Work Text:
Yoongi likes to think that when he looks at the moon, Taehyung might be looking at it from the other side of the world, too.
It’s silly and he knows that. Their timezones are terribly different, with Taehyung going to bed when Yoongi is rolling out of it and Taehyung hard at work on last minute presentations when Yoongi is attending early morning meetings. But, that’s how Yoongi is, halfway sunken deep into denial and that’s one thing that hasn’t changed this year since he and Taehyung have been apart.
Yoongi hasn’t spoken to Taehyung in two weeks and there’s a large cavity in his heart, a ball of restlessness that lies in the pit of his stomach and refuses to go away. His fingers itch to dial Taehyung’s number, hear his voice even if it’s as mundane of a greeting as hello, but he doesn’t want to disturb him.
So, Yoongi lies awake in his much too large bed with his eyes fixed on the white ceiling, his thoughts plagued with a misplaced feeling of homesickness that makes him toss and turn. Taehyung is far away, he’s too far away and he hasn’t come home in a year, but Yoongi remembers the touch of his hand against his like it was merely yesterday.
There’s nothing louder than the beating of Yoongi’s heart in their city, the heart that only beats for a certain Kim Taehyung.
They have a set schedule.
Taehyung calls once he’s back home from work and Yoongi makes the time for him, no matter what. He’ll get a random photo from Taehyung in the middle of the day, if it’s a rose blooming in the pot on his coworker’s desk or Yeontan taking a massive bite out of Taehyung’s sweater. Even if Yoongi would never admit it, it’s the highlight of his taxing days.
It’s when Taehyung goes to bed and Yoongi is left scorching in the early morning sun that Yoongi truly feels his absence. But, he has to brave through it for Taehyung. He has to get through this phase so he’ll see Taehyung soon again.
It’s after another week that Yoongi’s phone rings.
Yoongi pretends he isn’t checking who it is, especially since that’s all he’s been doing for three weeks but when Taehyung’s face flashes across the screen, a picture Yoongi took on their first date, he jumps, quick to slide and answer, “H-hello?”
Taehyung takes a few seconds to answer. From the hubbub, Yoongi concludes he must be at the office cafeteria, getting a bite to eat. Yoongi looks out of his window, eyes trailing over the roof of the neighboring house that is lit by the soft moonlight.
“Hey, hyung.” Taehyung says, and Yoongi sits up in his seat. It’s heavy like he has a cold, but before Yoongi can ask, he’s cut off. “You, uh- it’s been a while since you called.” With the light slam of a tray hitting the table, he must’ve sit down somewhere.
Yoongi picks at the chip at the edge of his desk. His clock blares 12:30 am, his laptop shut and laying forgotten as Yoongi clears his throat. “I’ve been a little busy,” he says, lying straight through his teeth. But, he’d rather lie to Taehyung than tell him that he didn’t call him because he didn’t want to bother Taehyung.
That’ll result in him getting an earful Yoongi doesn’t want to hear right now.
“Oh, okay.” Comes Taehyung’s delayed response and he sounds miffed. “That’s too bad. I wanted to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
Taehyung sighs lowly, but it’s not an exasperated one. It might be good news, then. “Hyung, I think I’m coming back home soon.”
Yoongi’s breath hitches. He can hear Taehyung’s unsteady breathing on the other side. His window is kept open, a cool breeze rolling in but it’s nothing compared to the chill crawling up his back. “How long?” Yoongi asks, trying to keep the anticipation in his voice to a low but he’s ready to pop out of his seat, fingers curling around the table.
“Two months, I think, but it’s not- nothing is final yet. Don’t get your hopes up.” Yoongi chuckles, exasperated. Even though Taehyung himself had warned Yoongi not to get his hopes up, Taehyung laughs and says, “I can’t wait to see you again.”
“Me neither, Tae.”
Yoongi’s memory of Taehyung before they started dating is fuzzy. It could've been that they first met at Jimin’s birthday at the club fifteen minutes away from their university or when Yoongi was working his afternoon shift at Baskin Robbins and Taehyung wanted the cotton candy flavor in a cone.
It’s Taehyung who remembers the dates and the days more. Yoongi remembers the moments as the first time Taehyung linked his pinky with Yoongi’s or when Yoongi kissed Taehyung in front of their friends. He remembers the red of Taehyung’s face or his cheeky grin or his eyes that crinkle when he laughs.
He remembers the pain in Taehyung’s voice when he’d called Yoongi from work to tell him that he was getting transferred, and Taehyung’s red-rimmed eyes for a whole month before he left. Taehyung’s apology and his promise that Yoongi recites whenever he reaches for Taehyung’s box of tea bags by muscle memory.
I’ll be home soon. I promise. Just a few months, yeah?
And, Yoongi waits because he’s unsure of what else he can do with his hands tied. He misses Taehyung, but he can’t ask him to drop everything and come back home. All Yoongi can do is stop, breathe, not think about how he wakes up and reaches out to the other side of the bed, only to feel the cold bedsheet.
Good things take time and this, too, shall pass.
“Are you ready?” Yoongi asks, index finger hovering over the space bar, ready to press play. Taehyung hums, muttering under his breath but he’s speaking too low for Yoongi to understand what he’s saying. Yeontan yips in the background and Taehyung clicks his tongue, probably deciding if he should let Yeontan into the bed or not.
“Okay, hyung. I’m re- wait, no! Don’t chew on my shoes, Tan!” Taehyung yells. The phone drops on the bed and Yoongi hears a thud. The wooden floorboards creak under Taehyung’s feet as he runs to scoop the tiny dog up into his arms and Yoongi smiles, even though he’s just picturing it.
“I didn’t let him up so he ate my shoes.” Taehyung whines and he falls into the bed. “Hyung, you should be here to save me from this tiny little devil.”
“Yeah, yeah, he’ll bite me if I try to take him away from you.”
“Oh? Then you’re quite similar to him.” Taehyung giggles, before he sighs, settling back into the bed. “Hyung. Should we start?”
“Mhm.” Yoongi says, pressing play.
Taehyung puts him on speaker so Yoongi gets to hear their synced up audios, familiar music and familiar dialogues. It’s one of Taehyung’s favorite movies which they always watch and Yoongi finds himself not paying attention but more on what’s going on around Taehyung. Yeontan jumping off the bed, the washing machine that whirs away, hot tea trickling into Taehyung’s favorite mug.
Yoongi closes his eyes, imagines himself sitting beside Taehyung and his heart settles. It's a dream, but Yoongi has always labelled himself a dreamer.
“Are you paying attention?” Taehyung asks, his voice taking a teasing lilt. Ah, he knows me too well, Yoongi thinks.
“Sure I am.” Yoongi settles on, instead and it warrants a sharp giggle from Taehyung.
“We can just watch something else, you know.”
But, nothing else makes you this happy. “It’s fine. Next time, let’s pick a new one, okay?”
“Okay, hyung.” Taehyung says, softly.
Taehyung has had a tough week, so it’s not long before he falls asleep. Taehyung snores softly into the speakerphone and the movie is still playing. If only Yoongi was there, he would’ve tucked him in. Yoongi’s stomach caves and he sighs, shutting his laptop.
“Rest well, Tae. I lo- “ Yoongi pauses, clears his throat. Taehyung’s asleep, he’s not going to hear it. Yoongi hangs up, tucking his phone away before he does something stupid like message Taehyung what was on his mind. It’s best that Yoongi gets some rest as well, he has a long week ahead of him.
Yoongi is more than used to pulling long hours at the studio, but coming back home is a chore now. He’s met with silence, instead of Taehyung’s sloppy kisses and Yeontan's incessant barking. Yoongi makes his dinner himself, chopping the vegetables and the meat, trying to keep in mind that he’s only cooking for one.
While the television provides the white noise Yoongi needs to keep the murky thoughts out of his head, his stomach flips when he’s supposed to go to sleep. It’s been a year but Yoongi still hasn’t gotten used to Taehyung’s absence and a part of him knows he never will. The half-empty closet, the extra set of keys on the shoe rack, his top shelf missing a mug.
It’s a long, torturous cycle of days and nights of missing and longing and staring at the moon, wondering if Taehyung is looking, too.
Soon, it’s going to rain. Yoongi is going to be under his mother’s knitted blanket, all alone. If only Taehyung hears his pleas and comes home soon, if only Yoongi doesn’t feel like his heart has been torn in half and on the other side of the world. There’s only so much Yoongi can take until he can’t anymore.
But, he’ll hold on for Taehyung as long as he can. It’s just a rough spot, it’s just for a while. Taehyung might be coming home in two months. Even if that’s the only thing that will keep Yoongi going, he’ll take it.
“What do you want to do first when I get home?”
Yoongi turns on his side, the bed slowly losing its warmth but his body refuses to allow him to sit up. The sun rays make their way through Yoongi’s half-drawn curtains but all Yoongi wants to do is soak it up with Taehyung’s voice to keep him company. It must be nighttime over there but Taehyung still hasn’t gone to bed and knowing the reason why makes Yoongi’s heart flip.
It’s a game they play sometimes when they’re feeling particularly melancholic. After Taehyung has had a rough day at work or Yoongi accidentally found something of Taehyung’s and felt his absence harder than a slap to the face. They play the game then, to keep each other afloat, to remember that it’s not a permanent thing.
Yoongi lays onto his back, softly humming. “There’s a new restaurant that opened near Hoseok’s. They have really good lamb skewers. Jeongguk and I got some after work the other day, and Taehyung, they were so melt-in-your-mouth, you should definitely try it.”
Taehyung makes an affirming noise in the back of his throat, but it’s distracted. Yoongi smiles, amused. If he knows Taehyung well, he knows what’s coming next.
“So… who’s Jeongguk?”
“He works under Namjoon.” Yoongi says, trying to keep the laughter out of his voice. Even if Taehyung’s faux jealousy is nothing more than a mere joke between them, he sounds so adamant about it is that it’s hard not to take it seriously.
“Oh. Hmm.” Taehyung says, clearing his throat. “Is he cute?”
“He’s very cute and he has the prettiest eyes that you can get lost in- “
“Maybe we should stop joking about this.”
Yoongi softly chuckles. He doesn’t tell Taehyung that the only person Yoongi will ever have eyes for is only him. “You’re so predictable.”
“Well, forgive me if I don’t want to hear my boyfriend waxing poetic about another man’s eyes.”
Yoongi’s heart somersaults at the silliest things, like Taehyung referring to him as his boyfriend after a year of dating. He smiles unintentionally, hiding his face in the pillow like Taehyung might see him and tease him about it.
“Come home soon.” Yoongi says, keeping his voice low but Taehyung hears him. He always hears him. “Then we’ll do whatever you want and we’ll go anywhere you like.”
“Even if it’s something silly?” Taehyung asks. “Like feeding ducks or seeing the Eiffel Tower?”
“It’s hardly silly, Tae. But, yeah, whatever you want.” Yoongi replies.
“I just want to see you right now. I don’t really care about anything beyond that.” Taehyung answers, after a long pause. Yoongi’s fingers tighten on the bedsheet. “I miss you. You know that, right?”
Yoongi thinks of his nightstand that has been empty for a year because Taehyung took his cosmetics with him, the absence of his purple toothbrush that Yoongi’s eyes travel to when he’s getting ready for bed. The most inconsequential things that he’s never thought twice about are what keep reminding Yoongi that Taehyung is gone, he’s really gone.
“Yeah, of course, I know.” Yoongi says because there’s really no way he couldn’t. “Video call tomorrow?”
“Okay. I’ll call you.” Taehyung says. From the way he delays his goodbye, he knows Taehyung doesn’t want to hang up just yet, but they have to. “I’ll see you soon.”
Yoongi gets an envelope in the mail. With the drawings on the envelope, he knows exactly who it’s from.
He sits on the edge of the bed, careful not to tear the contents inside. He empties it and a photograph clipped to a letter, fall out. Just because Yoongi doesn’t want to cry this early in the morning, he keeps the letter tucked away under a paperweight on his nightstands.
It’s from Taehyung’s photography fad last year, when Yoongi had been a reluctant model for him. But, you’re my muse, Taehyung had whined when Yoongi complained about it. Yoongi clears his throat, trying to ignore the way his cheeks warm at the memory.
Yoongi is incapable of looking at pictures of himself, but there’s a way that Taehyung photographs him that makes Yoongi unable to look away.
His hair is mussed in the photo, clearly having rolled out of bed and his legs are crossed, one over the other. A cup of coffee is nestled between his fingers and Yoongi is sleepily smiling at the camera. He doesn’t remember this one, it must’ve been after a tiring night of work because Yoongi’s mind is wiped blank of this.
There are so many things in the room Taehyung could’ve captured. Yoongi’s giant canvas in the background, the sunlight that spills through their open windows, the bonsai—a housewarming gift from Namjoon—on the coffee table, but he chooses Yoongi. His chest suddenly feels heavy and he puts the photo away.
It took a while but finally got them developed. You look magical. Thinking of you always. Call me when you get these.
It must be in the middle of the night for Taehyung, so Yoongi makes a mental note to call him before he goes to bed.
Even though Yoongi never wants to, a small part of him resents Taehyung for being so far away. He never lets that part take the reins but when Yoongi is a match away from being set on fire, the littlest things set him off. Yoongi never intends for it to get so out of hand, but sometimes it’s Taehyung who has to take the brunt of his anger.
Taehyung takes it, a result of residual guilt and Yoongi feels terrible about it, only to end up apologizing the next day. But, they never learn from it because it happens again like clockwork with the roles reversed. Yoongi doesn’t learn and neither does Taehyung.
“Drink up, you look miserable.” Namjoon says, shoving a mug of beer in Yoongi’s direction. Yoongi grimaces. He knows what happens if he drinks when he’s upset, but he’s beyond the place of thinking. So, Yoongi takes a sip, then another, then another until he’s significantly buzzed.
The bar they’re at is quite empty except for a few regulars and patrons. The bartender is cleaning glasses at the far end of the table, which is good. She should be far, far away from Yoongi so he doesn’t want to ask for another round. The atmosphere is as dim as Yoongi feels, damp and miserable. Yoongi doesn’t even want to ask Namjoon when he found this dump.
“I knew I should’ve quit a long time ago.” Yoongi mutters under his breath and Namjoon only gives him a pat on the shoulder.
“It happens, man. It happens.” Namjoon says, shaking his head. He’s not nearly as wasted as Yoongi, but he’s still a goner. “What can you do when you have a shitty boss who’s just waiting for the opportunity to throw you under the bus?”
“It wasn’t even my fault.” Yoongi says, fingers tightening around the cold mug. “Fuck it, whatever.”
Namjoon hums, unsure of what to say. Even when he can see the thinly veiled anger on Yoongi’s face, Namjoon doesn’t say a thing because he knows Yoongi’s annoyance goes way beyond just the incident at work. Yoongi drains the mug, doesn’t ask for a refill. The last thing he needs is some stupid drunken accident or worse, calling Taehyung when he’s drunk.
That will not end well.
“Maybe you should go home.” Namjoon suggests as he nudges Yoongi with an elbow. “I'll catch you a taxi.”
On any other day, Yoongi would’ve refused the help but he’s tired. Bone-tired. Yoongi lets Namjoon coax him out of the seat, sling his arm around Namjoon’s neck and shove him into a cab. Yoongi sighs as he leans back into the seat, fingers itching to dial Taehyung’s number.
Yoongi would call him, if only Taehyung bothered to answer.
It’s been two weeks since Taehyung has answered Yoongi’s calls or messages. He gets like this when he has back-to-back meetings and presentations. When he barely has the time to breathe, he forgets Yoongi. And, Yoongi understands, he really does, but he’s tired of being served the short end of the stick every single time.
Yoongi would give the world right now to hear the quiet rumble of Taehyung’s honeyed voice, anything to distract him from this hollow pit inside his chest.
Yoongi’s promotion is probably going to be stalled and the one person who Yoongi wants to talk about it with isn’t there. He could laugh, but the situation is more pathetic than it is hilarious. Yoongi’s hands tremble as he pays the taxi driver and stumbles out of the vehicle. He’s not drunk anymore, his vision mildly clear but his eyes are starting to blur with tears.
It’s been a long week.
Yoongi draws himself a bath, the water fizzing as he drops in a purple bath bomb. He puts on some music, a generic pop song but he isn’t paying attention. He quickly texts Namjoon to let him know he got home safe, unsurprised to find any other notifications. He draws his legs close to his chest as the water is quickly losing its warmth.
Yoongi needs to get to bed before he collapses from the exhaustion. He’ll think about it, worry about it tomorrow. He needs to shelve it away for a time when he can think properly. Yoongi’s phone buzzes but he doesn’t pay it any mind as he gets dressed and tries to quiet his mind to get some sleep.
He wakes up to fifteen missed calls and thirty-three unread text messages. Taehyung seems to have forgotten about the time difference again. Yoongi turns his phone off, despite every muscle in his body pushing him to check what Taehyung has sent him. Maybe some time apart will do us good, Yoongi thinks as he gets ready to head into work.
Having a fight is different for Taehyung and Yoongi. It’s physically impossible for them to yell at each other, so it’s just cold shoulders and stony silences between them, instead. Somehow, Yoongi thinks that’s much worse because there’s never any room to work out their frustrations, only keeping it all bottled up inside until they explode.
As much as Yoongi dislikes being petty, it’s all he wants to do. He keeps his personal phone turned off, tries his best not to think about Taehyung’s worried expression and he keeps his head down, works his ass off like he always does when there’s something he needs to ignore.
Yoongi doesn’t bother cooking himself a meal, just falls straight into bed, but he’s unable to control himself and reads the last message Taehyung sent him. I’m sorry, hyung. If you want to, please call me. Love you.
Yoongi sighs softly, heart picking up a pace and he turns the phone on, dialing Taehyung’s number. He counts, drumming his fingers on his right thigh. Just as Yoongi is about to hang up, Taehyung answers and even Taehyung’s simple “hello?” takes Yoongi’s breath away.
“Hey.” Yoongi says, sitting down on the couch. Taehyung clears his throat.
“Hi.” Taehyung replies, hesitantly. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay. Haven’t gotten much sleep, though.” Yoongi answers truthfully.
Taehyung hums in acknowledgement. “I’m sorry, hyung.”
“It’s okay.” Yoongi says, leaning back. “Nothing you can do about it.”
The silence between them falls like a veil, but it’s more awkward than comforting. Yoongi picks at the rip in his jeans, thinking of all the things he wanted to say to Taehyung over the week that are stored away in his mind. The photograph came out nice. They’re stopping my promotion for some mistake that wasn’t even mine. Come back home, I miss you, I lov-
“Namjoon-hyung told me about what happened. I’m sorry, I know how much it meant to you.” Taehyung says. “You deserved that position.”
Yoongi lies down on the couch, cheek pressed against the soft pillow.
“It’s fine, Tae. Really. I just… need to keep my head and work harder.”
“Hyung.” Taehyung says, his voice firm. “You’re allowed to be angry about this.”
“What am I going to get out of being angry or stressed, Tae? Do you want a boyfriend with white hair?” Yoongi asks, trying to lighten the mood with a joke but Taehyung doesn’t budge. He even laughs at Yoongi’s most horrible jokes. “Tae.” He calls out, instead, almost pleading. Just drop it.
“You need to start taking things more seriously.” Taehyung says, but it sounds like a command. Yoongi straightens up, smile starting to drop off his face. He really doesn’t need to be scolded right now like he’s a little child.
“I am.”
“Well, not enough, apparently.”
“Are you scolding me?” Yoongi asks. He can feel a headache raging, induced from the terror of the conversation that they’re going to have.
“I’m trying to look out for you.” Taehyung mutters and Yoongi can picture the frown on his face, eyebrows knitted. “I just think that you should’ve stood up for yourself, you should stand up for yourself. You shouldn’t let people push you around.”
“You aren’t here.” Yoongi blurts out.
Taehyung’s breath hitches. Yoongi can hear a small voice inside his head Yoongi, you need to shut the hell up before you say something you regret. But, the only that Yoongi can think of is how angry is, how much he hates being apart from Taehyung and how much he wants Taehyung to know it.
“You weren’t there, so you don’t know how bad it was. You think I like being shoved around and told off all the time about how I don’t have enough passion because I refuse to produce overdone bubblegum pop shit? You’ll just take any chance you want to boss me around, just because I don’t say anything, right? If you were here, then maybe- “
“I get it.” comes Taehyung’s simple response. Short, clipped and it’s easy to miss the anger in his voice. But, Yoongi understands it. “I get it, hyung. I don’t know anything just because I’m not in Seoul anymore. I get it. You really showed me my place today, so thanks for that.”
“Taehyung- “
“It’s, uh, it’s getting pretty late here.” Taehyung states. His voice is watery, tone breathy like he’s about to burst into tears and it hurts right under Yoongi’s ribs. His mouth tastes like it’s filled with sand and his tongue feels heavy. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Yoongi stays, fixed in the spot even after the line goes dead. He sits there, listening to the static and the regret builds up, piece by piece. Fuck, he should’ve held his tongue. Yoongi puts the phone down, tucks it away and holds his head in his hands. He doesn’t look at the moon, too busy typing and erasing his apology to Taehyung.
He knows Taehyung is not going to want to talk to him any time soon, but the least Yoongi could do is apologize.
No matter how hard he tries, though, he comes up short. It’s either too wordy or it’s not enough. Yoongi doesn’t know how to describe his nails bleeding as he bites them too hard or how his hair threatens to fall out when he tugs. So, Yoongi doesn’t send Taehyung anything, lets the tension between them settle like dust.
Even though it’s been a year and a half since Taehyung has been home, this is the farthest Yoongi has ever felt, from him.
Even if they ever fought, Taehyung and Yoongi would make up easily. Cold shoulders for a week and they would be back to normal because neither of them had the patience to endure the heaviness of the arguments.
But, this time, Taehyung doesn’t call. Yoongi forgets how easy it is to put a distance between each other when you live on opposite sides of the world. Yoongi still hasn’t texted Taehyung, still hasn’t called him. He doesn’t know what he needs to say to make it right. He doesn’t want to say the wrong thing and risk upsetting Taehyung again.
Yoongi isn’t sure of what he’s going to say but he still finds himself dialing Taehyung’s number on Friday. There’s only the smallest chance that Taehyung is going to answer, but Yoongi can’t let this misunderstanding between them stick for too long. With every delayed beat, Yoongi’s heart only sinks further.
What was I thinking? I made him cry. Even I wouldn’t want to see myself after making him feel bad-
“What do you want?” Taehyung asks. From the loud rustling of the sheets, he might be in bed. “If it’s nothing important, I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I’m sorry, Tae. I shouldn’t have said those things to you.”
Taehyung pauses. Yoongi fiddles with his hoodie. It feels like ages pass by before Taehyung responds.
“It’s fine.”
“It’s fine?” Yoongi repeats, eyebrows furrowing. He thought Taehyung might be more upset, let Yoongi work for forgiveness. “Tae, you don’t have to- “
“I know, but I don’t care enough to be upset about it. Just… I missed you a lot, okay? I don’t think I can get through another week without talking to you, so let’s just forget about it.”
“Okay,” Yoongi says, gently, “I’m sorry for hurting you.”
If Yoongi closes his eyes and thinks hard enough, he can imagine the conflicted expression on his face. Taehyung shifting onto his side to hold the phone closer to his ear as he decides what to say to Yoongi. “It’s okay, just don’t ever do that again.”
“I promise.” Yoongi says.
Yoongi wasn’t anticipating it but Taehyung forgives him. A little too easily, if you ask Yoongi, but he’s not going to complain. It takes some time but they settle back into their original routine. Sending each other selcas, watching movies on the weekend, cooking together. Taehyung calls him more often and Yoongi forgets that there was ever a time when he felt Taehyung’s absence.
It’s going well, a little too well. It’s not surprising when it all comes crashing down.
Taehyung has a meeting to finally decide when he’s going to get to come home. Yoongi can’t fall asleep, tossing and turning in the bed until he finally admits to himself that he’s nervous and sits up straight. He chews on his nails, waiting for Taehyung’s name to flash across his screen. When it finally does, Yoongi takes the phone eagerly.
The first thing Yoongi hears is a sniffle. Oh no.
“Tae?” Yoongi calls out, trying to keep the worry out of his voice. “Is… is everything okay?” The hustle and bustle of the city behind Taehyung is loud but Yoongi can only hear his heart racing in his own chest. “Taehyung, talk to me.”
“They delayed it.” Taehyung says and Yoongi’s blood freezes in his veins. “I won’t be able to come home until April.”
The air is squeezed out of Yoongi’s lungs and all he can hear is white noise and Taehyung trying not to cry.
“But, it’s my birthday.” Yoongi replies, laughing helplessly. His eyes burn with tears and all Yoongi wants to do is bury himself under the blankets and never wake up. Taehyung’s resulting silence is only further proof that it’s not a prank. It makes Yoongi’s stomach twist.
“I’m sorry.” Taehyung mutters because there’s nothing left for him to say.
Nothing you can do. It’s not your fault. So many responses but all Yoongi can think about is the anguish bubbling away under his skin. He doesn’t say a goodbye, merely hangs up, even though he knows he’ll get a scolding for it tomorrow.
Yoongi got through tough days, promising himself that he’ll see Taehyung soon, that he’ll come home and never leave again. But, it’s all a lie. At this rate, Yoongi will be lucky if he ever sees his boyfriend’s face again. He can’t even bring himself to cry about it, just lying in bed until he falls asleep and dreams of Taehyung.
The next few weeks are a miserable time. Yoongi buries his head in work, even though he knows that ignoring it is only going to be a problem for himself further down the road. Taehyung seems to get the hint and he only calls Yoongi sporadically. They text but not as often as they used to and Yoongi resents this distance that they’ve created between themselves.
There’s only so much anger Yoongi can manifest but he has learn to remember that it’s Taehyung’s job, something that can’t be helped. No matter how much it threatens to pull them apart, Yoongi can’t let it.
March rolls around and Yoongi is more miserable than usual. The dreary, rainy weather doesn’t help. Moping around isn’t healthy, but Yoongi slowly learns that he’s going to have to move on. Taehyung will be home someday, even if it’s not now. It’ll take some time and a lot of tears, but they’re going to have to get better.
Yoongi’s birthday falls on a Saturday. Hoseok and Jimin throw him a surprise party to uplift his spirits and while Yoongi appreciates the gesture, the sinking feeling when he sees Taehyung’s present missing from his pile is too much to handle. It takes Yoongi all his energy not to burst into tears right there. He has to keep a brave face on to make Taehyung proud.
Taehyung calls him to wish him a happy birthday and the tone in his voice is full of despair. Even if Yoongi tells him it’s okay, it’s Taehyung’s nature to beat himself over something that isn’t even his fault. In one way or another, they’re similar in that sense. Yoongi holes up in his apartment after it’s all over, sitting on the couch with his arms crossed over his chest.
He sets some water with tea leaves to boil to get his mind off Taehyung. The blanket is draped around his shoulders, it’s freezing cold from all the rainy days they’ve been having, but it’s not the reason why Yoongi is shivering. Yoongi’s birthday is going to be over in an hour and he’s all alone.
In an attempt to make himself feel better, Yoongi calls Taehyung, only to then doubt it. He must be at work, you idiot, why would you disturb him-
“Hey.” Taehyung greets. He sounds different, lighter almost. Yoongi faintly catches the sound of rain hitting the roof of a car and Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow. He didn’t know it was raining over there.
“Hey. Just… wanted to hear your voice.” Yoongi says, twirling a piece of hair around his index finger. “Sorry, I- I know it sounds stupid, but- “
“It’s not stupid, hyung. Please don’t say that.” Taehyung firmly says. “I’m glad to hear your voice, too.”
“Say something to me.” Yoongi mutters, turning on his heel to look out of the kitchen window. The moon shines bright, casting its glow upon the city.
“Even if it’s something silly?”
“Even if it’s something silly.”
Taehyung hums, the faint rumble of his deep voice makes Yoongi’s heart skip a beat. Yoongi sinks down onto the kitchen floor, drawing his knees closer to himself.
“Hyung, doesn’t the moon look beautiful tonight?”
“Yeah, it- “ Yoongi pauses, eyebrows furrowing. Isn’t it early afternoon there?
Taehyung doesn’t say anything after that, Yoongi has to check his phone to see if he’s hung up. Taehyung clears his throat. “I’ll see you soon.” Yoongi puts the phone down, mildly baffled before he shakes his head and pours his tea into a cup. He doesn’t move from his spot on the floor, instead staring up at the moon to run Taehyung’s words over and over again in his mind.
Yoongi is tracing the lines between the tiles absentmindedly, waiting for his tea to cool down when the shrill sound of the bell cuts through the space.
Yoongi can’t think of anyone who’d come over to his house at 12:30 am but it’s not like he could ignore whoever it is. He wraps the blanket tighter around himself and the wooden floorboards creak under his feet as he goes to open the door. Yoongi’s breath hitches.
“Happy birthday, hyung.” Taehyung greets, a wide smile on his face and Yoongi stares, completely caught off-guard.
It must be a dream. Taehyung couldn’t possibly be here. Yoongi is going to blink and he’s going to disappear, in a flash of white smoke. But, Yoongi blinks and he’s still there. His heart nearly stops in his chest.
Taehyung’s hair is soaked wet from the rain, his green coat drenched and his shirt untucked. Yoongi can’t see his luggage anywhere. He has so many questions, so many confessions to make but Yoongi only says Taehyung’s name because there’s a sob lodged somewhere in his throat.
“Taehyung.” Yoongi says, unable to process anything beyond the cake and bouquet of white roses Taehyung’s holding. He’s here, he’s really here- “Holy fuck.” Yoongi throws his arms around Taehyung, who takes him closer until Yoongi can feel Taehyung’s heartbeat. His knees might buckle but Taehyung holds him tight, not letting go of him until Yoongi loosens his grip.
“I got you a little something.” Taehyung grins as he hands Yoongi the flowers. He should probably go put those in water but the fact that Taehyung is here hasn’t quite settled in yet. “And, I’m starving so can we eat first?”
Yoongi watches, a little dazed, as Taehyung picks out two plates and spoons with a knife. He cuts Yoongi a big slice and an even bigger one for himself then he digs in.
Taehyung still looks the same. There’s still a cut on his eyebrow, five piercings on his ear, a mole on his nose. His eyes have sunken in, dark circles underneath but he’s beautiful. Enough for Yoongi’s breath to be punched out of his lungs. Yoongi can’t remember how many times he’s traced Taehyung’s face in his dreams, but he still forgets how to breathe.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Yoongi asks, lacing his fingers with Taehyung’s and Taehyung runs his thumb over Yoongi’s knuckles.
Taehyung laughs like Yoongi asked him something hilarious. He runs a hand through his hair, seemingly sheepish. “Funny story. I, uh, quit.”
Yoongi's jaw drops as Taehyung just smiles, like he’s at peace with his decision. “I got another offer. The work is less, so the pay is less, but their head office is in Seoul. I know I’ll struggle a little bit more but at least I’ll be home, yeah?”
Yoongi hasn’t heard such conviction in Taehyung’s voice since they first moved in together and Taehyung wanted new curtains. But, it’s not that part that Yoongi focuses on the most.
“Really?” Yoongi asks, a rising hope filling up his chest. “You’re- you’re home for good?”
“For good.” Taehyung confirms, his grin widening and Yoongi feels giddy. Yoongi cradles Taehyung’s face, kisses him on the nose. After all they’ve been through, after how much they suffered, Yoongi would do it all over again just to feel the relief that Taehyung gives him.
Even though the future is ever-changing and nothing is ever set in stone, Yoongi knows Taehyung will always be a part of his.