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"You taught me the courage of stars before you left.
How light carries on endlessly, even after death.
With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite.
How rare and beautiful it is to even exist."
-Saturn, Sleeping at Last
###
A shiver racks through Taehyung’s body as he makes his way across the lonely planet. Saturn brings with it a harsh cold, something Taehyung should’ve gotten used to eons ago but the numbness in his toes and fingers haven’t quite yet subsided.
Clenching his fists, he continues to move forward across the desolate plane. Taehyung can’t remember the last time he felt warm— the price of being a god, he thinks.
On nights where he can’t fall asleep, Taehyung will count the moons of Saturn— all one hundred and something of them. He usually falls asleep before finishing his count, not bothered enough to stay up and really figure out how many there actually are.
Taehyung has eternity, anyway.
He’ll sit on the edge of Saturn’s rings in search of Jupiter. Sometimes, he’ll sit for hours, just watching.
And when Taehyung can’t find the other planet, he’ll watch as the sun and moon dance around one another— watch as the stars burn brightly as if begging for a lover’s gaze.
Taehyung thinks it’s pathetic.
Jeongguk thought it was endearing.
They always had been quite opposite in their views. Where Taehyung had been cold, and stand-offish, Jeongguk was kind— the embodiment of warmth. Jeongguk is soaked in daylight, while Taehyung is covered in the night, yet both desperately yearn for an eclipse.
It’s been a while since he last saw Jeongguk. Like the rest of their meetings, their last one was fleeting. Jupiter comes by every once in a while, and until then, they stand at the edge of their own worlds with bated breaths.
Even as gods, their powers can only do so much. Taehyung has learned long ago that there are consequences for disrupting the balance of space and time and that no matter how badly he wants to, he can’t lessen the time until their next meeting.
It feels more like a punishment than great divinity, Taehyung broods.
Another stride through the fierce winds and Taehyung can’t help but feel exhaustion etch into his bones. He doesn’t have much farther to go yet here he is, cursing his body for giving out so soon.
Taehyung never knows where he’s headed. Everything on Saturn looks the same to him and despite his eternity spent on the planet, he has yet to remember his way around. Mainly relying on his own intuition, his feet move before he’s aware of their destination.
So as he drags himself to some metaphoric edge, he clambers through the rings of Saturn in hopes of seeing the only one he has ever loved.
Just over the horizon, Taehyung catches a glimpse of the planet. It’s always so much more daunting at this proximity, he thinks. Jupiter is only slightly larger than Saturn, but seeing it from afar serves as a stark reminder that Taehyung is so much smaller in the union of space and time.
Sometimes, it’s an intimidating reminder— that Taehyung can only do so much, even as a god. Other times, it’s grounding. Reminds Taehyung that despite his divinity, he is just as finite as any other entity which the sun touches.
He takes a closer look, impatience quickly melting into relief as he notices a silhouette in the distance.
Gathering his remaining energy, Taehyung stumbles towards Jeongguk and into his open arms.
“You’re here,” Taehyung breathes.
Jeongguk chuckles, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Did you miss me?”
Taehyung answers with a sniff— too overwhelmed to respond.
“It’s only been eight hundred years,” Jeongguk murmurs, lips grazing Taehyung’s neck. “That’s like, nothing to us immortals.”
“Are you saying you didn’t miss me?” he teases.
Jeongguk scoffs. “Every second passed without you by my side is another eternity I’ve been damned to,” he says solemnly, voice unwavering
“Okay Shakespeare,” Taehyung rolls his eyes playfully, finally moving off of the other. “Yes or no would’ve been fine.”
“How would you know that I’m in love with you, then?”
Taehyung blinks. “We’ve been destined lovers for eternity.”
"Still," he shrugs.
Their conversations together always have a playful edge. They decided long ago that their reunions shouldn’t be sorrowful or filled with tears, but rather a celebration.
A time where they can revel in each other’s company and catch up on their lives. When the universe decides to be kind enough to put the two planets in an arms reach from one another, the only option left is to appreciate what’s given.
And Taehyung knows that he should’ve stopped crying with each reunion a lifetime ago, but the longing for his other half always seems to overpower any sort of critical thinking he possesses. It seems like Jeongguk also has that same problem, as he’s also beginning to tear up.
“I thought we agreed no more crying,” Taehyung huffs out a laugh. He lifts a hand to wipe away Jeongguk’s tears and he immediately leans into Taehyung’s touch.
“We were never good at following instructions, were we?” he mutters, voice faltering. Taehyung’s breath hitches at the words, knowing exactly what the other is referring to.
Because at a given point in their eternity, there was a moment where Saturn and Jupiter had yet to exist. A moment where Taehyung and Jeongguk had the luxury of spending every waking moment with the other.
Another version of eternity— one much too short for Taehyung and Jeongguk.
And at some point for reasons Taehyung has long forgotten, the two lovers had been separated— cruelly punished as the universe mocked them for a love so innocent that it was almost human.
###
“I wonder what the mortals think when they see us,” Jeongguk asks distractedly as he fiddles with Taehyung’s fingers.
They’re sitting on the edge of Saturn’s rings, watching the night sky— a pastime that’s grown boring for Taehyung on his own, yet every time Jeongguk is in the moment with him, he can’t help but feel alive.
“We’re just blue and red dots to them,” Taehyung hums. “I don’t think they see much.”
“Really?”
“I mean,” Taehyung starts. “In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think we realize just how small we are in relation to the universe. Unlike us, space is something infinite.”
Jeongguk scoffs. “Now who’s being Shakespeare.”
“Oh please,” Taehyung snickers. “I’m just being realistic.”
“That’s no fun, though.”
“Well, what do you think?” Taehyung quirks a brow. Jeongguk smiles fondly as he looks away into space— back into the abyss.
He takes quite a while to answer, and when he does it’s with a simple “I don’t know,” to which Taehyung rolls his eyes.
“Humans are weird,” Jeongguk continues. “I’ve never met one, but I like thinking about them from time to time. I think they’d like our story.”
“They must be sadists, then.”
Jeongguk hums. “Not necessarily. They wouldn’t love us the way we love one another but.” He shifts himself to lay his head on Taehyung’s lap, closing his eyes as if looking for the right words to say. “I think they’d see our story as tragically beautiful.”
“How so?”
“Not sure,” Jeongguk shrugs. “I was talking to the stars the other day, they told me humans like sad stories like ours.”
“You talk to the stars?” Taehyung asks, quirking a brow. “What do you tell them?”
“About you. Us. Everything I guess,” Jeongguk mutters. “It’s lonely on Jupiter, I don’t have anyone else to talk to.”
Taehyung pauses for a moment. “The stars never answer me,” he pouts.
Jeongguk chuckles. “They’re not good at responding, but they make for great listeners.”
A comfortable silence settles between them. Taehyung takes this moment to card his fingers through his lover's hair, then leans down to lay a kiss on his forehead.
“I don’t want us to be a sad story,” Taehyung murmurs.
“Neither do I,” Jeongguk hums, tearing his gaze away from the stars to meet Taehyung’s.
Taehyung has seen every wonder of the universe. He’s witnessed Saturn earning her rings, the life cycle of a star, and has even seen singularities collapsing in on themselves. But the warmth of Jeongguk’s gaze always feels new. Something about his eyes managed to melt away all of his worries— made him believe they actually had a chance at a new eternity where they could spend together. It was something quite powerful— something that had been foreign in Taehyung’s cold realm.
He can’t quite stop himself before he utters the words “I love you,” before pressing a kiss to Jeongguk’s lips.
“I love you, too,” Jeongguk sighs.
“I don’t want you to go.”
“We’ll see each other again before we even know it,” he whispers, eyes glossy with tears.
Taehyung smiles fondly, moving to wipe his tears with a thumb before they can fall. It’s always moments like these that remind him just how cruel the universe can be. He’s tried to look on the bright side, but it’s difficult when he’s left in the dark— alone on a planet so far away from the rest of humanity.
It’s rare for Taehyung to see Jeongguk cry out of sadness. There are rare occasions where he’ll cry when they first see each other— as if he has no idea what to do with all of the unbridled love he has for Taehyung but simply sob into his shoulder.
Taehyung has spent countless nights cursing the stars for burning so brightly in a realm where warmth supposedly should not exist. He screamed into the black abyss in hopes that Jeongguk would hear him just once yet is only ever met with an even louder silence.
“I hope you’re right,” Taehyung hums, pressing another kiss to his lover’s lips. And as Taehyung looks out into the abyss, he wonders how it dares to call itself a universe when he swears he’s already holding it in his own arms.
###
Their goodbyes are always sudden, usually due to being so lost in the moment, they nearly forget that it’s all so temporary. It’s an occasion met with teary eyes and shaking hands desperately gripping onto the other as if it would let them stay for just a little bit longer.
“What am I going to do without you?’ Taehyung mumbles into Jeongguk’s shoulder.
“You always ask this. What do I always say?”
“Nothing helpful,” he says under his breath, rolling his eyes as he clings closer to him.
Jeongguk giggles. “Talk to the stars. Maybe even Earth. They’re terrible conversationalists, but they make great listeners.”
Taehyung pouts, breaking apart from their hug to look the younger in the eyes.
“Wait for me,” he says solemnly.
Jeongguk’s gaze softens. “You’re the soul I’ve always known. I’ll always wait for you.”
Before he is left alone, Taehyung embraces his love for just a few more moments, praying that he’ll be able to stay forever this time.
He looks out into the stars and wonders how it is to be one of them. What is it like to be so warm and full of light? To burn so brightly in a realm made for darkness. It’s a fleeting thought, but it stays long enough to embitter Taehyung.
Taehyung holds Jeongguk just a little tighter as he watches the looming shadow of Jupiter slowly make it’s descent, signaling that it’s time for his lover to leave.
Jeongguk places a chaste kiss on Taehyung's lips and leaves without another word.
It’s almost cruel how quick the warmth is to leave. But Taehyung should be used to this. It never stays long enough to eat away at the numbness in the tips of his fingers and toes— just enough time for Taehyung to have a taste at what it’s like to feel something that isn’t a brutal cold. And before he knows it, another shiver wracks through his body as he makes his way across the lonely planet.
He already misses Jeongguk, but this time feels different. Rather than a heavy dread that sits at the pit of his stomach, it’s replaced with something that almost feels comforting. As if to say, you’ll see him again soon.
And Taehyung will look up and into the dark abyss and think to himself that it's okay to miss him.
They have eternity, anyway.