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“Alright, Griddle. We have formulated our plan of attack. We need to get in, and get out. Are you ready for this?”
Harrowhark looked at her girlfriend expectantly, waiting for a response.
“Let's do this!” said Gideon, who had the excitement level of a Golden Retriever on a normal day. Today was special— there was a blizzard coming, and she and Harrow (who absolutely hated grocery shopping) had of course waited until the very last possible moment to stock up on supplies. Typical.
They both took deep breaths and climbed out of their car, slamming the doors behind them, and walked hand in hand into the bustling Canaan Mart Megastore.
****
As they walked inside, they knew immediately they had made a terrible, terrible mistake.
There were people rushing about everywhere. A hysterical middle-aged man ran past them, nearly knocking them down while screaming “bread and milk! Bread and milk! Don’t forget the bread and milk!” to a miles away family member.
Children were crying in overflowing shopping carts. Men stood in corners debating the merits of electric generators. Women in yoga pants were arguing over whether or not kale was a necessary storm prep item.
This was worse than Black Friday. A blizzard was coming, and all hell had broken loose to usher it in.
Harrow looked like a deer in the headlights, seconds away from bolting back outside to the quiet safety of the car. Gideon took her face in her hands, and calmly said “Clearly, we chose poorly. We waited too long. But we’re here now. So let’s divide and conquer. Do you have the list?”
Harrow’s hands were shaking as she pulled their grocery list out of her coat pocket. Gideon snapped a photo of the list with her phone.
“Ok Harrow, you take the top half, I’ll take the bottom.”
“Don’t leave me, Gideon. I can’t do this alone. I don’t know if I can bear it.”
“Suck it down. I know it’s scary, Nonagesimus. But it’s the only way we’ll get out of here. Look how long the lines already are. The sooner we finish, the sooner we can snuggle on the couch with a movie. And no other people.”
Harrow sniffled, before reluctantly agreeing. “OK.”
“Let’s meet up in twenty minutes.”
Gideon grabbed her girlfriend and pulled her in for a kiss. Harrow hated PDA, but Gideon knew it would calm her and take her mind off the apocalyptic shit show in front of them. She gently swatted Harrow’s butt before pushing her on her way—which earned her an exasperated shriek in reply.
“Go forth, my Twilit Princess! I eagerly await your return!”
A few passersby gave them strange looks, but Gideon did not care.
The gremlin she called a girlfriend hissed back at her, under her breath: “Griddle, I am going to murder you” before pushing her cart towards the grocery section.
****
Gideon had the half of the list with the hardcore storm prep items: cans of sterno to cook with in case of a power outage, a case of water, candles, matches, and more. She resented the fact that most of Harrow’s list contained the cooler, fun items—like desserts, and booze, and snack food! Everything on her half of the list was hardware related, or—yuck, healthy! But she figured she could double back to that section of the store and grab a few sneaky items without Harrow seeing. In the years since they had started dating, she had become a professional-level grocery store sneak.
She dodged more carts full of screaming children—pushed by their exhausted parents—and quickly snatched up all of the dry goods on her list. As she started to make her way back to the food section, an artfully designed end cap display caught her eye. It was full of gorgeous leather bound journals and fancy pen sets.
Harrow would love this, she thought to herself, knowing full well her girlfriend would never buy something so extravagant on her own. She preferred to live like a penitent nun, wearing only black, plain clothes, and living a simple life. Gideon’s tastes leaned towards the complete opposite spectrum—minus the black clothes. (She knew what made her look good.) But when it came to the rest of her life, she was a maximalist all the way.
She tossed one of the writing sets into her cart, excited at the prospect of surprising Harrow. Then she moved on to the food section. In went chips and salsa (for Gideon). Peanut butter and the world’s most plain saltine crackers (for Harrow). Grape jelly. And lastly, she added a case of water—just in case, she thought, laughing at her own ridiculous Dad joke.
A few minutes later, Gideon found herself mesmerized by the deli section, staring at another potential surprise for Harrow: giant tubs of fresh, homemade soups. Harrow had the weirdest, blandest eating habits of anyone Gideon knew. Unlike herself…she was basically a human garbage disposal. She ate anything and everything, and loved every second of doing it.
Harrow had reminded her back in the car that they were on a college student budget, which made extra sense, considering the holidays had just come and gone. But Gideon couldn’t help wanting to buy nice things for her favorite cranky little goblin.
Dating Harrow was like dating a cat: she may hiss, and protest, and sometimes even hate to be touched, but Gideon knew deep down it was true love. They had grown up together, and moved from a childhood friendship, to pure hatred and rivalry, to a love and mutual understanding few people shared between them.
She wanted nothing more than to make her happy. Even if that meant buying her fancy soup, Harrow’s favorite food. Gideon looked through the options before grabbing chicken and dumpling soup for Harrow (BLAND! Gideon’s brain shrieked!), and Spicy Chicken Tortilla for herself. Next into her cart: the fanciest crusty bread she could find. Two loaves! She imagined she heard Harrow’s chastising exclamation of “no, Griddle, no!” in her head. But decided to buy it anyway.
“YOLO,” she muttered to herself.
Harrow really was going to kill her.
****
Unbeknownst to Gideon, Harrow was merely a few aisles away, fretting over her own potential purchases. She’d grabbed storm staples like milk and cheese. Some yogurt and cereal for breakfast. A large frozen pizza with all the ridiculous toppings Gideon liked. But now came the most important part of their trip: She had to decide what booze to buy them and sweets to get Gideon. One of those things was easier to screw up than the other...
As Harrow pushed her cart past the increasingly annoying Canaan Mart customers and into the wine aisle, she heard two very familiar voices.
“No, Isaac. Noooo. Not the Budweiser. I said real beer. We have to look like grown ups!”
“I know what I’m doing, Jeannemary! I do this all the time,” Isaac hissed.
Harrow stopped and stared in disbelief. Who in their right mind would ever believe either of these 19 year olds were legal drinking age? Why were her co-worker's two former foster children alone in the booze aisle before an impending snowpocalypse? Making a scene. Did they even know how to drive?
“What,” she asked in her most nun-like, sepulchral tone, “are you two doing here?”
“Shopping for storm supplies, just like you,” Isaac snapped.
“But you’re only three years old,” said Harrow, deadpan. “No one is ever going to believe you two, of all people, are of legal drinking age”.
“We’re only like 3 years younger than you, and you know it!” Jeanne squeaked.
“Whatever. I really don’t even have time for this. I need to get the hell out of this place.” Harrow mumbled to herself about unattended children in public, and left the two impostors behind to argue over what beer constituted a “real” beer that adults would drink.
But wait a second...
Harrow’s eyes went wide as she noticed the display in front of her: a new IPA from one of Gideon’s favorite local breweries. Now this is real beer, she thought to herself. She hated the stuff, but Gideon would absolutely love it. She tossed the beer into her cart, grabbed a bottle of brandy to add to tea for hot toddies, then walked further down the aisle towards the wines. She found a nice red wine that seemed like they would both enjoy, and added a bottle to her growing pile of supplies. Then she second guessed herself, and added a second, and a third.
The forecast did not look great, predicting at least a foot of snow over the next 24 hours. Who knew how long the two of them might be cooped up in the house together. And while Harrow let herself get a bit excited over the prospect of that much school and work free time alone with Gideon, imagining all the ways they could pass the time, she also knew more than one day without proper snacks would physically and emotionally destroy Gideon, who had the eating habits of a ten year old boy.
She hoped said ten year old was finishing her portion of the shopping. Gideon had the half of the list with the rest of the food staples, so that just left Harrow with the final, and most important part of the list: The selection of the sweets. Gideon loved sugar like Harrow loved wearing black and sneering. Sometimes she still wasn’t sure why the bright, shining, happy girl put up with her bullshit. But she was willing to do whatever it took to keep her around. If that meant buying, and occasionally indulging in copious amounts of sugar, then to Harrow, it was worth it.
She gazed in wonder at the bakery case, and the racks and racks of sweets beside it. There were red velvet cakes, mousse, chocolate eclairs, pies of every possible flavor combination, rainbow bagels (Harrow grabbed a pack of those, knowing Gideon would love how absolutely gay they were), and more.
She groaned, feeling overwhelmed by the choices and the sensory overload of being in the crowded store too long. She loathed shopping. And then, she saw them. Just off to the side: Cupcakes! Gideon loved cupcakes, more than almost any other dessert. She tossed in a box of assorted donuts for her pig girlfriend, rolled her eyes once for good measure, then walked back towards the front of the store to meet the hog in question.
****
The line had grown to epic proportions while they shopped. Harrow trembled lightly just looking at it. She wasn’t sure she’d ever find Gideon in this crowd. Until thankfully, she looked up and just the right time, and noticed a head of electric carrot colored hair coming her way, with a cart nearly overflowing with groceries and supplies.
“My god, Griddle. What didn’t you put in your cart?” she asked? “Did you plan to buy every snack food in a 3 state radius?”
“Actually Harrow, most of this is for you,” said Gideon, blushing profusely.
Harrow narrowed her eyes and looked at what Gideon had selected. Fresh bread, hearty soups…her favorite crackers. And then she noticed the fancy writing journal and pens, sitting on top of the whole heap of supplies. Her eyes welled, and she began to tear up.
“Oh damn, Nonagesimus, don’t cry. We can’t check out if you’re crying.”
“You…you got me so many nice things. I can’t help it.”
“No time,” said Gideon. “Let me see what you got.” Her eyes scanned Harrow’s cart, taking in the boring items like milk and cereal, then noticing the beer—beer from her favorite brewery!— wine, and cupcakes. “Holy shit Harrow. You must really love me,” she beamed.
“Idiot,” Harrow sniffed. “Of course I do. Even though you are an absolute hog.” The smile that overtook Gideon’s face right then could have lit the way for 100 ships on a stormy night, it was so bright.
“I also knew you’d be completely insufferable if we were trapped in the house together for days on end with no sugar.”
“Come on, Gloom Mistress,” Gideon said, putting her arm around Harrow. “We should combine the carts, and pick out any repeats or no go’s.”
“Screw it. This line is a shit show. I just want to get out of here and go home,” said Harrow. “Remind me again why we even came out today?”
Gideon laughed.
“I wanted donuts.”
****
The snow had started falling on their drive home. By the time they parked in their driveway, it was coming down in thick, heavy flakes, and the wind was already whipping it up into small snowdrifts against the side of the house.
Gideon jumped out of the car practically before Harrow had shut off the engine.
“I’m going to get the dog taken care of before it’s too bad out for him to go outside.”
Harrow watched in amusement Gideon unlocked the front door, and their large black mutt shot past her and bounded out the door before she could even react. Harrow rolled down the window to pet the already slobbering beastie, who had quickly made his way over the car. “You missed Mommy, didn’t you Barkimedes”, she said, gently petting the dog’s head.
Gideon rolled her eyes, and stage whispered out the word “traitor!” She clapped for Barkimedes to follow her into the yard to relieve himself. The snow seemed to be getting heavier every second, and she knew he would not be pleased in an hour or two. Leave it to their dog to be even prissier than Harrow.
After securing the dog back in the house, Gideon approached the car. “Are you planning to stay out here all night, Harrow? Or will you be joining me inside, with our new groceries?”
“I was just admiring the view, and saying hello to our son. You always say I have noodle arms anyway…”
Gideon smirked at Harrow sitting in the driver seat, looking her up and down, but not saying a word. Harrow knew she was 3 seconds away from another “please, just come to the gym with me once” conversation. So she got out of the car, and helped Gideon bring in the groceries. Or at least what of them she could carry with her “weak academic’s arms.”
****
With their terrifying supply restock mission accomplished, and the groceries all put away, Gideon and Harrow curled up together on their couch, hot toddies in hand, and a snoring Barkimedes between them. The snow outside was falling heavier and heavier—they most definitely would be waking up to huge piles of snow tomorrow. Which for once, Harrow had to admit was pretty exciting.
Harrow looked at her girlfriend, knowing how thrilled Gideon would be to play in the snow once the weather broke. The dog—not so much.
“Why are you looking at me like that,” Gideon asked.
“Because you’re perfect. There is no one else I’d rather spend a snowpocalypse with. You make even the hell of a crowded grocery store seem fun.”
Gideon blushed. “Awwww Nonagesimus, you’re being so sweet today. Who knew all it took was a stressful shopping trip and impending natural disaster to make you show emotions.”
“Hush. Before I change my mind about all the plans I have for you later,” she said, roaming her eyes up and down Gideon’s body.
That shut Gideon up fast.
“Sure thing, Night Boss. Anything you want”, she said, before putting her arm around Harrow and pulling her close.
“Let’s watch a movie first though.”