Chapter Text
And the tennis court was covered up
With some tent-like thing
And you asked me to dance
But I said, "Dancing is a dangerous game"
Oh, I thought
This is gonna be one of those things
Now I know
I'm never gonna love again
Before the word, Demogorgon conjured up images of nightmarish creatures and baseball bats were his weapon of choice. Things were simpler. An understatement, he knows. Simpler doesn’t begin to encompass life before.
Life before. Steve can barely remember it now.
He supposes before could only be marked by before he started dating Nancy. Before Barb disappeared. Drops of blood her last mark on the world. Before he found himself running back into the Byers’ home, no plan and fear tingling from the tip of his toes to the top of his spine.
In that, before there were basketball games, skipping school, and a place for him on the top of the totem pole of popularity. Girls flocked to him, guys pretended to care what he thought, and he could push that aching feeling of loneliness far, far down and use people to fill the space.
In this, after he’s forced to confront his childish behavior, to show compassion in ways he hasn’t before, and to mend the pieces of his own broken heart. It was nights like this he wished he still lived in the before.
I've got some tricks up my sleeve
Takes one to know one
You're a cowboy like me
Never wanted love
Just a fancy car
Now I'm waiting by the phone
Like I'm sitting in an airport bar
On a night when things had seemed comfortably normal and Steve was surrounded by teenagers all blissfully unaware of the horrors that were waiting for them just outside the door. Nancy had decided to get sloppily drunk and damage the facade of teenage love that he had been doggedly trying to preserve. Or maybe he had damaged it weeks before with his cockiness and cruelty. Or sometime in this after with his misplaced guidance. Either way it still hurt getting to this point.
It’s bullshit.
The words rattle around in his head. As he drives home he can think of nothing else but the look on her face and stain on her shirt. Red . That color continues to haunt him.
Red . All that was left of Barb.
Red . The color of the Christmas lights Steve still sees when he closes his eyes.
Red . The color of the stain on her shirt that led them to the bathroom.
You had some tricks up your sleeve
Takes one to know one
You're a cowboy like me
Perched in the dark
Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear
Like it could be love
I could be the way forward
Only if they pay for it
You're a bandit like me
Eyes full of stars
Hustling for the good life
Never thought I'd meet you here
It could be love
We could be the way forward
And I know I'll pay for it
As his house comes into view Steve realizes he doesn’t want to go inside. There’s nothing for him there except to sit alone in his room for sleep to come and it rarely does these days.
You're a cowboy like me
Perched in the dark
Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear
Like it could be love
I could be the way forward
Only if they pay for it
You're a bandit like me
Eyes full of stars
Hustling for the good life
Never thought I'd meet you here
It could be love
We could be the way forward
And I know I'll pay for it
Instead, at these late hours the fear he pushes to the side rams into him. When his eyes close and there’s only darkness Steve swears he loses all sense of composure. In this, after he is oh so lonely and now there is no one who can help him escape that feeling.
And the skeletons in both our closets
Plotted hard to fuck this up
And the old men that I've swindled
Really did believe I was the one
And the ladies lunching have their stories about
When you passed through town
But with that, it was all before I locked it down
Now you hang from my lips
Like the Gardens of Babylon
With your boots beneath my bed
Forever is the sweetest con
Steve knows in the before he wasn’t boyfriend material. He was used to doing the bare minimum and having it work out but again, he exists in this after now. In this after, there’s Nancy and she doesn’t let his mistakes slide, doesn’t shrug off his wickedness, and certainly doesn’t let him lie to her or himself. No. Nancy won’t tolerate bullshit and she made that clear tonight.
You’re bullshit.
The words that completely sobered him up.
Like we’re in love.
The words that forced him to let go of before.
I had some tricks up my sleeve
Takes one to know one
You're a cowboy like me
And I'm never gonna love again
I'm never gonna love again
I'm never gonna love again
God how stupid of him to think love could last in this after.