Work Text:
Cas and Dean have confessed their love to each other multiple times.
They’ve slept together, held each other for hours, and loved each other unconditionally.
But every time, Cas is forced to erase these memories from Dean’s mind.
“It’s too dangerous, Dean!“ Cas yells, his voice faltering as he argues with Dean.
“What do you mean, Cas? How is this- how is us being together dangerous?“ Dean yells back, Cas recognizing nothing but pain and confusion in his voice.
“Do you not understand?” Cas questions with a deep sigh. “Our lives are nothing but dangerous, even without having each other as weaknesses! Every monster, every angel and demon, every evil entity out there will use us as each other’s breaking point! They will know exactly how to get their way at the expense of one of us losing the other!“
“Cas, we can make this work! Please, let us try to make this work,” Dean says, no longer trying to sound mad. On the verge of tears, he croaks out “I want this to work, Cas.”
Cas breaks inside, falling to the ground, unable to speak, finding himself recalling the last time they ‘tried to make this work’.
Dean had confessed how he felt about Cas after a hunt where they almost died.
After that, they tried to make things work. And for a bit, they did.
They were happy.
Cas was happy.
One day, Dean had found them a hunt not even a few hours away from the bunker, “looks to be some rogue werewolf, hearts missing along with a few other organs. We can check it out in the morning.”
Turns out it wasn't just their run-of-the-mill werewolf as they had expected. It was an ancient God that neither of them had heard of, and she had them right where she wanted them.
She figured out what was going on between the two of them, using their love as their one weakness.
Cas almost lost Dean that day. It was a miracle he was able to escape her hold, catching her off guard and smiting her, rushing to help Dean.
Cas knew then that he couldn’t let himself be the reason Dean gets killed. He wasn’t going to give anyone the advantage of using their love against them again.
He erased Dean’s memory of the past few weeks of them together with memories of Cas just hanging around the bunker more often, erasing any trace of a relationship more than a friendship from Dean's mind.
But here he was again.
Dean had kissed him there in the library, cutting Cas off while he was speaking. It was a chaste kiss, catching them both by surprise. They pulled away and stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity.
“I love you” Dean mumbled, and Cas looked at him with wide eyes
Cas leaned back in, catching Dean’s lips and feeling the warmth of his body. The kiss deepened, and it lasted a little bit longer before Cas pulled back, realizing what had just happened.
Now, as he stands up from the ground he had fallen to, he knows what he has to do.
He won’t make it easier for him to lose Dean.
He looks at Dean, seeing tears leave the eyes of the man he loves so deeply, knowing he’s the reason they are there.
He raises two fingers to Dean’s forehead before whispering “I’m sorry, Dean,”
He touches Dean’s forehead, wiping his memory clean of the past hour. Dean is back in his room asleep, the memories of the past hour gone.
Dean may not remember, but Cas always will.
“I love you too, Dean.”
The End