Work Text:
Five years.
Renya peers through his glasses to inspect his hand, his wrist twisting in the sun-dappled light. The polished floors, the curtains waving against the windows, the hum of chatter undercutting the room.
The glasses. It was strange, at first, looking through them again in this simulacrum. He had exited his pod blinking in the blue light of the machinery, waiting for a bout of nearsightedness that never came. He took his glasses off, and the false world blurred again. Strange. He was several inches shorter. Inspecting his arm, his simulated skin smooth and clear.
His old notebook rested heavy in his pocket, filled with meticulous notes on what he could and couldn’t trust. Renya put his mind at work now through the work of giving AI breathing, human bodies. He flipped through the notebook’s cream pages, tracing his finger down from the top to the bottom of the page; these mysteries were over, now, and instead, he would continue to unravel neurobiological mysteries of the human mind in the act of creating life.
“Gouto-kun."
Renya’s eyes flicked downwards. It was unlike him to reminisce.
Shinonome-kun stood at his side, her wide-set gray eyes darting from the windows, back to him, to the exit.
“Being here again makes me feel nauseous,” she said.
Shinonome of 2188 sabotaged the new world out of misanthropy. Light-years after, Shinonome wanted only to atone for those sins. Renya still admired her in the low light of the lab they had constructed. Okino would pop in, sometimes, and the others visited to make sure they ate and slept, but most days it was the two of them alone together. It reminded him of middle school, studying at the same desk without speaking. Renya had the gall to remind himself that there was no war anymore. The pit in his stomach that screamed for efficiency produced his worries back at him as the output and he would proceed to work.
“I know exactly what you mean,” frowned Renya. “We’re meeting Morimura-san two hours from now. Shall we get to the park early?”
“Gouto-kun. We have two hours. Would it kill you to have fun for once?” Shinonome’s eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms.
“I haven’t had fun in years,” Renya deadpanned.
“I told Amiguchi-kun I’d meet up with him. It’s been a while, even in the real world." Shinonome lifted her leather school bag from her desk and slung it over her shoulder. He watched as she reached in her bag to check for something, sighing in relief, yet coming up empty-handed.
“The pills aren’t there.”
“Mhmm. And I’m not bandaged, either. Universal Control must take our current appearances into account…” Shinonome glanced at Renya. His eyes always lingered on hers for a little too long. He couldn’t say anything. Especially not to this Shinonome.
“It doesn't reflect our current age but it analyzes our current states. I’ll meet you at the park. Don’t be early,” Shinonome teases, leaving the classroom before he could manage a witty reply.
Shinonome needed her space. Renya liked to keep himself at an arms length, watching her from afar. They hadn’t had an honest conversation since Shinonome suffered critical nanomachine damage. And, well, when had they spoken about emotions before then? When she had broken up with him? The two used each other; for business or otherwise. That time in middle school made a pit nestled in Renya’s stomach of grief and guilt. He was cold and possessive. Dependent and weak. A contradiction, as Shinonome strung him along.
What was he to do in this world? His ‘parents’ weren’t real, but they were chronically absent. The food wasn’t real. The “real” people that occupied the simulation—he didn’t have much to say to them. He didn’t have any fond memories. He only had the pursuit of truth, and he had found that truth already.
Renya left the classroom, past the signs posted up on the bulletin boards at the stairwell, past the faceless, nameless students copy-pasted over from a million-year-old video game. He took a deep breath at the bottom of the stairs.
A short first-year brushed past him. Her face looked as indistinguishable as the rest.
“Oh! Gouto-senpai!” Ah.
“What was your day like?” She asked, innocently enough. She was a close friend of Fuyusaka-san and Tomi-san. She had delicate white flowers braided into her hair, and soft features. He had to flip through his notebook for her name…
“Sawatari-san. Same as always. Universal control had a sick sense of humor making someone as awkward as Renya Gouto the heartthrob of Sakura high. He could hardly fathom the swarms of first and second years he had to dodge between classes. Was it because he was 'mysterious?' That just meant there was no substance beneath his exterior. Those girls liked an image of him. They would not like the person underneath.
"You look well,” he faltered.
“You don’t,” Sawatari pouted at him, and he felt like he kicked a puppy. “Everyone’s been acting so strange today.”
“Oh?”
“You usually look stern. Today you just look sad.”
"I don't see a difference. How about the others?”
“Iori-chan and Usami-chan gave me the biggest hug in the hallway—I don’t get it, they were in class a few minutes ago—and then Ogata-kun came around, and, well…” Sawatari waved her hands frantically as she spoke. She stopped talking with her hands to play with the end of her braid, running her fingers through it.
“I think Iori-chan got together with that boy she liked, but Usami-chan started dating Ogata-kun! I’ve known him since elementary school—I thought he would have told me he liked her. But, I guess he’s always been the impulsive type. I dunno if they’ll last.”
Gouto chuckled at that. They had been married for three years.
It was uncanny how everyone exited the pod paired in twos, hand-in-hand. They were naked with their feet in the tall grass. He and Shinonome drifted together and he had put his hand in hers, alone and embittered, taking some sort of stand while blending in amongst the lovebirds. He knew how Sawatari felt. Both of the women he actually loved were gone. A man could be an island.
“Anyway—Something’s going on. I know you’re student council president, and you get such good grades—do you think you could help me get to the bottom of this? Ooh, like a detective novel!”
Renya obliged the collection of algorithms. It was potentially dangerous that she had caught on. Perhaps he could mislead her on her way.
“I’ll join you.”
“Wha—I thought you’d be busy! Thank you so, so much!” Sawatari bowed a little bit. Her red cheeks stood out against her blonde hair. That color in the light almost looked like—
“We should get going. I am busy. I have an hour or so.”
“Oh,” Sawatari’s face fell, and picked right back up again upon some shallow realization. “I think that’ll be enough time! Where should we go, Sherlock?”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Okay! I won’t!” Sawatari grinned at him, leading the two through the halls. The envious eyes of construct first-years bored into Sawatari, and she skipped onwards, oblivious. Renya felt like a piece of meat.
“I already asked Yakushiji-chan—I don’t think Usami-chan knows that I know they’re friends, but I do. She didn’t say anything. She hugged Kurabe-kun for, like, ten minutes. She was crying, too.” The girl looked up expectantly at Renya for information.
“That seems to be consistent among the people you interview.” Access denied.
“I thought about finding that boy Iori-chan is with, but he seems like the mysterious type. The short one? Do you know him? I can understand the appeal of mysterious guys.” Sawatari said with a glint in her eye. Renya couldn’t detect what that meant.
“Let’s get something to eat,” Renya diverted. Anyone in that group could blurt out the events of the past five years. He didn’t want to traumatize the poor girl. He could divert her attention and visit a restaurant close to the park to ensure he’d be early for their meeting.
“Totally! I know the best spots in the city. It’s a good thing I have my bag.”
They passed a scruffy black-and-white stray as they left the gate.
When things got too quiet, Sawatari broke the silence with a story or an observation. Her and Kisaragi at the oden stand. Her fishing Ogata out of a river after he’d fallen in. The day she met Fuyusaka. Her summers at her grandmother’s. Normally, when he was forced to interact with the AI inside of the city, he played a little game. What was at the end of the loop, and when would they run out of text? Sawatari didn’t. Renya nodded as she pointed out a pretty flower, or a cute dog on the sidewalk. He didn’t feel alone, even if the conversation was one-sided.
Sawatari settled on a sit-in café famous for its shortcakes. The first-year picked out a piece of cheesecake drizzled with chocolate from the display of treats. Renya insisted he didn’t want anything—but Sawatari picked out coffee jelly for him, and paid.
“It suits you,” she explained. Did she ever stop smiling?
The two sat down. Renya's shoulders ached. A shame how that had felt so real.
“You know...Now that we aren’t alone…”
Did it feel awkward previously? Renya's head began to hurt.
“I know what happened, Gouto-senpai.” Sawatari spoke gently.
“What do you mean?” A migraine, coming on.
“Don’t play dumb! I know. I mean, I thought we went back to the future—and there’s a bunch of me from different timelines—and I’m not very good at explaining it,” she interrupted herself to take a glum bite of cheesecake.
“And you’ll ask how I know! I remember the attack. That little girl—I knew something was off. She looked like Iori-chan, but she talked like an adult. I asked her how she knew so much, and she explained everything on the way to that underground UFO, and she thought I was too dumb to put it together—and I didn’t go in the UFO, but I didn’t think she’d take us all back to the future where the Kaiju destroyed everything already. Or, was it…” Sawatari rested her hand against her cheek.
“I…See.”
“Oh! I got it. Okay. So It wasn’t the future. And she backed us all up to some area, and saved us—and I’m kind of a person, but not really—and it’s been a very long time without all of you. Time passes, but it also doesn't, for us.”
“It’s…Alright. You don’t have to.”
“Gouto-senpai…”
Renya wanted to say something, anything. She was exactly right. He had underestimated her. He hadn't been the one to break the news of reality. Instead, he had to come to terms with her situation. An AI, neglected for years, after processing a complete redefinition of her identity.
“I suppose we cope in similar ways.”
“What do you mean?”
“By seeking the truth.”
“How could I not? My friends were gone. At least I had Chihiro-chan, and she understood what was going on."
“Do you two know each other?”
“We talk sometimes.” Sawatari gazed out of the window.
“…Has she mentioned me?”
“A little. She’s proud of you.” Sawatari’s warm brown eyes locked onto his. His glasses couldn't shield him from that knowing look, and Renya Gouto fell defeated, vulnerable.
“She…What?” His voice cracked.
“She said you guys did it. Everything’s okay now. Including, um…Well, Morimura-sensei. The other one. It’s really confusing, but… She said you two were…Close.”
Renya Gouto had bottled up emotion for years. It only got in the way of his means to an end. He corroborated with the killer of the woman he loved—Morimura. Her strength, her wits, her hair flowing in the wind with that determined expression on her face and a phaser in her hand. He could feel the night wind. She was gone.
It hurt worse knowing that she wasn’t. Chihiro Morimura was only data now, like the girl sitting before him. The oak table felt real. He could taste the coffee jelly. But the part of his brain that he both relied on and hated reminded him of the simulacrum.
“Please, excuse me—”
“No!” Sawatari shouted, drawing the looks of a few concerned customers. She cleared her throat, back to her breathy and sweet tone.
“She told me that too. That it would be hard for you. Because, you loved her.” Now Sawatari was nearly in tears. The two walked a wire that would soon break. Who would cry first?
“I’m so selfish…” Sawatari laughed. She had won—or lost? She used her sleeve to wipe away her tears.
“You don’t know who I am, and I don’t know you. It took me five years to work up the courage to say something.”
“After all I’ve done, you’d hardly know the first thing about being selfish.” Renya grimaced, acid building in his throat. He removed his glasses to wipe off the tears with a microfiber cloth.
“You saved everyone.”
“I saved everyone, and I don’t feel a thing. I’m not done yet. Not until I can bring every person living in this city into the new earth.”
“I like you.” The words tumbled from Sawatari’s mouth.
“You like the person I was.” Renya responded.
“I wanna know the person you are now, then.” Sawatari corrected.
Sawatari was sweet. Naïve. Someone who loved him. Renya could be selfish, this once, and feel loved. He could learn to love her. Sawatari—no, Miwako—was soft in the ways Chihiro and Ryoko were hardened by sadness, by pain. Sawatari was a girl that braided her hair with flowers. She cared about him. They sat in silence. The white café curtains billowed in the wind, and the patrons continued. Just a lover’s spat to the barista brewing coffee. But Renya didn't know her.
Then, Renya remembered. Ida. If the Professor had recovered Chihiro, the professor could have accessed Chihiro's data. Renya remembered the way Ida strung Ryoko along in his plans, with promises of love and affection withheld. Ryoko was so young, then, she wouldn’t have known—Renya’s heart sunk. Miwako, mentally, was that same age.
Only now, Renya had a choice to make. He was to manipulate this poor girl years younger than him and string her along to make himself feel better—or deny himself the one person offering him love or attention. Renya could become the monster that Ida was, or he could step above it all. He made the choice that he always did, and put the plan over himself.
“Sawatari-san. I…Couldn’t.”
“I think I understand.” She began to get up from her seat, her hand reaching for her bag.
“You don’t need to leave. Let me explain—”
“I get it.” Such a soft voice could hold such anger.
“I’m older than you—”
“I’ve been fifteen for millions of years!"
“I’m taking advantage of your feelings.” Renya concluded. “You have these feelings for me—but we don’t know each other. For a moment there, I wanted to lie, and take advantage of your kindness."
Miwako sat back down, her eyes blank.
“You’re kind. I rarely speak like this to anyone. You’re perceptive, and you care deeply about those you love. If I were to become involved in an arrangement like this, I would skew the power dynamic. I don’t want to use someone like you.”
Miwako opened her mouth to speak, and decided against it. She finished her cheesecake as Renya spoke.
“I’m sorry. It has been a very long time. You should let your friends know that you know. They could catch you up on what happened far better than I could...I don't speak to them very much."
“…Are you married, too, Gouto-senpai?”
“I’m not married. Nor am I 'with' anyone. I don’t know if I’m suited for it. I have been working.”
“Running the new Earth must be hard."
“With the few people we have, yes. I’m working to restore your AI and recreate it as a physical brain. In other words, Shinonome-kun and I are working to bring all of you into this new world with us. You deserve it.”
“…Really? And, Shinonome-senpai—”
Renya managed a small smile for the girl. “It isn’t anything like that, I can assure you. We ‘dated’ in middle school, if you could call it that. She lost her memories.”
“Mm. So you don’t have any closure?”
The girl could read him like a book but she zeroed in only on matters of the heart. “I…Suppose. We work together, as associates. It was always a matter of business.”
Renya’s eyes wandered to the analog clock in a corner of the café, just above the bathroom door. He had forty-five minutes to make it to the park.
“Do you need to go already?"
“How did you know?”
Miwako smiled, melancholy.
“Chihiro-chan kept mentioning it. I think she was looking forward to it, but she wouldn’t admit that.”
“That sounds like her.”
“Gouto-senpai, before you go…”
Miwako stood up. Renya stood up in turn, and she pressed a flat object into his hands. A photograph of himself.
“I used to like photography….I hope this isn't creepy.”
He tucked it into his notebook. He could use its back as another sheet to write with. Or he could honor this memory.
“Thank you.”
“And, um, now that you can go here…I’d like to tell Iori-chan and Usami-chan that I know what happened. Tell them to come visit me? I think Usami-chan said something about kids—if they could visit, they would be so cute! And, well—”
“Yes?” He found that he had to be patient to understand her tangents.
“You should visit me, too. Not because I confessed, or anything, but it might be hard talking to the others about your feelings. You can come visit, and maybe you could tell me how you feel about what happened.”
Renya Gouto stood up, tucked his journal into his pocket with the photo as a bookmark. The sun started to set, illuminating the white curtains and warm wood of the café. Sunsets were nostalgic wherever they took place, even in such a simulacrum.
“I should,” he said, out of the café, and into the watercolor sunlight.