the water, shining brightly at him. Almost like the universe was laughing. Look you could’ve been stars! You could’ve been legends!
As Bobby walks down the wooded path into the sea he closes his eyes and takes it all in. He can feel the uneven paneling of the wood under his feet, he can hear how it creaks and cracks as the wind whistles past. Bobby can hear the waves surrounding him, both large and small in size. The waves and the ocean Reggie and Luke are both so in love with. He can taste the saltwater spray in the air and hear the cry of the seagulls from above the clouds.
The three of them - their relationship was confusing half the time but the only thing that mattered was how much they loved each other. Even after Alex broke up with Luke and Reggie they loved each other. And love? Maybe love was the only thing more powerful than death himself considering the three of them died with the people they loved, Bobby figured as he made his way down the wooded path. It was almost fitting the three of them died together, like three fates had cut the strings in their souls just in time to ruin their one shot at becoming legends. He took a shaky breath, shoved his hands into the pockets of Reggie’s leather jacket and continued on. Maybe if he traveled far enough he would be able to hear their voices again.
Instead of hearing their voices all he heard was his own shout of surprise when he trips and almost falls off the end of the dock. He catches himself just before he loses his footing. “Well… I’m here Reggie,” Bobby says, leaning his head against a support post and looking out into the vast sea in front of him. He takes a deep breath and he realizes he can smell seaweed. The smell is so strong he can almost taste it. He swallows thickly and sits in silence, letting the ocean fill his senses. “I don’t really know why I’m here but I’m here,” he mutters, running a hand through his hair. He lets out a laugh and watches a few turtles get left behind on shore after a wave crashes onto it. With a sigh he walks to the edge of the docks and hops down where the sands are higher than the tide so he won’t get as wet. Bobby walks over to the turtles, there’s three of them. “Wow okay thank you universe I didn’t need this today,” Bobby says as he squats down and gently guides the turtles back into the sea.
Instead of going back to the docks, to mope on the surface, Bobby decides to duck under them. Under the docks was kind of Reggie’s thing after all. His shoes and his socks and the bottom cuffs of his jeans got soaked by saltwater but Bobby didn’t care. “Hey Reggie?” He asks, ducking under the wooden platform above him to take in his best friend’s special place. There were a few things to prove Reggie has spent time there. An empty beer can or two, three bottles left of a six pack sat nestled on a flat stone that was moved for Reggie to sit on. “Oh thank you Reggie,” Bobby says gratefully as he climbs onto the short rock to get to the alcohol.
The taste is stronger than seawater, sloshing down his throat in one fluid gulp as he leans against the rock and swishes the bottle around in his hand. “So Reg, what did we learn about ourselves today?” Bobby asks, and then he looks up. A set of crudely carved letters were cut into the bottom of the wood panels, multiple times like Reggie was practicing his whittling technique until he perfected it. Bobby traced the letters, running his index finger in the grooves of the cut wood as tears finally started to roll down his face. There were seventeen engravings, seventeen years. They were just kids when the died. They were his brothers when they died.
Waves roared in his ears.
Thunder clapped like drums in the back of his mind.
Bobby could hear the sirens calling him out to swim into the open sea.
“I’m sorry Reggie,” Bobby manages to say through his tears, through the fog rolling over the depths of his mind. He takes another drink of alcohol but it doesn’t hit the same as before so he chucks it into the ocean. He narrows his eyes as anger boils under his skin, rushing through his veins. “Fuck you!” Bobby yells, punching the air. “Fuck you and your fucking storms and your fucking sirens!” He yells, his voice spreading over the crests of the waves echoing for everyone to hear. “Fucker you - you took my friends!” He shouts, anger boiling in his veins hot enough to steam through the fog.
Bobby wraps his arms around himself tightly, the bottle splashing into the ocean around him. He doesn't care though. The ocean took his friends. The ocean took his family. The ocean can handle a little alcohol poisoning. "Fuck you," Bobby repeated, his voice hoarse from the yelling. He considers opening a new can of beer but kicks the rest of the six pack off the edge and it lands in the water, disappearing through the thick layer of fog filling Bobby's mind.
Reggie had his storms.
Luke had his sirens.
Alex had his thunder.
Bobby had his fog.
He snorted to himself as he sunk to the ground and pulled his knees to his chest. It was like they were supposed to be the four horsemen of the apocalyptic or something. Died too soon. They all died way too soon. Maybe I should have died with them, Bobby muses as the call of the sirens sing over the crashing waves and cut through his fog and… Bobby lets out a dark chuckle. They make the dark depths of the ocean blue seem mighty inviting right now.
Bobby lets out another hiccup, then a choked sob, then tears streak down his face as he mourns the loss of his dead brothers. He looks up at Reggie's initials, seventeen engravings in it, and wonders if he'll be able to carve a chunk out to leave at his gravestone. If his parents even give him one.
He never understood their need to go to the docks. The why behind their strange obssesion with the sea and the choppy ice cold waves and fog covered surface.
Little Bobby Wilson sits under the docks mourning the loss of his three brothers. His heart twisting into something indistinguishable. His stomach curdling to ash and his head filling with fog until something shines through it, a voice calling him home.
"Come on Bobby," Rose says softly as she coaxes him to stand up. "Time to go home."
Bobby lets her guide him away from one of the only things left he has to remind him of his brothers.
He'll be back.
One day.
Maybe not soon, but he'll be back.
Who knows, maybe he’ll take on a new identity and write his own songs this time. Hit the top charts with his own music. Using his own voice.
So as Bobby climbs into the car listening to Rose gently singing a lullaby the fog in his mind starts to lift, and Bobby lets himself fall asleep in the arms of his Rose petals. Her voice shining like the sun, cutting through the thick clouds filling his mind.