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Klaus took another drag of the joint between his fingers as he looked out at the view. He was sitting on the balcony railing which was wide enough to accommodate him, leaning up against the wall of the motel room. He could see the faint glow of sunrise peeking out over the horizon. He felt peaceful in a way he wasn’t used to and he wasn’t quite ready to admit to himself the reason why. The ghosts were quiet, growing quieter with each puff, and the view of the Vietnamese jungle was spectacular, and his body hummed with the afterglow of great sex. Klaus didn’t dare yearn for more than that from someone like Dave. Dave, who’s presence had put Klaus at ease when he’d opened a briefcase and suddenly landed in a foreign country in a foreign time. Dave, who had reached out to him with a comforting hand on his shoulder and introduced himself when Klaus had been frantically trying to get his bearings and figure out an escape. Dave, who had introduced Klaus to the rest of the platoon and helped him adjust to his new surroundings. Dave, who had placed a gentle hand on Klaus’ cheek before kissing him. Dave, who had touched Klaus’ body so softly, so carefully last night, as though he thought Klaus were something precious. Klaus thought he’d experienced just about everything when it came to sex; there was very little he wasn’t willing to do, especially when he was desperate for a hit of something and he had no money and there was someone willing to pay for it. But Klaus had never been touched like that before.
Klaus heard the stirring coming from the motel room before Dave popped his head out. “Hey, there you are.” He joined Klaus out on the balcony.
Klaus looked at Dave and Christ that man was beautiful. He didn’t think he could stop the smile that spread across his face even if he’d wanted to. “Here I am,” he said, swinging his feet around to face Dave. He lifted the hand that was holding the joint. “It’s your last one, I hope you weren’t saving it for something.”
Dave shook his head, leaning against the wall with a smile that mirrored Klaus’. “Nah, I was going to stock up again today anyway.”
“Oh? Well, I’ll have to come with and get my own supply. In fact, your next stash is on me. It’s the least I can do after all the joints I’ve bummed off you.”
Dave chuckled. “You don’t have to, I don’t mind sharing. And it was good to have the company.”
Klaus reached his other hand out to hold Dave’s and pulled him closer, drinking in his presence. They kissed and Dave’s lips were so soft and Klaus felt Dave’s hand on his cheek again still so gentle and Klaus didn’t know what to make of this man who was always so kind and generous for no discernible reason.
Dave broke the kiss first and looked at Klaus in a way that made him want to hold onto the moment forever. “I love you” Dave said, and Klaus felt his heart start beating faster, and suddenly he felt like he needed more oxygen. Had he stopped breathing? Klaus forced himself to suck in a shaky breath. There was a small alarm that went off in the back of his mind because he knew that things like this didn’t happen to him. People like Dave didn’t love people like Klaus. It couldn’t be true, was too good to be true. Dave must’ve seen Klaus’ panic because he quickly added, “You don’t have to say anything.” Dave slowly let his hands fall and moved to sit on the balcony railing next to Klaus. He gave a warm smile. “I just didn’t want to feel it and not say it, you know?” Klaus didn’t know, because saying how he felt always, always led to trouble in his experience. Dave shook his head and looked down at his hands in his lap. “We could die next week. Every day we wake up out there could be our last. I’m so… so tired of being afraid all the time.” Dave looked back at Klaus. “I’ve been afraid of feeling this way about a man for the longest time. And it’s such… bullshit!” He looked out incredulously at… something, whatever demons he saw out there. “It’s such bullshit. I could kill a dozen men and they’d probably give me a fucking medal.” He turned back to look at Klaus, lifting his knee onto the balcony to face him fully. “But I love one man, and I’m supposed to be ashamed?” Klaus shook his head. He wanted to tell Dave that he had nothing to be ashamed of, that there was nothing wrong with the way he felt about men, but Dave beat him to it. “Well, I’m not. Because loving you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, even if you don’t feel the same way. Just knowing you has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I want to tell the whole world how I feel.” Dave shrugged. “At least I get to tell you.”
Klaus swallowed. He’d never been loved this way before, so selflessly and with such conviction. Especially not by someone like Dave. Every experience in Klaus’ life told him to run. The black fear curling in the pit of his stomach told him that ‘I love you’ only ever meant ‘I want something from you’. But Dave wasn’t asking for anything. Klaus could say nothing. He could so, so easily say nothing. And they could get their weed and have more sex and get drunk and dance and return back to the war at the end of the week and Klaus knew in his heart of hearts that Dave would still give him those warm smiles and those reassuring touches and those quiet moments together because Dave was just like that. And Klaus would never have to tell him how he felt, and he did feel it, he knew he did, how could he not? How could he not love Dave in spite of everything inside himself telling him not to?
Dave was right, they could die next week. So fuck it.
“I love you too.”