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Megumi doesn't think he's ugly, not at all actually, he likes to think of himself as decent looking, but only because he doesn't want to fuel his own ego, other people have told him multiple times that he's pretty and so many other synonyms, he doesn't think he has a bad personality either, sure he's antisocial, and gets irritated easily, and doesn't like most people or know how to make friends, but he does have friends who like him and that should enough proof that he is tolerable enough to have admirers.
Then why the hell does Itadori Yuuji not like him back?
At first, Megumi was trying to convince himself that what he feels for Yuuji is nothing more than the mutual feelings between friends, but he knew that was bullshit, even if he refused to admit it at first, you don't just casually think about kissing your friends whenever you see them.
But he learned to accept those feelings, even if they annoyed him, even if they made him tempted to just say "Fuck it" and act on them. He learned to accept that his heart will probably never stop acting the way it does every time Yuuji is around and the warm feeling he gets in his chest when Yuuji smiles so brightly at him.
But one thing he will never, ever accept, is the feeling of jealousy, it was never serious, just him getting irritated or pouty whenever Yuuji would get overly affectionate with anyone besides him, or that one time he couldn't watch a movie with him because he had plans with his other friends, it wasn't that bad, yes it was annoying, but all the giddiness he'd feel when Yuuji would try to make it up to him, either by spending a whole day with him, or treating him to ice cream, or sometimes both, makes him forget he was ever annoyed.
This time it's different though, as Yuuji talks about his boyfriend with a smile on his face, but this time the smile doesn't make Megumi's heart melt, it has a completely opposite effect.
"Hey Megumi! Megumi? Are you listening?" Yuuji's voice interrupts Fushiguro's train of thoughts, and the latter turns around to face his pouty friend, but he can't find it in him to smile or tease him, he just sighs.
"I'm sorry, Itadori, I don't feel so well."
Yuuji's eyes soften, and he rests his hand on Megumi's shoulder, "You okay?"
"I'm fine, just a bit tired is all." Megumi can see Nobara eyeing him from the other side of the table, and he knows she doesn't believe him and will be demanding answers later, which makes him feel even more drained.
"Do you want me to take you back to your room?"
"I can go by myself." It comes out colder than he intends it to be, and he can feel Yuuji's hold on his shoulder shake a little. "Thank you, though. We can talk about your boyfriend some other time, when I'm feeling better, okay?" Megumi doesn't mean for it to sound so bitter, but it does, fortunately Yuuji doesn't catch on, he just smiles and nods, promising he would be back to their dorm room later tonight to talk Megumi's ear off.
Megumi stands up and leaves, his heart feels so heavy, and he doesn't even find it in him to be annoyed, he just feels numb, he wants to go back to his bed, and sleep for the longest time possible, maybe until his unnecessary feelings for Yuuji go away or until Yuuji and his boyfriend break up.
Turns out, it's not that easy, he tosses and turns around in bed, unable to feel comfortable enough to fall asleep, and unable to shut his mind off. All he can think about is that boyfriend of Yuuji's, he doesn't even know who he is, but he envies him so badly, he gets to do and be everything that only exists in Megumi's dream world. gets to do everything that is beyond the platonic barrier between him and Yuuji, the one he is now so afraid of crossing.
He was so close to doing it, before he found out Yuuji is dating someone, his friends would always tell him that there's no way he doesn't like him back, and that they can tell just by the looks Yuuji gives him, and it gave him confidence for a short amount of time, but now he found out all of it was bullshit, Yuuji doesn't like him, and never will. Yuuji has a boyfriend. A boyfriend that isn't Megumi. Someone to kiss and hold him that isn't Megumi.
"Fuck." He whispers, hugging his pillow tighter.
Oh how i wish this was Ita—
"Drop it." He says, loudly this time, as if it's gonna stop the thoughts storming inside of his head.
He takes a deep breath and sits up in bed, looking around the dark and empty room, chuckling humorlessly because it mirrors his feelings perfectly, before standing up and deciding he really needs to get out of there.
He puts his shoes on and walks out, making his way up the stairs and to the roof. He opens the door and shivers as he is hit by the cold breath of late October.
He looks up at the sky and smiles, the stars look pretty and it makes him feel slightly better, he spots Pleiades, and he tries searching for Orion's belt until he finds it, making his smile grow wider. The sight of the stars with the perfect weather makes him feel like everything's fine, he feels calmer, and maybe that's exactly what he needs, even if it may be followed by a storm, he is still going to cherishe it, despite knowing it's not gonna last long.
He stays there, enjoying the silence, both around him and inside of him, until he feels calm enough to fall asleep. He makes his way down the stairs again and to his room, he expects Yuuji to be there already, but he isn't, he sighs and makes his way to his bed, and decides falling asleep is the main priority right now, and not finding out why Yuuji is late.
✺
Megumi curses out loud as he reaches for his phone to turn his alarm off, he opens his eyes and hisses, quickly hiding under the covers from the blinding light before he gets a headache this early in the morning.
But he hears a familiar laugh that makes him poke his head out from under the covers to peek at the figure standing in front of the bathroom door, looking like he just got out of the shower.
"Good morning, Megumi!"
Megumi's ears turn red, because he realizes he has been staring at Yuuji's face for longer than what should be considered appropriate, but Yuuji doesn't seem to notice, and if he does he doesn't seem to mind.
Megumi sits up in bed, rubbing his eyes as he yawns, "Morning. Where were you last night?"
"Ah, were you waiting for me? Sorry… I spent the night at Todo's! I didn't realize it was too late until after we were done, and he told me to stay over."
Megumi furrows his eyebrows.
"Todo? What were you doing there?" Yuuji opens his mouth to answer but words refuse to come out, he just looks at the floor with a blushing face.
It takes Megumi a moment to realize what's happening and why Yuuji is suddenly acting like that, and he turns pale when it dawns on him, "Todo's your boyfriend…" He says, more to himself than to Yuuji, he doesn't need any more confirmation, especially after Yuuji blushes harder and avoids Megumi's eyes.
Megumi feels sick, and so so stupid, he doesn't know which part of it hurts the worst, but god it does.
He feels played, even though Yuuji doesn't know about his feelings, and he didn't promise him anything either, but it still makes him feel like a complete fool.
Megumi forces himself to smile, even though it looks painfully strained, he still hopes Yuuji won't catch on, "I hope you're happy, Itadori." Yuuji just gives him a small smile.
“Anyways! I’m going out now, I'll see you in class, okay?” Megumi just nods, he doesn't have it in him to even ask Yuuji where he's going, it's probably something todo related, so he doesn't want to know, to avoid feeling more like shit.
He hides under the covers again after Yuuji closes the door, deciding he can't be arsed to attend classes, he closes his eyes and leaves everything in the hands of his best coping mechanism: Sleeping.
✺
Megumi is awakened by violent knocks on the door, and he already considers punching whoever that person is in the face, he doesn't feel like getting up, nor does he feel like seeing anyone but he'd rather do that than listening to the annoying sound of a fist continuously banging on his door, especially since they don't seem like they're stopping anytime soon.
He opens the door and is met with a fist a few centimeters away from his face, he steps away, confused, and looks down to find Nobara scowling at him, she pushes him aside and walks in, closing the door behind her.
"Where the fuck were you all day? I thought you died!"
She says, crossing her arms and glaring at him.
"I was sleeping."
"Why didn't you attend your classes?"
Megumi just sighs, making his way to his bed again and crawling under the sheets.
Nobara's gaze softens and she follows him, sitting down next to her frowning friend, "Are you okay?" Megumi shakes his head and it confirms all her suspicions.
She stands up and gets Megumi's laptop and another blanket, she wraps the blanket around herself and opens the laptop under Megumi's confused gaze.
"What are you doing?"
"We're watching Lilo and Stitch, I also got ice cream but it's in my bag, do you think you can go get it?" She points to the bag sitting next to the door without looking at him. She failed to see that the frown is no longer there, instead it's replaced by a small smile, almost invisible. Megumi is thankful, and even though he doesn't know how to show his gratitude with words, he hopes he can with actions, once he feels mentally well enough.
He gets up and gets the bag, taking out the chocolate ice cream pack, his smile widens and he turns towards his best friend, muttering a quiet, "Thank you."
Nobara turns around, raising her eyebrow, "Huh? What for?" He shakes his head chuckling slightly, "For being here."
"Of course, I care about you, you idiot."
✺
megumi
itadori
are you on your way back?
yuuji
not yet
why
do you miss me?;)
megumi
nobaras over
and i was going to ask if you could idk stay back a couple of hours
to give us some alone time
yuuji
oh
yeah sure
megumi
thanks man
✺
Half an hour in, Nobara pauses the movie and turns around to her friend expectedly.
"What?"
He says, when he notices her staring.
"What's wrong? Usually you feel better whenever we watch a Disney movie, but now you can't even seem to pay attention. You can talk to me, You know."
Megumi hesitates, not because he doesn't trust Nobara but because he doesn't like looking vulnerable, and feels embarrassed that he is this upset over a silly crush, even though he knows Nobara would never belittle his problems.
"Is it Yuuji?"
Megumi tenses, and it's enough for Nobara to know she's right.
"Talk to me, Megumi."
"You already know, Nobara. I like him, I like him a lot, and it hurts knowing I don't even have a chance anymore. I didn't mind him not liking me back, but the fact that he likes someone else, when i'm right here. Why Todo? What does he have that I don't? What did he see in him? Why doesn't he like me and want me like I want him?"
Nobara's eyes soften and she rests her hands on Megumi's shoulder, "Megumi.."
"No, no it's fine, don't worry about it, it was just a moment of weakness, it won't happen again."
"There's nothing wrong with showing emotions or opening up, Megumi, and it certainly doesn't make you weak, I love you, okay? Do you think you'd feel better if we took a nap instead?"
Megumi swallows and nods, "Yeah. I love you too, yeah let's– let's take a nap."
✺
For the third time that day Megumi is awakened by the sound of rustling around his room, but this time he doesnt wake up annoyed, in fact he can't feel anything at all, but he decides it's better than the numbness that almost ate him alive.
He sits up in bed, yawning, then he turns to where the noise is coming from: Yuuji.
“Hey, Itadori.”
“Hi.” Yuuji says without looking at him, Megumi doesn’t give it much thought, he probably is looking for some important paper or his nintendo switch, so Megumi stands up and makes his way to the bathroom, ready to finally start his day, at 6 pm.
Megumi’s eyebrow shoots up when he exits the bathroom and finds Yuuji on his phone with a scowl on his face, he makes his way towards him but Yuuji seems too deep in thoughts that he doesn't even notice his presence which makes Megumi pout.
“Yuuji.”
Yuuji raises his head to look at him and something Megumi can't pinpoint flashes in his eyes, before he smiles widely, too widely it catches Megumi off guard.
"Hello Fushiguro, Is something wrong? Do you need anything?" Megumi frowns, "Are you okay?"
Yuuji's smile falters and he turns to look away from Megumi, "Why wouldn't I be?" He mutters
"You're acting strange. Tell me what's wrong."
"I'm fine! Let's talk about you, how did it go with Nobara?" Megumi raises his eyebrow and tilts his head to the side, looking kind of lost.
"Nobara?"
"Yeah! She was here when I came back and she told me about you guys, I'm… happy for you, Fushiguro."
Yuuji's tone confuses Megumi even more, and the fact that Yuuji called him Fushiguro and not Megumi twice already. He knows it's not that big of a deal, but it still makes him feel weird.
Megumi doesn't know what to say, and he isn't even sure what Yuuji means, he's not stupid, he knows Yuuji might be implying that him and Nobara are dating, but what he doesn't understand is why he would think that, did Nobara tell him? What was the purpose of that if she did? And wh–
Megumi's train of thoughts is interrupted by a sob, and he opens his mouth slightly when he notices the boy in front of him with tears filling his eyes. He freezes.
"I'm– I'm sorry– I– I need to go."
Yuuji mumbles while standing up, it's rushed and so quiet, and almost unrecognizable from the sobs leaving his mouth still, but for some reason Megumi still understood.
Yuuji starts making his way to the door, but Megumi reacts so fast, reaching out and holding his wrist while calling out his name softly.
But Yuuji doesn't answer, and keeps his head turned away from Megumi while tears visibly stream down his face as he tries to hold his sobs in.
Megumi lets go of his wrist, and starts walking closer until he's right in front of him, Yuuji turns his head away and closes his eyes, still refusing to look at him.
"Look at me, please?"
Yuuji takes a deep breath and turns his head, crying harder when he makes direct eye contact with Megumi.
Megumi touches under his eyes with his finger tips, beginning to wipe away the tears silently as more fall, but he can feel Yuuji calming down to the touch.
"What's wrong?"
"I lied, Okay!" He says loudly catching Megumi off guard, but he doesn't budge and instead keeps massaging under his eyes. "I lied to you… I'm sorry… I just.." he trails off and pushes Megumi's fingers away, stepping closer so that their chests are almost touching, almost, and leans his head on Megumi's shoulder.
"I said I'm happy for you… Because you and Nobara got together.. But that was a lie, I know it makes me a shitty friend, but i can't help it. i just– Like you a bit too much? And I thought.. I might have a chance with you, but I was too shy to confess so Gojo sensei suggested fake dating someone to make you jealous so you can do it first, but you went and got snatched by someone else.." He chuckles humorlessly, and raises his head, coming face to face with the boy he made feel too many different emotions in the span of twenty four hours, and gives him a small smile.
"You don't have to worry about it, i'll get over it eventually, I'm just– Gonna keep my distance until i figure out what to do, i wish you and Nobara a–" Yuuji is interrupted by the feeling of soft lips between his own, his eyes widening as a gasp escapes his mouth.
Megumi pulls him closer, kissing him like his life depends on it. Megumi thought a lot about the moment of kissing Itadori Yuuji, but none of his imaginations compare to the actual feeling of kissing him. It feels refreshing, Megumi never thought anything would ever make him feel as calm and happy as the sight of the stars does, but kissing Yuuji made him discover he has been wrong all along, that he could experience something better, more intense and quite literally breathtaking, if he was just brave enough, and Megumi is glad that at that moment, he is.
They pull away, and for the second time that night, Yuuji bursts into tears.
"You idiot," Megumi says, leaning in and kissing the tears away from Yuuji's right eye, "You absolute fool," He then kisses his left.
"You really think I would like anyone else? When you're right here?"
Yuuji doesn't answer and Megumi leans in to kiss his forehead, he closes his eyes, cherishing the feeling of Megumi's lips against his skin, in case it turns out his brain is fucking with him and this is all a dream.
"Me and Nobara aren't dating, Nobara likes Maki."
"Then why did she say that? And why were you cuddling when I came in." Yuuji pouts, making Megumi chuckle.
"We were cuddling because I was sulking…" Megumi trails off, the tips of his ear turning red as he avoids Yuuji's curious eyes, "Because of your said boyfriend." He mumbles and a moment of silence passes, then Yuuji starts giggling.
"I can't believe Gojo sensei's plan worked," He leans in and gives Megumi a small peck on the lips while giggling, "I can't believe you were actually jealous."
"Shut up."
"Shut me up."
And Megumi didn't need to be told twice.
✺
“Aw, man, you’re telling me after all that, you’re still the one who confessed first?”
Yuuji holds the phone between his shoulder and cheek as Gojo whines from the other side of the line, "All my hard work…."
"I don't get why that matters," He says, running his hand through Megumi's hair slowly, staring at his peaceful expression fondly as the latter sleeps, head resting on Yuuji's lap. "The outcome is still the same, and… I'm happy."
"Of course it matters! Ugh, kids these days…" Gojo mutters something after, but Yuuji can't tell what it is, or if it is even meant for him to hear, he doesn't know if it's because Gojo said it so quietly, or if he's subconsciously forcing himself not to focus on anything other than Megumi. Megumi's soft hair, Megumi's eyelashes, Megumi's face, Megumi's lips, just everything about the boy that he's grown to adore.
A few minutes later Yuuji hangs up, sighing contently, he is feeling too many things at the same time, but he knows they're all mostly positive, he now knows that it was all worth it, and is glad that he was unable to move on, because otherwise he wouldn't be here, feeling this warm, with the boy he has liked since forever sleeping on his lap.
"What are you thinking about?" Yuuji looks down to find Megumi staring at him with a small smile on his face. "Oh, did I wake you up? Sorry.."
"I wasn't asleep… I was waiting for you to finish so we can cuddle."
Yuuji groans, his face heating up, "Don't say things like that…."
"I really like you."
"Megumi!" Yuji whines, making Megumi chuckle, "It's not like I'm lying."
"Come on, let's just sleep now."
A minute later they are tangled under the sheets, with Yuuji's head resting on Megumi's chest and Megumi's arm around his boyfriend's waist. They feel closer than ever, both physically and emotionally, with the feelings they finally shared embracing them warmly, making falling asleep easier.
✺
"Ugh, why is she taking so long?" Yuuji complains as he waits for Nobara outside the girl's bathroom, eyeing Megumi who is leaning against the lockers.
"I don't even know why she needs to change clothes," Megumi trails off, raising his eyebrows at the smiling Yuuji, "What?"
"What?" He asks, his smile widening, as he too leans against the lockers, "Why are you looking at me like that..?"
Megumi's eyes leave Yuuji as he spots a figure approaching them, and he locks eyes with that person instead. for a second before directing his attention back to Yuuji.
"No reason, I'm just re–" Yuuji's eyes widen as he feels Megumi's lips between his own, moving so gracefully that he is stunned for a few seconds, but when Megumi's hands cup his face he closes his eyes and kisses him back, he can feel Megumi sucking on his bottom lip and if it wasn't for the fact they are in school, Yuuji wouldn't have been able to hold the inappropriate noises begging to leave his mouth in.
Megumi pulls away, and Yuuji's face is as red as ever, his chest heaving, seemingly out of breath. "Wh– What was that for?"
"Yuuji!" Todo's cheerful voice stops Megumi from replying to his boyfriend's question, as the older slings his arm around Yuuji's shoulder, making Megumi's expression harden.
"Oh, hey Todo, how are you?"
"I'm good! I can see you guys finally sorted everything out, eh?"
He says, glancing at Megumi for a second before directing his attention back to Yuuji, who chuckles, cheeks still tinted pink, "Yeah," He turns to Megumi and smiles softly, "We did." Yuuji's expression makes Megumi's chest feel warm, and causes a weird but pleasant feeling in his stomach, which makes Megumi turn his head away, the tips of his ears red.
Megumi sees Nobara leaving the bathroom and he starts walking towards her, deciding it'd be better than standing awkwardly beside the two teenagers while they chat.
"Hey," He mutters, eyeing his friend, who is dressed in a short black sweater dress, with red lipstick and eyeliner on, suspiciously, "Are you sure you aren't going out on a date with someone?"
Nobara smiles and says "We'll see." Which makes Megumi raise his eyebrow.
"Who?"
"Hi Yuuji!" She says, waving at the boy making his way over to them.
"Hey, Nobara, you going somewhere?"
Nobara sighs.
"Why does everyone keep asking me this today? Can't a woman dress up just for the sake of it?"
Megumi sighs and starts walking, leaving the two behind as he aims for the gate.
They catch up with him in a few seconds, Yuuji on his right and Nobara on his left, he looks down at his right hand then reaches over to Yuuji's, interwinding them together and sighing contently.
"Hey, Megumi, did you know I met Yuuji yesterday when I sneaked into your room?"
"Yeah, he told me."
"Did he also tell you how his expression fell when he saw us in bed together? And that he ignored me when I said goodbye?"
Yuuju groans loudly and is about to respond, when megumi beats him to it, "No, but he did tell me you told him we're dating, what was that for?"
"You should be thanking me! I was helping you, i couldn't bear see my friend so sad and h–"
"Zenin-senpai!"
He says loudly, eyes fixated on Maki across the hall, shutting Nobara up.
"What do you want?"
"Nobara has something important to tell you," He says making Nobara glare at him, and Maki turn to look at Nobara in awe, before her expression goes back to being blank again, "Oh, Nobara, i was looking for you yesterday but couldn't find you, I have something to tell you as well, would you like to talk over a cup of coffee? My treat."
Nobara's eyes light up.
"Do i? I-I mean of course!"
"Very well then, would now be a suitable time?" Nobara nods fast, ignoring the two boys next to her and making her way towards Maki, failing to see Megumi shaking his head and laughing.
"So Nobara does like Maki." Yuuji says, making his way out of the school gate next to Megumi.
"What? Did you think I was lying to you?"
"No, I thought maybe she's lying to you."
Megumi chuckles, "Nobara would never like me, trust me I know." Yuuji just hums, looking around him to see if anyone's around, before he stops walking, making Megumi turn to him, confused.
Yuuji leans in, giving Megumi a peck on the lips before he pulls away, which makes Megumi pull him back in again, kissing him harder, for longer.
Megumi still hates jealousy with everything in him, but if the aftermath is gonna be as sweet as Itadori Yuuji, he doesn't mind the bitterness of jealousy as much.