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Jingnu knows that it’s been a long week for Qi Yan. It’s apparent in the dark bags underneath her husband’s eyes. Jingnu doesn’t know what makes Qi Yan so worn out like this since she knows his work at the court has not yet touched its worst, yet her husband walks into their bedroom chamber with his shoulders slump and eyelids drooping as if he was about to drop to the floor right then and there.
Jingnu decides that she would ask about it later.
“Your Highness, this subject has had a long day at work today. May this subject be allowed for a few hours of rest?” Qi Yan apparently still has the energy to ask Jingnu politely, as if he wasn’t already welcome to do as he pleases around her.
“Yes, of course you can, Qi Yan. Come, I’ll help you out of your attire.” Jingnu offers to which Qi Yan immediately declines.
“This subject dares not to make Your Highness do such a thing. Let me get undressed by myself.”
Jingnu sighs but lets Qi Yan do as he wishes. The last thing Jingnu wants is to make Qi Yan feel uncomfortable. Jingnu shifts her gaze away as Qi Yan takes off the most outer layer of his attire, turning her attention to the book Qi Yan gifted her earlier this week. She hasn’t been able to finish it due to her being busy redecorating and checking around the palace, but now that her husband is about to rest and she has nothing to do until dinner time, she might as well continue where she left off.
“Your Highness,” a soft voice pulls her out of her trance. “This subject will sleep now.”
Jingnu smiles at Qi Yan from where she is sitting. “Go ahead, Fuma. Have a good rest. I will wake you up before dinner time.”
“Thanks to Your Highness.”
Jingnu hums in acknowledgement and opens up the book to read. The book Qi Yan gave her is about two sisters who got separated when they were kids and the little sister got adopted by a families who were accomplices of the people that killed her parents. Although she can’t imagine this happening in real life, she’s still very engrossed in the tale for hours. Before she realizes it, the sky has turned a shade darker.
As she reads, she couldn’t help but imagine how she would feel if this story happened to her and Nangong Shunu. Would she fight through enemies and betray her family just to be reunited with her blood sister? Even if she and Nangong Shunu did not come from the same mother, they were still related by blood. Would Jingnu be able to take it well if she was the one who got separated from her sister?
She tries to imagine her father dying, too, since both of the sisters’ parents were killed in the book. Mother was already gone, so it doesn’t hurt as much, but her father is still very much healthy and alive.
Without realizing it, a tear has fallen from her eye. The more she pictures her father on his deathbed and her sister taken away from her, tiny sobs escape her throat. Her heart hurts so much to the point that she has to close the book and take a few deep breaths.
Jingnu grabs a cushion beside her and buries her face there to muffle her sobs. She doesn’t want to be loud. The thing with Qi Yan is that he is a very light sleeper, she has witnessed this with her own eyes. He can wake up to the faintest noise and Jingnu doesn’t want her sobs to alarm her resting husband.
Jingnu cries for a few more minutes before it subdues to little gasps and shaky breath. Unfortunately, all of her efforts to stay quiet becomes vain when her hand accidentally knocks the book beside her. It falls to the floor with a loud sound, immediately alerting her husband awake.
“Your Highness?” Qi Yan asks sleepily. When Jingnu doesn’t reply, Qi Yan sits up to look at her. He must have seen how red her eyes and nose are and he’s quick on his feet to sit by Jingnu’s side. He asks again, this time it’s laced with worry. “Your Highness? Are you alright?”
Jingnu smiles at Qi Yan. “I am fine.”
“Your Highness is crying, how is that fine?” Qi Yan protests, his hand going up to wipe another tear that has fallen. The gesture brings warmth into Jingnu’s heart and she lays her head on Qi Yan’s shoulder who immediately puts his arm around Jingnu’s.
They embrace each other silently on the large sofa.
“I cried because of the book you gave me.” Jingnu admits, her voice a little muffled through Qi Yan’s shoulder.
“This subject deserves death… This subject only wishes to broaden Your Highness’ knowledge and awareness, not to bring her to tears.” Jingnu hears Qi Yan take a deep breath, as if this revelation is just as hard to take for him even though it isn’t that big of a deal. Feeling sad after reading a heartbreaking tale is normal, is it not?
Jingnu shakes her head. “You are not at fault, Qi Yan. In fact, the book did teach me a lot of things.”
Qi Yan chuckles lowly above her, hopefully relieved that Jingnu isn’t blaming him for anything. “What did Your Highness learn?”
Jingnu sighs. “I learned that for some people, blood family comes before anything. At first I was confused and disturbed that she would go such length and even kill the foster family that raised and cared for her just to reunite with her sister and avenge her parents.”
At this, she feels Qi Yan flinch. After waiting for a response that never comes, Jingnu continues. “I don’t condone the killing, I could never, but slowly as I read through the book, I started to understand her reasons. I even find myself thinking that I would most likely do the same thing she did if I were in her shoes.”
Qi Yan is strangely quiet above her. Does he think Jingnu is disgusting for even thinking about such things? But he was the one who gave Jingnu the book. So why is he so quiet now? “Qi Yan?”
Her husband hums and moves his hand up to caress Jingnu’s head. “Your Highness does not need to imagine those things. Emperor Father is well protected and as is the Second Sister. Your Highness has nothing to worry about.”
Jingnu then feels Qi Yan’s warm lips on her forehead, dropping a faint kiss there. Jingnu sighs into it as her previous thoughts enter her mind once more.
“I don’t want to lose Emperor Father nor er-jie to get hurt…” Jingnu says quietly, as if she doesn’t actually want her husband to hear.
Qi Yan hears it anyway.
All of this is happening without Jingnu’s knowledge, but Qi Yan’s heart is bleeding from the inside. Guilt is seeping through her flesh and bones.
“No one ever wishes to lose the people that they love, Your Highness.” Says Qi Yan to Jingnu.
“I don’t want to lose you either, Qi Yan.”
“This subject is not going anywhere.”
Oh, Your Highness… How are you going to survive the excruciating pain of when I take away your loved ones one by one?
In the darkness of their room, Qi Yan wishes both of them to be stronger for the devastating catastrophe that will inevitably come.