Work Text:
1.
Yosuke could safely say April 15th was the worst day of his life: he had forgotten his lunch at home, found out his crush secretly despised him, his deepest feelings exposed themselves as a weird frog monster to the really awesome new transfer student, and, to top it all off, Saki-Senpai was...
Saki-Senpai may have hated him, sure, but she didn’t deserve to die. Whoever killed her, though? Yosuke wanted to make them pay. He was so sure that Midnight Channel was part of it. It had to be her on it that night, and yesterday, she -- his stomach turned thinking about how her body was found. He wanted to cry again, but his eyes hurt from the three times he’d stepped out during class to cry in the bathroom the day before. Still, despite how emotional he was, Yosuke had spent the entirety of that night formulating a plan, and he knew just the person to take his scheme to.
He saw the silver head of hair up ahead of him and pedaled harder to catch up, the puddle mired pavement making him hydroplane when he pulled up next to the taller boy. “Hey! Sorry, for, uh, splashing you…”
Silently, the other boy shook his hair, the droplets scattering in the morning light. The transfer student was pretty… pretty for a guy. “It’s fine, Hanamura-san. What’s up?”
Yosuke jerked himself out of his weird thoughts. “Hey, you saw the literal worst of me, I think you can call me Yosuke,” he half-joked, winking at the other. Was that a bit of pink on his cheeks? Nah.
The gray eyed boy gave him a sweet, barely there smile and nodded. “Only if you call me Yu. I think it’s safe to say we’ve experienced enough weird stuff together to be on a first name basis.” He tilted his head as his grin widened imperceptibly and Yosuke’s heart did a weird stutter. He attributed that to so few people actually accepting him in this podunk town. “So what’s up, Yosuke?” he- Yu asked, emphasizing his name for good measure.
“I was thinking about, well, everything that happened yesterday,” he started, leaning his bike to park it. “I think the TV world is what killed that reporter and… senpai. The bear-thing said that someone was throwing people in. Whoever that is is probably the murderer.” He paused, unsure of how to keep going.
“Do you think we should go to the police?” Yu prodded, doubt laced into his voice.
Yosuke shook his head emphatically. “Hell no. What would they even do? Until yesterday, you were the only one, besides the killer, who could reach in there. After awakening Jiraiya,” he continued, his soul warming, as if his Persona was encouraging him to keep going, “I tried reaching into my tv at home and it worked. Though, I didn’t almost fall in like you,” he added playfully.
Yu rolled his eyes with a good natured huff. “Somehow I feel like I’ll never live that down.”
“Nope!” Yosuke chirped, popping the consonant with a laugh. “Point is, we can’t go to the police. They can’t do anything about it, and besides… who’d believe that the murderer kills people by throwing them into the TV?”
The solemn boy nodded. “It has to be us.”
Yosuke’s eyes widened. He seriously thought it was going to take a lot more to convince Yu to help him.
He held out his hand. “So whaddya say, will you help me solve this case, partner?”
As Yu put his warm hand into Yosukes, the sun popped out from behind a cloud and illuminated the other teen from behind, giving him an ethereal glow, not unlike the one he gave off when summoning Izanagi. The copper haired boy’s heart did that weird skipping thing again as Yu smiled and nodded his agreement.
“Of course, partner.”
2.
He absolutely couldn’t take it anymore. Yu and his friendship had a gap that felt a mile wide, and it was his fault. Those stupid feelings made him push Yu away, and, instead of disappearing, they just festered and grew into sickening jealousy. Every time Rise draped herself off of him, Yosuke felt bile rise in his throat. Whenever Kanji pulled him into a half hug after a battle, Yosuke wanted to tear his limbs off. The last time he saw Yu walk into Aiya’s with Daisuke and Kou, Yosuke actually ran to the shrine and cried behind it in frustration, Jiraiya warming in his heart in an attempt to comfort him. That was his partner, not theirs. His.
Everything would have been fine if Yu hadn’t hugged him during that day on the riverbank. Stupid, considerate, empathetic, perfect Yu, with his warm arms and soft coat and spicy cologne that haunted Yosuke’s dreams. It wasn’t fair. He had to get rid of these feelings, and Yosuke could only think of one way to get them to stop.
The crunching of leaves pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts. He felt Jiraiya get excited and knew who was standing next to him.
“You said we needed to talk?” Yu’s voice was laced with trepidation, which was a word Yosuke learned in class when his partner whispered the answer to him.
“Yeah,” he said, standing up. “I have something I need to get off my chest. I can’t keep hiding it, or I know I’ll end up losing myself and getting a shadow again.” Yosuke shuddered remembering how restless Jiraiya had felt for the past few days, like a tiger prowling in his rib cage. Yu tried to give him an encouraging smile, but it looked more like a grimace.
Yosuke took a deep breath and pressed on. “I’ve been a really, really shitty friend lately. In a way, I haven’t been trusting you, as a leader, or as my partner. I’ve been so jealous of everything you are. You’re smart, you’re charismatic, you’re an amazing leader, and it doesn’t help that you’re one of the best looking guys I’ve ever seen.”
His mouth closed with a snap as his partner stared saucer-eyed back at him. Red alert! Too close to the truth, Hanamura! Back it up!
He cleared his throat and continued. “What I’m trying to say is, I don’t feel like we’re equals. We aren’t partners ! I feel like a lackey, dammit, a sidekick! So I want to ask a favor.” Yu confusedly gestured to him to continue. “Okay. Here goes. Partner, I want you to punch me.”
The riverbank went silent, then Yu started to laugh nervously. “I’m sorry, what?”
Yosuke nearly stomped his foot in frustration. “It’s not funny! I really do want you to hit me, Yu. I want you to punch away all of the crap I’ve been hiding inside. It’s the only way I’ll feel better.”
“That’s not true, Yosuke,” Yu said, calming down enough to not shake with silent hysterics the whole time he was trying to speak. “We could just talk it out, like normal people-“
“But we AREN’T normal people, partner! We go fight brain monsters in a shadow world inside the televisions of Inaba with beings made of the ugly parts of ourselves we wish we could avoid but we can’t , except for you! Yours just showed up because you’re perfect! You don’t hide anything from anyone, and if you did, I think you’d only be hiding it from me!” His voice rose in pitch as he spiraled.
He tried to count backward from ten, if only to stop himself from panicking, but he couldn’t remember what came after eight to save his life. His hands were starting to shake, and Yu definitely noticed. The other boy reached out to him, but Yosuke just closed his fists to try to mask himself in anger. “I’m really starting to think that you care more about every other person in this town more than me.”
Yu gaped at him. “What the- that’s not true! You are my partner, Yosuke Hanamura! I don’t hide anything from you. I’m not perfect! I’m a blank slate! I don’t even have a just single persona, I’ve got hundreds of masks floating around in my head that project themselves around me. I don’t have a clear cut personality like you or Chie or even Teddie for crying out loud! I’m not even sure what Teddie IS and he has a more definitive existence than me! I’m not perfect, Yosuke, please, you of all people should know I hate the pedestal I’ve been put on!” Yu’s voice was edging into frantic territory, absently tugging at his sleeves like he did when he was getting too nervous. Yosuke knew somewhere inside him that he should stop, but he couldn’t. He never had been good at avoiding crashes.
“You know, Narukami,” Yosuke spat, trying to goad Yu into hitting him, his supposed best friend’s last name feeling like an itchy sweater for his tongue. “Maybe I would know that if you freakin’ TALKED to me anymore! You and I haven’t even hung out since the day I cried to you about Saki-Senpai! Maybe I’m too pathetic for you now, is that it?” Yu protested, but Yosuke blundered on. “Sure seems like it! You’d rather spend time with Yukiko, or Kanji, or that one mom from your daycare than me! I bawl my eyes out to you, and you hold me while I cry my heart out, and then you ignore me?! What am I supposed to think?” Jiraiya was like an inferno in his lungs, trying to break free to protect him from his distress, and Yosuke was astonished that he somehow hadn’t managed to escape into the real world.
Yu ran his hands through his hair, which still managed to fall flawlessly into place, of course. “Yosuke, I don’t know what to do! I care so much about you, but I can’t always hang out with you! I have other people I need to take care of!” Yosuke turned and stomped away. It was childish, and he knew it was, but he folded his arms and bounced his leg. Yu was going to have to come to him.
Like he’d been cued by Yosuke’s petty thoughts, Yu darted in front of him, tears in his eyes, begging. “Please, Yosuke, don’t do this to me, you’re my best friend! You’re my partner! What can I do to fix this?”
Yosuke almost relented.
Almost.
“Will you just hit me?! Hit me and make us equals, dammit! That’s all I- oof!”
Yosuke’s words went flying as Yu’s fist connected with his jaw. He looked at him with wide eyes, feeling his lip start to swell and bleed. Yu stepped forward, concern all over that normally stupidly stoic face, but Yosuke held his hand up.
“Again. Hit me again.”
Yu looked at him in horror before his face drew into a snarl. “This is cruel, Yosuke. And you know it is. You know how I feel about my personas.” And that was true: Yu had confided in him during a particularly emotional sleepover that he hated feeling like he had to wear individualized masks to make himself useful to everyone. Yosuke felt the guilt start to creep into his heart, but there was no turning back.
Yu took another step forward. “You want me to hit you? Sure. I’ll get on your level. But if we’re equals, hit me back you fucking coward.” He flinched. Yu never swore. Between being around Nanako all the time and his strict upbringing, any vulgarity was a sign that Yu was truly furious.
Yu shoved him. “Go on, hit me!”
Shove. “Hit me, Hanamura!”
Shove. “HIT ME, JUNES BOY!”
That did it. Yosuke wound up and punched Yu straight in the gut. The gray haired boy wheezed, stumbling painfully, but then he stood, fire in his eyes and a crazy smile on his lips.
The only word going through Yosuke’s mind at that moment was beautiful.
Another deck across the jaw sent Yosuke fumbling toward the Samegawa. He spat, his saliva more blood than anything. A matching, hysterical grin crossed his face as he stared at his partner.
For a second, the two boys just looked at each other, as if truly seeing the other for the first time. Yosuke knew Yu saw straight through his bravado, that his cruel words were just like his shadow’s were: great big exaggerations of his real feelings. He also knew that Yu was finally letting down his carefully crafted walls, the ones even Yosuke hadn’t broken through. He was letting Yosuke demolish them, just like Yosuke was asking Yu to destroy his insecurities.
Their moment passed and soon the two boys were fighting with the same vigor they would in the TV world. Fists and feet were flying, and, though neither of them would admit to it later, there was some biting and hair pulling. Low blows, but not lower than the things they’d said.
The two of them fought until they both collapsed onto the riverbank. Their chests rose and fell in tandem, the two of them back in perfect sync.
Yosuke turned his head toward the other boy. Ow. “Yu, I said some awful shit today. I’m s-“
Yu held up a bruised finger to stop him. “ Uhp . No. Some of what you said was cruel, some of it was accurate. I have been treating you like a sidekick, like you’re just another card in my deck,” he said, pausing to catch his breath. He painfully flipped onto his side so he could look Yosuke in the eyes, grey storms holding his gaze steadily, and nothing had ever made Yosuke feel both so pinned in place and so free at the same time.
Yu reached over and brushed some of Yosuke’s hair away from a cut, both of them wincing as his long fingers glanced off of what was sure to be a nasty bruise. “You said some hurtful things, and I know I’m not the only one who’s been avoiding this, but I want to try again with our friendship. You matter so much to me, and I would do anything to keep you in my life, but,” he continued, rolling back into his back with a groan, “let’s absolutely never do this again. If there’s a problem, just come talk to me. I’ll always listen.”
Yosuke could only nod, and the heat in his chest started to fill his body, down to his toes. Something felt like it was growing inside of Yosuke. Jiraiya was crowing triumphantly, glowing with radiant light.
“Susano-o,” he whispered, touching his heart. The evolved Persona inside him benignly smiled back at him. When he closed his eyes he could see its flaming hair flickering like a bonfire, the vibrant sawblades surrounding its neck and body orbiting like Saturn’s rings. It was so strange, this new presence, comfortable and mature, after feeling Jiraiya’s constant energetic warmth for so many months, but Yosuke also could feel that same energy within this changed entity, like an old friend but also a stranger he wanted to know at the same time.
Yu glanced back at him. “What did you say, partner?”
Yosuke looked over and smiled weakly back at him. “I think… I think our fight made my Persona transform.” He laughed, confused and scared and joyful.
Yu’s eyes widened and a smile broke onto his face. “Really? Of course,” he thought aloud, staring up at the clouds. “You acknowledged some pretty ugly feelings about me, and accepted them. You didn’t back out.”
Yosuke wondered if Susano-o would change again if he really acknowledged his feelings about Yu, but for now, he just enjoyed the sore feeling in his arms and the glow purring in his chest, and he let himself just be, peacefully lying by the river with his best friend. Yosuke knew he probably didn’t deserve the pretty, beat up smiling boy next to him, but Yu was choosing him so why not relish the feeling while it lasted?
3.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
Yosuke glared at his wristwatch, willing time to go faster. He could summon gales of wind and take down psychotic murderers, but getting through a shift in the toy department was still torture. At least he had Teddie to keep him company.
Sorta.
He gawked around, searching for Teddie’s blue fur peeking over the kids. It took a few seconds, but the brown-eyed boy breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the mascot playing with some little kids in the play place ball pit. He only had to watch Teddie for ten more minutes and thirty-six seconds before Yu was coming to get him.
At the thought of Yu, Takehaya Susano-o rumbled in his heart, as if he was saying ‘tell him.’ Yosuke grimaced at his Persona. He’d only recently figured out how to interpret his inner self’s emotions as words, the latest of the group, but, after the most recent transformation, Yosuke’s Persona had turned into an insistent chatterbox.
I can’t just tell him! I spent so much time making fun of Kanji, he’s just going to laugh at me. He’ll probably punch me. I- I can’t, TS, he responded, a light hand resting on his chest as he spoke back to the storm god inside him.
The Persona grumbled, something like ‘at least you admit it,’ before settling back into a nap. Yosuke rolled his eyes fondly. After their battles in the Hollow Forest, his Persona had begun to laze about in his chest, like he was finished with his work and retired. It was odd, but the relaxing feeling was certainly not unwelcome after everything they’d been through.
Little arms circled his waist, yanking him out of his musings. “Yosuke- nii ! Big Bro brought me to Junes to come get you! He said we had to come get you so he could have a sleepover with you, and I asked if you’re his favorite and he said yes but not to tell you because it’d go to your head. What does that mean?” He looked down, alarmed but immediately sinking into a big smile when he saw Nanako smiling up at him. Raising his eyes, he saw a pink-cheeked Yu standing sheepishly on the side.
Yosuke tried to give Yu a stern look but was holding back so much laughter it came out more like a badly hidden manic grin. “Well, it means he thinks I’ll get all cocky and stop playing nice with everyone else, but I’ll tell you a secret,” he said, leaning down to the wide-eyed girl, who was all about secrets now, even if she couldn’t keep them longer than 30 seconds. Yosuke didn’t bother to lower his voice, making sure he looked Yu in the eyes as he leaned in to ‘whisper’ into the little girl’s ear. “He’s my favorite, too, but you can’t tell him because then we’ll have to pop his ego like a balloon!” On ‘pop,’ he tickled Nanako’s sides, making her giggle uncontrollably.
Yu turned even redder, but he had a pleased smile on his face, the same one his stray cats got when he handed them giant fish to eat. The taller boy leaned down to the little girl, who was still giggling. “Why don’t you go play with Teddie for a bit? I’m sure he’s missed you.”
“Okay! Oh! Big Bro, you don’t have to worry,” she said, barely lowering her voice. “You’re Yosuke- nii ’s favorite, too.”
Yu pretended to be surprised. “Well, that is a relief. Now go play.” He pointed toward where Teddie was being buried in the ball pit. Nanako nodded and skipped off to go join the fun.
Both boys stood and smiled at each other warmly. “So is Yosuke really your favorite? Don’t worry, I won’t tell him. I happen to keep secrets way better than Nanako- chan does,” Yosuke smirked, winking at his friend. It always gave him a confidence boost when typically stoic Yu got flustered by him , and sure enough, Yu’s cheeks got redder.
“I dunno, his teasing is pretty rude, but, for now, I’d say he’s pretty secure in his place. Behind Nanako, of course.”
Yosuke beamed back at his partner. He was right, it was a total ego boost, and Takehaya Susano-o whispered ‘tell him’ again.
Ignoring his Persona, Yosuke continued on. “Why don’t you go pick us out some snacks? It is a sleepover, we gotta have everything. Just wait for me to come down to check out. I’ll pay so we get the discount.”
“I mean, I would go get snacks, but Nanako and I spent our time together cooking dinner and a bunch of finger foods to eat. I doubt you’d want to let all that curry go to waste.”
“Wait, really? You made me curry?!”
Yu gave him a deadpan look. “No, I made you Mystery Food X. I asked Yukiko and Chie for the recipe.”
“Rude.”
Yu laughed, a more common sight now that the world was saved. “Of course I made you curry, you goofball. It’s your favorite, and you’re mine.”
Yosuke’s face turned as red as his jeans. “Aaah, partner! You can’t just say stuff like that without warning!”
Yu grinned back triumphantly, the battle of wits won. “Well, I did, and you can’t tell Yosuke.” He placed a finger over his lips and winked back.
Critical hit!
Yosuke made an inhuman noise and turned back to watching the kids. They’d now successfully buried Teddie up to the tuft of his fur, which looked more like a weird blue sprout sticking out of the mountain of plastic balls.
Yu walked behind him and leaned his chin over Yosuke’s shoulder. “Are you almost done? I’m already bored.”
“Why do you do this, you’re, like, 2 centimeters taller than me, partner,” Yosuke grumbled, shrugging his shoulder to remove the human growth that had settled there. “And I have 4 minutes aaaand 22 seconds left.”
Yu groaned, leaning back onto his friend. “Ugh. I wanna go home and watch movies with you. There’s so many on our list you haven’t shown me.” Yu was referring to the list they’d made when he first slept over and Yosuke found out about his tragically uncultured upbringing that denied him the Speedy and Serious movies. Yosuke had vowed to show him every movie on that list before he left Inaba.
They weren’t going to make it through it in time.
With a frustrated groan and a darting look to make sure no one was watching, Yosuke turned and grabbed Yu by the wrist, pulling him into the unoccupied puzzle aisle. He threw his arms around his friend’s neck. Yu was surprised, but laced his arms around his upset friend’s midsection. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No, no, it’s just… I wish you didn’t have to go. You’re happy here, dammit!” Yosuke wiped his eyes. “I don’t want you to go back to Tokyo. Just, stay here with Dojima and Nanako and the team…”
Stay here with me.
Yu gave him a soft look, pulling him in for another hug. “I wish I could. Hey, the year will be over before you know it.”
Yosuke mumbled into Yu’s shoulder.
“What was that? Sorry, you were muffled.”
Yosuke lifted his chin to set on Yu’s shoulder. “I said, will you miss me?”
Yu’s breath hitched. He held Yosuke tighter, both of their hearts hammering against each other.
“Every single day, partner.”
They sat there, hugging each other until Yosuke’s watch beeped, signalling the end of his shift and if either of them had to brush away any more evidence of tears, no one but them was around to witness it.
4.
Five years.
Five years to the day, and this was the first time Yosuke had been able to work up the courage to visit Saki-Senpai’s grave.
He felt so awkward, waiting for her parents to leave. He wasn’t sure if they still were mad at him, the Junes boy who followed Saki around like a lost puppy all the while her parents’ store suffered. He didn’t know if he could handle anyone being angry at him today.
Standing near a random grave, Yosuke pulled the hood of his coat around his face while her family walked away. Her brother got tall. I wonder what he’s studying in college. Probably medicine; he did end up leading the student health committee.
Once they were safely out of sight, Yosuke walked over to the stone. A beautiful portrait of his high-school crush stared back at him, smiling prettily from her frame. Flowers and gifts were everywhere. Notes were left under piles of rocks, probably from friends. Her parents had left some yellow chrysanthemums and a plate of her favorite candies. Yosuke smiled, remembering the times he’d left them in her work locker after seeing her upset. He never signed the little, encouraging notes he’d write, but he was pretty sure she’d known who was leaving them.
He took a deep breath and set the coffee he was carrying down next to all the other offerings. It was a peppermint mocha, her favorite. As soon as the Christmas shopping season began, the food court would start serving the drink, and Saki-Senpai was always the first in line to get a cup. Yosuke had to bribe the barista (some smart-mouthed high schooler who was probably only in elementary school when Saki died and just didn’t understand how important it was that Yosuke get this specific drink), into pulling out the ingredients from the back room to make two of them for him. The first holiday season they’d worked together, Yosuke would dream every night about buying her coffee, her confessing to him, and them kissing as the snow fell around them. It would have been his first kiss, and it would have been perfect.
Now, he was almost grateful it never happened.
A brisk breeze brought Yosuke out of his nostalgia, reminding him where he was. He wrapped his hands around the lukewarm cup, trying to gather as much heat off of it as he could. He took a sip, wincing at the sweetness.
“Ah, this would be something you like. You always did have a giant sweet tooth. Worse than Yu’s. I wish you’d have gotten to know him, Saki-Senpai. You would have gotten along well. You both laugh at the same stuff, you both love cat videos, and you both could eat your weight in candy,” he chuckled, addressing her portrait. “You two would have had some fantastic conversations, and I would have listened for hours, if you would have let me.”
Yosuke sighed. “Saki, I wish you would have felt comfortable telling me to back off. I wish I had been the kind of guy that you could trust to listen. There’s a lot of things I regret about high school me,” he mumbled, remembering the cruel things he said to Kanji and the creepy way he’d treated the girls. “I was a mess, and I’m sorry.”
“I dunno if you care, but I’ve grown up a lot. I moved to Tokyo with Yu after third year. I’m in college now. I know, I never thought I’d make it, either,” he laughed, thinking about his pre-Yu study habits. “I’m studying to be a music producer, about to graduate, actually. Yu actually encouraged me to do it, he knew I was gonna be miserable if I went into business like my dad wanted. I actually stopped him from going into law, y’know. He’s done enough crime solving for a lifetime. Yu actually started working part time at a little café in Yongen-Jaya, he makes amazing coffee, so much better than the Junes stuff. You always used to say that the only way it was drinkable was as this,” he said, gesturing with his coffee. “ And you aren’t wrong. I bet you’d love the stuff Yu makes. He’s so careful. He practices at home, you know.” He paused, letting the memory of the nervous, hopeful look on his partner’s face as Yosuke had lifted the first mug of fresh coffee to his lips and the huge, relieved smile that followed his sigh of appreciation.
“I never really liked coffee until him.”
Yosuke looked at the ground, quietly twisting the coffee cup in his hands. “Saki-Senpai, I know you know I had a crush on you growing up. You were so nice to me, and I needed that when I moved to Inaba. I really thought I loved you, but I didn’t. I loved the idea of you. I painted you as this beautiful, unattainable angel in my mind, and that was unfair, but it also wasn’t… love. Love is someone seeing the worst of you, the actual worst part of you, and them still wanting to move in with you for college. Love is them showing you how to appreciate things like coffee or fish, or teaching you how to cook your favorite meal, and, even though you’ve burnt the roux three times in the last two hours, they never get mad and call you hopeless or disappointing, they just call for takeout. Love is them lowering their walls so you can help them heal, but at the same time, it heals you.”
He took a deep breath. “Saki-Senpai, I’m telling you this, and you have to promise not to show up in Yu’s dreams and blab my secrets, but… I think I’m in love with him. I think I have been since high school, but you’re the first person I’ve told.”
Takehaya Susano-o gave an indignant burn at that. You don’t count, you’re literally me, he scolded back. He felt the Persona grumble but it settled back into place. If storm gods could sulk, that was definitely what it was doing.
Yosuke looked at Saki’s smiling face, forever seventeen and happy. “I’m sorry, I kinda rambled on about myself... It’s not fair that you don’t get to experience things like this, Senpai. You deserved so much better. If I could wish you back to life, I would.
“Your parents still look so tired, Saki. I’ve replayed that week a thousand times, and I know that there’s no way we could have saved you, but I’ll always wonder, you know? Who would you be now? Would you have changed as much as I have? What would you be doing with your life? You should have had the chance to grow up, Saki. Sure, Adachi may be in prison for the rest of his life, but that doesn’t bring you back, dammit.” Yosuke was crying now, fat tears streaming down his face. “It’s not fair. Growing up has been so much fun, Senpai. You should have been here, too.”
For a while, he just stood there and cried, letting every ounce of guilt, of frustration, of pure sadness leave his body. She may have died years ago, but Yosuke got so caught up in the case, he never really gave himself the chance to mourn, at least, that’s what Yu told him.
After a few minutes, Yosuke’s sobs softened into sniffles. He calmed himself, Takehaya Susano-o warming was if to say ‘there, there, you will be okay.’ Downing the rest of his now cold coffee, Yosuke smiled at the picture. “Sorry you had to see that, Senpai. I don’t know when I’ll be back here again. School is just getting more intense as the year goes.” He checked his watch. “Shit, is that the time? Crap, Saki, I gotta go. My train leaves in twenty minutes, and I gotta get back home.”
I gotta get back to Yu.
He wiped his eyes again, praying quickly for Saki, and hurried out of the graveyard. As he walked away, the sun peeked out from behind the clouds, warming his face gently. It felt like a caress, as if Saki was reaching down from heaven to pinch his cheek like she used to when teasing him. Yosuke smiled tearfully at the sky, and ran toward the station.
A train ride later, Yosuke was tip-toeing his way into their apartment, listening for any sounds indicating that his roommate was awake. Hearing nothing, he slid his shoes off and made his way into their living room.
“Hmm… Yo’ske?” A sleepy voice mumbled from the couch. Under a pile of blankets laid Yu, sleepy eyed and cuddling the worn plush cat Yosuke had bought him for his eighteenth birthday.
“Sorry, did I wake you, partner?”
“Mmhmm, but s’okay. How was your trip?” Yu stretched and sat up, pointing at the spot next to him on their couch.
“I mean, you know what I went there for. It went as well as it could have.” Yosuke settled in, pulling Yu’s legs over his own.
“I’m sure, but do you feel any better?”
Yosuke shrugged, staring down at Yu’s mismatched socks, a small rebellion against the strict dress code he grew up with. “I guess... I guess I got some, I dunno, closure?” he said, gently running his thumb back and forth across Yu’s leg. “It was strange. It felt like she really heard me talking to her. I told her about you, how I think you two would have been friends.”
“Hmm, I would have liked that, especially if we all were. I feel like I would have gotten roped into some more Junes shifts, though,” he said, reaching over to playfully push Yosuke. “Did you stop and say hi to anyone afterward?”
“Nah, I would have missed my train.”
Yu shrugged. “It’s not like you wouldn’t have had anyone to stay with.”
Yosuke reached over and gently flicked Yu on the nose. “Yeah, but I wanted to come home to you, dummy.”
Yu giggled and kicked at him, and, in retaliation, Yosuke grabbed Yu’s foot and started to tickle him. The kicking devolved into an attempt to squirm away, which further spun into wrestling onto the floor. Yosuke pinned the other man down and attacked his sides, tears rolling down Yu’s face as he laughed. There was more life and joy in his face in that moment than Yosuke had seen the entire first year of their friendship. He stopped, staring in almost reverent awe at the man on the floor below him.
Yu’s laughter quieted but the smile remained. “What’s up?” he asked between breaths.
“You look nice when you smile, you know that?”
His silver eyes widened, soft pink dusting his cheeks. “I, um, I’ve been told that, but, uh, thank you, Yosuke.”
Yosuke sat back on his feet, allowing Yu to slip out from under him. “Sorry, that was weird, wasn’t it? I bet you hear it all the time.”
The other man tucked his knees up to his chin. “I mean, I’ve been told I should smile more, but I guess… It means more when you say it.”
It was Yosuke’s turn to stare and blush. “Geez, you always know how to fluster me, huh?”
“You’re one to talk! Complimenting me like that after telling me how you wanted to come home to me? Honestly, Yosuke, how are you still single?”
“That’s rich coming from you, Partner. You literally had every girl in high school and college falling over themselves to confess to you, not to mention the number of women who hit on you at LeBlanc every day,” Yosuke added, recalling Yu’s first day at the café and the pocketful of napkins with hastily scribbled phone numbers (he would never admit how happy he was to see them all end up in the trash can, but he did do a smug dance when he took it to the dumpster the next day.)
Yu got quiet. He stared at his knees, and Yosuke started to panic. “Wait, I’m sorry, Yu. What did I say?”
His partner sighed, dropping his forehead to his knees. “Nothing. It’s just… There’s something I need to tell you, something I should have told you a long time ago, but, Yosuke, I need to know I can trust you not to freak out when I say this, so I need you to promise not to run.”
“Partner I-”
Yu grabbed his wrist and looked up, both fear and frustration in his eyes. “Promise me, Yosuke Hanamura.”
He was taken aback by the sudden intensity of his partner’s demeanor, but nodded. “I promise I won’t run, okay?”
Uncurling himself hesitantly, Yu turned his head away, clearly not wanting to look Yosuke in the eyes. “Okay. Remember that when I’m done then, alright?” Yosuke settled in, trying to be as still and solid seeming as possible. “Okay, so, have you ever wondered why I never actually accepted any of those confessions, or like… called those numbers?”
The brown haired boy shrugged. “I just assumed they weren’t your type.”
Yu laughed mirthlessly. “You’re not wrong. They’re definitely not my type.”
They were silent for a moment, soft raindrops falling outside. The clock on the wall chimed the midnight hour. Out of instinct, they both turned to the television in the corner, fear in their eyes. Yosuke grimaced at the habit. It’d been so long, and they both were still so paranoid, as if the unspoken tensions in the room would spawn one of their shadows.
As the minutes ticked past with no glow, they both relaxed. The rain pattered away on the glass of their windows. Yosuke and Yu both started as a crack of thunder pierced the night. Takehaya Susano-o was on full alert, leaving Yosuke trembling in a way he hadn’t since he was seventeen. Five years had passed, and stormy nights were still one of his biggest fears, his reaction made only more intense by the emotional day he’d had.
“Hey, Partner?” Yosuke asked, white as a sheet, still shaken by old habits resurfacing and the storm outside. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
5.
It looked like it took a second for the words to compute inside Yu’s mind. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
Yosuke almost balked when another clap of thunder drove him to Yu’s side as their power flickered. He cowered as Yu stared at him in surprise. In a small voice, he repeated himself. “Please, Yu, stay out here with me. It’s been a really long day, and I just… I really don’t want to be alone right now. We can talk about that stuff in the morning, just… please. Stay with me.”
As Yu was about to respond, the lights in the apartment blinked out with a fzzzz-click . They both held onto the other a little tighter, the darkness making things a little simpler. Yosuke felt Yu’s hand, bearing only the hints of the calluses that were formed by his sword, lace itself into his; it was warm, their fingers fitting together like two jigsaw pieces falling into place. His thumb stroked Yosuke’s hand gently. The repetitive motion lulled him into a near sleep.
“I need to let go for a bit, is that okay?” Yosuke jumped at the sound of Yu’s soft voice near his ear. His body immediately tensed up, worrying that Yu was all of a sudden regretting their closeness. “No, no, don’t worry,” he said, his partner reading his mind as usual. “I’m just gonna light some candles and get our battery packs, okay? Just stay here, I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Yosuke nodded, but, realizing it was pitch black and Yu couldn’t see him do that, gave him an okay. Yu warned him to cover his eyes as he turned the flashlight from his phone on. His partner made his way down the hall to the closet where they hid the emergency supplies. It wasn’t long before their living room was bathed in a pretty orange glow, their phones were plugged in, and mugs of Yu’s delicious coffee were warming their hands. Yu had even found a deck of cards for them to pass the time with.
Yosuke could barely imagine a more perfect way to distract himself from the storm, but the awkward tension was still filling the apartment. Yu was chewing on his nails between rounds of Go Fish, a habit he’d supposedly broken a long time ago. Yosuke’s stomach rolled with guilt at the sight.
He put down his cards. “Okay, this is really upsetting you, partner. Do you want to talk about things?”
Yu blanched, dropping his arms and completely exposing his hand, but he slowly nodded.
“Yosuke… I just…”
“It’s okay, Yu.”
Yu looked Yosuke in the eyes, nervousness shining in the candlelight. “Alright. I really haven’t talked about this with… anyone. Well, except Rise, but she was really insistent and flirty and I had to make her stop. She was more okay with it than I planned…” He trailed off a little, and Yosuke knew he was intentionally getting off track. He cleared his throat and gestured kindly for Yu to continue.
Yu sighed. “Right. So… Yosuke, I’m… I’m gay. I have been since- okay, so I’ve been gay my whole life, but I figured it out the year I moved to Inaba, but everything was so confusing, and we had the murders to deal with, not to mention I was terrified of losing you. You were literally the first best friend I’ve had since pre-school.”
Yosuke felt his cheeks burn with shame at his past actions. “I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me. I was an ass in high school. It never should have been a question of whether or not you could tell me. But,” he continued, putting a hand over Yu’s, “I’m not going anywhere.”
Yu’s cheeks turned pink as he stared at the hand over his. “Yosuke... “ His voice was barely a whisper. “I have another confession to make. I-”
“Wait.” Yosuke stopped him, squeezing his hand. “I think it’s only fair if I make a confession, too.” Yu tilted his head in that curious, endearing way, and Yosuke’s heart stuttered. “Okay, here goes. So, you know how I crashed my bike the first day of school?” Yu nodded. “Okay, wanna know why I crashed?” Yu snorted a little and nodded again. “Alright. So there was this really, really attractive person walking in front of me, someone I’d never seen, and I got so distracted trying to get a better look at them, I lost control and-” he made a crashing noise with his mouth.
Yu stifled a giggle, and Yosuke decided to keep going. “Yeah, and the next day, I did it again, this time managing to land in a trash can, can you imagine? Someone was just so pretty that I couldn’t keep my eyes on the road.” Yu was staring at him in mild wonder and apprehension, but, like he was driving that stupid bicycle on that gray April morning all over again, Yosuke barrelled on. “Partner, you wanna know why I was so adamant about you beating the shit outta me? I’d been so damn jealous of every second you were spending with every other person in town, and somehow I managed to convince myself that you hitting me would stop these thoughts from catching up with me and maybe I’d stop thinking about how nice it felt when you held me when I cried.”
“Yosuke…”
Careening ever closer to the truth, and encouraged by the persona in his chest, the words kept tumbling out of his mouth. “Honestly, I was terrified that you were going to figure me out. By the time you were leaving I was this close to begging you to stay, just for me. When I was at Saki’s grave today, I told her about us, about how living with you has changed me for the better. It’s made me realize a lot of stuff about myself…”
Yu’s eyes glittered in the candlelight. He looked ethereal, the flickering light bathing him in a warm, romantic glow. You will never get a more perfect moment than this, tell him, Takehaya Susano-o rumbled, nudging him. For the first time, Yosuke felt like listening to his Persona.
He moved closer to the still awe-struck man. “Yu, can I make one more confession before your turn?” Dazed, his partner nodded.
“Alright. Partner,” he continued shakily, reaching up to touch Yu’s cheek. “I like you. A lot. I have for a while now and I haven’t known how to say it. I was scared you’d reject me and I’d have to leave and I really, really didn’t want that. I was terrified you’d call me a hypocrite and kick me out, and nothing scared me more than the thought of losing you. But, I mean, call me out if I’m way off base, I don’t think I will.” His voice dropped to a whisper as he stared into Yu’s eyes.
His partner shook his head. “You won’t lose me. You could never- I would never- are you seri-“ Yu was struggling to form words around the smile forming on his face. “Am I dreaming? How do I know I’m not dreaming?”
Yosuke felt emboldened by Yu’s stunned reactions. He helped Yu stand and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him close. He looked up into his partner’s wondrous stare and leaned in. “Will you kiss me? Please?”
For a second, Yu froze, and Yosuke worried he’d moved too fast, but he soon felt the warm press of lips on his.
The kiss was everything he’d ever fantasized about: it was sure but gentle, passionate yet chaste, and he felt like he was in one of his mom’s romance novels she’d tried to hide from him when he was little. Okay, don’t think about mom now, oh god, he thought as Yu took the lead, tangling a hand into Yosuke’s hair and angling them just right. The kiss deepened, both of them sighing as everything clicked into place, their worlds finally aligned and perfect.
They broke apart as the lights came back on, breaking the spell cast by the blackout, but they didn’t pull away. The two of them stood there, enjoying the closeness.
The coffee table started to buzz, and shortly after Yosuke realized he was getting a call. He groaned. “Of course it would be me, huh?” He pressed a quick kiss to Yu’s mouth. “Do you mind if I take it?”
“Go ahead. It’ll give me a second to calm down,” he whispered through a soft grin. Yosuke gave him another kiss before diving for his phone.
“Hello?”
“Yosuke, I just saw the news about the blackouts in Tokyo, are you and Yu alright?”
“Yeah, mom, we’re…” He looked over to where his partner was smiling more beautifully than he ever had seen, his fingers brushing his lips shyly. Yosuke’s heart swelled.
“We’re fantastic.”
+1.
“Passengers, please return to your seats, we will now begin our descent into Honolulu, Hawaii. For our international friends, make sure to have your passports handy so you can begin your vacations with no hitches, and thank you for flying with us!”
Yosuke gently shook Yu awake. “Partner, hey, Yu. We’re landing.”
“Hmmm, five more minutes,” Yu mumbled as he tried to bury himself in Yosuke’s neck. His soft hair tickled Yosuke’s nose, and it took everything for him not to sneeze all over his boyfriend’s hair.
Their plane was tightly packed with students from Tokyo going on a school trip, and it was a wonder Yu had managed to sleep through the incessant chatter. It made Yosuke think back to their disaster of a school trip and shudder. Were we ever that bad?
You were worse.
He scrunched his nose at Takehaya Susano-o’s response as he wiggled the snoozing man back and forth again. “Babe, the ocean is so pretty, come on, take a look! I know you wanted to see.”
With a sleepy grumble, Yu extracted himself and peeked around to look out the window. His eyes widened with a small gasp. “Wow…”
Yosuke couldn’t help but smile at his reaction. The trip may have been Yosuke’s idea, but Yu did all the planning, somehow without Yosuke’s knowledge. He surprised him on graduation day with a great big fake lei, a pair of plastic flamingos, and some inflatable pineapples, letting him juggle his diploma and all of the strange knick knacks until he couldn’t hold back the news. The entire room had turned to see who screamed as Yosuke tackled his fantastic, smart, handsome boyfriend in the middle of the auditorium. The two of them finished their preparations over the summer, getting passports renewed and helping each other pick out new swimsuits for the trip.
The flights had been the most frustrating thing for them, since Yu was such an early bird and Yosuke believed red-eye flights were against the Geneva conventions. After a spat over it, they agreed to split the difference: early flight out and late flight back. Yu had been surprisingly okay with that. Normally, he put up more of a fight over scheduling, but it seemed, the closer they had drawn to the trip, the easier he was to convince to get more relaxed in his planning.
When Rise found out, she made sure to call in a favor to a friend in Oahu to make sure they had the ‘best view in all of Honolulu.’ After they checked in, they both silently agreed to thank her because, wow . The window of their huge suite looked right out onto the ocean, a stunning vision of blue as far as Yosuke could see from way up high. He had been a little worried when he saw all of the high schoolers in the lobby, that they would end up hearing teenagers running up and down the halls all day, but the concierge led the two of them to a quieter elevator and guided them up to the 24th floor. She assured them that the students would be staying on the lower floors. They were both relieved. They’d heard a couple of them mentioning the ‘Phantom Thieves,’ and Japanese hacktivist nonsense was the last thing either of them wanted to think about during their vacation. The ‘mental shutdown’ cases were starting to feel eerily similar to the Love Meets Bonds festival, and Yosuke was not about to deal with that again. Dancing for shadows was weird enough when he was a teenager, and as an adult? Forget about it.
Although he did wonder if Yu’s outfit would still fit him.
“Yosuke?”
The copper haired man shook his head, clearing the fog from his mind, and flashed a smile at his beautiful partner, his head tilted in curiosity at him. “Sorry, I was just thinking about those kids in the lobby.”
“Oh, and here I thought you and I were on a romantic vacation together to get away from it all. I understand,” Yu sighed with a theatrical flop onto their huge bed. His drama club days may have been well behind him, but he never resisted the opportunity to show off his hammy acting. “You’re just using me for airline rewards points.”
Yosuke barked a laugh. “Of course, how could you have seen through my clever ruse?”
Yu smirked up at him. “Saintly understanding and sagely knowledge.”
“You’re weird.”
“I’m your weird.” Yu smiled lopsidedly from his upside down place on the bed and reached toward him with grabby hands.
“You got me there, partner,” Yosuke murmured, leaning over him to plant a kiss on his lover’s forehead. “Now come on, you. I want dinner. Airplane food sucks.”
Yu sat up with his ‘here’s-a-fact’ face, and Yosuke cut him off. “And I know why. Something about sinuses and altitude and I have graduated , Narukami. I’m here to celebrate never having to learn anything again, so don’t try to teach me anything this entire week.”
His partner pouted, which only made Yosuke laugh more. “Fine, but we do have to wait for dinner for about-” he checked his watch, “another hour. We have reservations at a really nice place.”
“Partner, you are spoiling me!”
“You deserve it. I know I’ve said it a lot lately, but I am so proud to be with you, Yosuke. I love you so much.”
Yosuke didn’t think that it would make a difference how many times he heard those words, he was pretty sure he would end up a blushing mess every single time. “I love you too, partner.”
Yu handed him a box out of his suitcase with a soft smile. “Your outfit for tonight is in here. Go change for me?” He pressed a kiss to the stunned man’s cheek as he pushed him toward the large bathroom with a soft pat on the ass.
Standing in the giant, white tiled room, Yosuke took a second to breathe before starting the shower. Today had already been such a whirlwind, and now Yu was taking him on a ritzy date? He really was lucky.
You’re welcome, Takehaya Susano-o rumbled from deep in his heart. Yosuke fondly rolled his eyes. His persona was absolutely convinced he was to thank for their relationship, and, in a sense, he helped, so Yosuke let him believe it.
Eager to see what was in the box, Yosuke finished his shower in record time, toweling his hair off with one hand and opening the present with the other. Yu had really outdone himself this time. A pale, creamsicle orange dotted button down was to be layered with a light tan jacket and a really nice pair of jeans, nicer than anything Yosuke would have purchased for himself. He put it all on and admired himself in the mirror.
You look nice.
‘Thanks, TS.’ His partner really did have great taste.
When he stepped out of the bathroom, Yu glanced up from his phone. He watched his face spread into a wide grin, eyes sparkling with mischief and mirth. “Hot.”
“No you.”
Yu lifted himself off of the bed with a stretch. “Alright, my turn. I’ll be quick.”
Once Yu had showered and changed into his dinner outfit (a pale blue collared shirt with a violet tie that really offset his eyes and left the brunette thinking WOW Yosuke how did you ever think you were straight? ), the pair made their way up to the high class restaurant on the roof of their resort. The place was lit with soft twinkling lights wrapped into the natural foliage. Their host led them to a table set perfectly to watch the remnants of the sunset as they sipped on the bottle of chilled champagne waiting at their table. It took his breath away.
“Yu, this is the most romantic thing I think I’ve ever seen.”
“I’m glad,” Yu said. He pulled out Yosuke’s seat and gestured for him to sit. Charmed, Yosuke sat, staring up in adoration at his wonderful boyfriend.
Yu took the seat opposite him just as a waiter walked up, offering to pour them both some of the champagne. To Yosuke’s delight, it was a pineapple wine, only adding to the tropical atmosphere surrounding them. He grabbed his menu, being careful not to knock anything over in his excitement.
He must have made a face at the prices in the menu because Yu reached over to cover his hand with a warm smile. “No need to worry, it’s already paid for. Pick whatever you like.” Yosuke’s head tilted. Yu was normally more frugal than this. This was the man who ate yogurt six weeks expired because ‘it was still sealed’ or washed and reused disposable chopsticks until Yosuke finally tossed them because he was tired of picking the splinters out of the stubborn penny-pincher’s hands. He wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth, though, so when the waiter brought out the first course, he dug right in as soon as the snooty looking man was turned around.
“Mmmf… This is heavenly, partner.”
Yu grinned benignly behind his napkin. “Then it’s worth it.”
Yosuke scooped up a bite of his appetizer and held it out to Yu. When he went to grab the fork from him though, he pulled it away. “Nope, we’re way past that point in our relationship. Say ‘ah!’”
The rest of the meal continued like that; the two of them feeding each other bites off their own plates and generally being sickeningly adorable, but they couldn’t find it in their hearts to care. It was like they were in their own private world.
Just when Yosuke was sure their night couldn’t get better, Yu pulled him up from his seat and urged Yosuke to follow him out of the resort down to the beach. They kicked off their sandals and rolled the legs of their pants up, walking right along where the waves crashed on the sand. The couple laced their fingers together, enjoying the cold water washing over their toes. Occasionally, they’d knock their shoulders together, playfully pushing one another back and forth with the movement of the ocean.
Yosuke couldn’t think of a more perfect moment in time than this, and sighed to himself. Yu tilted his head at him and squeezed his hand. “Something on your mind, Yosuke?”
Yosuke stopped and stared out at the ocean. The lights from the hotel and the numerous stars reflected off of the waves’ crests. “What’s the special occasion, partner? The new clothes, the private table, and this menu alone is enough to make a guy faint. I mean, I know I graduated and all, but, come on, this is a little extravagant, isn’t it?”
Yu just shook his head and held his hand tighter. “You deserve the world, Yosuke. I would spend my last yen to see you smiling every day from now until forever. You’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had, and I couldn’t ask for a more perfect partner in life and in love.” Yosuke just stared, at a total loss for words, which was a real feat.
The silver haired man took a deep breath. “Yosuke, I love you, so, so much. We’ve been through literally hell and back, and you’ve been at my side for it all. I want to ask you to be my partner for the rest of our lives, too.” He reached into his pocket. Yosuke’s mouth went dry as he watched Yu kneel down in front of him.
“Yosuke Hanamura?”
“Y-yeah?”
The box in Yu’s hand clicked open, revealing a silver band with a line of topaz and diamonds set into it. He could see his partner’s hand wobble a little as he took another shaky breath.
“Will you marry me?”
And what could Yosuke do but say yes?