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Komaeda’s staring into the bathroom mirror, into the skeleton he’s become. He can’t lie to himself anymore; everything about him is unhealthy, but he’s gotten better at it. He’s been eating better, he’s been getting work done, he’s done good.
But…
There’s always these days, days where old habits die hard and it’s hard to cut them loose.
That brings him back to this moment, where he stares at his body, tired of hating it but can’t seem to stop. He pulls at his waistband, stares at his stomach, stares at the ribs that shine through like a chandelier.
He hears Hinata walk by and he hears him stop. He can feel eyes on him, sending quiet daggers to his head.
“Komaeda?” he calls out.
Komaeda smiles. He can hear her words like a splitting headache.
You look prettier smiling, Komaeda-senpai.
“You know,” Komaeda’s hand goes to rest on his shoulder, giving it a soft rub. “I don’t like my body too much.”
Hinata doesn’t say anything. Komaeda breaks eye contact with himself and goes to look at Hinata.
“You’re rather pretty, Hinata-kun.” he coos. “But I can imagine that doesn’t sound flattering.”
Hinata only huffs out a sigh and walks over to Komaeda. He looks back into the mirror the other was observing himself in and stares, quietly.
“Why don’t you like your body, Komaeda?” he asks, almost reluctant. It’s always reluctant, Komaeda thinks.
But it doesn’t matter. He just laughs and lets himself wallow in a moment's worth of hatred.
“Because she loved it.” he begins. “And you- Kamakura-kun, he loved it, too. They both would touch without permission, do things without permission, and I would let them. He had no sense of bounderies, but Enoshima-san was worse with it.”
He can feel Hinata’s mood draining and he laughs louder, carefree. He moves his hand to reach Hinata’s cheek, laying it flat.
“Hinata-kun is so kind to me, though.” He rubs the tension out of Hinata’s face before continuing. “He asks before he does anything, he doesn’t make inappropriate comments and makes me feel loved.”
Hinata leans into the touch and Komaeda’s smile becomes more genuine and his voice weakens. “I don’t deserve that.”
Hinata stares longer into the mirror and Komaeda follows his gaze. Komaeda watches Hinata’s hand get tangled with his own and lands into the white, tangled clouds. Komaeda appreciates the gestures thoroughly.
“Why did you let them, Komaeda?” he asks quietly.
“Because I didn’t know it was wrong until you came around,” Komaeda’s eyes fall shut and he sighs. “Didn’t have a choice, either. She would whine until I gave her what she wanted.”
Hinata falls silent again, only for a moment.
“And Kamakura?”
“Hmm?”
“Did he do that, too?”
Komaeda shakes his head and his smile falls. “No, no, Hinata-kun. If I said no, he wouldn’t mind. He was too kind, whining would be too boring of a task to him, I think.”
Hinata is silent again. Komaeda knows what that means.
So he sighs and turns, wrapping his arms around Hinata’s neck. He litters tiny kisses on the other’s jawline, humming.
“You are not him anymore, Hinata-kun.” he whispers.
“It still feels like it.” Hinata whispers back.
“I know.”
Hinata moves to hover his hands over Komaeda’s waist. When Komaeda nods, he lays them to rest and starts rocking the both of them, back and forth.
“It could be worse, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda nuzzles into his neck. “I am rather lucky.”
“Could be better.” Hinata retorts.
“That’s a very negative way of thinking.”
Hinata knows. Komaeda knows. But, they stay together in the bathroom, rocking back and forth to a soundless song.