Archive of Our Own

15-year-old Ushijima sat down at the psychiatrist chair.

Ushijima sat there, covering his face, not really listening to what his psychiatrist was telling him. He didn’t want to listen, he hated going to therapy more than he had ever hated anything in his life.

“Ushijima, you need to let that dream go, it is nothing more than a dream.”

For a while now Ushijima had been having dreams, dreams where he was a child again, and right beside him was a boy with red hair in a cute bowl cut style and big bright eyes that matched the color of his hair. There were variations with his dreams; they were always in this park from Miyagi, but in some dreams, the little boy would hug him, grab his hand, play volleyball with him, and in a few dreams the boy was crying—he hated those, but loved the rest.

When he told his mother his dreams she immediately called a psychiatrist, she said that maybe it was a metaphor from his head and that the fact that his eyes and hair were red could be him dreaming with a demon or something along those lines. Then she said it could be him having mental issues. But he didn’t feel bad with his dreams, he felt bad with the idea that that person wasn’t real because of how good he felt when he dreamed of him.

“It is not only a dream to me.”

“Then what is it?”

“I can’t really give it a word but,” he took his hands away from his face and looked straight into the psychiatrist’s eyes, "I know it's weird but I promise my dreams are the only place I feel safe... This boy is staring at me while holding the warmest smile I've ever seen… and when he does... everything feels alright... does that mean I'm crazy?"

The psychiatrist looked surprised, maybe more due to him saying a long answer, for once than because of what he actually said. She took a deep breath, “I may think this is your subconscious trying to find comfort in another male figure because of your dad left—”

“—I don’t have daddy issues, it doesn’t affect me that much.”

“Ugh, I can’t help you if you don’t cooperate Ushijima”

He looked away to the window ignoring her again.

She started massaging her temples in circles showing how stressed and frustrated he made her. “Okay Ushijima, I know that you start high school next week but I am going to prescribe you some medication, it will stop you from having those dreams. It has some side effects but I think you’ll be okay.”

“It’s sad that the person I trust the most doesn’t exist but..” He covered his face because he felt vulnerable and he hated feeling like that “I don’t want to end the dreams, they aren’t nightmares.”

“Kid…” she looked frustrated and Ushijima didn't know why, “your mother already agreed to it, we are just trying to help you.”

Ushijima just stood up from the chair and walked out of the room, trying to look away from the woman who was trying to take his safe place away from him.

———-———————————————————————————————————————

He started taking the medication that same day, he thought he could just not take it and say he did or something like that, but his mother stayed very close in checking that he did. The side effects were strong, right from the first time he took it he felt exhausted, he was so tired he didn't even want to play volleyball, which is extremely weird considering he loves it. Then he started getting really anxious and there was a point where he just felt dazed, like he was in a dream.

*the night before first day of school*

“Wakatoshi, you should try your school uniform before tomorrow, so I can see my handsome son in it!” his mother said while cleaning the dishes as Ushijima rested on the couch.

“I am too tired,” he put his blanket over his head.

“Ushijima Wakatoshi, I said I wanted to see my handsome son in his school uniform so you are going to get up, and get on your school uniform, ok?” she had a really menacing stare, it was clear Wakatoshi got that from her.

Ushijima gave himself little pats in the face and got up to go try his uniform. His uniform was a light blue shirt, a white blazer with violet trim, violet pants with squares, and finished off with a violet tie. He put the uniform on and went to the kitchen where his mother was waiting for him.

“Oh, the colors are quite girly but there’s nothing we can do,” she stood up and started fixing his blazer because he didn’t put much effort in making it look good, even though Ushijima was 15 he was already way taller than his mother, so when she wanted to fix his hair she had to stand on the tips of her toes. “Aww look at you, all handsome and grown up. I bet with your looks you will be getting girls from day one.”

Ushijima just stared at her in discomfort, “I am not interested in getting a relationship, mom. I want to—”
She cut him off, “—Focus on volleyball, I know, I know, no need to say it twice. I am just saying it would be nice if you brought a pretty girl home,” she looked away, her face reflected how bothered she was with her son's decision, “Go to sleep Wakatoshi, I don’t want you to be late for school.”

———-———————————————————————————————————————

Ushijima woke up shaking and soaked in his sweat. He had just had a nightmare, one where he basically lost the boy with bright red eyes and soft red hair, he saw him suffer right in front of his eyes and he could do nothing about it. He checked the hour, it was 4:00 am and even though he felt exhausted, he couldn’t go back to sleep; the idea of getting the same nightmare kept him awake. He spent the next hour staring at the ceiling, thinking of how nice it would be if he was real. To be able to hug him when he felt down or just be near that warm, beautiful smile.

After a while he finally decided to get up and get ready, it was 7:00 am, meaning he had an hour and 45 minutes to get there. He felt too tired to actually make breakfast so he just got some leftover rice and added an egg.

He got in his uniform and his suitcase and walked to his new school. He had been there before, but this was totally different, this time he would be moving into the dorms of the school and away from his strict mother.

After some walking, he finally arrived at the school that is recognized for being one of the best and really difficult to get into. Luckily, Ushijima had it easy, given the fact that he led his middle school volleyball team to victory, so he got an offer for a sports scholarship.

He got to his dorm and, apparently, this year he had the luck of having a dorm all to himself because whoever was going to be his roommate had un-enrolled right before school started.

The day went by pretty slowly and Ushijima was feeling dizzy, confused, and totally drained out of energy, causing everything around him to look a bit blurry. He stood up and walked through the school, heading to the well-known Shiratorizawa's gymnasium. That’s when he saw him, or he thought he did, everything was too blurry for him to actually tell apart people's faces. He smiled softly while staring at the redhead in front of him, it took him a minute to realize he was staring at the boy without blinking. He shook his head with a slight grunt and proceeded to get ready for practice.

For days Ushijima would enter the gymnasium, look around, and hope a red-haired boy approached him, but it never happened. Meanwhile, Ushijima kept losing his sense of reality, the medication made him feel like he was in a constant dream. Still, Ushijima could tell when he was dreaming of the redhead, he could easily tell, as he made that dream his home after all.
———-———————————————————————————————————————

Wakatoshi's teachers and classmates started noticing the way he never seemed awake. They realized he barely had the energy to walk across the campus, but they kept quiet. No one really knew what was happening, so they just supposed he was pulling all-nighters.
It wasn't until he was at practice, out of breath and staring at Tendou in the way he got used to, that his classmate noticed something was off with his buddy.

"What are you doing? What are you staring at him so intensely?" Hayato, a short boy with spiky dark hair, asked while looking at who Ushiwaka was looking at.

Then another boy from his year, Semi, looked up to his classmate to realize how pale he was, “Yo Ushijima, are you okay? You look so pale…”

All of a sudden Ushijima's staring contest with Tendou faded, leaving him all alone in some sort of living nightmare he couldn't escape from. His strong body was feeling weak as Ushijima started trembling. He was trying to keep the air going through his lungs, but it seemed impossible at the moment.

"Are you okay? You’re scaring us,” Semi was the first one to talk, drawing close concern was written all over his face.

He helped Ushijima sit down and tried to make him hold his breath, except nothing he did seemed to help him. Ushijima desperately held Semi’s shirt, thinking holding into it could help him catch his breath. He ended up passing out in the change room. Everyone surrounded him with clear worry all over their faces. All except for Tendou, who seemed to be more than worried. He was terrified and internally panicking too, knowing what a panic attack felt like. He reached out to Ushiwaka, carrying him with Hayato's help and taking him to the school nurse.

Ushijima opened his eyes for a second, he saw the redhead from his dream and smiled; he held that smile until he woke up to the soft voice of the nurse calling his name. As soon as he regained consciousness the nurse asked about his medication. When Ushiwaka responded, he could tell by the look on the nurse's face that something was very wrong with that answer.

"At your age—no, not even if you were older should you be taking something as strong as this. Who gave them to you?"

"My doctor did…"

"What type of sick doctor would prescribe a child with this?"

the woman sighed while typing on the computer.

"You need to stop taking these. I will send an email to your parents letting them know what happened…This is dangerous Ushijima, if you ever feel like this will happen again, come quickly with me. Please stay safe.”
———-———————————————————————————————————————

Months later, Ushijima went from being an anxious and tired boy to the excellent volleyball player he was meant to be; quickly became the ace of the team, replacing his third year classmate. As expected, he was really quiet and would have a hard time communicating with others, but for some reason he would always talk a bit more when Tendou was around. People around them noticed and they couldn't help but be happy for both of them. They were an excellent match, inside and outside the court. They complement each other in a way no one could describe.

Ushiwaka would usually stay late practicing and sometimes Tendou would join him, which was how they got to know each other better. Strengths and weaknesses, they learnt everything they could about the other. For Ushijima, the court was his home and his team was his family, he wanted to make them proud. While Tendou found a safe place in this weird family, one that he had found himself.

Together, they made a paradise out of wooden planks and a volleyball.
———-———————————————————————————————————————

Ushijima looked at himself in the mirror before making his way to the gym. It was a Sunday, meaning no one would be there, but he couldn't stop himself from practicing, even if he would find himself all alone. He stood on the court and started bouncing the ball, later he would start practicing his spikes. He was so into the practice that he didn't notice the redhead walking onto the court, not until said redhead laughed at the way Ushijima's facial expressions made him look like an angry child.
Ushijima got startled by his laugh.

"Make some noise before laughing like that. I almost had a heart attack, Tendou."

"Sorry wakatoshi-kun, but I did make some noise. You were just so focused! Maybe you could try and focus like that with your exams, bet you could be at class 5.”

Ushijima put the ball down, "I don't think you're one to talk"

"Oh come on, don't roast me like that!" Tendou pouted

"Okay, sorry. What are you doing here anyways? I thought you were at your parents’ house."

"I was but I wasn't in the mood to stay longer. So, I thought I would try and use that time for something else."

"So, practice, huh? Is it okay if I spike for you? We can both practice."

"Yuup, that's exactly what I wanted, Wakatoshi-kun."

Ushijima chuckled, causing Tendou's heart to skip a beat. They both practiced until the moon was above the gym's roof and the weather was cold enough to catch a cold. They stopped when they heard rain hitting the floor outside the gym.

They decided not to shower, they would get wet anyway. Tendou waited for Ushijima to get all his stuff so they could both run to their dorms, as they were running Tendou slipped, Ushijima managed to stop him from falling, the guy in his arms Just laughed while hugging him tightly. When he got back in his feet they decided Not to run anymore, instead tendou used his bag as an improvised umbrella and ushijima just let the rain fall into him. Tendou heard a song he loved playing In the distance, he couldn't help but dance and sign softly, surprisingly Ushijima joined him. Ushijima felt his heart race, his cheeks blushed a little and a soft smile appeared on his face, Tendou's voice couldn't Not be a singing one but he was amazed by the way he sounded, he always looked up to Tendou for being everything he couldn't be. Ushijima's voice was deep and had no harmony to it but he wanted to sing with his friend, it was also a way of showing him he felt comfortable around him which Tendou understood in a second. They both sang, danced and laugh until they reached the dorms.

“Thanks for helping me practice tendou.”

“Ha, it’s nothing wakatoshi-kun”

“I also wanted to say I like how you sing”

Tendou laughed and put his arm around Ushijima’s shoulders

“I will join a band, I am the next lady gaga”

Ushijima looked at him

“Who is lady gaga?”

“God wakatoshi, I have so much to teach you, well see you tomorrow”

Tendou got to his dorm and Ushijima started walking alone to his room feeling something he didn't know how to describe, he had never felt this before and he didn’t know what it was.

———-———————————————————————————————————————

Months passed and their team got stronger, after all that year they got new amazing players, Ushijima had been assigned as the ace right before the tournament and that caused a lot of surprise to every other team, even more surprise when they won against every team without a problem.
Tendou observed from the school bus as his friend talked to a boy from a team they had played against that day, he had fluffy light brown hair and looked like he was nagging to wakatoshi.
Ushijima got on the bus and sat beside tendou.

“Who was that?”

Ushijima was caught off guard

“Who?”

Before tendou could ask again Hayato jumped from behind to the middle of their sits

“Yo, we are making a party to celebrate that we are going to nationals, you both need to come”

“I can’t, I need to pra-“ Tendou put his hand over Ushijima’s mouth making him stop talking “Yeah, we will go”

Hayato stared at them with a pretty uncomfortable look on his face “You too are so weird...”

———-———————————————————————————————————————

A week passed and the day of the party came, ushijima wasn’t looking forward to it because he wasn’t really fond of parties but tendou still made him go anyways, he wanted to see his friend “out of his natural habitat”.
They got to this really big modern house with a big pool on the entrance, the inside of the house appeared to be illuminated by led lights that kept changing color, there were alcohol bottles everywhere and that kind of freaked out ushijima but tendou appeared to be unimpressed. The music was very loud and that made it hard to talk to his friend.

They walked around the house trying to find their classmates but the only one they were able to find was Semi and he seemed to be quite busy hooking up with a girl from a higher class.
Tendou gave up trying to find someone they knew so he started dancing, he moved so softly to the beat of the music, Ushijima couldn’t help but stare, he saw pure beauty in the image that was in front of him.
The led lights hitting his pale skin made him look as if he was glowing, his big eyes were closed, making it feel very relaxing and his red hair just made him feel so warm inside, he wanted to keep that perfect image in his head forever, the image of the boy who came out straight out of his dreams.
He took out his phone and took a picture, in that moment tendou opened his eyes and saw him.

“Hey, delete that”

He tried taking the phone from his hands but Ushijima’s grip was too strong

“No, I won’t, I like it”

Tendou started trying to climb ushijima but he was not going to give up his dream picture that easily, so with tendou on his back he walked out of the house to the big patio and started moving around so tendou would let him go

“DELETE IT, BURN IT, AAAAAA”

Tendou screamed while holding tightly to his side”

“No, I like it”

Tendou kept screaming when out of the sudden they heard a dramatic gasp come from behind them.

“No no no, I can’t ever get away from you!”

The boy with light brown hair that tendou had seen talking to ushijima after the finale was standing there, looking at ushiwaka with a face of pure disgust and anger, right behind him there was a shorter boy with dark spiky hair and tan skin.

“Oikawa”

Tendou let go of Ushijima's side and stood there looking with wide eyes at the pretty boy with perfect hair.

“No, shut up ushiwaka”

“I haven’t even said anything”

“Shhhhhhh, Iwa~chan make him go away”

The boy from behind him looked really annoyed

“I am so done with both of your bullshit”

He turned around and walked to one of the tables with alcohol bottles.
Oikawa gasped and looked at ushijima while pointing his finger at his face.

“Agh, you upset my iwa~chan”

“He didn’t even say anything”

Tendou answered, both ushijima and oikawa turned their heads to look at satori who was just standing there trying to process what was happening.
Oikawa examined tendou head to toe, that made tendou feel really uncomfortable so he kind of tried to hide behind his friend whose body was way wider than his

“Well I am still going to say it, you should come to shiratorizawa and become my setter”

“No!I will never set for you ushiwaka, I will go to nationals with my iwa~chan, we will beat you!”

The boy proceeded to stick his tongue out and move his hand in a weird way, then he turned around and ran towards the shorter guy with spiky hair jumping to his back, even though they were far away they could still hear the short boy nagging at the pretty boy.

“What did just happen?”

Tendou stood there staring at the boy with greenish hair.

“I want him to come to shiratorizawa”

“You already said that, but like why?”

Tendou was not smiling, he just stood there looking confused at his friend and him, who had never been good with words had no way of really explaining it.

“His team sucks but he is really good so I want him to set for me”

“Olololo, his team does not suck that much, they went against us in the finals”

He was quick to answer “no”

“Uuuuu, do you like him?! You like pretty boy?!”

Tendou opened his eyes wide and smiled even though he felt his heart ache.

Ushijima frowned and poked Tendou’s forehead

“Tendou you are being weird”

———-———————————————————————————————————————

A lot of things happened in the rest of the year, they went to nationals, lost round 5 and then they went again, he got invited to play for japan and obviously he got closer to the red eyed boy. His safe place became Shiratorizawa, he was happy there but life was not perfect so summer time came and he had to go back home.

“Oh my Wakatoshi every time I see you you are bigger”

His mother hugged him

“How was the school year? I barely saw you, I guess you were really busy”

“Oh, yes I was”

There was an awkward silence in which they just avoided each other's faces.

“So… Do you have any friends?”

Ushijima wanted to say tendou, but then he came to the realization that he would just be describing the boy that he dreamed about and if he did his mother would just put him again on medications

“Mm… no, I focus on volleyball”

“Ugh you know you are so annoying Wakatoshi, you know all of this ambition you have for volleyball isn’t going to take you anywhere right?”

Ushijima turned his head to look at her

“You are just like your father, get over it and plan something realistic with your life, like a girlfriend, luckily you got my looks and not your dads, you’ll have this easy”

Even though he didn’t expect a nice comment from his mother he just couldn’t help but feel bad that someone who was supposed to support him unconditionally was saying things like that so a tear rolled down his face
She turned and grabbed him by the face

“Real men don’t cry Wakatoshi, stop being such a pussy, stop acting fucking gay and suck it up. you piss me off, really you do”

Ushijima whipped his tear off and just stared out of the window praying for the summer to pass fast so he could go back to the place he actually called home, shiratorizawa.
———-———————————————————————————————————————

He got assigned a new dorm and surprisingly his roommate ended up being semi from the volleyball team

“Okay hear me out, when I bring someone to… you know you can go and stay with tendou”

Semi said while putting some posters on the wall beside his bed.
Ushijima stared at him in pure disappointment

“Stop staring at me like that, you can bring someone too and I’ll go with hayato or someone else”

“I will not, I have better things to do” Semi gasped and put his hand in his chest “I am sorry I am a whore with necessities”

In that moment the door flew open and the tall red headed boy entered running and hugged ushijima, ushijima was not able to keep his balance so he fell back with satori on top of him.
Satori started laughing hysterically when they fell.

“I missed you wakatoshi-kun”

“God get a room you too”

Semi threw a pillow at them, tendou threw it back at him and got off ushijima

“Semi you are such a bitch”

"I can't deny that Tendou, so I'll take it as a compliment"

Semi blinked and then proceeded to keep working on his posters. Meanwhile Ushijima and Tendou left the room trying to catch up. Ushijima avoided at all costs talking about his Mother, the thought of the woman Who brought him to life hating on the boy that makes him happy was a bit painful to bear. Tendou told him about all the fun and games he enjoyed with his lovely mom, Ushijima wished he could have been there to see if the smile on Tendou's face could get brighter and bigger. The boy noticed the way Ushijima was staring and just stuck out his tongue followed by a smile.

"you should come over some time, I'm sure my mom would love to meet the future Best Ace of Japan, she would never stop bragging about it"

"She sounds nice, maybe someday I'll get to meet her"

———-———————————————————————————————————————

Everything went back to normal except for all the times Tendou noticed Ushijima’s staring at him, everytime that happened Ushijima was wearing a soft warm smile on his face.
He couldn't help but stare at the boy that came straight out of his dreams, his miracle boy.
Naturally the team started noticing too, sometimes even other teams could tell.

This one day Semi decided to have a small party Just to chill a bit, they had lost against Karasuno, missing their Last nationals. Ushijima agreed, he was the first one Who arrived at the place, Sugawara, Daichi, Iwaizumi, Oikawa and some other third years joined him a few minutes later. Between drink and drink the moon raised and Ushijima got a call from Tendou, the only one missing.
Ushijima could not help but smile while seeing the name pop out on his screen and the other people clearly noticed and whispered to each other.
Wakatoshi stood up and went outside to answer.

"Wakatoshi-kun, can I talk to you?"

"you already are, you know I'm a good listener"

"and Just a listener" Tendou laughed thinking how the boy on the other side of the Phone was extremely bad with words, but never failed to listen to him when he was feeling down, This was one of those times.

"Wakatoshi kun… I'm quitting volleyball, there's no point on me going anymore... I
I Just wanted to let you know… But don't worry, I'll make sure to say goodbye to the rest of the team"

Ushijima felt his World shaking, he was losing him in the thing that brought them together in the first place, but he still answered.

"hey Tendou, I know… But… Could we have a Last practice match, like the one where you explained to me Who Lady Gaga was?"

Tendou let out a small, subtle laugh

"well, yes, I can do that, I'll see you next friday then… Also, don't drink too much, you are being talkative already"

Tendou and Ushijima went silent for a bit, then Tendou said goodbye and hung up the Phone, when Ushijima went back inside his subtle smile was gone and had been replaced by a worried and sad stare.

"bro you okay?"

He just nodded

“We just supposed the call was from tendou from the smile you made when you got the call” Ushijima just frowned in confusion

Oikawa whispered to kuroo while doing weird hand gestures and taking another shot

“He is in love” Ushijima overheard and stared at them, feeling a bit confused. "What are you talking about?"

He asked softly, staring at Oikawa. Who couldn't help but stare with a proud father's type of look.

"about you and Tendou, are you dating yet?"

"I could never date Tendou, he's my Best friend"

Bokuto laughed and proceeded to fall off the couch clearly drunk

"well yes… But do you like him? You can like your Best friend… Like Mr.Refreshing likes Daichi for example" Oikawa teased while trying to spill the tea out of Ushijima's mouth.
Suga threw a pillow at Oikawa

"well… how do you know if you like somebody?" Oikawa laughed at his question and started making signs with his fingers mocking him.

"it could be anything… Like happiness, nervousness, the need to protect them.." Said daichi while putting his arm around sugawara

"I do feel happy with Tendou, he's an amazing Middle blocker… And I don't really like it when he's sad… He deserves happiness"

"so… We Could say you do like Tendou… What else do you think of him?"

"When I'm with him… I feel… Like Everything is okay, I feel like I want to be there every time his smile is brighter than I have ever seen… I feel like I'm daydreaming… He is a dream come true, literally I dreamed with a boy like him for a while”

“Awwww” sugawara said, Ushijima sighted thinking of his words, he wasn't lying, but at the same time he knew that wasn't even half of the things he felt for Tendou, he wasn't sure if he liked him but he was sure that Tendou meant more to him that he could ever be able to put it into words. Everyone else in the room felt their hearts flutter, hearing something like that from a boy like Ushijima was surprisingly cute.

"so… when will you tell him?"

"tell him What?"

"that you have feelings for him dumbass"

Iwaizumi said

"would that be okay for him?"

"well, if not he would only break your heart, and your hopes” Oikawa laughed at his own comment and Iwaizumi hit him in the head “It’s your last year together, take risks ushijima”

"I know… I still don't know if I like him"

Everyone laughed and kept drinking, but his mind was busy trying to understand his own feelings. He decided to leave early and rush to Tendou's dorm, and so he did.
———-———————————————————————————————————————

No one answered when Ushijima knocked the door, he got worried and Just pushed it, it was open. The first thing he saw was red hair coming out of a pile of blankets, he got closer and sat down on the bed. The múltiple blankets made it hard to tell he was softly crying, but somehow Ushijima could tell, so he slowly pulled the blankets away except for the one that was covering Tendou's face.

"we missed you today… I missed you, Satori"

Tendou sighed and broke down again, Ushijima Just pulled the blanket and looked at the redhead boy, Ushijima wondered how could Tendo look so beautiful even when he was crying. He smiled, looked for Tendou's hand and held it, then he made Tendou sit down and hugged him as tight as he could. Tendou's sobbing was painful to hear, it was like the nightmare he had when he was on medication where the precious red headed boy with a bowl cut was suffering and he could do nothing about it, but he knew this was not a dream, so he hugged him hoping that it would help.

"ahh I'm sorry Wakatoshi kun… I Just… I wasn't ready to say goodbye to the team, it is my safe place after all…" Tendou wanted to say something else but kept it to himself, he Just decided to close his eyes and enjoy Ushijima's hug. Meanwhile Ushijima was sure Tendou could hear his heart about to leave his chest, he gave Tendou some space and looked him in the eye.

"I have to tell you something, Tendou"

Tendou nodded without letting go of Ushijima's hand.

"Go ahead, Wakatoshi-kun"

"What am I doing?" said the boy to himself before speaking what had been running through his mind all night. "Satori… I… I think I'm in love with you" Tendou nodded with a soft smile on his face when Ushijima dried his tears after saying that. Tendou held Ushijima's hand close to his chest.

"oh Wakatoshi-kun, I suspected it"

"oh, I see"

"don't be nervous, I feel the same for you”

"Do you feel the same?"

"yes dummy, it's been three years… I was getting tired of getting nothing more than a smile and compliments about my blocking skills, but... can I ask you something?”

He nodded

“Why me? I mean like I am kind of annoying and I am definitely not good looking so wh…”

Ushijima cut him off by putting his big hand on his mouth

“You are not annoying, I love your personality more than anything else in the world and who the hell said you weren’t good looking?”

“Oh come on, I look like a monster”

“Shhhh, no” he grabbed Tendou’s face between his hands “you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, you came straight out of my dreams, your hair and eyes are unique, unique is not something bad”

Satori blushed and hid his face in ushijima hands

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier… I wasn't so sure until tonight, I am not good with emotions…”

"well… At least I won't have to say goodbye to you, right? We can still see each other when we go to college, so it doesn't matter if you took foreveeeer to confess"

Satori laughed and ushijima just stared at him and smiled

"I won’t say goodbye either, Satori"

"Wait, you are still missing one thing, Wakatoshi-kun"

"Would you like to go on a date with me? Is that what I am missing?"

"it was and of course I Will, friday doesn’t count, so you still owe me a date"

"we could… go out on saturday, we can have some ramen"

"Yes, perfect plan and for the love of god don't wear your volleyball uniform to our date, all right?"

"okay"

Ushijima smiled and Tendou hugged him, they were now laying in Tendou's bed, and Ushijima was a human pillow for his beautiful Satori, Who after a few minutes of silence fell asleep on his lover's chest.

———-———————————————————————————————————————

By friday Ushijima and Tendou couldn't stop sending funny photos of themselves to each other, still no one knew they were dating so on Friday they waited for the gymnasium to be almost empty after the match to let go back to the court to practice a bit, as usual Tendou was blocking Ushijima spikes but every now and then Ushijima's spikes were off because the only thing he could think about was Tendou.

“Ha wakatoshi-kun, your spikes are off”

“How can I concentrate with such a beautiful person trying to block me?”

Satori blushed and threw the ball at ushijimas face “Ololololo, what a poet”

Satori passed to the other side of the court and jumped on Ushijima’s back “Now take me to my room my dear slave”

“Everything for my master lady gaga”

They both laughed and ushijima carried him all the way to the dorms.

“Remember our date tomorrow”

“How could I forget? I waited for it 3 years, 3 FREAKING YEARS WAKATOSHI-KUN” He pouted and flicked his forehead but ushijima just passed his fingers threw his red hairs

“What are you too doing?” Semi came out of the dorm and leaned on the wall trying to do a sexy pose

They both froze at their tracks and said at the same time

“Nothing…”

“Ohohoho, im telling the rest of the guys”

“What?” Tendou moved started shaking his hands in semi’s face “No, semi please”

Semi started laughing and put his hands on their shoulders
“I’m not telling anyone, but… your reaction just confirmed everything I needed to know”

Semi went inside the dorm and ushijima hugged tendou

“See you tomorrow”

“See you miracle boy”

He said before turning around and running to his dorm

———-———————————————————————————————————————

“Wakatoshi no, I told you you couldn’t wear the uniform”

Tendou said while laughing and giving ushijima softs slaps with his long hand”

“But… it's supposed to be cold today and it’s the only jacket I have, and the japan one”

Tendou laughed even harder while holding his stomach because of the pain laughing that hard caused him

“You have 3 volleyballs but only 2 jackets?! hahhah”

Ushijima made a sad face but in reality he was really happy because of his redhead

“Okay come here, I’ll give you a hoodie, I have like 20 and they are all oversized”

They both went inside Tendous dorm, and tendou started looking in his closet.

“Mm… you are definitely really big so…”

He pulled out 2 hoodies, one was black with an anime character in the middle and the other one was a plain red hoodie.
Ushijima put the red one, it may have been oversized in Tendou but it fitted him perfectly.

They arrived at a local small ramen shop that was mostly empty and ordered , most of the time they were there tendou was the one talking while ushijima just listened, he had never been great at conversations but he in general really liked listening to that red headed boy, Tendou could easily tell he was listening, Ushijima's eyes were shining, for Tendou it was like a miracle. He wasn't a monster in Ushijima's eyes, his heart fluttered at the thought, he wasn't an outsider of that peaceful World Ushijima brought to him, he was now part of it.

They sat down, enjoyed the food but of course the Best part of it all was the looks they shared,all the smiles and giggles. Whoever looked at them could easily say they were both in love. And so someone did, they tried to make sure they were alone, but they weren't, there was a friend meeting going on, everyone else besides them at that place were around their sixties. The lovely energy around them suddenly became grey and heavy when Tendou heared how someone was hating on them.

"what are you doing here faggots?"

Someone shouted at them at moment Tendou reached Ushijima's hand to hold it but at the moment that man opened his mouth Tendou regretted it and let go of him hoping they would stop. He waited for that date three years, he didn't want his first date to be a bad memory.

"we should have them killed before they spread"

And there it was, what Tendou needed to hear to stop eating, he bit his bottom lip trying to hold both his anger and his tears. It wasn't much and he knew it but it was enough to make his safe place feel robbed.

"how the fuck is this the future of Japan?"
"is this allowed? Why are you letting faggots like them inside this place?"

Tendou's eyes got watery, when Ushijima noticed his Tendou about to burst into tears he stood up and look at the five men, he gave them his deadly stare hoping the would shut up, he was getting ready to fight them when Tendou reached his hand look him in the eye and whispered.

"let them be Wakatoshi-kun, lets go, please ignore this".

He nodded, holding Tendou's hand firmly, letting them know he wasn't scared of them.

"People like you should be dead"

one of them said and Ushijima couldn't help but turn around, hit the table and look him in the eye.

"I could say the same about your kind"

He walked outside the place, hugged Tendou and Kissed his head. "are you okay, Satori?"

"I am now, Wakatoshi-kun"

The redhead gave Ushijima a soft smile while closing his eyes to enjoy a soft Kiss in his cheek warming his heart from whatever happened inside the restaurant.

"wellp let's find a New place, this is not going to end this soon Wakatoshi, so come on move your ass"

He said while holding Ushijima's shoulders while pushing him to a park he knew was near them.

"where are we going Tendou?"

"you'll find out when we get there, so shut it, I'm your captain outside of the court mr.perfect ace"

They walked a little and Tendou told him to wait for him a bit outside of a convenience store, he was inside for around 10 minutes.

“What is taking him so long?”
He went inside the store and saw satori with a lost stare looking were the frozen sweets were, ushijima couldn’t help but smile because of how cute this was for him, he slowly pulled out his phone and took a picture of the redhead but he as always forgot to take the sound off.

“ack, Wakatoshi-kun! I told you to wait for me! delete that immediately young man!”

Ushijima hid his phone inside the hoodie

“Don’t call me young man, Satori you are not that much older than me”

Tendou pouted and squeezed his lovers cheeks, then he went back to staring at the freezer

“Why are you staring at the freezer?”

Satori looked at Ushijima and pouted

“I feel like a bad person, I don’t know what is your favorite mochi flavour”

Tendou covered his face with his hands and made weird sounds while jumping in the same place, Ushijima grabbed him by the shoulders to make him stop jumping and then grabbed the redheads hands to take them away from his face.

“I literally don’t care, I like all the flavors except strawberry”

“Should we get all the flavors except strawberry then? I might die, but I would die happy, the love of...my lover and mochi… what a way of going down”

Ushijima stared at him with a face of pure confusion and concern

“First of all, yes it is really unhealthy but you won’t die, you will just get sick and in general please don’t die”

“I won’t, I don’t have reasons to, I mean, look at me… healthy, maybe not that smart but hey I am happy, you make me happy… omg you are making me cheesy ewww”

“Don’t do that… I like it, don’t eww yourself”

Tendou laughed and just held Ushijima’s hand, taking two packages of mochi, he made sure none of them had strawberry on it.

“Here, I’ll get us some drinks, wait for me at the cashier”

“Okay, don’t take too long”

“I won’t, I promise”

Tendou stuck out his pinky and winked, then turned around and went to the drink aisle, he got some iced tea and went back to the cashier, paying for everything he needed to get rid of the bad moment they went through a few minutes ago.

“It’s all ready, Wakatoshi-kun, let’s go”

“Can I know now where you are taking me?”

“You’ll now very soon”

Tendou grabbed the bag with the groceries, held Ushijima’s hand and walked outside the store two times happier than before. He guided Ushijima to the lonely but beautiful park, when they got there he sat down on the grass and took a deep breath, Ushijima staring at him just felt his heart race, he couldn’t help but fall in love with al the tiny things Tendou was letting him see, just like the way his eyes were slightly closed when it was only the two of them, it was calming. Ushijima knew those eyes meant Tendou felt comfortable and safe around him, he wondered if it wasn’t just volleyball the reason Shiratorizawa felt more like a home than his own house.

“You, daydreamer, are you planning on joining me… or?”

“Oh… yes, sorry I got distracted by your beauty”

“Olololo you’re doing it again”

Tendou laughed and when Ushijima sat down beside him he opened one of the mochi packages and feed him one, Ushijima bit it with a slight smile on his face, then he couldn’t help it anymore, while he was looking at Tendou he opened his mouth and with the softest voice he had he let go of the secret he kept for so long.

“When my parents separated my dad told me that when you meet your soulmate your world finally blooms in colours, and that sadly it never happened with my mom”

Tendou looked at him a little bit concerned, because it came out of nowhere and because he knew that talking about something like that wasn’t easy, especially for the boy he had fallen in love with, the owner of the prettiest, comfiest silences.

“And I felt like it was bullshit at first but... you made me notice it was true”

Satori was speechless

you made my world so much colourful, even from my dreams you gave me hope, you are the most beautiful human I have ever met and will ever meet”

He passed his fingers through the redhead's hair still holding a smile.

“You are unique and make me feel so warm inside, you are like a warm sunrise after the coldest and loneliest night, and it's funny because you have always been like my sun… the reminder that even after the darkest night, there will be light. Even though I have known you only for 3 years I honestly do not know how to function without you anymore…”

Tendou had no idea Ushijima could speak for that long, he thought it was beautiful but at the same time he was kinda weirded out by it, he let out a soft giggle while squeezing his face.

“That is so cute Wakatoshi-kun, ha now I kind of feel bad for not having something poetic to say”

Tendou grabbed a orange mochi and hold it close to ushijimas face

“Eat this, this is my favorite since I was a kid”

Ushijima took a bite of it, somehow it tasted nostalgic, which was weird given the fact that he doesn’t really recall eating orange mochi as a kid

“Okay Wakatoshi-kun, tell me something about you, something that I don’t know, I low key feel like you know everything about me”

Ushijima tried to think of something, even if he barely talked somehow tendou managed to find out most things about him, and the things he didn’t know he believed he was better not knowing about, like how shitty his mother was and the fact that somehow he dreamed about him or at least a very similar person for years.
But he managed to think about something.

“Give me your hand”

“What? I said tell me not…”

“Just give me your hand”

Tendou gave him his hand, he held it and moved it to the back of his head and then he started patting until he felt something strange, a big scar in the back of his head .

“Lol what?, how did you get this….? It’s huge”

“I have no idea”

Satori started laughing and got on his knees to hug his head

“You have a giant ass scar in your head and you don’t know how you got it?!”

Ushijima muttered from tendous chest “nope”, tendou continued laughing and holding his head, after a while they ended up laying completely on the grass while looking at the sun that was finally starting to set, tendou was caressing his lovers head that layed in his chest, he couldn’t stop passing his fingers threw were the scar layed, he was really curious of how it happened, how, what or who had dared to hurt so much someone so beautiful, someone so innocent and pure.
Tendous thoughts were interrupted by water droplets falling on him, it was starting to rain. He tried to stand up but ushijima was still laying on him, but he wasn’t asleep, he was fully awake and unbothered by the water falling on his face.

"come on Wakatoshi-kun, get up, we are going to get wet… apparently the universe doesn't want us to enjoy our date"

Ushijima looked at Tendou saying no with his head, he kissed Tendou's chest and got up but not to run away from the rain.

"You know? Everyone is so terrified of getting wet… Everyone always runs away from the rain… Or think about it as something sad…"

Tendou nodded listening carefully to Ushijima's voice it was always surprising when he started talking that much, but for Tendou all those words that seemed to come out of nowhere were like a caress for his soul, Ushijima always knew what to say, he always pleased Tendou's hearing.

"But for me… The rain has always been beautiful and a sign of good things happening, for example when it rains and the grass gets green again, or how it helps the crops grow taller… Also how clear the sky looks the next day… So please Satori, don't run from the rain and stay with me a bit longer"

Tendou laughed, he kissed Ushijima's hand and before standing up he started playing a song.

Once again Ushijima fell in love with Tendou while the rain was giving Tendou a new hairstyle. They held hands while dancing around at the rhythm of the song, when Tendou started singing softly Ushijima got embraced by the words coming out of his mouth, he wanted to kiss him but he also wanted to hear his boy all the way to the end of the song. (Saw you in a dream by the Japanese House)

"I saw you in a dream
You had stayed the same
You were beckoning me
Said that I had changed
Tried to keep my eyes closed
I want you so bad
Then I awoke and it was so sad"

Every word resonated in Ushijima's heart, he had never feel so close to Tendou until that moment, the moment he realized that he wasn’t dreaming anymore, the boy in front of him, singing under the rain was indeed his boyfriend. Every piece of the puzzle got together for Ushijima, he looked at him, hugged him and left small kisses in his shoulders. He wanted Tendou to feel at home, the home Tendou's image gave to him for years.

"I saw you in a dream
You came to me
You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision
There was no reason, no explanation
The perfect hallucination"

The world stopped for a second, there was nothing more important than the precious moment they were sharing. They were slow dancing under the rain, suddenly the raindrops against Tendou's pale skin didn't bother him anymore, Ushijima's eyes never left Tendou's sight. Ushijima remembered the myth of the red thread of destiny, he laughed at the thought of his finger being tangled with a redhead, of course we couldn't see the thing but he knew Tendou was his destiny.

"And when I'm awake I can't switch off
It isn't the same but it is enough
It isn't the same but it is enough

I saw you in a dream
Then it came to an end
I wonder if you'll come and visit me again
You're taking your time to reappear
I'm starting to believe that when I call your name"

Under the rain Tendou's worries were washed away as he felt Ushijima's love embracing him through the song, their slow steps were driving them to a paradise they had no idea they could build, the world was silent as if the only sound worth hearing was Tendou's.

As the rain became lighter the song came to an end, Tendou’s voice got softer as he hugged Ushijima singing almost in his ear causing Ushijima to blush just a bit, both were enjoying the warmth their chests brought together made them feel.

“You are the most amazing person that has ever existed”

Tendou let go of the hug, he grabbed ushijimas face, shortening the distance between them as he dragged him closer.

“more than lady Gaga?”

Ushijima laughed a little and smiled

“More than lady Gaga”

Satori who couldn’t help himself grabbed Wakatoshi by the cheeks, without thinking twice about it, he kissed him, it was the warmth of Ushijima’s lips against his that made him blush at the thought he was probably kissing his soulmate.

Both of them walked back to their own rooms, but not without a goodnight kiss of course. When Ushijima laid on his bed he stared at the ceiling praying to all the gods he could acknowledge to let them be happily together for the rest of their days.
———-———————————————————————————————————————
Satori was a bit late to his date with Ushijima, the sun was already setting when they finally started walking together to Satori’s favourite bubble tea shop, as they were ordering Tendou’s eyes brightened meaning he was enjoying the date or had come up with an idea he found whether beautiful or cheesy, he was always down for those cheesy things because he knew they made tendou happy, he would make anything to make his beautiful redhead happy, even if it meant making a fool of himself like that one time Tendou forced him into wearing a onesie to the cinema, everything the others saw was two scary-looking boys ridiculously dressed.

“Let’s make this thing we have last forever, I want to have something I can go back to in 5 years and see how much we’ve grown together… so I thought of a time capsule, you know? Those things where you gather all the memories and things you cherish and want to remember after a while… so… can we?”

“I guess we can, but why would you like to put all those in a box under the ground when you can just look at me every morning after we get married?”

Tendou swallowed bobba from his tea and started coughing in shock, he then let go a small scream.

“WAKATOSHI-KUN AAAAAAAAA, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?”

“Nothing but the truth… I mean the truth is I really want to live forever if you are by my side, of course if you let me”

“Oh my god, Wakatoshi-kun, I love you so fucking much”
Tendou’s face darkened a bit as he sighed, worried about the day he couldn’t hold Ushijima’s hand or hear his husky voice every morning, he hated the thought more than all the kids that called him a monster when he was a child.

“I just… please don’t get tired of me, please don’t leave me, Wakatoshi-kun”

Ushijima smiled softly reaching for Tendou’s hand.

“There’s no way I could ever leave you, unless you decide to leave me or I die, nothing more, nothing less”

“As that is romantic but a little bit extreme” ushijima grabbed his hand and gave small kisses in it while tendou giggled

“so let’s prepare the things today so we can have it ready for tomorrow”

Ushijima stared at him with a small frown and looked at the date on his phone

“I need a week to prepare everything”

“Wakatoshi-kun, it’s a time capsule not a school project, you know?”

“I do, but I want it to make it really special… as special as you are to me”

“I won’t say anything about that, I’ll give you time, but you’ll owe me a date after all that waiting”

“And I will gladly go out with you how many times you want”

A smile of satisfaction was drawn in Tendou’s face as he gave Ushijima that half-opened-eyes gaze he loved so much, Ushijima smiled back at Tendou listing all of the things he wanted to include in the time capsule as well of all of his favourite things about the boy sitting in front of him, like the way his voice would be kinda high when he was talking about something he liked, or the way he would call him every morning to make sure they would see each other for at least a minute, or maybe the way he loved sharing his hoodies with him only to smell them when they weren’t together.

They stood up and walked around town for a bit, enjoying the fresh air and the dark sky above them, Ushijima’s hand was rubbing against Satori’s as they walked. When Ushijima noticed he thought about how they had never held hands in public and wondered if it was okay to do so. He turned to Satori and offered a soft smile while his pinky was reaching for Tendou’s, the boy nodded in agreement and they held hands. It was almost like they were meant to be, Tendou’s fingers fit perfectly between Ushijima’s. Ushijima muttered to himself how he never wanted to let go.

_______________________________________________________________________

For the first time in forever Tendou was ready before Ushijima, in excitement Tendou greeted his lover with a sweet short kiss, Ushijima couldn’t help but laugh completely lost in how cute that was, Satori held hands with Ushijima and walked to his house. Tendou guided him to his backyard, he handed a tiny shovel to Ushijima and led him to a certain spot under a tree. They dug a hole big enough for them to bury both of their boxes.

“Now I feel bad, I had the idea and my box is so much smaller than yours” Tendou grabbed his box between his long hands and looked down at it

Ushijima out his hand in tendou’s chin and made him look up again

“Satori, I bet whatever you put in there is wonderful”

He grabbed his box and he put it in the hole and then grabbed his lovers box and put it right beside his, they started putting dirt over it and to make sure they would not forget where the place was they decided to put a lot of rocks making a spiral over it.

“Let’s go inside and watch something” he put his arm around his buff boyfriends shoulder and started walking towards the house “oooh we can watch yuri on ice, or given, or…”

They went inside and satori told his boyfriend to sit in the living room while he went for his computer to watch whatever he wanted to.
A tall woman with bright red hair in a messy bun entered the house and she stopped in her tracks when she saw a tall boy she had never met sitting in the living room.

“You look kind of familiar so...Are you my son's boyfriend or do I need to call the police?”

Tendou came of of his room with his computer in one hand and a blanket in the other one

“Oh hi mom” he said and left all the things in the small table in the living room “Wakatoshi-kun this is my mom, mom this is my boyfriend”

Ushijima stood up to bow to her and got startled when she grabbed his face and stared at him closely

“Mmm… have we met before?” she closed her eyes a little to focus more closely on his face “or I don’t know, maybe your dad or something…”

Ushijima was too confused with what was happening to be able to answer anything, Satori pulled his boyfriend back to get his mother off him.

“Mom…” he frowned at her and she clearly noticed what he was trying to say
“Oh sorry, sorry” she said and grinned and went away, leaving them alone to watch anime together and enjoy the rest of the night alone together.

———-———————————————————————————————————————

The day had finally come, the day they graduated from high school, their last time at Shiratorizawa, where he had been extremely happy, practiced the sport he loved and met the person he wanted to spend his life with. Even though everyone was happy Ushijima felt sad having to say goodbye to his happy place.

Tendou hit his head with his graduation cap, Wakatoshi put his hands over his head where his boyfriend had just hit him “stop looking so upset Wakatoshi-kun” he grabbed his face and squeezed his cheeks
“you should be happy” he noticed how his boyfriend remained upset and just hugged him, hoping he would feel better, he knew perfectly how much that school meant to him but he couldn’t understand it

Satori’s mom arrived and hugged both of them, she was super excited and proud of both of them.

“Oh I am so proud of both of you, you are adults now aww”

She was jumping all over the place and taking pictures.

“Wakatoshi-kun where is your mom? I want to meet her” he grabbed his hand but Ushijima pulled it away

“You don’t want to meet her, believe me, and I didn’t invite her”

Satori opened his eyes wide at him in shock, they barely ever talked about his family and the only time they did it was when he discovered his dad was gone.

“I mean, she is your mom, she can’t be that bad…”

They were interrupted by Semi jumping on both of their backs “ohh hello love eagles, I have a weird question, if I kiss someone underage will I go to jail?”
Tendou started laughing at Semi, but Semi just made angry noises.

The rest of the ceremony was better, most of the people cried saying goodbye to their friends, Semi kissed Shirabu, apparently he liked him since the start of the year, Reon introduced everyone to his girlfriend who no one had met because she attended Dateko, and Hayato got in trouble for standing up in a table and screaming that he would miss everyone.

After the school ceremony the team decided to go to a bar to celebrate, the night wasn’t very clear to Ushijima because he drank a lot, but the thing that he remembers the most is kissing his lover and forgetting about his sadness.

They all stayed the night at Hayato’s because he offered and he kept drinking all night with Semi who couldn’t stop saying “I kissed him bitch, I am not a pussy”.

When Ushijima woke up his boyfriend was gone but he had a text from him

He got up and gathered his stuff before leaving and heading to his house, while walking he answered tendou

After 20 minutes of walking he arrived and went inside the house, his mother was standing in the kitchen with a wooden spoon in her hand, she looked angry, he thought for a moment she had never been as angry as she was just now. The thought scared him, but again he tried to hide it.

When she saw him she inhaled and exchanged before saying “Wakatoshi come here”

He knew that if he ignored her she would get even more angry, so he just went and stood near to her, with every step he took he tried listing down all of the things he could have done wrong for her to be angry at him.

“Yes? What happened?”

“Don’t act all fucking innocent Wakatoshi!”

He jumped on his place because he didn’t expect to be yelled at, he thought she had found out about the graduation and got mad because of it.

“I’m sorry mom, but I didn’t think you would want to go, you are always busy and…” she cut him off.

“I am not mad that you didn’t invite me, I don’t care, I was busy anyways” she pointed at him with the spoon “but seriously are you fucking sick?! You are fucking disgusting!, you know that?!, I bet you just kissed him to make me angry, it is the only think you fucking like right?! Seeing me angry!”

He started shaking, he had always been scared of her even if she was smaller, skinnier and weaker than him he feared her, he tried as hard as he could to stay away from her and keep her satisfied enough, he thought that way his fear would fade away but it never did.

She grabbed her phone and pulled out a photo of a girl with her friends in their graduation outfits. In the back you Ushijima recognized himself and Tendou,they were kissing right before they decided to go to the bar.

She slammed her phone on the counter “REALLY?! Are you fucking stupid, no. You are fucking stupid to do that! You know that is disgusting!, you will go to hell and rot there for being a fucking faggot! and really, with that monster?!”

Ushijima stopped shaking when he heard her calling him a monster, “he has a name”

“I know he has a name , do I look like I care about that monster's name!? I went through enough trouble trying to get you to forget him! You are just so stupidly stubborn, right!?”

Ushijima was confused, trying to get him to forget him?

“What the hell are you even talking about?!” He raised his voice, he could bear with her mother degrading him, but not Tendou, he would never let someone degrade the man of his dreams.

“That monster is the cause you have that scar on your head! Oh you can’t remember?! It’s all his fault and now he got you in his claws again!”

“Stop calling him a monster!, he is not a monster and even if he was I don’t care, yes, I fucking love him, I’m gay and what are you going to do about—“ he was cut off by the wooden spoon hitting his face

He put his hand in his face where she had hit him trying to cover himself but she just kept hitting him, after a while he started bleeding off his eyebrow and lip and his hand was red for trying to cover himself up. She had only hit him in the left side of his face, she always hated his left side because according to her it was bad, unnatural.

“You fucking disgust me! You are just a stupid faggot, I wish I never gave birth to you, the world would be far better off without a fag like you and the monster!”

He was shaking again, he was confused, he was scared, he felt like he wanted to die, his own mother was saying things like that, maybe she was right and the world would be better if he just died, but then he remembered Tendou, the world wouldn’t be complete without him in it, so then why would it be better off without him? he was reminded of how much he loved him and the fact that he became his home, his safe place.Tears started rolling down his cheeks, without letting his mother speak he went to his room and packed some clothes, he was finally at his breaking point, he was done with all of her bullshit, he came out of his room with his backpack, heading to the door.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?!”

She screamed but he decided to ignore her and got out of his house, he walked away, he didn’t know where he was going, but definitely away from her, away from the real monster.

———-———————————————————————————————————————
~flashback

Wakatoshi was 6 years old when his dad (Utsui Takashi) started taking him to this park that had just been opened in Miyagi, at first he didn’t like going because he couldn’t get along with anyone because of how serious he was, all the kids his age avoided him and even though it didn’t bothered him he didn’t find a purpose to go back if the only one playing with him was his dad.

One day he was playing with his dad and they saw a kid with red hair and big red eyes looking at them from the distance, he stood behind his mother’s leg and stared clearly wanting to join them, Wakatoshi felt drawn to him so he told his dad to wait and went running towards the boy and his mother, when Satori saw him running towards them he grabbed his mother’s leg tighter, he was constantly bullied so he believed this boy with greenish hair would do the same.
Wakatoshi bowed to the woman and touched Satori’s arm trying to catch his attention.

“Do you want to play with me?”

The little boy seemed surprised at him asking “why me?”

Wakatoshi stared at him confused “why not? You are staring so you clearly want to play…”

The red headed boy crossed his arms “I can play alone”

Wakatoshi tilted his head and pointed at his dad who was holding the volleyball “but you don’t have a ball and I do”

Satori scrunched his nose and poked his forehead but Wakatoshi seemed unbothered by it, “satori don’t be rude, go play with them” The boy put a sad face “okay, I will play”

Without hesitation Wakatoshi grabbed his hand and dragged the redhead to play with him.

After that going to the park became something routinary, they would meet at the park and play volleyball and talk, they became really close, Satori called Wakatoshi Utsui-kun because he said his first name was too long ,both Wakatoshi’s dad and Satori’s mom were really happy that their children found someone they felt happy around and someone they trusted.
One time it was raining so Wakatoshi and his dad took longer to get to the park, when they got there the redhead woman was sitting on a bench holding and umbrella reading, she told them Satori was playing in the swings waiting for him, the swings were on a separate part, they were covered by bushes so you could barely see them from where his mother was standing.
Wakatoshi ran to the swings happy to see his friend but when he got there some boys who were clearly older than them were pushing Satori while saying things like “you are such a monster” “ew your face” “I bet you don’t have friends, who would like to get near someone like you” “kill the monster!”
Wakatoshi ran towards them and got in the middle of them and his friend, Satori was crying and hiding his face with his hands, he couldn’t stand seeing his friend like that. “stop it!” He said and the older boys just laughed

“What are you going to do about it? Hit us?” One of them pushed Wakatoshi, he was really mad, he had never been so angry in his short life, he jumped and hit one of the older boys in the face, all of them immediately started pushing Wakatoshi until he fell.
Satori was crying and begging them to stop, suddenly the boys stopped and ran away from the park, Satori got confused until he got near his friend and noticed there was blood all over the rocks, the blood was coming from the back of his friends head

“Utsui-kun?” He shook his friend by his shoulders but he wouldn’t open his eyes “please— wake up, wake up!” He started screaming and crying even harder, he hugged his friend “please wake up! Wake up please please please!”.

Both parents came running because they heard Satori’s screams and cries, when they saw the scene they both got super scared and took them to the hospital, both of the parents were crying, how could other kids do this?

In the hospital they were told that the kid had hit his head pretty badly and that he wouldn’t remember anything from the last 3 months, he wouldn’t be able to remember Satori

Wakatoshi’s mother blamed the Tendou family, but blamed mostly the kid, in her head the red headed 6 year old was a monster

“You should have never let Wakatoshi hang out with that kid. I should’ve gone with my gut and had him stay away from that creep the minute I saw him, now look! Our son is hurt and it’s all that little redhead’s fault”

“Calm down, it wasn’t his fault, Wakatoshi just wanted to protect him”

“ I don’t believe you, how can you trust that thing?! Those bug eyes, always looking like he is up to something, I don’t know how my Wakatoshi stood to look at them. That’s it, once our son wakes up, he’s to have no contact with that monster, I can’t have him ruining my son more than he already has”

———-———————————————————————————————————————
It wasn’t until Ushijima was far enough from his mother’s house that realization struck and he noticed he had nowhere to go, he didn’t want anyone to see him like this so, less Satori, he felt vulnerable and he hated it.
He needed to clean his face so he went to a convenience store and asked to use the bathroom, the lady there looked at him in concern but he just avoided making eye contact and went straight to the bathroom.
He looked really bad, the blood on his lip and eyebrow had dried and his cheek and jawline were sore, he tried to clean his face with soap but it burnt so he cleaned it just with water.
He got out and grabbed a cup of noodles because he hadn't eaten anything all day, when he went to pay the cashier looked closely at him with a worried face “are you okay sir?” He looked down trying to hold in the tears and nodded, when he finished paying he went out as quick as he could holding in his strong urge to cry.

He sat at a bench in a random park to eat his noodles, the sun was hitting his face and even though his face still ached he felt a little bit better than before, he closed his eyes trying to enjoy the warmth of the sun but his peace was interrupted by a big dog jumping on his legs and startling him.
He let the dog until he noticed someone came behind the dog and that someone was the former captain of Karasuno, Daichi grabbed the dog by the collar

“Sorry, sorry, the leash couldn’t hold her—, Ushiwaka?”

He raised his hand in a greeting gesture

“What the hell happened to you?”

He felt again the urge to cry but he held it in “agh funny story, I tripped while running” he tried to fake laugh but it came out too fake and Daichi knew that he wouldn’t laugh at that.

“Bro” he put his hand on his shoulder but Ushijima instinctively hit his hand off “I am here you can tell me, I can help...”

Wakatoshi felt like he was about to cry again so he just stood up quickly “I need to go, goodbye” he walked away from the park. He could hear Daichi screaming at him to come back but he just continued walking away, he just wanted to be alone.

Daichi didn’t try to stop him, he let Wakatoshi run away knowing something was off. He decided not to keep his arms crossed and messaged all the people he knew attended Shiratorizawa.

__________________________________________________________________________

The old team looked everywhere for Ushijima, he wasn’t the type of guy who would get into a fight, they were worried even if they tried to deny it.
“Daichi said he saw him in the park, but there is no trace of him”

Said Hayato over the phone, on the other side of the line Reon was holding the phone while Tendou tried to figure out where Ushijima could be, his face lit up as he started running.

“I think I know where he’s at, I’ll call you later!!”

He ran through the same street they walked along together on their first date, he passed by the convenience store and remembered how Ushiijima didn’t like strawberry flavored things, Satori smiled even though it made him sad thinking that even when they weren’t together he couldn't escape their memories.

When Satori found Ushijima, he was laying on the grass with his eyes closed, his arms were wrapped around a bag in his chest, Satori sighed and knelt down beside him.

“You are so easy to find, my miracle boy”

Ushijima swallowed as soon as he heard that voice, he kept his eyes closed knowing he wouldn’t be able to hold his tears if he saw him there, he wanted Tendou to think he was strong but around him he always let his guard down, Tendou was his strength as well as he was his weakness, Satori was the control tower of Ushijima’s life, he had been there since they were kids, at first it was a dream, then he came along and painted Ushijima’s days with the prettiest tone of red he had ever seen.

“Hey”

Ushijima muttered, his heart felt heavier as Tendou carefully passed his fingers over his nose, he started caressing Ushijima’s face, he knew the silence between them was different this time, for the first time since they got together Tendou was scared his words could shatter his lover into pieces, yet he couldn't help but worry, he wanted Ushijima to slightly smile at him while listening to all the bad jokes he memorized only to see Ushijima’s reaction.

“Wakatoshi-kun… ”

Tendou didn’t finish his sentence when he felt Ushijima’s arms around him. Ushijima tightened the hug hiding his face in Tendou’s chest, as soon as Ushijima heard Tendou’s heartbeat the world around him faded but his pain didn’t. Silent tears started rolling down his cheeks, it wasn’t until he found himself in the safest place he realized what had just happened. He couldn’t find his breath as the image of his mother hitting and screaming at him started playing in his head, especially since all those screams weren’t something new.

His soft crying turned into a painful sobbing. Everything he bottled up inside started burning inside him, his mind was reaching the darkest places he tried to ignore for years like the way he hated himself for being considered an unnatural child, or the way every time he looked at the old pictures with his dad he couldn’t help but think he left because of him, or the fact that until Shiratorizawa he never had a place he thought he belonged at, or the way he was so scared of loving only to end like his parent’s marriage. Ushijima finally opened his eyes when he realized he was probably staining Tendou’s clothes, he tried to catch his breath trying to finally put into words the chaos running through his mind, he opened his mouth but no words came out. Tendou offered him a soft smile as he reached for his lovers cheeks, he noticed how irregular Ushijima’s breath was and he knew exactly what to do, he had gone through the same multiple times when his mind darkened making his breath shake.

“Wakatoshi-kun… look at me, we’ll get through this together, alright?”

His voice was calm making Ushijima weak again, the tall boy suddenly looked smaller than ever. Tendou grabbed Ushijima’s hand rubbing his thumb against them, he looked at Ushijima’s eyes waiting for him to glance back at him, when he finally did he took a deep breath.

“Come on, breathe, it’s okay, you are okay, we are okay”

Tendou smiled while helping Ushijima find his breath again, their eyes never left each other’s and something in Tendou’s heart broke when he realized that under all of Ushijima’s pain he was still holding a soft smile for him.

After a few minutes of nothing but Ushijima’s shaky breath they got up, Tendou called a taxi for them, through all the way to Reon’s house he wondered what happened in order for Ushijima to have such reaction and after a few minutes he decided he wasn’t ready to listen to the whole story, he doubted but decided to keep quiet.

Ushijima found himself wearing Tendou’s biggest clothes after taking a hot shower to ease his mind and pain, he would spend the night at Reon’s house, Tendou waited for him to get out of the shower to apply band aids with smiley faces on his deepest wounds. When Tendou wrapped Ushijima in his arms he kissed his neck, forehead and nose only wishing to cheer him up, he tried to memorize the feeling of his lover by tracing his profile with his fingertips then he hid in Ushijima's neck looking for something more than the smell of soap, he gave up and kiss him instead. Tendou held Ushijima delicately while their lips started touching each other’s, both of them closed their eyes, keeping this moment for themselves. Tendou kissed Ushijima slowly and smoothly, he wanted to be able to keep the feeling forever.

When Ushijima fell asleep in Tendou’s arms his world was finally at ease but Tendou’s started breaking into pieces. He stayed beside him, kissed him and made sure to let Ushijima know he was loved, he thought Ushijima deserved to be loved especially since he helped him love and accept himself, in Tendou’s mind Ushijima was a hero who instead of defeating the monster fell in love with him.

_________________________________________________________________________

Ushijima woke up cold, first thing first he tried to reach Tendou to wrap him in his arms and thank him, but when he found nothing but a piece of paper he wanted to go back to sleep just in case the last few months had been a dream, he closed his eyes doubting about all the smiles he shared with Tendou and he told himself there was no way for those warm and sweet lips to be a dream, there was no way those beautiful red eyes didn’t stared back at him offering the closest thing to a home.

He then got up and took the piece of paper in between his hands, he started reading carefully as soon as he recognized Tendou’s handwriting.

“Wakatoshi-kun, my dear boyfriend…

I don’t wanna break up with you but it seems like I have to, and it pains me to know that I’m leaving you alone when you need me the most, but the truth is Wakatoshi-kun that the reason you probably fought with your mom today is because of me. Long time ago, when we met for the very first time you brought light into my life, with you I felt like I was human… I’ve always loved how you never called me a monster not back then, not now even if it's something nice now. Thanks to you I have some pretty nice childhood memories. Sadly they started vanishing when you played my hero and hit your head… I’ve always wished I could’ve done something to stop them. I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry I did it again today.

Just like an air balloon, sometimes you need to get rid of the excess weight to fly higher… you can fly higher, but I am just pulling you down.

With this I guess I’m trying to say that I’ve loved you for more than we’ve known and I will still love you even if we part ways, that’s why I’m leaving I don’t wanna hurt you anymore. Please hold your head high and do your best! I’ll be watching.

With love, Satori.

PD: I am sorry I didn’t stay and say this to your face but it would have been so much harder.

Ushijima shook his head when he realized tears were rolling down his face trying not to stain the letter with them. He wasn’t quite sure of what he had read but he knew whatever it was, it was painful.

When Ushijima was conscious enough to reread the letter he didn’t even knew how to react, the man of his dreams runaway thinking he was the reason of his pain, but truth is Tendou would never hurt Ushijima even if he intended to, Ushijima would never blame him for what happened especially because he was clueless about it at first but now that he knew Tendou was the reason he had a scar on his head his opinion about him didn’t change at all, they were in love and he knew that was meant to be.

The tall green haired boy took his phone and typed Satori’s phone number hoping he could at least let Tendou know he also loved him and he will always do, but something broke a little more inside when he realized he had been blocked. The man of his dreams was real, they hugged and laughed but now everytime Ushijima closes his eyes and tries to hug him the beautiful red headed boy slips through his fingers and disappears.

________________________________________________________________________

The summer sun was getting hotter and hotter each day meaning that after every single match the former third years of Shiratorizawa played on the public court they will all have a popsicle to help them feel a bit fresh. As Ushijima wiped the sweat from his forehead he felt all the eyes were on him, he looked up and just offered that creepy smile of his.

“Ushijima-san, are you okay? It’s the third match this week and yet you haven’t spiked as usual… you’ve been missing the ball…”

“I am okay, I just can’t focus”

Semi looked at Reon who just nodded, they both knew it was probably because someone was missing, Hayato looked confused but still caught up quickly, that day they finished their game early and just sat down to enjoy the popsicles on their hands.

“Ushijima-san, we all think you should try and talk to him… maybe you’ll be able to focus way better if you do…”

Reon spoke with such a considerate but challenging voice, Ushijima froze when he heard him, it was easy to say it when they had no idea of the full situation.

“I can’t” Ushijima said and looked down, Reon grabbed him by the neck of his shirt making him look up “Wakatoshi, do something for the love of god, what the hell happened between you two?!” He said while raising his voice, shaking the green haired boy.
Wakatoshi felt frustrated with anything and he snapped, he pushed Reon and raised his voice “YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE OF WHAT HAPPENED, YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF ANYTHING SO SHUT UP REON”, everyone looked at them, it was the first time probably anyone had seen him like that, they could see the pain in his eyes and hear it in his voice. “HE LEFT ME BECAUSE HE THINKS HE WILL HURT ME, ISN’T HE CRAZY?!”

“Wakatoshi calm down…” Semi got near him and grabbed him by the arm but he pulled his arm away “I LOST HIM AGAIN, Again…” Ushijima could feel the tears starting to form in his eyes “I am sorry, I need to go” he left the gym, hearing how the other guys were calling out his name but he just kept walking until the only sound he could hear was the one the cicadas made.

He was so angry at himself, how could he let himself forget about Satori when he was a kid, even if he now knew, he couldn’t remember anything apart from the small segments that played when he went to sleep. He hated himself for forgetting about that beautiful kid so easily.

Ushijima wanted to remember so badly, he thought if he did maybe and just maybe he could find a way to heal Tendou’s heart so he could stop feeling guilty… If only he could remember.
In desperation he started hitting his head with his left fist “please remember, please…”
He was so immerse in his thoughts that he didn’t hear Reon getting near
“What the… stop!” Reon rushed to him grabbing his arms, forcing him to stop.
Wakatoshi looked down, he couldn’t stop crying, it hurt a lot. Reon noticed the tears and pulled him into a tight hug and stayed there silent, he knew it was probably better if he didn’t say anything.

They kept hugging until Ushijima was able to breathe again, Reon patted his shoulders and let go of him, without saying a word they started walking back to the gym joining everyone else to say goodbye.

After fighting with his mom Wakatoshi had been staying with Reon so he thought maybe it was time for him to find a new place, Reon had always been the collected type of guy so it surprised Ushijima when he randomly grabbed him by the neck meaning he probably ran tired of him. When they got home Reon was the first to talk.

“I apologize for today… You know I’m not like that, but Ushiwaka you haven’t been yourself this past month, we’re all worried and I genuinely hate seeing you like this but you won’t let me help… I know that’s weird I’m sorry”

Wakatoshi sighed nodding in understanding he looked at Reon and got close to him gathering courage with each step.

“The truth is I can’t even understand what’s going on with myself either” Ushijima stopped for a second then look him in the eye “Should I find a new place to stay?”

Reon instantly shook his head.

“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable, but no need to run away, you can stay until you get your dorm at the university… but please find someone to talk to… we all want our Wakatoshi back”

“Thanks” was all that Ushijima could say before heading to his room, he laid down and tried to sleep, lately whenever he missed Satori he would close his eyes hoping the grown up version of the boy he dreamed with would save him from the growing emptiness in his chest. He never came.

____________________________________________________________________________

The days passed by and Ushijima had to pack his things along with his feelings to go to university, he never thought he'd miss Japan as much as he did as soon as he stepped into the US. Entering and leaving classrooms every hour when the only thing he wanted to do besides having Tendou in between his arms was train and train and train. Of course he wanted to convince himself he played for himself but in reality he knew he played because the last thing he had from Satori were the words “I’ll be watching” and he hold onto those words as if they were a prophecy, every day he stepped on the court his eyes would wonder around trying to see even for a second a trace of the red head, of course he never saw him, they weren’t breathing the same air or looking into the same stars but he tried not to think much about it.

Iwaizumi had entered Ushijima’s life and for once in a while he didn’t feel alone, with Iwaizumi Ushijima felt like he could be himself in some way, he let his walls fall and talked to Iwaizumi whenever his mind felt heavy enough.

When Iwaizumi talked about Takashi Utsui to his now close friend he was taken by surprise when he read they were actually father and son, for Ushijima it was a chance to talk to his dad after all the crazy things that happened at the four walls he later discovered weren’t a home.

After talking about Ushijima’s dad the two friends decided to pay a visit, Iwaizumi was trying to hide his excitement when he held the man’s hand, training could’ve been a good way to spend time but Utsui prefered to go somewhere calm and share a bit of life with the son he had missed for so long. His second cup of coffee was almost finished when Utsui broke his son’s awkward attitude and with a hand gently resting on his shoulder he asked

“What’s wrong? You seem kinda… in another world, are you sure you’re okay?

Ushijima looked into his father’s eyes and nodded.

“Of course I am”

Utsui shook his head knowing something was off with his son, when he looked at Iwaizumi he was already opening his mouth.

“Being real he is not, and I think he should really talk to you about it but if he’s not gonna do it then I will”

Both of them looked at the green haired boy who just shrugged his shoulders knowing there was nothing left for him to try, maybe Hajime was right and he should let his dad know.

“Well your son was kicked out of his house after his mother went crazy on him, he lived with his teammate until he got here and-”

Before the boy with spiky hair could finish talking Ushijima sighed and interrupt him, if they were going to talk about Tendou then he wanted to be the one to explain how much he loved him and how he would never blame him for not having a house for a few months, he never cared about that because as long as he could remember Tendou then he had a roofless home.

“And my boyfriend broke up with me on the same day… he was the reason I got kicked out… well she didn’t kick me out, I ran away… do you think I’m weird?”

“Those were too many words… but no son, I don’t care if you like boys or girls or someone in between. Love is not easy to find, neither is it happiness so if that boy made you happy then I don’t care at all, everyone deserves happiness even if it’s just a little.
Only a monster would hate someone for being able to find love”

As his father spoke Ushijima swallowed his words, they sounded like medicine to him and suddenly he felt like he needed to see the boy of his dreams and thank him for giving him the happiest months of his life. Wakatoshi shook his head with a slight smile on his face and thanked his dad, both of them later hugged and Ushijima realized he missed the warmth of those arms as much as he missed Tendou.

“Now, can I know more about this guy”

“He’s crazy, he gave himself the nickname of the guess monster”

Iwaizumi talked remembering all the times he played against Shiratorizawa, he smiled but then sighed as he heard Oikawa’s voice playing in his head. Ushijima only shook his head.

“I always hated that nickname, but yes… he’s an amazing middle blocker… he was. When he told me he would quit after we lost to karasuno I felt so uneasy knowing I will have to say goodbye… but I told him I liked him and we got together. Dad, he was amazing, always smiling… I miss him a lot but I don’t even know what university he goes to”

Ushijima spoke more than usual but he was only able to express half of the things he felt for that boy. Tendou had always been his sun, ready to brighten his days after a storm.

____________________________________________________________________________

The university days were over and the only thing that changed was Iwaizumi constantly shouting Oikawa’s name in the middle of the night, they never stopped talking and slowly both of them realized they weren’t so different to Daichi and Suga or what one day was Ushijima and Tendou.

When Iwaizumi and Ushijima’s plane landed on their beloved country the excitement on Iwaizumi’s face was impossible to hide, when he saw Oikawa waving at them Iwaizumi ran into his arms kissing his forehead a thousand times.

“You owe me like a hundred hours of sleep, shittykawa”

“Oh shut up and kiss me already”

Both of them laughed and played around as usual, Ushijima was happy for his friend but deep down he wished Tendou was there too, walking to him with open arms.

“Did Ushiwaka bother you Iwa-chan?!”

Oikawa stuck his tongue out at Wakatoshi who was just staring at them, Iwaizumi hit Oikawa in the head
“Dumbass, he is my friend so shut up flattykawa”

“IWA- CHAN DON'T CALL ME THAT” Oikawa did a puppy face and hugged the spiky haired boy

“So we should all go somewhere to eat, the airplane food was really bad” Iwaizumi said. He was trying to get them to get on better because the green haired boy had become someone really special to him. Oikawa noticed and slowly he swallowed some of his pride, he would never admit it in front of others but he would do anything for Iwaizumi “that’s what love is” he said to himself.

The boys left their baggage in Oikawa’s car and decided to walk around the city trying to find something to eat. They had been far for a long time so both of them wanted to find something that would make them feel like they never left. Oikawa guided them into his favorite restaurant but before they could reach it Ushijima glimpsed a bright warm color, he would recognize him anywhere. The color his eyes had caught was now gone, but Ushijima trusted his heart more than he trusted his tired eyes, he stayed still trying to catch it again. Turning on his heels.

“Ushijima…?” Iwaizumi said and grabbed him by his shoulders “bro come on”
The big Green haired man ignored him and ran away trying to find that red headed boy he desired to see at least one last time.
He kept running, looking for his sun, por the paradise he longed for so deeply, he felt like he was flying, reaching towards the sun, but it just kept going higher up into the skies getting farther and farther away.
He was so immersed into his thoughts that he didn’t notice he ended up in a random residential street, he got lost “my expectations were too high” he muttered.
He pulled out his phone and and saw he had lots of notifications from Iwaizumi Hajime

“Oh…” he said while reading Iwaizumi’s messages
He pulled an online map and started heading back to the restaurant. His mind kept going back to Satori, he noticed how lonely he felt, he missed having him by his side.
He just wanted to turn back time to high school, to be able to be there for him.

The streets were half as crowded as he remembered so he didn’t bother looking up from his phone as he walked. Immersed in his yearning of the past the sounds around him vanished leaving only the faded voice of the redhead in his mind, he came out of his sudden trance when he ran into someone coming out of a store, Ushijima lifted his head to apologize but what he saw left him speechless. A soft smile drawn on his face as he apologized to the boy he missed so much, as he spoke he wondered if the Satori in front of him was real or just a mere hallucination provoked by his yearning.

“Fuck” He heard Tendou said softly, his face flushing in a soft red, he had cut his beautiful hair and it was now in a buzz cut, he looked good, he definitely looked older.

“Sorry, again....” His heart beating as it hadn’t for so long, he wondered if he should say something more and so he did, trying to hide the thousand different things he felt when their eyes met. “Long time no see”

“I know… I… need to go somewhere else, can we keep this for another time?”

The voice coming out of Tendou’s throat was calm but the nervousness could still be heard.

“How about tomorrow at 6pm right here” Ushijima had a faint smile drawn in his face, he finally had a chance to be near him again and he would not let this opportunity go to waste

“Wakatoshi it was an expression…” Satori looked down and started fidgeting with his fingers “I am too busy with… stuff”

“Please Satori… just let me talk to you one last time, if after it you decide you never want to see me again it is fine, I promise I will let you go… just please come tomorrow…” He grabbed his face and made him look up at him, Satori took a step back.

“I will think about it” he started walking the other way but stopped in his tracks and looked back “goodbye Wakatoshi, maybe see you later” and he continued walking.

Ushijima went back to the restaurant, they noticed something happened because for once in 4 years he didn’t seem depressed, there was a light in his eyes… a light of hope

____________________________________________________________________________

And like that the next day came, October 18th, the day Ushijima Wakatoshi would be able to reach the sun.
for the first time in his life he was trying to dress nicely, he asked Oikawa for help, he refused until Iwaizumi hit him but still helped.
It was raining so he decided he would drive there, he stepped outside and stood in the rain for a moment to feel the cold raindrops fall onto his skin, he needed that to gain courage to be able to talk to the boy he had loved since he was 6 years old.

He got in the car and connected his phone to the stereo, he started looking for a playlist they made in Highschool, the name of the playlist was “every flavour mochi except strawberry”, he played it on shuffle and immediately lady Gaga started playing, he laughed remembering how Satori would imitate her.

He started driving towards where they were supposed to meet, every single song that played was a nice memory with the beautiful boy, remembering all of them made him feel warm inside but also very nostalgic.
He hadn’t driven since he came back to Japan so he felt out of his comfort zone.

Then a very special song started playing, Saw you in a dream by the Japanese house.

“I saw you in a dream
You had stayed the same
You were beckoning me
Said that I had changed
Tried to keep my eyes closed
I want you so bad
Then I awoke and it was so sad”

That song reminded him of the time he decided he would one day marry Satori. He remembered the beauty of that man's voice while he sang this to him, the warmth of his skin against his in the cold rain, years ago on a day like this.

“I saw you in a dream
You came to me
You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision
There was no reason, no explanation
The perfect hallucination”

And then it happened, he was not going to be able to reach the sun.
Life is not a dream where everything goes just according to plan, this dream can easily turn into your worst nightmare.
It is funny how life can change in a second, how everything can change with a simple bad turn.

The car flipped, a pretty bad crash.
Ushijima took a bad turn and ended up in the wrong lane, to not the car that was near him made another fast movement that ended up in his car flipping over the edge.

“All good things come to an end
But I thought that this might last
But you came and left so fast”

“I am so sorry Satori” he said to himself, he knew he probably wasn’t going to be able to make it out of there, he just wished he could see him one last time, hold him between his arms one last time, hear his sweet voice one last time…

“I saw you in a dream
Then it came to an end
I wonder if you'll come and visit me again
You're taking your time to reappear
I'm starting to believe that when I call your name”

He opened his eyes and he thought he was able to see the red headed small boy from his dreams in front of him, reaching his hand at him.
“I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna leave you” a tear fell off his cheek.
He reached his hand at the small figure standing in front of him…

“You just don't hear me anymore
And I know that I shouldn't even try
It's a waste of time”

The last things he heard were droplets hitting the ground were he laid and a song once a beautiful red headed man sang for him under the rain while dancing with him,softly playing in the background.
____________________________________________________________________________

Satori ended his shift at a local chocolate store at 5pm, he pulled out his phone, his earphones and played music while he walked to where he was supposed to meet his old lover, he was preparing his goodbye speech, he knew if he went back into his life he would just get hurt, like he did all those years back.

It started raining while he walked, he pulled out an umbrella but when he was just ready to open it he remembered what the green haired boy had told him all those years back “please don’t run away from the rain”.

He got there and entered a small coffee shop that was right in front of where they were going to meet, he ordered himself a hot cocoa and a mochi platter to share with Wakatoshi “I mean if this is goodbye at least share something nice with him for one last time”.
He pointed the mochi platter from the menu to the waitress “but please no strawberry… he hates strawberry mochi…” he muttered the last part to himself.
Since the day his mother told him he was the same boy from the park he had distanced himself from everyone and everything that could possibly remind him of the moments near Wakatoshi, he wanted to forget all of them, even though Ushijima was the one who hit his head the one who hurled the most was Tendou, he blamed himself for everything, he went so far to believe that the world would be better without him, if he would just disappear.

Then a very specific song started playing in his earphones, a song that he had avoided for 4 years.

“I saw you in a dream
You had stayed the same
You were beckoning me
Said that I had changed
Tried to keep my eyes closed
I want you so bad
Then I awoke and it was so sad”

For once he decided to let it play, it was nice remembering those nice times he once had, the beauty of the boy who would refuse to get out of the rain, how even though he barely smiled when he did he could light up a whole room.
He remembered something he told his mother before he left Miyagi to run away from his feelings towards the green haired man.
“If he were the sun, I would fly high to reach him, Icarus was not crazy, he was in love” he said to himself thinking how Icarus knew the danger flying too close to the sun meant, and still he tried reaching it, risking his life for the beauty of the sun.

Maybe he didn’t want to say goodbye to him, being in love in general is risking yourself to be heartbroken, risking your mental health for someone else’s, Wakatoshi wanted to risk himself by trying to get near this mess again “Maybe I could… not run away from love…” he muttered.

He was thinking so hard he didn’t even notice the song had finished, he got near the window trying to look around to see if he could spot his paradise, but he was nowhere to be seen “maybe he is just a little late”. “Maybe he forgot it was at 6…”. “He is going to come, I know it…”

After 2 hours of waiting he lost hope, he ate all the mochi by himself and paid.
He got out of the store and started walking home “I should have expected this, no one wants to go back to a monster”, he kept walking through the sidewalk until he saw a bunch of cop cars and an ambulance, he was nosey so he got near and saw a car upside down, in the ambulance there were some paramedics around someone, they were using a defibrillator on them.

“Shit that must be harsh” he kept walking towards his apartment feeling uneasy.

The next day he heard it on the news, “volleyball player, one of the best aces of Japan dies in a car crash, Star player Ushijima Wakatoshi got in a crash yesterday October 18th”

“No… they are lying… he would, no they got mixed up it’s not him, please tell me it’s not him!”
He cried hugging his legs on the cold floor of his apartment, “it can’t be him...”
In the coldness of his room he felt his heart about to break through his skin, one hundred thoughts chasing him as the image of the boy he saw two days ago smiled at him. The tears started rolling down his cheeks, he covered his face as he did, trying to think of anything but him, he couldn’t, a lot of things were his, Ushijima was everywhere. Guilt grew as a knot in his throat “once again” he thought.

Tendou took his phone between his shaky hands and as he unblocked his lover’s social media he realized he was now alone, it was the thought of getting away from him what kept him going for a while. He knew he loved that boy as he had never loved anyone before and it was his fear of hurting him that broke them apart. A picture popped out; Iwaizumi, Oikawa and Ushijima sitting on a restaurant table, he recognized the shirt the green haired boy was wearing, it was the day they ran into each other. “If only I could go back in time, sit down besides him and tell him…”. A sob escaped his mouth, he covered it but there was nothing he could do to the mourning. “If only I could tell him that I loved him… that I love him”. He corrected himself thinking of the words he wrote down when they broke up.

“I’m trying to say that I’ve loved you for more than we’ve known and I will still love you even if we part ways”

He will never not be in love with the man that refused to call him a monster, he will never not be in love with the boy that hated strawberry mochi, he will never not be in love with the boy that didn’t run from the rain.

He will never not love Ushijima Wakatoshi.

__________________________________________________________________________

Satori woke up to his ringtone, his puffy eyes from crying were hard to open, but he did. Over the phone Iwaizumi’s voice surprised him but he was too drained to express it.

“He would have wanted you to be there” his voice soft and calm as if he spoke a little louder the land would shake and tear every form of life apart, Tendou’s life apart.

“What? Where?” Satori’s voice was husky, his mind was foggy and he remembered last night as if it had been a dream.

“Tomorrow is his funeral… He would have wanted nothing but for you to be there… He loved you”

“You don’t have to say that… I know” his voice cracked as he spoke, he swallowed and then it hit him again. “I loved him too”

Iwaizumi said nothing, he just sighed and nodded as he heard Tendou’s shaky breathing.

“I’m such a fool… the last thing I told him was that I was too busy to be with him... I need to tell him that I love him… do you think he will hear it?

Tendou spoke between sobs, his face was surely as red as his hair now.

“I’m sure he will”

“I’ll be there”

The redhead ended the call, turned around and buried his face in between his pillows, he wished Ushijima had slept there, that way he could try and look for a tiny spot that smelled like him. He only smelled soap.
____________________________________________________________________________

Tendou put on a black suit that was a little baggy on him, his eyes were puffy but he couldn’t care less how he looked, the only person he wanted to look good for was gone.

He took a taxi, after the accident he had developed a strange fear of driving, he tried driving to the shop but started hyperventilating when he turned on the car.

When he got there he saw people he hadn’t seen since high school, from the guys from Karasuno, Seijoh, their ex teammates and the coach Washijo.
But there was a certain someone who caught his attention, it was a man probably in his mid 40s near the altar, he looked easily familiar but he couldn’t really tell.

He got near the altar to be able to pray for him a little, the first thing he saw was the picture of him, it was a picture from their graduation, he looked smaller than he did the last time he saw him but still as beautiful, it is hard to think that the next day he left him, “I am so sorry Wakatoshi-kun” he muttered and a tear feel down his face.

He got startled because he felt a hand reach his shoulder, he looked at the person who grabbed him and it was that familiar man, he was carrying a plastic bag, he was shorter than him and quite muscular “you are Tendou right?” The man asked, he noticed his eyes were puffy too even though he was smiling softly at him.

“Um yes, I am, sorry I was in the way…” Satori was interrupted by this man “no need to be sorry and you were not, I am Wakatoshi’s father, we met before but you were very little” the man pulled out a bottle of sake and poured some on a vase that was at his son's altar.

When Satori heard who this man was he instantly got nervous, he felt guilty “oh I am so sorry… it’s my fault” tendou said, the man lifted his head up from the altar to look at the redhead “what makes you think it is your fault?”

“He was going to see me when… you know” Tendou looked down, he couldn’t bear to look at his face when it was his fault he wasn’t there

“That does not mean it was your fault, don’t blame yourself for an accident” the man grabbed Tendou and pulled him into a tight hug “he talked a lot about you, he has never been very verbal yet he could talk hours about you…. thank you for making my son happy”.
Tendou started crying, he liked to hear that at least the time he was with him he was happy, even if it wasn’t a lot of time…

They both let go, they were both crying softly, Takashi because he lost his son knowing he hadn’t spent that much time with him because he left him when he was young, and tendou because he lost his soulmate, the only person he felt safe around.

Satori helped him finish setting up the altar. “I think we are done” Takashi said and whipped a tear from his face “mm… can I put something else?” Tendou asked and raised his voice a little, he knew he needed to put this.

“Yes Satori, you knew him better than me…” tendou hugged him quickly thanking him for the permission and ran out of the funeral, everyone was a little bit shocked but Ushijima’s father just smiled knowing that he would bring something special.

The red headed tall man came back with a box in his hands, Takashi gave him a big plate and Tendou started setting up the food he brought, after he finished he stepped back with a smile in his face while tearing up “every flavour mochi except strawberry…”

The time came for the speeches, most of them mentioned how he was a great captain and even though he was scary at first glance he was actually a really good person and how they are glad they got to know him, Hinata mentioned how he motivated him, Oikawa how persistent he was, Semi started telling anecdotes from high school while laughing, he ended up crying.

Iwaizumi’s time to speak came, he pulled out folded piece of paper he had in his pocket and started reading it “I need to be honest I hated him in high school, I kind of felt like he liked Oikawa and I just wanted to get him as far away as possible” he looked at the altar and looked back again at the people standing there listening to him “but it was nothing like that, he was a great person even though he wasn’t very expressive, he helped me a lot during college, god he even helped me meet my idol… who also ended up being his dad” he laughed softly “he even helped me get together with the man of my dreams, he became someone really special to me really fast, I just have one thing to say...thank you for everything Ushiwaka”

It was the turn of Utsui Takashi to speak about his son “my son…. my son was an amazing person, he never ceased to amaze me, he was great at everything he did… well almost everything, he was never great at letting people in, he was always someone who didn’t think his problems were big enough to be talked about and that was something really hurtful to see as his father…” he scratched his head and looked down “there are many things I regret but the one I regret the most is leaving him, I was a really bad parent for leaving when he needed me the most. And I thought he would hate me for that, but he didn’t, he didn’t hold a grudge against me, he decided to forgive me even though I didn’t deserve it at all. Those 4 years I was able to see my son again were the best 4 years of my life, seeing him talk so passionately about someone he loved was beautiful…. My only wish is that in their next life they can meet again and finally be together” he looked at Satori “they both deserve it”

It was Satori’s time to say his speech, he didn’t have anything planned because every time he tried writing his speech or even just thinking about it he would just start crying, he went to the front of the room and and took a deep breath “well… where can I even start” he scratched his nose nervously as he tried to organize the memories rushing through his mind. “Ushijima was everything that was right in this life… I didn’t notice but… I’ve loved him for more than I could remember, he was my first friend… my first home made of skin” Tendou stopped to fill his lungs as he felt the air heavier, he closed his eyes and a bright smile can be seen on his face, he giggled. “I am now a homeless man… but I know sometimes when I least expect it I will feel like he’s still around, like now for example”. He went silent and everyone followed, heavy rain could be heard, crashing into the roof. “When I kissed him for the first time we were soaked with rain… he told me not to run from it… God, how right he was… he said rain has a lot of good things usually people can’t see as for me, it is him” Tendou whipped the tears tickling his cheeks as he looked up sighing “I love you”. He said clearly, Iwaizumi was right, he was listening. “Ushijima… I cannot begin to explain how much you changed my life… I guess, no, I know you loved the red of my hair and eventually everything that had that color on it ‘cause it reminds me of you’ you once said… so I… never told you but I too started loving things that were yellowish green, since you confessed to me life turned yellowish green, it is beautiful of course but not as beautiful as you are… were, I don’t even know anymore” he whipped his eyes because they were full of tears and he couldn’t see anything, as his eyes got used to the light again he thought he was able to see the green haired boy standing in the back of the room smiling at him “I love you Wakatoshi-kun, and I will always do…” he wished he could kiss him at least once again “thank you for existing at the same time as me, for being the colour of my life”

____________________________________________________________________________

The rest of the year was incredibly hard for Tendou, he felt lonely even if he had friends around, the person he wanted to be near was gone.
He formed a really strange bond with Wakatoshi’s dad, he went back to the United States but messaged him almost daily asking him how he was, he was a really caring person just like his son.

Tendou was one day working when he got a notification from the calendar in his phone “time capsule with MY Wakatoshi-kun (tomorrow)” he stared at the notification for easily 5 minutes until a coworker asked if he was okay “oh yeah, I just… can someone take my shift tomorrow?”
One of his coworkers agreed on taking his shift that day.

That night he wasn’t able to sleep because he couldn’t stop thinking about him and all he said surrounding the time capsule, he was nervous of what could be inside it, and in a way he thought of it as useless because he was gone, he wouldn’t be able to open his gift even though it was very dumb.

He ended up falling asleep at 4am in the morning, he woke up around 1pm from 6 lost calls from his mother

He got up and put his green hoodie on

He went out, it was warm and the sky was very clear. He grabbed his bike and started going towards his mothers house, it was quite far away but he sold his car and it was too expensive and the weather was nice so he wasn’t bothered by it.

He put on one of his earphones and the playlist he had been listening to since the accident every flavour mochi except strawberry, he reached the house after almost an hour, he was exhausted so he laid on the grass of the patio before pulling out the shovel, he looked up to the skies and closed his eyes “finally I am going to see what you made for me Wakatoshi-kun” he stood up and went looking for the shovel.

He looked for the rocks they both placed to be able to find the spot more easily and started digging, 5 years had passed so the dirt was hard “damn this would be way easier with your big muscles Wakatoshi-kun” he looked at the sky, hoping his lover could hear him.
“Who am I kidding you can’t hear me, I am all alone” he threw the shovel away and fell to the grass to hug his knees over his chest, to feel like he was hugging him. He started to cry like he did every day knowing that he would never be able to feel his warmth again.

He felt he was being watched so he raised his head and saw 2 little boys staring at him from the street, one of them had really light grey hair and the other one dark brown, they reminded him of him and Wakatoshi when they were little, a tear rolled down his face “... BOO” the kids ran away and tendou was left alone again, but he didn’t feel like it.
“I am going to take that as a sign that you are indeed listening, miracle boy” he stood, grabbed the shovel and continued digging.

After a while he hit a hard surface, he threw the shovel and started to pull it out with his hands being carefully to not damage anything, he pulled out first the box he made, it was put on top of Wakatoshi’s because it was smaller, he opened the box he made “look Wakatoshi” he pulled out a notebook and held it to the skies “it is a book of all the reasons I love you, part one, part two Is a digital document” he started laughing “I am taking this to your altar tomorrow my dear, also some mochi and a boba, you deserve it” he smiled at the sky and closed his eyes imagining Wakatoshi was at his side.
“I guess it’s my turn to open what’s for me” he pulled out the box out of the hole and shaked the dirt off.

He opened it and saw the box was full of a lot of things, but on top of them there was a dark red envelope, it was sealed with wax, the wax stamp had a pretty flower pattern.
He took a deep breath “god I am not ready” he still opened it and took out a letter, it was beautiful to see his calligraphy once again

Dear Satori
So five years have passed right? We are now 23… maybe 24 … you know I am not good with math, neither with words and yet I am here writing you a letter at 3am in the morning.
Well I want to begin with some questions
1-How is your hair? I like your hair, I mean no matter what you do with it I will always love it, I love the colour, it special like us
2-do we live together? I hope we do, I would really like having an apartment with you, I remember once you mentioned you wanted to move to one of those rustic apartments in the heart of Paris so maybe we live in one.
3-did you really leave volleyball? I know you said you would leave it but I know how happy it makes you, maybe you join a non competitive team or just play with me, I don’t know
4-how are you in general? I know your mental health is not great, and yet you always hold a beautiful smile, I hope you are okay, when you feel bad you can talk to me, I will always be there listening.
5- are we still together? That is not a very nice question, but our conversation left me thinking, I would never leave you but maybe something happened and we had to get away from each other

A tear fell into the letter and Tendou quickly cleaned it so that the letter would remain intact

In case it did, I don’t blame you, I love you and I know you have a reason for everything you do, and believe me I wouldn’t give up so easily, I will just keep going towards you because you are my sun, I will follow you to the end of the world.
Now some things I want to say
Tendou Satori, my love
I hope you understand how much I love you, since the day I first dreamed about you I knew you were someone very special, a game changer, and yes this seems weird but I swear I dreamed about you since I was a kid, i have always felt really lonely and yet thinking that you maybe existed gave me hope, you were probably the nicest part about my childhood even if you truly weren’t there.

You are beautiful Satori, it really hurts me that you can not see that, you have the prettiest eyes and the prettiest face, maybe only I have noticed but you have little freckles on your shoulders, they make me go crazy, you make me go crazy Satori, I love every single part of you, you are so perfect in every way, you are the only person I know that has made me laugh.
You remind me of a sunrise, you bring light and warmth to this cold person that I am, honestly without you I don’t think I would be the person I am right now, you made me a better person, and I love that, I feel like I get to have a little of you wherever I go.
I love you and want to spend the rest of my life beside you, you know grow old with you, will you still love me if I look like a raisin and wear diapers? Because I know I will love you even if the redness of your hair is gone and replaced with white, not only your hair is red, all of you are red, I can’t explain it but even if you dyed your hair and wore colored lenses you would still be red, the fact that you close your eyes doesn’t make the sun stop shining.

I am sorry if it is not understandable. I am bad at this, I am better at showing affection in person, but as a summary I love you Tendou Satori and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, thank you for existing.

-Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Tendou started bawling out, he grabbed the letter close to his chest and looked up with his eyes closed while tears fell down his face “I love you too Ushijima Wakatoshi, thank you for existing”

He looked down again at the box and pulled out another small box, probably the size of his palm, he opened it and saw a bunch of photos, they all had descriptions in the back, he started looking at them. A picture of the first party they went to, he remembers telling him to delete it and him refusing like a small child, he refused to delete it, persistent as always, he flipped it around and read what he had written “so beautiful, I love everything about this picture, you are an angel”
A picture of him asleep on the big chest of the green haired boy “even though you are tall you look so small when you sleep, you sleep like a baby I would say, more because you drool” Tendou laughed at this description.
Then the picture he took on their first date at the convenience store, Tendous side profile staring at the fridge on a trance-like state “you know, If you want strawberry mochi we can get it, If you like it I will eat it because I love you more than I hate strawberry mochi” the end of the description had two happy faces and he could tell he tried to make them based on each other because he tried to draw them hair
Then there was a picture of the cloudy sky, you could see some trees and he could tell perfectly when that was taken “please don’t run away from the rain, let’s embrace the rain together”
Then a picture of both of them cuddled up together in the hall of the dorms “also I discovered Semi spies on us, that is a little bit scary but I will let it pass because he got me pictures”
He kept looking at pictures, most descriptions were quite funny to Satori, Wakatoshi never intended to be funny yet was the funniest person he had ever met.
The last picture was them on the date when tendou proposed the idea of making the time capsule, it was a really bad selfie from up close, Wakatoshi had a mochi on his mouth so he looked like a squirrel and Satori had the straw to his bubble tea in his mouth.
“God I want to marry you so bad, I found it funny when I said it and you choked on your tea, for a while I thought marriage was dumb because my parents got divorced but I don’t think it would be dumb if it were to be with you”

Tendou didn’t notice when he started crying again, he felt so loved while reading that but realization struck every five seconds and reminded him that he was dead, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“I miss you so much…” he said while hugging the box full of pictures, he felt a light breeze pass, he liked to think that was his lover trying to hug him or comfort him, he thought he was done until he saw something taped to the lid of the box, it was a little velvet bag, he grabbed it and immediately knew what they were, you could feel it through the velvet, he started crying even harder than before “damn you Wakatoshi” he stood up and jumped in his place just to go back to sitting and hugging his legs while tears fell down his face, his shirt was wet because of crying so much “if only…” he opened the little bag and pulled out two golden rings, one very clearly smaller than the other, the smaller one had a drawing of the sun engraved and the other one a water droplet, on the inside they had engraved the quote “the sun always shines after the storm”.

That night he stayed at his mother’s house, he didn’t think he would be able to bear being alone, the next morning he headed to his lovers altar, he very obviously passed to the convenience store first to get the treats, he wore wore the ring with the sun in his finger and his lover’s ring on a chain around his neck, he wanted it to be as near to his heart as it could.

He got there and he lit up the incense to pray a little, then he pulled out the mochi from the bag and put it on a pretty blue plate, he sat on the floor and touched the ring he was wearing around his neck “thank you Wakatoshi-Kun, for everything really” he smiled and took the ring to his mouth, kissing it softly “god I miss you so much…” his lips started shaking “i know I will see you again…. even if it is in the next life, I would go through a million lives just to be able to hold you again, I mean soulmates are supposed to find each other right?” He smiled looking at his picture “at the end you were always meant to be mine and I was always meant to be yours”.