Chapter Text
The shrewd business sense of the kappas was something to be both admired and feared, with their appetite for a quick buck and their penchant for innovation. With a keen eye to see opportunity from a mile away, it came as no surprise that Nitori, in all her genius, had been wide open to a collaboration to shake the heavens. Literally.
“It’s a rock,” she droned, thoroughly unimpressed.
“Yes, it is! It’s a rock!” Tenshi exclaimed excitedly, thrusting the lumpy stone out in front of her. “I made it myself.”
“So let me see if I understand this,” Nitori interrupted with a wave of her hand, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You came all the way from Heaven to show me a rock?”
She had to give Tenshi credit—celestial or not, Nitori was a busy kappa, with much to do each and every day. Asking her for a one-on-one meeting was a bold move to begin with, and here she had the guts to give her a simple rock to show for it.
“Now, now,” Tenshi urged, throwing her arm around the kappa’s shoulder. “We have an opportunity here. Iku tells me that the human village has a great interest in all things novelty. They’ll surely eat up anything interesting you put in front of them, and for a pretty penny, too.”
Nitori raised an eyebrow. “You have my attention.”
“She’s told me about a human tradition from the outside world. Humans incapable of keeping domesticated animals efficiently have occasionally turned to the inanimate, the undemanding alternatives that require little to no effort to uphold,” Tenshi explained with a scheming sparkle in her eyes.
“And your solution is...a rock.”
“Not just any rock!” she cried. “The pet rock phenomenon is already a hit, but rocks from the heavens? Surely a blessing that each and every human will be scrambling to get their hands on!”
Nitori nodded slowly. “Interesting. But what do you get out of this?”
“Why, of course, I would receive credit for starting the trend. I’ll be at the forefront of the movement, and each rock, blessed by the heavens, will surely increase the respect of the humans towards the celestials. Simply tell them each rock has a...hidden power, or something.”
“A blessing. Maybe a wish-granting rock?” Nitori offered.
Tenshi shrugged. “I mean, perhaps a rock from the heavens is good enough. Admittedly, I’m not versed in human culture.”
“Leave that part to me. I think this could be the start of a lucrative relationship,” Nitori assured with a grin.
Tenshi returned her devilish grin with one of her own. “Let’s rock.”
—-
Reimu, similar to Nitori, did not have time for messing around and indulging in the whims of youkai. Actually, she didn’t have much of the time—or effort—for almost anything. The simple exertion involved with cleaning up the messes of others, stacked on top of her daily duties as a shrine maiden, was too much for her to care about. In particular, indulging one specific pain in her side took the equivalent of one month’s energy, always leaving her with a substantial headache afterwards.
“It’s a rock.”
“It very much is a rock, astute observation as usual,” Marisa spoke proudly, cradling the little rock delicately between her palms. “The kappas say these rocks come straight from the heavens, loaded with blessings, so long as you care for them with fervor and love.”
“The kappa will say literally anything to make a quick buck. This has “scam” written all over it,” Reimu growled.
“But it’s fuuuun,” Marisa whined. “I didn’t exactly lose out on any money getting one.”
Reimu scowled at her. She knew exactly what that meant.
“Be honest. Whose rock is that?”
Marisa winked. “Alice’s.”
“She’s going to kill you.”
“She has to catch me, first. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”
Reimu rubbed her temples. “Please tell me you did not come all the way down here with a stolen rock just for safe harbor from Alice.”
“Of course not, my dear,” Marisa teased, slinging her arm around Reimu’s shoulders. “I’ve always considered myself independent, but the word on the street is that these rocks are best cared for by a loving mother and father. Distribution of equal parts feminine and masculine energy mean more balanced blessings.”
Reimu’s eyes narrowed. “No.”
“Yes.”
“Marisa, no.”
“Marisa, yes,” she teased, poking Reimu’s cheek.
“It’s a rock. It’s quite literally a rock.”
“And it’s a rock that needs two loving parents to grow up and be a healthy adult boulder.”
“Rocks don’t grow,” Reimu hissed.
“Not with that attitude, they don’t. Now come on, help me clear out a little space for it.”
Reimu bristled as Marisa ambled around her living quarters, inspecting each and every table and shelf thoroughly as she sought out a home for her igneous child. “You can’t keep the rock here, we’re not raising it, and I’m not masculine!”
“Of course I don’t think you’re masculine, love. You’re the most beautiful woman in Gensokyo, of course,” Marisa said with another wink.
Reimu blushed, but struggled to maintain her anger in the face of Marisa’s usual charm. “How many times have you said that to Alice and Patchouli whenever you want something?”
“Not nearly as many times as I’ve said it to you. You’re my one and only, honey,” she flirted.
Reimu rolled her eyes, her ears hot. Every time Marisa wanted something, she knew exactly what to say to get Reimu’s heart racing. Reimu could only watch helplessly as Marisa got her way once again, her mind lingering a bit too long on being called “honey”.
“Found a spot,” Marisa declared proudly, sweeping dust off the top of an empty corner table before proudly mounting the rock atop it. “This is its new home.”
Reimu stifled a chuckle. “It’s pitiful.”
Marisa gasped dramatically, one hand over her heart. “How dare you besmirch the home of our new son.”
“It’s a boy rock?”
Marisa scratched her head. “To be fair, we’re a little lacking in guys in Gensokyo. Gotta balance things out a bit.”
Reimu rolled her eyes. “Can we at least make the table a bit less...bland?”
Marisa stepped back, brushing her hands off against her apron, dust splattering the sides of her dress in streaks of gray. “What do you have in mind?”
Reimu thought hard for a moment before rummaging around in a drawer under a separate nightstand. Marisa raised an eyebrow at the commotion, watching as Reimu tossed bits and pieces of useless junk out and onto the floor—used half-rolls of tape, frayed rope, crumpled talismans, the occasional sock, and even empty sake bottles that she could probably attribute to a surprise visit from Suika.
“Here,” Reimu said triumphantly, her arms loaded with miscellaneous junk as she turned back around.
“You ought to clean up around here once in a while.”
Reimu frowned. “The dirtier it is, the less visitors will want to come.”
“Isn’t that a bad thing?”
“It’s a good thing. A very good thing,” she argued, dumping the pile of junk unceremoniously on the table besides their new little rock.
Marisa picked through the pile slowly, inspecting each item in turn. Most notably, her eyes fell upon the tiny wooden offering shrine, just barely big enough to fit their rock if they tried. Adorned with cute prayer ropes and ornate wooden carvings meant to appease the gods, it was surprisingly elegant for something that had been stuffed in a drawer for who knows how long. Aside from the shrine sat miniature offering plates and bowls--all the perfect size for a doll, if they had one. There was even a silk maroon handkerchief, frayed at the edges but still beautiful and elegant.
“You been playing with dolls or something?” Marisa teased.
Reimu blushed, averting her eyes. “They were for the inchling. She spent some time here after the tsukumogami incident before she finally left me alone. Gave her a little spot to stay, provided she left me alone.”
Marisa clasped her hands together in glee. “D’aww, my Reimu is so helpful!”
Reimu stamped her foot, her face dusted red. “Shut it. Are you gonna help me with this stupid rock, or not?”
“Alright, alriiiight, I’ll take the hint,” Marisa said with a wave of her hand teasingly.
With some adjusting and dusting, the two girls made quick work of tidying up the mini-shrine, adjusting its decorative ropes back into place and inspecting it for any major signs of damage. Marisa folded the silk handkerchief into a little pile as small as she could, stuffing it into the center of the shrine. At last, with great glee, she set their new rock down onto the handkerchief gently, adjusting it carefully for maximum comfort.
“Gotta make sure he’s in a comfy spot,” she explained as she shifted the rock around.
Reimu snorted. “It’s a rock. It can’t feel comfort.”
“It can feel love,” Marisa shot back with a grin. “The love of a wonderful mother and father making it feel right at home.”
Reimu raised an eyebrow. “That would make you the father, then?”
“I will be a fantastic father. And you’d make a great mother, you know!”
Reimu blushed at the implications, and desperately pushed aside the oncoming thoughts of raising children with Marisa. “So, now what? Are we done?”
Marisa shook her head. “Not at all. Now we’ve got to feed it,” she said, plucking one of the tiny offering plates between two fingers.
“It’s a rock. It doesn’t need to eat. I’m positive that you know this already.”
Marisa tapped the plate with one fingernail. “Consider it an offering to our new son, a blessing for longevity and joy.”
Reimu crossed her arms. “Fine. What do rocks even eat?”
Marisa put her hand on her chin, deep in thought. “Well...I guess something rock-themed? Earthy?”
Reimu closed her eyes, thinking deeply alongside the magician. “What the hell kind of food is rock-themed?”
Marisa snapped her fingers, and Reimu briefly pictured the comical idea of a lightbulb appearing above her head. “I’ve got it! How about potatoes?”
“Potatoes,” Reimu deadpanned.
“Potatoes are one of the closest vegetables you can get to the earth. They’re probably neighbors with rocks. The humans even call them the apples of the earth.”
Reimu scoffed. “We’re humans, Marisa. We don’t call them that. And stop talking like a youkai!”
Marisa pouted. “Someone, somewhere, has to call them that.”
Reimu threw her hands up, exasperated. “Fine, potatoes! Why not? Anything else?”
Marisa shrugged. “I dunno, can you think of anything?”
Reimu thought genuinely, working hard to distance herself from Marisa’s antics. If she thought of the rock as more of a tiny god ready to be worshipped, things didn’t feel quite as silly. Marisa had said that the rocks came from Heaven, supposedly—it wasn’t too much of a stretch that a god could take up residence in a rock. Even if animism wasn’t her forte, it would reflect poorly on a shrine maiden to disrespect a holy artifact, rock or not.
“How about sake?” she offered finally. “If some rocks are born near volcanoes, it might be beneficial to give it something fiery. Sake is always a good choice for an offering.”
Marisa grinned ear-to-ear. “That’s the spirit. My Reimu is chock-full of good ideas.”
Reimu’s face flushed a bit at the praise. She quickly turned on her heel, already halfway towards the kitchen—anything to keep Marisa from seeing her blush. “Anything else?” she called over her shoulder.
“Potatoes and sake sound good. Unless you have rock candy?”
“Where the hell would I get rock candy in Gensokyo?” she hissed.
“We could check the human village!” Marisa called back.
Reimu began the elaborate process of rummaging through the kitchen cabinets, resisting the urge to look for medicine for a headache. “We’ll make due with what we have. I’m not going outside right now.”
Distantly, she could hear Marisa whine. “You’re no fun.”
—
Fully adorned, dusted, and complete with fresh offerings of sake and tiny sliced potatoes, the small rock looked right at home, if not terrifically spoiled. Marisa put her hands on her hips, a brilliant grin flying to her lips yet again.
“We’ve outdone ourselves! I’m sure our rock will grow up to be the best in Gensokyo.”
Reimu sighed, but her energy to argue was quickly running out. “Once again, it’s a rock. It doesn’t grow.”
“That reminds me,” Marisa interrupted, seemingly ignoring her snarky comments. “We didn’t give it a name yet.”
Reimu pinched the bridge of her nose again. “For the last time, it. Is. A. Rock,” she punctuated. “It definitely does not need a name.”
“Marisa Jr.”
“I thought it was a boy rock.”
“It can be a boy name!” Marisa argued with a pout.
“We’re not naming it Marisa Jr.”
“Rocky?”
“I’ll kill you.”
“Rockington.”
“I’ll kill you twice over.”
“Reimu Jr.?”
“Don’t even think about it.”
“Mima?”
Reimu bristled. “Not funny.”
“Why don’t you think of a name, then?” Marisa offered, grinning devilishly, eager to see Reimu step up to the challenge.
Reimu crossed her arms, closing her eyes as she contemplated again. She briefly considered something encompassing small pebbles, but came to the realization that Koishi Komeiji down in Hell had a monopoly on that name. She contemplated something more spiritual, but risked incurring the anger of an actual god if she chose a deity-like name, such as Ama-no-Iwa. She scrunched her eyes shut, thinking hard, until she finally settled on something simple.
“Fuji.”
“Fuji?” Marisa echoed.
“Mt. Fuji in the outside world is a prominent volcano with destructive power. Since igneous rocks are generated by volcanoes, and since the rock came from heaven, it ought to have a powerful name. Fuji is a name that connects it to its roots while simultaneously encompassing great power.”
Marisa beamed proudly. “That’s my girl.”
Reimu was blushing an awful lot today.