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Nico knows as soon as he enters his apartment that there's some bad news waiting for him. It's more of a feeling than an intuition. After five years of living together with Will and making a home out of a mere building, their apartment seems to have attuned itself to Will's moods and his mental state.
Right now, their apartment feels like a desolate old man with too little energy to spare.
Unable to ignore the anxiety pooling steadily in his stomach, Nico calls out to Will in a soft whisper but doesn't get a reply. Maybe Will's not home yet and Nico's been overthinking the whole thing (Gods he hopes so). Just when he's about to check their bedroom, he hears a dull thud from the kitchen and backtracks his path.
One look at Will's state, and his fears are confirmed.
Will is slumped in one of the chairs in the dining table, definitely not in a comfortable position. He seems to be resting his head on the table (maybe that's the dull thud he'd heard earlier?). When Nico calls his name once more Will finally looks up, more tired than Nico had seen him recently and with a frown on his face. The worst of all are his eyes, that seem to shoulder so much pain it breaks Nico's heart.
"Hey, love. Is everything alright? Wanna talk about it?" Nico reaches for the chair next to Will and takes Will's right hand between his.
Will doesn't speak for a minute. And two. But after almost a decade of friendship and getting together, Nico can easily read into the silence. Will isn't trying to dodge the question, he's just taking his time. Nico waits patiently while Will collects his thoughts. When he's ready, Will speaks, his voice almost a whisper but surprisingly calm and collected.
"I couldn't save her today."
Nico's first reaction is confusion, trying to think of who Will's referring to. Then his mind wanders back to earlier that morning when Will had gotten an IM from one of his siblings and had to rush to the camp for a medical emergency.
"They trusted me to help her," Will continues in the same soft whisper, "It's why they called me. They thought I was the only one that could save her. And I couldn't."
"Why couldn't I save her, Nico?" The dam finally breaks, leaving an uncontrollably sobbing Will in Nico's arms.
"You did everything you could, sunshine. Sometimes even that's not enough, but that doesn't mean it's your fault," Nico tries to comfort Will, but he isn't sure Will even heard him.
"I can still hear her feeble voice," Will continues as if Nico didn't just try and reassure him, "She was so sure I could save her. And her siblings— oh my gods, why couldn't I help her?"
They have gone over this a million times in the past decade. Nico had known early into their friendship that Will was a lot more than just carefree smiles and cheery laughter. Every time he failed to save a patient, Will would close himself into a metaphorical box and go over everything that went wrong, everything that could have gone right.
Over the time he's gotten so much better at handling himself and accepting the fact that he can't save everyone, but sometimes a small event or an anecdote is enough to exile himself into the old metaphorical box. This time, Nico can guess, it's the fact that someone entrusted their lives to him, and he failed her.
"You can't blames yourself, Will. They asked for you because you are the best healer around the camp. If you couldn't save her, it means she must have been in a bad shape already. No one blames you, love." Except for yourself, goes unsaid.
Will doesn't say anything, and doesn't deem like he believes Nico either. With a long sigh, Nico props himself on his feet.
"Come on now, you've had a long day. Take some rest, alright?" Nico helps him into his feet even when he knows Will doesn't need it, and directs him to their bedroom. "I'll make you something to eat. Sandwiches sounds good to you?"
Will shrugs, and Nico figures that's the most reaction he's going to get. He retreats to the kitchen, wishing to any God listening for things to be easier for his special guy.
Nico is just about to spread mayonnaise on the bread when he hears a sharp crashing sound from their bedroom. The half-made sandwiches are forgotten on the counter as he rushes to the bedroom with a rapidly beating heart. Gods, Will. Please be alright.
Nico finds Will sitting on the edge of their bed. His first thought is Thank gods he's alright, when he notices tears streaming down Will's eyes. Will refuses to meet his eyes, and following Will's line of sight on the ground, Nico knows why.
There are bits of what used to be a fully functional ceramic mug scattered on the floor, which explains the crashing sound. The biggest intact piece has the word 'Best' on it, and if Nico had ever been good at zigsaws, he knows he would have found 'World's' and 'Doctor' among the mass. The mug is (or was) Will's favourite and held a lot of sentimental value for him.
Judging by the number of pieces it's been broken into, he's sure it wasn't an accident. And with one look at Will, Nico knows what he's thinking about.
"It's just a mug," Nico says before Will can say anything else.
"I'm— I didn't mean to— Shit, I'm so sorry," Will splutters, now a tinge of shock and alarm added to his already depressed state.
The mug had been a gift from Nico when Will had gotten into medical school. Nico had wanted it to be both sentimental and lighthearted, hence the mug in reference to Michael's 'World's Best Boss' mug from The Office. While the mug had been an idea of an inside joke, the message certainly was not.
Because in Will's case it's actually true (some would argue the same about Michael Scott, but whatever). And it has only a little to do with being a literal son of the God of medicine and healing. Healing comes naturally to Will, just like the care for his patients and the calmness with which he handles any stressful situations. Nico is sure no one could take that away from Will even if he hadn't been a son of Apollo.
Will is the best damn doctor Nico has met and will ever meet, and he wishes Will could see that for himself.
Nico approaches Will and holds his hand out, which Will takes with a bit of hesitation. He checks Will's hands for any cuts or scrapes from the ceramic and finds a tiny cut at the tip of his pinkie. It won't need a band-aid or anything, but Nico holds on to the finger anyway, rubbing tiny circles on the back.
"It's okay baby, it's no harm done," Nico tries in vain to comfort him.
"But you got it for me when I— It meant so much to you. A—and me."
"Yeah, it did. And guess what, sunshine. You mean so much to me too. So much more than a stupid mug. Don't worry about it, alright?" Nico's words seem to reassure him, since he gives a gentle nod.
"I don't know what came over me," Will tries to justify, because of course he does, "One second I was staring at the mug and the next second I felt like I didn't—"
"—Didn't deserve it?" Nico finishes for him. He doesn't need to see Will's hesitant nod to piece things together. Even when Nico had gifted the mug, Will had been reluctant, accepting the gift only out of courtesy. Nico had tried not to feel offended, rather wished that Will would see at least a fraction of how Nico saw him.
"It's just a mug," Nico repeats, because at the end of the day, it's just that. Just a mug. Nico's feelings about Will being the best doctor aren't going to change because of a stupid mug, just like Will's worth won't be determined by the patients he fails to save. "For the record, I think you deserve the 'World's Best Doctor' title very much, and I'm being only like, 1 percent biased."
"Well I'm still sorry," Will manages between sniffs, and Nico mutters an "It's alright" because he knows Will won't be satisfied with anything less. "So you don't hate me?" Will asks after some time.
Had it been a different time and a different setting, Nico would have scoffed and said something either sarcastic or offensive. But he knows Will's concern is genuine, so he tries to reassure him with comforting words.
"Nothing in this world could ever make me hate you, sunshine."
"Really? Even when I choose to wear socks to bed?" Will's voice is still a soft whisper, but his eyes hold a tint of mischief and smile, probably for the first time today. An involuntary smile graces Nico's lips as well, as he takes in the beauty in front of him.
"Hmm, no comments," Nico chuckles, "We'll talk about that later. Now c'mere," Nico pulls him closer and wraps both of his hands around Will. The posture is super uncomfortable for Nico and he's sure his left hand is going to fall asleep in a few minutes, but he doesn't pull back.
Will must have sensed this, as he pulls back and lets Nico's hand rest comfortably on his side. Ever so thoughtful, Nico practically melts. He buries his head into Nico's shoulder and starts talking. "Her name was Leila, daughter of Demeter. Poor little thing, one of her brothers found her bleeding heavily just outside the camp border."
"Hmm. I'll go to the underworld and check on her for you. She's no longer in pain now." He doesn't need to say the first part out loud, because he does it for every demigod who took their last breath at their camp. But it'll give Will some additional reassurance.
"Yeah. Her body was barely responsive when I got there. I don't think I could have saved her even if I got there sooner." Will realizes what he's just said few seconds after the last words are out of his mouth, and gives a sheepish smile.
Nico smirks but doesn't go down the road of 'I told you so' which he's sure Will appreciates. Instead he tries for something else. "It's never going to get easier, is it?"
"No, it isn't." Will's smile is sad, but there's another emotion behind his eyes. Either acceptance or resignation. One of the two. Hopefully acceptance. "And I hope it never does, no matter how self-destructive that makes me sound. At least then I know I haven't lost sense of who I am."
This, Nico thinks, is why Will is the best doctor. Will is too selfless and thoughtful to be anything other than the best healer.
They lay there for a long time, until he can hear Will's steady breath and soft, familiar snores. Will isn't fine, and he won't be for at least some more days. But that's alright, Nico will be right by his side, reminding him of all the reasons why he can't give up just yet.