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The top three rules to live as Michelangelo seemed pretty simple. First of all, always smile, no matter what you truly feel. Keep being positive and goof around to lighten up the mood even if you don't feel like it.
However, they were easier said than done. There were days when Mikey just wanted to have to stop smiling, to let himself be sad, angry, or just not in the mood for once. His emotions were an internal struggle, one he couldn't get help with. Especially from his brothers. There was a silent pact between them - Mikey was the heart of the family and when someone was feeling down, it was his job to help. It wasn't official, things just ordered in that way. It was his role in the family.
If Raph was breaking under the pressure of his role as a leader and oldest brother, there was always Mikey to drag him to his feet and show him fascination. If Leo was tearing himself apart with self-doubt or Donnie was feeling alone, like a burden, there was always a hug from Mikey to make them better.
He knew his brothers were there for him, but he couldn't let them know. What would happen when the brightest was taken down by darkness? The family anarchy would break, that was what. If it cracked, they would be left in the unknown and everyone seemed happy as it was now. So Mikey kept everything that wasn't happiness or anything positive bottled up and pushed deep down in himself, letting them come out only when the team needed them to.
The only place where Mikey let it all out was his room and when he was sure that the others wouldn't come barging in. Fortunately, he cried silently by nature, and for someone to notice, they have to be in the room itself.
His brothers never suspected anything. If it seemed like Mikey spend an unusually long time into his room, they would think he had another fit of inspiration and didn't check up on him, not wanting to interrupt his creative process. Since they were young, Mikey had figured out that his artistic hobbies were a great cover and had made sure to show his brothers that he didn't want to be disturbed when drawing. It worked perfectly fine throughout the years and it still did.
"You are like a damn kamikaze, Michael. I have told you not to touch my stuff!" Donnie exclaimed, annoyed by his younger brother to no end. Mikey didn't mean to ride down the purple-clad turtle's newest invention. He was just bored and extremely curious about what Donnie was working on for the past few days.
"I am sorry, I just wanted to-" He managed to explain, but was immediately cut out by his angry brother.
"Just get out!" Donnie raised his voice while trying to pick up all the little parts from his invention scattered on the ground.
Figuring that there wasn't much he could say to his brother and by trying to help, Donnie would just get madder, Mikey left the workshop, his head bowed down.
'Stupid Mikey, why did you have to ruin it?' He scolded himself mentally. He really was a walking disaster, either hurting himself with acrobatic tricks or ruining Donnie's stuff. 'Why do I always have to destroy everything?'
"Hey Mikey, are you all right?" Leo's calm voice full of care snapped him out of his thoughts and the younger turtle straightened his back, raising his head to meet his brother's eyes as well.
He dragged himself away from the deep core of his mind he had fallen in and put on a familiar smile. "Yeah, completely," He assured Leo, giving him a thumbs up.
"You looked kinda sad," The blue-loving turtle tried to delve back into the problem, but Mikey didn't let him. Rule number one - always smile, no matter what. So he did keep smiling and talking with a casual, cheerful tone.
"Who me? Nah, I just zoned out for a bit," He waved his hand and Leo nodded in response. By the look on his face, he bought it.
"Okay then, tonight we will have a Lou Jitsu movie marathon. I and Raph just discussed it," The older turtle informed with a big grin of his own.
"Cool, I am picking up the snacks."
"I gotta tell Donnie. We will start in around two hours at most. Raph's talking to Dad about the TV."
"Great," Mikey smiled again and Leo patted him on the shoulder while passing past him, returning the bright smile. 'I have two hours.'
He closed the door to his room once he entered and stepped towards his hammock bed. Mikey lied down, face buried in the pillow. As he waited just a couple of seconds longer for a knock or any indicator that he would be disturbed but didn't receive any, he let the suppressed tears well up in his eyes and spill down on the soft material of the pillow. He cried silently, as always, letting every negative emotion from the day out with every salty tear.
He sobbed because he always ruined stuff and because sometimes he felt useless and weak. And he cried and cried until there was nothing left to cry out. Almost two hours had passed and it was time for the movies. As usual, Mikey got up and made his bed as it was before, dried his eyes, and spattered his face with cold water to hide the tear stains. The turtle then left his room and headed to the kitchen to prepare the snacks, as he had promised, as if he hadn't cried out his eyes dry just a few minutes prior.
It never showed when he had been crying. He just needed a few minutes to regain himself after that and no one would suspect anything. Mikey was a professional in hiding the effects of his breakdowns.
Generally, Michelangelo didn't have a problem with the way things were, even if he felt under pressure. He kept his brothers happy and that was all he wanted. Nothing else really mattered.
"Food is here!" He proclaimed joyfully, pumping one fist in the air.
"Woohoo!" His brother shouted in excitement.
Mikey jumped on the coach and handled the bowl with the popcorn and the pizza box to Raph, who was sitting in the middle and that way everyone could eat. The smallest turtle noticed Donnie's rather sad expression and snuggled next to him, wanting to lighten him up and show him he wasn't mad. He easily assumed that his mood was connected to their little accident earlier. Donnie, who felt guilty for shouting at his younger brother, tensed surprised but smiled as Mikey rested his head on his shoulder. There were no words needed between the two of them.
That was Michelangelo's life. He constantly had to be happy. In that way, he contributed to the team. The need to always stay positive, even in the darkest moments, was putting a lot of pressure on him and he would break down and cry, but he would always do it in secret. Everyone carried a burden - that was his. When he didn't feel joy, he would just put on the mask of happiness he had carefully crafted throughout the years and simply go on.
This was his contribution to the team. And for his brothers to him, it was all worth it. If his smiles and jokes could pull them through the pain and hopeless times, he would keep doing it no matter what. Happy for ever after.