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Dina looked so beautiful, so goddamn beautiful.
The way she smiled at Syd made her feel as though she was going to collapse onto the hall’s linoleum floor and never get back up again. The rose-pink dress flowed down to her calves, its colour matching the flushed tint on both their cheeks, brushing against Sydney’s hand as it itched to hold Dina’s. They both padded through the gym’s doors, and Sydney’s heart threatened to jump through her chest.
She could feel non-existent gazes drawn to the both of them, shivering slightly under the inferiority. But it seemed that when Dina looked to her, the auditorium would start spinning just a little bit more, and the people around them would just disappear. And it was just Syd and Dina. Alone; alone together.
The smiles displayed on each of their faces were brighter than all of the hanging fairy lights combined. Sydney thought she’d never smiled just as much as she had at that moment.
But then she looked around, seen all the people around them, seeing their own smiles, thinking about the looks of disgust which were probably behind their facades. Then she had seen Stan, with his date, who wasn’t even keeping a mask over her contempt.
Stan, god, he made her feel so guilty. He had been so nice to her since everything that had happened. From that day in the bowling alley, to everything which happened in the fucking library. Guilt had started gnawing away at her.
She separated, unwillingly, from Dina’s side, offering her a sheepish grin, making her way up to the bleachers. She plopped herself in the empty spot beside Stan, nudging him with her shoulder.
“I thought you weren’t coming?” He turned his head, away from Syd, looking out to the dancefloor.
“Me neither,” she said, looking to him, hoping for him to catch onto her smug grin; yet he continued looking onwards.
She felt as though she was the one carrying the conversation, and, for once, she actually wanted it to continue. She wouldn’t stop trying to make him talk until he smiled back, until they could go back to being friends.
She wished that she could return his feelings, truly. She wished that she could grin back at him with something more than mere friendship. But her eyes scanned the open hall and her gaze fell on Dina again. The halo above her head seemed to stand out against anyone else, and she knew, it was always going to be her.
“I’m here with Dina.” She couldn’t hold back as the edges of her lips curled upwards, and she couldn’t help but laugh as Stan cocked his head and raised his eyebrows at her. They were going to be okay.
Hands entwined, they made their way over to Dina, who’s uncomfortable expression immediately turned into a grin at the two of them.
And that stung. In all honesty it stung more than seeing Stan’s heartbreak painted so clearly on his face.
It stung because she really didn’t deserve that smile.
Even when Dina and Brad were together, she always had that smile reserved solely for Syd. One where her eyes lit up in an instant, trained just on her, curling the edges of her lips upwards.
She didn’t deserve that smile because she could still remember that look of pure shock painted upon Dina’s face that night, the way the both of them had jumped up and out of that bed, just staring at each other, eyes laced with confusion. The sounds of joy division making their way to her ears, drowning out the persistent ringing she could hear.
She could still feel the tingles of Dina’s soft breath across her neck, the way their hands curled together. She could still feel the ghost of her lips pressed on hers.
She could remember the instant flash of realisation as it weaved its way through her veins, messing with the signals in her brain as though they were electrical wires caught in a storm. And in the frenzy, she had rushed out of the door.
That was a week ago, and now she stood staring at the other girl as flickers of colours danced around them.
“Want to go and dance?” Dina had asked: eyes hopeful, smile playful. Syd hesitated, it wasn’t as though she would ever say no, as if she ever could say no. But she froze in the heat of the moment, heart skipping a beat as her eyes traced the girl’s, as if searching for any underlying meaning there could ever be.
“Sure.”
Dina’s hand gripped hers, tugging her into the crowd. Usually, Sydney would’ve been sent into a flurry, the masses of people causing her shoulders to cower inwards before forcing her to run away, anywhere but there. Yet, the comforting feeling of Dina’s palm against hers grounded her.
So, she didn’t.
Her hand felt cool, balancing the hot, flushed skin of Sydney’s. They always seemed to contrast to one another, even here on the dancefloor. Dina’s dainty heels and Sydney’s shoddy converse; Dina’s pretty, princess-dress and Sydney’s musty, old one. Sydney couldn’t see what Dina saw in her, even if it was just as a friend. Especially after having all the guys in the school practically on their knees begging Dina to be their date, and having Brad doing all he could to get her back.
Brad. Stupid Brad and his slicked back hair and his football jacket. Stupid Brad with the smug smirk that Sydney wanted to wipe clean off his face with a quick punch. She’d thought about it way too often in a span of the month that Dina and he had been dating. Sometimes she even found herself with clenched fists, narrowed eyes, seething through her teeth as she got carried away watching him and the way he looked at her.
But she shouldn’t think about that now. Because now, she was the one here with Dina, and Brad was nowhere in sight. It was just her and Dina.
However, all thoughts scattered as soon as she felt the lengths of Dina’s fingers pressing themselves into her neck, slowly curling around her, pulling her closer. She was then consumed in everything she was.
Dina smelt of sea salt and vanilla, mingling with the sweetness of the strawberry perfume she had stolen from her mom’s dresser. God, Syd would drown in the smell of her if she could. She would let it envelop her lungs until the only thing she could breathe was Dina, and she wouldn’t mind if it suffocated her.
She rested her head against the crook of the other girl’s shoulder, eyes now closed, letting everything-Dina envelop her.
“Hey?” Dina’s words reverberated through her chest, sending shivers down Syd’s spine. Syd, who just hummed in response. “What’s happening with you recently?”
Syd lifted her head from its position, turning her gaze upwards to scan the girl in front of her. “What do you mean?”
She knew full well what Dina meant.
Dina knew she knew too, rolling her eyes before attempting to pull Syd back into her embrace. It took every muscle in Syd’s body to resist.
“You’ve been acting different,” The taller girl huffed, “Well there’s whatever happened in the library, and then you’ve been distancing yourself, and-“
She hesitated slightly before sighing and looking at Syd.
“Is it because of what happened at the party?”
Then, it was as though everyone in the hall had been silenced. The music drowned out and the ringing in her ears began to boil over, thrashing around in her brain. She opened her mouth to retort, to backup any point she could make to shy away the actual point, but she couldn’t find the words to say.
“I-“ She tried again, this time pulling further away from the other girl’s grasp. Her eyes fell downwards, stare landing on the way her hands were now clenched together. She didn’t dare look at Dina’s face, she could only imagine the concerned expression laced on her perfect features. And if she did look, she’d just want to kiss it away again. But that was what caused the problem in the first place.
Instead, she formed the only phrase she could.
“I’m sorry.”
And then she took off, running quickly back out of the auditorium doors.
She couldn’t look back, already embarrassed at the type of scene she caused. She couldn’t even look where she was going, tears burning her eyes, brimming over before falling across her flushed cheeks.
She hadn’t even noticed she was outside until the cold air crawled up he bare shoulder blades until she felt she could breathe again.
The cold was only for mere seconds before she could feel the heat of her powers twisting and turning at her fingertips again, but this time the burn was different. This time, the burn felt good. Instead of the feeling of restless sparks, this heat felt as though it was meant to be there. As though the heat lived and thrived in the bed of her skin. It thrived under the pressure of her confusion-addled brain, yet it still begged to be released.
And, this time, Syd would’ve let it. She would’ve let the destruction happen.
“Syd?”
But then again, she wouldn’t have.
“Syd?” Dina called again.
Syd paused mid step at the sound of her voice. Her knees buckled and she managed to hold out her hands to stop herself stumbling onto her face, gradually sitting cross legged onto the school steps.
Her breathing slowed slightly, her heartbeat still drumming through her.
“Hey, hey,” Dina’s voice got louder through the ringing before Syd could hear the clicking of her heels on the concrete. Her hand rested upon the girl’s hair, fingertips loosely stroking the strands, breaking Syd out of the prison of her thoughts. “I’m the sorry one, you have nothing to apologise for.”
Her voice sounded how hot chocolate tastes, so tantalisingly sweet, so mesmerizingly soothing.
“I have everything to be sorry for.” Her voice croaked out, triggering more tears.
“Nono, you don’t”
Dina released her hand from Syd’s hair, instead wrapping her arms around her shoulders, cushioning her cheek against the spot her hands were before. Despite the discomfort of the harsh cobble beneath them, Syd felt as though she could stay here for years; stay buried in Dina’s arms, hidden from the world. When all her subconscious was saying was that she needed to hide from Dina.
“Tell me anything,” Dina spoke, her voice soft still, “tell me everything.”
The sting of Syd’s powers rose again, bubbling the anger in her chest again.
“You can’t know,“ she whispered, bitter, slight venom escaping from behind her teeth. She twisted her head away from the other girl, clenching her fists tightly at her sides, attempting to cease her powers tingling at her fingertips, threatening to escape and cause an outburst.
“Oh really?” Dina bit back, resisting a scoff. “What couldn’t I know?”
Syd turned back to her, blue eyes meeting desperately pleading ones. She opened her mouth, but closed it again, unable to form any comprehensive words. Instead, her gaze fell, and she inhaled a sharp gasp of air.
“What?” Dina persists, this time her voice was the one on the verge of breaking, tears glistening in her eyes. She held her grip on tighter onto Syd, who wanted to struggle against the grasp, but all she could do was arch into it.
The touch now felt like acid on her skin, yet she couldn’t pull away. She begged for the heat rising through her to simmer, but with each second Dina’s soft touch rested on her, it rose further.
“You already do,” She managed to mumble, words barely audible over the hum of the music in the school behind them, then gradually she turned to lean into her hold, stares reluctantly meeting again.
Dina’s eyebrows furrowed before her eyes widened slightly. Her hand immediately loosened and dipped to her curls, timidly tugging at the few strands at the nape of her neck. “Oh.”
The small sound which was released from her lips did all but break Syd, who’s shoulders sunk, breathing rapidly increasing as though her chest was on the verge of collapsing.
“Oh?” She repeated, drawing out the syllable, trying to make sense of what that word meant. “Oh? So you don’t-“ She paused, voice wavering. She could feel the sting of more tears build up behind her eyelids as some slowly dribbled down her cheek, before she harshly wiped them away with her hand.
After a few moments of silence, her hand was then replaced with another. Instead of her calloused palm pressed hard against her skin, Dina’s smooth hand was now stroking it, tentatively swabbing away the liquid.
Syd needed to tear away from her but wanted nothing more than to surrender.
“I’m sorry.” Syd croaked again, lip wavering.
Dina chuckled softly behind her own tears. She shook her head, curls bouncing free from its clip to frame her cheeks.
“You need to stop saying sorry for things,” a small smile broke out from her lips, contagiously spreading to Syd’s.
She sniggered. “Okay, okay, Sorry.” Earning her a small nudge on the shoulder.
The moment went quiet again, the “Oh’s” still hanging in the open air around them.
Dina moved her hand to rest against Syd’s clenched one, slowly unclasping it’s fist, curling their fingers with one another. The smaller girl immediately looked down to their hands before moving her gaze upwards, scanning the other girl’s face.
“I didn’t mean the ‘oh’ that way, you know?” Dina began, keeping their stares trained on one another. She took in a deep breath, hesitating slightly before continuing. “I regret not kissing you back.”
It was as though the air around them suddenly disappeared and all Syd was breathing in was Dina.
“You do?”
“I do,” she clenches tighter around their interlocked hands. “But if I had kissed you back, I wouldn’t have been able to stop.”
The world around them disappeared.
And in a mere moment of silence, everything falls into place. She puts her hands on either side of Syd’s face, her cool palms complimenting her burning cheeks. Eyes only slightly peering at one another’s lips, yet the understanding fills both of them.
And then their lips meet.
At first, Syd’s eyes widened in surprise as she feels Dina’s lips on hers. Then, she gives in. She closes her eyes and gives in to all that is Dina.
And her lips are softer than anything she’s ever known, soft like a first snowfall, soft like cotton candy. And it’s so sweet, so effortlessly sweet, she feels like she could melt into it.
She no longer feels the ground beneath them, she can no longer hear the ringing in her ears. It’s just her and Dina. The world around them is gone, nothing matters but the girl sat in front of her. The girl who’s lips so tenderly press against hers, who’s smile now merges with Syd’s own.
And then the space between them explodes. Their hearts jumping from each of their chests, attempting to become one. Every single bit of emotion which Syd had struggled for so long to hide, no longer had to stay hidden. Instead, it’s released, poured so willingly out into the open.
And then there is no space between them. Hands are everywhere, pulling and grasping at one another, in any desperate attempt to pull the other’s body closer to theirs. Dina’s hands are at Syd’s waist, who arches her torso closer to Dina’s. Yet it’s not enough. Not at all.
Syd’s hands trace their way to her arms, then across her shoulders and around her neck. The heat of her powers had subsided, replaced by the heat of the moment. Her once-dangerous fingertips now airily fumbling with the silk skin of Dina’s jaw, tenderly caressing it in the yearning for it to be pulled closer in any way.
Their lips stayed tight against each other, moving in a way so rhythmical, as if it was familiar and they had been doing so forever. Syd felt like she could’ve done this forever.
Syd tasted her and realised she’d been starving.
They part, yet Syd stays rooted to the ground, attempting to memorise the feeling of Dina on her. Spinning whilst sitting, dizzy in both blood and bones, rapidly breathing, trying to grasp any air she could take in.
“Dina,” Is all she can say, lips now bruised in the best way possible, mind now addled with only the moments which just happened.
She looks to the other girl, eyes meeting instantly. A soft smile passes between them and Dina instantly knows.
She hums in response, as though a conversation had just happened, a slight laugh escapes her before she grasps Syd’s hand in hers again.
There they stay, comfortable silence blanketing the both of them. No words needed to be spoken, they understood. Just the warmth radiating from one another’s body in the attempt to still regain composure was all they needed.
And it was all going to be alright.