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It was a gorgeous evening, really, gorgeous even by eternally perfect Camp Half-Blood weather standards. The sky was dyed in gold, red, and blue, dotted with clouds the colour of butter. The further back he looked up, the further away from the setting sun his eyes travelled, the more the stars shone like pinpricks of light in dark navy fabric.
It was criminally beautiful. Nico was no poet, and he doubted he’d ever start being one. But at the same time, he felt that if he really, really wanted to, he could start by writing about an evening like this.
He sat on the edge of the Long Island beach, not quite on the sand but not quite far enough away to be able to tune out the crashing waves.
There was a time when sitting near the ocean like this made him feel empty and alone. Now it made him feel focused. The water lapped against the sand in an even rhythm, in a constant cycle. There was always a sort of tranquility to be found in surrounding oneself with sure things.
"Nice night," said a voice. Nico's stomach sprouted a few new butterflies. He tried to stop them for old times’ sake, but like the thrumming of the waves against the beach, it was a sure thing that by now those butterflies were unstoppable.
"Yeah," he croaked, which definitely ruined the moment. He tried again. "Yeah, it is."
Will Solace sat beside him, smiling peacefully as he glanced out over the ocean.
Nico tried to digest his excitement for the sake of his friend. He was sitting so close their shoulders were brushing. Warmth seeped into his chest faster than he could ice it. He resisted the temptation to just lean over and rest his head on Will's shoulder.
"I always find you out here," Will began. "Something about the spot you like, or..."
"It helps me think," Nico replied.
"About anything in particular?"
Will's voice was annoyingly gentle, in the same way the sunset was gentle. They both filled the world with soft light, and both had a sort of calming quality about them. Nico could probably write poetry about Will's voice, too.
He made a mental note to never, ever say that out loud to anyone.
He looked back out to sea and he remembered the old days when he was still thinking about Percy every time his thoughts started to wander. The feeling it gave him had settled like a rock in his stomach. It was a crush, definitely. Nico was beyond denial by now that he had had a crush on the son of Poseidon, but it came packed with so much resentment and anger, so much self-hate that he couldn't believe it was really what love was like.
As it turns out, it really wasn't.
Love was being comfortable with spending time around someone else, being so willing to be near them that your heart starts to cry out when they're not around. Love was being so at ease with someone else that you hardly ever run out of things to talk about, or bicker over. Love was being so in-tune with someone else that you can finish their sentences in your head before they ever start them.
Love was feeling so good, so happy around someone else that you couldn't help but love yourself for it, even if keeping the feeling private was absolutely mandatory.
"Not much," Nico finally replied. "It helps me concentrate sometimes, when I'm not sure what to think."
"Have you figured something out yet?" Will murmured.
"Depends on what you mean by something."
"Oh, now I'm curious."
Nico cracked a smile, but he couldn’t think of anything to say outright that wouldn’t sound completely embarrassing. Will took his silence as a cue to keep talking.
“Sunset’s nice,” he said. “I’ve always kind of preferred sunrise, though. Same sort of effect, except when you see a sunrise, you know you have a whole day ahead of you. Never know what’ll happen.”
“Dusk feels safer,” Nico replied. “Everyone’s going to sleep. It’s quieter.”
“Well, you’d say that.”
“I know I would. I just did.”
“True. My opinion stands, though. Sunrise brings life, light, energy..."
"Wakes me up every morning," Nico added. "Shines right in my eyes through the one window in the entire Hades cabin."
Will laughed a clean, hearty laugh. Nico immediately made the mistake of looking at him, and he felt his throat dry up.
The golden glow of the setting sun caught in his golden hair like a halo. In the light, Nico could see every outline of his face, where it bunched up when he smiled and laughed. It was beautiful in an irksome way. Will was like a cat basking in the sun and his own radiance, relaxed, at ease.
Suddenly, Nico was overcome by the desire to kiss him.
Hey, whoa, muttered the part of his brain that was still sane. Calm down. He's your friend. He's your very good friend, and you can't ruin that.
And it was true. Nico now found he had a great deal of friends. He had Reyna, and he had Jason, he had Hazel and Frank, Lou Ellen and Cecil, Percy and Annabeth, Piper... but Will was special. Will was a whole other ballpark. Nico suspected that if he managed to screw everything up by admitting just how totally head-over-heels he was for this idiot, the shame and despair would be worse than he'd felt in what seemed like ages.
"Nico?" Will asked. Nico realized he'd been staring, but he couldn't tear his eyes away.
He realized something else, and the next second felt like an age.
He realized that he really, really loved this boy. He loved this boy so much he was almost offended.
Nico vaguely remembered months back, in the palace of Notus, Jason told him that sometimes it was worth coming out of the shadows, taking a risk. Taking the plunge.
He realized that he really wanted to kiss Will Solace, and if he didn't do it now, he would never forgive himself.
"Is something wrong?"
Nico was barely aware of the sound of Will's voice this time. He reached out a hand and touched Will's face. He didn't pull away.
Nico started to lean as he cupped Will's cheek and brought him closer to eye level.
Nico craned his neck to reach.
Was it his imagination, or did Will's eyes flutter closed?
But none of that mattered, because in the next second, Nico kissed him.
It was like a hearth fire started in Nico's chest, warming his whole being. He was absolutely certain his face was bright red, but he didn't care. By the gods, he was actively kissing Will. That was a thing that was happening.
It didn't last more than a few seconds, maybe four tops. Then Nico pulled away. His hand dropped back to his side, and he was face-to-face with the boy he loved, whose blue eyes were locked with his own dark ones, whose face was flushed, and whose lips were swollen, red, and hanging agape.
"I'm sorry," Nico immediately blurted. His voice sounded weak, feeble. That upset him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean... I mean..."
He took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry. I just..." he muttered. "I just had to. Just once. I had to know what it was like. I had to know what kissing you would be like."
"Nico?"
Nico had curled his legs into his torso. He looked up at Will with the most pleading look he could possibly manage. It wasn’t hard. He was suddenly stuck under the weight of his own mortification.
"Please don't hate me," he said.
"Why would I hate you?" Will asked. He sounded almost hurt.
"You know damn well why, Solace," Nico snapped, starting to panic. “I’m… I’m a boy, I just kissed you. I –“
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s… What? Of course it’s not okay.”
“Nico, listen to me,” Will told him, his voice suddenly hard as obsidian. “It’s okay. I mean it.”
Nico waited for elaboration. He stayed quiet, trying to force his expression into a glare of some kind. It wasn’t working. He watched as Will chewed his lower lip, like he did when he was trying to think quickly. It was a strange but weirdly charming habit, like he was trying to squeeze the answer out of his own mouth somehow.
Without thinking about it, Nico had been mirroring the gesture. He could still taste the kiss on his mouth. That didn’t help him feel better.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Will muttered. “You’re thinking that I’m repulsed, but I’m not.”
“How are you so – I’m the death kid. The gay death kid, and I just kissed you. Nobody wants to kiss the guy with the zombies. Besides, you’re straight, and I…”
Will let out an incredulous laugh. It echoed around Long Island Sound.
“Is something funny?” Nico asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Who in the hell told you I was straight?”
Nico was trying to be angry, he really was. It was difficult with the huge burst of sudden optimism burrowing its way into his chest and forcing back some of the gloom.
“Are you… not?” he asked.
“Nico, I’m gay as fuck. I thought it was obvious. Also, look at me. Look me in the eyes and answer me honestly. Do you seriously think the son of Hades thing has ever bothered me?”
Nico blinked. He was at a total loss for words.
“Consider,” Will began, moistening his lips, “that maybe, just maybe, I want to kiss the guy with the zombies? Maybe… maybe I secretly think about it a lot.”
Nico felt his face burn bright red. He couldn’t believe this was happening. The sun had finished sinking a while ago, leaving the sky dark and freckled with stars and constellations. All at once, it was like they started to shine brighter. Maybe he was just imagining things. Everything seemed to be lighter. Nico could see each blade of grass at the edge of the sand, and when he looked at Will, he could see his face so clearly it practically luminesced.
Nico realized something and he tried to choke back laughter.
“Will,” he coughed. “You’re glowing.”
Will winced and started trying to cover his face.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “That happens sometimes when I get… you know, flustered. Embarrassed. Thanks, Apollo.”
“That’s adorable.”
“It’s not.”
“Better than exuding death and fear when you get uncomfortable,” Nico said with a small smile.
“I feel like that must at least come in handy sometimes.”
“Like when you’re on a crowded bus and you don’t want anyone to sit next to you.”
“Exactly. Do you ever do that?”
“I don’t usually mean to,” Nico shrugged. “But yes, I do.”
“See? Glowing sometimes doesn’t really do anything useful like that.”
“What if it was really dark out and you couldn’t see?”
Will puffed out his cheeks.
“You’re laughing.”
“Of course I’m laughing, you dumb. It’s really cool.”
“Some of my siblings can go brighter whenever they want,” Will chuckled nervously. “Only really happens to me if I get all blushy.”
“So if I were to…”
Nico reached out and grabbed the other boy’s hand, lacing their fingers together. He felt warmth run up and down his arm like tiny jolts of electricity. Sure enough, Will’s skin started to light up.
“Awesome.”
There was a long silence. Waves kept softly beating at the sand, and the chirping of crickets filled the night with music. There was no way of knowing how long Nico and Will had sat there, but Will’s glow had eventually faded. Their hands were still joined for however long they had waited.
“You said you radiate fear when you get uncomfortable,” Will murmured.
“Yeah.”
“You’re not uncomfortable now, right?” he asked.
“You feel scared?” Nico asked back, looking Will in the eyes again.
“No,” Will admitted. “I don’t.”
“Maybe that’s because I’m so comfortable, I could sit here with you forever.”
“Wow. That was really sappy.”
“You’re the one that said he wanted to kiss the guy with the zombies,” Nico said as he rolled his eyes. “Having second thoughts?”
“Never.”
The certainty, the finality with which Will spoke made Nico’s heart ache. He wanted to kiss him again, this time without the anxiety or the urgency. Without the doubt and the drama.
Will leaned over and brushed the hair out of Nico’s face, tucking what he could behind Nico’s ear. Without another word, Will’s lips met his, and in that moment the rest of the world melted away.
A few sure things that made Nico feel at peace: no matter what, life came to an end; no matter what, the waves of the ocean would batter the shore in equal measure; and, no matter what, at least for the moment, he was in love, and for the first time in Nico’s life, he didn’t have a problem with it.