Work Text:
Ectoplasm placed Denki’s graded test face down on his desk. As he continued passing out the tests, he handed them to each student face up. He heard a few giggles around the classroom. He took a deep breath and flipped it over.
42%
His eyes were burning. How could he be so stupid? Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! He started zoning out as he stared at the paper, not hearing Ectoplasm dismiss the class. He only snapped out of it when there was a hand on his shoulder.
“Hey man, we’re heading to lunch, wanna walk with us?” asked Sero.
Kaminari forced a chuckle and a smile. “No thanks, I’ve got a snack in my bag and I need to focus on studying right now.”
“Oh, okay. See you later!” Sero gave him a fist bump before catching up with the rest of the group.
Kaminari nodded, gathering his things into his bag and walking in the opposite direction of Sero. He made a beeline for the nearest bathroom, locking the door behind him before collapsing into a pitiful heap on the floor. He grasped at clumps of his hair, mindlessly pulling out a few strands. He stopped himself, staring down at his hand, at the bunch of hairs tangled in his fingers. Before he could stop himself, he started pulling out a few more, crying as he did.
Fuck, he was so weak. His trich hadn’t bothered him since elementary school, but here it was, back to haunt him. After a while, he flushed the tangled ball of hair down the toilet and headed to the lunchroom like nothing had happened.
~~~
It only took about a month for the bald patches to start showing up on his scalp. They were small enough that they were easily hidden by strategically parting his hair differently. His eyebrows were becoming slightly patchy as well, and his eyelashes were noticeably thinner.
So, he started filling in his eyebrows and wearing brown mascara over his sparse eyelashes, giving off the illusion of normalcy. This facade worked for surprisingly long, until the Bakusquad had a study night to prepare for their upcoming English test.
Mina and Denki were goofing around, tossing balled-up notes at each other despite being seated four feet apart. Eventually, it evolved into just throwing paper at each other, until Mina ripped the fringy bits of her notebook paper off and sprinkled them all over Kaminari and the bed, which got her yelled at by Bakugou.
Sero reached over to help comb the confetti out of their boyfriend’s hair before Kaminari could stop them, and their fingers quickly found a bald spot. Their fingers went still, and they looked at Kaminari, who refused to meet their eyes.
“Denki?” They asked, bringing the attention of the others to the ashamed-looking blonde.
Kaminari swatted their hand away. “It’s nothing Sero. Don’t worry about it.”
That was how Sero knew that it wasn’t nothing. Kaminari never used their last name unless he was upset. “Come here,” they said calmly.
Kaminari thought for a moment, and after a few minutes, he accepted his fate and shuffled over, leaning his back on Sero’s chest. He felt Sero’s palm slowly smoothing his hair down in different places, revealing the empty patches on his scalp.
“What’s going on?” asked Mina, leaning over to take a look herself. “Oh, hon…” Mina leaned over to wrap her friend up in a comforting hug. Kaminari’s posture stiffened, absolutely humiliated.
“Do you have alopecia? My little cousin has it, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, ” asked Kirishima. Kaminari shook his head.
“No, I…” Kaminari trailed off, hugging his knees to his chest and burying his face in his arms. “No, I pulled it out,” he whispered.
“Speak up Sparky,” Bakugou barked, although the worry in his voice was evident.
He lifted his head, still keeping his volume quiet. “I said I pulled it out.”
It was silent for a few seconds.
“Why?” asked Bakugou after what felt like forever.
“It’s, uh, a condition. Trichotillomania. It’s related to OCD; basically, I get a really strong urge to pull my hair out, and it doesn’t go away until I do. Sometimes, I feel like something bad is going to happen if I don’t, even though I know it’s irrational. I’ve had it since I was little, it used to be awful. Then, in elementary school, my mom got me started in therapy and I started taking antidepressants towards the beginning of middle school.”
Silence again.
“Um, is there anything we can do to help?” Asked Sero.
“Well, I guess sometimes I don’t even realize that I’m pulling my hair out, like I do it so often that it’s subconscious sometimes. Maybe if you guys just gave me a reminder when I’m doing it?”
Everybody murmured in agreement.
“You said it used to be way worse, right? Is that why you never let us see any pictures of you as a kid?”
Kaminari nodded. Although, there was no use in dancing around it anymore. He pulled out his phone, scrolling for a bit before he tossed the phone to the middle of the bed.
It was a picture of him on his sixth birthday, sitting behind an All Might themed cake, his smile missing one of front teeth. Everything about the picture was normal, except for the hair. It looked as if it had been buzzed recently, recently enough that large bald patches were still visible scattered throughout the short, spiky hair. His eyebrows were non-existent, and there wasn’t a trace of any lashes framing his eyes.
“Awww,” Mina cooed at the photo, “I can’t believe you’ve never shown us any of these, you were such a cute kid, dude!”
“It’s okay to be grossed out by it. It’s not exactly pretty,” Denki mumbled.
Mina’s expression went deathly serious, and she reached for his face, squishing his cheeks between her palms. “Denki. You. Are. Cute. Hair, or no hair. Period.”
“Hey shithead, we’re here for you or whatever,” Bakugou said, awkwardly bapping him on the head with a rolled up review packet.
“Thanks you guys, seriously.”
~~~
A few days later, there was a knock on Kaminari’s door while he struggled through a math worksheet.
“Come in.”
Mina opened the door, carrying a bag in her hands, the rest of the squad filing in behind her. “Hands, Denki,” she chided. Kaminari realized that his hands were in his hair, and he quickly sat on them.
“Sorry,” he said, embarrassed. Mina sat down next to him on the bed, and Sero sat on the other side of him, leaning their head on his shoulder.
“Don’t be. We brought you some stuff!” she said, handing him the gift bag. He removed the tissue paper on top, revealing several packages. He picked out the first package on top, which turned out to be a handful of fidget toys. There was a fidget cube, a Tangle, and a round silicone thing that had rows of buttons, similar to the bubbles on top of soda lids. He pushed a few of the bubbles down and was surprised at how relaxing it was.
Sero giggled next to him. “That’s from me. Do you like it?”
“I love it, babe,” he said, kissing the side of his partner’s head. Bakugou fake gagged, and Kirishima elbowed him.
“Don’t act so grossed out about a kiss on the forehead when you were literally making out with me last night.”
Everybody laughed as Bakugou’s face turned pink. Kaminari opened the next package, which was several beanies. The first one was black with yellow trim and a little lightning bolt, there was one that had a Pikachu face on it, and a plain gray one.
“That one’s from my moms and me. They started taking knitting classes together and they wanted to help out,” Kirishima said. “You can wear them so that there’s a barrier between your hands and hair.”
“Dude! Tell them I love it!” He said, pulling the lightning bolt beanie over his hair.
The next gift he pulled out of the bag was a set of shampoo and conditioner. He immediately knew who this was from.
“Mina, these look expensive!”
Mina waved him off. “Don’t worry about it, they were on the house, courtesy of Auntie.” Mina’s aunt worked at a hair salon, so she always had the fanciest hair products. “The shampoo’s got a lot of really good oils for hair growth in it, and the conditioner makes your hair super silky and hard to grip on to.”
He gave her a big hug. “I’ll have to thank her the next time I go to get my haircut. Thank you so much!”
The last package was a pair of thick black bracelets. He turned to Bakugou, who grunted.
“They’re wrist weights.”
“Oh my God! I love them! I can use them for training too! You guys are literally the best!”
~~~
Kaminari thought that his friends knowing would make him feel better, but all it did was make him feel guilty. They cared about him so much. He didn’t deserve it.
Kaminari was tired. He was so fucking tired.
He was tired of being stupid, of being so far behind his classmates when it came to understanding their lessons. He was tired of fighting his own head every day, tired of working so hard to survive when he didn’t even want to. He was tired of masking all day long, of pretending to be the bubbly, happy-go-lucky idiot his class thought he was. He was tired of making his friends worry.
But above all, he was tired of being scared. Because he was terrified that his friends wouldn’t be able to put up with him much longer.
That any day now, they would grow tired of him too.
Except for maybe Sero. Sero never expected him to hold a conversation, or do anything. Sero was perfectly content with just sitting with Kaminari.
Kaminari slung an arm over Sero’s chest, snuggling further into his partner’s side and knocking Sero’s laptop off of their lap.
“Dude, I was still working on that,” Sero huffed.
Kaminari sat up immediately. “Oh, sorry.”
The flat tone of Denki’s voice worried Sero, and their expression softened. “Hey, I’m not angry with you. Can you come back and cuddle with me? I had a bad day.” Truthfully, Sero didn’t have a bad day at all. However, they knew that Denki needed physical contact like a fish needs water, and they also knew that there was no way he would come back if he thought Sero was making accommodations for him.
Kaminari reluctantly laid back down on the bed, wrapping his arms around Sero’s waist, tucking their head under his chin, and slotting one of his legs between Sero’s.
Sero tilted their head up, pressing a gentle kiss to the underside of Kaminari’s jaw. “Talk to me, baby. What’s going on in that brain of yours?” they whispered.
There was a long pause, so long that Sero almost repeated their question, thinking that he hadn’t heard them.
Finally, Denki spoke. “Hanta, are… are you tired of me?”
“What are you talking about? Of course not. Why would you think that?”
“Because everyone else is tired of me.”
Sero started carding their fingers through Kaminari’s hair. “Who? Who’s tired of you?”
“I am!” Denki snapped. He broke away from Sero, curling in on himself. “I’m tired of me,” he repeated, much softer than the first time. “You guys are always going out of your way to help me, why do you guys even bother? I’m so fucking stupid, and I don’t even have a unique quirk like you guys do! Do you know how common electric quirks are? There are a million other people just like me, nobody would even notice if I left!” Kaminari broke down, finally letting all of his frustration bubble to the surface.
Sero pulled him back in and held him close against their chest, letting him scream and cry and pound his fists as much as he wanted, only interrupting whenever Denki tried to pull out his hair.
They could work through this. Together.