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Hwiyoung could hear the rain hammering against the window. A moment of silence, the room was bathed in pure white for mere seconds, then followed by loud thunder rumble. He gasped and hid further underneath the warm covers. Honestly, he knew it was childish. He was twenty-two now. He was not supposed to be so hung up in childish fears and failures. He tried so hard, he really did. Even so, his own body and subconscious betrayed him.
Violent tremors continuously racked his spine and his fingers unconsciously snapped close around the soft fabric of the fleece, purple blanket. He breathed in through the nose, then out through the mouth. This fragrance reminded him of the reason he had to stay strong and fight this.
It smelt like Taeyang.
The older man always used this blanket whenever he came home late and crashed on the couch because he didn’t want to disturb ‘Hwiyoungie’s beauty sleep’ as he always said, or rather complained. Once he even had the nerve to claim in front of their little group of friends that Hwiyoung had kicked him the night before the moment he touched the mattress! To Hwiyoung’s defense, it was only a ‘light’ kick. He loved Taeyang, he really did. But that night, he had forgotten (or was too tired) to take a bath so the smell of cigarettes and whiskey combined with cold feet and hands that wouldn’t mind their own business, had woken Hwiyoung up.
Now that he thought about it, maybe he had been a little harsh. After all, Taeyang always waited for Hwiyoung to come home when he was the one working until late.
The night sky once again faded momentarily into glorious, vast white and another rumble shook Hwiyoung to the very core. There was the all mighty, bratty Kim Hwiyoung trembling in fear over something he couldn't understand. Something he couldn’t control.
When he was a child it was so much worse.
This fear started when he was seven. No one believed him, his nanny said it was ‘just a phase’. His grandmother (His mother’s mother, a wicked witch in her own right. It was such a relief when she, at some point, somehow managed to escape from her caregiver and disappeared. Made his life a tiny bit easier.) claimed that he only did that because he wanted to be the center of everyone’s attention. He was always alone though, biting his lower lip and trying to stifle down his sobs. Hiding underneath his covers and pretending that those flashes of white were due to light elves using ancient gates to come into this world and the rumbling was the world shaking underneath their magnificent feet, like in those stories his uncle used to tell him whenever he visited.
This exact same fear. . .It was a constant reminder of his stubbornness to shed those cruel memories away and live in the present.
And suddenly it was all gone. His tremors subsided and his muscles relaxed as long, slender fingers ran their way through his dark, brown-colored hair; a voice he had grown to love muttering sweet nothings and taking his pain, fear and loneliness away. A soft sigh escaped his lips and he let himself drawn into the beautiful sound of his beloved's singing voice.
~ Little child, be not afraid
Though rain pounds harshly against the glass
Like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger
I am here tonight ~
The lullaby did wonders. By the end of it, Hwiyoung had stopped trembling altogether. He finally dared to open his eyes, storm be damned, and there was Taeyang in all his glory, sitting beside him, wearing this ridiculous ‘hug me not, I kid you not’ grey hoodie Dawon brought him last month for his birthday and leaning against the headboard of their king sized bed. He caught Hwiyoung’s gaze and smiled fondly before leaning down –elbow resting on the pillow right above Hwiyoung’s head- and teasingly blowing some air into the younger man’s, astoundingly red by now, ear.
Hwiyoung gasped in surprise and punched his gentle attacker’s chest in retaliation.
This little game of theirs was Taeyang’s way of showing affection. Currently, his ‘I’m worried, please talk to me and set me at ease’ affection. Taeyang was a man who didn’t hold back in constantly showering the people he loved and cared about with love and appreciation.
Sometimes, it was overwhelming
''Taeyang, you really don't have to bring me flowers every day, then proceed to cling to me like a panda! I swear sometimes you're just. . .I have a cold, I'm not dying!'' which was naturally and graciously ignored for the sake of more nagging and constant lectures over how wrong and stupid it was to jump into the sea in the middle of winter. Which was a shame, really. But only real intellectuals like Sanghyuk and himself could appreciate the beauty of doing things of a whim.
Most of the time, it was needed.
What really intrigued Hwiyoung, however, was the fact that Taeyang never cared if he got anything in return or not. He was neither a hypocrite, nor gullible. A man so free spirited, so knowledgeable yet not bitter about the world! The exact opposite of Hwiyoung. Nevertheless, they fit so well together. Every day spent with Taeyang was for Hwiyoung, a puzzle piece. All those pieces constantly gathered; more and more, until the whole picture was drawn.
Hwiyoung knew though. Oh, he did. Even eternity wouldn’t be enough. He needed more, he craved more.
‘’What are you thinking, hm? I can see those clogs in here turning ~ ‘’ Hot breath tickling his ear pulled Hwiyoung out of his quite poetic train of thoughts. Taeyang was nuzzling his nose against his hair, his lips purposely grazing his sensitive ear, his free hand travelling down Hwiyoung’s back slowly, fingers tracing exposed skin with seductive gentleness.
That wicked, ethereal creature.
Hwiyoung shivered but this time, it was neither from the cold nor his fear of the storm. ‘’I’m thinking of ways you can help me forget about this shitty storm outside, and quite honestly? I think I found one. Can you bring me to Hogwarts please?’’ He rolled onto his back (tangling his legs in the covers, and fleece blanket now laying abandoned at his side since the real deal was here) and stared directly into Taeyang’s dark, always unreadable and filled with stars, eyes.
And yet, one thing Hwiyoung could clearly see was that the damned demon was enjoying this immensely.
‘’Oh? Am I getting anything from pleasing his majesty?’’ said Taeyang, grinning cheekily.
Hwiyoung narrowed his eyes and scrunched up his nose. ‘’Maybe a camel, a pink elephant, a pile of crap and Dawon’s dirty underwear if you don’t stop teasing me.’’
Taeyang chuckled and shook his head in amusement, but said nothing. Hwiyoung frowned at this; it wasn’t like him not to indulge in one of their usual, childish fights. His lover’s self restraint was impressive but Hwiyoung had offered him the perfect excuse to either start a pillow fight or give in to those primarily instincts and let raw pleasure overtake him. But no, after mercilessly taunting him, the older man pulled back and resumed his place against the cold, wooden headboard, legs crossed at the ankles. Like one of those high and mighty Lords in tales of old.
In the far off distance, the sound of thunder, dark and sinister, could still be heard. The sense of foreboding increased and Hwiyoung turned over onto his side with a groan, nestling his head down into Taeyang’s lap.
Warm fingers found, then began threading their soothing way through Hwiyoung’s messy hair once again. ‘’. . .I will call Inseong to go and check things over at the bar. I can’t leave you alone like this. Youngbin called me and he’s already there with Jaeyoon. I’m sure they can handle things by themselves for one single night.’’ Taeyang said softly and Hwiyoung was pretty sure by the tone of his voice that he was frowning deeply.
‘’Don’t.’’ Replied Hwiyoung in a mutter. ‘’Don’t call Inseong. He is supposed to go on a date with Sanghyuk tonight, right? Let him have some fun, he deserves it. They both do.’’ Unconsciously, his hand came up and caught Taeyang’s baggy pajama trousers in a death grip. It was Friday night, Seokwoo was working the night shift at the local hospital and Zuho was spending the weekend at his parents’. ‘’I will just. . .I don’t know, watch whatever. So go.’’ Since sleep was definitely out of question unless he let himself fall into the sweet trap of sleeping pills.
He wanted to ask, demand, even beg Taeyang to stay so that he could lock his fears into their casket. It was so foolish. How could he be this selfish?
‘’And leave you here alone to marathon the entirety of One Piece for the sixth –don’t you dare interrupt me- time?’’ A loud, exasperated sigh resounded around the room. ‘’I’m taking you with me, ’’ Taeyang continued before Hwiyoung was able to interrupt. ‘’or dropping you off at Seokwoo. ‘’
‘’I’m not particularly fond of seeing Seokwoo right now, thank you very--‘’
‘’Then it’s settled, you’re coming with me.’’
At this Hwiyoung let out a moan of protest and buried his nose into the fabric of the older man’s trousers. He was unquestionably a sight to behold: shirtless, legs trapped into the covers, head using his lover’s lap as a cushion and no desire to move any time soon.
Taeyang stubbornness sometimes was more than merely frustrating.
‘’Alright you damn sunshine. Don’t blame me if I end up using your bathroom stools as a bed.’’ He grumbled even though they both knew he wouldn't, and reluctantly detached himself from Taeyang’s warm body, sat up and rubbed his tired eyes.
When he looked up, he found Taeyang watching him with a soft smile playing on his lips. In some freaky, supernatural way, he already knew what Taeyang was thinking.
Always buried deep into his fantasy novels. It was no wonder that his mind was constantly flying. He was an explorer, a beautiful, wise explorer.
‘’One day. Someday I’ll solve you. Your complexity is astonishing. But you confuse me greatly, my love.’’
The corners of Hwiyoung’s lips tugged slightly upwards, returning the smile with one of his own. This time though, it lacked his usual cheerfulness and playfulness. It was a real, sincere smile.
‘I’m not one of those noble characters in your precious but quite unrealistic books, Yoo Taeyang. Your trust in me is. . .burdening.’
He didn’t have to say it aloud, Taeyang understood, he always did. For he got up, leaned forwards and kissed Hwiyoung’s forehead gently. It was sweet, delicate.
A declaration to Hwiyoung, to the storm, to the world.
‘Even so, I’ll fight with you. I’ll fight for you.’