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1.
Mike and Emily are the first to explain it to him, when he storms off from training again after the umpteenth time that Jayden picks on him and tells him off in front of the whole team for things that nobody else would even get a warning for. When they start talking, Antonio’s still looking out at the clear blue water and imagining how nice Jayden would look, with his head held under it.
“For a start,” Mike seems oddly earnest, more serious that Antonio’s ever seen him, “Jayden really, really likes you.”
“He has a funny way of showing it.” And by that, Antonio means ‘not remotely funny’.
“We know,” Emily picks up the explanation, “And we sort of know why, too - more or less. First, he doesn’t know how to show that he likes you.”
“It’s also totally possible that he hasn’t connected the dots yet that liking you and being nice to you should come together,” Mike adds. Antonio frowns at him.
“That’s…Really?”
Emily nods, “Think about it, Antonio - you knew him when you were kids, right? For how long?”
“A few weeks, I guess? Not long.”
“Well, after that, you know he grew up pretty isolated. More than any of us - he never had a normal life, Antonio. He never went to school, he never went to movies, or on vacation. He never went anywhere, really,” Emily explained. “He didn’t have any friends. He only had Ji, and you. And then, Ji and the memory of you.”
“Seriously? That was more than ten years ago.” He knows all this, but has never really thought about the implications for Jayden.
“Yup. He was taught how to lead a team, how to command in combat - but nobody thought to teach him how to behave outside of combat. Or, you know, how to deal with people in general. It took us a while to figure that out.”
“He knows a lot about being the Red Ranger, but not much about being Jayden,” Emily sums up.
“That…Sucks. A lot.”
“Pretty much, yeah.” Mike nods. “Putting together ‘friend’ and ‘person I’m supposed to lead into danger’ is messing Jayden up. So confusion turns into anger turns into lashing out and acting like he doesn’t want you here. And we think he doesn’t want to look like he’s treating you any different because he likes you, which in his mind means being extra hard on you. Or he wants to toughen you up so you don’t get hurt, and thinks this is the way to do it because he doesn’t know any other way.”
“So, what do I do? Just take his crap and live with it?” He knows he will, but asking makes him feel better somehow.
Both Mike and Emily nod, and Mike adds: “Look, we all like you, and sometimes Jayden’s right when he gives you a hard time, so listen to him, but we’ll try to stop him if we can.”
“And we’ll do our best to teach him about being a person, until we’re done with defeating Master Xandred. And after that, he’ll get used to it on his own.” Emily promises, looking too cheerful for Antonio’s bleak mood. “We’ll show him movies and things like that - not Mike’s sort of movies,” she glares at Mike, who shrugs with a charming grin.
“Might give him some ideas, you know.”
“Yeah, no. Absolutely not. Besides, Ji’d kill you if he knew you had those on your laptop.”
“She’s right, bro. Best stick to the Hallmark Specials, with Jayden. I’ll… try to help?” Antonio offers, feeling unpleasantly helpless. Emily smiles and hugs him, which is surprising but a nice feeling.
“Great! We’ll be ok. You and Jayden will be just fine. Count on us.”
Antonio does, and so he waits.
2.
Lauren catches him alone, the night they all celebrate their victory over Master Xandred. She’s still pale and tired, with her arm in a sling, but glowing with happiness. Antonio’s practically drunk with it, with the sense that life can finally get back to normal now. Her first words bring him sharply down to the ground, though.
“You really like my brother, don’t you?”
He flushes, and she looks at him steadily until he nods, swallowing hard. What if Samurai aren’t actually allowed to be into guys? Or to have friends? But she nods as well.
“I’ve noticed you looking. And -” she continues while he’s still drawing breath to apologize, “I’ve noticed Jayden looking back. He likes you, too. I’m glad he has you as a friend, Antonio.”
“Oh.” Awkward. “Um. I’m really glad to have him. And glad he has me, because - no offence, Lauren, his people skills suck.”
“Yes,” she agrees simply, which startles him, but she’s been one ongoing surprise since she first shows up. “As do mine, so what I’m about to say may sound cold and heartless, and I’m sorry for that, but I’m only looking out for my brother.”
“Is this where you tell me to get lost?” He bristles - what right does she have to order him away? He knows Jayden better than she does.
“No. This is where I ask you to wait.” She doesn’t look angry or threatening, and he tilts his head, prompting her to continue. “Jayden and I - we both need to learn how to live. I’m not sure he can learn, with the entire team around him. He’s too used to being a leader, and not enough to being his own person. I think - he needs to find himself.”
“And he can’t find himself if I’m around?” Antonio’s not sure whether he should be insulted or not, “I want to help him. He’s my best friend.”
“I know, Antonio, I know you want to help. I’m just -” She shakes her head. “I’m terrible at this, I’m sorry.”
“You want me to let him find himself without me,” Antonio decides to help her along, in a (probably misguided and self defeating) burst of generosity.
“Without all of you, not only you in particular. I think - to find himself as a person, Jayden needs to not have a team to lead.” She nods and looks relieved, and Antonio remembers that he likes her, and that maybe she does know how Jayden’s mind works, being screwed up herself in about the same way. “I - I‘m sorry. I really am. But I think it’s best if Jayden was alone for a while.”
Any elation at their victory is long gone. Antonio holds on to a bit of hope, just so he can walk away from this without feeling like he’s lost everything, “If - eventually - Jayden finds himself, and if he finds himself as - my friend - or as - more, maybe -” If his face gets any hotter his head might explode, he just knows it, and he trails off before he embarrasses himself further. This time it’s Lauren who helps him out.
“I’d be very happy for you both,” she smiles. “Really. I like you, Antonio.”
“Good.” He feels like he’s just run a marathon, light-headed - but not without hope. “That’s golden. Thanks.”
The next day, Antonio leaves.
3.
Mia calls him two weeks later, and how she managed to get the number for a satellite phone on the fishing boat he’s on, he has no idea.
“Antonio, you’re an idiot.”
“Hi Mia, I’m fine, thanks for asking, and how are you?”
“Furious. What were you thinking?”
“Um… About what?”
“Leaving like that. I thought you’d only be gone a few days.” She really sounds angry, and Antonio shifts his weight uncomfortably, guilty over something he doesn’t know yet (but can probably guess).
“First of all, I told you all I’m going on a trip around the world, I meant that. Second, why wouldn’t I leave? What’s wrong? Are - were we not done? Do we - is there still - work?” He has to be careful, there are too many normal guys on the boat for him to discuss certain things openly, like the whole Power Ranger thing.
“No, not that,” Mia reassures him, and he relaxes slightly - too soon, as it turns out. “I meant how you just ditched Jayden.”
“Excuse me? I didn’t ‘ditch’ him. There was nothing keeping me there, Mia. I don’t owe him anything.” Jayden could’ve asked him to stay, and didn’t. That, in Antonio’s book, meant he’s a free man.
“I thought you were his friend.” Her tone is both accusing and disappointed, and he’s not sure whether he’s more angry or guilty.
“Of course I’m his friend! I was trying to do what’s best for him. Lauren said he needed time alone to find himself, so I’m giving him time alone.”
Mia heaves an explosive sigh on the phone, and Antonio swears he can hear her rolling her eyes. “Lauren is also an idiot, for the record. And so is Jayden.”
“So you’re surrounded by idiots. And I’m surrounded by miles and miles of water, Mia, so how can I help you, exactly?” The Captain’s looking at him funny, and even though Antonio hates to be short-tempered like that, especially with Mia, he can’t draw this out too long.
“Wasn’t I clear before, Antonio? You were an idiot to leave, Jayden was an idiot to let you, Lauren was a huge idiot to tell you you should leave, and you should come back, because Jayden’s a wreck.”
“Oh.” Damnit. “Mia, next time you wanna say: ‘Jayden’s a wreck, come back’, could you just open with that?” His mind was racing, listing through the ways he could get back to California, soonest. “It’ll take me a day or two to get back.”
“Good enough. Jayden’s not doing too well with being a normal person-”
“No, really.” He snorts, and she chuckles but doesn’t sound very happy.
“Yeah, I don’t know what Lauren was thinking, except she’s probably as bad as he is, wherever she’s gone to. Anyway, he’s pushing us all away, and he needs people around him, people who like him. Possibly even people who’re crazy in love with him.”
“Mia!” He’s blushing again, and he knows there’ll be questions and teasing about it later; maybe it’s a good thing he’s leaving. “So everybody knows except Jayden, huh?”
“Jayden… Well, you know him. He’s not that good at reading a situation. Or people. You might need to spell it out.”
Antonio groans. “I suck at spelling.”
“I’m sure you’ll manage. Just...tell him. Directly. Clearly. Somehow.”
“Somehow. Helpful. Thanks.”
“Come on, don’t be like that. One flash of your smile and he’ll be a puddle at your feet, as usual. Maybe this time he’ll even figure out what it meant, that he got that goofy expression whenever he saw you.”
“He did?” Antonio never noticed, but then he was trying not to think about it and not to be too obvious, so it’s possibly he just never looked at the right moment.
“Totally. You’ll be fine. Good luck.”
“Thanks.” As he hangs up and fends off the questions from the crew, Antonio’s lost in imagining Jayden looking at him with a goofy, melty expression.
Magnifico.
He can’t get off the boat fast enough.
4.
Kevin gives him a way in, surprisingly enough. He calls Antonio about as soon as his feet hit the ground coming off the bus from the airport. Antonio hates flying, and he’s queasy and tired and irritable, so it takes him a moment to catch what Kevin’s saying.
“There’s a swim-for-charity thing that I’m doing tonight, and Jayden’s going to be there. Make sure you’re there as well.”
“Swim- for- huh?” Not quite up to his usual brilliant standards, Antonio admits to himself as he fumbles and drops both phone and carry-all, and bumps into an old lady trying to pick them up without getting trampled in the process. “Hello?”
“Antonio, it’s Kevin,” Yes, he’d skipped that part, “Mia told me you’re coming back to town. Don’t go to the Shiba House, come to the charity event tonight.” He rattles off the address, and by then Antonio’s brain is fully caught up to the conversation. “It’ll give you and Jayden a chance to meet on neutral ground. He’s been sort of kicking all of us out of the compound whenever we’ve tried to visit, but he promised he’ll be there tonight. I told him it was a team thing, figured it would work.”
“Devious, I’m impressed.” Not like Antonio didn’t know there was more to Kevin than a stick up his ass and tradition coming out his ears, but him manipulating Jayden like that is still a surprise.
“I’m worried about him. I had a team to return to, a goal to work towards, and he doesn’t anymore. I have no idea what I’d do, if it was me.”
“Probably exactly what he’s doing right now?” The guys are still too goal-oriented for normal lives. Antonio just hopes that Kevin’s dreams don’t crash and burn anytime soon, because dealing with picking up and sorting through the broken pieces of two people at the same time might be too much entirely. “I’m glad you’re where you’re happy, man.”
“Now we just need to get Jayden to where he’s happy, too.” Kevin sounds as serious as he ever did while planning strategy against demons. “That’s up to you, Antonio. We’ll help as much as we can, but I think you’re the only one who can drag him out of the funk.”
“No pressure, huh?” Antonio squints in the bright sun and slips his sunglasses on. “You’re really okay with this, man? Me and Jayden?”
“Well…” There’s a note of hesitation in Kevin’s voice that Antonio appreciates more than a flip dismissal of his concerns. “I want him to be happy, and you too. You’re my friends. Besides, warrior bonds happen all the time in the traditional stories, so I figure, do whatever makes you both happy, right? We’re - we’re allowed to live our lives now, the way we want to. And I think your life includes him and his life includes you, so…”
This very unexpected display of poetic emotion from Kevin makes Antonio stop in his tracks and blink hard against the sudden glare of sun in his eyes - absolutely the glare, nothing else, even if he’s wearing sunglasses - before he can talk again. Even after he takes a moment to compose himself, all he can manage is “Thanks, man.”
“Tonight, don’t be late. There’ll be marked seats.”
5.
Jayden doesn’t even notice him when Antonio drops into the seat next to him. He’s staring fixedly at the floor and ignoring everybody else around him. Antonio waves at Mia and sends her an air kiss over Jayden’s head, before poking him the the shoulder. Jayden jerks and raises a stiff forearm, knocking his hand back without even looking at him.
“Ow.” Antonio rubs his hand, scowling. “Not the kind of attention I was looking for.”
Jayden twitches again at the sound of his voice, and finally looks up at him. His eyes, dull at first, fill with life and then with joy, and Antonio feels cautious happiness starting to bubble in his stomach. “Antonio?”
“In the flesh,” Antonio grins, and - no way - Jayden really does melt a little, tension visibly seeping out of him. “Like anybody else’d dare poke you like that. Especially when your reaction involves hitting - is that a new thing?”
“An old one,” Jayden mutters, looking down again and flushing. Antonio pokes him again, more gently. “Hey - I’ll hit you again.”
“No you won’t.” He’s grinning like an idiot and doesn’t care, he’s just so happy to see Jayden that not smiling isn’t an option. “You’re too happy to see me.” He can see the faint shadow of a smile on Jayden’s face, and his own smile widens a notch. Victory. Or at least, step one. “Now, pay attention to me.”
“I should be paying attention to Kevin. I’m here for him.” But Jayden isn’t looking at the pool, which is still empty anyway; he’s looking at Antonio out of the corner of one eye and making a show of still looking at the floor. “I thought you went on a fishing trip around the world.”
“I did. Came back.” Following Jayden’s example, Antonio looks at the floor as well. He thinks it’s boring as hell, but it’s part of the game.
“Why?”
It’s a blunt question, and Antonio decides it’s time to answer just as bluntly and start spelling things out. “Missed you.”
It’s a start, and Jayden looks up at him briefly, as if weighing the answer. He looks down again, his shoulders slumped. “Sorry.”
“What are you sorry about? I’m the idiot who walked away.” There’s a thread of anger in Antonio’s voice and he reins it in quickly. He’s not angry with Jayden, mostly with himself and with Lauren, and doesn’t want any confusion on that point.
“You’re not an idiot. Why would you want to stay?” He sounds… lifeless. Depressed.
“Did you miss the part where I missed you?” Antonio pushes his shoulder lightly, and this time he’s rewarded with a full glare. It’s better than the dull stare of before.
“Will you stop pushing me?”
“Nope. I tried that, it ended up with me halfway across the world, and you locked up in your room like a twelve year old girl.” Antonio meets the glare steadily. “So now I’m back, and we need to talk.”
“You want to do this here?” Jayden indicates the pool and the bleachers, but he’s still looking at Antonio. Antonio tilts his head sideways, half-shrugging.
“We can go somewhere else.”
“I’m here for Kevin.”
“And I’m here for you. If you insist, we can wait until after the race, but you’re not avoiding this.”
Jayden slumps again. He looks exhausted, and scruffy, and he’s lost weight. Antonio still finds him absurdly hot, so of course he has to open with “You look like crap.”
“And you’re gorgeous?” There is only a slight tilt upwards at the end of those words that makes it a question and not a statement, and Jayden’s sort of maybe smiling again. The bubbles of hope and happiness in Antonio’s gut get bigger and faster.
“I was just on a fishing boat for two weeks, what’s your excuse?” He shoots back, and Jayden ducks his head, going just a little pink.
“I thought we weren’t doing this right now.”
“I think we are, anyway.” Antonio looks up and around them, and notes that Emily and Mike have joined them; he didn’t even know they were back in town. They grin at him and Mike opens his mouth, but Antonio raises a hand to silence him. He wants to take care of this one alone, and if Jayden notices that they have an audience, he’ll clam up and there’ll be no talking done by anyone. “Wanna talk to me?”
“No.”
“Liar.”
Jayden raises his head to glare at him. “Take that back.”
“Nope. You could walk away, you’re still here.”
“Walking away is more your style, Antonio.”
“Ouch.” That hurts. Jayden shrugs one shoulder.
“Second time you’ve left and I stayed. Why should I want to talk to you?”
“Fine, then I’ll talk.” Spell it out, Mia said, so alright, he would. Somehow. “The first time I left, I had no control over it, you know that. This time - no excuse, I was an idiot. I listened to your sister, that was stupid of me. In my defense, this time it took me less than ten years to come back.”
“My sister?” Crap. “What does Lauren have to do with this?”
“Uh...Nothing?” Antonio hedges, but Jayden holds him with a fixed stare until he folds. “She suggested that you needed to - find yourself. Without us.” Again, he sees Mike open his mouth, but this time both Mia and Emily clap their hands over his mouth to shut him up. “Like I said, stupid of me to listen. I’m sorry I left you, okay? I missed you, and all the fish in the sea didn’t make me feel better.”
Now Jayden’s finally looking at him properly, and it feels like all the rest of the world falls away. “What if I don’t want to find myself without you? Any of you?”
“Well then, that’s why I’m back. So the option is - there - if you want it - to, uh, find yourself. With me. To find yourself with me.” He knows his face is flaming, and saying it is as hard as wading through mud, but he gets it out somehow, in a rush, the words stumbling and tumbling over each other. Then he waits, breathless, poised on the edge of rejection or acceptance.
“Oh.” Antonio can’t read Jayden’s expression at all, and disappointment starts to creep up on him, until a slow, tentative smile replaces the blankness, “Really? You - you want me to - I mean-”
“You really gonna make me say it, man?” Antonio prompts, when it looks like Jayden’s having even more trouble using his words than Antonio himself did. “I mean, I could, but-”
“But - maybe it’s my turn to say things?” Jayden suggests quietly, a familiar look of determination on his face, and Antonio slumps gratefully.
“Yes, please, your turn - talk.”
Given permission, Jayden hesitates for a long moment, and Antonio can almost see his thoughts racing. The tension draws out until Antonio can’t stand it anymore and cracks a naughty smile, “Would it help if I pretended I was a Nighlok and you needed a strategy to defeat this conversation?”
Jerked out of whatever loop of thought he was caught in, Jayden chuckled and nods, rueful. “Maybe, actually. Talking - it’s hard, you know?”
“Tell me about it.” Antonio rolls his eyes and then grimaces at his own unintentional pun, although Jayden flashes him another quick smile. If they could just communicate in smiles, that would be good too, but they can’t really. “Seriously, though - talk to me, Jay. I mean, I think I was as clear as I could be about what I want. What do you want?”
“That was as clear as you could be? Really?” It’s a deflection and they both know it, but Jayden’s quirked eyebrow is a challenge in itself, and Antonio never was one to back down from a challenge. With a heavy sigh, he faces Jayden squarely.
“You want clearer? Fine. I. Want. You. Jayden Shiba. Screwed up upbringing, samurai codes, and everything else. You’re my best friend, and I want to help you figure out your life, and hope that at the end, whatever life you choose, I’m in it with you. And -” So far so good, and he gets the rest of it out without pausing for breath of he’d lose his courage, “-ifatanypointyoufeellikekissingmethatwouldbenice-”
Antonio’s heart feels like it’ll pound right out of his chest, and for a horrifying moment he wonders if he’s going to puke, which would totally and entirely destroy the moment. And then Jayden smiles, hesitant but bright, and says, “Me too.”
There is a long, long moment of silence. When Antonio finds his voice again, it’s an embarrassing squeak. “Me too? You too what?”
“Everything you said,” Jayden waved a hand expansively. “Me too.”
“Oh. Oh, no. No way.” Antonio shakes his head hard, both to clear it and to stress just how not okay this is. “No, man. You’re not getting out of saying words that easily. I just put myself on the line, here. I deserve better than ‘me too’.” The tension could turn to anger and disappointment all too easily, and he’s holding off on that with an effort, giving Jayden one more chance.
“Is this better?” And before Antonio even knows what’s happening, Jayden comes closer - he was always faster than Antonio, what with samurai training - and his lips are on Antonio’s and Antonio opens his mouth, mostly out of shock, but there are lips, soft and warm, and then there’s tongue, and Antonio gets with the program and kisses him right back, and it’s about as good as he imagined, awkward, with bumping noses and trying out angles and then it’s better than he could’ve imagined, because they just click like they were meant to fit together like that.
When they finally come up for air, there’s whooping and cheering around them and Antonio can see the moment that Jayden realizes that the others are all watching them, and the moment after, when he decides he doesn’t care. He knows there’s a stupid, dazed smile on his face, and that doesn’t matter, either.
“Is that clear enough for you?” Jayden asks, grinning, “It - took me a while, but I think I get it now.”
“Hm…” Antonio grins at Mia, Mike and Emily, who all grin back at him, gesturing for them to get on with it, “I’m not sure I got it. You might need to repeat that, just so I’m really, really clear on what you mean.”
Jayden laughs, pure and joyful and carefree, and kisses him again, and Antonio seriously never wants to stop. He’ll thank the others, later, but in the end, he thinks they managed just fine on their own.
Over his head, a disapproving voice draws him out of what could’ve been an excellent extended make-out session. They both look up at a middle aged woman holding a young girl by the hand. The girl, in her own defense, looks mortified and is clearly trying to drag the woman away.
“Young men, get a room! This is a family event!” She says, scowling at them. Antonio flashes her his best, most radiant grin.
“No problem at all, ma’am.” Mia replies in her most responsible-adult voice, but she’s also grinning.
“Yeah,” Mike pipes up, finishing the sentence for him, “we are family.”
“So, really, no problem at all.” Emily chirps in conclusion.
Antonio shrugs and gets back to Jayden. Talking’s overrated anyway.