Chapter Text
BAZ
Some people say having a crush is fun. You stare at them when you are in the same room. Blush when they talk to you. Get your hopes up. Feel disappointed. Get over it.
It is somehow different when it goes on for years and you’re still unable to confess, while he goes out with a different girl every week. Tricks you into useless hope. Next one could easily be you. But at the same time… All those girls, and none was the right one. How could I stand a chance? He would likely straight up reject a boy .
It’s Monday morning. The circle repeats itself and Simon will go out with the first girl that will ask him out, starting as soon as he wakes up. I usually witness the process, feeling sadness and faking annoyance as he goes into the dining room for breakfast with the lucky one that caught him when he left the room. But I do have one advantage for sure. After all, I’m his roommate.
He wakes up and looks at me with sleepy eyes and messy curls, and he’s so handsome I feel weak.
“Good morning,” Simon says carelessly, stretching. He says it with no real meaning, I don’t think he really cares if I’m in the room at all.
I helplessly stare at him as he gets dressed up, his back to me. I have nothing to lose, right? I'm already in an unrequited crush situation. I’d ask, a week would pass and then… At least I’d have my shot.
"Go out with me," I blurt. He turns around, still half-naked. Stares at me, eyes wide with surprise.
I fear the answer.
Then he smiles and it's warm and kind and sincere. Just like everything Simon ever does.
I don’t wait for the answer. I use that pause to grab my towel and enter the bathroom. Scalding water falls on me and it feels good, or at least better than the knot that has installed in my stomach. I spend there as long as I can allow myself, lengthening the moment to face Simon again.
What the hell did I just do? He will for sure laugh me off, or even worse — pretend like nothing happened.
When I get out of the shower, Simon has gone for breakfast. Penelope probably came to pick him up. Of fucking course. It’s not like it changes anything. Just delays my undeniable fiasco.
When I get to the dining room, I see the occasional girl approaching Simon get rejected with a kind, somewhat guilty smile. I wonder who’s the lucky one this week.
Classes pass by, as plain as always. On break, I approach Agatha.
“Hey, Wellbelove.”
“Basilton,” she nods at me nonchalantly.
I decide to be straightforward.
“You went out with Simon Snow, right?”
She gives me a short, curious look.
“Yes, why?”
“I’m just curious. In the last three years, ever since he saved us from that dragon… All these girls that he’s dating — He keeps on rejecting them. And yet they just keep on going.”
“If only you lifted your nose from the books from time to time and were a little more attentive to what’s happening around you, you would have known. You’re three years late.”
I narrow my eyes, “Tell me, Wellbelove. I see your Transformation grades dropping without my help.”
Agatha sighs.
“I think it started a little bit after the dragon thing. When the first girl confessed to him. He only got to be with her for one week, and then... He said ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t fall in love with you. Let’s break up’.”
“How do you know?”
“He has said the same thing to everyone since then.”
“Are they idiots?” I frown. ”Why would they keep trying?”
“I think the first few genuinely had a crush on him. And most of the others probably did, too. Some of us just tried to see with our own eyes. Everyone at school said that going out with him was a fairy tale experience. And I can confirm it. He will treat you so amazingly, take care of you, but he’s also respectful… You know. Like Simon usually is. Kind enough to erase everything else”.
“And he has never cheated?”
Agatha looks down, her long eyelashes quivering. “Not that I’m aware of.”
So that’s what I would get with him… A fairy tale and a heartbreak. Sounds like a perfect deal.
“But it was not my thing,” she adds. “I don’t think I would have stayed with him even if he had wanted to. It was too much.”
A pause. I don’t know if I could deal with the breakup. I love him too much. I’m too greedy. I’ve been after him for too long.
“And now that I answered all of your questions, help me with that Transformation exercise.”
I scoff.
“Fine.”
Simon is waiting for me when all the classes are over.
“Hi,” he greets me with his usual smile. “How did classes go?”
I stare at him. What’s that question for?
“Anyways,” he insists. “Do you want to go out somewhere? Let’s go take a walk.”
My heart gives a few quick traitorous beats.
“Snow, shouldn’t you be somewhere else now?”
“Huh? No?”
I raise my eyebrow. This idiot thinks I pay no attention at all.
“Fencing club?” I ask pointedly.
He pushes his hand through his hair, raffling it with annoyance.
“Ah yes, I should go.” There is disappointment in his voice. I try not to take it personally.
He’s about to go when he turns around.
“Aren’t you in the fencing lessons too?”
I shake my head. “I’m spared for today because I participated in this weekend’s competition. Now go.”
Snow leaves and I head to the room alone. What’s with this sudden urge to spend time together? It can’t be that he took my proposal seriously. Even I didn’t take it seriously myself. He didn’t react at all, so I would rather take it as it is — as a sad joke that echoed for a moment in my head.