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“Okay, I know we’ve had a lot of dumb ideas in our time together as friends. But this has to rank at the top as the dumbest idea we have ever or will ever have.” Noctis grumbled as he pulled the zipper of his jacket all the way up to his chin.
“It’s going to work,” Prompto replied, “don’t worry! No one is going to recognize you.”
Noct took a look at himself in the full length mirror sitting in his apartment bedroom. His hair completely slicked back looking Bruce Wayne or something, the enormous jacket over too tight pants, and worst of all: the sunglasses. The hot pink sunglasses he was about to wear all night long.
“See? A perfect cosplay. No one is going to suspect a thing.” Prompto patted Noct on the shoulder, feeling immense pride in his work.
“People don’t cosplay for midnight toy releases. I’m going to stick out even more like this.” He also didn’t quite enjoy looking like an immense tool. Draker Swordhammer wasn’t even his favorite character from the game. In fact, Draker Swordhammer was at the bottom of the list of good characters in the game. But it was the only one they could think of to throw together on such short notice.
“Dude, how many midnight releases have you ever waited in line for?” Prompto asked, hands on his hips.
Noctis sighed. “Zero.”
Prompto held up six fingers. “I’ve been to six. Okay? Six midnight releases. All for video games or video game related paraphernalia. And allow me to assure you: people do in fact cosplay in midnight release lines. A lot.”
Noctis took another hard look at his douchebag closet cosplay, both with and without the sunglasses on.
“Ignis is literally going to kill me.”
Noct could see it playing out before him. It would probably be by strangling. Yes, Ignis would put on those leather driving gloves and strangle him to death. He’d probably know exactly where to dump Noct’s body so that it’d never be found. And then he’d attend his funeral like a murderous widower acting like he had nothing to do with it. And he’d get away with it, too.
All because Noct wouldn’t take that random death threat from some weirdo online seriously.
“Ignis isn’t going to find out.” Prompto huffed as he put on his own (completely normal, not embarrassing) jacket.
“I can’t believe I’m risking my actual life for a toy.”
“A toy? A toy?! Noctis Lucis Caelum, you listen to me. This is not just a toy.” Prompto grabbed Noct roughly by the shoulders and got right into his face. “This is a limited edition, limited release, one of a kind, numbered and signed by the voice actor, never going to happen again, will sell out by 12:05 am, Garash Lightwelder funko pop.”
Gods.
He was right.
Noctis needed to have this or he was never going to be happy ever again in his entire life.
“Alright,” Noct sighed, “let’s get to the minimart for provisions.”
After stocking up on canned coffee, nacho cheese flavored corn chips, and those little chocolate cupcakes that literally never expire, the two made their way down to the Fanaticals Gaming shop.
“Okay, it’s 6:13 pm, that means we have less than six hours to kill. We’ve been sitting on starting the seasonal event in King’s Knight, so that’ll eat up at least two hours. After that we-” Prompto’s impromptu strategy meeting was cut off by his own realization that they had already fucked up.
“People are already here? You said no one ever lines up until the store closes!” Noct hissed.
“That’s how it normally works! Quick, come on, get in line.” He wrenched Noct’s arm, pulling him forward until they secured their spot. “Okay okay, let’s see…” Prompto leaned out as far as he could while keeping his feet planted firmly in his spot. “Twenty three, twenty four, okay. We’re number twenty five and twenty six in line. Each store is guaranteed getting at least thirty, so taking into account the strict one per person rule at this store, and the fact that some of those people might be together and only buying one, I can safely say we’re good. We are very very good.”
“Prompto…” Noct whispered, looking up and down the line as well. “Nobody is in a costume.”
“Sure they are! See the girl in the pink jacket up there?” Prompto stuck his thumb towards the front of the line.
“A jacket with the character’s face on it is not a costume, Prompto!” Noct hissed between his teeth.
“Okay so just, lay low, play King’s Knight, no one will figure anything out it’s fine.” Prompto tried reassuring him while pulling out his phone. “Ah shit I forgot to download the update before I left, man, this is gonna take awhile.”
Noct attempted to pull the jacket further up his face, not just to avoid detection but to protect against the cold. It was already too cold for his taste, and the temperature was forecasted to drop further once the sun set. He was supposed to spend six hours standing in one spot in the freezing cold dressed like the biggest asshole who ever lived, and he couldn’t even risk trying to take a nap even if he could under these conditions.
Was all this really worth it? Like really, actually worth it?
Yes. It was.
“Ah shit, news cameras.” Prompto groaned.
“What?!” Noct felt a surge of adrenaline rush through him, news cameras out of nowhere without Ignis to speak on his behalf was a recipe for a terrible time. “How the hell did they know I was-”
“Dude! They’re just covering the release. It’s a fluff piece, you know? Something to fill the dead air between commercials. They gawk at us nerds caring about stuff and then move on to sports. This happens all the time.”
“You knew the media would be here, with cameras, and you still-”
“You’re in disguise! It’s fine. Besides, I doubt Iggy watches the local cable news. You’ll be in maybe one background shot for a second, just turn around when the camera gets near and-”
The reporter, a man dressed appropriately for the winter weather, began walking backwards towards them, the cameraman dutifully following.
“Nonononono, they’re coming right up to us.” Noct wished he could fit his entire face in the jacket.
Prompto pulled his hood up over his head and started staring very intently at the concrete sidewalk under them.
“And how much do people love this game?” The reporter said in a very respectable news anchor voice. “Why don’t we ask one of the folks out here, ready to wait for six hours for the release of a limited edition toy celebrating the game’s fifth anniversary.”
The reporter turned to Noct.
“Looks like we’ve got a mega fan over here, who are you dressed as?” The man said before shoving the mic in his face.
“I’m…” Noct tried to make his voice sound lower but only managed to sound awkward as hell. “I’m Draker Swordhammer.”
“Draker Swordhammer, one of the playable characters from the game Legends of the Watch. You excited for this figurine release, Draker?”
No, I’m standing in line for six hours because I hate myself.
Noct nodded his head.
“Hey is everyone in line excited?!” The reporter took a step back and yelled at the line. He was rewarded with screeching and woohooing. The camera panned down the crowd before setting back to the reporter and, thus, Noctis.
“An exciting evening for these dedicated fans, hey, good luck to you.” The reporter gestured towards Noct. “Back to you!” He pointed at the camera and held for a few moments before deflating and handing the mic off to some intern waiting on the sidelines. “Amazing the kind of money some of these weirdos can just throw around.”
“Tch, freakin asshole.” Prompto whispered while side eyeing the reporter.
“Whatever, your game done updating yet? I really need a distraction.” Noct pulled his own phone out expectantly.
“Draker Swordhammer sucks!” A loud obnoxious voice yelled from two spots behind them.
“Oh my Gods I do not care.” Noct whispered.
“I can’t imagine liking such a shit tier character enough to want to cosplay as him.” He continued. “You could have just worn a big sign around your neck that says ‘I’m stuck in bronze unless I let some Terrania main carry me to gold’. Have you ever even played as Garash? I bet you can’t. He’s a high skill ceiling and skill floor build. You Draker mains are such noobs.”
“I’m not a fucking Draker main, you shithead!” Noct yelled before he could think twice about it.
“I’m a Candi Leafluck main, so shut up!”
“Dude! Not worth it, come on just ignore him…” Prompto’s conflict avoidant personality was exactly what Noct needed to come back to reality. This griefing jerk was probably a dps one trick hardstuck in silver and blames every healer for his stupid mistakes. If this were in game you’d just block him.
“Oh, a Candi main! Why didn’t you say so!? Hey, how does it feel to play the easiest healer in the game. Just hold right click to climb to Gold, EZ, right?”
Must not kill. Must not kill. Must not kill.
“Dude, ignore him, everyone knows Candi has the best mobility kit for a mechanically skilled player. He doesn’t know shit.” Prompto whispered. “Just boot up King’s Knight, come on man, let’s unlock those limited time seasonal winter outfits.”
“Fine.” After about ten minutes of being ignored, and starting another verbal fight with someone else completely, the gigantic asshole behind them in line finally shut up and Noct was able to focus on grinding his little avatar to get the cute Santa hat. Time seemed to pass a little easier then, just like a regular weekend evening. Just him and his best bud, their favorite dumb mobile game, and terrible junk food.
“8:47, just a little over three hours to go!” Prompto was bouncing on his toes. How the hell was he able to stay so chipper in these conditions? Well however he did it, it was the most endearing thing about him. It was delightful to have Prompto’s energy and positivity radiating like sunshine. Yes, Prompto was like sunshine and he was a plant who used photosynthesis to eat the rays and grow stronger.
...was that a weird thing to think? That was a weird thing to think. No, it’s cool. It’s fine. That was a completely normal thing to think about your bff.
Noct was pulled from his awkward thought spiral by the sound of Prompto gasping in horror.
“What? What’s wrong?” He asked.
“How...did he…” Prompto pointed behind them. Far off in the distance, walking right towards the lineup, was Ignis Scientia.
“Are you kidding me?! Shit-”
“He must’ve watched the news-”
“There’s no way, he doesn’t watch television after 10am. That can’t be...oh Gods.” Noct felt his heart freeze.
“What? Noct, what? Hurry, he’s getting closer.”
“My phone.” Noct pulled the offending item up to his face. “It has...a tracking app on it.”
“...dude. Seriously?!”
“I forgot! It’s never come up before now!”
“Well do something! Turn it off!”
“I can’t turn the app off, he controls it!”
“The phone! Turn off the phone!”
“No he’ll just see it was turned off and he’ll know we know he knows we’re here!”
“Well do SOMETHING, he’s gonna find us and then we’re fucked!”
The panic bouncing between the two teenagers reached a boiling point and Noct, thinking he had no other options, threw his phone over the street in a fantastically high arc and watched as it spun in the air, finding its final resting place in the small flower garden in the middle of the shopping center.
“Noct…” Prompto breathed in disbelief. “You...are so freaking smart.”
“Do you think it worked?”
Prompto took a peek over his shoulder. Ignis had stopped his walk, checked his phone, looked to his right towards the flower garden and...kept walking towards them. At a faster pace.
“No, dude. No...it didn’t work.”
Noctis sighed in resignation. It was over. They tried. He wouldn’t get the coolest figurine ever made for the best online game ever, and he was going to be sad and empty for the rest of his life.
“Prompto.” Noct grabbed him by the shoulders. “It’s up to you now. If only one of us can remain and get one, I’m glad it’s you, man.”
Prompto gripped at Noct’s elbows, looking at him with a mix of sorrow and determination. “I’ll give you a shout out in the unboxing video, dude.”
“Wait, you’re gonna take it out of the box?”
“What are you two nerds doing?” Instead of the angry nagging they were expecting, somehow Gladio was there instead. “Why are you dressed like that?”
“It’s...it’s cosplay. It’s a cosplay…” Noct mumbled.
“Iggy, they’re over here! Why are you cosplaying in the middle of the night in the freezing cold when you know you’re not supposed to be anywhere without-”
“Did I see correctly? Was that your phone?” Ah, there was Ignis. “Did you really think you could avoid detection by throwing your phone? Noctis, do you think-”
“He doesn’t think Iggy, that’s why he’s out here being a moron.”
Noctis and Prompto felt their egos shrink into nothing as the two older men continued their verbal assault on their intelligence.
“Hey!” That asshole from earlier started screaming again. “Back of the line, fuckwads! No cutting!”
Gladio rolled his eyes before turning towards him. “I’m not here for one of your dolls, so unclench your asshole before I pry it open with my foot.”
“Honestly, Gladio, there’s no need to entertain the blustering of fools.”
“Yeah, Gladio, don’t feed the trolls.” Noct spoke before he had a chance to think better of it.
“Come on, we’re leaving now.” Gladio took Noct by the arm and started to pull him out of line.
“Wait! Can’t I just-”
“IF YOU LEAVE YOU FORFEIT YOUR PLACE IN LINE!” That shithead would not shut up.
Prompto pulled his hood back up over his eyes. “Farewell Noct, I’ll always remember you fondly.”
“You are most certainly not staying here either.” Ignis began scolding at Prompto. “It’s below freezing, you’ll catch your death, and it’s not at all safe to be standing around like a painted target all night. You are both leaving-”
“Ignis you’re being unreasonable!” Noct cried.
“YOU STEPPED OUT OF LINE, YOU CAN’T GET BACK IN!”
“Okay, I’m gonna give this guy a punch in the dick before we leave.” Gladio grumbled.
“Gladiolus, control your temper-”
“I’m okay I can stay here, it’s fine, I’ve done this tons of times before-”
“Igggyyyyyy, come oooooooonnn-”
“FUCKING DRAKER MAIN OF COURSE YOU CUT IN LINE!”
“Gentlemen, excuse me.” A blessedly new voice cut through the chaos. “Your highness.” A man in a red polo and khakis wearing a lanyard gave an awkward half bow towards Noctis. “My manager wants you to know that she will gladly give you the figure right now if you promise to leave immediately.” The exhausted looking wage slave said as quietly as possible.
Noctis took a look around to see a crowd had been forming, and some folks were getting their cameras out.
“Please, we’re a small business. We don’t have enough insurance for this.” The man was practically begging.
“...Wait, you’ll just give us one?”
“Kinda ruins the whole spirit of the midnight release.” Prompto whined.
“Dude, if I have to hear that guy screech one more time, I cannot be held responsible for what I do next. Let’s take the deal and go home.”
“Okay fine, but next time we’re-”
“There will not be a next time!” Ignis snapped.
---
Back at Noct’s apartment, Ignis went about making everyone chamomile tea. Noctis died a little inside as he watched Prompto unbox the priceless figure for the views.
Midnight releases were not worth it. He was harassed, ridiculed, threatened, and put on display and he didn’t even make it to the actual midnight. No, fuck it. He’d just use his royal cred going forward.
But the worst, most awful part of the whole ordeal, came the following morning. Noct’s phone lit up, buzzing over and over. Upon checking it he found Prompto was rapid fire sending him memes.
Memes about himself.
Memes about the Prince of Lucis being a Draker main.
‘Claims to be a badass. Mains Draker anyway’
“I’m never playing Legends of the Watch ever again.”