Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Megami made her way across the campus, followed closely by Aoi at her heels. She pretended not to hear the glances and whispers floating out around the courtyard. It was an unusual sight to see only two members of the student council together. Normally, the council surveyed the school by themselves then met up after school to discuss their findings. They either traveled in a pack or were lone wolves, never in between. On top of that, it was the intimidating Aoi Ryugoku that was with her, not the usual sober and serious Kuroko who glared at everyone.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I’m just saying,” Aoi glanced at her with her eye. “These are delinquents. They’re pretty unpredictable. Who knows what could happen if all of them decided to gang up on you?”

“Relax, I’m only going there to talk. It’s not like they can afford to even start a fight with me, since most of them are on the verge of being suspended.” Megami gave her a small reassuring smile and said, “Plus, I can handle myself if a fight really does break out. If I need you, I’ll call for you.”

“Yeah, alright. I don’t doubt you could win against the boys, but what about Osoro and the boys combined? Not even that, do you think you could even go against Osoro herself?”

The president fell silent for a moment. She’d actually given thought to the scenario before, wondering if she could handle Osoro in a one on one fight if the occasion ever arose. After a bit of pondering, she concluded probably not, if she didn’t have time to prepare.

“I don’t have any intentions of starting trouble with Osoro. I just need to talk with her. And she’s a reasonable person, I don't think she would go around starting fights without good cause. Look,” she gestured at the group of blondes standing in the distance. “She isn't even with them right now. Crisis averted.”

“If you say so.” Aoi grunted, “Well. I’ll be hanging around this area just in case.”

“Thank you, Aoi. I know you're just looking out for me.”

The slouched girl looked at her one more time. "Whistle if you need me," she said before turning around and splitting ways.

-------------

“Umeji, can I speak to you?” Megami's hand instinctively reached into her pocket for her pepper spray when she saw the entire group of delinquents suddenly straighten up, mind racing as her fingers curled around the can. Was it a mistake to leave Aoi behind? She told herself to calm down. No, she would be okay. There was no need to panic. All she had to do was think clearly and calmly and rationally. After all, that's how she got out of every situation she found herself in.

The right hand man, Umeji Kizuguchi, ran his fingers through his hair and grunted at his group, gesturing for them to relax. Mutters rose from the group before they returned to slouching against the wall, and he faced her.

“What do ya want Ms. President? You got a bone to pick with us again?”

She took her hand out her pocket slowly, readjusting her gloves, then cleared her throat. “Not this time. I’m here to ask about Osoro.”

Umeji’s fists clenched and he leaned forward with an angry scowl. “What do you want with her? Gonna get her suspended again?”

“No,” she said carefully. She stepped back a bit, avoiding his hot angry breath. “I’m not going to do that. I just wanted to ask if she got into another fight recently.”

He paused for a moment, then raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “...Recently? Not that I’ve heard of.”

“Does she normally tell you?”

“Mm, yeah, yeah she always does," Umeji nodded slowly. "She’d definitely bring us along or at the very least tell us ‘bout it. Why so curious, eh?”

“Nothing much.” She leaned against the wall, trying to match his complacent attitude. It was clear they were very defensive over her, and coming off as imposing wouldn't do her any favors. “I saw her with quite a few bruises, and it’s just a little concerning. I want to make sure she’s okay.”

“Oh. Um…” Umeji looked to the side awkwardly. “Listen Megami, you’re getting into some personal territory over here. All I can tell you is it wasn’t a gang fight. But I ain’t gonna tell ya anymore than that.”

“Then I suppose I’ll have to ask her myself.”

“She probably ain’t gonna to tell ya much either,” Umeji said. “I’m just gonna say that.”

“Then can you tell me where I can find her?” She straightened her posture and got off the wall. She couldn’t stand the smell of the incinerator.

“Why should I, hm Ms. President? What are you up to?” He tilted his head, squinting his eyes. “It’s awfully weird of ya to just suddenly come up and ask about this type of stuff, y’know.”

“Umeji, I’m not going to get her in trouble, you have my word. I’m just going to check up on her.”

“Your word huh?” He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced at the rest of the group. They exchanged glances, and he complied. “Alright, alright, fine. She went to the bathrooms near the science lab.”

“Thanks.” Megami nodded her head, “I’ll get going then. Make sure you get to class on time.”

“Whatever.”

-------

“Hey Osoro.” Megami gently closed the door behind her. There was no one else in the bathroom except for the leader of the delinquents, who was standing at the open sink washing her hands. The blonde girl’s sharp eyes narrowed at her voice and she closed the tap.

“Damn it,” she sighed. “Did the counselor call for me again? The hell did I do this time?”

“Actually no, she didn’t. I’m here on my own behalf.”

“Oh.” She reached for the paper towels. “Are you here to lecture me again? Because I didn’t smoke in here-”

“No, no I’m not here to do that. I just want to ask…” She hesitated, which caught her by surprise because she never hesitated. She was the queen of the school, the future CEO of Saikou Corp, the Student Council President - Hesitation wasn't in her nature. So why now? “I just wanted to ask if you’re okay. You know, check up on you and all that.”

“...What?” Her adversary was taken aback, eyes widening a bit in surprise before narrowing again.

“Those bruises on your face. And your arms.” Megami pointed at her throat, “Don’t think I don’t see that one on your neck.”

“That’s what this is about?” She tossed the paper towel into the waste bin.

“Yes.”

Osoro lightly touched her bruised eye, wincing. She murmured in a low voice, “It’s nothing. Got it from a gang fight.”

“Are you sure?” Megami asked. She tried to make it sound like she wasn't lying, which definitely wasn't working.

“C’mon. I get them all the time, there’s no way you haven’t seen them before.”

She did have a point. It wasn’t uncommon for Osoro to walk into class with bloodied knuckles or a bandaid over her cheek, looking like she just came out of a war zone. But this time was different. These markings weren’t the same as the ones she usually had from fights. They were too harsh, too aggressive, too oddly placed to be a simple fist fight between others. She was way too good of a fighter to have those bruises. There was no way she or the boys would ever allow something like that to happen.

Lately, Megami had been thinking about the time she met Osoro’s father in the office during her suspension, how badly he reeked of cigarettes and alcohol. He had a cruel look in his eyes. It was from that moment she started piecing small things together. Why Osoro seemed so withdrawn all the time. Why she sometimes stayed overnight at her friends’ houses. Why she flinched sometimes when someone touched her unexpectedly. Why the counselor always told her not to give Osoro a hard time if she saw her. Why the counselor told her to leave the disciplinary action to her. Not to mention the rumors around campus.

“Yeah, but…” Megami didn’t know how to say it. No, she did know what to say, but the words seemed to reach her throat and get stuck there, unable to move past her mouth.

“Why’re you so worried for me all the sudden anyways?” Her corner of her lips pulled into a soft smirk. “Thought you didn’t care about the big bad delinquent.”

“Osoro, I’m the student president. You’re still a student at this school, no matter what you get yourself into. It is my responsibility to worry about you. And of course I care, why do you think I give you all those lectures?”

It was true. She meant every word of it. In all these years Osoro and Megami had known each other, despite all the times Osoro would poke fun at Megami for being a goody two shoes, despite the amount of times they would butt heads, and despite all the times Megami would get frustrated at her - they never actually hated each other. 

The blonde was quiet for a moment, digesting those words. She knew Megami had probably figured out what was going on. It wouldn’t make much sense to lie to her anymore. She sighed and folded her arms, voice softening. “I know you care, but you don’t have to worry about me. It only hurts for a bit but it’s not that bad.”

Megami’s heart wrenched. She’d never seen Osoro, probably the toughest person she’d ever met, so vulnerable, so fragile. “I know we don’t get along all the time. But I just want to let you know that you can always talk to me or the counselor about what’s going on. Believe it or not, we actually care about how you’re doing.”

Osoro looked at her and she looked at the floor, wanting to say something but she stopped herself. If they cared so much, why would they suspend her? Why would they force her to stay home with him? She wanted to ask. But at the same time, she couldn't hold anything against her. She knew Megami probably only figured out what was going on pretty recently, or else she would have confronted her much earlier. She always somehow figured out what was going on. There was never any hiding from her. 

She turned to the mirror, staring at her beaten up reflection. When people heard that name "Osoro", they all thought of the tough legendary delinquent leader that single handedly defeated a hundred rivals. She was undeniably strong, the strongest in the school, and everyone knew that. But sometimes she didn't recognize who it was when she saw her reflection. On her right cheek was a large bruise that had swollen up. She had tried to put an ice pack over it last night. Her other eye had another large bruise surrounding it, like an ugly purple black eyepatch. There was another bruise on her neck, vaguely shaped like a handprint like someone had choked her. She tried to cover it up with her jacket collar but apparently it wasn’t enough to go unnoticed. She had grown used to it over the years. There were a few more markings here and there, but was it really that bad enough to make Megami actually confront her about it?

“Right.” Osoro looked back at Megami, who was blocking the door. “Um. I’m gonna head back now, so if you don’t mind...”

“I’m serious Osoro.” She had no idea why she was trying to stop her. It would have been much easier to just let this conversation drop. Perhaps it was guilt that it took her that long to figure out what was happening. Guilt that she could’ve been doing something about it all this time, but never did. “I don’t want to see one of my classmates like this.”

“Look.” She let out a tired breath. “I get you’re worried about me. But I get bruised and beaten all the time, and it’s been that way for as long as I can remember. I’ve learned how to fight back. It’s made me who I am.”

Megami bit her lip. No wonder why Osoro was the way she was, if this had been happening since childhood. She forced the words that had been sitting in her mouth to come out.

“It’s your father, right?” She inhaled sharply. “He’s the one who’s been doing this to you.”

Osoro stopped moving towards the door. She was surprised that Megami would actually come out and say it. It was something that everyone seemed to know but would never say. Her small group of friends would never ask her about it or bring it up, but it's not like she wanted them to say it. When they saw a fresh bruise or another one of those small cigarette burns, they'd awkwardly ask her if she was okay, she'd mumble she was alright, and that was the end of the conversation. It was simply uncomfortable to talk about, and that was the reality. 

She gave a smile filled with self pity, almost chuckling. “Who else? Who else would it be besides my old man? You’ve met him, haven’t you?”

“During your suspension. I was present.”

Megami frowned when she recalled the memory. She remembered Osoro sitting uncharacteristically quiet in the chair, nervous brown eyes flickering back and forth. Her father had the same twisted scowl and eyes as her. He had shaggy, unkempt blonde hair, his breath smelled of absinthe and his clothes smelled like smoke. He was rude and blunt, words slurring all over the place. Megami remembered noticing how Osoro’s hands were shaking and how she’d tried to discreetly hide them by sitting on them. She remembered the counselor’s worried eyes tracing Osoro, studying her reaction. She remembered how Osoro had silently followed after him when he left, hands clenching so tightly her knuckles turned white and her fingernails dug into her palm. Megami remembered all of it a bit too well. But at the time it was happening, she had her mind preoccupied with way too many other things and she didn’t give it much thought.

Then she remembered. Something her father said before leaving that made the counselor bury her face into her palms. What was it? He had said something like "I'm going to teach her a lesson when I get back." Of course. How had Megami been so oblivious? How come she didn't figure out why Ms. Kunahito had been crying that day until now? She cursed her stupidity. Of course Kunahito knew what was going on. She was supposed to be counseling the students, supposed to be protecting them, taking care of them. But she had betrayed Osoro, she had delivered her into the hands of her father. That's why Osoro always seemed to hold a grudge against her. Of course. Everything was making sense now.

“Then you know what a piece of shit he is,” Osoro growled. “If you think I look bad now, you should have seen me when we got back to the house after I got suspended. He gave me hell.”

“Osoro-”

“Always coming home late drunk off his mind.” She clenched her fists and her eyebrows scrunched up angrily. “You would think he would learn to at least make it subtle. You would think he would at least learn that the teachers would start keeping an eye. But he doesn't care. He never cared.”

Megami reached out an arm to gently touch her shoulder, but Osoro lowered it. Her light brown eyes looked like it had been sparked into a fire. Her voice trembled with anger and her eyes were no longer staring at Megami but the ground, jaw clenching and unclenching.

“And I don’t even have the heart to fight back my old man. Maybe it’s ‘cuz I still remember him, still remember who he used to be before he got into all that shit. It’s the alcohol, eh? Messes with your head. Can’t tell the difference between your own kid and a punching bag.”

“Osoro…” Say something, Megami, she thought to herself. Come on. You always know what to say. You always know what do. Say something. Anything.

“You wanna know how far he goes?” Anger and venom was seething from her teeth and all the years of pent up rage was bubbling up. She couldn’t stop as the words came pouring out like fiery lava, a burning anger that exploded out of her. “You know this scar I have on my cheek? Can you guess where that came from?” Megami opened her mouth, but Osoro cut her off. “He smashed a fucking beer bottle on me. I was only twelve, you know that? And when the doctors asked what happened, the bastard had the audacity to lie and say that I fell off my bike."

Megami was speechless. Say anything! Useless! You're too slow! “Osoro I-”

The angry blonde was deaf to her own anger, wanting to punch something, she felt like ripping apart anything she could get her hands on. She caught a glimpse of Megami's expression, then closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to calm down. “I’ve said more than I meant to. Now if you’ll excuse me, class is about to begin. I gotta get going.”

Megami's mind raced with a million thoughts. What could she say at this moment? How could she reach out to her? But it was too late. She was already gone. The door was closed, and she was left standing there, mouth open and mind blank, all alone in the empty bathroom.

Chapter Text

“That concludes our daily meeting.” Megami neatly tucked the papers into the folder and closed it. “Questions, anyone?”

The five student council members sat at the long table, glancing at each other. They were glad Megami was back from her absence. Though she refused to tell anyone why it was gone for so long, it didn’t matter to them. Their leader had been back for around a month now, and everything seemed to have gone back to normal. Even if they had been able to continue their meetings through video call the past weeks, it lacked the same efficiency and neatness that Megami always brought to the table in person. Just her presence was enough to bring that sense of calmness and authority that none of them could seem to replicate.

“I do have something to bring up,” Kuroko said while pushing up her glasses. “Ms. Kunahito would like one of us to deliver Osoro Shidesu’s homework to her some time later today.”

Shiromi chuckled. “She got suspended again? You gotta be kidding me, this has to be a record at this point. What for?”

“I do not think I am able to disclose such personal information, but the suspension will last until the end of the next week. I am afraid I will not be available later today, so someone else will have to visit her.”

“Well I’m busy too so it’s not gonna be me,” Shiromi said. “Who usually gives it to her?”

“I’ll do it,” Megami said.

Everyone stared at her in surprise. It was common knowledge her schedule was packed to the brim. They admired her work ethic, but it was no secret that Megami barely had time to set aside for matters that didn’t involve her training. Yet their leader only stared at them back with those intent silver eyes.

“Are you sure?” Akane asked. “Don’t you have a meeting with some board members at your company today?”

“I can do it if you want,” Aoi grunted. She straightened her back a little bit and faced Megami. “You’re busy with other stuff. I’ll take care of it.”

“It’s alright,” Megami glanced at her watch. “I have a few minutes allotted for a break today. I’ll just go to her during that time.”

“You should use that time to rest.” Aoi lightly shook her head. “You’ve got enough on your plate already. Don’t push yourself over something as small as this.”

“Aoi, it’s really not that big of a deal. Plus, you and Osoro don’t really get along to say the least. There’s no telling what would happen if you two are alone with each other. And I know her a bit better than you all so it’s not like it’ll be awkward either,” Megami said. “I think it works out well, doesn’t it?”

“If you really insist, I suppose there’s no reason for us to oppose,” Kuroko said. She was still confused why Megami was so adamant on going to the leader of the delinquents, someone who was practically her polar opposite. This was the same girl who put her duties above everything else, even herself. She would normally never concern herself with such a trivial matter. “Will you be alright? Taking into mind Osoro’s history, it might not be a terrible idea to at least have Aoi accompany you.”

The blue haired girl shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind. If she tries to start anything, she definitely can’t take on the two of us at once.”

“It’s not like Osoro’s going to try to fight us out of nowhere,” Megami insisted. “She’s not as bad as she seems.”

The group broke out in low murmur and the president raised her hand to quiet them. “I know you all are worried that it will impact my schedule, and I’m touched that you’re all concerned, but it’s honestly not that big of a deal. It’ll take a few minutes at most, I promise.”

Shiromi shrugged. “Hey, you’re the president. We’re not gonna argue.” She leaned back in the chair and propped her feet up on the desk, much to Kuroko’s disdain. “So it’s decided yeah? Megami will do it. Meeting’s over?”

“If there’s nothing else to report, then yes, we can conclude this meeting.” Megami surveyed the table. No one spoke up or raised their hand and she nodded. “Dismissed.”

-----------

Megami knocked on the door. Three short and light raps, professional and polite. “Ms. Kunahito,” she called out. “May I come in?”

The door swung open and a woman with red glasses and hair tied up in a bun poked her face out. She smiled warmly at the girl. “Of course, come in, come in. What do you need?”

“You wanted one of us from the council to deliver some homework right?” Megami followed her into her office and stood at her desk as the counselor sat down in her chair. 

“Oh, yes. It’s for Osoro.” Kunahito reached down into her filing cabinet and dug through the folders. “Are you the one delivering the homework?”

“Yes.”

The counselor raised an eyebrow curiously. “Really? I’d imagine you’re quite busy for something like this.”

“I am, but I have a short break later in the day. I’ve been meaning to talk with Osoro so I figured I might as well just take the opportunity while it’s presented.”

“Talk with her?” Kunahito handed her the papers. “Did she get in trouble with you as well?”

“She’s been suspended so many times so… you know, I wanted to see if anything’s going on with her. I’m the student president after all, I want to do my best to make sure she’s okay. And you know how she doesn’t like cooperating with teachers. She might open up to a fellow student.”

“That’s very admirable of you, Megami.” She sighed, “It’s true, she doesn’t like opening up to me, even though I try my best to be patient with her. I do suppose having another student talk with her might not be a bad idea. Are you friends with her?”

“Friends?” Megami blinked hard. She’d never really thought too much about it. Not even Osoro, just friends in general. There had never been enough time for friendships. She took a moment to think and she realized she didn’t have anyone she really called a friend except Aoi. “Not really. I’ve tried, I mean. She can be difficult to get along with.”

“Believe me, I know. I’ve met with her father before and I can understand why she acts out all the time, so I try not to give her a hard time…” Kunahito paused. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be telling this to you. I got too ahead of myself.”

“I remember Mr. Shidesu.” Megami bit her lip. It was an unpleasant memory, but it was one that had truly opened her eyes to what was really going on, and one that had led to their confrontation in the bathroom. 

“Ah. That’s right, you were there for one of the meetings. You’re smart, Megami, so I think you can tell Mr. Shidesu is…” Kunahito frowned and leaned back in her chair, folding her arms. “I worry for Osoro a lot. But she won’t tell me anything and she insists her injuries are from fights, so I can’t do much. If I tell the authorities, she’s probably not going to cooperate with them either. I usually check up on her when I deliver her homework.” 

“Do you need to suspend her? Perhaps you can use other forms of punishment,” Megami suggested.

Ms. Kunahito shook her head. “Principal won’t allow me. She was suspended this time for punching Hoshiko Mizudori and breaking her nose. And I know suspension is hard for her, but I still have to put my foot down when she goes too far.”

“Was there a reason why she did that?” There was always a motive or some intention behind why Osoro would do something so severe. With Hoshiko’s reputation, the possibilities were endless.

“Both are giving me very different sides of the story so I don’t know for sure. Regardless, I won’t tolerate any sort of violence.” She looked up at Megami from her desk. “Do me a favor, Megami. I know you’re really busy, but tell me how Osoro is doing after you visit.”

“Of course.” Megami filed the papers neatly on the counselor’s desk. “I’ll update you as soon as possible.”

“Thank you.” Kunahito smiled again. It meant so much more than she could ever say with her words. “You should get going now, I’ve kept you here long enough.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Megami glanced at the clock. “I’ll visit her sometime tonight.” She bowed lightly and left the room, clutching the small stack of papers.

------------

Megami stepped out of the long black limousine and turned to the house in front of her. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary from the other houses in the neighborhood. Modest in size, a flat grey roof, two stories high with curtained windows on the sides - though certainly small compared to the humongous and well decorated mansion Megami lived in. 

She nodded to her butler, gesturing for him to wait for her. Her eyes drifted around the other houses down the street. Sometimes she wondered how it felt to grow up in a normal family with a normal neighborhood. Walking and biking together with the other kids in the neighborhood to school, laughing and chatting away, playing with each other, anxious and excited for the days to come. It almost felt… nostalgic. Was that even possible? To be nostalgic for something she never had? She shook her head, refocusing her attention. There were more important things to take care of right now.

She found herself ringing the doorbell before she could even think about it. When the heavy footsteps came closer and closer to the door, her heart started beating faster. Why was she so nervous? She inhaled deeply, preparing herself.

The door opened slightly, and there Osoro was, half standing in the doorway, half hidden behind the door. Her blonde hair was tousled and in need of a brush, as it always was, and she still had that constant permanent scowl on her face, an angry troubled look etched into her light brown eyes. The bruises from their last encounter had faded into a light yellow, though they were still obvious if you looked at her for more than a few seconds. There were new small bruises too, though they weren’t as bad as before and were probably from light scuffles. And of course, there was that cross shaped scar on her cheek. Megami swallowed lightly when she remembered how she got that scar.

She wasn’t wearing her school uniform, but she still had that iconic black coat sitting on her shoulders. That was her trophy, her most prized possession. Megami had never seen her without it. It was a symbol of her strength, a declaration to anyone who wanted to challenge her. Everyone in the vicinity knew the story behind the jacket. It was enough to make any normal person run off in fear.

“You again.” The blonde’s low and rough voice rang out into the night, slightly annoyed.

Megami cleared her throat lightly. “Yes, it’s me again.” She glanced behind the door. The house seemed pretty empty. “Is your father home?”

Osoro’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. She was trying to figure out what Megami was doing at her house, and that question made her uneasy. “...No? He doesn’t come home until pretty late at night. Usually. I try to get out of the house before that happens. What’s it to you?”

“I’m here to deliver your homework. Even though you’re suspended until the end of next week, it is important that you maintain your grades.” Megami held out the stack of papers. “And while I’m here, I’ll collect your homework from last week for Ms. Kunahito.”

“Don’t you have other things to do?” Osoro asked. It’d always been Kunahito who gave her the homework. Why had Megami decided to pay her a visit so randomly? The last time they’d had a full on conversation was in the bathroom, around two weeks ago. Was she trying to check on her? Was that the reason? Should’ve never told her anything. “Like don’t you got company training or some crap like that? Why’re you visiting me all of a sudden?”

“I do have company training, but I’m on a short break right now. Is there a problem with me visiting you?” She asked in a calm voice. 

“Gah-” Osoro slapped her forehead frustratedly. “No, there’s nothing wrong with you visiting - I didn’t mean it like that .”

“I can have Aoi Ryugoku come instead if you’d like.” 

“ No ,” Osoro spat out. “Keep your bloodhound away from me.”

“Bloodhound?” Megami raised an eyebrow. “You mean Aoi?”

“That one eyed bitch with the eyepatch. I swear she always follows my group around. I can't catch any breaks when she’s constantly breathing down my neck.”

Megami grimaced, and felt a small ball of guilt knotting in her stomach(1). “Don’t call her that. That is no way to address your classmate, especially when it comes to her disability.”

“Whatever. Just give me the homework.”

Osoro fully stepped out from behind the door, and Megami’s eyes fell on her forearms. They weren’t wrapped in those white bandages for once. She realized she’d never actually seen Osoro without them, and now that her bare arms were revealed...

Megami’s heart dropped into her stomach. Small pale grey circles were spread over the delinquent’s forearms, some faded to the point where you could barely see them, but some were red and fresh. Cigarette burns. 

She had never expected anything to be under those bandages, perhaps some old scars from whatever fights she got into, but certainly nothing like this. She’d always figured they were akin to those handwraps fighters wore. Were those burns self-inflicted?... She hoped not. She’d imagine Osoro wasn’t the type of person who would do something like that to herself. She was too proud, too stubborn and hot headed. Then that meant someone must have done that to her, and Megami hated that she knew who it was.

She didn’t mean to do it. It was as if some outside force compelled her to extend her arm and reach out right as she was handing over the papers. Her fingers brushed against Osoro’s forearms and Megami could’ve sworn there was a second where she saw the girl tense up, a slight panic and fright flashing in her eyes. It was so quick she wasn’t even sure if it really happened.

“Don’t touch me,” Osoro snarled in a low voice through gritted teeth, arm shooting away quickly. A wild look spread on her face, twisting into an intense blur of hostile anger and rage. 

“S-sorry,” Megami sputtered out. She could feel her heart about to burst out of her chest. What had she been thinking? Why’d she do such an idiotic thing? If she made a mistake like that around her father, she’d surely be punished. Seconds of a tense silence were passing by. Say something, please , she begged herself. Don’t make it awkward.

 “I-I didn’t mean t-to, y’know,” why was she stuttering? She never stuttered. She tried again, forcing her mouth to form the words carefully. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to touch you.”

There was a heavy silence in the air. Her heart was still racing, throat tightening. She had no idea what to do, and it scared her. 

From the moment she could walk, Megami had been molded to be perfect. The CEO of Saikou Corp must always be perfect, her father had told her. No flaws, no mistakes would be accepted. She followed a strict schedule of rigorous academics and intense training since she was young. Other children would probably have a meltdown if they went through the same things as her, but not her. She was supposed to be the best of the best. Megami learned that well enough as a child. 

The first time she got second place in a competition at the young age of three years old, her grandfather blew a fuse. 

Second place is the first loser, Megami! First place isn’t enough either! You have to be so good that it makes all these other people pale in comparison!  

She turned to her father in tears, looking for support, but all he did was nod in agreement. Therefore, she concluded that this was the simple reality of her world. 

So Megami pushed herself as hard as she could from that moment. It became a habit, a routine, and she started forgetting what life was like without it. Wake up early, attend class, answer emails and questions from teachers, student council meetings, homework, training, go to sleep, repeat. There was never a moment where she had nothing to do. From when she woke up and when she slept, Megami always knew what to expect. Yet why was it that everytime she was around Osoro, she found herself so unsure and hesitant? All those years of training could never prepare her, and it shook her. If Megami wasn’t perfect, then who was she? 

Osoro blinked hard in surprise. She had almost socked Megami in the face without even realizing. It wasn’t like she’d intended to but it was almost a reflex, an instinct, at this point. Megami’s fingers had brushed over her arms, touched those burns she always kept wrapped up. She might have even flinched without realizing it.

Being touched had always made her feel uncomfortable. Too many times had a simple touch turned into a fist. The only people she’d allow being touched by were her closest friends, yet even that still made her want to pull back in discomfort. She wasn’t used to gentle touches. 

“Sorry,” Osoro mumbled and looked away awkwardly. “Didn’t mean to do that.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Megami insisted. “Did I hurt you? I saw your arms and-”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she muttered angrily, frowning. So it had been on purpose. 

“Those burns look fresh-”

“Drop it, Megami,” Osoro cut her off, her voice rising. “Just give my homework.”

“...Right, um, of course.” Megami held out the papers again, doing her best not to stare at her arms, and Osoro grabbed the papers and disappeared behind the door.

Osoro sighed frustratedly as she plopped the homework on her desk. Great. Another thing for Megami to bother her over. She had been in the middle of changing those bandages when Megami rang her doorbell. 

The first week after that little confrontation in the bathroom, Megami kept an even closer watch on her than usual. She had tried to make it subtle, lingering behind her in the crowded hallways, ‘pretending’ to bump into her in corners, eyes scanning her up and down quickly to check for suspicious looking injuries. Osoro picked up on it real quickly and started avoiding her as much as possible. It didn’t take long before Megami stopped. Whether it was because she picked up the hint or she had better things to be doing, it didn’t matter. Osoro just wanted to be left alone.

The delinquent returned to the doorway and stared at Megami. “Is that all you need?”

“Your homework from last week.” The President folded her arms. “I’d like to do Ms. Kunahito a favor and collect it since I’m already here.”

“Oh.” Osoro stared at the floor. She’d been pushing off her homework until the last moment, but she had fully intended to do it. Despite what most people expected, she had rightfully earned her spot at Akademi High, one of the most prestigious schools in the area. She wasn’t dumb and she certainly wasn’t a slacker when it came to her work. “Can I turn it in later?”

“I suppose you can email Ms. Kunahito for it to count as credit. Did you not finish it?”

“I was just thinking…” Osoro pursed her lips. “I technically got until midnight before it’s considered late so I was just gonna submit it right before then. I’ve got other stuff to do and I don’t think I’ll be back until late at night.” When she saw Megami’s disapproving look, she rolled her eyes. “C’mon, it’s not like you’ve never turned in your homework right before a deadline right?”

“I finish and turn in my homework very early so I have time for my CEO training. So to answer your question, no. I’ve never turned in my homework close to the deadline, and I’ve certainly never turned it in late before.”

“No fucking way,” Osoro chuckled in disbelief. “Not even once?”

“My father would never allow that,” she responded tightly.

“...Right. Your father, the CEO of the biggest company in Japan. I’m not surprised he’d care that much.” She shifted her weight, eyes drifting to her feet. “Can’t say I can relate to that.” An undertone of bitterness hid behind her words. 

Megami opened her mouth for a moment, trying to think of what to say next. It felt like walking on eggshells. She didn’t want to poke too much into Osoro’s life, yet at the same time she wanted to know more. “My family… we’re not all sunshines and rainbows either. My father cares, but he can be quite overbearing to say the least.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Osoro leaned against the doorway. She’d caught a glimpse of Megami’s father once. He had been visiting the school campus one day for whatever reason. His hands were always folded behind his back, eyes scanning every single thing he came across. When he passed by Osoro and the rest of the delinquents near the incinerator, he shook his head in disapproval and continued walking. She hadn’t thought much of it. After all, disapproval was nothing new to her. “Being a CEO’s kid probably ain’t easy, huh?”

“It can be challenging sometimes,” Megami admitted. That was an understatement. There was so much more she wanted to say. She wanted to just spill her guts and let all her frustrations out. She wanted to be vulnerable for the first time in her life, but the words could not form in her mouth. 

Osoro sighed and stared at her. “Well. If that’s all you came here for, I’m gonna leave now. Don’t wanna hold up whatever else you got going on.”

“I’ll tell Ms. Kunahito you’ll be emailing her the homework then. You said near midnight, correct?”

“Yeah, ‘round that time. Might be a few minutes late.”

There was a curiosity growing in Megami. Why was she returning home so late? Did it have to do with her father? If there was a chance she could actually help Osoro, then she should take it. 

“I do apologize if I’m overstepping, but can I ask why you’re going to be turning in your homework so late?” Megami asked in the most polite tone she could manage. 

“Ah. Um.” Osoro ran her fingers through her hair, eyes darting away. Should she lie? If she told the truth, Megami was probably going to start her borderline stalking at school again. But Megami was also undeniably smart, smarter than anyone else at school. She’d be able to tell if Osoro lied in an instant. And if she avoided the question, Megami was going to just pry an answer from her. “There’s a rumble going on later. Dunno how long it’s gonna last but the aftermath always takes a while.”

“Rumble?” Megami asked confusedly.

“Rumble. Like a gang fight. All out brawl between two sides, whatever you want to call it. I got challenged so I gotta show up.”

Megami frowned. “...You’re going to get hurt again?”  

“Probably.” Osoro shrugged. “It’s twelve against me and the five others. Sometimes they bring back up too. Wouldn’t be surprised if it gets messy.”

She said it way too nonchalantly. Megami cleared her throat, trying to hide her upsetness. “As your president, I cannot approve of what you’re doing.”

The delinquent squinted. “And since when did that matter?”

“I told you before, Osoro, I’m your president. Your safety is my concern.”

Osoro rolled her eyes. That stupid "I'm your president" line. She was starting to regret saying anything again and made a mental note to just shut up next time. “Well, regardless of your approval , I’m still fighting.”

“Can you not decline the challenge?”

The blonde resisted the urge to laugh. That suggestion was beyond ridiculous. But what had she expected? Of course Megami wouldn’t understand. She’d probably had some of the most sheltered upbringing in the world. “Declining a challenge is like publicly declaring to everyone you’re a coward. I’ve got a reputation to uphold, and I’m not gonna ruin it just because you don’t think it’s safe or whatever.”

“But what if you get injured? If I have a chance to prevent that, then I will take it.”

“Yeah and what?” Osoro sneered. “You gonna show up and tell everyone to stop because it’s too dangerous?”

“No.” Megami felt her cheeks grow warm. “But I’m obligated to at least tell Ms. Kunahito. If something happens to you and your group, someone must be there to make sure you’re alright.”

“Go and tell her,” Osoro grunted. Ms. Kunahito had lost her trust a long time ago. “She’ll give me one of those hour-long lectures and I’ll just miss another class. It’s not gonna change anything.”

“...She’s just worried about you,” Megami responded quietly, trying not to sound upset as possible. I am too .

“Listen,” Osoro sighed. She didn’t mean to make her upset. “This is how it works around in the streets, alright? Someone has beef with you or wants to start beef with you, you settle it through fists. Words or authority don’t matter. The prime minister could show up and we wouldn’t stop.”

Megami bit the inside of her cheek. It was clear Osoro wasn’t going to listen to her at any costs. “And what time is this rumble?”

“In half an hour,” she said. “I was just about to meet up with Umeji and the others until you rang my doorbell. You’re not gonna stop me from going, regardless.”

“I know. I’m not going to.” Megami inhaled deeply. She should just leave. There was nothing else she could do. “...I don’t think I’ll ever really understand the appeal in such violence. It just doesn’t make sense to me.”

Osoro snorted and shook her head. “It ain’t all that glamorous. You think I like fighting all the time? You think I like having to constantly watch my back whenever I walk down the streets alone? Do you know how it feels to get jumped by ten people?” She growled, eyebrows furrowing. “You think it’s fun having to clean up the blood? It hurts like hell. And then I gotta drag my ass back home to a drunk-ass father, and sometimes it’s another beating. You don’t know shit about me, Megami.”

“You’re right. I don’t know anything about you,” Megami folded her arms. Her mouth was moving on its own, fueled by her frustration. “But I’m trying as hard as I can. You have to help me understand what you’re going through. You can’t be so defensive and hope people will get you.”

The blonde slightly winced when she heard those words. She opened her mouth and closed it when she found herself unable to respond, jaw setting and lips pressing into a hard line. 

“You can’t shut yourself away from everyone who’s trying to look out for you. You can’t always just avoid me in school. Refusing to acknowledge and running from your problems won’t make them go away.”

There it was. Those words she didn't want to hear. Those words she already knew but her heart rejected. Osoro shut her eyes tightly and stepped out the door, tails of her tattered black coat fluttering behind her, passing by Megami.

“Save your sermons for someone who wants to listen.” She stormed off before Megami could respond, the familiar feeling of rage bubbling up inside her again.

What the hell does she know? 

Osoro would have to wrap her arms up later. Right now, she just wanted to leave this place. To just run away, exactly how Megami said. Megami was right and every part of her hated it. 

Chapter Text

Osoro could still hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears as she tried to catch her breath. She wiped her lips, the faint taste of blood filling her mouth. The baseball bat fell from her hands and hit the ground with a dull thud, and she let out a small breath of air. 

It was a tough fight. There were a few knocked out rival gang members who were sprawled out through the grass, bloodied and beaten. They had been outnumbered by a lot and it was a close call, but the fight had ended in their favor, and they were the last ones standing, like always. Another win to add to her reputation.

Her eyes fell upon her small group of friends, who were sitting and laying down on the grass, also trying to catch their breaths. They weren’t in the greatest shape either, but they were already helping each other clean up.

“Hey boss!” A voice called out. It was Hokuto, sitting and pouring a bottle of water on Gaku’s bleeding hand. His bleached hair was drenched with sweat. “Ya need some gauze?”

Osoro glanced at her red stained hands. Most of the blood wasn’t her own, though there were definitely cuts, but not large enough to need much medical attention. “...Nah.”

“You sure?” Hokuto asked. “You should at least wash off the blood, eh? Probably shouldn’t go walkin’ around like that.”

“You’ve got a point.” Osoro sat down next to him and held her arms out for him to clean. The cool water poured over her burning skin and it was unbelievably refreshing. “I think someone brought a knife or some shit like that. I got cut.”

“There was a dude with a small pocket knife.” Gaku squirted a bottle of water over his head, wet hair matting against his forehead. “Fucking crazy. Who brings a knife to a fist fight?”

“Well, we somehow still won.” Dairoku jumped in, grinning. There was a lit cigarette between his fingers. “And if we can win against blades, I think we can win against any fist.” 

Umeji pressed an ice pack to his bruised cheek, letting out a small groan. “I’m tired as fuck. Who would’ve thought they’d bring so many people. What was up with that? Ain’t a rumble supposed to be a fair fight?”

“I could go for a few more rounds,” Osoro said. She opened her wet palm, flexing her fingers, before closing it tightly into a fist. 

“Eh? Really?” Hayanari exclaimed. “You serious boss? I’m winded.”

“Don’tcha know that’s why she’s called Invincible Under the Heavens around these parts, Gaku? It’s why no one tries to start shit with us anymore,” Umeji said with a twinge of pride. 

“Shut up man,” Osoro grunted with a slight annoyance, though she couldn’t help letting out a smirk. 

“I’m serious,” he responded, “You’re like an unstoppable beast when it comes to fighting. I dunno how you do it.”

“I came out of the womb fighting,” Osoro responded lightly. She wasn’t completely exaggerating. Her birth hadn’t been an easy one, and she practically fought her way into the world. “This is nothing to me.”

“Nah, he’s right. Since we’ve been with you, no one ever messed with us ever again.” Dairoku beamed brightly, smiling. 

She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it. There was nothing she could really say. They looked up to her with such bright eyes. They idolized her, and she couldn't do anything to change it.

“Hey, y’all wanna come over and chill at my place?” Umeji asked. “We can clean up there. I’ve got a better medical kit at home.”

“What time is it?” Osoro asked.

“Like 10:30 maybe.”

“Ah shit,” Osoro mumbled. She suddenly remembered her promise to Megami. “I can’t. I got homework to do.”

“Can’t ya just turn it in late or something?” Hayanari asked.

“It ain’t good to do that. Grades are important, you know.” Osoro sighed. “And Kunahito and Megami will both be on my ass if I don’t turn it in on time tonight. I don’t wanna deal with that when I come back to school, you feel me?"

“Damn,” Gaku let out a low whistle. “Double homicide.”

“Kunahito’s ending my suspension early this time too.” She pulled a knee to her chest and sighed. “She’s probably gonna wanna talk with me. Again. I wish she’d get off my case.”

“Fuck Kunahito!” Umeji growled angrily. His eyes flashed with rage, enunciated with that scar that dragged down his eye. “Fuck her and her attempts to ‘reform’ us. The old me is dead and is never coming back. When is she gonna get that?”

“At least we get to skip class when she calls us in,” Hayanari shrugged. “I say fuck school too.”

“Enough of that. You gotta take this education shit seriously if ya wanna make something of yourself in the future.” Osoro got up slowly and brushed off some grass from her jacket. “And I gotta get going now.”

“You sure you don’t wanna come over to Umeji’s and clean up a lil more?” Dairoku asked. 

“I’ve got a medical kit at home. I’ll be okay,” she said. “And I’m gonna be back at school in a few days. Don’t start any shit that you can’t solve without me, got it? Just wait for me.”

Umeji saluted, puffing out his chest like a soldier. “Yes ma’am.”

"Good. I'm counting on you." She turned away and started making her way back home, shoving her hands in her pockets. 

------

The streets were pretty empty tonight aside from the occasional passerbys, as expected around this time of the night. The pavement of the road was tinted yellow, dimly illuminated by the streetlights that loomed above, and the night sky twinkled peacefully with stars.

Osoro enjoyed late night walks. The temperature was always cold but not that cold, the air was so crisp she could feel it pass through her lungs with each breath. She always found herself walking around the neighborhood when she didn’t want to be at home, which was pretty frequent. Most of the time she had earbuds jammed into her ear with the music cranked up, loud enough to drown out her thoughts.

But tonight she didn’t have music to hush those thoughts lurking around in her mind. Instead, there was a dull throbbing that pulsed like a slow painful heartbeat. Someone must have hit her hard in the back of her head. She closed her eyes, trying to remember. It’d all been a blur. Most fights were.

It was an odd feeling. Every time after a fight, her head always felt foggy yet clear at the same time, like her mind was filled with thoughts, yet was empty all at once. She couldn’t remember a lot of things if she tried, but if she zoned out a little, the memories would come back in flashes. She remembered throwing a few right and left hooks here and there, a couple of kicks, swinging the bat as hard as she could, a hard uppercut, bodies backing away and some crumpling to the ground. 

A calm voice floated to the front of her mind. “Running away from your problems won’t make them go away.” 

Osoro stopped in her tracks, eyebrows scrunching angrily. Fucking Megami. Those words had left a bad taste in her mouth. 

She hated how Megami acted like she knew her. Megami was the student president, the inheritor of the country’s largest company, every teacher’s dream student. Everyone liked Megami. Everyone looked up to her and admired her and wished they could be her. She had everything set out for her in life. She was destined for great success from the moment she was born. She was everything Osoro was not, so how could she ever understand Osoro? They were on the opposite sides of the world. Almost everyone was scared of Osoro, with the exception of the student council. The side glances, the nervous speed walking as people passed by her, the whispers and rumors, they were all just a daily occurrence in her life. 

There was this exception. A third year boy called Taro Yamada. He was the only one who actually treated her like she was just... a normal girl. He never shied away from her. Simple gestures like opening the door for her, or a small nod and smile in the hallways, a little greeting in the morning. For some reason it always made her feel stupidly glad. Like all the rough days would melt away and there was nothing there but Taro. Her cheeks got warm every time she thought about him and she felt so dumb for doing so. Kindness felt so foreign to her. She felt so weak and vulnerable and she hated it. 

And Osoro wasn’t oblivious. She could recognize that Megami’s intent was genuine, and that Megami cared enough about her to want to visit her. She just couldn’t wrap her head around why. Why would Megami care? Why would she be willing to even make time in her schedule just to deliver a little bit of homework? Surely Osoro was just an insignificant part of Megami’s humongous and busy world. She should've been something that didn't deserve more than a thought.

Osoro sighed and continued walking, eyes staring at the ground. Part of her still couldn’t believe Megami was going to try to convince to not go to the fight because it was too dangerous - like no shit, of course it's dangerous. Someone was bound to get hurt. Winning the fight made Osoro feel like she was spitting in her face, like she was trying to prove something to her. 

The concrete pavement turned into a small staircase and the blonde looked up. She was already at the doorsteps of her house. The lights in the living room were turned on which meant… he was back. She stood there for a moment, debating if she should enter. If her father saw her looking like that coming into the house, bruised raw knuckles and jacket stained with blood, he’d probably go off on her about how she was a failure and how did he ever end up with a delinquent as a kid and blah blah blah blah. What’s new?

She took a deep breath. Well. It’s not like she could stand outside forever. Whatever happened to her, she'd just have to tough it out like she always did. She turned the doorknob and gently pushed the door open. 

Upon entry to the house was a little hallway, the walls decorated with a pinboard of important papers like bills and reminders of upcoming deadlines. There were a few pictures hung up on the walls as well, some of them being paintings, some of them being photographs. It was mainly pictures of her and her father when she was a little kid, visiting shrines and cities across Japan, doing a little sightseeing. It was before she started getting more angry at the world and everything all the time, before she started expressing her rage through her fists, before her father started drinking so heavily so frequently.

The main picture that was framed was a large photograph of Osoro as a three month old baby, her father, and her mother holding her. She stared longingly at it. The last semblance of normality she would ever have in her life.

Osoro’s mother had died not too long after she came out of the womb. The delivery had been tough for her and her mother. There was a high chance she wouldn’t make it out of the womb alive. When she was finally pushed out, she had survived but at a cost. She had weakened her mother’s heart, and a year later she passed away from a heart attack. Postpartum cardiomyopathy, the doctors had called it.

Osoro barely remembered her mother. All she had to go off of were a few pictures and a few memories of what her father had described to her. From the framed picture it was clear that she looked like her mother in many aspects. Her mother was also blonde and had the same amber eye color, and the same smile. She was the coolest woman on earth, according to her father. Strong willed, bold, courageous, never afraid to speak her mind and stand up for herself, not unlike Osoro herself.

Over the years, she'd grown more like her father. Tall, broad shoulders, a strong jaw, and sharp eyes. Weary and jaded and pessimistic from the world.

Losing her mother had been the start of all the troubles. She ripped her eyes away from the photo. It almost hurt thinking about what could have been if her birth hadn’t fucked up everything. If she had never been born into this world.

To the right of her was the living room and in that living room was another blonde crashed onto the couch. There were crushed beer cans everywhere, on the coffee table, on the floor, some on the man’s stomach. The ashtray was overflowing with burnt out cigarettes. 

She frowned as she felt the slight worry build up in her. She lightly approached him, carefully stepping over the mess he made. He was completely blacked out, messy blonde hair falling over his eyes, a bit of drool leaking out from the side of his mouth. Her hand reached out to nudge him and she paused. A small memory flashed in her mind.

The first time her father had laid his hands on her, she couldn’t have been more than eight years old. She walked home from school to find her father passed out on the couch after a heavy drinking binge. Being so young, she didn’t really understand what was going on, but she knew something was wrong. She reached out and lightly poked him, and he opened his eyes and saw her face, the splitting image of her mother. He exploded, hands flying and strangling. She remembered how primal the feeling was. Unbridled rage, fury of an animal. After he stopped, she just stood there, too shocked to even cry. She'd never seen him like that. The next day at school, the realization had settled in when her classmates asked her why she had so many bruises, and she quickly said she tripped and fell down the stairs by accident. 

Osoro shut her eyes tightly. No. Don’t think about that. She opened her eyes again and sighed, returning her attention. She pushed him onto his side. Even if he was a piece of shit, he was still her father, and she couldn’t have him choking on his vomit and dying.

She glanced at the clock. Around an hour left until midnight. If she started her homework now, she could probably make it just in time. Cleaning up would have to wait. She climbed up the stairs and went into her room. Her room wasn't anything special. It was perhaps as plain as a room could be. A bed, a desk with books and a laptop stacked on top, a bookshelf, a closet - the bare essentials - and a bird cage in the corner. 

“Hey Chibi,” she called out.

A loud chirp came from the bird cage in response and a little cockatiel  flew towards her shoulder.(1)

Osoro had found him one day on the sidewalk with a broken wing when she was walking home from school one day. She spent several minutes standing there, contemplating what to do before giving in to the bird’s pleading squawks. She picked him up and took him home, nursing him back to health. Chibi started as a nickname, like pipsqueak or runt or something along the lines of that, but then it turned into his actual name as time passed.

The bird lightly pecked her and she let out a small smile. “I’m sorry I got home late. The fight took longer than I thought it would.” She lifted him up with her finger and put him back into his cage. “I gotta do my homework now or else I’ll get in trouble.”

She sat down at her desk and leafed through the stack of papers. Looks like she had math and Japanese to get through. It was honestly a lot of work to do in an hour but Osoro was smart, contrary to appearances. And Akademi High was prestigious for a reason - Anyone who could even get in had to prepare to work. To Osoro, the calculus(2) problems were straightforward. Japanese… would take a while. No time to waste. Her pencil came down to the page and she started writing. Numbers weaved in and out through her head. Variables, derivatives, limits, integrals.

Thirty minutes in, in the middle of intense concentration, she felt a peck on her head.

“Chibi.” She sighed and lifted him off her head. “Pecking me ain’t gonna get you any treats. Go to sleep.”

The bird tilted his head towards her homework, chirping.

“This? It’s just some math.” Osoro pointed at the paper. Her bird let out a confused warble. 

“It ain’t hard man, you just gotta use your head a lil bit. You just differentiate that equation and the limit’s towards infinity, so you just look at the end behavior…” Osoro fell silent. “Why the fuck am I trying to explain calculus to a bird?” She sighed. “Whatever. I’m basically done with math. If you wanna watch me do Japanese then whatever.”

She picked up her textbook and flipped through the pages slowly. The kanji hurt her head. “You know, Chibi," she said, "the teacher makes me pair up with Megami when we have to do group work. She thinks pairing me up with the best student in class is gonna help. Dunno what to tell her. I’m just bad at memorizing this crap."

She remembered when the teacher had Megami stay with her after school for hours, patiently trying to tutor her in Japanese before Osoro got frustrated and gave up. A little ball of guilt rose in her when it suddenly struck her. It’s not like Megami had suddenly started caring about her. She’d always cared. It’s just that Osoro had failed to notice it until now.

“Ah shit, why’m I thinking about Megami again?-”

A shifting noise came from down stairs, followed by a small groan. He was awake. Osoro’s throat tightened. Nothing good ever happened when he was drunk.

“Osoro?” His voice was slurred. “You here?”

“...Yeah.”

He groaned again and cursed. “My head’s killing me. Can you clean this shit up?” She could hear the sound of bottles clinking. “I’m going to bed.”

Osoro let go of her breath. He was too hungover to do anything. “Okay.”

It was a weird feeling. Deep down she couldn’t hate her father even though she had every reason to. Perhaps it was just her instinct because he was all that she had. Perhaps it was because she still remembered all the good memories they had together. How he would take her to amusement parks as a kid and win her the stuffed animals, how he would take her to the shrine on New Years, how he used to cook dinner for her even if he was tired from work. She couldn’t let go of those memories because without them, there would be nothing left.

She felt another sharp peck on her hand and she rolled her eyes. Her cockatiel tilted his head at her. “Alright, alright. I’ll give you a treat after I finish.”

Her eyes drifted back to the textbook and she internally sighed. She just had to make it through a few more pages. The pencil went back to the page, and she started writing. Writing and writing and writing until the kanji and the kana swirled in her head. Keep pushing until nothing else could be felt, even if she could feel the headache settling in and her eyes getting so, so tired. Pain is temporary. No matter how much she was struggling, she had to keep moving forward.

11:58pm. She scanned the pages, pressed the send button and slammed the textbook shut, and rubbed her eyes.

“Fuck this textbook.” Osoro fed a small cookie to Chibi. She stood up from the desk and pushed in her chair. “And now I gotta go clean up. When I get back you better be asleep in your cage, got it ya cheeky bastard?”

The bird squawked and Osoro folded her arms. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

It was a miracle how her father hadn’t gotten alcohol poisoning yet. Osoro picked up one of the many empty beer bottles and threw it into a trash bag. She glanced at the hallway, into her father’s room where he had crashed on top of his bed, half covered with a blanket. He hadn’t even taken off his jacket or his shoes and he was already passed out cold. He probably came from the red light district or something. She picked up a few more bottles and stuffed them into the bag, nose scrunching from the smell. Alcohol had always made her feel uneasy. Just the sight of it made her feel nervous, no matter what scenario it was. She'd made an oath as a kid to never touch a drop of alcohol, and she was going to keep it until the day she died. She was scared that she'd end up like her father.

As she reached for the ashtray, she coughed and a sharp pain shot through her ribs.

“Fuck.” Osoro winced. It felt like someone was jamming a knife into her side. Maybe she’d gotten more hurt than she thought. Did she break something? She should probably check. When she came back home, she didn’t have time to really see if she was okay. Might as well do it now since she basically had the house to herself for a bit. 

The bathroom was pretty messy. Clearly no one had given it much attention lately. Osoro wiped the mirror and stared at her reflection, then turned on the tap. Her face wasn’t looking too bad. A small bruise on the side of her face, some scratches on her chin. Easily recoverable. She splashed some water on her face, trying to refresh herself, then rubbed a bit of antibiotic cream on her chin. Another sharp pain passed through her and she lifted up her shirt a little. 

Among the old scars were splotches of dark and angry purple and red. Ah. Bruised ribs. She closed her eyes, trying to remember when that had happened. There had been someone with a baseball bat. Could it have been that? When the fight had first started, a bunch of people swarmed her, probably under the impression that if they could take her down first, the rest of the boys would be easy. No doubt a bat had been mixed in with the swarm. 

She let out a slow and controlled breath. Bruised ribs would heal eventually. She just had to be careful not to get into any more fights for the time being.

Osoro unwrapped the white bandages around her arms and stared at the faded burns. Her stomach churned at the sight. They weren’t easy to look at. Her father had gone into another one of his drunken rages when she got suspended again. She could still remember the feeling of hard knuckles connecting to her cheek repeatedly, while she stood there and took the hits. The searing heat in her skin, so hot that it felt cold. She just couldn’t bring herself to fight back.

She ran her arms under the water one last time before turning off the tap and heading upstairs again. Chibi was fast asleep, head tucked into his back. Her laptop had a notification. Kunahito had emailed her.

“Thank you for turning your homework in on time. Megami told me you got into a fight again. I need to talk to you when you come back. I don’t know when you’ll see this email, but I hope you’re okay and you’ve received medical attention as needed. Please, please be more careful.”

Of course. Of course Megami had told the counselor about the rumble. And now Kunahito was going to talk with her. Fucking Kunahito. That damn counselor pissed her off so badly.

“I just cannot catch a fucking break around here,” she muttered under her breath.

She glanced at her clock. 1 AM. Tomorrow she was going to be so sore and tired from the fight. Then after tomorrow she would have to go back to school. Kunahito was going to lecture her, Megami was going to bother her, the teachers would assign her more homework to make up for what she missed, her ribs were going to ache and she was going to have a headache from reading, she’d have to deal with her father when she got home, and there was just so many things she had to do and her brain felt like exploding.

A sudden wave of fatigue overcame her, and she crashed into her bed and buried her face into the pillow.

I’m so tired.

Her eyes closed and she slipped into a deep slumber.

Chapter Text

“Save your sermons for someone who wants to listen.”

Megami stood there for a moment, mouth half open, staring at Osoro storming off into the distance, tails of her jacket fluttering. Once again, Osoro had left her there, speechless and unable to respond. She slightly raised her hand, as if to try to reach out, then lowered it. It seemed like she had hit a nerve, judging from Osoro’s reaction.

She inhaled deeply, then let go of her breath. What could she do now? She’d said what she said, and there was no way to take it back. Megami walked back to the limousine, opened the door and buckled herself in, watching the streets pass by in a blur.

You can’t shut yourself away from everyone who’s trying to look out for you. You can’t always just avoid me in school. Running from your problems won’t make them go away. Megami closed her eyes, replaying the scene in her head over and over again. Was that the right thing to say? It’d been in the spur of the moment. It hadn’t been a calculated move, a thought out decision. It came straight from her heart.

“That your friend there, Miss Saikou?”

“Hm?” She looked up at her butler, snapping out of her thoughts.

“Your friend back there you were talking to.” He pointed behind him with his thumb, glancing in the rearview mirror at Megami. “The blonde.”

“Oh.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “She’s a… classmate of mine.”

“Is she a yankii or something? You guys still have those around?” He asked.

“A delinquent? Mm… I guess that’s what everyone calls her. I won’t deny she can be a bit of a troublemaker sometimes.”

“Didn’t think there’d be delinquents in a place like Akademi High,” the butler chuckled. “I would’ve imagined they would’ve been kicked out.”

“They’re pretty tame for a bunch of so-called delinquents. They don’t exactly break rules, they’re just kind of blunt and rude. We discourage their behavior, but that’s all we can honestly do.”

“ They? How many are there?”

“Six. She’s their leader.”

“Her? So you’re friends with the leader of delinquents, eh?” He flashed a grin at her in the mirror. “I’m surprised. Thought Mr. Saikou said not to interact with those types of kids. You finally rebelling against him?”

“Heh, it’s not like that,” she scratched her chin with an awkward smile. “I don’t know if I’d say we’re friends . It’s complicated.”

“You know, I remember the yankiis back when I went to Akademi. It was the late 80s. The girls were in those long skirts and the masks, and the boys had their hair all greased up into those ridiculous looking pompadours. (1) Had one hell of an attitude too.” He drummed the steering wheel. “To tell you the truth, I was buddies with the leader too.”

“Were you a delinquent, Mr. Miura?” Megami asked, eyebrows arching curiously.

He grinned like he was reminiscing on a fond memory. “Your grandfather would have never hired me if I was one. I’ll admit, I wanted to be one because they looked like they were having fun on their motorcycles. Back in my days, bosozoku gangs were a big thing. Hearing the rumbles of their engines during the night, their whooping and yelling as they cruised down the motorways. The spirit of youth, I tell ya. I miss being young.”

“Well, we’ve got our own troubles to worry about.” She stared out the window for a little bit in silence before asking, “Do you know how grandfather is doing?”

“Your grandfather? He’s… ah well, he’s still pretty sick. They’re planning on admitting him into the hospital soon.”

“The hospital? It’s gotten that bad?”

“If I’m being quite frank here, Miss Saikou, and keeping this between us, I don’t think it’ll be long before he kicks the bucket.”

“You really think so?”

“I’m sorry to say it, but if I’m being realistic here... He’s already being given the best care of the country and it’s still not looking too good. Doctors are doing the best they can, but he’s not getting any better. They’re only slowing down the process, in my opinion. People can’t live forever, you know.”

“Hm.” Megami folded her arms. She didn’t feel sadness, not anger, not even happiness. “He did already retire a few years ago. He’s been pretty quiet these days. I guess there’s not much that’s really keeping him going.”

“It’s a shame though. Your grandfather was a brilliant genius. The world’s gonna be at a loss.”

Megami kept silent. She knew how incredible her grandfather was, but all she could remember about him was his foul temper. Him harshly scolding her while he sat in that wheelchair, and her swallowing the sobs that would escape her throat, tears rolling down her cheeks. Her father wouldn’t offer her any support, so she’d run to her mother, her only source of comfort.

“Honestly, I think it’s time for a new era for Saikou Corp,” the butler continued. “We need some change around here. Everything’s been the same for as long as I can remember. Like, I remember when you were first born. That’s how long I’ve been around. And literally nothing has changed. By the time you take over, I’m gonna be retired. Remember to treat me well when I’m old, eh?” He chuckled.

“Yeah.” She lightly smiled. “When I take over.”

There was a comfortable silence and Megami continued staring out the window. When she took over. Whenever that’d be.

“We’re home.” He spun the wheel right, entering the driveway.

Megami stepped out of the limousine and yawned, stretching her legs. She stared at the large mansion in front of her. It was three stories tall, sprawled out over twenty five thousand square feet. A small residency for their butlers lay on the side of their property, and it was surrounded by a humongous front and back yard that was neatly kept by gardeners. A large fountain sat right in the middle of their driveway. This house was just one of the many properties their family owned. 

The butler opened the car door for her, quickly moving his hand towards her seat. “Let me get your bag for you.”

“It’s just an empty tote bag, Mr. Miura. It’s not that big of a deal.” She hopped off the car, clutching the bag. Megami wasn’t a fan of having people waiting on her. 

“If you say so.” He shut the door. “I’m gonna go park the limo. You should go in first.” 

Megami nodded and walked up to the front door. She stared at it for a moment. As soon as she entered, she’d be whisked back into her busy world. Yet it was her world and all that she knew. She pushed open the door and stepped in.

If there was one word that best fit their house, it was extravagant. The inside of the house certainly matched up to the exterior. Beautifully carved pillars and sculptures, polished stair rails that curved upstairs, paintings hung on the wall that could easily be worth a million dollars, and a few large chandeliers hung from the ceiling. Servants neatly dressed in suits were passing back and forth in between rooms, aiding those who were staying in the house, usually ambassadors of other companies or something of the sort. Ichiro Saikou frequently offered others to stay at their houses, insisting that it would be better than any other hotel they could find in Japan. It was breathtaking to anyone who hadn’t lived this sort of lifestyle.

“You’re late, Megami.” Standing in front of her was her father, silver hair slicked back neatly and arms folded behind his back like some sort of military commander. Those cold and hard steel grey eyes stared at her, no emotion passing behind them.

“I’m sorry, father.” Megami bowed deeply. She cursed internally. Had she really been out that long?

“This is unusual for you. Why were you late?” His voice was so monotone, so lifeless and robotic. Over the years Megami had begun to grow more and more sick listening to him. She felt wrong for doing so but so often she would wish for him to just do anything . Yell at her, laugh, joke around, smile more, have any sense of life in him. He didn’t even do that when he was around her mother.

“I had to help a teacher deliver something and it ended up taking longer than usual.”

“Time is money. You know that saying well. When I was your age, my father would punish me harshly for being late. You are lucky I am not him.”

“I know, father. I’m sorry. I will make it up.”

He paused, as if considering something. “...Very well. There is no more time to be wasted. You have a board meeting to attend in five minutes. Prepare yourself. I will be there, and you will be there to shadow me.”

“Yes, father.”

When he heard his footsteps depart, she looked up again and let out a huge breath. Though it was such a big mansion, she didn’t really feel at home. Wasn’t home supposed to be where family was? Wasn’t family supposed to make you feel warm and loved? She felt like her father was less of a father and more like her manager. Her family didn’t feel like a family at all. A stuck up brother that loathed her existence. A father that was basically a walking robot. A mother that… well, her mother was always trying her best to be a normal kind and loving mother to Megami, and she greatly appreciated her love, but Megami never really had that much room for love in her life.

She didn’t even feel like she really had a true family, and she didn’t exactly have any friends besides Aoi, who she was too busy to hang out with most of the time. Then a realization came to Megami. She was lonely. Isolated from everyone else. It wasn’t like she wanted it to be this way. It was more like… that was always the way things were.

--------

“ Our stocks have been performing well… nothing much has changed since last time…”

“Public perception is doing well too...?”

“...expect a small net decrease in profit margin… they want to pass new tariffs...”

“ ...We could probably bribe whoever’s in charge of passing that…”

The voices were passing through one ear and out the other. It was all the same every week. Megami would listen to the board meeting and take notes on what they were saying. Perhaps once in a while she’d be asked for an opinion or she’d chime in with something. 

She stared lazily at her father, who sat at the head of the table with his blank expression. She spun a pencil between her fingers and occasionally took a sip of water to show that she wasn’t completely zoning out. Her eyes drifted to her paper where she had taken a few notes in her handwriting, neat and pristine. They were the same as last meeting, and the meeting before that, and the meeting before that. Saikou Corp had always been at the top of the market, so there was never really much to report.

Megami couldn’t feel anything inside her when she attended these meetings and it bothered her. Shouldn’t she be genuinely interested in this whole thing if she was going to be doing this for the rest of her life? To her, it felt more of something she did simply because she was told to. It wasn’t that she liked or disliked this whole CEO business thing, it was just that she’d never been given the chance to try anything else. 

Lately, hearing her other classmates talk about what they wanted to do in the future made her curious. A lot of students didn’t know what they wanted to do, and that was such a foreign idea to Megami. She never had to make any major decisions like that. She had one purpose and one goal in her life, and that was to inherit the company. It was a blessing to be born into such a wealthy and successful family and have everything planned out, but to her, it had lately begun to look more like a curse. She wanted to know the answers to such simple questions. What did it feel like to just wake up everyday and not be sure what you’re gonna do in the afternoon? What did it feel like to make plans with friends to go out for dinner together? What did it feel like to not be bound by thousands of rules?

She wanted to know how it felt to be free. Her mind naturally came to Osoro, who was probably smashing in someone’s face right now. Osoro was free spirited and wild. An untamable creature. She was reckless and bold and daring and never cared about what other people seemed to think about her. Megami wanted to know what that felt like, to be so unrestricted, to be able to feel like you were in control of something. 

Osoro had these rough edges to her that Megami… actually kind of liked, even though it seemed contrary to her nature. Megami was the complete opposite of her. If Osoro was a bunch of rough edges, Megami was a perfect and smooth polished sphere with no mistakes and imperfections.

But then she remembered Osoro giving that low chuckle, saying “ It ain’t all that glamorous” . And there were those bruises that constantly lined her body and face, knuckles red and raw, painful and aching grins, always seeming like she was in pain somewhere, whether it was on the outside or inside. 

It felt like the insides of Megami’s head was playing tug of war. One side wanted to conform to everyone’s expectations and just be the perfect girl, but the other side was desperately yanking on the rope, trying to escape her world.

“...What do you think, Megami?” Her father suddenly asked. He was staring at her, cold eyes piercing her thoughts.

“Oh. Um.” Her mind was scrambling to get her thoughts together. She hadn’t been paying that much attention. “I-I’m sorry, could you repeat that? I was taking notes and I didn’t hear you properly.”

There it was, that disapproving look only Megami could recognize. Her father might have been blankly staring at her from the looks of it, but she knew that stare. Every time she saw it, it was a dagger to her heart. She wanted his approval. She needed his approval. 

“We were discussing how the government is considering increasing tariffs,” he said calmly, almost uncomfortably calm. “What do you think about this?”

“Well,” she responded slowly. “Considering the fact that over half of the House of Representatives is against the proposal, I don’t think it’s anything we have to worry about. We have influence in both the House and the Councillors, so if it’s truly something that requires our attention, we have a say in it.”

“She’s right,” one of the businessmen spoke up, “we shouldn’t give this proposal too much attention. If push comes to shove, then we can always step up.”

Megami let out a sigh of relief as the conversation picked up and the men continued discussing without her. 

Still, her father’s disapproval lingered in her mind. It ate at her like a ravenous beast, picking at her mind again and again. She wanted validation. She hated how attached she was to what her father thought, but she couldn’t break out of this mindset. She had to be perfect. Or else, or else… or else what? Or else… everything will fall apart. Megami knew that wasn’t true, rationally - the world wasn’t going to end over this one small incident. But emotionally, that’s how it felt like.

When the meeting ended, she caught a small glimpse at her father, who was shuffling papers. She stared at him for a moment while the other people exited the room.

“Yes?” He asked when he felt her presence still in the room. “Do you have something you want to say?”

It was hard to tell if he was still mad. His voice was colorless. Just bland and grey. Megami shook her head, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. 

“Then you should go take care of your school work.” He hadn’t even looked up from the papers. “You’ve been keeping up with your school duties right?”

“Of course, Father,” she croaked out.

“Good. If there are any distractions at school or any teachers that are not treating you properly, tell me and I will take care of them instantly.”

“Everything is fine at school. There is nothing for you to worry about.”

He shot her a glance. “What about that teacher who had you deliver that homework? They made you late.”

“No, Father.” Megami swallowed. Her throat had gone dry. “That wasn’t her fault. I offered to deliver it for her.”

“So it was your own fault.”

She froze, unsure how to respond. She could definitely blame Ms. Kunahito. No, she hadn’t done anything wrong. She could easily blame Mr. Miura. No. What was she thinking? How could she betray the man who was practically her second father? There really was no one she could pin the blame on that she wouldn’t feel immense guilt over.

“Yes,” she looked at her feet, unable to meet his gaze. “It was my own fault.”

There was a long heavy silence that filled the air, one that made Megami want to jump out of her skin and hide.

“...I see.” His voice was still calm.

She kept standing there while he was reading his papers, unable to say anything. She was embracing for his next words, but they weren’t coming. Megami stood there, feeling her palms get sweaty, mouth opening and closing.

“Well? What are you waiting for? You’ve wasted enough time already, don’t you think?” He was looking at her now, and her eyes quickly darted away. 

“I’m sorry Father. It won’t happen again.” Megami quickly bowed and left the room, resisting the tears that were fighting to fall down her face.

Father is mad. Father is mad at me. Father is mad at me . Her heart beat faster. What was he going to say at the dinner table? She felt nauseous. Was he going to yell at her? She would honestly take a harsh scolding over having the air being tense.

Megami clenched the stair railing, feeling the cool marble under her fingers. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Calm down. Deal with it later. One moment at a time. One step at a time. 

“Hello, sister .”

She looked up, feeling herself already getting annoyed at the sound of his voice. The anxiety had turned into anger. “What do you want?”

A small sneer spread over the young boy’s lips. “Can’t I just say hi to my sister?”

“Well then. Hello Kencho,” she said as flatly as possible. “There, are you happy now?”

“You were late today.” He leaned on the staircase railing.

“I know.” 

“Father was displeased.”

“...I know .”

“I was just saying.”

“...Do you have anything else you want to tell me?”

Kencho tapped his chin, letting out a low humming noise. “Mm. No, not really.”

She inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself. “You,” Megami said slowly, words seething out of her mouth, “are wasting my time, Kencho. I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t do that.”

“Oops. Silly me!” Her brother stuck his tongue out with a wink and ran upstairs laughing.

“You little - ” She growled frustratedly, ending her sentence before she could finish it. She repressed the urge to chase after him then inhaled again. There was no more time to waste, like father had said.

Her room was just like the rest of the house - magnificent in every aspect. It could easily be the size of someone’s living room. Her bed was always being maintained by the butlers, pillows fluffed and sheets replaced. The carpets were vacuumed every day when she was at school, chandelier and windows polished, her own personal bathroom wiped up and down until you could see your reflection in the toilet bowl. It was only her desk that was left untouched, since it was stacked with textbooks and school work the maids didn’t want to mess with.

First order of business. Responding to emails. Megami liked to check her emails first because if there was something urgent she had to do, someone would always contact her through email. Today was nothing out of the ordinary, mainly just weekly reports from the student council and a few things from the teachers. After a few quick responses, she drafted a new email to Ms. Kunahito.

“Hello Ms. Kunahito, I’ve delivered Osoro’s homework as requested. She said she’d turn in her homework before midnight. ”

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. What should she say? She knew things about Osoro that most likely no one else had, things that Osoro probably didn’t want anyone else to know. But when Megami thought about how she could be lying on the ground right now, getting beat up by several people… she was worried for her. She knew Osoro was tough, but there was only so much someone could take right?

“She brought up something that I feel requires your attention. She mentioned she was participating in a fight, despite my attempts at persuading her not to go. As you might expect, she didn’t listen. I fear that- ” Megami pressed backspace. Not the type of tone she was going for. “ I’m worried that she might get hurt.” No. “ I worry for her safety. I think it’d be in your best interest to talk with her when she returns to school. ”

Megami read it a few more times before hitting the send button. She had no idea why she was spending so much time trying to craft the perfect message. But when she was done, she flipped through the small calendar pinned to the wall. Next on her schedule was a tutoring session in ten minutes. Although it seemed pointless for someone of Megami’s intellect to need to go a tutoring class, she had to stay ahead in all her classes, at least a few grade levels ahead. Her tutor was some young PhD student who had obtained several degrees from Harvard. He was quite famous for tutoring rich and influential families, probably to build connections in the future. Megami’s natural brilliance allowed her to be able to keep up with his lessons too.

Her tutor arrived a few minutes early, and Megami ran down the stairs to greet him. The butlers were already taking his items for him, and he was taking off his coat. He was a young genius, not that much older than Megami herself, with a prestigious reputation, and quite attractive in his own respect. Tall, well dressed, neatly combed hair and well mannered, and incredibly smart - He was the dream guy. Sometimes Megami’s mother would tease Megami and joke about setting the two up, much to her embarrassment but the matter of fact was Megami simply wasn’t into him, that was all there was to it.

“Good afternoon, Miss Saikou.” He bowed politely. “How are you doing today?”

“I’m doing well. And you?”

“I’m alright myself. Busy, but such is life.” He gestured towards one of the rooms in the long hallway. “Shall we begin?”

The tutor pulled down the projector screen, displaying a slideshow covered with math symbols. They were in one of the spare rooms in their house that had been reserved for business meetings. It was less grand than the bathrooms, but it could’ve honestly been the same level as a regular school classroom. “Last week, we discussed the Jacobian matrix. Can you explain to me what it is, in simple terms?”

“It’s a matrix that has a partial derivative for a vector function.”

“And what does it do?”

“It…” Megami looked at her notebook. “You can change the super small vectors from one coordinate to another. Cartesians to whatever.”

He smiled. “Good. I’m surprised you actually managed to remember that.”

“Honestly, me too.”

“It’s okay if you don’t get it. Honestly, if you’re not planning to study mathematics at a high level, you’re never going to need it.” He folded his arms, scanning the powerpoint. “Remind me, what are you planning to study in university?”

“Business and economics, something of the sort.”

He nodded, “Yes, yes, of course. That’d be best for you. You are going to be CEO in the future so it’s best to focus on those areas.”

“Yeah... In the future,” Megami repeated, without the same excitement.

“You better remember me when you rise up in the ranks,” he winked. 

She gave an awkward smile. “Sure.”

“Anyways,” he clapped his hands, “let’s move on to the next topic, shall we?”

The rest of the session was a blur. All she could think about was the future. It was becoming more and more clear that everyone was counting on her to become someone great. Maybe that was why people were even nice to her. If they got close with her now, then they could potentially use her connections later. Who was genuine and who was fake? Were those who claimed to be her friends really looking to be friends, or were they hoping having her in their acquaintances would bring them something? Could she even trust anyone?

There was this nagging thought in the back of her head. What if she ran away from all of this? What if she became like her aunt, who left the family all those years ago, the woman whose name everyone avoided? If she was a new person, she could start over, and she could be something more than her name. Megami thought about it some more. People would see her for who she truly was. Who she truly was… who was she, truly? She couldn’t really think of any personality traits that she could identify with. She didn’t even have a life outside of Saikou Corp. But… she could make one. She could make a new life.

No, Megami thought to herself. She’d lose everything. No family name, no money, no belongings. She would be completely on her own, and she had never been on her own before. No doubt her father would cut off all connections immediately. Oh god, think how mad her father would be. All that time and energy and resources poured into nurturing her, crafting and shaping her into the perfect person, hoping that she wouldn’t end up like her aunt. All of that, gone in an instant, all because poor little Megami couldn’t handle the pressure. Simply entertaining the thought made her feel nauseous.

“-Megami?” 

She looked up again, slightly startled. “Sorry, say that again?”

The tutor tilted his head. “You seem awfully distracted today. Are you feeling alright? Should I call for someone? Maybe I can get your father-”

“No!” If her father found out she’d been slacking for the second time today, he’d get even more pissed. She said, “No, that won’t be necessary. I just…”

“Are you sick? There has been a cold going around.”

“No, it’s not that. I just, I didn’t sleep too well, that’s all. My mind’s been a little off today, I apologize.”

“Oh. No worries then, we can end here today. Your well being comes before everything else.” He pulled down the projector screen then let it slide up again. 

“It’s okay, I’m fine, really,” Megami insisted.

“No, I’ve seen too many students overwork themselves. You shouldn’t push yourself if you’re not feeling well. I’m ending class early, take some time off today,” he said with concern. He started erasing the whiteboard.

“Listen Megami.” He was still erasing the paragraphs of math, back faced towards her. “Here’s a life lesson for you I learned from a philosopher in Harvard. Your life and health is probably the most valuable thing in the world. Let’s say you can spend all your time and effort building an empire of success. You sacrifice friendships, relationships, mental stability, just to be the best. Or hell, let’s say it’s the other end. Let’s say you’re a corporate slave. You keep your head down, get your work done, and just try to scrape by. You do what everyone else tells you. Either way, you have to face the fact you’re going to die one day. As you look back at your life, all you’ve done was study and work. You curse yourself for not taking care of yourself more. You curse yourself for just doing what everyone else told you to do. You’re gonna die with the biggest regret.”

He spun around, looked at her expression, and chuckled. “Too much? It’s a bit different from what we usually discuss, I know. But I quite like philosophy. Some of the smartest people I’ve ever met in university were philosophy majors. It’s quite important to think about these things, I feel like.”

“No, no, that was… a bit of an eye opener. Thank you for that.”

The man put his laptop in his briefcase. “I’ll get going then, alright? I’ll leave you here to clean your things up. Please take care of yourself.” He bowed and left the room.

Megami stared at her notebook, unmoving. It felt like some divine being had revealed something to her, but every single instinct in her body immediately rejected it. She had been walking down a singular path, a straight road with only one destination. Then suddenly another path had shown itself, and even though she had no idea where it would lead, she was curious. Maybe the path had always been there, and she was prevented from seeing it. But now - now it was clearly there, like it was boldly announcing its presence.

Her eyes slowly drifted to the clock. It was almost 6:30 pm, which meant dinnertime in her family. It was probably the closest thing to a normal family they did, and her father was always insistent on having dinner together at the same time every day, without fail. Megami walked out of the room and asked a maid that was passing by to bring her things to her room. She would’ve done it herself, but she didn’t want to be late.

By the time she had walked into their dining room, the rest of her family had already started sitting down. There was her mother, who had recently come back from some PR trip for their company. She was constantly out on trips, representing their company at other places. She, after all, was Saikou Corp’s largest competitor before she married into the family. She was well versed in the business world. There was also her brother who was already sitting down and patiently waiting. When he saw Megami, he looked away. Then there was her father who was talking to a butler, discussing who knows what. She quickly joined them at the table.

Megami sat down at her normal place, across from Kencho. Her father and mother sat on opposite sides of the table, on her right and left hand. She tucked the napkin into her shirt collar and gently shifted the several forks and spoons near her plate. 

“Today’s main course is Wagyu steak. A5 of course,” one of the people came out of the kitchen and passed out plates of the dish. “For your sides, you have some sauteed mushrooms, asparagus, and baked potato. The chef was aiming for something simple yet flavorful today.”

Megami’s father neatly cut a slice of the steak and put it in his mouth. He closed his eyes and chewed for several moments as everyone awaited his response. He was always the first to eat, and everyone had to wait until he was done with his first bite.

“Marvelous,” he said after swallowing. “The simple salt and pepper seasoning compliments the richness and tenderness of the beef.” He nodded again in satisfaction. “My compliments to the chef. Exceptionally well done today.”

Then her mother started eating, then her brother, then she was the last one to start cutting the steak. Megami didn’t feel all that hungry today, even though the food smelled amazing. She felt tense. She still had her father on her mind. She couldn’t take it when someone was mad at her.

“How has school been, Megami?” Her mother spoke up over the silence. “It feels like everytime I see you, you’ve grown a little more.”

Megami looked at her and swallowed the food in her mouth. Her mother was the only person in the family Megami genuinely loved and felt loved by. Both of them were busy most of the time, so they didn’t see each other all too frequently. “It’s been fine. Busy, certainly, but that’s normal.”

“You’re a second year now, aren’t you? You’re almost an adult now. Oh,” she let out a small sigh, “how time passes quickly. Before you know it, you’re going to be working in the company. You’ll be following in your father’s footsteps so soon.”

Megami glanced at her father, who was still silently chewing his food.  She wasn’t feeling as tense as before. Her mother seemed to lighten the mood a lot. She started cutting another piece of steak, “Of course, but there’s still a long way to go before I can reach Father's position.”

The father slowly nodded. “It won’t be long, Megami. I’ve been giving you more and more responsibility, and if you can handle it well, I could make you my personal assistant soon.”

“I’ve been doing well too, Father,” Kencho blurted. There was this wild look in his eyes that pleaded for attention. “My grades are perfect, a-and, my teacher says I’m the highest ranked student in the entire grade, and if I maintain this level I could go to any university in the world-” The longer he talked, the more the silence became all too apparent, and he slowly trailed off.

“That’s good Kencho,” his father said, though his uninterest was apparent. 

“Yes, keep up the good work Kencho,” his mother added with a small smile. “You’ll be just like your sister at this rate.”

Kencho’s face fell into a frown and he grew very quiet, a silent jealousy and resentment that Megami could feel from across the table. He returned to eating his dinner, refusing to speak any further.

“Anyways, Megami. Tell me how your classes are. How are your friends doing?” Her mother winked, “See any boys you like?”

“ Mother !” Megami groaned.

“I’m just kidding,” she laughed. “When I was your age, all the boys were chasing after me. I don’t expect any different for you.”

“Well, I’ve been a little too busy to really pay attention.”

“How’s Aoi? Still slouching as always?”

“She’s doing well,” Megami responded. 

“That’s good, that’s good,” her mother waved her fork in the air, “I hope that girl learns to fix her posture. How about the rest of the council?”

“The usual, really. Ever since I came back to in-person school, things are running as smooth as they can be. We’re starting to plan for the culture festival.”

Her mother grinned, “Culture festival! It’s that time of the year huh? Akademi High puts on the best festivals in the nation, isn’t that right Ichiro?”

Ichiro wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Of course. We have the highest budget, quite simply. Akademi is the top of the nation in everything, I make sure it stays that way.”

“These years of your life are gonna pass by in the blink of an eye. Cherish it well,” the mother advised. "It'll probably be some of the best memories you'll make in your life."

 He glanced at his watch and let out a small sigh. “I’m afraid I have an important meeting to prepare for.”

“Leaving so soon?” The mother asked. “It feels like we’ve barely started eating.”

Ichiro stood up from the table and lightly adjusted his tie. “Speak for yourself. While you were chatting, I was eating my food. I did not finish my entire meal either.” Before anyone could say any more, he pushed in his chair. “You’ll have to excuse me. I’m meeting with a representative of Toyota. We have big plans to discuss.”

“Toyota? That’s exciting. Good luck, honey!” Megami’s mother called out as he left the room.

“You’ll have to excuse me too,” Kencho said all of a sudden. He pushed the chair away from the table and stood up. “I have some homework to catch up on.”

“Oh. Okay, um,” the mother said, “do your best.” She waved goodbye to the boy who was quickly walking out of the room, then let out a sigh. “Looks like it’s just us two then, hm Megami?”

Megami smiled. “It seems so…” She put down her fork. “Mother. I can come to you for anything right?”

Her mother took a bite of steak. “Of course, of course! What is it? Do you need some pocket money?” She leaned forward and grinned. “Is it boy trouble? Your father’s gone so we can talk about anything.”

“It’s not that, Mother. I… I’ve been feeling a bit of doubt lately. In myself. And well, it’s just that… I’ve been worried. What if I can’t inherit the company?”

“Oh, don’t worry Megami. I went through the same thing when I was your age.”

“You did?”

“I think everyone goes through the same thing when they’re a teenager. I thought I wasn’t worthy enough to become CEO of my company either. But, I kept rising and rising, and I became Saikou Corp’s biggest competitor. Self doubt is natural, but as you keep going, you’ll find that you’ve always been competent. And if I’m being honest? The feeling never goes away. You just learn to repress it.”

“No, I mean… what if I don’t want to-”

“Nonsense Megami, you’re the perfect daughter anyone could ask for. You’re the only person who could inherit the company. Don’t doubt yourself. And I know that’s easier said than done, but you really have nothing to worry about. You’re way better than I ever could be already, at such a young age. No matter what you think, you’re capable, okay?”

That was not what Megami meant, but the opportunity had passed and she had lost all the momentum she built up. The moment had passed and she didn’t feel right saying it again. “Okay, Mother.”

“Good. Take what I said to heart, because you’re gonna have to deal with these types of emotions for a long time.”

“You really think so?” She swallowed. “...I think you’ll have to excuse me too.” Megami got up from the table and bowed lightly. “I wish I could stay and chat more but I’ve also got work to catch up on.”

“Oh, of course, of course.” Her mother stood up too. “I think I have some reports I need to check out too.” She smiled again at Megami. “If you ever need advice, just come to me. I’ll always support you.”

“Thank you, Mother.” She bowed again and left the dining hall, fists clenched. Would her mother still support her if she knew what she was thinking? If she ever decided not to inherit the company, her mother would probably be one of the few people in the family that would still talk to her.

Megami returned to her room and sat down at her desk. Truth was, she had already finished her homework and the rest of her duties for the day. She just needed a moment. She looked around her room. Awards, trophies, honors, accolades, merits neatly decorated the walls of her room. Suddenly it didn’t feel real. What was all of this for? 

She closed her eyes and tilted her head up. A wave of fatigue overcame her and she opened her eyes again weakly. She was tired, so so tired. Perhaps she'd been tired for a long time and it was only now she realized it. It was like her world was crumbling below her feet and she was desperately trying to scrape it up so no one would see the mess.

Chapter Text

It was 8:15 in the morning when Osoro arrived at Akademi High, returning from her suspension for the countless time. Her hand tightly gripped her backpack and a small breath left her. It felt like she’d stood at these gates over and over again, growing more tired and frustrated with herself and the school. It would only be a matter of time before she’d be standing in front of the teacher getting scolded, before she’d have to listen to another boring ass lecture from the counselor, before she’d lay on her bed staring at the ceiling, wondering when things would change.

“Boss, you’ve missed so much at school!” Umeji chirped from her side. He was grinning, arms folded behind his head. The rest of the group was walking around her, chatting away. Their boss’s arrival had given them a sudden new vigor, and they’d found themselves more energetic lately. Osoro Shidesu, their fearless leader, was back. What could matter more?

“That so?” Osoro responded curiously. 

“Yeah man!” Hokuto said. “Ever since you broke that bitch’s nose, everyone’s been whispering your name.”

“People are scared of us. I mean, more than they already are,” Dairoku added. “But we don’t mind! If it’s in your name, then all the better.”

“The rumors been spreadin’ that you went too far and beat her up badly or something. But it’s alright Boss,” Gaku said, “cuz everyone secretly knows that those Gyaru’s are buncha assholes anyways, so I think no one’s gonna really pay attention to ‘em rumors.”

Osoro shoved her hands into her pockets, keeping her gaze low. Anyone in her path quickly avoided eye contact with her. Her glare could throw daggers. “I don’t give a shit ‘bout whatever they’re sayin’. As long as they ain’t bothering you guys.” 

“We were ready to defend your name and everythin’, Boss,” Hayanari said excitedly, eyes glinting, “We heard some of ‘em Gyarus talking mad shit about you for breaking Hoshiko’s nose, and we were ready to throw hands!”

Osoro let out a small chuckle. “Don’t do that. They piss me off as badly as you do but sometimes you gotta bite your tongue and hold it in.” She tilted her head, glancing at her group. “I mean, I don’t want you guys to get in trouble tryna defend me. I’m lucky enough that I didn’t get sued. I broke her nose and I gotta pay the price for it by myself... Probably shouldn’t have swung so hard,” she muttered.

“She deserved it,” Umeji declared.

“Do you even know why I punched Hoshiko?”

“I mean, if you punched her, then you had a good reason for it,” Umeji said. “We know you’d never do shit like that randomly. She had it coming, we don’t care what it was for. And plus, it’s Hoshiko we’re talking about here, I’d square up with her the moment I get.”

“I gotta say, I am kinda curious,” Gaku admitted. “How’d she piss you off?”

“Well.” Osoro sighed annoyedly as she recounted the memory. “I overheard her talking shit to someone. And I stood there for a moment, staring at her and she looked at me. Then she was like ‘What do you want?’, and I told her to piss off and leave the person alone. Then she looked around to make sure no one was listening, then she kinda smirked then she started talkin’ crap about me. She’s got one hell of a tongue on her.”

“So ya whacked her hard in the face?” Hayanari asked excitedly.

“I didn’t really do much at first, just kinda stood there to her spoutin’ out shit about me…,” Osoro muttered. “Then she started talking about what she used to do to you guys and I told her to shut up, but she wouldn’t stop so I got fed up.”

“Aw Boss, you were looking out for us too!” Dairoku grinned.

“They piss me off so badly.” Osoro clenched her fist tightly. “They throw the rocks at the window and hide their hands. Fucking cunts.”

She felt the anger rise in her like a large wave when she thought about Hoshiko. The bully sneered at her and told her how everyone knew the rumors about her. Osoro stood there, as stoic as ever, unmoving. She frankly didn’t give a shit about what people knew about her. What difference did it make? Then Hoshiko started talking about how her group used to make the boys’ life hell on earth, and how they almost drove them to kill themselves. She had said it with such a proud look. That was when Osoro swung her arm before she could even think twice.

Hokuto said, “We would do the same in a heartbeat for you too, Boss.”

Umeji looked at her. His blonde hair lightly swayed in the breeze, eyes squinting as he grinned at the girl. Every time he saw Osoro, he remembered who he used to be. A scared and weak boy, desperate for anything that could stop the pain. The day Osoro showed up was the day he learned the answer.

“We’re glad you’re back, Boss,” Umeji said. “Seriously.”

“Yeah, well,” Osoro let out a small smirk. “We’ll see how long that’ll last. I swear the moment I look the wrong way and or even breathe in the wrong direction, I’ll get in trouble with either Kunahito or with the Student Council.”

“The good ol’ fucking Student Council…” Dairoku sighed at the name. “The other day, I was standing around kickin’ about and the fucking Ryugoku girl told me I was late for class. Told her to fuck off and she kept staring at me with that stupid eyepatch until I couldn’t stand it anymore.”

“Same thing happened to me with Akane!” Gaku exclaimed. “That bitch’s smile is fake as hell. They’ve got something out for us, I tell you.”

“And they’re gonna come looking for us again if we don’t get to class soon,” Osoro said as the bell rang in the distance. “Now get your asses to class, y’all hear me?”

“Yes ma’am,” they all repeated in unison. Osoro nodded and the group split their ways. 

Class 2-2 wasn’t too far away, just a little walk up the stairs. As Osoro walked through the hallway, the seas of students trying to get to their classes on time passed by in a blur. She could hear the soft murmurs drifting around the corridor.

“Did you hear?... broke Hoshiko’s nose…"

“Really? I heard she broke her arm or something…”

“So scary…”

“Oh shit… she’s looking at me…”

“Why haven’t they expelled her?...”

She kept her eyes straight forward, making eye contact with everyone and no one at the same time. It was apparent that the Bullies had spread the rumor far and wide within the past two weeks she was gone. The most reasonable thing Osoro might have done was get angry and feed the deep hatred she already had for them. But she wasn’t as angry as she thought she would be. She’d gotten accustomed to rumors being spread about her. It almost seemed like anything anyone knew about her was fake or half true, and she’d resigned to just shutting her mouth and letting them spread. It was pointless trying to defend herself. If people were scared of her, then they wouldn’t try anything with her, and that was for the best.

Osoro sat down at her desk and set down her backpack, catching the eye of Megami who had arrived early from a student council meeting. A few late students rushed in, scrambling to find their seats before the teacher came into the classroom, hoping they wouldn’t be marked late. Mrs. Rikitake, holding her papers, came in, and the idle chatter of the class grew quiet.

The class representative, who was Megami of course, led them through the morning routine. Standing up to bow, taking attendance, making the announcements and updates regarding upcoming events. Mrs. Rikitake thanked her and went on with other announcements.

Megami observed Osoro from the corner of her eye. Blonde, messy hair tumbling over shoulders, black tattered jacket that seemed to hug and never let go of her body. Her eyes drifted to her wrapped up forearms where she’d seen those burns and she felt a lump in her throat. It was hard not to worry, to act like nothing was wrong and pretend like nothing had happened, like she hadn’t seen anything. Especially when she knew that Osoro had gotten into another fight.

“...Does everyone understand the instructions? Good.” Mrs. Rikitake adjusted her glasses. “Oh, and Osoro, you pair up with Megami for the rest of the day. You’ve missed quite a bit when you were gone, so Megami, make sure you catch her up, please.”

A loud sigh could be heard as Osoro grabbed her books and plopped down in the chair in front of Megami, slouching and arms folded. Up close, Megami could better see the light purple and fading yellow lining the edges of her jaw. Someone must have delivered a hard blow. There was a small white bandaid on her cheek and a red line above her eyebrow, and a bandaid over her hand. A faint scent of smoke lingered into her nose.

Amber eyes locked onto silver eyes, snapping Megami back to attention. Her heart skipped a bit when their eyes met. It was an aggressive gaze, almost angry, but it wasn’t a direct anger. It was an inner flame, hot and dangerous but contained, restrained and held back. But now that they were face to face, she saw how tired the blonde was. Under those light eyes were heavy and dark eye circles, like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and it was dragging her down. It made Megami’s heart wrench.

“Osoro. The day before yesterday, I-”

“We’re supposed to be doing our work.”

“I know, but I just want to ask if you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” Osoro spat out.

“Are you sure-”

“Look man, I got like two weeks of lessons to catch up on. You gonna help me or not?”

Megami pursed her lips. She would be talking to a brick wall if she continued. “Yes, I will. But don’t think I’m done talking to you.”

Osoro rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, alright. Now can you teach me what the fuck’s been going on in class?”

“Well. In Japanese, we read this short story…” Megami opened up her binder and she began reteaching the material to Osoro. Her eyes darted around, trying to avoid staring at any spot for too long. She tried her best to keep her words formal and distant; she was just tutoring a classmate, nothing more, nothing less. They would switch from subject to subject, going back to topics, questions exchanged and answers given.

It was not long before the bell rang, signaling for lunch. Before Megami could even finish putting away her binder, the delinquent was already out the class door. She tilted her head up only to see the tails of the black coat disappear behind the door frame. She stuffed her binder away quickly, and tried following her before she was gone, but it was too late. She had disappeared beneath the waves of people.

The rest of Megami’s lunch was spent trying to find where the girl had so quickly ran off to. She only wanted to ask if she was okay - Why? Why did Osoro always avoid her? Was Megami doing something wrong? Did Osoro just hate her for no reason? She couldn’t stomach the thought of being disliked.

Under the guise of going on a patrol, the President walked back and forth around the campus, hoping to spot the familiar blonde hair, but no luck. Maybe she was off smoking again. Megami paced around the back ends of the school, hoping to perhaps find one of her cronies, but even they were gone. She wasn’t even at her usual spot near the incinerator. Her eyes scanned the grass for any ashes or cigarette butts, looking for signs that they were nearby.

Osoro’s smoking habit was one that Megami had repeatedly tried to talk to her about. She could recall the first time she had to scold her for smoking back when they were first years. At the time, Osoro was the poster child of a yankii to her. Violent, standoffish, quiet but loud when she wanted to, so cold and distant yet fiery and scorching to whoever even dared approaching, always glaring at everyone and frowning. But she was never exactly mean or purposely causing trouble, she just kinda sat in her chair, sulking and brooding around, which was the confusing part. She was an enigma that Megami wanted to crack.

To Megami’s luck, the teacher always paired them up in hopes that Megami’s influence would rub off on the delinquent, and it was through that that Megami found out very quickly that there was a lot more to her than the surface. For instance, Osoro was a lot more intelligent than she let on. She wasn’t some dumb loud mouthed brash delinquent that never paid attention in class. It was the opposite if anything - she paid a scary amount of attention when she decided to focus. In those moments her presence was still and intent, like a cat stalking its prey, gaze held study and alert, almost unmoving.

Once when Megami was tutoring her and the blonde was getting restless, she offered to play a game of shogi with her as a small break, something to take their minds off. Megami had expected it would end quickly, but they ended up playing the entire afternoon and Osoro even almost won. 

That shogi game revealed a character of Osoro to Megami she’d never seen before. The way her golden eyes narrowed and studied the shogi board so patiently and carefully, the way she carried herself confidently in each step and move, her hands folding under her chin and she’d sit there thinking and thinking, rough and calloused fingers moving the little shogi pieces with such gentleness and precision. Her husky voice spoke about strategies in such a captivating manner like she was on the battlefield commanding soldiers, and the way her eyes would light up and she’d grin when she captured another piece. This Osoro could not have been the same one that Megami thought she knew.

“You know, Osoro,” Megami told her. “I don’t play Shogi with a lot of people. I only play with my tutor because he’s the only one who gives me a challenge. But you,” Megami said, trying to hide her astonishment, “are, I think, the first person my age I’ve met to almost beat me.”

“I almost beat a Saikou at something. Has hell frozen over? ” Osoro picked up her King piece and held it up to her face, planting a small kiss on it and grinned. “I’m gonna keep this piece. My new lucky charm. ”

“Go ahead. But I must ask, where did you learn to play so well?”

“My middle school homeroom teacher taught me. She said she thought I’d be good at it, and she was right. She thought I was really good at solving puzzles too. I liked her a lot. She never gave me crap.” Osoro stared at the tile in her hand. “I don’t know… Even though I still can’t read more than two pages of a book without wanting to smash my head in, I somehow made it this far. Maybe she saw something in me that even I can’t see.”

“There’s no shame if you can’t read that well, that’s what I’m here to help you for, right? You made it to Akademi High, and it’s not like you got here through connections or paid your way here, which already says enough about you.”

“Yeah, and I’m being tutored by the Saikou princess of all people,” Osoro snorted. “Life sure can be fucking crazy, eh?”

Another thing Megami learned, though much more recently than she would have liked, was that Osoro’s seeming coldness could be explained by what she was going through. It was in that way Megami could understand Osoro’s personality on a much deeper level. The blonde wasn’t as mean and cruel as she seemed. It showed through her small actions when no one was looking. The way Osoro would silently defend people from being bullied, the way she took those five boys under her wing when they needed her the most, the way she’d always take care to make sure she never stepped on a little insect on the sidewalk, how she was so gentle to the small sparrows and tiny creatures that passed by.

If you spent enough time with her, it was obvious that her toughness was only on the outside. Or the way Megami understood it, it was a defense mechanism. Leaving no space for vulnerability meant there was also no space for cracking. Being standoffish and pushing away people meant that she wouldn’t have to get hurt. 

After looking around a little more, Megami circled back to the quad as one last attempt to find the delinquent. She murmured greetings to other students who passed by, and said hello to the teachers. Still no Osoro in sight. Her watch read 1:05. The bell was going to ring soon. Where could Osoro possibly be? She bit her lip. Calm down, Megami thought to herself. Think this through rationally. She could probably catch her in class.

But as the class began and the students started shuffling back in, she still didn’t see her. Megami tightly clenched her pencil in frustration, partly irritated from her irresponsibility (She missed two weeks of school, was she really skipping class again?), but mainly because she couldn’t leave things off like that with Osoro again. 

“Welcome back from lunch everyone,” the teacher said. It was now their social studies teacher standing in front of the class, cleaning the whiteboard. “Today, we’re going to continue our study of the Meiji Restoration. Please take out the homework that was assigned last time,” he turned around to face the class, “and… Where’s Osoro?” The teacher sighed. “What am I going to do with that girl… Megami, can you go find her please?”

The universe was giving her one more chance.

“Yes sir.” Megami stood up and bowed a little before leaving the classroom. 

----------

Osoro held the small cylinder between two fingers as she fumbled in her pocket for a lighter. She was leaning against the wall at her usual spot near the incinerator, but now there was no one there except her. She had come to the back of the school where no one would find her, giving into the cravings. Maybe it was because her body was still sore and she hoped that the nicotine would numb her a little. No… that was only half the reason.

It’s not like she loved smoking or she did it to look tough like many who were in her circle. It just seemed like it was always part of her life. Her dad was a smoker, a heavy one too. Cigarettes were always around, on the table, in pockets, in the trash. When she was little, when life was more kind and things hadn’t gotten so bad, her father tried to scare her away from them by saying all her teeth would fall out and her skin would melt. Little Osoro sat there thinking for a bit before realizing something didn’t add up. 

“But if that’s true then how come a lot of people smoke?”

Then her father sat there, looking at the sky, trying to find a good answer that could perhaps also serve as a life lesson.

“When you wanna convince someone to buy something, you wanna make it sound like it’s good, even though you know it’s not, right? ” He said.

She nodded and he continued. “ So you gotta make people want your product. You wanna get them hooked on it so they’ll keep buying again and again after the first time. That’s the thing with cigarettes. There’s something called nicotine in these, ” he held one up for her to see, “ and once you get a taste of it, you’ll never stop. ”

“Then why don’t people just… not smoke? If they know it’s addicting then why do they even start?”

“It ain’t as simple as that, kid. ” He placed a hand on her head. “ Cigarettes, or well, nicotine I guess, makes your brain feel good when you smoke it. And this world sucks. Some people can’t find anything that makes them happy so they get their peace off of cigarettes. Or drugs. Or whatever it is… to fill that hole in their hearts.”

“So then they’re really addicted to feeling good…  But doesn’t everyone want to feel good? ”

“Listen to me, the only thing that should be in your lungs is air, you got that? These cancer sticks only make you feel good for a little bit. Then after that, you’re back in reality again and you can’t feel that happiness anymore. And cigarettes… they slowly kill you. But you can’t stop because you’ve become dependent on them to feel that high that gets you happy. You crave it so badly you’re willing to overlook the fact that you’re killing yourself. That’s why they teach kids not to smoke. ”

It didn’t really register in Osoro’s head during that moment, but it seemed a bit ridiculous to her now how she didn’t give a single thought as to why her own father smoked. It was clear that her father had been speaking from experience. He was carrying some emotional baggage. And as much as Osoro would like to get him help, she was dealing with her own shit too.

Guess fucked up runs in the family.

Osoro couldn’t remember the moment she stopped feeling that happiness, like he had described. It was not like it suddenly started one day. It was when she became aware of how restless she was, she started realizing she had a problem. 

Any moment she could relax, she was unable to. There was always some form of anxiety plaguing her mind. Keeping up with school work, dealing with her drunk father, getting jumped… and if it wasn’t the constant worrying, it was the damn flashbacks. The memories of being beaten black and blue, the burns, the drunken yelling, blood and bandaids… all of them crawling to the front of her head and then it’d be the only thing she could think about, and that was where the cigarettes came in. Inhale and exhale and for a moment, it all went away. 

Every time she found herself thinking about things she didn’t want to, she’d light up a stick and close her eyes, hoping to block out those thoughts. She used to only smoke when she absolutely had to, when she felt herself being swallowed by the anxiety and the intrusive thoughts and she could feel herself slipping. But now it was happening more and more often, and she always found herself reaching for that pack of cigarettes because they seemed to be the only thing in her life that could make her head shut up.

Osoro held the lighter up to the cigarette and the butt glowed, and the world slowly floated away from her. It was a bad habit, she knew that. It was an addiction, she was well aware of that too. It was a terrible coping mechanism and she felt guilty whenever she saw the boys light one up. They didn’t have as much of a reason except that they saw Osoro doing it, so they did it too. She felt like she was dragging them down with her. They didn’t deserve that. But they revered her, admired and venerated her, and she could not change it no matter how much she tried. 

There was a moment of silence. It was a gentle silence, a mild peace that settled in the air. Grass swaying in the breeze, leaves rustling. Osoro closed her eyes to take in the calmness. That fuzzy feeling with nicotine was starting to kick in, her mind was quiet, no more intrusive thoughts or memories. If only she could capture this moment and stuff it in a glass jar. 

Then there were footsteps. A teacher? No. They were too light and delicate. She took the cigarette out of her mouth and stood there, listening closely. It wasn’t a teacher, it was a student, so that meant she didn’t have to worry about getting punished. But these footsteps still had that confidence in them, they were elegant but they were authoritative, which meant it could only be one person…

“Osoro.” Megami folded her arms, staring at the delinquent. The blonde was leaning against the wall, eyes closed. In between her fingers was a lit cigarette. “We need to talk.”

The blonde slowly opened her eyes, amber eyes flickering to Megami. She sighed frustratedly at the sound of her voice. “Why is it always you?”

“Sorry, but you’re cutting class, and well, it’s kind of my duty to reprimand you.” Megami walked closer until she was standing in front of her. “I’m part of the student council, if you’ve forgotten.”

“It’s just social studies.” The blonde straightened herself a little and they stood face to face. “I don’t need a forty five minute lecture on a government I don’t give a shit about.”

“Okay, but you’re also smoking again, and you know smoking is prohibited on campus.” Megami pointed at the small glowing stick between her fingers. “I’ve told you time and time after again how bad it is for your health-”

“Yeah, yeah I know. It’ll kill me and give me lung cancer and a bunch of other health issues and scientifically proven studies show whatever,” Osoro grumbled as she put the stick between her lips again.

“Then why? You’re well aware of what it’s doing to you.”

“Cuz’ my life is shit.” She inhaled again. “And my ribs ache like hell.”

Megami’s eyebrows furrowed. “You got hurt, didn’t you?”

“Well…” She avoided Megami’s concerned and intense look. There was no way she was getting out of this. “I think someone hit my head with a bat. And I got cut with a knife. But that’s it really.”

“A knife ?” Megami exclaimed.

“Jesus- It’s not that big of a deal!”

“You could’ve-” Megami inhaled sharply, “You could’ve been stabbed! How can you say it’s not that big of a deal?”

“You’re making it sound like someone brought a fucking machete or something. It was a little pocket knife. You probably couldn’t even cut an orange with it.”

“Osoro, this has gone way too far. You and your friends could have been seriously hurt, do you understand that?”

“We weren’t.”

“Did you get checked for concussions? Did you even see a doctor?”

“Fuck’s sake.” She felt another sharp pain shoot through her ribs and she tried to hide her wince. “We’re fine! Can you fuck off for once?”

“I’m sorry I’m trying to the responsible one in this conversation,” Megami argued back, “but I don’t think you understand the extent of danger you were in-”

“Fuck you mean you’re the responsible one?” Osoro growled, smashing the cigarette on the wall.

“I’m trying to look out for your safety because you , for some reason, can’t do it.”

“Yeah? Fuck you.” Osoro flashed her middle finger and turned around to leave.

“Real mature,” Megami called out. This was how most of their conversations ended. Futile broken attempts and misunderstandings. But when Megami saw Osoro start walking off into the distance, a spark inside her lit. No more running away. 

“Osoro!” She shouted, but the blonde kept walking.

Then Megami did the unthinkable. She grabbed Osoro’s wrist tightly and she could feel the blonde’s entire body tense up, flinching hard. It was, perhaps, one of the dumbest moves someone could make, and she knew how uncomfortable she was making Osoro, but a sudden overwhelming emotion brought this assertiveness forward, fueled by desire.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Osoro yelled angrily. She tried to yank her wrist away, but Megami’s grip wouldn’t loosen. The girl’s face contorted into rage, and for a moment Megami saw terrifying she could be. Those fiery eyes furiously glaring and threatening violence, jaw clenched hard so hard she could see the veins bulging out. This was the leader of the Delinquents. This was the girl who took on an entire gang of delinquents by herself and came out with a black tattered coat. This was the Osoro Shidesu that everyone else knew.

It was almost sad to see the desperation in those wild eyes, like some sort of trapped animal that had been backed into a corner, trying to bite the hand of anyone who came close.

Osoro could literally feel her blood pressure rising with those fingers wrapped around her wrist. That was the same motion her father did, that tight wrist grab that was always followed by a hard blow and left her with dark purple splotches on her face. A wave of anxiety overcame her and she felt nauseous. Everything in her was trying to jump out of her body, the hysterical fear of bracing herself for hurt clouding her brain, trying to swallow the feeling of panic. It took everything in her not to retaliate.

The delinquent swallowed shakily, voice cracking out, “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

There was another attempt to tear her wrist away from Megami, but her wrist wouldn’t move. (2)

“Because you’re my friend! I care about you!” Megami cried out. The culmination of all this frustration was finally bursting out like a dam that had been holding in too much water, and everything started flowing out uncontrollably.

The air held the silence for what felt like forever, and the two could only stare at each other. Osoro’s eyes were widened, anger slowly dissipating and replaced with speechlessness. Her gaze dropped to the grass. She had no idea what to say.

Megami inhaled slowly, trying to bring herself down into a calmer state. Speaking from her heart, something that was always so hard for her, now became so natural.

“I’m… worried for you, Osoro. You’re always getting hurt and I can’t tell where your bruises are coming from. You always look like you’re in pain somewhere, even when you think you’re hiding it. I’m scared that one day something will go too far and you’re going to end up getting really hurt… and I hate seeing someone I know, someone I care about getting hurt, and not being able to do anything about it… And you never listen to me! That’s the most frustrating part! Anytime me or Ms. Kunahito try to talk to you, you just blow us off and run away.”

At this point, Megami had finally loosened her hand and Osoro pulled away slowly, still trying to push down the nausea. It came to her that she was actually tilting her head up a little bit to make eye contact with Megami. She never really had to look up - She was always looking down because everyone was shorter than her. Except for Megami. The girl she could never seem to avoid, the girl who, for some reason, was always looking for her. Megami was the only one who forced her to look up.

“…Why do you care so much for me?” Osoro asked in a low mumble. “What do you see in me?”

“I know this is hard for you to understand. But… people can be nice to you without having some sort of ulterior motive. Not everyone is out to hurt you,” Megami said. Her cheeks were burning. “Some of us actually care about you.”

“I just don’t get it.” Osoro looked away. “I just don’t get why. I’m such an asshole to you. I don’t deserve your help.”

“Don’t say that. Look.” Megami reached out and touched her shoulder as gently as she could. Not her brightest moment considering she literally told her to not do so a few seconds ago. But this time, Osoro didn’t flinch or tense up like she always did, only staring at her with those eyes that were brewing up a storm. “I know you’re going through a lot. I know it takes a lot to just show up at school and act like everything’s fine. You bottle up your emotions so you can be tough - I get it. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I am always here for you. Ms. Kunahito is always here for you too. We want to help you.”

Osoro was still silent, unable to respond. Her lips parted for a brief second but the words never left her mouth. She was trying to say something, itching to answer Megami, but there was nothing. The faint light in her eyes trembled, as if they were fighting the urge to be defensive and put up those barriers around her heart, to say something snarky and run. 

Megami gazed into that troubled light for what felt like a long time. It made her think of something like the final throb of a soul’s dying embers, the moments of struggling and fighting to preserve itself but failing. She wanted to cup her hands over that light and save it, hold it close to her and protect it so it wouldn’t extinguish. She wanted to show the anxious scared puppy that it was okay to trust people, it was safe to eat from her hand, that she wasn’t going to hurt her like everyone else had.

The bell rang in the distance.

“Let’s get back. I’ll write up a pass for the teacher, okay?” Megami said.

“...Kunahito wants to meet with me.” Her voice was oh, so soft.

“That’s okay. Just…” Megami shifted her feet, preparing to go back to the classroom. The teacher must have been wondering what was taking so long. “Just take care of yourself, okay?”

Osoro let out a small noise that sounded somewhat like an “okay”, but it was so fragile and cracked. Something had been shattered in that moment and both of them knew it.

The two walked back to the classroom in silence. It felt less of a side by side walk between two friends and more like a shepherd nudging their sheep along. Megami nodded goodbye and entered the classroom, leaving Osoro to walk to the counselor’s room alone. 

The delinquent stood outside the class for a moment, hands shoved in her pockets. Her fingers reached for the pack of cigarettes and she held it in her palm. She let go, then reached into the pocket on the other side and pulled out a shogi tile. It was the king piece, her lucky charm. 

She made her way to the counselor’s office. Ms. Kunahito. She probably saw the counselor more than her own father. She took a deep breath, preparing herself, and knocked on the door.

Chapter Text

Recording twenty six… 

Today is Monday, the fifteenth. As I mentioned in the previous recordings, I’ve been trying to break down Osoro Shidesu’s walls. Everyone’s got walls, I get that. Some people are more vulnerable, have thin walls that don’t take much to get past. But this girl… Her walls are tens of meters thick and reinforced with steel. I’ve been chipping away slowly, piece by piece, but she’s not making progress as quickly as I was hoping. There’s definitely been an improvement since I first began recording these tapes but I guess the question is more like… how do you break down the walls of someone who’s been hardened by the world? 

I know she’s upset at me for what happened with those five boys. She’s justified in that. Those five were my greatest failure and regret, and I refuse to fail Osoro in this manner. As difficult as she can be, I can’t find myself getting mad at Osoro. Frustrated, sure, but I feel like I’m her mother sometimes with the amount of lectures I give her…  though I don’t take that as a negative thing because I know she grew up without a proper parental figure. I will happily fill that spot for her if that means I can help her. 

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know if I can ever get to her…  but I’ll keep trying. I’m about to have another meeting with her, so I’ll update in a week.

Signing off, 

Genka Kunahito.

Genka Kunahito had not been a counselor for very long. She was only twenty five, young and eager to make a difference in the lives of her students. Following in her mother’s footsteps, she took on the job of guidance counselor at Akademi High, hoping that she could live up to her family’s expectations. For the most part, the past few years hadn’t been that bad, though certainly busy, perhaps a few bumps in the road and some ups and downs, but Akademi High kids were respectable and well achieved students. At most, they really only had to meet with the counselor for some college guidance, rarely for discipline. 

Then there was Osoro, her first major challenge and the first “problem child” she met. She didn’t mind. This was what she was here for, after all. The first time they talked face to face, Megami Saikou and Aoi Ryugoku had practically dragged her into her office because she had been caught smoking. Kunahito knew her from that one incident where she had supposedly fought one hundred students from a rival gang at once and won. Ms. Kunahito hadn’t done anything back then - it could be argued that it technically happened in front of the campus and not in the campus, so she hadn’t been breaking any rules. But before this, Osoro had largely flown under the radar for the most part, besides a few minor things that didn’t really need much attention.

It was clear from that first talk with Osoro, that even though she was the living stereotype of a delinquent, had so much potential. Her grades were fine, she seemed to generally be respectful to her teachers, even from talking with her you could see she was mature enough to be self aware and put thought into her words. She was rather quiet in comparison to most people on a general basis. If there was nothing to be said, she didn’t bother talking. Her sharp eyes and her rugged face said everything that needed to be said. It was absolutely nothing like how Umeji, Dairoku, Gaku, Hokuto, or Hayanari acted, which seemed like a contradiction - Osoro was the one who had turned them into delinquents, wasn’t she? 

So addressing her behavior was one thing, the most important part was to figure out why this was happening. What could cause a girl like this to become violent, to constantly frown and always look so troubled?

It was a simple psychological idea - There was always a reason behind a behavior, especially when it came to delinquency. And Ms. Kunahito, being a counselor with a background in psychology, knew that very well. 

It was her first meeting with Mr. Shidesu where her questions were answered.

It was Osoro’s first suspension. They sat in the office, and Kunahito saw the girl, eyes refusing to look up from the ground, lips pursed and arms folded. She was nervous. No, she was scared . Osoro Shidesu was never nervous, and she was certainly never scared. She was always the calm and collected one. The boys that followed her around were the hotheaded ones who shouted and yelled, Osoro was the one who radiated a type of quiet intimidation that, in the opinion of many people, was a lot more scary. 

Kunahito did not feel that sense of disapproval anymore. Instead there was this urge to protect the girl. She was still a kid after all, only sixteen years old. She wanted to stand between Osoro and her father, to yell at him and scold him, to ask how could you do this to your own daughter? 

Then there was the question of how to deal with her. The principal was intent on keeping up the reputation of Akademi High and that meant suspension, something Ms. Kunahito did not want to do. So she made an appeal to the principal, only to be answered with the threat of losing her job if she didn’t obey him. She felt helpless. Thus, she took it upon herself to visit Osoro when given the chance because now the girl became her self-appointed responsibility. 

And now that Osoro was sitting in front of her again, she had to make another attempt to talk with her. Engaging in a conversation with Osoro always a balancing act. She had to lay down the law, but she also had to be there for her emotionally.

“Osoro. How have you been?” Kunahito asked. It was just the two in her office. 

“...Fine.” The blonde was staring at the floor, refusing to meet her in the eye. She was not in a talkative mood, but that was pretty normal. She had been here countless times to the point where if she closed her eyes, she could describe everything in the room. The cup of tea that was always on the desk, the slightly crooked painting on the wall, bookshelves of psychology and university textbooks, a well watered plant in the corner of the room. It was almost her second home at this point.

“Megami told me you got into another fight.”

Of course Megami told her. Why wouldn’t she, after all. Osoro leaned back in her chair with a small sigh. She tried not to wince when her back hit the chair. Her ribs still hurt. “Yeah.”

“Mind telling me what happened?”

“We got challenged by a gang from Buzara. So we went. And we won.”

Kunahito stared at the bandage on her cheek and the grip she had on her pen tightened just a little bit more. “Did you seek medical attention afterwards?”

 “No.”

There was a short silence as Kunahito waited for her to continue, but she was used to Osoro’s usual blunt answers. Looks like this conversation wasn’t going to go too far. “Osoro. You understand how dangerous-”

“Hey, spare me the lecture alright? I already got my ass chewed out by Megami.”

Kunahito’s head tilted at the name of the Student President. Megami? It was a little odd, but Megami had told her that she wanted to check up on Osoro. What an interesting pair. Ms. Kunahito quickly wrote her name down on a sticky note. “Do you remember what we talked about last time?”

“You mean when you suspended me?” She spat out, eyes narrowing.

“You broke a student’s nose, Osoro.”

“You fucking, you fucking promised you wouldn’t suspend me again!” Her hands clenched the sides of her chair tightly, bitter eyes flashing with rage. It was all so hypocritical to her. How could Kunahito talk about wanting to help her then suspend her? It was absolute bullshit. She was trying to reform Osoro’s friends too, when she was the one who allowed things to escalate so far.

Ms. Kunahito wanted to apologize, to say she was sorry and that she was forced to do so, but she knew she couldn’t just excuse her actions. She was still a counselor, and Osoro was a student who had broken a rule. “I promised I wouldn’t suspend you as long as you didn’t do anything that would result in an expulsion. You know I would never suspend you if it were up to me! The principal forces me to abide by the school guidelines. Osoro,” she said slowly, “I care about you, I really do. I worry about you, believe it or not. I worry if you’re getting home safe. I worry if you’re being hurt. I am trying my best to help you, but you have to do your part too.”

“You know what Hoshiko was saying to me, huh?” Osoro’s low voice crept into a rise. “She was telling me how she used to make the boys want to kill themselves, how she knew about my fucking deadbeat dad and you’re telling me to just let her keep going on like that?” She was almost yelling,“You think I’m just going to pretend like I didn’t hear that?” 

“ Please keep your voice down.” When Ms. Kunahito saw Osoro sit back in her chair with her jaw clenched, she sighed and pushed up her glasses. “Look. I have talked with Hoshiko about her behavior. I’m not going to deny what she said was extremely out of line, but it doesn’t mean you can just break her nose. I’m not sure how many times I have to repeat this, but violence is never the solution.”

“It’s solved all my problems,” Osoro muttered angrily. “Talk shit and get hit. That’s how I learned it.”

Oh , Osoro . Ms. Kunahito’s eyes softened. She knew Osoro’s past and what she was going through. No doubt Osoro had been on the receiving end of whatever cruel messed up lesson she learned from her father.

Ms. Kunahito couldn’t blame her for how she saw the world. She was sorry that adults had failed Osoro and left the girl hardened, and she felt like it was her duty to make up for what had been lost and taken away. It was her job to show her that the world wasn’t a cruel sadistic place.

“When you graduate Osoro, you’re going to find yourself in the real world and you’re going to realize that it’ll only get you into more and more trouble.”

“Yeah well, when I graduate I won’t be getting my ass kicked all the time,” Osoro grumbled, her eyes casting down to the ground. “It’s not like I’m out there starting fights for fun.”

“But it’s the way you look at problems. Your first instinct doesn’t have to be to try to solve the problem as quickly as possible. It’s okay to just sit on things for a little bit. It’s okay to just let things blow by,” Kunahito said. “Do you ever take a moment to just relax? Have you tried any of those breathing exercises I recommended?”

“I just… I just can’t. It ain’t in my nature to just wait things out.” She folded her arms, gripping herself awkwardly. “How can I relax when there’s so much shit to worry about?”

“Yeah?” Ms. Kunahito reached for her notepad. She would take any chance she could when Osoro opened up, even if it was just a little bit. “Tell me about that. What’s eating at your mind so much that you can’t relax?”

Osoro shot her a curious glance. She didn’t have to say anything. She didn’t need to tell Ms. Kunahito anything if she wanted, and frankly, that’s what she wanted. But… Megami had given her that long ass speech, said all that crap about how they wanted to help. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. But it was so uncomfortable. It was so uncomfortable exposing her thoughts and being vulnerable because it felt like someone could take advantage of that and hurt her. That wasn’t a rational thought and Osoro knew that. Kunahito wouldn’t hurt her. She took a deep breath.

Just spit it out. It’s not that hard... But it is that hard. No it’s not. Stop being a bitch. Just tell her something for once. Don’t be such an asshole. Stop gripping the chair so hard. Stop being scared. She’s not gonna hurt you. She won’t hurt you. She won’t yell at you. Just say it. Shit man, this is literally what Megami is talking about. She’s waiting for you to say something. Why are you acting like this?

“Is it because of what’s going back at home?” Ms. Kunahito asked gently.

“...I guess.” Osoro looked at her hands. Megami had gripped her wrist so hard earlier it felt like a small bruise was starting to form. She was going to say it. Yes, she wasn’t going to be standoffish for once, she decided. “I think that’s a part of it. A good chunk of it.”

“Did he do anything to you?” The counselor’s voice was soft, quietly pushing for an answer. It was such a touchy subject that was so heavy at the same time. The amount of times she had come close to calling child protective services was way too many. She would have, without hesitation, but Osoro had profusely expressed how she really didn’t want that happening in previous conversations. So Ms. Kunahito was forced to just stand by and wait. It bothered her tremendously, but she knew Osoro would never forgive her, and she needed the girl to trust her.

Osoro blew a strand of hair out of her face. “No, no… not this time.” She saw the counselor write something down on the notepad. “I think another part comes from school. Keeping up with classes ain’t easy, ‘especially since I’m out of class a lot. Homework and exams and everything. They don’t call this school prestigious for no reason.”

“Certainly, a lot of students also struggle with coursework. I think you told me a while ago that Megami was helping you with your reading, right?”

“Yeah. Well, we don’t do those tutoring sessions as frequently as before but sure. She helps me out sometimes.” Osoro looked up at Ms. Kunahito, who was nodding encouragingly at her. “And, the other part, I think, is the fact that I always have to watch my back wherever I go. I can’t… y’know…” She searched for the right words to describe the constant anxious feeling that was always sitting uncomfortably inside her, but nothing came. “There’s a lotta people who I've made enemies with. They’re always looking for the chance to get back at me when I don’t expect it.”

Ms. Kunahito was glad that Osoro was finally opening up, but she wondered what had caused this change of heart. She wasn’t exactly doing anything different from before. “Gang violence is unfortunately one of the harder things to deal with.”

“I'd hardly call them gangs… just some idiots who are obsessed with this stupid idea of honor. If I’ve ‘wronged’ them, they’ll do everything in their power to make me pay. It’s maddening.” The blonde let out a large sigh and ran her fingers through her hair. “It always feels like I got a target on my back and everyone’s got their bows aimed at me and the moment I let my guard down, they’ll release the arrows.”

“I see. You know,” she said, “you can call the police if it comes to it. They do night time patrols around the neighborhoods. If you feel threatened, they can escort you to your house.”

“You serious? That’d look so stupid. That’d probably paint an ever larger target on my back. Plus, it’s not over when I get home.” Osoro looked to the side. “Sometimes… I mean, most of the time, my dad gets home drunk off his ass. And it feels like he’s a bomb waiting to explode. Any moment. Just any moment. And I’m in my room, holding my breath and waiting for that bomb to go off. So to avoid it, I go outside. But then I gotta worry about getting jumped, and then I’m falling behind on my homework because I’m out of the house. That’s my problem, you get it? There’s just no time to relax.”

“If you’re more worried that it looks stupid over the fact that it’s dangerous, maybe you care more about this ‘honor’ than you think,” Ms. Kunahito suggested. 

“It ain’t like that.” Osoro stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out how to respond. She had a point. Maybe she really was just pretending not to care, because in the deepest parts of herself, she did care. She cared that other people would think she was weak. She could be seen as scary, mean, cruel, but never weak. That was the one thing she was not. Kunahito was right. “...Okay, maybe I do care a bit.”

“It’s okay to care about what other people think. At least you’re able to admit you care. It’s better than blocking out the emotions, because when you bottle up those feelings, they manifest into anger and frustration. You know that. That’s why you fight, isn’t it?”

“You tryna get all psychological on me?” Osoro tilted her head. 

“I want you to see something here. I’m trying to point out the root cause. Anger quickly leads to destruction. And you feel angry all the time, isn’t that right? My concern is if you don’t deal with this in a healthy way, you’re going to self-destruct because right now, you are a ticking time bomb.” Ms. Kunahito leaned forward, pointing at her. “The longer you hold off dealing with your problems, the more dangerous you get. And you come really close to setting off the trigger too many times without realizing it. When you get into those fights, you engage in that self destructive behavior and you feed into it. Yet you don’t act like it’s a big deal, and that’s what worries me.”

“I-I don’t know,” Osoro sputtered out. Her throat felt dry.  She had never really said this to anyone, and now that she was saying it all out loud, it sounded foreign to her. “When I’m out there fighting, I feel like I’m in control of myself. I’m in control of something for once.” She closed her hand, shaping it into a fist. “I can shape the outcome. I take the blows but I can hit back as hard as I want. It’s rough but it’s fair. It’s… it’s not the same when I’m at home. I guess that’s why it comes to me so naturally. Can’t fight back at home so the moment I do get to fight back, I go all out.”

Osoro swallowed. She was waiting for something to happen. She could see it happening in her head.  She’d get yelled at. Or maybe Kunahito would suddenly stand up and smack her across the face. Or maybe she was going to get punched. All because she had admitted she was weak. She deserved it, she thought. She deserved whatever was about to happen. That rational part of her brain wasn’t thinking straight, but it was being consumed by that familiar panic again. 

Ms. Kunahito looked at her for a moment. There was a nervous energy to the girl, high strung and jumpy like she was anticipating something. She was trying to play it off, but Ms. Kunahito could see it clearly. The body language gave it away. Her arms were folded but a little too tightly, fingers gripping herself, jaw clenching, eyes shifting back and forth. 

The counselor wanted to just hug her and tell her she was safe here, but she knew better. If she could just show her that she was only there to help her. “You know this, but I’d like to say it again. You can trust me, Osoro. I understand it doesn’t come naturally to you, but more people care about you than you think. If you… if you ever need a safe space away from home, or ever just need to talk, you can always come to me, you know? Or if you ever need somewhere to stay for a little bit, I can always do something for you.”

Why is everyone giving me lectures about the same shit today? Osoro stared at her. Man. She’d never spoken so much to Kunahito like that. And Kunahito looked real happy about it too. She’d probably been waiting for her to open up for so long. It hadn’t been easy and she still felt like she was about to throw up, but it was something, wasn’t it? 

“I know that. It’s just.” Osoro inhaled deeply. “It’s hard. It’s so hard. I never really, well, I kinda grew up… doing the opposite. Talking, I mean.” The words were coming out so inherently but she kept pushing them out of her mouth. “I never grew up ‘talking’ to anyone… any adults. A lot of the time talking about stuff like this with my dad just ended up in a black eye or something, y’know. It’s weird to me that I’m not even getting cussed out right now.”

“Osoro, you’ve told me you don’t want me to call the authorities. I haven’t done so because I respect you. I get why you feel that way. But you need to know this is not okay. Don’t think I don’t know you lie to me about where those bruises are coming from sometimes. I can’t make you admit anything, and I know it’s not like you’re going to tell the truth to the authorities either. But remember what I said about the time bomb? The longer you hold it off, the more dangerous it becomes,” Kunahito said sternly. “There’s going to come a point where some of us who care about you can’t standby and let you explode.”

Fuck , was all Osoro could manage to think of. The blonde was quiet, eyes shifting away to the side. She wanted to say something, but she couldn’t respond. She knew how dumb and irrational she sounded when she had told Kunahito not to get CPS involved. But this was beyond rationality. This was about emotion and feeling, something Osoro had never been good at. She loved her father and that made no sense when she thought about it. She didn’t want him to be arrested.

“Listen.” Kunahito pushed up her glasses. The air had gone heavy and tense, and she figured it was about time to wrap it up. “I’m happy that you’re willing to share this with me. I know it’s not easy to tell people what you’re thinking. Not many people are strong enough to acknowledge their issues, because once you say them outloud, you acknowledge they exist. True strength is vulnerability.”

“...You’re so fucking cheesy, man,” Osoro muttered softly.

“Watch your language,” Kunahito said light heartedly. “You can leave now.”

The blonde stood up from her chair and walked to the door. Before she left, she turned around again to look at her counselor. 

“Um… Thanks,” she said quietly. 

The door closed and the room fell silent again.

Ms. Kunahito sat back in her chair and a smile grew on her face. All these attempts had finally started to pay off. That was the first time Osoro had been willing to open up about what was going on with her. It was extremely concerning to listen to, but now Ms. Kunahito could piece together everything and figure out the next steps. But what changed? She hadn’t really been doing anything drastically different from the previous times, so how come Osoro was suddenly willing to share such intimate things? 

Her eyes drifted to the name scribbled on the sticky note in front of her. Megami Saikou…

She sat up in her chair as she repeated the name in her head again. Yes, Megami Saikou - Perhaps that was the key to this puzzle. She was the princess of the Saikou family, she had power and intelligence, anything she wanted to happen, it would certainly happen. On top of that, she seemed to, for some unknown reason, care about Osoro. Of course. Why hadn’t she thought of it before? The answer had been right in front of her. Maybe they could work together to figure something out.

-------------

Osoro left the building with a slight headache and sweaty palms. She needed water or something, anything to get rid of that shaky feeling. She needed to go to the incinerator. It was her safe place, far away from everyone and the classrooms. She could exist in her own little world, even if it was for just a brief moment. No one liked being there because of the rancid smell of smoke and burning trash constantly filling the air. It didn’t matter, really, as long as she could be alone.

Umeji was there, hands shoved in his pockets. He’d been waiting patiently for a while and was staring in the distance. Osoro had told him and the rest of the boys to go to class earlier, but he’d gotten bored of listening to the teachers talk. He wanted to be with the person he looked up to.

Hokuto had laughed when he said he was ditching class so he could be with Osoro.

“You like her, eh Umeji?” Hokuto grinned.

“Ay shut up man! ” Umeji yelled, his cheeks growing warm. “It’s not like that! ”

“I’m just messin’ with you, dude.” Hokuto slapped him on the back playfully. “Nothin’ wrong with liking her. It’s just you always go off to see her so much. ”

“It’s more than that, man. It’s like…  Shit dude, I just think about what type of person I would be if she never showed up.” Umeji looked at the floor. “I think I’d be dead by now. I owe it all to her. We all owe it to her. She’s everything to me.”

Osoro nodded at him and stood at his side. “Hey.”

“Yo. How’d it go with Kunahito?”

“Alright.” Osoro clenched her backpack. “Talked about stuff.”

“She’s not gonna expel you or anything right?”

“She wouldn’t. Kunahito probably cares about me more than my own father.”

“I’ve had enough of her crap,” Umeji growled. “I can’t count how many times she’s tried to talk to me.”

“She’s just tryna straighten us out or whatever.” Osoro sighed. “I mean, it’s her job and all that. She’d probably get fired if she didn’t at least try.”

He kicked a small rock near his foot. “Well, I ain’t forgiving her.”

Osoro shifted her weight. “Class is gonna end in like a few minutes so I don’t feel like going back, to be honest.”

“Are you going home then?”

“Nah. I’m probably going to hit the gym. Plus,” Osoro grinned jokingly. “I ain’t got no home.”

“Home is where your heart is, or however that saying goes,” Umeji responded with a grin of his own. “Wanna go get some food with the others?”

“Sure.”

They made their way across the campus to the front gate, and the bell rang. Students started trickling out of the classrooms, chatting about their day and ready to leave the school. Osoro stood near the gates with her backpack slung over her shoulder, watching along Umeji for her group to come out.

In the distance was a silver haired girl with a red armband, holding a stack of paper. They made eye contact for a moment and shared a knowing glance. Osoro looked away quickly, before she saw Megami wave at her. Part of her was a little upset that Megami had gone off and told Kunahito about the rumble, but she understood it had been out of good intention. She didn’t see Megami awkwardly putting her hand down and walking away quickly.

She could remember that particular day when she was getting suspended and Megami met her father for the first time. She’d forgotten why Megami had even been there in the first place. But she remembered how clearly the fear running through her body felt. When her father had said he was going to teach her a lesson, it took everything in her to not have a panic attack on the spot. The nausea, the heart palpitations, sweaty hands. She looked at Kunahito, silently begging her to not make her stay home, but the counselor had gone ahead and done it, albeit mournfully. That was the day a deep seed of rage against Kunahito had been planted. 

The ride back home had been dead silent. Osoro sat in the back seat, staring out the window and seriously debating if she should open the door and jump to escape. Her father, who probably was a little too intoxicated to be driving, refused to speak a word until he stopped at the driveway.

“Get your ass inside,” he had said, then she had known she was absolutely fucked .

No. Osoro shut her eyes. Don’t think about that. She was making herself feel anxious again. The rest of the events of that day were locked behind the depths of her repressed memories. She thought she had put up a thick enough mental barrier so she would never have to remember these types of things, but lately the thoughts had started leaking through more frequently and she’d find herself staring blankly at things and dissociating, replaying those memories and making herself feel sick.

She opened her eyes. She was still in school right now, not at home. She was safe. Hokuto had arrived and was chatting with Umeji. Jesus. Maybe she really should talk with Ms. Kunahito more. I’m a licensed school psychologist too , she’d said a while ago. Psychologists dealt with this kind of crap right? And maybe having Megami as a… friend wouldn’t be so bad after all. A friend. 

Osoro inhaled deeply and shook her head lightly, trying to clear her mind. Don’t think about it. Shove it down. Deal with it later. Bottle it up and let it age like fine wine, until you can't hold it in anymore and explode. Exactly what Kunahito had warned her against. The chatter of the other students around her came back into reality and she let out a deep breath. 

Her fingers twitched.

I need a cigarette.

Chapter Text

It was a warm day. Springtime in Japan had fluctuating weather, sometimes raining, sometimes windy, sometimes hot enough to make someone sweat. It was Megami’s favorite time of the year.  She loved to see the wonderful array of colors of nature waking up and coming back to life from the cold dead of the winter. Perhaps it was the unpredictability of it all that she loved - One moment you were reaching for your umbrella to stay dry, the next moment you wanted to take off your jacket because the sun had revealed itself in all its brightness and was warming the day up again.

Spring was also a busy time for Megami and the rest of the student council. They were constantly swarmed with paperwork and plans for the upcoming events in school, always in meetings with each other and sending emails to teachers, coordinating with their fellow students. And on top of that, they had their normal student activities to do, like homework and tests on the daily. Each of them were doing their best to keep their head afloat above their duties. In these few months, they were pushed to their limits and their work was the only thing on their minds. Except for Megami, who had her thoughts placed elsewhere.

Megami was walking out of a student council meeting with Aoi Ryugoku at her side. 

They were close friends and had known each other since they were small children. If there was one person Megami could certainly call a friend, it would be Aoi. Whenever they were with each other, the air always felt less tense and they could let down their guards for the moment. They weren’t student council members, they weren’t the President and her scary guard dog. No need for formal speech and fancy etiquette and manners. They were just friends who could laugh and joke with each other, something Megami had desired since she was young.

“-Which is why I always say you couldn’t pay me to talk to Ms. Hanabusa again,” Aoi said. There was a minute of silence as Aoi awaited for a response from Megami. The blue haired girl stood there staring at her friend, hands still tucked into her pockets. “Hey.”

“Hm?” Megami let out absentmindedly while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“You got something on your mind?”

Megami threw her an amused smile. “What makes you say that?”

“The fact that you haven’t been listening to anything I’ve been saying the past few minutes.” Aoi tilted her head curiously. “And you’ve been a lot more quiet than usual. Plus,” she grunted, “I’m your best friend, aren’t I? I just know. Call it a sixth sense or whatever.”

“I’m just.” The President crossed her arms. “There’s just a lot of stuff going on, y’know? The council is already swamped with enough work as it is, Ms. Rikitake just told us there was another test next week, and…” She let out a sigh. “You know how my grandfather’s sick. He’s been retired for a while, but there’s a lot of work my father has to do, which means he wants to promote me soon so I can step up to my duties.” She placed two fingers to her temples. “It’s been hard balancing everything mentally.”

“Promotion, huh? That’s great. You deserve it.”

“I don’t know.” The President closed her eyes. “It’s a lot. And it’s just that… What if I can’t?” Megami said in a small voice. “I already have so much stuff to do. What if I’m not capable enough?”

“Megami, you push yourself harder than anyone I know. If anyone can do it, it’s you,” Aoi said. She wasn’t a very emotional person. She never really wore her heart on her sleeve, but Megami could tell she was being sincere.

“I’m nervous, I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. I’ve never had so much responsibility on my shoulders before.” Megami let out an anxious breath. “That’s what’s been on my mind, really.”

Aoi fell into quietness again for a moment, eyes returning to the path in front of them. “Are you sure that’s all?”

“Yes.” She could feel Aoi’s questioning silence. A lot of people thought Aoi’s quiet and imposing presence was terrifying, but Megami had grown familiar with it from the years they’d been together. “I swear that’s it.”

“Alright, let me take a guess then.” Aoi turned to Megami and straightened her posture. “It’s Osoro Shidesu, isn’t it.”

Megami let out a scoff, at first indignant then more of a surprise. “What- How’d you-?”

“You know why I’m good at fights?” Aoi asked. “Because I can read body language well. She’s what’s on your mind, right?” The blue-haired girl scrunched her eyebrows as Megami was trying to figure out how to respond. “I knew that damn delinquent was up to no good-”

“It’s not like that, I promise,” Megami said, quick to defend Osoro. “I’ve been talking to her more lately, and I learned a lot about her and I’m just. I’m worried for her, Aoi. The things she says sometimes, and, and the way she acts. It’s concerning behavior, especially with the reasons why she’s acting like that.” She opened her mouth, then stopped herself. “I’m sorry, this probably doesn’t make any sense without context.”

“...I can take a guess on what’s going on with her.” It didn’t take that much from Aoi to figure things out. She was an experienced enough fighter to understand what injuries and bruises looked like from a fight, and what they looked like when they weren’t. “Look, Megami. If she’s giving you stress you don’t need, you don’t have to put up with her. It’s not like you’ve agreed to share her burdens.”

“But I do share her burdens. I share everyone’s burdens. That’s my role as President. The students at Akademi High are my people, and I must take care of them.”

“She’s not your responsibility. It’s not your job to hang out with her. I know the teacher has you pair up with her and all that but. She’s a delinquent, Megami. And you’re more than that.”

“Osoro’s not even really a delinquent, besides the fact she gets into fights outside of school. I know she’s a little blunt and intimidating sometimes, but it’s not like she’s actually disrespectful to her teachers or she causes trouble for her classmates.” Megami folded her arms awkwardly, becoming aware that she was defending the blonde again. “I would go as far as to say she’s even better than a lot of other students. From what I’ve observed, she gets her homework done and her grades are pretty decent. She’s actually rather quiet and keeps to herself, compared to those boys that follow her around.”

Aoi raised an eyebrow at first, a little surprised listening to Megami talk so highly about Osoro.

“I don’t like her,” Aoi grunted when Megami had finished. “I don’t trust her.”

“Why?”

“She reminds me of myself."

-----—-

A few days had passed again before Megami came out of another meeting for some fresh air. She had decided a small stroll around campus would help her loosen up and clear her mind. She admired the cherry blossoms that had started blooming again, soft pastels that were easy on her eyes instead of the endless paragraphs of words. She’d made her way to a small hill on campus where the biggest cherry blossom tree was, but to her surprise, she found a familiar blonde on the grass.

The girl was laying on the grass, cigarette placed lazily between her lips, bandaged hands pinching a cherry blossom petal to the sky. When she heard footsteps approaching, her eyes quickly darted to find who the intruder was, body tensing up. Usually she could tell by the sound of the footsteps, but the grass dampened the noise and it was hard to figure out who it was. A teacher, Ms. Kunahito, a council member - especially fuckin’ Aoi Ryugoku , or it could’ve been a rival gang member who snuck into campus, or even one of the boys.

Then she saw it was Megami and she let out a sigh and held out her palm like it was routine. “Alright, spare me the lecture and just give me the behavior slip.”

“Mm…” Megami hummed. “There’s only one class left and it’s just PE so I’ll let you off. Just put out the cigarette.”

Osoro stared at her for a little bit quietly, then smashed the cigarette out on the grass. “Color me surprised.”

There was a small pause and the two were there in silence. What was there to say? Not too long ago, they’d been engaged in an intimate and intense conversation, and now they had been brought together again by coincidence. Except the dynamic had changed. They were more than acquaintances at this point, but after that last conversation… Was friends even the right word?

Osoro was the one to break the silence. “Well? You wanna sit down or are you just gonna stand there?”

Megami looked around the campus, entertaining the offer. She had better things to do, truthfully, but it wasn’t often that Osoro actually wanted to talk with her. 

There wasn’t anyone around in sight. Students and teachers were in the middle of class, other staff members were probably in the building preoccupied with their own things. Would it be weird if someone caught those two sitting together? Could she try to save face by saying she was only there to bring her back to class? 

She looked at Osoro’s laidback eyes looking at the sky, how she was still reclined on the grassy hill like she’d been in the middle of dreaming. She chose to sit down next to Osoro.

“So, uh.” The blonde’s eyes drifted towards Megami. The Saikou Princess was sitting near her with almost perfect posture, silver hair swaying in the wind. “What brings you out here, Ms. President?”

She smiled resignedly at the nickname and brushed off some grass from her skirt. “Well, I just came out of a long council meeting. Teachers excuse us from class every time we have a meeting, so we don’t have to go back to class. Call it student council privilege I suppose. On the other hand,” Megami pointed at her, “You don’t have an excuse to be out here.”

“Um.” Osoro blinked, trying to conjure up some sort of explanation. Truth was, she had been getting nicotine cravings again but that was a poor justification. “I dunno. Just didn’t really feel like running around the track, I guess. Like you said, it’s PE. Whatever.”

“And are your friends not with you?”

“They’re talking with Kunahito right now.”

“So let me get this straight.” Megami leaned above her, compelling Osoro to make eye contact with her. Her head blocked the sun, casting a shadow over the blonde. “You’re just sitting out here by yourself?” 

Osoro puffed out her cheeks a little. “Well… when you put it like that, it sounds kind of pitiful.”

Megami let out a smile. “You just looked a little lonely out here by yourself, that’s all I’m saying.” 

“I mean, I don’t mind being by myself for a little bit,” Osoro said, half smiling. “The weather’s good. Our campus is kind of nice in the spring, eh? The cherry blossoms are out this time of the year.”

“I’m quite the fan of cherry blossoms myself,” Megami agreed. She picked up one of the petals and admired its delicacy in the sunlight. “I must give my personal thanks to the school gardener soon.”

The two found the conversation had come to a natural pause and they looked at each other, both expecting each other to pick up the topic. Who was going to address the elephant in the room?

“Um. Sorry for yelling at you last week.” Osoro brushed her bang out of her face. She had never been good at apologies. They didn’t come to her very easily because she had never heard much growing up, especially from those who should have been saying sorry to her. It took quite a bit of effort to form in her mouth, but she knew apologies were important for not looking like an ass. So she said it in the best way she could, hoping that Megami could sense that she was trying her hardest. “Things got pretty heated and it was pretty shitty of me to do that.”

“No, don’t apologize,” Megami shook her head. She was quietly thankful that Osoro was the one who brought it up, because she wasn’t sure she would have ever done it herself. “I shouldn’t have grabbed your wrist like that. It was uncalled for.”

“Nah… I think I needed it. Sometimes I get so caught up with myself and I do this thing where I end up isolating myself from people even though they’re being nice to me. Honest to God, I don’t even realize it. And then I end up pushing away people and hurting them even more…” She trailed off wistfully.

“Still, I would like to formally apologize. I know it made you uncomfortable. It was unacceptable of me to cross your boundaries without your permission.”

“Seriously, it’s okay,” Osoro murmured. “I told you to fuck off, I should be the one saying sorry. You know I don’t mean to be an asshole, man.” She rubbed her face with her hands, eyebrows scrunching. “It scares me sometimes when I realize I sound like my dad. I’m trying really hard not to…” A defeated sigh left her. “Then shit like that happens and I feel like absolute crap.”

Megami lifted a hand to touch her lightly. It was a habit of hers, to provide a delicate hand to those she comforted, and she knew it was not a good habit to have around Osoro, who was so nervous about being touched. The President put down her hand and searched for ways to continue the conversation. She wanted to know more, more about Osoro and her thoughts and what was going on in the blonde’s mind all the time. It made her feel intrusive and nosy but deep in her heart, she wanted to know, she needed to know. The insatiable hunger to understand and the simultaneous fear of not understanding ate at her and she was willing to push the boundaries.

“Do you… you know,” Megami swallowed. “Do you resent him? Your father?”

“Resent?” Osoro folded her arms behind her head. “I don’t know. I mean, he’s my dad, you know? He raised me all on his own. I bet I’m not the easiest to handle,” she said. “An unruly teenage punk who gets into too much trouble for her own good. But once I graduate,” she continued, eyes wandering to Megami. “I’m out, man. I can’t deal with it anymore.” she said quietly. “It hurts a little bit too much sometimes. I think he loves me… I just wish he’d love me a little more gently,” she nervously scratched her cheek where the cross shaped scar was.

“I admire you, Osoro. Do you know that?” Megami fidgeted with a blade of grass on the ground. “I think you’re stronger than I could ever be.”

“There ain’t anything to admire about me.” Osoro folded her arms over her stomach. “At the end of the day, I’m just a nobody.”

“Don’t say that!” Megami gasped outrageously. “You know that’s not true.”

Osoro burst out laughing and it was a real genuine type of laugh that made Megami feel her cheeks warming up. The delinquent had her arm draped over her eyes, trying to stifle her chuckles. 

“I-I’m serious!” The silver haired girl sputtered out. “It’s absolutely preposterous to even suggest-”

“Look, look, look.” Osoro let out a sigh, catching her breath. She sat up from the grass, turning to Megami. “I mean this in the most respectful manner, but you’re a Saikou. That makes all the difference between you and me.” She looked at the grass, her fingers spread out between the blades. “You were born into something that extends beyond the both of us. No matter what you do when you grow up, people want you around. I guarantee you, you’ll never fail to find a job, you’ll never be rejected by people, you’ll never have to worry about how you’re gonna make it to the next day.”

Then Osoro made eye contact with Megami. Those light warm eyes meeting her pale cold ones, pouring out a longing yearning. “You’re just… different Megami. Different . Everything is planned out for you. You won’t have to worry about finding a purpose. Part of me envies you.”

“They don’t want me. They want my name,” Megami said with a slight grimace.

“That’s what I mean. You were born, destined, to be something great, to do something amazing with your life. But I’m not like that. I have nothing to my name, eh? We were dealt with different cards in life. We learned how to play them differently. ”

“You’re not a nobody, Osoro. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a famous name or you’re not from a high class family like me or whatever. It’s a blessing, in some ways I don’t know if I could fully explain.”

“Let’s face it, man. If I become some manager, or scratch that, a CEO or some high ranking position, who gives a shit?” Osoro said with a bitter smile. “People might look at me for a few seconds and go ‘cool’ before moving on with their lives. Not you though. I bet everyone’s had their eyes on you since you were a kid. You were probably celebrated in everything you did. It’ll never be like that for me.” She grabbed a fistful of petals. “And maybe I’m okay with that. That’s just how it is in the world, y’know? No one really cares about the average guy.”

It hurt listening to Osoro. To hear the blunt pessimism and bleakness, to hear that the blonde really believed in her words like it was a universal truth that dictated life. Megami glanced at Osoro, who was playing around with the cherry blossoms, rearranging them in little patterns and stacking them. 

There was a truth in Osoro’s words, one that Megami couldn’t deny. The corporate world was cut throat - After all, she was the one who had been born standing on the top. From her position, she saw the things people would do just to advance a little further in their careers.

“Do you know what you would like to do in the future?” Megami asked.

“I dunno,” Osoro admitted plainly. “I try not to think about it too much, really. I already have too much to worry about tomorrow. I get through life one day at a time and honestly? Sometimes that’s already really hard for me. But I guess… I’ll finish up high school, go to university and get out of this little town. I’ll find a job, one I won’t hate hopefully, and I’ll do something with my life for once.”

“Would you work in a company?” Megami asked. I could get you a job, she thought, Under my recommendation, I could get you a job and you would never have to worry again. All it would take is one word.

“Nah, fuck that,” Osoro said and Megami felt her heart drop just a little. “I think I’d rather die before becoming a coroporate slave. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s having to suck up to someone only to get cucked by some middle aged man who has a higher paycheck than me.” The delinquent leaned back on her elbows. “It’s so meaningless.”

Megami raised her eyebrow. Though she understood her resentment, it was still Megami’s instinct to justify herself. There was a sort of pride that was still undeniably in her blood and she couldn’t bear for it to be wounded.  “What’s wrong with working for a corporation? It’s a stable job, steady income, enough to support yourself. You can find a job almost anywhere you want too.”

Osoro smirked. “You only say that because you’re gonna be the one managing the workers. You don’t have to do the grunt work.”

Megami winced when she heard those words.

“Can I tell you something?” Megami spoke slowly. If she wanted to know more about Osoro, she’d have to tell her more about herself. It was a necessary exchange of information - To gain something, you had to lose something, you had to be willing to sacrifice something. “This whole CEO training or however you refer to it. It’s not as great as it looks. I still have a lot to worry about. And I don’t…” Megami swallowed. She’d never said this to anyone, not even Aoi. Not even to herself. She’d always tried to deny the growing thought in the back of her head but here it was, sitting at the tip of her mouth. “I don’t even know if I really even want to be the CEO.”

Osoro glanced at Megami quietly, then looked away like she was politely waiting for her to continue. Her silence invited more.

“My whole life I was molded to be one thing. I’ve never been allowed to do anything else except training for the sake of the Saikou Corp. Every breath I take. Every move I make. It’s all for Saikou Corp. None of it is for myself. And part of me wonders… What if I’d been allowed to explore some other passions? Would I have found another calling?” Megami asked. “Maybe I would have found out that I’m a great writer. Maybe I would have found out that I’m pretty good at drawing. Maybe in the future, I’d become musician. There’s so many possibilities I will never be able to explore.”

All of a sudden Megami could not stop. It came forward like an uncontrollable surge, a culmination of something that had been pent up for years. 

“It’s exactly like what you said,” Megami said. Her hands clenched nervously at her side. “People look at me and see that I’m a Saikou and nothing else. My aunt left the family because of the same reason. She left because she realized she didn’t want to do this anymore. She’s my family’s biggest shame and secret and as far as we know, she’s as good as dead. To my family, I’m the one who’s supposed to make up for her mistakes. I represent my family’s pride and honor. If I make a mistake, if I choose a different path to take then… I’ll be crucified.

Her heart was racing and she wanted to throw up from the adrenaline. It felt like she had said something that wasn’t meant for anyone to hear, something that was cursed and should have never been brought into reality and should have just stayed as a little thought in her mind.

Osoro stared at her, waiting until she finished. 

“Do you want to take a walk?”

----—-

So the two strolled around the campus, circling around the buildings and the grass. Osoro asked her on a walk because she could see how flustered Megami was getting, and the blonde thought that taking a walk might help. It was her way of dealing with bad thoughts - A stroll in the night with a cigarette between her lips, music playing from her phone. It wasn’t Megami’s preferred method of relaxing; she didn’t really have one because she never actually had time to relax, but she took Osoro’s offer as a gesture of good faith.

It was a weird sight, and both of them knew that it would look unusual to anyone who might see them. When someone pictured Osoro and Megami together, it would usually be Megami giving Osoro a big lecture, the blonde rolling her eyes as far back into her head as she could in annoyance, then Megami dragging Osoro to the counselor’s office. But here they were, walking around like they were good friends, chatting about things that only close and old friendships could chat about.

Then they stopped in front of the incinerator and Osoro stood there, staring at the dim flame inside it. Megami had never liked this area of the school because the smell of trash was so overbearing at times it made her head hurt.

“I like hanging around here so much because no one else likes to. It’s always been my spot since I came to this school.” Osoro fidgeted with a pack of cigarettes in the pocket of her black jacket. “Only the janitors come around here to dump trash but everyone else avoids it like the plague.”

“I’m getting the impression you like being by yourself,” Megami commented.

“You probably don’t, right?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Being alone is something you gotta get used to anyways. I mean, when you go off into the world, you’re gonna be by yourself so there ain’t much of a difference.”

“Don’t you worry about being by yourself in the future? No friends? No family?”

“I’ve always been alone.” She coughed a little bit, feeling that familiar craving. Out of habit, she pulled out a cigarette from the pack in her pocket. Megami gave her a disapproving look as Osoro lit it up. “Sorry. I know you ain’t a fan of cigarettes. I must seem like a dumbass to you for smoking all the time.”

“No,” Megami responded sternly. “I know you’re incredibly smart when you put yourself to it. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. You’re the only one who can beat me at shogi. I don’t like seeing those cigarettes in your hands because I know you’re better than that. The teachers aren’t lying when they say you have potential.

“Yeah, well, they say I’m wasting it too.” She put the stick in her mouth and pulled a lighter from her pocket.

“They just want the best for you.”

“I think they’re right, honestly.” She let out a breath of smoke. “I’m fucking up my body with all of these.” Osoro took out the cigarette from her mouth and watched Megami stare at it. “My head’s so fucked up these days. Can’t stop thinking about shit I don’t want to think about. It just makes me more stressed and before I know it I’m lighting up one of these cancer sticks again. They’re not even hard to get, to be honest. My dad always has a pack laying around somewhere.” 

Her father. Somehow the conversation always returned back to that man. Every time Megami heard him come up, she felt upset. And it wasn’t a simple sort of anger, it was a desperate and helpless anger that Megami hated because she was powerless. She hated being powerless. How could she be Megami Saikou, Student Council President, the pride of the Saikou family, the future of Saikou Corp and not be able to do something so minuscule like helping out a friend?

“I was too young and naive watching my old man smoke and it was normal to me,” Osoro said. “Whenever someone got stressed, they’d light one up. That’s how I thought it worked. Little did I know a few years later, nothing’s really changed.” Her eye twitched and her hand moved up to put the cigarette back in her mouth. Her hand slightly trembled, maybe it was out of anger, maybe it was out of anxiety, maybe both. “I’m still dealing with the same problems. Still having fuckin’ flashbacks. Still getting hurt all the time.”

“Osoro.” Megami reached her gloved hands out slowly, making sure that Osoro could see her movements clearly. She took Osoro’s hands in her own, and the blonde’s fingers twitched a bit, a small suppressed flinch that didn’t go unnoticed. The President took the cigarette out of her palm and lightly threw it in the incinerator. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anymore.”

Osoro didn’t like being grabbed. But the way Megami did it was so gentle, with no sense of malice or aggression. It astounded her a little that the President was ballsy enough to take away the cigarette and throw it away right in front of her face. In a way, it was some sort of move of dominance. Megami knew she was the only person who could do that. By doing so, she exercised her authority and showed that the Delinquent Leader still had to submit to the control of the President. Yes, this was the way to reform Osoro, Megami concluded. There would never be enough punishments or discipline in the world that would have been the same.

“I know it hurts for you to talk about it. So,” Megami let go of Osoro’s hands. “Let’s just talk about something else.”

The delinquent let out a tense breath. She wanted to smoke and she felt like she was going to be sick if she didn’t, but Megami wasn’t going to let her. “Alright. Whatever man,” she coughed out the remnants of smoke awkwardly. “Let’s talk about something else. How about you, huh? You know all this shit about me that no one else does and I never hear you talk about yourself.”

Megami swallowed. She wasn’t expecting the conversation to turn back on her. No one else really asked her about these sorts of things, except maybe Aoi. But with Aoi it was different. Aoi believed in her and all her capabilities as a person. Megami couldn’t admit she was tired of it all with her. 

“What do you want to know about?” Megami said.

“I dunno. Like. Your childhood or something? I bet we’ve got very different experiences.”

“My upbringing was… not easy,” Megami said hesitantly. She adjusted her gloves, a habit she did when she was uncomfortable. “There were happy times, there were good times, but there were a lot of…” She couldn’t think of a word to finish the sentence off.  “There were quite a few times in my childhood where my father made it clear to me that if I wasn’t good enough at something, there would be punishment.”

“Punishment, eh?” Osoro repeated. She was familiar with punishment, especially parental punishment. Although punishment usually had reasons. Her father did not. 

“Yes. It was never physical of course, mainly verbal. The most physical, I suppose, would be like being locked in a room for a while and being forbidden to go outside, or not getting dinner.” Megami shifted her weight awkwardly. “But it was pretty much lots of yelling and threats of being disowned or that they were going to make me change my last name so I wouldn’t be a Saikou anymore.”

Osoro narrowed her eyes. “What the fuck?” She realized she had said that a little too loud. “Sorry, but. That ain’t something an adult should be telling a kid.”

“I look back at it and yes, perhaps it was a bit harsh to hear as a child,” Megami admitted.

“Christ. No wonder you’re so…” Osoro trailed off. Stuck-up? No, that wasn’t the right word. A try hard? That didn’t give off the right tone. 

“So what?”

“Like. Ugh, I can’t put it into words. The way you act sometimes, man. It’s like you can’t see how smart you are. And like, you act as if everything’s gotta be perfect.” Osoro clenched her fists. “Shit, this is probably the worst explanation possible. I hope you get what I mean.”

Megami found herself unsure on how to respond because Osoro had called her out on a very personal level that no one else had. So she continued walking, away from the incinerator and Osoro followed along.

“It is simply my reality,” Megami said in a thin voice. “If I don’t succeed, then I’ll be disowned and forgotten. No one will want to have me around. My future, everything I worked so hard for will crumble and tear down.”

“The fuck?” Osoro spat out in disbelief. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Dude, if you think you’re screwed, what about people like me?”

“I know it’s logically irrational and the chances of it happening are practically impossible, but it bothers me.” Megami bit her lip. “How do you… I know you must hear those sorts of remarks often. You always act so nonchalant even when someone is mocking you in front of your face. How do you not care?”

“I guess you just get used to it after a while. You get numb and at one point it stops hurting. I won’t lie, if you’re not careful, you start believing that shit after a while.” Osoro ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. “Look. I ain’t tough because I want to be. I had to be tough cause the world was harsh and if I wasn’t tough I’d be broken. It was like… a natural consequence.” Osoro looked at Megami with such self-pity it made her upset. “I mean look at me. I was born blonde. It’s like the universe slapped the yankii label on me and left me to crawl around the streets like a sewer rat.”

Megami hated how Osoro talked down on herself so much. If you’re not careful, you start believing that shit after a while. She probably didn’t even realize when she said it but Osoro was probably self-admitting in a way. 

The bell rang. Why did the bell always ring when they were in the middle of something? 

“We’re both shouldering shit we never asked for, huh?” Osoro murmured. “Guess we aren’t so different after all.”

“No one’s really as different as they think they are.”

“Here’s to dysfunctional families.” Osoro cupped her hand like she was holding an imaginary glass of wine and tapped it in the air, pretending she was making a toast. She grinned and Megami could only smile back. 

And the two headed back to the front of the school, both feeling a little different from when they first started the conversation. Yes, something was different. What it was, both of them had no idea, but they could feel it. You could see it in the way they walked together - side by side instead of the usual one person leading the other.

Megami noticed Osoro fidgeting with a bandage on her hand and she leaned over, inspecting it. “Did you hurt yourself again?”

“I don’t know what to tell you that wouldn’t make you blow a fuse.”

The President reached into her uniform’s pocket and pulled out a small box of bandaids. Osoro gave a questioning look and she shrugged. “I always carry a mini first aid kit with me in case of emergencies.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Osoro said as she took the small band aid from her hand. 

“I wish you would take better care of yourself,” Megami said as she saw the small scar. It was a dull red line, a cut from a knife from a while ago. “That could easily constitute a visit to the hospital.”

“I hate going to the hospital.”

“Then can you promise me you won’t get into any more fights?”

Osoro stared at her half amusedly. Her ribs still had a dull ache that once in a while hurt like hell when she coughed hard. She wasn’t going to make any promises, and both knew that. “I’m not going to for a while. I don’t think my body can handle taking anymore hits.”

As they kept walking, a teacher came out of the corner at the same time and the two parties nearly crashed into each other. The two teenagers stood there awkwardly as the teacher adjusted her glasses. It was Ms. Fukahori, of class 2-1, and she had almost dropped the stack of papers she was carrying to the printing room.

“Ah, pardon me.” She gave a quick and polite bow to Megami. It never hurt minding her manners, especially to the daughter of the Saikou family. Then she saw Osoro avoiding eye contact with her and she raised an eyebrow. “Miss Saikou, is everything alright?”

“Oh. Um.” Megami searched for the most believable explanation that wouldn’t raise suspicion.

Osoro sighed and shoved her hands in her pockets. “Yeah, she’s just talkin’ to me about stuff.”

Ms. Fukahori pushed up her glasses in disapproval. “Skipping class again, Osoro?”

“Maybe.”

“I just talked to her about it, Ms. Fukahori.” Megami smiled politely. “I think Osoro’s had her fair share of lectures today.”

“Thank you Miss Saikou,” the teacher nodded at her. She turned to the delinquent. “You’re lucky you have such an upstanding President to look after you, Osoro. You should learn from her.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Osoro said flatly. 

The teacher smiled at Megami as a thanks and gave a small wave goodbye, before taking her leave.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Osoro muttered. She rubbed the back of her neck. “Thanks. Just spared me a long ass scolding from Fukahori.”

“Do those happen a lot?”

“She always manages to find me outside of class. I don’t know her schedule so I can’t avoid her.” She smiled slightly at Megami. It was a small and gentle grin. “But I think I’d rather be caught by you from now on.”

“You know, I’m not always going to let you off like today.” Megami folded her arms. “You really shouldn’t be skipping so much.”

“Fine.” Osoro rolled her eyes. “I'll go to more classes. Just for you, happy?”

“Don’t forget we’re in the same classroom,” she jabbed a finger at her, “any moment I’m not in a meeting and you’re not in class, I will personally find you and drag you back, understand?”

“Fuckin’ make me,” the blonde laughed harshly.

“Your friends are waiting for you. You should go.”

Osoro turned around and she saw a group of blondes chatting with each other. Umeji spotted her in the distance and waved at her. 

“See ya later, princess,” the blonde grinned playfully.

Osoro gave a small salute and walked off into the distance to meet her friends, and Megami stood there, watching her from a distance with a heavy beating heart. 

Chapter Text

The day began for Osoro like this.

She had accidentally thrown away a bottle of beer her father had been meaning to drink, and when she realized, it was too late. He found her nervously pacing around in the bathroom downstairs and the shouting started. Useless piece of shit . Good for nothing. Waste of space. Can’t even do one fucking thing right. Osoro wanted to say she had grown used to it after all these years, but when she found herself thinking about those harsh insults when no one was around, it was clear that she hadn’t gotten over it. It was like those words had found their way inside her and engraved themselves into her heart, and no matter how much she ignored it, it would always be there. 

Osoro made her first mistake when she yelled back. How the hell was I supposed to know? Who the fuck drinks in the morning?

Then it got physical. Repeated blows, punching, strangling, deep bruises sprouting and blood. Burning. She could fight back, certainly. She’d been through fights where she was facing more and the stakes were higher. But fighting her father was impossible. It wasn’t the fact that her father was way taller and bigger than her. It was more like she mentally couldn’t. He had power over her. Paternal power, Osoro thought. He was her father, and she was his daughter. He had natural authority. It was the same way a dog would never turn back on its owner, even if it was abandoned or hurt. Plus, fighting back was asking for a death sentence. She had already seen how his anger manifested, she did not want to see it multiplied.

In reality, Osoro was failing to see something that Ms. Kunahito and Megami and her friends and other people could see. The power dynamic wasn’t paternal like the blonde saw, it was abusive and it was toxic. And the longer Osoro pushed it down, the more she was going to spiral out of control. A ticking time bomb, like Ms. Kunahito described.

When the opportunity presented itself, Osoro stumbled out of the house and into the pouring spring rain. She had no umbrella with her, nothing to protect her from the heavy rainfall. Her blonde hair was absolutely drenched, her black coat and her clothes soaked and sticking to her body.

As she stood in front of her house, staring at the front door, she felt sick. Sick with bitterness and sadness and disappointment and anger and all of it swirled inside of her like an angry hurricane, wanting to destroy everything in her path.

“Fuck you!” Osoro yelled as hard as she could. Her voice was barely louder than the rain. Her head was throbbing from the pain and the rage and she tasted blood in her mouth. “Fuck you, old man!”

There was no response from the house. 

She clenched her fists tightly, standing there. She didn’t know why she wanted to hear a response. She wanted her father to say something, to say anything , to acknowledge her existence. Being left with nothing but silence was like a knife twisting in her heart.

Before she knew it, she was storming off to the only place she knew she wouldn’t be bothered. School. She had come to find it was, somehow, her safe place. She could be away from home. Schools were considered part of gang territories so unless you were trying to start something, they were off limits to gang members. People there didn’t really bother her because they were scared. Student council members and teachers were the exceptions, but they wouldn’t do that much outside of lecturing.

As Osoro walked there, the emptiness of the streets became apparent. She was glad because she didn’t need anyone seeing her like this, but she was disappointed because part of her did want someone to notice her. Someone to ask if she was okay. Someone to hold an umbrella over her head. Someone to hold her hand and bandage her up. But of course there would be no one around in public, who the hell is gonna be outside when it’s pouring?

Then she arrived at the front of the campus. The lights were on in the building and that meant people were inside, so she limped her way to the grassy hill instead. At least the great sakura tree sitting on top of the hill gave Osoro a bit of cover from the rain. 

Everything hurt so badly. Her body, her face, her head, her mind. It ached and she wanted it to stop aching. She looked up at the dark storm clouds, as if to plead with the universe to make it stop, and the raindrops brushed against her face. Some of those raindrops were hot. No. Not raindrops. These were tears. 

She wasn’t the greatest with her emotions. There were too many feelings inside her at once, and all she knew was that she wanted to punch something. She hit the tree in front of her as hard as she could. Pain shot up her hand but she couldn’t stop. Osoro had a weird relationship with pain. It felt good sometimes, but it wasn’t supposed to feel good. Perhaps part of her sought out pain. Hurting physically was better than hurting mentally. She punched the tree again and again until she felt her knuckles start bleeding, and small chunks of the tree trunk started falling off.

“Fuck!” She swung her right arm at the tree. “Fuck him!” Her left hand crashed into the tree. “Fuck everything!” 

Blood pounded in her ears, and her hands shook. Whether it was from the anger or the fact that she had torn a considerable sized hole into a tree, she couldn’t stand it anymore. She closed her eyes, bending over to catch her breath. Everything was so loud. Her father’s curses ringing in her head. The rain mixing with her tears and splattering onto the ground. The nausea that wouldn’t stop. Her heartbeat that was going faster than a speeding bullet. 

Shutupshutupshutupshutup I can’t fucking think why can’t I breathe God I feel like throwing up stop crying you’re so fucking weak don’t cry you pussy he was right you’re a useless piece of shit I think I’m about to die fuck fuck fuck

Her trembling hands reached into her pocket, desperately grabbing for her cigarette pack and lighter. She brought the lighter to the cigarette she planted between her lips, but the rain quickly extinguished it. The lighter flicked several times, but it was immediately doused by the rain. Out of frustration, she threw the cigarette on the ground and watched it crumple under the downpour. 

What now? Usually when she felt things like this happening, she lit up a cigarette to suppress her thoughts. But now not even the stupid cancer sticks could help her. It felt like there was a snake constricting around her throat. She sat down on the grass to catch her breath. The ground was wet, but her clothes were also wet and she couldn’t feel much of a difference. She brought her legs to her chest and buried her face in her knees.

“Fuck,” was all that left her lips. She hit her head against her knees, trying to bring herself back into reality. If she didn’t do anything soon, she felt like she was going to have a heart attack. She racked her brain desperately for anything.

Ms. Kunahito once told her about these breathing exercises she should try when she needed to calm down. Osoro never really thought too much about them, and they had never really come across her mind until this moment. It was worth a shot, all things considered. Anything that could make it stop.

She closed her eyes and laid on her back, hands over her face. She inhaled deeply and as slowly as she could, then pushed out the breath at the same speed. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Time passed when she was in this meditative state. She wasn’t sure how long it was, but her breathing calmed down eventually. The tears had stopped. The rain hadn’t stopped, but it had lessened into more of a drizzle and had washed away some of the blood on her, and it had cooled down the burns on her arm. That episode of panic she just had had drained her of all her energy. She didn’t want to walk home. She didn’t even want to open her eyes. So she laid there, listening to the light rainfall surrounding her, letting the gentle noises fill her brain until there was nothing left.

--------------

The day began for Megami like this. 

While she was eating breakfast, she overheard her father discussing something about her grandfather on the phone. It didn’t sound good by any means. He was probably talking with a doctor. Something to do with transferring hospitals. She thought about what her butler was talking about a while ago. I don’t think it’ll be long before he kicks the bucket , he had said. 

And she wasn’t exactly worried about his death. It was the idea of what came afterwards. If her grandfather died, that meant her father was going to promote her. She would become his right hand man, and by then her fate would be sealed. Time was running out for her to make a decision. 

Megami had run through the scenarios in her head multiple times when she was trying to fall asleep, exploring the outcomes and all the possible reactions, from the most absurd to something that could happen tomorrow.

She imagined herself marching up to her father in the most confident manner and declaring that she was quitting, before taking a cab to an airport and flying away to some unknown destination, far away from Japan where no one could find her. No amount of begging would bring her back. A bit too aggressive and out of character for her.

She imagined herself faking her own death. A staged kidnapping. A faked murder. A tragedy that would leave the entire nation in shock. Then when everyone was still confused, she would change her identity somehow and live as a new woman, making her own decisions and living the life she wanted. An extremely drastic way to go, but Megami entertained the thought.

She imagined packing her bags and leaving through the backdoor in the middle of the night. Perhaps she would leave a tear stained note on her bed, explaining how greatly she had struggled internally with this decision and how sorry she was. She would have purchased an apartment overseas with the money she had been saving from her handsome allowance. Her father would send out people all over the world, private investigators and detectives to track her down. She would be like a thief in the night, evading each of their moves, playing mental games of chess and outsmarting them. How whimsical and outlandish. 

She imagined finding her long lost aunt and explaining her situation in tears, and she imagined her aunt would nod sympathetically and hug her. That was honestly all she wanted. An honest hug that went beyond words of understanding. For someone to look at her and understand the pain and the torment and the struggle. And Megami would imagine living with her aunt, living a simple but honest life overseas where the name of Saikou wouldn’t reach her.

No more cold gazes and scolding from Father, no more torturous annoyance from Kencho who held no respect for her, no more people trying to suck up to her at every move. Then maybe once in a while, she’d send a private letter to her mother to let her know she was still alive and okay. 

Her mother… How many hearts would she break if she left? How many tears would be shed? How many whispered prayers would go unanswered for her return? There were people counting on her too. Her butler. Her tutor. Her classmates were all rooting for her success.

When Megami brought herself to the present again, she was still sitting at her dining table, staring at her empty breakfast plate. She still had the entire day in front of her. It wasn’t a school day, but of course, that didn’t mean anything to Megami. School was a twenty four hour job for her, and that meant coming to school on the weekends.

Today, she was organizing some forms for club proposals and reports, and going over some financial analysis for an upcoming trip they were planning for the class. As she looked through the paperwork, she glanced outside the window and saw the rain. Spring showers brought a fresh smell to the air and kept the grass green, but she’d hate to get caught in one without a sturdy umbrella.

While she was stepping out of the meeting room to use the bathroom, she bumped into Ms. Kunahito. They exchanged greetings and pleasantries, and Ms. Kunahito invited her for some tea in her office. Megami took her up on the offer - Hot tea was a good way of warming up the body on a cold day like this. 

“Is the tea alright, Megami?” Kunahito asked. The two were sitting across from each other in her office. 

“It’s perfect, Ms. Kunahito,” Megami responded politely with a nod. “It’s just the right temperature.”

“I’m glad you think so. Make yourself comfortable and feel free to pour yourself some more.” The counselor gestured at the teapot. “I have something I want to discuss with you.”

“Oh.” Megami’s eyebrow raised in interest. She wasn’t expecting that. Did she forget to turn in something? No. She never forgot. But they never really spoke with each other unless it was something important. It must have been some other matter. “Of course, Ms. Kunahito. What is it?”

“It regards a classmate of yours I think we’re both familiar with,” the counselor said. “In normal circumstances, I would never be discussing this with a student. It violates confidentiality, which is against one of the greatest ethics for psychologists. But there are exceptions to these rules, when it’s to protect the person in question. So,” she took a sip of her tea, “be honest with me.”

The President swallowed lightly and straightened herself. She’d never seen Ms. Kunahito in such a serious tone outside of disciplinary actions. “I will,” Megami promised. “Who is it?”

“Megami. Are you friends with Osoro?”

Oh. This was taking a much different turn than she thought. “Yes, I would say so.”

“What do you know about her?”

“Like her personality?” She felt like she already knew where this conversation was going.

“Anything you know about her.” This was Ms. Kunahito’s chance to hear what someone close to Osoro had to say, so she started her voice recorder instead of her notepad. She didn't want to miss any details. She needed a full image of Osoro, starting from scratch and without her own bias. The other delinquents would refuse to talk, so they weren’t an option. There were her teachers, but they didn’t know her personally. Every other student only knew she was scary and avoided her. Megami seemed like the most viable option. 

“Um.” Megami clasped her hands. There was a lot to say. Should she get straight to the personal information? Or maybe it would be better to work up to it? “Well. She’s considered a bit like the resident delinquent of Akademi High, I suppose. She has a reputation for being quite intimidating, but I think once you get to know her, she’s not as scary as you might think. Perhaps I say that because I’m not one to be intimidated easily. And the president of the school shouldn’t be scared of her own classmates.”

“You've been in the same class as her for two years now, right? Do you remember how she acted as a first year?”

“In our first year, she was… not that much different from now, at least from the way I saw it back then. She didn’t have any friends. From the way she acted, I don’t think she wanted any. During class, you would usually see her brooding in her chair, quiet as ever.” Megami took a sip of her tea, collecting her thoughts. “People called her a delinquent from the beginning. Just her attitude was enough for it to be obvious. She had little respect for the rules. She slouched in her chair, she spoke informally to her teachers and seniors, she would often arrive to class late or not even show up. Not to mention her smoking habit. She would do small things just to spite me and Aoi since we were the student council members of the class." She drummed her fingers on the arm of her chair, trying to think of anything else. "It was mainly these smaller infractions, but she wasn’t going out of her way to break them on purpose. It was and is definitely more of a ‘ I don’t care ’ attitude.”

“And were you friends with her then?”

“No. But it was natural that she wouldn’t like me, since I would always be the one calling her out on her misconduct. I did try before. I was trying to get to know everyone, so I tried making small talk with her before. She just kind of... shrugged me off and showed no interest. Our interactions otherwise mainly consisted of me lecturing her on the rules of our school. Oh,” Megami added, “I should mention I'm always partnered with her to be her tutor.”

“How is being her tutor like? Was she as irritable with you privately?”

“It takes patience, I won’t lie,” Megami chuckled. “She gets frustrated easily with herself but never at me… though she’s actually really intelligent when she puts herself to it,” she remarked. “Ms. Rikitake put us together because she wanted to make sure Osoro could keep up with the work, since, you know, she has problems with reading. It wasn’t really because she was actually falling behind in class. And of course, Ms. Rikitake thought Osoro could bear to learn to be more like me.”

Kunahito nodded. “Do you recall if she displayed any violent behavior back then?”

“Not in class. She could be disrespectful sometimes, but she was never violent. Outside of school was a different story, as you’ve probably seen,” Megami acknowledged. “The only time I saw her actually fight was when that gang showed up to our school and challenged her.”

“Oh of course, I remember that,” Ms. Kunahito commented. “That was quite a day. I can’t believe that girl made it out without breaking anything, and I can’t believe I even had to drag her to the nurse’s office to make sure she was okay.” She chuckled in disbelief. “Like trying to bathe a cat in water.”

“Yes, everyone was shocked something like that would happen at Akademi High. I believe that was when everyone started avoiding her more than they already did. Rumors started spreading around that time too. I think I even heard someone say she was in the Yakuza?” Megami questioned. “But besides that, she’d never really fight people in school. Otherwise she’d come in with bruises and bandaids from her fights…” Megami shifted in her chair awkwardly. “Or at least that’s where I thought they were coming from.”

“I see.” Ms. Kunahito sighed and put down her cup of tea. They were approaching the subject quickly, and Megami could feel her heart quickening. “Do you remember if she’s always had those bruises or markings? ”

 “From what I remember, Osoro’s always had her arms wrapped up. There were bruises, cuts, and burns that peeked out of those bandages and her jacket. Sometimes they were from fights. Other times, they didn’t look much like they were from fights,” she said. Her hands clasped together as she tried to stop fidgeting. “They got worse and worse. Or maybe they were always there and Osoro stopped trying so hard to cover them up.”

Ms. Kunahito looked at her, considering her nervousness. “Megami, the conversation we are about to have can be uncomfortable to talk about. I know you are a mature enough person to handle this, but don’t feel obliged to keep talking if it gets too much for you.”

“Ms. Kunahito, I…” Megami put her hand on her chest. “I want to help Osoro. I would do anything if it meant I could help her.”

The counselor let out a smile when she heard her eagerness. “You have a good heart, Megami. It moves me, truly.” She reached for her cup and poured more tea into both their cups. “Then I suppose I’ll be direct. Do you know anything about her family life?”

It was happening. Megami swallowed the saliva in her mouth. She was about to say things she once thought she would never say to anyone else. “I know she has a father who is a single parent. I assume her mother is not around anymore. I don’t know for certain if she has siblings, but I would assume not.”

“And do you know what goes on at her home?” Kunahito asked. Her voice had dropped into a low serious manner.

Here it is, Megami. Don’t mess it up. Just be truthful and honest. Ms. Kunahito already knows. This isn’t anything new to her. She’s just here to confirm what she knows.

“She has admitted to me that she gets… abused. Well, she didn’t say abuse, but it’s clear, isn’t it?” Megami quickly glanced at Ms. Kunahito, who was staring intensely. “I confronted her about her injuries out of concern when I found out they didn’t come from a fight. I got her to admit they came from her father.”

“So you knew already?”

“I had my suspicions. I remembered when I met her father in that meeting with you.” Her fists clenched. “Then everything I knew about her made sense. I can’t believe I didn’t notice earlier. It’s just… the way she talks about her father is what confuses me. She still loves him. I don’t get it - How can she love him?”

Ms. Kunahito’s smile dissipated into a sad frown. “It’s a psychological issue. It’s unfortunately not uncommon with victims of abuse. I even had to write papers on this because I specialized in developmental psychology. Think of it like this.” She picked up the cup of tea again and took a sip to clear her throat. “Everyone wants to love and be loved. We’re born that way as humans. Our parents are the first ones we’re exposed to for that love, and we’re dependent on them for a majority of our youth. It’s only natural we are attached to them. You teenagers are still kids, no matter how much you don’t think so. You still need to depend on your parents, emotionally and physically, because your brains aren’t developed enough. But dependency isn’t the same thing as love, and oftentimes in these cases, you’re already too damaged to tell the difference.”

Megami stared at the floor. It sounded oddly familiar to her. What did parental love even mean?

“You are aware of the situation she is in,” Ms. Kunahito said. “I’ve tried talking to her about it before, but she hasn’t really opened up to me until recently. It breaks my heart, honestly,” her voice grew quiet, “hearing the sorts of things she says about herself.”

The counselor could recall this one time the first time Osoro had first talked about her father. 

“ I deserve it,” she had said when Ms. Kunahito asked. “ He does it because I’m a piece of shit and I fucking deserve it.”

And then Ms. Kunahito’s heart shattered into a million pieces. “ No!”  She cried out. “ Don’t ever think that about yourself!”

“I think we can both agree that she needs help. She needs therapy or something of the sorts, not discipline,” Kunahito said. “From what I observe, you’re the only person who can truly get to her.”

“I’m the only person?” Megami asked incredulously. “I’m sure she listens to the others in her friend group much more than me.”

“From the talks I’ve had with them, it’s clear they look up to her in an unhealthy way. They fail to see that Osoro needs even more help than they do. They’d only feed into her behavior.” Ms. Kunahito folded her arms. “But Osoro listens to you more than me, to be honest. And the fact that she’s shared those things about herself means she really trusts you. It took me months and months, practically an entire year, just to get her to open up. But she told you straight off the bat without you having to prod too much. It’s in her nature to clash with and distrust authority figures. But not with her fellow classmates. You’re a mix of both, which is why she can trust you and you can still have control over her.”

“I… suppose so,” Megami acknowledged. Now that she thought about it, Ms. Kunahito was right. She wondered how many people had Osoro trusted in the past. The delinquent didn’t like trusting people, that much was obvious. Even more so for Ms. Kunahito. “It took me a while too before she stopped acting cold to me. But Ms. Kunahito, where are we going with this? What can we do?”

“I intend on taking authoritative action soon. Osoro’s told me a lot that she doesn’t want her father to get in trouble, but she’s only saying that because she can’t see what’s happening. The longer this goes on without proper intervention, the more it’ll hurt her and I can’t let that keep going on.” Ms. Kunahito adjusted her glasses. “I have no choice but to go against her wishes. It’s not like I can walk into her house and pull her out of there myself. You kids have to be protected and it’s my job to do so.”

“What do you need me to do to help you?” Megami asked. “If it’s in my power, I will have it done.”

“If I want to make a report to Child Protective Services, I need accurate and thorough information. I… want you to keep in contact with her during school and outside of school. I understand you’re terribly busy with work, so just whenever you can.”

“You want me to follow her around school?”

“Whatever works for you. If she gets hurt again or she tells you anything else, report to me.”

“…Will she get taken away by the authorities when the time comes?” Megami asked quietly. Please say she won’t leave.

“Depends. The authorities will evaluate the situation. If they think she needs to be removed from the house during the investigation, then they will do so. I’ve offered to be her guardian because she has no relatives nearby. But they don’t always do that. They might get the parent to go to rehab instead. We’ll see.”

“I see. That’s… that makes sense, yes.” The President swallowed. “Is there anything else, Ms. Kunahito?”

“That’s it for now.” Ms. Kunahito stood up and opened her office door. “Now, I don’t want to take up anymore of your time. I’m sure you have other duties to attend to.”

“Thank you for trusting me with this, Ms. Kunahito.” Megami followed her lead and began walking out the office. “You can count on me.”

“I’m sorry that I’m giving you another burden to shoulder,” Ms. Kunahito murmured.

Glancing back, Megami put on her most charismatic and professional smile. “This isn’t a burden. This is my duty as the President. And my duty as her friend.”

-----------

When Megami stepped out, she was greeted with gloomy skies and a slight drizzle. It wasn’t that bad. She popped open her umbrella and made her way across the campus. She thought about what Ms. Kunahito asked of her and her heart fluttered with strange anxiousness. The chance to finally do something had presented itself, and she worried she would somehow screw it up. Then she thought about her father speaking with the doctors and more anxiousness came. Things were changing fast for her.

Right when she was about to call her butler to pick her up, she spotted a mess of blonde hair laying underneath the cherry tree in the distance. The girl was soaked from the rain, with only the tree to cover her. Megami’s heart immediately dropped. 

“Osoro!” She cried out. Oh God why is she laying down please be okay oh god what happened?

Megami ran as fast as her legs could carry her and quickly bent down, praying that Osoro hadn’t been hurt, but she knew better from the sight of her face. The delinquent had her eyes closed, almost like she was sleeping. She was very bruised and battered, red and dark purple splotches covering her face and her neck, raw knuckles bleeding. And she was absolutely soaked. 

She clenched her umbrella, making sure Osoro was covered. Should she call for help? Who had done this? A gang fight? No… she knew who had done it. Osoro had promised she wasn’t going to get into anymore fights, and Osoro was a person of her word.

“Osoro.” She nudged the blonde and Osoro’s eyes fluttered open. They were red and puffy. Had she been crying? “What are you doing out here? You’ll catch a cold in this weather.”

Those golden lights in her eyes looked so dim, like a fire that’d been smothered out. “I pissed off my old man so I don’t really feel like going home right now.”

“You’re soaked.” Megami tried helping her up by lifting her arm gently, and Osoro let out a pained grunt. “Sorry,” Megami quickly apologized and let go. “Do you want to go inside?”

“No,” Osoro muttered. “I mean I gotta get up at some point… I just don’t feel like doing it now.”

“Have you been out here by yourself the entire day?” Megami offered her the umbrella, but Osoro didn’t move at all. There was silence and Megami let out a small sigh. “What happened, Osoro?”

The delinquent narrowed her eyes. “What do ya think?” 

“...Are you okay?”

“I’m so fuckin’ miserable, man,” Osoro said in her low and cracked voice, and her eyebrows scrunched up. “My dad was right. I’m just a miserable piece of shit teenage dirtbag that can’t do anything right-”

“Hey hey hey,” Megami spoke softly, almost in a hushed whisper. Her throat tightened at the mention of Osoro’s father. It had happened again, and Megami hadn’t done anything to stop it. It wasn’t like she could have, but she felt like she had failed again. “Stop that. Don’t say those things about yourself.” Megami gently touched Osoro’s hands, and she could feel how roughed up they were, even through her gloves. Her eyes drifted to the small red circles on her forearm. There were new burns. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired. I’m pretty tired,” Osoro said. She felt quite wiped out, honestly. She wanted to fall asleep and forget how to be alive.

Megami decided to sit down, even though the grass was wet and she would get her uniform dirty. “You’ve always had pretty dark eye circles,” she commented.

“I don’t get a lot of sleep.”

“Why not? Sleep is vital to physical and mental health.”

Osoro stared blankly at the clouds. The rain was starting to let up. “‘Cuz there’s a lot a shit in my life… Sometimes I’m doing homework late at night. Sometimes I’m hanging out with my friends. Sometimes I get bad dreams and I can’t fall asleep again.”

“Bad dreams?”

“Bad dreams… bad memories. All the shit I try not to think about, but it still finds ways to bother me though nightmares. Not even just through dreams. Through my thoughts when I’m awake too.” Osoro shut her eyes hard. “I don’t want to remember those things. I try so hard not to, but I can’t stop them. And then I light one of ‘em fuckin’ cigarettes so I don’t have to think about them… but if I don’t I feel like I’m drowning.”

“Osoro…” Megami murmured.

Osoro swallowed painfully. “Everything hurts… And I’m fucking sick of being hurt all the time. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t bruised.” Before Megami could open her mouth, she cut her off, “And don’t fuckin’ ask if I want to see Ms. Kunahito right now. She’d flip out if she saw me. I think she would march to my house and personally cuss out my dad the moment she got.”

I would too. The President reached into her pocket and took out a small band aid. “This is all I have right now.” She placed it carefully on her knuckles. “Your hand’s all messed up.”

“I know,” Osoro murmured, “I know, I should be taking care of myself more.” Her mind started drifting. “I shouldn’t be getting into those fights. I know I shouldn’t be smoking, I know I shouldn’t be hurting myself like this. But… It's normal to me. It feels like I’ve been doing it since forever and it’s just something that's always been a part of me.”

“It’s not too late to stop. Even if you've been doing it since you were little. Life is about second chances,” Megami said in the most comforting tone she could muster. She knew Osoro wasn’t talking about what just happened anymore.

“I… I’ve already hurt other people. I can't undo that. And I’ve already gotten other people involved in all this delinquent bullshit. Fuckin’ hell.” She sighed. “I didn’t mean for this to happen… I didn’t mean for five other people to follow me.”

“Your friends are capable of making their own choices,” Megami answered. “And they decided that they’d become delinquents. It’s not like you convinced them to join you.”

“Here’s the thing, Megami. No one really chooses to be a delinquent without a reason. No one wakes up one day and decides to become an outcast. Sometimes it’s because they’re forced into it - they have to be tough or else they’re gonna break. A lot of the time it’s because they’re mad. Mad at the world, mad at authority, angry about something in their lives. Maybe they’re mad at themselves. My friends didn’t decide to be delinquents, they were forced into it.”

“I know,” Megami said quietly. The delinquents were the sore spot of the school, but their existence was the fault of the staff. She regretted not stopping the bullying sooner. “But… they’ve been safer with you, I admit. Maybe this was for the best.”

Osoro let out another tired sigh. “I was born a struggler, you know that?” She glanced at Megami, tilting her head so their eyes would meet. “I struggled to get out the womb. I never had anything good in my life. No mom, no dad that was around to really care about me. No friends for most of my life until I came here either. I’m used to having to struggle and fight since I was little. But the boys aren’t like that. They didn’t start getting into this dangerous stuff until they met me.”

The blonde sat up. Her body ached, and she couldn’t help but wince. “When I was alone, I didn’t have to worry about getting hurt because I knew I could handle it. But I can’t say the same with the boys. I don’t know if they can handle all the stuff they gotta go through if they wanna stick around with me. They’re willing to, but that doesn’t mean they can .”

Megami stared at Osoro, who was struggling to sit up right. She could see the fresh and harsh bruises on her neck that were peeking out from her jacket collar. Who knew what else was hiding underneath her coat?

Osoro continued, “They look up to me like I’m their mentor, their leader, their boss. But how can I be one?” she said, fists clenching, pain shooting up her arm. “I’m a fuck up. I’m a bad person. A nobody. I’m not someone that should be looked up to.”

“I don’t think you’re a bad person,” Megami said.

Osoro looked at Megami, a flicker of emotion passing through her eyes. Was it amusement? Megami couldn’t tell. 

“…You think I’m a good person?” The delinquent asked with a raised eyebrow, entertained.

“You are a good person Osoro. Because you care about your friends. You care about protecting others, about the right and wrong when it comes to it,” Megami answered. “And that’s already more than so many people I’ve met. The world I live in, people are ruthless to each other. They call you a yankii ,” Megami said, “but you’re unironically one of the most pure hearted person I’ve met.”

“Sometimes I just worry…” Osoro rubbed the back of her neck. She’d been laying down for a long time and now her muscles felt stiff. Each movement of her head was accompanied by a painful throb. “I worry that I’ve dragged them down into something that’s gonna get them hurt even more in the long run. They hurt themselves for the sake of me like dumbasses, even when I tell them not to.” 

Megami placed a supporting hand on her shoulder, helping her sit up. It was a split decision that she normally would have had to think twice about. But Osoro didn’t tell her to ‘fuck off’ or flinch, so she took that as a good sign.

“They ain’t bad people, though, that’s the thing.” Osoro coughed and her ribs twinged with pain. Staying out in the cold rain was starting to show its effects on her. “They were fragile and close to shattering into pieces until I showed up, then they started sharpening themselves into knives and they’ve never looked back since. But being a knife ain’t good sometimes…” She rubbed her eyes, trying to dry them off from the rain. They felt heavy from the angry tears that had fallen. “You end up hurting anyone who tries to get close to you whether you mean to or not.” She stared at her scraped up hands. They’d always been so banged up. “This path they’re walking on doesn’t lead anywhere. Umeji’s gonna graduate this year and he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life.”

She sat there for a moment, feeling Megami’s warm hand resting on her cold and wet body. The President hadn’t said anything in the past minute she was talking, and it came to Osoro that Megami probably barely understood her. “Ugh, sorry. I dunno if you get what I’m trying to say.”

“I think I get it.”

“Like… basically, I can fuck up my life because I’m the only one who has to face the repercussion. Or at least that’s how it used to be. I only had to look out for myself. But now there’s people who look up to me. If I fuck up, they’re gonna fuck up too. And I don’t want that for them. They’re like brothers to me. But I don’t know how to not be a fuck up.”

“You’re not a… ‘ fuck up’ , Osoro-” Megami heard the blonde stifle a chuckle, and she pursed her lips. “...What?”

“Sorry, I’ve just never heard you say fuck before,” Osoro smiled. “It’s sorta funny.”

“Pardon my language, then,” Megami deadpanned. She moved closer until the two were face to face. “Are you sure you don’t want to see Ms. Kunahito?”

“Tch!” Osoro clicked her tongue. “Man, you ain’t getting it. Kunahito’s just gonna make me talk about shit I don’t want to talk about.” She puffed out her cheeks. “Though I guess she’s always tryna do that.” 

“ Please , Osoro. If you don’t want to go to her, let me at least find a medical kit for you from school.” Megami’s hand went from Osoro’s shoulder to her forearm. “These burns could get infected.” She stared at Osoro’s face, eyes lingering on the cross-shaped scar, and her gut twisted.

“Ya think I don’t know that?”

“And…” The President’s heart was beating so fast. Her gloved hand reached towards her face, and Osoro’s eye twitched when her palm gently made contact with her cheek. Megami held Osoro's face in her hand and observed the harsh markings that would no doubt turn into ugly bruises later. “Look at you. You’re so beat up. He gave you another black eye. He’s leaving you with more scars each time, and he’s not going to stop until something changes.”

Osoro’s eyes darted away, avoiding her stare. Her face was burning, whether or not it was from injury or from being flustered, she couldn’t tell.

“He doesn’t love you like you think he does, Osoro. There is no fear in love. I wish you could see that,” Megami murmured sadly. She put her hand down.

The blonde knew that Megami was right, but she didn’t want to accept it. She still wanted to cling on to those good memories of her father when she was a kid. The one who bought home takeout from her favorite restaurant. The one who let her stay up watching movies with him at night. The one who tried his best to help her with homework. Not the one who was constantly passed out on the couch or his bed, littered with beer bottles and cans and filled ashtrays. 

“Are you going to tell Kunahito?” The delinquent mumbled.

“I won’t,” Megami lied. She wanted to promise that she wouldn’t. But she had to, for her own good. She couldn’t let this go by any longer. 

The rain had completely stopped by now, and a little bit of sunlight peeked through the dark clouds.

“Where are you going to go now?” Megami asked. She closed her umbrella and shook it lightly to dry it. “Inside? We can get a towel to dry off and I can treat your wounds myself.”

“I can do that on my own.” Megami opened her mouth to object, but Osoro continued, “Plus, what if a teacher sees me? And ain’t Kunahito still in there too? I don’t feel like dealin’ with that.”

“But… where will you go then? Don’t tell me you’re going back home.”

Osoro got on her feet slowly and rubbed her nose. “It’s fine. He’s probably passed out or something.” She stretched her arms and rocked her head side to side, trying to get rid of the stiffness. Everything still hurt. “Or if he’s still up, I’ll bounce to Gaku’s house. He’s close enough.” 

The President stared the blonde in disbelief. How could she stand up and shrug off something like this so quickly? How could she act like this was just another day for her? “I’d offer you a place at my house but-”

“It’s fine. Your dad would probably have me arrested and say I was trespassing. Or something like that.” She smirked. Her sharp and playful eyes looked like they’d been lit up again. “Plus, I’m a bad influence. A goody two shoes President shouldn’t be hanging out with a delinquent like me.”

“I mean, what if… what if I snuck you in or something?” Megami suggested on a whim. 

“Such a rebel, aren’t you?” Osoro sighed out with a grin. “It’s okay, man. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble for me.”

“I’d do it though,” Megami said. “If you wanted me to, I would do it for you. I gave you my number a while ago, right? If you need something, just call me or text me and it’ll be done. I would do anything for you. You have my word.”

Osoro broke out into hysterics when she heard her. “ You have my word, ” she mocked in the most pretentious voice she could put on. Laughing made her entire body ache so badly but she couldn’t help it. “That’s such a Megami thing to say.”

“I-I’m serious!” Megami exclaimed, cheeks flushing. 

“Alright, alright.” Osoro wiped a happy tear away and caught her breath. “Whatever you say, man.”

“I’m serious,” Megami repeated with as much sincerity as she could. She leaned towards Osoro with all honesty and genuineness. “That’s the biggest promise I can make to you. You know why?” 

Osoro’s laugh turned into a fading grin when Megami’s face came close to hers.

“Saikous never fail,” Megami said in such a low voice it was almost like a whisper.

The two held each other’s gaze for a moment before Osoro broke it. The blonde turned around and the sleeves and tails of her black coat swayed in the gentle spring wind. 

“I’m holding you to your word, Ms. President,” Osoro said with a small smile. She had respect for people who kept their promises.

So the two split paths, with Osoro trudging back home with Megami’s umbrella, and Megami staying behind to wait for her butler. The delinquent pulled out the shogi piece that was always in her pocket, and she stared at it. Both of them considered how strange it was that they kept meeting each other in these conditions. They were quietly thankful, that in the storms of their life, they had someone there for them for what was about to unfold.

Chapter Text

As Megami sat in her limousine, being driven home from school after her conversation with Osoro, she began to feel unwell. Maybe she stayed in the rain for too long. Maybe it was that cold her tutor had been talking about that had been going around. Or maybe it was the spring allergies. It sat uncomfortably in her like a rock that had lodged itself inside her. 

When she got home, she went straight to her room to change her clothing, avoiding contact with her family. She didn’t need them questioning why her clothes were wet, or where her umbrella went. 

Megami sat at the edge of her bed for a little bit, staring at the wall. A lot had just happened and she needed time to process everything, but her head felt cloudy as if a fog machine had started rolling in and wrapping her thoughts up in shrouds of murkiness. 

Her nose started running a little bit, prompting her to reach for some tissues. It had been quite cold and she did stay outside for a while with Osoro without her coat on. Was she getting sick?

She hadn’t been sick in years. The last time she had any sort of sickness was when she was eight years old, and her mother immediately brought her to the best doctor in the country, even though all she had was a little headache and runny nose. The doctor said she had a small cold and told her to drink more water and all would pass in a day or two.

Her perfect health was a matter of good genetics, her mother told her. No one in their family had any predisposition towards sickness, no family history of cancers or terminal illnesses. Saikous were made to be perfect, after all. 

Megami wondered if Osoro had gotten home already. If she was safe and dry, and warming up from laying in the cold rain for so long. Maybe she should have tried harder to convince Osoro to come with her, to come to her house for the night and stay for a little bit, just to make sure she was safe and her injuries were tended to. But Osoro was right. Megami’s father would never allow someone like Osoro within a few feet of their house.

And then there was that thing Ms. Kunahito asked her about. She needed to make a report to the counselor about what had just happened. 

Sorry, Osoro, Megami thought to herself. This is for your own good.

So Megami opened her laptop to begin drafting a report to Ms. Kunahito. She typed out the first few sentences, and she sneezed. That made her pause a bit, out of surprise. Perhaps she should ask for one of their maids to brew her a cup of green tea. After she was done with this email, she decided. 

Staring at the laptop screen, combined with her growing headache and the comfortable warmness of her room, her eyes started closing and before she knew it, her head was on her pillow.

She didn’t even remember falling asleep.

Megami didn’t dream a lot. Or when she did, she never really could remember what she had dreamt about. But tonight was different. Perhaps it was brought on by her slight fever or how stressed she’d been without realizing it, but this dream would never leave her memories for the rest of her life.

--------

A girl stands on a sidewalk in a neighborhood. She has silver eyes and a matching shade of silver hair, and she carries this air of eloquence, grace, maturity beyond her years. Everything about her says “I am better than you” even though she is barely nine years old. Her name is Megami, and she is a goddess. 

She sees another girl her age. The girl is nothing like her. Blonde, a golden eye color that isn’t seen very commonly, sharp eyes that stare ahead, and a slouch in her step. There is a small fading bruise on the side of her face. (A scar. Wasn’t there a scar?)

The girl has a troubled look on her face as she nears a house that Megami assumes is hers. 

She reaches for the doorknob then stops. The girl is scared. But she has nowhere else to turn to, so she stands outside for a little longer, trying to delay the inevitable, but she cannot keep doing that forever. She has no choice but to go in.

And Megami watches her like she is a spectator, hovering from a distance.

“Don’t go in,” Megami calls out. It is less of a warning and more of a command. She is used to people following her directions without hesitation; she is the daughter of one of the most important people in the country, so it is only natural she gets what she wants. So when the girl reaches for the doorknob, Megami tries to stop her again.

“Stop!” She calls out again, louder this time. But the girl does not hear her, her hands now on the doorknob, ready to twist.

And now Megami begins feeling a little sick with desperation. She yells for the girl to stop one more time, but it is only a dream and she is not in control. She clenches her fist hard, concentrating and putting in all her efforts, trying to summon an invisible force to block the girl, to will time to stop like she is God. 

Stop opening the door. Stop. Stop. Stop. Don’t go in. You’re going to get hurt.

Nothing happens. The blonde girl swallows nervously and twists the doorknob, ready to open the door and Megami is now using her entire being to stop her. Megami has always gotten what she wanted. Whatever she wanted to happen, it would happen because she is a Saikou. She is always in control. And now she isn’t and she feels sick. It would be easier to give up and let the girl go.

But she must, she has to be in control. She has to, absolutely has to and if she’s not then everything will fall apart and crumble. 

So she runs to the house, hoping to grab the girl’s hand and pull her away into safety. But instead a hand grabs her shoulder and stops her from going any further.

It’s her father. He shakes his head with a slight disapproving frown. Saikous must not do such things.

Megami watches the blonde girl disappear behind the door. 

Then she looks at this neighborhood she knows she doesn’t belong in. Life in this middle class neighborhood was something she had only seen on television. She only knows how it feels to be in the top 1%. No, not even the top 1%, she only knows how it feels like to be the best of the best. 

There are sounds of children playing in the streets and laughing. They look like they’re having so much fun, and her heart aches a little because every part of her wants to join them. But she cannot. She is a Saikou, and Saikous must not do such things.

The scene changes a little bit and she is no longer in that neighborhood, but now she is on a long road in rural Japan that stretches infinitely into the horizon. Her father is there with her, and she is holding his hand. 

There is a fork in the road, and instinctively, she knows she must choose a side to walk on. 

The right side is well paved and smooth, like any normal sidewalk one could find on the street. Clean and tidy, well lit by street lamps. 

The left path is a rough and unpaved dirt road, wild shrubbery and weeds and grasses growing on the sides and untread. 

Her father, still holding her hand, tugs her to the right side. He is a man of high class and honor, always wearing expensive suits and leather shoes, hair slicked back professionally, and a calculating coldness in his eyes. It is only right for him - a man of his stature walks on neatly paved roads, of course.

Then he begins to talk.

“The Saikou name comes with responsibility, Megami,” he says, and Megami already knows what he’s going to say next. She has heard this speech countless times, she knows it by heart. The story of her grandfather fighting in World War II, how he was the most zealous and patriotic soldier of his entire squadron, how he was inspired and invented the majority of the technology you could see in Japan.

Megami looks at the other path curiously, half listening to her father’s lecture. She is bored to be honest, but she nods along to his words to show she is a good daughter.

There is a woman on the other side staring at them. She too, has pale eyes and long silver hair, and a face that Megami could mistake for her own from a distance. She looks like a Saikou, but the young Megami has never seen her before. 

The woman waves at her with a smile, to her surprise.

As Megami is about to wave back, her father yanks her hand again.

“Don’t look at her,” he warns.

She obeys and her father continues talking about their family history and deeds, but now Megami has stopped listening at all. There is a seed of curiosity planted in her. She feels a force drawing her to the woman, but she is still with her father, and that means she must ask for permission.

“Father,” she asks. “Can we go on the other path?”

“Why would you want to do that? Is this not good enough for you?”

“Of course it is, Father. I’m curious, that is all.”

“No. You must stay on this path. You are a Saikou. That is all you need to know.”

“But why must I not go there?”

“Because you will stray from this path.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

Her father’s eyebrows furrow angrily. “What is wrong with that? What is wrong with that? You speak of utter foolishness. I had thought of you as better than to ask these insolent questions.”

Megami pouts and looks at her feet. She didn’t mean to make him upset. It was just a question. She is still a child, after all, and children are always filled with questions.

He sighs and says, “Megami. The moment you go on that path, I will no longer hold your hand, and I will no longer be with you. You will have to walk on that path by yourself, without me or your mother, or any help. It is a hard and bitter road to walk. There is nothing to be gained from it.”

Oh, but there is , a voice speaks into her head. A female voice. It’s that woman on the other road. You won’t have to hold his hand anymore. You won’t need his permission to do what you want. You will have true control.

Control. Yes, that was what Megami really desired. Control over her life. Why was she even holding his hand in the first place? She knew how to walk by herself, didn’t she? What was she scared of?

Megami glances at her father, who in this period of time, has not even looked at her once. He is only concerned with talking about Saikou this and Saikou that. Everytime he speaks with Megami, it is a conversation about school or her future, never about how her day has been, it’s never been about her.

It is her father she’s scared of, the girl concludes. She is scared of him and his cold eyes that always seem to stare at her last name and her birthright rather than who she really is. She is scared of not being able to live up to his standards. She’s scared of going to the other side and not being able to turn back. She’s scared of no longer having him because disobeying him means she cannot be a Saikou anymore, and that’s all she has ever known.

So she decides she will keep walking on the right path, just for a little longer, even though she can feel the woman calling for her. Megami, the voice beckons her name, look at me.

“Father, who is that woman?” Megami asks while sneaking the smallest glance at the woman.

“No one to concern yourself with,” he says coolly.

“Is she part of our family?”

His lip twitches ever so slightly, a rare display of emotion. “No. She is no one.”

But Megami is too smart for her own good, and from the way her father speaks of the woman, she knows that he is lying. “She looks like me. She must be a Saikou.”

“Enough!” Her father snaps, and Megami flinches. “I have nothing to say about her. We will speak of this no further.”

The girl knows that she has pushed too far. She gives one last look at the woman and the woman smiles at her. Her voice echoes in Megami’s head like a wind passing through.

Come after me. And I will show you this path.

And then the scene changes once again, and suddenly the girl is not on a road anymore. She looks to her father but he is gone. She is no longer a child, but older.

She is seventeen now, and she can stand on and walk on her own. She stands in what looks like an office, and it appears she is in a waiting room of sorts, but she does not recognize any of it. It is a dimly lit room, small and silent, except for the bubbling fish tank in the corner. 

To the right, there is a hallway that leads to a room at the end, illuminating in the darkness. So she follows her instincts and enters.

It is a tiny room, even tinier than that waiting room, with only a plastic table and two chairs, and a dim yellow light that hangs from the ceiling. It reminds Megami of an interrogation room. She takes her place at the table, and a woman appears in front of her like she has been waiting for her arrival. It is the woman from that path, but Megami cannot put her finger on where she has seen her. Memories in dreams always seem to work differently.

Up close, the resemblance between the two is uncanny. They could easily be mistaken for sisters, but there are small differences that prevent them from being called twins, like the way the woman’s soft smile curves into her lips, or the way Megami’s nose is a little smaller like her father’s. 

“Who are you?” Megami asks.

“And who do we have here?” The woman merely questions back. Her voice is soft and sweet like honey, smooth as polished glass and pleasing to the ear.

“I’m sorry,” the girl finds herself apologizing. “I can’t remember you… but I feel like I know who you are.” 

“The girl is confused.” The woman smiles as if she’s about to laugh. Megami feels oddly comforted, though she is puzzled. Her smile feels so familiar. It feels like she’s with family.

Megami cannot help but smile back. “Is something funny?”

“Do you know who you are?”

“...Yes?” An odd question. A trick question maybe, so the girl plays it safe. “I’m Megami Saikou.”

The woman gestures for her to continue, and Megami realizes she’s never had to really introduce herself to others before. Once people heard “Saikou”, they didn’t need her to keep talking.

“My father is Ichiro Saikou, and my grandfather is Saisho Saikou,” Megami states, and the woman’s eyes seem to darken at the mention of their names. “I am seventeen years old and in my second year of high school. I am the Student President of Akademi High, and I am the inheritor and future CEO of Saikou Corp, the largest company in Japan.”

“But who are you? Who are you besides all of that?”

Megami opens her mouth but she finds she cannot come up with anything. She thinks of any part of her personality that does not involve school or Saikou Corp and nothing comes to mind. Who is she, if not those things? There are other parts of herself that she might mention. She has many likes, but none that she can name in particular. She has many dislikes but none of them stand out. Her hobbies all relate to school or work. Her goals all relate to school or work. 

Her true dreams and desires, she dares not name and keeps a secret to even herself.

“Oh, you don’t know who you are?” The woman muses. “Maybe we should leave it that way?”

“But this is who I am, is it not? Who else would I be?”

“Do you really want me to tell you?” She sighs and drums the table like she is unimpressed. “Knowing oneself means acknowledging one’s actions. And you know yourself, the weight of your actions will bring forth large consequences.”

“How can you even tell me if we have never known each other before?” Megami asks a little bit more hotly, upset at her own lack of understanding. She does not get what is going on, and it is bothering her. She must have met the woman before, somewhere, in a distant past or memory that is too blurry to see. “You claim to know me, yet I have never told you a single thing about me.”

“Of course I know you. Everyone knows you. Perfect, infallible, flawless, the goddess Megami Saikou.” She glances at Megami, her eyes dancing with the color of the moon and stars. “But no one knows who Megami really is . Not even the girl herself, it seems. No one knows that the girl is scared. No one knows that the girl has fears that keep her up at night.”

“I’m not scared of you.” Megami responds defensively.

“I’m not talking about me. I’m talking about you. You are scared of failure,” the woman states plainly, and Megami is taken aback by her bluntness. “You are scared of things that are out of your control.”

Megami pauses for a little bit. “Isn’t everybody?”

“Yes, I suppose. But some of us are more used to it than others. You on the other hand… have never experienced failure, really. You are good at everything you do, so the moment you’re not perfect, you’re scared…” The woman frowns a little, and she stares at the girl tensing up. “What about your friend? The girl with that pretty shade of blonde hair and those beautiful eyes you like looking at. I’m sure she could tell you all about what it means to fail, to be called a failure, to keep picking yourself up again only to get smacked back to the bottom and have to repeat the cycle.”

“Osoro? What does she have to do with this?”

“That’s why she makes you nervous, isn’t it?” The woman continues like she doesn’t hear her. “You feel like you’re failing her, everytime you see her, yes? Those sickening welts hiding under her shirt, bruises down to the bone, faded scars that will never go away. It scares you because you have no control over it, doesn’t it?”

Megami clenches her fist tightly. She feels a weird sense of protectiveness over her friend and finds herself angry at this woman for bringing up Osoro like this. “I cannot discuss this with a stranger.”

“We aren’t strangers.”

“I-” Megami starts. She is about to finish with “- don’t know you” , but a realization dawns over her. “You were at the pathway, weren’t you?” 

“Was I?” The woman smiles lightly.

“Who are you?” Megami cries out. She has had enough of her and her strange words and mannerisms.

“What a silly question,” the woman shakes her head. “Don’t you already know by now? You said it yourself already, haven’t you?”

And it comes like a flash of lightning and Megami knows.

“A Saikou,” she whispers.

The woman smiles and nods in approval. “You’ve been here for a while. Better wake up before you forget how to.”

-------

Megami woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. She rubbed her eyes, blinking slowly a few times to adjust to the brightness of her room. The groggy headache had gone away, but now there was something else plaguing her. That woman. If Megami closed her eyes, she could see her face so clearly.

That woman was a Saikou, there was no doubt about that. From her father’s seeming avoidance of her, she had to be someone he knew but never talked about, and there was only one person Megami knew like that. Her aunt. 

Megami knew her, or rather knew of her. Her mother was the one who had told Megami what she had done, but she only gave the bare details, not even her name. The story of her aunt was meant to be a cautionary tale, a reminder of the consequences for bringing shame to the Saikou name. 

She sat up slowly on her bed. It could all be blamed as a weird dream, her brain just imagining things, attributed to a little cold. But it had been so vivid, so real. Not a dream, it felt like a vision. A divine revelation.

How long had she been sleeping? Her hand reached for her phone. It’d been a mere twenty minute nap. She hadn’t even finished writing up that report to Ms. Kunahito before she passed out. But twenty minutes was a lot for someone as busy as her. Time is money, as her father would say. 

There was no time to worry about catching up because there was a knock on her door.

She quickly ran her fingers through her hair, combing it down in an attempt to look like she hadn’t been asleep.

“Miss Saikou,” a voice from the other side called out. It was her butler, Mr. Miura. “I’m sorry for bothering you when you just got back from school, but I got something for you from your father.”

Megami straightened her gloves, and got up to answer the door. “It’s okay Mr. Miura. What does my father have for me?”

“It’s your grandfather. His condition worsened suddenly last night so he got transferred to another hospital,” he said solemnly. “They’re flying in the best doctors from around the world. Your father wants you to visit him.”

“Oh…” She hadn’t expected this news to come until much later. But she then remembered earlier in the morning, she heard her father talking on the phone about some hospital. “Did he say right now?”

“When you’re available.”

“I see.” Megami thought about making her visit later, but she stopped herself. Mr. Miura had been part of their family since her father was a child. He must have known her aunt. A friendly older middle aged man with a laid back comforting energy that Megami loved and trusted. He was like an uncle to her. He wouldn’t rat on her if she asked about her aunt. “I can go right now.”

“Perfect,” he smiled. “I’ll go ahead and start the car. You just meet me outside the front doors and I’ll be ready for you.”

The butler left and Megami tidied herself up, smoothing out wrinkles on her clothing and double checking her hair once again to make sure it looked perfect as usual. To be honest, she had nothing to say to her grandfather. She had no good memories or experiences with him and his temper. He was an intelligent man, and Megami admired that much of him, but she always made sure to keep out of his way if possible. 

When she got in the limousine and they started off driving to the hospital, she decided to ask about her aunt. It was a risk because she knew how taboo it was, but Mr. Miura was her best lead. Personal eyewitnesses made for better testimonies.

“Mr. Miura, can I confide in you?” She asked. Confide was a much better word to use than ask, she figured. 

“Of course! What’s on your mind? I won’t tell your father anything, don’t worry.” Mr. Miura winked in the rearview mirror. 

“Do you know… Did you know my aunt?”

He went quiet for a minute, surprised at the mention. 

“Yes, I did,” he finally responded after debating with himself. “Watched her and your father grow up.”

“Tell me about her.” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand.

“Well…” He glanced at her in the mirror. “Alright, but don’t tell anyone I told you about her, okay? I’m serious about that. I’m not allowed to tell you this stuff. Whatever you want with her, leave me out of it.”

Megami found it odd that he sounded almost like he was scared. “You know I won’t, Mr. Miura. I’d get in trouble too.”

“Right. Okay,” he said. He sounded like he was trying to reassure himself that nothing would happen. “Her name was Ichiko.”

Ichiko. First child. She was the older sister, then. 

“She was a pretty girl, tall and beautiful. Looked a lot like you, actually. She was real nice to everybody, always smiling about something. A lot of people liked her, too. She was supposed to inherit Saikou Corp because she was the firstborn. Akademi High was actually built for her, you know that? She liked gold and white, so the school colors are white and gold. She liked symmetry, so the school was build to be symmetrical. She liked cherry blossoms, so your grandfather made sure they were planted around the campus.”

Megami had known Akademi HIgh was originally built for Saikous, but she didn’t know it was for her aunt specifically. Grandfather must have loved her a lot. “So what happened?”

“Well, it’s one thing to be a Saikou, and another thing to be a Saikou. Some of us, you know, aren’t born geniuses. Your grandfather put all his hopes and expectations on Ichiko since she was his heir, but she couldn’t live up to those expectations. Even with Akademi being tailored to her own liking, her best wasn’t enough. The girl struggled a lot to be anything above average, and that’s a harsh thing especially when you’re the daughter of Saisho Saikou, you know?”

“So she left the family after that?”

“To keep it short, when she graduated, she called it quits on Saikou Corp and left. Practically disappeared. I think the pressure got to her, the poor girl. I can’t even begin to imagine how it felt to be in her shoes. I don’t blame her entirely for leaving, to be honest.”

“Grandfather must have been beyond mad,” Megami murmured.

“Mad doesn’t even begin to describe it,” Mr. Miura said, eyes blinking fast as he recounted the last few times he saw Ichiko. “The fact that you never hear anyone in the family talking about her anymore shows how bad it was. Your grandfather cut off every single tie with her, removed her from every single portrait, remodeled her room, blotted her name from the will, and even to this day he acts as if she doesn’t exist. She is dead to him. No one really knows where she went off to.”

She is dead to him. Ominous words. “Do we even know she’s alive?”

The limousine came to a red light and Mr. Miura gripped the steering wheel. “Miss Saikou, I’m supposed to tell you she’s dead.”

“And is she?”

“I personally don’t know. I’m only a butler. I’m a servant of your household. Servants don’t ask questions.” He tapped the steering wheel in thought. “But in my opinion, I don’t think she’s dead. At least I really hope so. She didn’t deserve what happened to her. She was such a sweet kid, you know? But even if she wasn’t a Saikou prodigy, it wasn’t like she was stupid. She still went through the same training as you. She still graduated from Akademi High. I’m sure she’s made a good life for herself, wherever she is.” The light turned green and the car began to move again. “Why so interested anyways?”

She quickly thought of a lie. “I found this old family portrait of Father and his sister in the school’s storage room. It just made me wonder.”

“Interesting. Guess they forgot to throw it out.” He let out a sigh. "Between you and me, I think your family still keeps tabs on her.”

Megami’s eyebrows arched. This could be useful information. “I thought they completely cut off ties.”

“Yeah, but she knows the company inside out. Not a good idea to let someone who knows the company secrets to be completely off the hook, y’know what I mean? Especially when they are probably not on very good terms with the company. She knows too much. She could be a liability.”

“That’s true. It’s not like they would kill her off or anything,” Megami joked, chuckling.

“Yeah, they wouldn't do something like that…” Mr. Miura trailed off with an uneasy smile. 

--------

As Osoro was walking home from the campus, she started feeling the repercussions of the morning. 

All the adrenaline had long faded, and there was only the feeling of her cold wet shirt sticking to her body and dull flashes of pain that rippled across her. She coughed and she almost doubled over from how much it hurt. Osoro knew this feeling well, but it still fucking sucked every single time. It genuinely felt like she was going to be screwed if she got hurt again because she didn’t know how many more hits she could take. She had promised Megami she wouldn’t get into any more fights for the time being, but her father’s mood was something that she couldn’t promise. 

The physical pain wasn’t even the worst part, it was trying to mentally recover from it. The long nights of staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep from the memories constantly flashing in her head, going outside to smoke as many cigarettes as she can, feeling even more sick from the because she doesn’t know how much is too much, finally passing out on her bed when her head was finally quiet, only to have to wake up early for school tomorrow with a raging headache. 

That was why she often showed up to class late. It was too hard waking up sometimes. Then when she finally showed up, she’d be completely out of it listening to Ms. Kunahito lecture her about keeping up a good attendance rate. 

But still, this time had gone a little too far. Maybe her father had already been in a shitty mood before he got drunk again, and her throwing away his beer was the last straw. Stress from work maybe? Honestly, Osoro didn’t really know what kind of job he worked. She never really bothered to finding out. He was paying the bills and the money for alcohol had to come from somewhere, so she knew it wasn’t like he was getting wasted all day. Maybe he had a shitty boss, and work was putting pressure. 

But then Megami had just told her there was no excuse for what he was doing. There is no fear in love , Megami had said. And… Well, Osoro knew she was right. You can’t really beat your own child and say you love them. Those two actions contradicted each other. She just… She just couldn’t bring herself to admit it. No matter how far he went, no matter how badly she had been beaten, she always found herself crawling back. 

Him smashing his half lit cigarettes on her arm while her head was still spinning from the last punch. Like fuck, just barely thinking about it made her feel like smoking an entire pack of cigarettes at once. The scars, too. The scars on her body. Some came from gang fights, but some of them were the product of her father’s drunken anger. There were some pretty obvious ones on her arms where she didn’t wrap up, and her legs as well, but there were many more under her shirt.

Megami was always looking at the cross shaped one on her cheek. Osoro didn’t know if she was doing it subconsciously or what, but her eyes just seemed to linger at that spot with all this concern and worry in her eyes. She couldn’t entirely blame her for doing so. It was considerably sized and stood out. That was the one that came from her father smashing a bottle on her face. It had hurt like a bitch. She had to get stitches for it too. It was one of the more intense memories that always haunted her. The explosive pain that felt like someone had jammed hot electricity into the side of her face. Laying on the floor, feeling the blood start to trickle out beneath her, half passed out from the impact. 

Then the way Megami held her cheek so gently earlier like she was handling a bird with a broken wing. She had done it so softly, though it still hurt. Osoro’s face flushed hard thinking about it. She could not believe she let Megami do that. She would never let anyone do that, not in a million years. 

She reached into her jacket’s pocket, fumbling for a cigarette. They were all wet so she threw them away in the closest trash bin she could find. Whatever. She could probably find one around the house.

Osoro kept walking, as fast as her body would let her. She didn’t want to get caught up in the rain again. 

She saw her house in the distance, and she stopped out of a sudden fear striking her. Seeing her house with the lights on was like a reminder of what was waiting for her at home. Bad things and bad memories. Did she really want to go back in? No, Osoro thought to herself. But she was soaked and tired, and in need of a medical kit.

She had told Megami she could go to Gaku’s house, but that wasn’t the complete truth. It’d be impolite of her to show up unannounced. She didn’t even have her phone on her, it was still in her bedroom so it wasn’t like she could text him. He could’ve been out of the house for all she knew. Plus, Gaku’s parents were probably at home too. She had never met them, but she’d imagine they hated her. From their perspective, she was probably the one who had “ruined their son”. 

Gaku was off the list, then. The rest of the boys too. So then… who else was there?

Osoro shoved her hands in her pockets, and her hand grazed against the shogi tile. Maybe she shouldn’t have brushed off Megami’s offer to stay at her house so quickly. Damn it. There were no other friends she could really ask. She let out a large sigh. There was one person she could think of. 

Ms. Kunahito did tell Osoro that if she needed a place to stay, she could always do something for her. No doubt the counselor would drive to her house without hesitation either. But if she saw Osoro looking like that , she would absolutely lose it, and Osoro really was not in the mood for that. Ms. Kunahito would probably march into the house and throw hands with her father the moment she got, and then she’d force Osoro to stay with her and call the police and it was just too much of a headache right now.

There was no other choice. She had to go in the house. 

Osoro twisted the doorknob and pushed as gently as possible, making sure she wouldn’t make any loud noises. 

Please be sleeping please god please

The door creaked open and there was no response from the house. She held her breath and entered the house, closing the door behind her. She stood in the hallway for a little bit, anticipating a reaction.

It was quiet, dead quiet. A little too quiet. It was never really this quiet. All she could hear was her heart hammering her ribcage. What if he was awake, waiting for her to enter the room?

Shit shit shit shit shit 

She stood there a little longer, but there was nothing. Something was wrong. Her father was a heavy sleeper and when he was passed out, he snored loudly.

“Hey…” she croaked out, voice breaking. 

Still no response. Did he leave the house?

Osoro inhaled deeply and worked up the courage to poke her head into the living room.

Her father was sprawled out on the floor in a puddle of his own vomit, along with spilled beer bottles. 

“Oh shit,” Osoro said out loud. She ran to his side. “Oh fuck. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” She nudged his shoulder harshly. “Get up. Come on.”

His body was limp. She pushed him onto his side and panic rushed through her. Osoro put her ear close to his mouth, fingers on his wrist, searching for a pulse. He was breathing, but it was ragged and slow. There was an irregular pulse. He was still going, still alive but it was bad. 

“For fuck’s sake!” Osoro yelled out, shaking his shoulders in hopes he would snap out of it. His head lolled to the side. “It’s just one thing after another today, huh?” 

She grabbed the nearest phone, muttering every single curse word she knew as she dialed the emergency hotline.

“119, what is your emergency?”

“I need an ambulance. I live on 286-1 Ojima Street in Buzara District…” 

Chapter Text

Osoro never liked the hospital.

The beeps of the monitors, small blinking lights, doors sliding open and shutting in the distance. That metallic tang of all the stainless steel in the open air. There was always the smell of rubbing alcohol that lingered in the air that made her feel sort of sick, like everything was clean, too clean. 

She had been here for hours now, tired and stressed and anxious. Events of the day passed by in one blur. The ambulance had arrived in a couple of minutes and rushed them to the hospital, with the paramedics bombing her with questions, then when they got there, they rolled her father into the ICU room and slammed the doors. She wasn't allowed to go into the ICU like most people, so she remained in the waiting room with all the others who shared her anxiety, nervously pacing around, hearing the nurses shout codes and numbers at each other behind the doors.

When Osoro couldn’t handle being in the waiting room anymore, she went outside to smoke a cigarette then returned to the room for a little bit before the anxiety started kicking in again, going back out, stress smoking, going back in, back out, in and out and in and out before she had to buy another pack from a vending machine outside. It was a terrible and a weird feeling, knowing how badly it was hurting her body but being unable to stop, yet needing something to just ease her mind a little bit. Being patient had never been her thing. 

Her father had finally been stabilized after what felt like the most intense hours of her life. He was wheeled into a hospital room to recover, stomach pumped and hooked up to a bunch of tubes. But he was alive and he was going to be okay, the doctor said, and a nurse would come and take care of the rest. So Osoro took a deep breath and sat next to his bed and waited. Waited for what felt like an eternity with her head leaning back to the wall, eyes slowly closing, trying to catch any amount of sleep she could. 

It all felt like a bad dream. Any moment she would wake up from this, and she’d be laying on her bed, Chibi would be sleeping soundly in his cage, and things were normal. Normal… what was even normal anymore? Smoking herself to sleep wasn’t normal. Constantly having bruises hidden underneath her clothing wasn’t normal. Getting burnt wasn’t normal. Maybe this whole thing was normal, just another continuation of everything that came before. Maybe she should just stop wanting “normal”. It was never going to happen, not for someone like her who had never had shit in the first place. Osoro shouldn’t have been surprised, anyways. Her father was basically always drunk. Alcohol poisoning was bound to happen at one point. It had only been a matter of when.

Soon enough, the door opened and a nurse came into the room, holding a clipboard. Osoro’s eyes fluttered open and she sat up straight.

“Ms. Shidesu?” The nurse asked.

“That’s.” Osoro cleared her throat. It was dry from all the smoke. “That’s me.” 

“You’re Mr. Shidesu’s…?”

“Daughter.”

“I see. What’s your name?” Osoro responded and the nurse wrote it down on her clipboard. “Nice to meet you, Osoro. My name is Kumiko. I’ll be taking care of your father from here on out. Are you a minor?”

“I’m sixteen."

“Okay. And do you have another parent?” Osoro shook her head, and she continued filling out a sheet on her clipboard.

“Alright. That means the paperwork will have to wait. I’m just going to check up on your father’s vitals and see how he’s doing, okay?” The nurse moved to her father’s side and set aside her clipboard. She moved some tubes around, watched the screens of the medical equipment, entered some data on a computer in the room. Osoro had no idea what the numbers on the monitors meant. She watched Kumiko doing her work, resisting the urge to close her eyes. The bright fluorescent lights prevented her from being able to fall asleep, so she sat there, eyelids low, listening to the clacking of the keyboard.

“His vitals are pretty stable, which is always a good sign,” the nurse commented. She picked up the clipboard again and began writing more things down. There was a bit of silence between the two, before she looked up to see Osoro struggling to stay awake. “Are you okay?”

“Hm?” Osoro opened her eyes.

“Your…” The nurse gestured at her face with a slight frown. “You seem rather hurt.”

Osoro had almost forgotten what had transpired in the morning. The weariness from the anxiety and the nicotine clouding her head made it seem like it happened long ago. She hadn’t had a chance to even look in a mirror since then. She glanced at her reflection on her phone screen and even she had to wince. It was pretty bad. The harsh redness of the bruises was starting to turn into an ugly blue. Her clothes were still slightly damp. Dark eye circles dragged down her eyes. She looked like utter shit. No wonder why the nurse looked concerned. 

“What happened to you, girl?” Kumiko asked.

“I…” Osoro hesitated, debating on what to say. “I was in a fight.”

“A fight?” The nurse put a hand on her hip with a raised eyebrow. “Let me guess, then. You’re a delinquent. A yankii, right?”

“Uh.” How could she even respond to that? “I guess.”

“How long ago was this fight?”

“This morning. I didn’t have time to clean myself up when I got back because…” She pointed at the man in the bed. “That happened.”

“You had a fight while it was raining?” She asked. “Maybe you’re the one who should be resting on a hospital bed, hm?”

“Yeah.” Osoro swallowed. “It was stupid. I got drenched. And I got hurt.”

“I would think so. And that’s why your clothes look a little wet.” Kumiko tucked the pen into her pocket. “I can see those bruises on your face turning purple already. I can get you an ice pack in just a second, okay? It’ll help with the swelling. Do you think you broke anything?”

“I don’t think so.” She opened and closed her fist, trying to feel any sharp pains. “It hurts but I can move around okay.” 

“It’s hard to tell on your own sometimes, especially with small fractures. I’m going to go file some of these papers. I’ll be right back.”

The nurse disappeared for a minute, leaving Osoro with her thoughts. Maybe Osoro should’ve come up with some other excuse for her injuries. But really, what else could she have said? The truth? No, the truth was too much for her to say. She didn’t want to think about it. 

It wasn’t long before the nurse returned. “Here.” She placed an ice pack and a warm blanket in Osoro’s hands. “I brought you a blanket too since you might be here for a while.”

“Thanks.” Osoro put the ice to her face. The coldness stung against her skin.

“If you feel like you need anything else, just let me know.”

“Do you have…” Osoro glanced at her forearm and those few red circles spread across her skin. The burns were still sensitive to touch. There had been no time to wrap them up and they were exposed for all to see. Getting an infection would be the last thing she needed. “Do you have stuff for  burns?”

“Burns?” Kumiko murmured. She came next to Osoro, eyebrows furrowing when she saw her arm. “Did you do that to yourself?”

The blonde suddenly felt self-conscious of how bad her entire appearance must have looked. She had to pick her words very carefully now. “No. I mean, I smoke and everything, but I don’t do that type of stuff.”

“Then? How’d those get there?”

“I-it’s complicated.” Osoro scratched the back of her head. “Hard for me to explain.”

“Well. Alright,” the nurse said unconvincingly, sensing her hesitance. She took a closer look at her forearm. “They’re not very fresh or blistered, so that’s good. I can give you some stuff like Neosporin and some bandaids, and you can get some aloe vera gel from over the counter at your local pharmacy. It helps with scars too, not just burns.” 

Oh. The nurse had definitely noticed more than what was on her forearm.

Kumiko dug through a drawer and gave her a small yellow tube of ointment. While she watched Osoro apply it on her arm, she leaned against the counter and sighed. “Um. Look. Osoro, right?”

The girl glanced up at her nervously. The nurse probably thought she’d been burning herself. 

“I remember how it felt like to be young and angry,” she said. “I know it’s tough being a teenager. You’re disillusioned with the world and you think everyone’s against you. Trust me, I get it.” She turned on the sink to wash her hands. “It’s like a fire that burns inside you. You think adults could never understand. You think everyone’s got it all wrong. But one day, you’re going to be an adult and suddenly you become part of that world you were so angry at. And you realize that the world doesn’t care. We’re all too busy dealing with our own problems.

“So I’m telling you right now to take care of yourself. Being a punk is fun when you’re young. Being angry is okay. It’s normal. But being reckless isn’t good.” She wiped her hands on a towel and changed into a new pair of gloves. “You’re going to feel all the side effects from being hurt when you’re older. And you’re going to see all the scars you got when you were a kid and realize no matter what you do, they’re not going to go away no matter how much you want them to.”

Osoro shifted her gaze away to the floor. Her arm was bandaged now, and she lifted the ice pack to the bruise that was forming around her eye. This was such a fucking awkward conversation. Even if she had been in a fight, she would have never let herself get beat up so badly. 

“You’re a good kid. You’re looking after your father all by yourself. That takes a lot, you know? It must be scary going through this alone. Sixteen year old me would be on her third mental breakdown at this point,” Kumiko chuckled lightly. She glanced at Osoro, who was still quiet. “It’s not like me to lecture, honestly… Maybe it’s because I’m a nurse and it’s in my nature to care for people. Maybe it’s because I have a daughter who’s your age too. I don’t know. I think I should stop my rambling now. You should go outside and get some fresh air. I’m going to go get some medical records for some of my other patients. If you need something, just press the red call button, okay?”

“Okay,” Osoro mumbled. “Thanks.”

Kumiko left the room and Osoro was left there again, with nothing but the sounds of the monitors beeping and the small blinking lights. She got up from her chair and stood at the end of her father’s bed, watching the man’s chest rise and fall slowly. He seemed almost unrecognizable in that state. She was used to seeing him sitting on the couch with a cigarette or a can in his hand, fearing him when he stood up and towered over her, not laying here in a pitiful state. 

Osoro clenched the railings of the bed. Why was she even so worried for him? Wasn’t this the same guy behind all those bruises on her body?

“You could’ve died, you know that?” She said in a low voice. “I didn’t even have to call the ambulance. Could’ve just let you lay there and choke on your puke. It’d be a real shit way to die, wouldn’t it?” She paused like she was waiting for a response. There was nothing, of course. “But then I did. I called the ambulance because I was scared.”

She pulled a cigarette from her pocket. “For a moment I thought you would die and I got really fucking worried because, you know, I’d thought about shit like this happening a lot. If you really bit the dust, would my problems go away? Would I stop hurting all the time?”

By instinct, she pulled out a lighter and flicked it, then she stopped. Smoking in a hospital room? I’m going fucking crazy. But her throat was itching again, craving for that nicotine to wrap around her like a warm blanket.

She left the building for a little bit and found a bench to sit on outside. It was late afternoon. The sun would be setting in only a few minutes. Had it really only been one day? Her conversation with Megami in the morning felt like it had been days ago, in another lifetime. The lighter came out again and she put the cigarette in her mouth.

Osoro sat there, watching the people pass her by. No one paid her any attention. A tiny sparrow came close to her foot, pecking the grass for any seeds it could find. An ant was circling around on the bench near her. It seemed absurd how even though her life came close to falling apart within the past few hours, the world kept moving on. To an average person walking down the street, she was just some teenage dirtbag who was smoking on a bench. No one cared. Just like what the nurse said. Everyone had their own things to worry about.

After a bit of bumming around, she went back into the hospital. The temperature of the day was beginning to drop, and she felt a chill pass through her. That blanket the nurse gave her sounded good right about now. There was a limousine parked at a specially marked curb. Probably some rich elite guy.  

When she came back inside the room, her father was awake. His eyes were half open, seemingly like they were a bit glazed over. He moved his head a little to see who had come into the room.

“Hey… Dad.” Osoro shuffled over to his side. It was hard looking him in the eyes. Her heart was beating uncontrollably fast. It was always hard not being nervous around him, even now when he was laying in a bed, unable to move.

“Hey kid.” Her father stared at Osoro, her darting eyes, her hunched in shoulders, those heavy eye bags. “Sit down, why don’tcha?”

His voice was a lot softer and cracked. It was the voice Osoro recognized as her dad. None of that shouting or slurring. It was the voice of the man that would ruffle her hair and buy her ice cream for getting a good score on her math test. It was a voice she hadn’t heard in a very long time. She obeyed him and sat in the chair, hands uncomfortably holding the ice pack that was no longer cold. 

Her father’s eyes lingered on the sprouting bruises on her face, then dropped down to her arm. Those old burn scars and the new ones smothered in ointment. Osoro’s throat tightened. 

His eyes went back to her face. “I did that to you, huh?” 

Osoro couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact. She wanted to be angry and say something like Fuck you! But she couldn’t, for some reason. That anger that was usually sitting inside her wouldn’t come out. It felt like he was a different person when he was sober, and she could only be mad at the drunk version.

“I’m sorry.” His gaze moved to the ceiling. “I know I put you through a lot of shit you don’t deserve.”

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Osoro shut her eyes tight. How long had she been waiting to hear those words? She had long given up on being able to hear an apology. It seemed that it would be less painful to just suck it up and take the hits. But here it was. I’m sorry. Fuck. She wanted to cry a little, not out of happiness and relief, but a crushing realization that it didn’t change anything. That apology she had been seeking all this time didn’t change the fact that they were still in a hospital room. It didn’t change the fact that he had almost died a few hours ago. It didn’t change the fact that he had beat her so badly even the nurse got concerned.

“I don’t really mean half the things I say when I’ve been drinking,” her father said slowly. He blinked hard a few times, still waking up. “My own dad was the same… Guess I turned out like him. And his dad. And his dad too... Fuck.” He let out a heavy sigh. “I’m a fucking failure of a parent.”

Osoro quietly listened to him, heart still beating fast. She wasn’t about to tell him that wasn’t true or that he shouldn’t give himself a hard time.

“I was a real trashy troublemaker when I was your age, ‘cause my parents were too. I smoked and drank and fought with other delinquents and cursed everyone because I was angry at everything in my life. And then I met your mother.” A small smile spread on his lips. “She took all the anger out of me and taught me to be nicer. To other people. To myself. And it took real effort but I tried hard every single day.”

Her mother. She almost seemed like a mythical figure, from the way her father talked about her. To Osoro, she was much of a curiosity. There wasn’t much Osoro knew about her, and she found out as a kid that asking her father too many questions wasn’t a good idea. He would get in a quiet and sullen disposition and Osoro would know that she had prodded too much and ruined the mood.

“When you grow up, whatever you do, Osoro,” he said a little more strongly, “don’t end up like me. You gotta break this cycle. I thought I did, back then. I thought I came a long way when I married your mother and we had you… then I look behind me and it turns out I’ve been circling around the same old thing.” 

Osoro glanced at him, hands fidgeting with the ice pack. This was the longest interaction they’d had in a while that didn’t end up with her getting hurt, and it felt wrong. Everything was going too peacefully right now. She couldn’t get rid of that feeling of dread that always filled her when she was in the same room with him. 

Her father noticed how quiet she was and he felt a ball of remorse in his chest. “Kid… the moment I start remembering what I’ve done, I feel guilty, y’know? I don’t want to hurt you. And then I reach for that bottle to wash away that guilt and the cycle repeats. And each time it’s like…” He mumbled, “How come no matter how hard I try, I end up where I started? Why does nothing seem to ever change?”

A cough seized him and he settled back into the bed. He could smell the smoke coming off of his daughter and he pursed his lips. “I can’t guarantee what’s gonna happen in the future. I wish I could say things will one hundred percent change and everything will be okay. I wish I could be a better man and tell you I’m gonna clean myself up. But I don’t wanna make a promise to you that I can’t hold. That hurts more than telling the truth.”

“...You’d at least try, right?” Osoro mumbled, eyes looking at her feet.

The first words he heard from her. And he felt that small ball of remorse turn into a huge wave of guilt that washed over his heart. “I’m gonna try my hardest. My absolute hardest, kid, that I promise. I know I get real mean when I’m not sober. And I haven’t been sober in a while…” He closed his eyes. “Guess having my mind finally be clear makes me have to think of these things I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about. Been laying here for God knows how long with nothing to do except think.”

“Dad.” Osoro swallowed, sweaty hands gripping the edges of her chair. She felt nauseous. “Do you… do love me?”

She knew what his response would be, and that was the response she believed to be true in her heart. She knew he loved her, but everyone around her seemed to be saying the opposite. Those two thoughts were contradictory and wouldn’t reconcile in her head.

There was a flicker of light in his eyes. He gazed at his daughter with all intent and seriousness. “You’re my own flesh and blood, Osoro. My only child. I remember when you were born…” He smiled a little bit. “You took so long to come into the world. You were so small I could hold you in one hand,” he said, cupping his left hand in the air like he was reliving the memory. “And you were such a cute kid too. Your mother loved you more than anything else in this world.” His smile faded and he put his hand down. “Osoro. I’m a man of many mistakes. I know I do a lot of stupid shit that hurts you. But I love you. That’s the truth. I love you.”

She opened her mouth, then she suddenly realized how dry her throat was and she couldn’t find the words to respond anymore. All she could hear was Megami’s voice in her head. He doesn’t love you like you think he does, Osoro. There is no fear in love. I wish you could see that. 

“I’m…” Osoro stood up suddenly. Her hands were trembling. She wanted to smoke so badly she felt like throwing up. “I’m gonna go out. Go outside. Um. You should sleep.”

“You should go back home and get some rest too.” He pulled the blankets over himself a little tighter. “I’ll be okay here.”

Osoro left the room quickly, feeling like she couldn’t breathe. Fresh air was what she needed. She was on the fifth floor and at the end of the hallway was a door that led to an outdoor balcony.

From there, she could see the entire city bathed in orange below her as the sun sat on the horizon. She placed a cigarette between her lips and lit it up. Relief entered her, and she stood there quietly, soaking in that fuzzy feeling.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, but she ignored it. It’d been vibrating a lot the past few hours. Most likely a text from one of the boys. They were probably a little worried as to why she hadn’t been responding to their texts. Maybe it was wrong of her to suddenly ignore them without telling them a single thing. But honestly, she couldn’t deal with having to read through their group chat right now. Her problems with reading always seemed to get worse when she was stressed or tired, and if she looked at anything more than a sentence right now, she would just see a blur of characters and lines.

Osoro looked at the rooftops of all the houses and buildings. The people walking around on the streets, coming home for the night. A stray cat sticking its nose into a trash can. A young couple hugging underneath the street light. Lights turning on inside houses, families eating dinner together, every single one of them with their own lives and relationships and backgrounds. Each of them with a life just as complex as her own.

She viewed all of this from that balcony and she felt so incredibly small. 

The door opened behind her. She didn’t turn around, thinking it was just another person who had come out to get fresh air. She wasn’t wrong, but it was a person she wasn’t expecting.

“Osoro?” 

The blonde whipped around in surprise, cigarette still in mouth. “Megami?”

There the President stood, eyes also widened in surprise. The two faced each other in bewildered silence as Osoro slowly took out the cigarette from her mouth. They had met each other earlier in the day in much different circumstances, each of them not quite the same as themselves from a few hours ago.

“What are you doing here?” Osoro asked. Megami joined her at the railing and she looked over the balcony. It was a pretty view. The street lights were starting to flicker on in their yellow dimness, the sky was split into the arrays of red and purple.

“I could ask the same of you.”

“I asked you first.” Osoro took a drag of her cigarette, and Megami gave a slight frown. 

The President didn’t like seeing Osoro smoke. That dream she had earlier… and how Osoro smoked heavily when she was stressed. Her friend was looking quite terrible too, to be frank. Her clothing still looked a little damp, her skin was covered in harsh bruising, she smelled like smoke and her arm was wrapped up. Why would Osoro be at the hospital? Did she really get hurt that badly? Concern washed over Megami again. 

“My grandfather’s really sick,” Megami answered. “So he’s staying here for a while.”

“Your grandfather… As in the Saisho Saikou? He’s here in this hospital right now?” Osoro asked in disbelief. She had only seen the man in history textbooks and on TV. She sometimes forgot that Megami was the literal granddaughter of one of the most important men in Japanese history. She felt like an absolute nobody in comparison to Megami’s family. It was surreal that she was even standing in the same building as Saisho Saikou. The limousine parked out front probably belonged to Megami’s family.

“Yes. He was originally staying in our own private hospital, but we’re having international doctors fly in to see him since he hasn’t been getting better,” Megami said. “He might die soon.”

“Oh… sorry,” Osoro mumbled. “That must suck.”

“It’s okay. I never really liked him.”

“Oh damn. Alright,” the blonde said, a little caught off guard.

“My turn.” Megami got a bit closer to Osoro and she could smell the smoke coming from her breath. “What are you doing here?”

“Well…” Osoro leaned over the railing, cigarette between her fingers. This whole situation felt like some weird fever dream. Like it was happening to someone else and she was just an observer from above, and she would wake up tomorrow like nothing had happened. “I went back home, yeah? And I found my old man lying in a puddle of his own vomit. Almost drank himself to death. I had to call the ambulance, so that was fun.”

“Goodness. I-is he alright?”

“Yeah…” She sniffed and took another drag from her cigarette. “I’m honestly more surprised it didn’t happen earlier. It’s… it’s whatever, I guess. He’s doing okay now, I mean. His vitals are fine and all that. Stabilized and whatever. He’s fine. We’ll manage.”

The President stared at the girl’s battered face, how she was blinking fast, eyes shifting back and forth. She was overwhelmed, and Megami could understand why. Today must have taken her through a ride of emotions. “Are you alright?”

“He was, you know,” she fidgeted with the cigarette before raising it to her lips. It was uncomfortable saying all of it out loud, but she couldn’t stop at this point. “He was kind of apologizing for the shit he did to me. Guess almost dying gave him a lil’ something of a wake up call. It’s just…” Osoro pursed her lips. “I’d been waiting for an apology for who knows how long now… and when I finally got one, I only felt more shitty. After all these years, he finally says something. Like a sorry would change the past. An apology doesn’t get rid of scars. I don’t know what I was expecting. Guess I thought I would feel better.”

“You don’t have to forgive him,” Megami said quietly.

“I know. It’s just….” Osoro stared out into the distance before letting out a large sigh. “Fuck. I don’t know. Like what if he died or something? What would that mean for me?”

“He’s okay now, isn’t he?”

“That’s the thing man…” She put out the cigarette on the railing. “If he was gone, I’d stop getting the shit beat outta me. But I can’t bring myself to want that. But I should want him to be outta my life. Like ain’t that the logical thing to want? But I don’t , and I don’t get why I don’t. I’m so fucking confused.” She sighed again and ran her fingers through her blonde locks of hair. “I don’t know man, I think I’m just fucked in the head or something.”

Megami remembered what Ms. Kunahito had explained about the psychology behind abuse victims still loving their abusers. But how could she explain that? Should she even try to explain, or would it just be lost? “You’re not crazy, Osoro. It’s a matter of psychology.”

“Plus, if he was gone, I wouldn’t have anywhere to go…” Osoro muttered. Reality was starting to settle in. She would be alone if her father died. She had no mother. She had no grandparents, no aunts or uncles that were in her area or she really knew. She wasn’t exactly a child and she could take care of herself, so it’s not like she would be taken into the foster system. There was only one person left, and that was Ms. Kunahito, and Osoro would really rather not.

“You know Ms. Kunahito always says she’d be happy to take you in if you need a place to stay.”

“I think she’d nag me to death about all the bad habits I’ve picked up,” she spoke through a breath of smoke.

“It’s always an option. Ms. Kunahito nags because she cares.”

“I know she cares a lot about me. Even I’d have to be blind if I didn’t see that. She’s always an inch away from calling the police to my house for my sake. And I bet she’d strangle my dad too if she had the chance,” Osoro smiled dryly. 

Osoro pulled out her pack of cigarettes. There were only two remaining from the twenty she had bought from the vending machine, though it had barely been a few hours. She felt like smoking the rest so she didn’t have to think about this whole ordeal any longer. To just smoke and smoke until she couldn’t think anymore and she could reach that zen state of mind where nothing mattered. She wanted to reduce herself into ashes. Her favorite form of self destruction. 

Then she saw Megami staring at her with those bright and silver eyes, eyebrows slightly furrowed in concern and in distaste for those cancer sticks in her hands. Probably not a good idea to chainsmoke in front of the Student President.

“I think I’d have a few words with him too,” Megami said. She was not smiling. “He hurts you too much.”

“Shit, I swear it probably looks worse than what it really is.”

“No. Don’t downplay it.” She was looking at Osoro’s forearm that rested against the railing, covered with new bandages. There were old scars poking out. Megami lightly grazed her hand over them, and Osoro resisted the urge to flinch. “It’s abuse. I mean, he literally burns you.”

Abuse. Abuse. It’s abuse. It sounded weird to Osoro. She had done her best to avoid that word. Her father hurt her, yes, she wasn’t about to deny that, but she had never thought of the word abuse. If it was abuse, then she was a victim, and she hated how that sounded. Victims made her sound like someone to be pitied, someone who was weak and vulnerable and needed to be protected. 

Osoro tensed up a little as Megami’s hand moved to her wrist. “I don’t want your pity, man.”

“I’m serious.” Megami squeezed Osoro’s hand. “Don’t think what he does to you is justified because he’s your father. You can’t shrug these things off and act like it’s normal. You shouldn’t have to fear your own parent.”

“Megami, I appreciate you and all,” Osoro lazily raised a new cigarette to her lips, “but you’re such a hypocrite.”

“I’m not…” Megami pursed her lips. Hypocrite? She didn’t… Her father had threatened her before and she had been scared many times but… No,  that wasn’t the same…“That’s different.”

There was a soft knowing smirk on the delinquent’s lips. “Is it really?”

Megami opened her mouth, but nothing came forward. You shouldn’t have to fear your own parent. Those were literally her own words… Osoro wasn’t wrong to call Megami a hypocrite, but the President herself was still in denial. It applied to everyone else but her. 

“No smoking allowed, Shidesu,” she said quietly, changing the subject. Megami plucked the cigarette from her lips, leaving the blonde open mouthed in protest. “You’ve had enough for today.”

“Hey, that shit’s not cheap,” Osoro grunted. This wasn’t the first time Megami had taken a cigarette from her. The last time had been when they were talking behind the school and she threw her cigarette into the incinerator. Osoro hadn’t reacted much to it back then, but now it was different. The urge was growing in her more and more. She could feel herself getting pissed off, wanting the nicotine so badly that she wanted to throw a tantrum like a child - and it was embarrassing how desperate she wanted it. Needed it. 

“You’re only using these as a crutch. You’ve been through a lot, Osoro. And there are consequences to that. You’re only putting a bandaid over a deep wound, exchanging one problem for another.” Megami crushed the cigarette in her palm, and Osoro clenched her jaw. One cigarette remained, and Osoro had no money on her to buy another pack. “You’ve burnt through at least two in front of me in a span of a few minutes. How many have you smoked today?”

“This was a new pack,” Osoro said in a restrained anger. “I just got it like a few hours ago.”

“So eighteen in a span of a few hours?” Megami raised an eyebrow. “You don’t see anything wrong with that? You’re addicted.”

“I’m fucking stressed man!” Osoro shot back, hands gripping the railing hard. “Fuck, I know I got a problem but it’s how I deal with shit!”

“I’m not going to let you destroy yourself in front of me. What would Ms. Kunahito say if she saw you?”

“Don’t get a fucking savior complex over me. Kunahito’s not my mother.”

“Hasn’t she taught you better coping mechanisms? You have to stop reaching for a pack every time to deal with your stress. You forget that you don’t have to deal with this alone.”

Osoro clenched her fist. Her smoking habit was so ingrained in herself that she hadn’t even given a single thought to what Ms. Kunahito had taught her. She had forgotten, fallen into her bad habits so easily, without even realizing just how deep she had buried herself into them.

The delinquent swallowed hard. “I know that. I just... Old habits die hard.” A smoky cough overcame her and her bruised body exploded with pain. She had to pretend like it wasn’t a big deal or else she knew Megami would’ve forced her to check into the hospital. “You know I grew up dealing with shit on my own. I mean… I’m used to picking myself up over and over again, and sometimes it just feels like I don’t need help. And I’ve actually been listening to Kunahito and what she tells me. I’m working on it, I really am. I’m trying so fucking hard. But opening myself and my problems up to people is asking a shit ton of me. I’m still getting used to it, man.”

“Then let me help you,” Megami responded. Osoro grew quiet, and Megami said, “I’m not going to take no for an answer this time.”

“And what do you plan on doing?” The blonde muttered. 

Megami was going to call Kunahito, but telling Osoro that was too risky. How Osoro would react to that would be a coin flip. “I’ll have something be done. You might protest and think it’s not good, but I’ll do something.”

“Would it hurt to be less vague?”

“If you could have anything right now, what would it be?” Megami asked.

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

“Anything, huh?” Osoro stared into the distant sunset. “I would do anything for a good night’s sleep… Can’t even remember the last time I was able to just close my eyes and sleep through the whole night… But I guess even that’s too much to ask these days.” She closed her eyes. “Sleep doesn’t even really feel like rest anymore.”

Megami’s heart wrenched. If she was able to, she would erase every single problem she had and make everything okay. There wasn’t much she could physically do to help Osoro and those nightmares that always plagued her, as much as she desired to. At the very least, Ms. Kunahito could handle all the legal paperwork for the hospital for her. It would take a bit of the burden off Osoro’s shoulders. And Megami could certainly pull a few strings to make sure that Osoro’s father would get the best care possible.

“You won’t have to worry about all this hospital stuff anymore. You can go home after this, and the rest will be taken care of. All you’ll have to do is visit your father when you want, if that's what you would like. Don’t worry about the paperwork, health insurance, whatever fees you need to pay. I’ll take care of it.”

“You sound real fuckin’ shady when you talk like that.”

It wasn’t a no, Megami noted, and that was already an improvement. “It’s the least I can do for you.” She took Osoro’s hands and placed them in her own, to the blonde’s slight discomfort. “But you need to remember, Osoro. You’re not alone in all of this.”

“I know, I know,” Osoro mumbled, releasing herself from Megami’s grip. “I’ve heard it again and again. I don’t know what type of shady shit you’re about to pull behind the scenes for me, but thanks for caring ‘bout me, I guess.”

A thank you from Osoro. Megami resisted the urge to smile. Looking back from when they first met, this was genuine progress. She was breaking down her walls. “Hey. We’re friends right?”

“Friends.” Osoro smirked. “Yeah. Sure.”

“And friends will always be there for each other.”

The blonde let out a scoff, but a tired grin still sat on her lips. “What is this, middle school?” She shoved her hands in her pockets. “I would love to watch this sunset with you but I think I’m gonna go back in. My dad’s still in there. And I need to talk to the nurse or something before I can go home.”

“Do you want me to be there with you?” 

“It’s okay. I know you’re worried about me being in the same room as him but I think I’ll be okay.” She turned around and reached for the balcony door before pausing. “And… Thanks, man. For real. I’m dead serious about that.”’

Megami smiled. “I’ll see you soon, Osoro.”

“See ya.” 

Osoro disappeared behind the door and Megami heard her footsteps eventually disappear. The President continued to stand there for a little longer, taking in the scenery. The sun was almost completely down the horizon now. She took out her phone and dialed a number.

“Ms. Kunahito, I have something urgent to report…”

------------

God. Why is my life so fucking melodramatic. Osoro had her last cigarette out. The streets were empty and it was dark, save for the street lights bathing everything in a yellow glow. 

She pulled out her lighter and stared at it for a while. You’re only using these as a crutch . Why the fuck was Megami always right? Osoro tucked the lighter back in her pocket, and threw the cigarette and the empty pack in a nearby trash can. It was time to make a change. Or at least try to make one.

Osoro made her way back home. There was someone waiting in front of her door, and Osoro paused, squinting to see who it was. As she got closer, she realized who it was.

“The fuck?... Ms. Kunahito?” 

Her counselor was there, dressed in a coat for the evening weather with her signature red glasses. Ms. Kunahito watched Osoro slowly walk up to her, and as the house lights revealed the girl’s injuries, her heart dropped. Megami’s report had been concerning, and she had hoped it only sounded as bad as it did. But no, her student looked terrible and she had allowed it to happen.

“Why are you at my house?” The blonde asked. 

“I heard what happened.” 

Osoro paused in confusion. Who could have?… Megami. This is what Megami meant when she was going to have something done for her. God damn it. It wasn’t like she really hated Kunahito, but it was in her nature to pull away from the counselor. She was that adult presence of authority in her life she needed and hated at the same time.

“You should’ve called me, Osoro. You know I’m your legal guardian.”

“Whatever. I thought it was fine. I can take care of this.”

“No, you can’t! You’re sixteen, Osoro. Sixteen year olds should be hanging out with their friends and having fun, not dealing with this. This is not something you should be taking care of by yourself.”

“Well,” the blonde said in a cracked voice, “What do you want me to do then?” 

“Leave the adult stuff to the adults. I’m not going to ask you to stay at my place unless you want to - I know you’re old enough to take care of yourself. But at the very least, I need to know you’re okay.”

“I am. I’m okay. There, is that good enough?”

“You’re very clearly not. Let me see.” Ms. Kunahito reached out and held her hand, and Osoro looked away awkwardly. The blonde always found it uncomfortable being stared at, like she was some sort of thing to be inspected. The counselor’s eyes trailed over the bandages and the burns, slowly making her way up to Osoro’s neck, then to her face. She could not help but furrow her eyebrows in concern. There were more under the girl’s shirt, she was sure. How could she have let this happen again? She was supposed to be preventing this. “Your father did this to you, didn’t he?”

Osoro couldn’t lie. It was too obvious. And it was Megami who had Kunahito come to her. It’d be bad of her to resist the counselor’s help, because then that’d be rejecting Megami’s efforts. Plus, she’d been working on opening up more. “Well… Yeah. It was him.”

“Osoro.” Ms. Kunahito held her breath. “I know you’re still in the process of learning how to accept help - And I’m proud of you for that, I really am - But I strongly believe you should seek other forms of help. Not just physical help like right now. I’m talking about mental help.”

“Mental help?... Isn’t that what you do already when we have those talks in school?”

“It’s similar and often overlaps, but counseling isn’t the same thing as therapy. Counseling primarily focuses on short term problems, like when you get in trouble for breaking rules. Therapy is long term and doesn’t just focus on what happens in school.”

“Woah,” Osoro interjected, “if we’re talking about therapy, cut me out of it. That’s for like, mentally ill people, isn’t it?”

“No, Osoro, it’s not. Please don’t have that misconception. It’s can be for anyone, but it's especially for those who have been through traumatic events. It will teach you about your own thought processes, and how to deal with your problems in a healthy way.”

“That’s…” The girl clenched her fists. Two sides of her were fighting. She didn’t want therapy, she didn’t feel like some victim of trauma. But she couldn’t refuse this help, not when Ms. Kunahito believed it would truly help her. “I don’t… I don’t see why I need it.”

“Because, Osoro, everything you’ve been through, all the times you’ve been hurt by other people - It affects you in a lot of ways you don’t even realize. I’m worried for you. You’ve expressed a lot of symptoms that fall under mental health conditions that need attention.” 

“Can you just spell it out for me?”

Ms. Kunahito let out a small sigh. “PTSD. That’s what I mean. And if you don’t get help, it will get worse. I mean, look. It’s already happening, and don’t tell me you haven’t noticed yourself. You smoke yourself to sleep. You struggle with anger. You fight people and hurt yourself. You’re always on edge and can never relax. You talk about getting flashbacks and nightmares. These are all textbook symptoms. You need help, and you need it now.”

Osoro looked at the ground. She had never told Ms. Kunahito about those nightmares that woke her up frequently at night. She’d only told that to Megami… So Megami had been telling Ms. Kunahito things, hadn’t she? Normally she would have felt betrayed, but she was a little thankful because she didn’t know if she could have brought herself to tell the counselor. 

“So… Then what?” Osoro glanced at Ms. Kunahito. “What should I do? I know you’re my guardian or whatever, and I don’t really get this whole thing so… you call the shots on this.”

“I’m thankful you’re willing to take my suggestion seriously,” Ms. Kunahito smiled appreciatively. “I’m your counselor, but I’m also a licensed therapist so nothing much will change. I can have you come into my office twice a week or however much you want. It’ll be easy for you. We can take things as slow as you need.”

“Okay. Sure. That’s fine.” Osoro let out a tense breath of air. “Can I go in my house now? I’m cold.”

“Do you need medical supplies?”

“I have ice packs and antibiotics from the hospital and a first aid kit inside. It’s fine.”

“I’m going to go to the hospital to take care of the paperwork for you. You’re going to be fine on your own for now, right?”

“Yeah. Nothing new to me. If I don’t show up to school on Monday, I’m probably just resting.”

“I’ll let your teachers know. Call me if you need something or want to talk and I’ll be right there.”

“Thanks,” Osoro said. Ms. Kunahito said her goodbyes and Osoro watched her drive off in her car. 

She entered her house and went straight to her bed, collapsing  in exhaustion. Her cockatiel let out an excited chirp when he saw her, and he flew over to her head in excitement. Osoro felt a gentle peck on her cheek and she couldn’t help but let out a weak smile. 

“I’m okay, Chibi.” The bird chirped again and pushed his head on the side of her eye, causing her to curse in pain. “Don’t do that. I have a black eye.” She sighed and gently scratched the bird’s cheek. “I’m gonna wake up tomorrow looking like I came out of hell ‘cause all the bruises will set in. And I’m gonna start going to fucking therapy soon because Ms. Kunahito wants me to.” A soft chitter came from Chibi. “I kinda don’t want to, if I’m being honest…  But I’ve got mad issues that have to be fixed. And I would prefer not being on the verge of a panic attack every time I think about all that shit in my life. It’d be nice to be able to sleep through an entire night so I don’t keep waking you up too, eh?”

Chibi nibbled on a strand of her hair, but the tired girl had already fallen asleep by then. The bird flew back to his cage and tucked his beak into his back, falling asleep as well.

The night was dark and full of terrors, but Osoro slept a little better tonight. 

Chapter Text

The next few days were less hectic, which was much needed by Osoro. 

With the house empty and being excused from school for a few days, she slept as much as her body would let her. She cleaned the house when she couldn’t sleep anymore, throwing away all the alcohol bottles and ashtrays and cigarettes that were laying around. She iced those bruises that lined her arms and face until they had faded a bit and kept those burns clean and wrapped up. Late in the afternoon, Ms. Kunahito would send her a text or call to ask if she needed anything, to which she said no. She wiped the windows and mirrors, scrubbed the bathroom, mopped the floor. The last time the house had been so tidy was… Osoro couldn’t remember when.

Then when Osoro finished cleaning up, she would sit down on the couch in silence, not having anything to do. It was uncomfortable, and she hated how uncomfortable it was. She felt like something was going to happen if she stayed still in one place for too long. She should have been doing something. Anything . Usually she’d be in school, listening to the teacher talk, but now there wasn’t anything to distract her. Being alone with her thoughts was suddenly all too much. 

Taking walks helped, but she could only walk for so long. Going to the gym was also an option, but she didn’t want people staring. Wearing gym clothes where her arms and back were exposed would attract concerned looks. Waiting for the boys to get off school so they could hang out felt like it took forever. She was hesitant to see them because every time she showed up to their hangout looking like that , the mood would sour. The boys were always wanting to do something for Osoro, but they were powerless to do anything except curse their helplessness. And of course, there was her little cockatiel Chibi, she could play with, but there was only so much you could do with a bird.

Even trying to take naps to pass the time was pointless. Falling asleep was hard enough in the first place. Osoro had that habit of avoiding sleep even when she was tired. Thinking about those nightmares that would come made her too anxious to close her eyes. Now that she was trying to smoke less, she couldn’t just block out those thoughts anymore with cigarettes. Even the action of sleeping was tiring. If she did fall asleep, she would wake up a few hours later in a cold sweat, heart pounding and nauseous, and she would reach out for the pack of cigarettes only to remember she had thrown it away, curse her head off, roll out of bed and find something else to do.

It was frustrating. Nothing was wrong, Osoro thought. Her problems were gone for now, so everything should have been fine. Her father was in a hospital bed far away from her. He wasn’t about to crash through the door and sock her in the face again. It’s not as if she had to worry about schoolwork at the moment either. Ms. Kunahito made arrangements for her and her teachers let her off the hook. Not like any gangs were about to show up and challenge her again. Logically, there was no reason why she shouldn’t be able to relax.

So why? Why was this happening? Why couldn’t she just calm down for a single day? Why did she still feel so fucking uneasy? It was like an anxiety dial in her brain had been turned up to the max and got stuck there. Even when there was nothing to be anxious about, she couldn’t turn it down.

…Was this what Ms. Kunahito had been talking about? The whole PTSD thing? 

Osoro hadn’t really understood what her counselor had been talking about back then, but she was starting to realize it the more she spent time by herself. Her brain was fucked up. Undeniably and badly fucked up from all those years of being hurt. Cigarettes weren’t going to help, even she knew that. 

A small bubble of desperation rose in her. She had relied on cigarettes for way too long, and now all her brain knew was that sweet release of nicotine. She’d tried those relaxing techniques Ms. Kunahito had taught her, but it didn’t feel enough. If there was any way to make it stop… Maybe therapy was starting to sound not so bad after all. 

As Osoro looked out the window, watching other students come home from school, she let out a longing sigh. It was time to go back to school tomorrow. Oh , to be born into a good rich family like the rest of her classmates. To have a father who worked a nice job and a stay at home mother who made nice lunches to take to school. Where the only worries were getting into a decent university and family was just another normal aspect of life. Where money or finding a job would never be an issue. 

But things were a bit different now for her, at least. She wouldn’t be going back to a house that always smelled like smoke and alcohol, or to a father that was getting wasted night after night. The house was clean and it was going to stay clean, she was going to make sure of that. If things went well, her father would be clean too. And maybe then she wouldn’t have to spend so much of her time icing her face and searching up how to make bruises fade faster. 

It was a small hope, and Osoro had been taught by life that hope often ended with disappointment. Her fingers slipped around the shogi tile in her pocket, and she brought it out. Her lucky charm that she had won from Megami all that time ago and refused to let go of. 

Yes, she had long given up on expecting anything better in life, but still. There was always that small craving in her heart, a little drop of hope that seemed to have survived through everything. She closed her fingers over the tile. Hope. The thought of that made her smile. 

-----

Osoro’s return to school was nothing out of the ordinary. 

She entered the campus, bag slung over her shoulder, that tattered black coat fluttering behind her. The boys walked behind her slowly, mustering the most intimidating faces they could. All the other students avoided them like usual. Osoro could hear whispers of new rumors from them but she was too used to it, too tired, to really care.

Osoro came to class early before anyone else had arrived so she could talk to Mrs. Rikitake about making up the homework. The teacher was at her desk, typing away at her laptop when she saw the girl walk in. Osoro pretended not to notice how her teacher was staring at her faded bruises. When it came to being subtle, Mrs. Rikitake sure sucked ass. She wondered how much Ms. Kunahito told her teachers. 

“Don’t worry about it, Osoro,” Mrs. Rikitake said. “Just turn it in whenever you can. It’ll be counted as full credit as long as you hand it in to me. More importantly, how are you doing? I know it must be hard coming to school after what happened.”

I feel like absolute shit , Osoro wanted to say. “I’m fine, I think.”

“You think?”

“Everything’s under control right now. It could be worse, that’s what I mean.” 

“Well, okay. Just let me know if I can help you in any way. Are you okay with pairing up with Megami for today? Or do you want some space?”

“Sure. Whatever. Megami can be my partner.” 

“Here, then.” The teacher gave her a small stack of papers. “This is what we’ve been going over in class the past few days. Megami will go over it with you. If you still feel like you need help understanding it, feel free to ask your teachers. They’ll be happy to provide the support you need.”

“Thanks.” Osoro glanced at the papers as she sat down. She had missed a lot. The downside of going to a prestigious school was the amount of work they did every day. Not going to school for a day meant making up work for the next week. Maybe she could get Megami to tutor her again.

It wasn’t long before people started filing into class. Each student that walked in threw Osoro a curious glance. It was rare for her to be in class so early, especially after mysteriously disappearing for a few days. From a quick glance at the bandages, most assumed it was another suspension from getting into a fight.

Eventually Megami walked in a few minutes before the bell rang. She came in from her morning council meeting and the first person she made eye contact with was Osoro. The President froze in surprise. She had been wondering when she would be coming back over the past few days. Each day, her eyes drifted over to Osoro’s empty desk, imagining what she was doing at home. She missed her presence, secretly. 

Even if the blonde would be sleeping at her desk, staring out the window, fidgeting with her pencil instead of paying attention, Megami felt her absence deeply. She had been assigned to be the delinquent’s role model, and it was a role she took seriously. The President liked being able to tap Osoro’s desk to get the girl to look up at her then the board. She would watch her golden eyes narrow in annoyance, eyebrows scrunching and jaw tensing up, and Megami enjoyed every single moment of it. 

She missed her. She wanted her. She wanted to hold Osoro’s hands and feel the roughness of her knuckles and the soft warmness of her palms. She wanted to dress her wounds and tuck her into bed and hold her until she could fall asleep. When she saw that large scar on her cheek, she wanted to hold her face and gaze into those light brown eyes and tell her she was going to make sure nothing bad would ever happen to her again. She wanted to run her fingers through her wild mane of blonde hair and tame her. She wanted to cup her hands into the deep well of Osoro’s heart and see what was on the bottom. She wanted to keep climbing over those walls Osoro had built over herself until she was no longer with her, but a part of her. She wanted her.

So when Ms. Rikitake gestured for Megami to take a seat next to Osoro, she did so swiftly, trying to maintain her composure. It was routine at this point, but her heart was still thrilled. Coming off as excited in front of her classmates would seem odd, so she sat down quietly and gracefully, straightening her back, trying not to look at the blonde. It was supposed to be just another day. Nothing special. But it wasn’t, not to Megami, not to Osoro. They were entering new chapters of their lives.

The bell finally rang for homeroom and Megami led them through the morning routine. Stand up, bow to the teacher, sit down, listen to Megami read the announcements and upcoming events. After homeroom, first period started with Japanese and another teacher entered. Megami turned her chair to Osoro’s desk.

“So. How are things going on your end?” She studied Osoro’s weary expression. The delinquent always looked so tired, those dark eye circles casting a shadow beneath those light eyes, adding on to her intimidating demeanor. Megami noticed the faint rim of light purple around her eye and a bandaid on her cheek, some smaller markings here and there that were going away. She looked a lot better from the last time Megami saw her. 

“Got all this shit to make up in all my classes,” Osoro muttered, flipping through the packet. “But Rikitake said as long as I turn it in at some point it’s fine. I’m okay for now.”

“Did you sleep alright? Your bruises look like they’re healing fast. Do you want me to change your bandages later?”

Osoro stared at Megami quietly. What was up with these barrage of personal questions? “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”

“Ms. Kunahito checked in with you, right?”

“Yeah. Ever since my dad entered the hospital, she keeps texting me every single day.” 

“And your other teachers have made proper accommodations for you? If not, I can have a word with them.”

“They know.” She picked up her pencil, ready to start. “It’s all been taken care of.”

Osoro saw Megami open her mouth again and she cut her off. “Dude, it’s okay. I’m holding up fine. Seriously. Let’s just get this classwork over with. I’m already behind and God knows how long it’s going to take to catch up.”

The President closed her mouth. She was right. It wasn’t good to discuss personal problems in class. Megami just wanted to be sure that Osoro was readjusting from what had happened. “Very well. I’ll give you a brief rundown on what we did in each class, then…” 

Megami started teaching the worksheets and Osoro followed along. The President was a great explainer and was honestly better than the teachers themselves, but Osoro couldn’t bring herself to concentrate. It was boring first of all, but it was also the fact that Osoro had a lot of other things on her mind. 

When did the nurse say my dad was getting out of the hospital? Did I tell Ms. Kunahito when I was going in to see her? Did she even say when she wanted to see me? Or maybe I just walk in when I’m ready?  Lines of words all mushed together into a jumble of characters. Stuff about politics and government and now they were on physics and stuff on kinematics and then calculus and… I really want a fucking cigarette right now.

A yawn escaped Osoro a few times and she nodded to Megami’s words absentmindedly. Whatever. If she didn’t get it later when she went over it herself, Megami would just reteach it to her as many times as she needed. Perks of having a literal genius as your tutor. 

When the bell rang for lunch, Megami asked Osoro, “Hey. Are you doing anything after school?” 

“Dropping by the hospital. Why?” 

“Perfect. I’m going there too. Would you like to accompany me?”

“Eh?” Osoro gave a confused look. “Why do you want me to go with you?”

“Since we’re going to the same place, I thought it would be convenient for you to take a ride with me.”

“Uh.” Osoro scratched the back of her head. She hadn’t expected this. “Don’t you usually have like, CEO training or some shit this time after school?”

“My father allowed me to take some time off to visit my grandfather,” Megami explained. “‘Family priorities’ let me have some leverage over work.” 

“Thought you said you didn’t like your grandfather.”

“I don’t, really. It’s just… a good opportunity for me to just take a break from everything. Call me fake for pretending to be sad over my grandfather, but chances like these almost never come up. I have never been one for taking breaks, but I think I should try to change that.”

“You should. You overwork yourself way too much.” Osoro stuffed her binders into her backpack. “You don’t need to go outta your way to take me to the hospital. I was planning on just walking there.”

“You’re gonna walk to the hospital? It’s quite a far distance. By car, it will take a mere ten minutes at most.”

“It’s not a big deal. I like being on my feet, anyways.” Osoro got up from her seat, and Megami followed. The blonde was beginning to really feel how insistent Megami was being.

“I can have my butler drive us,” Megami offered.

“Butler,” Osoro snorted. The two were out the classroom door now, starting to walk down the hall. “Of course you have one. I dunno, wouldn’t it be kinda weird for me to sit in your car? And if your butler sees you hanging out with someone like me…”

“He’s not a very uptight man. He would not mind. Yes or no?”

Osoro glanced at her. Megami was not going to give up. Might as well entertain her request. “Sure, I guess. Only ‘cuz you asked.”

“Great,” Megami smiled, satisfied. “After school, go out to the back parking lot that the teachers use. My butler will be there in a black limousine right out front.”

“And of course it’s a fucking limousine,” Osoro chuckled. “Yeah, I got it. I’ll try not to be late.”

“If you change your mind, please text me. I have something to discuss with another teacher, so I won’t be in class after lunch. I’ll meet you there after school.” Megami left her and disappeared into the crowd of students.

In the distance, a girl with a dark shade of blue hair and an eyepatch observed the two carefully. She narrowed her eye suspiciously, watching the delinquent talk with her best friend. 

-----

“Check it out, Boss.” Gaku lit up a cigarette and blew out a few rings of smoke, coughing. He grinned and took another quick drag. “I finally got that trick down. Need a lighter?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Osoro could barely bring herself to smile. She took a bite out of her lunch, a simple onigiri, but she honestly didn’t feel like eating. Trying to cut back on the cigarettes was making her antsy, and being around the boys was making the cravings unbearable. “Been trying not to smoke as much lately.”

“You quitting?” Dairoku asked with an eyebrow raised. He was squatting on the ground, eating a sandwich with Hokuto and Hayanari.

“I dunno. It’s kinda messing with my head,” Osoro shrugged. “Maybe I’ll quit, maybe I won’t.”

“Hey, hey, let’s put out our cigarettes then.” Umeji crushed his cigarette against the grass, and the rest of the blonds followed. “I’ll stop smoking around ya, Boss. Take care of yourself and all that.”

They all murmured in agreement, “Yeah, yeah, he’s right, Boss, gotta take care of your health, damn straight…”

Their leader smiled in gratitude but it quickly faded. It still bothered her how heavily they smoked for no reason except just to be like her. Maybe if she really quit then they would also follow in her footsteps. “Listen, y’all. I’m not gonna be here after school today, alright? Go get some food without me. I’m going to be visiting my old man at the hospital.”

“Seriously?” Hokuto exclaimed. “Ya really want to, Boss? If I were you, I’d let that guy rot away by himself.”

“Yeah, I know. But…” Osoro ran her fingers through her hair. Her throat was dry. She wanted to smoke so fucking badly. “He’s still my dad… He’s all I got, after all.”

“You got us, Boss!” Gaku said in a shout. 

Osoro cracked a smile. “Yeah, I’ve got you guys. But it ain’t right of me to just leave him there.”

“You want us to walk you there?” Hayanari proposed. “He won’t try any funny business with you if we’re around there.”

“He’s not gonna do anything. The man’s laying in a hospital bed right now, I doubt he can even get up. And you don’t have to come with me, Megami’s taking me there in her limo or something.”

“Eh? The Student President?” Umeji furrowed his eyebrows. He didn’t like the sound of her one bit, or anyone on the student council for that matter. “When were you two so buddy-buddy with each other?”

That was a good question. Osoro wondered when they went from being rivals to being close friends. It only seemed like yesterday they were arguing with each other, yet here they were, telling each other some of their deepest thoughts. “You know how she is. She’s got a bleeding heart for people going through shit, ‘cause she’s the Student President and it’s her duty to care for her classmates or whatever,” she quoted mockingly.

“She’s trying to reform you, I bet.” Umeji shoved his hands in his pockets. “She’s gonna get all close with ya, and then her influence is gonna convert you into one of ‘em self righteous goody two shoe pricks. You watch out, Boss.”

He clenched his fists secretly. In reality, he was scared. Scared that Megami was going to take Osoro away from him. This was the girl who changed his life. He idolized her. Who knows where he would be if she hadn’t showed up that one day? Dead, maybe, with the rest of the boys. If Osoro was no longer the person he was trying to be, then who would he be? 

“That’s not gonna happen, I promise,” Osoro chuckled. “She’s not who you think she is. If I start preaching some self-righteous, holier-than-thou shit, I’m giving you full permission to tell me to shut the fuck up. Anyways, the bell’s about to ring. I’m gonna go back now to drop off some homework for Rikitake. Get to class, got it?”

“See ya later then, Boss,” Umeji said. The other delinquents gave a small salute as she walked back into the buildings. 

Osoro sighed as she entered the hallways. Students steered clear of her path. Some covered their mouth with their hands and whispered into the ears of their friends when they saw her pass by. Hopefully she didn’t smell too much like smoke. No teacher would believe it if she tried to claim that her friends had been smoking but not her.

She was about to turn the corner when she heard a voice call out to her.

“You. Come here.”

The blonde paused. She knew that voice from a mile away. Fucking Aoi Ryugoku, the one council member she absolutely could not stand.

As much as they hated each other, they were very much two sides of the same coin. Their roles could have very easily been swapped. Both were known for their physical prowess and frightening manners, and everyone had different stories to share about them. Some people said that Aoi was also another troublemaker in the past and Megami was the one who changed her. Some said she lost her eye in a fight against someone. Some said it was Megami who had taken her eye from the fight. But they were all rumors, rumors, rumors…

“Ugh. What the fuck do you want?” Osoro growled as she spun around. 

Aoi Ryugoku was at the end of the hall, hands still in her pockets. “I said to come here,” she commanded.

Osoro glared at her, unmoving. She didn’t take orders from anybody on the council. Except Megami.

“If you don’t come here, I will force you.”

“Ugh, fine .” Osoro rolled her eyes and went to her slowly, dragging her feet. Aoi had a bite bigger than her bark, she knew that from experience. If Aoi said she was going to do something, she was going to do it, and Osoro wasn’t about to test her. “Am I in trouble?”

“No.” Though Aoi was shorter than Osoro, she had the presence of a giant. “Look. I know you’ve been with Megami a lot lately. Don’t think it’s gone unnoticed. I know she’s been talking with you. I don’t know why, and it’s not my business to know why. But this is my warning to you, Shidesu. If you do anything to her, I’ll make sure you will pay sevenfold.”

What the hell is this girl on about? Osoro tilted her head, and their eyes locked with each other in a stand off.  “You think I’m really trying shit with her? You should be asking her if you think I’m doing anything. Get off my case, man.”

“Megami believes in the good of everyone. Even if someone were to hurt her, she would forgive them and give them a second chance. She has a pure heart. I don’t want that to be taken advantage of.”

Osoro grit her teeth. Was that what it looked like? A delinquent causing trouble for the beloved class president? Aoi was always assuming the worst of her but this rubbed her the wrong way. 

“I didn’t even do anything,” the blonde muttered.

“I didn’t say you did. All I’m saying is I have my eye on you.” She poked Osoro hard in the chest, unknowingly digging into a bruise which made Osoro’s eye twitch. “What Megami is kind enough to look over, I am not.”

The blonde swatted her hand away. She was starting to get mad. “You already said that, you pirate ass bitch. And I already said I ain’t doing anything. I never was.”

Aoi was not amused by that insult. “Hm. Get to class, Shidesu.” 

“That’s what I was about to fucking do,” she growled and passed Aoi, bumping her shoulder hard. 

From the moment they met, they had never gotten along. It always god damn Aoi , it was always her giving her the hardest time. Osoro could stand Kuroko. Though Kuroko was the strictest amongst the five, she never did anything more than push up those glasses and give out warnings and slips. Akane was bearable too. Her smile and suspiciously gentle reminders creeped Osoro out sometimes, but she’d never had issues with her. Osoro stayed away from Shiromi as much as she could. Something about that white haired girl threw her off even though they’d never interacted all that much, but Osoro trusted her gut instincts and avoided her.

Megami’s bloodhound, the delinquents called her. No matter how much they hid, Aoi would always track them down and drag them to the counselor’s office, no prior warnings given. She had a nose for smelling trouble miles away. 

When the final bell rang, Osoro went to the parking lot. Like Megami had promised, a limousine was parked in front. It was long, black, and sleek, polished to the point where you could see your reflection, a large white Saikou Corp logo on the side. Megami was already there, chatting with a middle aged man with graying hair. He was wearing a business suit with a Saikou Corp logo on his front pocket. When Megami saw Osoro, she motioned for her to come over.

“This is my butler, Mr. Miura,” Megami introduced as he opened the door for them. “He’s looked after me since I was born.”

Her butler bowed. “Good afternoon, Ms. Shidesu.”

“Uh. Good afternoon.” Osoro stiffly bowed a little. She didn’t know how to react to being treated so formally. 

“It will be a ten minute drive at most, if traffic is good. I’ll get the engine started right now.” Mr. Miura sat in the driver’s seat and Megami took her seat.

Osoro was about to walk straight in the limo before Megami warned her, “Watch out. The limousine floor is a lot taller than it seems. You have to take a large step to get up. Here.” 

Megami offered her hand, which Osoro took. The President helped her up to the limousine, using a little too much strength, and Osoro stumbled forward at her grip. 

“Sorry!” Megami exclaimed. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to pull you,” Megami quickly apologized as Osoro sat down. “You’re a lot lighter than you look.”

The blonde rubbed her hand awkwardly. “You’re a lot stronger than you look.”

“I thought you would have a really strong grip so I just… I used a bit more force. Sorry,” she apologized again.

“It’s alright. Tell you the truth, I actually don’t weigh as much as I should for someone my size.” Osoro scooted back and relaxed into the cushioned seats. “You know I smoke. I’ve been tryna cut back, but I stop feeling hungry whenever I smoke. You can figure I never really ate all that much. Besides that, I lose my appetite a lot. Most of my weight probably comes from being muscular."

Megami crossed her legs. “I wish you would take care of yourself more.” I would do it for you.

Mr. Miura closed the passenger door for them before returning to his seat again. The car had been started and was prepared to go. There was a glass divider between the driver’s seat and the passengers, as was custom to most limousines. He slid it open and asked, “Are we ready to leave?”

“Yes. Thank you, Mr. Miura,” Megami answered.

He began pulling out of the parking lot and spoke up again, “By the way, I prepared some drinks in the mini fridge, if you two want any. There’s water, tea, soda, juice, you name it. All non-alcoholic, of course.”

“Mini fridge?” Osoro asked. Megami pointed at a small black box under the glass divider and the blonde opened the fridge door in astonishment. “What the fuck?” The blonde paused, realizing the divider was still open and the butler could hear her. “Shit. Sorry. I mean. Uh. What the heck?”

Mr. Miura let out a hearty laugh and waved his hand. “No worries, Ms. Shidesu. I’m not a stickler for manners.”

“So… fuck is allowed?” Osoro asked hesitantly, and Megami couldn’t help but smile. It was funny to see the delinquent try to contain herself so awkwardly. She couldn’t blame her, after all. Megami had grown up learning these courtesies and formalities. This was probably Osoro’s first time being in the world of professionalism. 

“Of course,” Mr. Miura said. “If it’s still weird cursing around me, you can slide the door close for privacy.”

Osoro slid the window shut and peered her head into the fridge again. She grabbed a can of sparkling water and popped the lid open. Her eyes darted around the limousine’s interior, glancing at the large speakers, the sunroof, the lights on the floors. Megami watched her in amusement. She was like a cat exploring a new environment, poking her head curiously around in every crook and nanny.

“Your butler’s a cool guy.” Osoro took her first sip and coughed at the fizziness. “This shit is so fancy. This is like the type of stuff Presidents ride in, isn’t it? Is that a TV?”

“Yes,” Megami said. “The remote is under you if you want to watch anything. But we’ll be arriving soon, so in my opinion, it’s not worth opening the TV right now.”

“Do you watch it on longer rides then?” Osoro stared at the can’s wrapper. It wasn’t any name brand that Osoro recognized from the supermarket. So fucking bougie. “I wonder what type of stuff you watch. I bet it’s something boring like a history documentary.”

“I watch the news, mainly.”

Osoro made a face. “Lame.”

“It’s important for me to pay special attention to the stock market, considering how Saikou Corp is always on it. Otherwise when I’m in here, I’m busy preparing myself for whatever event I have coming up. See?”

Megami pressed a button on the side of her seat, and a mirror slowly unfolded from her arm rest. Then she pulled out another drawer under her with a bunch of beauty products. Osoro’s mouth dropped in surprise. A small chunk of this car was probably worth more than everything she had ever owned.

“I fix my hair, do my makeup, whatever I need. There’s a button for a mirror on your side too.”

“I’ll pass. I don’t like staring at my reflection for too long. Makes me feel like Narcissus and his little reflection he can’t stop staring at.”

Megami laughed lightly. “Is that so? You’re afraid you’re going to become like a Greek myth?” She pressed the button again and the mirror folded back into her arm rest. “I think it’s nice that appearances don’t matter to you. There’s an air of genuineness to that. I wish I didn’t have to keep up my looks so much every single day.”

Osoro smiled drily. “Yeah nah. I don’t know. I don’t like looking at mirrors all that much.” Her lips twitched. “I guess whenever I do, I see him . My dad, y’know?”

Oh . The air suddenly grew thick, and Megami stayed quiet to let Osoro talk.

“And… It kinda pisses me off. Makes me feel a little sick, even. He’s the furthest thing I want to be. I can’t change my appearance either. Even if I dye my hair, I’ll always be blonde underneath. Even if I wear loads of makeup, the moment I wipe my face, it’s still me underneath. I carry him with me. I can’t get rid of that part of me, and I hate it.”

Megami had to say something at this moment. Hearing Osoro’s cracked and quiet voice when she got all serious made her heart twist. She glanced at the divider, making sure it was shut and Mr. Miura couldn’t hear and she cleared her throat.

“I get it. You know, I’m the splitting image of my father. Oftentimes I wish I wasn’t. If someone sees me, they know one hundred percent without a doubt that I’m his daughter. It’s not a terrible thing in itself… But it makes me feel like I was created in some sort of factory, like I was a robot modeled after my father, created to do his bidding. I don’t even know who I am but a Saikou anymore. I’ve lived so long in my family’s legacy that I don’t know who I am without it. You ask me to talk about myself without mentioning my family, and I would be speechless. It has been engraved in me since I was born.”

“Family. It’s always family isn’t it.” The blonde scratched the bandaid on her cheek, eyes trembling. “I think about it sometimes, that image of a perfect family. A dad and a mom. Maybe two kids, living in a suburban house in upper middle class Japan.” Her grip on the can of sparkling water tightened a bit. “It’s always been nothing more than a pipe dream. Always out of reach.”

“Do you think you want that sort of life? Marrying and settling down to have kids?”

“I don’t know,” Osoro sighed, lifting the can to her lips again. “It’d be nice, I guess. But I think I’m too broken for that. The only parenting I’ve ever experienced was from my dad and I don’t want to put someone else through that pain.” 

“We’re not our fathers.” Megami folded her arms and stared at Osoro, who was uneasily looking at the limousine floor.. “We’re more than the ones who raised us, as long as we take care not to be like them. That’s what I believe. You’re a good person, Osoro. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“My dad’s… as shitty as he seems, he’s alright when he’s not drunk,” she defended weakly. “I know it seems kinda unlikely, but he can be good sometimes.”

“That does not make up for what he does when he is drunk,” Megami said. She didn’t like how Osoro played off the abuse so lightly. She had to get it through her head. “That will never justify his actions.”

Osoro bit her lip. She was right. Like always. “And your dad. Is he justified because you’re his inheritor or something?”

“My father doesn’t hurt me,” Megami insisted.

“But he’s been kinda forcing you into this whole thing the moment you could breathe. Ain’t that kinda messed up? And I’ve heard real bad rumors about shit that goes on in your family, too. Like that girl… Saisho Saikou’s daughter.”

“My aunt?” Megami’s heart skipped a beat. This was what she had been searching for, and here it was being presented to her on a nice plate. “What have you heard?”

“Ah, maybe I shouldn’t…” Osoro stopped herself. “You’re her niece after all…” Osoro had no idea what her friend’s relationship was to the mystery. It could’ve been a really sensitive topic for all she knew. 

“Please. It’s important to me.”

“If ya say so. I’m not sayin’ I believe all of it,” Osoro spoke slowly. “But I’ve heard someone say that she got assassinated by a hitman hired by your family, some crazy shit like that. Like her disappearance was planned the moment she said she wanted to back out. I guess what I’m tryna say is, everyone thinks her disappearance is suspicious.”

Megami held her breath. She knew her family had done questionable things in the past. Though they had publicly denied any accusation, everybody knew Saikou Corp wasn’t afraid to get their hands dirty. But assassination? Would they really go as far as murder? Even that was hard to swallow… but it wasn’t impossible, Megami admitted. She concentrated hard, thinking of any possible way she could get information on this. 

There was one person she could think of, but Megami wanted to avoid her if possible. An infamous student at Akademi, known as the ultimate information broker. If you wanted to know anything about anyone, you would go to her. No one knew her name or what she looked like, so students called her “Info-Chan”. 

Her presence hadn’t gone unnoticed by Akademi staff. The headmaster and her father had a meeting to decide what to do with her. The discussion went on for awhile before they reached an agreement. They would keep Info-Chan around because there was no point expelling her. A person of her skills would merely continue her black market one way or the other. It was simple - If you couldn’t get rid of something completely, you would let it stay and keep it in check. They would allow Info-Chan to exist so they could keep her on a leash and under control.

Osoro noticed how Megami tensed up at the mention. “Like I said, these are just rumors. People talk, y’know? When dramatic stuff like that happens, everyone’s quick to jump to conclusions.”

“I don’t actually know what happened either, if I’m being honest. Bringing up my aunt in front of family is a major taboo. As far as my family is concerned, she never existed.”

“Weird.” Osoro took a long sip and finished up the rest of her drink. “Aren’t you curious?”

“Wouldn’t anyone?” The President uncrossed her legs and looked out the window. “I intend to find out what really happened to her soon.”

“How’re you gonna go about doing that? It’d be hard, I’d imagine. You get caught, and I bet that’d end up real badly for ya.”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And I have connections. There’s one person who might have information I need… I’ll just have to be extremely careful when dealing with them.”

Osoro tilted her head in confusion, but decided not to ask anymore. Not like she would understand, anyways.

-----

When Osoro entered her father’s hospital room and saw him look up, a rush of anxiety surged through her and she took a shaky breath. Nothing was going to happen, she reminded herself. She was just there to see how he was doing. He had been sober since his stomach was pumped, and his violent tendencies had left him since then. 

Her father was sitting up on the hospital bed with a magazine in his hand. He looked a bit better from last time. Color had returned to his face and his eyes were bright and alive, no longer glossy. 

“How ya holding up, kid?” He asked.

I can’t even sleep at night because of you . “Ms. Kunahito’s been taking care of me. So okay, I guess.”

“Your counselor right? That’s good. I’m happy someone can look out for you. How was school?”

This felt wrong to Osoro. He was acting so casually. So… normal. “Got a lot of stuff to do since I’ve been out for a few days. It’s the same old shit.”

He scratched his growing stubble in thought. It’d been a while since he caught up with his daughter. “You still getting tutored? I’ve never been that good at reading either, to be honest.” 

“Sometimes. My grades are fine. It’s my behavior that the teacher wants me to improve.”

He smiled. “To hell with good behavior. You know that saying, the nail that sticks out gets hammered down ? I’ve always felt like it was bullshit. When I was your age, I never took shit from my teachers either. I’d fight back with them all the time. It’d get real crazy too, I’d go like-” he raised a fist above his head, and Osoro flinched hard.

At that moment, her father understood. His own daughter was terrified of him. He lowered his hand slowly and looked at her. 

“Osoro.” His voice dropped into a low and serious manner. “Do you hate me?”

“Hm?” It came out almost as a whimper.

“Do you hate me?”

“What’s with this question?” She asked nervously.

“Just answer it. Do you hate me?”

Osoro shifted her eyes away to the floor and went quiet. Her father saw the bandage on her cheek, and the fluorescent lights made her faded bruises obvious. He felt the shame creep into him and what a cruel person he had become.

“I don’t know,” she finally responded after thinking for a bit. “I guess not really. Even after all this time, I don’t hate you as much as I probably should.”

“You’ve got a good heart, kid. I hated my own parents with all my guts. You ever wanna fight me back?”

“I think about it sometimes. Then I don’t.”

“Why not, eh?”

“‘Cuz you’re twice my size?” And there was the fact that Osoro just physically couldn’t bring herself to do it. She just couldn’t.

“That’s true. You’re only as tall as your mother.”

“Hey, that’s still pretty tall. I’m one of the tallest girls in my class.” Not the tallest though. That title belonged to Megami.

“You know, you look a lot like her. Your mother, I mean.”

That made Osoro pause. “I’ve always thought I looked like you.”

He smiled a bit. “Maybe that’s a little true. But trust me, it’s not me you look like. It’s your mother. I swear, when you smile it’s almost uncanny.”

“I honestly don’t really remember but… If you say so.”

He sighed and tossed his magazine aside. “Sit down, kid. Let me tell you about her.”

Osoro set down her backpack and sat down on the chair next to him. It was rare for her father to open up about her mother, and she had always wondered in the back of her mind who that woman was.

“I’ll be straight with you," he said. "It’s hard for me to talk about her, even after these fourteen, fifteen years. I always run away from that topic. But I think it’s important for you to know who gave birth to you. Take a look in my wallet. It’s on the stand.”

She opened his wallet. There was a photograph in the bottom pocket. It was her dad and her mom, around their early twenties. The names “Saki and Ryuji” were scribbled on the bottom in their handwriting. They looked young and happy, two blondes grinning brightly. Her mother was holding her, and she was only a few months old in the photo. Her father had an arm around her mother’s shoulder, and he was smiling too. He was actually shaven and his hair was cut clean. He actually looked nice, for once.

“Your mother loved you with her entire being. If there’s anything to remember about her, it’s that she loved you. She probably feels like a stranger to you, eh? You were only one and a half, maybe a little older, when she passed. You were too young, way too young,” he murmured. “But you’re like her in so many ways, more than you’ll ever be able to comprehend. You have her eyes, kid. Beautiful eyes. And her smile, too. She had a pretty smile.”

Osoro took a closer look at her mom. The woman had long blonde hair that reached past her shoulders and a foxy grin. Osoro was unmistakably her daughter.  Her father was right. They shared the same eye color, same eyebrows, same nose. Same smile… Well, Osoro didn’t smile enough to know. The more Osoro stared at the photo, the more she saw the resemblance. Maybe she didn’t really look like her father after all…

“You see, me and her - We didn’t come from good families,” he explained. “Both my parents were drinkin’ themselves to death every night. My own dad was always lookin’ for a reason to beat the shit outta me since I was always getting into trouble and getting bad grades. Saki - Your mom, I mean, her parents were real bitches to her too. They’d do some real messed up shit to her… I’m not gonna get into it, but maybe it’s a good thing I never had the chance to meet them because I think I would’ve been in prison by now.”

So that’s why Osoro had never seen her grandparents. They were real shitty. Maybe their parents were mean to them too. It was generation after generation, cycle after cycle. But I can’t forget he’s also as much of an asshole to me.

“We fell into bad crowds. That’s how we met, actually. We were both leaders of our stupid high school delinquent gangs. Your mother was one of ‘em sukebans . That’s what made me like her so much, I think. She wasn’t scared to stand her ground and get in your face if you were disrespecting her. I saw her put grown men in their places. She could kick my ass if she wanted to. It was her toughness I loved, y’know? That ‘I don’t give a fuck what you think about me’ mentality.”

“Did she ever kick your ass?”

“Heh.” He grinned fondly. “Not just once. I’ve got a lot of wild stories about my youth I can tell you some other time. Let me just get to the point. Your mother… All she really wanted was a family she could call her own. To feel love and give it. She swore an oath and promised she would never end up like her parents. When we got kinda serious about being together and starting a family, we figured we had to leave our gangs if we wanted to change.”

“That must have taken balls. They punish you pretty badly for that, don’t they? I’ve heard some real brutal stories.” 

“You’re right, kid, it ain’t a joke. Our parents didn’t really care if we were alive or rotting in a ditch, but leaving a gang, man… Well, they’re not gonna kill you or anything. Even that’s a little too far. But still, they do some pretty crazy stuff. Slash your face with razors maybe. Or they’ll chain you to the back of a motorcycle and speed down the road.” He squinted at her. “You’re not in a gang, right?”

“Nah. A lot of people think so because my friends like to follow me around, but we ain’t a gang. I’ve gotten into trouble with them though. There’s this one gang in Shisuta that has major beef with me ever since they challenged me and lost in front of the whole school. They’re just a buncha of fucking sore losers.”

“Oh yeah,” her father laughed in remembrance. “I remember that. Your counselor met up with me to discuss it but I was drunk outta my mind and didn’t care. You didn’t get suspended since it happened outside the campus, so in my books, it’s all good, eh? Man…” He rubbed his face. “I sound like such a crappy parent encouraging fights like that. If your mother was here, she would scold you for putting yourself in such a dangerous situation. But I think she would secretly be proud you won.”

“I guess it runs in the blood, doesn’t it?”

“You know, she was so worried about ending up like her own parents that she was constantly reading those parenting books and signing up for parenting classes. You probably don’t remember any of it. During bedtime, she would hold you in her arms every night until you fell asleep. There was this one phrase she would sing… ‘ It’s you I’ve waited my life to see’ (1).”

It was so fucking cheesy, Osoro could feel her insides churning. That type of loving parent she’d always longed for wasn’t a dream. It had been her reality for a little bit. In another universe where her mother lived, she could’ve had that taste of what she thought normal looked like. It had been so close. If only, if only . 

“To her… You were a new beginning. By being the best mother in the world, she would be spitting in her own parents’ face. She never wanted to leave your side for a moment because our own parents weren’t ever around to care about us. She was trying to give you the childhood she didn’t have, you get it? Because you were there, she could leave the past behind. And she would’ve given you the entire world if you asked for it.”

Osoro’s fingernails dug into her palm, knuckles whitening. So why didn’t he do it? Why couldn’t he have tried these past years? 

Her father saw her pained expression and winced. “I’m sorry, kid. I know I’ve hurt you. The first few years I tried really hard to keep it together, and for a moment I thought I could do it. But I guess I haven’t changed as much as I thought I have. I never should have touched alcohol knowing what my parents were like." He sighed. "I honestly would feel better if you hated me. I’m not asking you to forgive me right now… But I’m gonna do my best and turn things around. They want me to go to rehab. And I’m gonna do just that.”

The girl inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. Breathe in and out. In and out. Calm down. Her heart was jumping around. “Give me time,” her voice cracked out. “Maybe I’ll forgive you someday. But I can’t do it right now. I just can’t.” She took one more deep breath. “You know… Ms. Kunahito wants me to go to therapy. I told her I’d do it too.”

“Therapy? You got mental issues or some shit?”

“No. Well. Kind of. Not like that. I’m just.” She hesitated, fingers clenching at her uniform skirt. “You said it yourself, man. You hurt me. A lot. And that’s fucking up my mind really badly. Ms. Kunahito can explain it better. I think she’s going to come talk to you later today.”

He looked up at the ceiling. His daughter was going to therapy because of him. Fuck. He’d really fucked up. What was that counselor going to say when she visited? 

A sigh left him. “Okay. I’ll talk with her. And this whole therapy thing - If it helps you heal from this, I think it’s great. Go for it. When I get out of rehab, I’ll make it up to you. Here. Take some cash from my wallet and get yourself something to eat.”

A small smile spread on Osoro’s lips. He used to do the same thing when she was a kid - Hand her a few dollars so she could buy a snack from the convenience store. It was her dad she remembered and loved with that same child like innocence. For a moment, she wanted to just forgive him and move past this. Skipping over the process of healing and just forgetting about it all like it never even happened seemed way easier.

But scars don’t go away, of course, just like that nurse Kumiko told her. They may fade over time, but they would always be there as a reminder of the past. It wasn’t so simple as forgetting. Osoro had tried, but these past few days of being at home had made it very clear to her that it wasn’t so easy to let go of what happened to her.

She left the hospital room and went to the balcony, looking over the city and all the people walking back and forth on the streets. A cigarette would have been nice right about now, but she chewed a piece of gum instead. The cravings made her head hurt. It would be worth it if she could just push through them though, she thought. It wasn’t the physical benefits she was thinking about. It was that sense of control over her life she wanted. Those cancer sticks had a chokehold on her and her thoughts, Megami made that clear to see. So she continued chewing and chewing and thinking over things.

Her father was an entirely different man when he was sober. What if he didn’t recover? What if he came out of rehab only to fail and for him to get violent again? This moment would have just become a painful memory, as if she got to peek into a possible life before it got snatched up again by the cruel world.

The thought of that made her feel sick, and by habit she reached into her pocket. There was an old crumpled cigarette but no lighter. She raised the stick to her arm, over the bandages covering the old burn scars, and it hovered there for a moment. She thought about it sometimes, but she knew she could never bring herself to do it. That didn’t stop her father from doing it though. 

Osoro threw away the cigarette. Her gaze returned to the city. It was like watching an ant farm, hundreds of individuals with their own thoughts and things to do. From the balcony, she could see it all from a distance, but the moment she left the hospital, she would become an ant too. Another creature with her own things to worry about, drifting back and forth, just another part of a greater system. 

-----

When Megami walked down the halls of the hospital, there was only one thing on her mind - How she was going to find her aunt. It had to be Info-Chan, Megami concluded. She hated the idea of having anything to do with her, but there was no one else. Anyone with ties to the Saikou family would become a liability. Info-Chan wouldn’t expose her as long as Megami made a deal with her. As dubious as she was, Info-Chan was reliable when it came to information and held up her deals.

Some nurses and doctors bowed when Megami passed by, and she gave small nods in return. Her grandfather’s room was the one down the hall. It was the biggest they had in the hospital, and the most adorned. A doctor or a nurse was always in the room tending to him, tracking his vitals and conditions on the monitors. They had made sure the healthcare practitioners were being paid extra to put Saisho Saikou in priority above all other patients.

From the moment she entered the room, she put on a fake polite smile. Right now, she was a Saikou. A representative of the Saikou family. Anything besides that was unimportant. Her grandfather was laying on the bed with many tubes coming out of his body, and hooked to a ventilator. There was a doctor entering data into a computer, and two businessmen paying their respects.

Her entrance caused all of them to turn around and bow deeply at her sight. 

“Good afternoon, Ms. Saikou,” the doctor greeted.

“Good afternoon,” she responded.

“We are terribly sorry to hear about your grandfather, Ms. Saikou,” one of the businessmen said. “He is a strong man. He will certainly pull through and recover.”

It was fake and Megami knew it. They were kissing up to her for show. Building up a close relationship with business partners was essential in the corporate world, and this was their way of showing it. “Thank you for your wishes. They are valued,” she acknowledged. “Doctor, how is he doing?”

“No change from your last visit, Ms. Saikou,” the doctor shook his head lightly. “He hasn’t been responding to the medication, so we’re thinking about switching to another one if nothing changes over next week.”

“Your efforts are deeply appreciated and will be rewarded, regardless of what happens. May I get closer to him?”

“Of course, just don’t move any of the tubes.”

Megami approached Saisho Saikou slowly, and a burst of emotions came forth, though not sad ones. She had to get something off her chest. “I am sorry to inconvenience you all,” she looked up, “but if it is possible, I would like to speak to my grandfather alone.”

“As you wish, Ms. Saikou.” The men all left, their hearts moved by Megami’s seeming love for her grandfather.

The silver eyed girl took a seat next to the former Patriarch of the Saikou family and got a good look at him.

Her grandfather used to hold so much authority and power, even when he was sitting in a wheelchair. His presence would command the attention of everyone in the room. It felt like he could have conquered the whole world from that wheelchair, even though he was in his nineties and his vigor was slowly leaving him.

But here he was. He looked bad. Terrible . Like some tiny creature with a fatal wound, skinny and little and only getting skinnier and littler. His pasty white arms were plugged in with IV tubes and whatever medicine they were pumping him in with.

He was going to die soon, Megami knew it when she saw his eyes. The light of life was slowly fading away from them. His weak body was like an old house that had been emptied and was waiting for its final demolition. 

“Grandfather.” She scooted closer. “Can you hear me?”

There was only the faintest sign of recognition in his eyes.

“Does it hurt being alive? Has existence become a burden?” Megami asked in a quiet voice. “You were once the most powerful man in Japan. Some would say you still are. You have the respect of everyone around you. There is no denying the impact you have left behind. I respect you for that, Grandfather, but for that much only. Your legacy you are passing on is tainted with the blood of others. I remember being a child and hearing you say that quote - ‘ It is blood which moves the wheels of history ’ (2). It was then I knew what type of person you were, to be quoting a dictator so proudly.”

She watched her grandfather, looking for a reaction. His eyes were half open, staring at the ceiling, chest rising and falling slowly as the ventilator forced him to breathe.

“Saikou Corp has been accused of terrible things. Talks of blackmail… corruption… eugenics . You know them all, I’m sure. Rumors… No, let us not lie to ourselves. They are not rumors, are they? Everybody knows the truth. Did you ever once think about the pain you have caused other people? Or was it all some sort of game to you?”

There was no response, of course. What was he even able to do but lay there and breathe?

“Ichiko Saikou. Does that name bring back any memories?”

Something in his eyes flickered. He couldn’t move his face, but it was all in his eyes. It was very subtle, but Megami saw it. 

“That’s right,” Megami continued, her voice growing. “I know her name. You’ve tried hard to keep it from me, and I bet you expected to never hear that name ever again.” Her eyes glanced at the monitor, seeing his heart rate go up by a little bit. He could hear her, he could understand her. “I think about the pain she went through, the sufferings you put her under merely because she wasn’t living up to your expectations. I wonder what you’ve done to her. The optimist in me wants to believe you’ve done nothing, but I know better.”

His fingers twitched just a little bit.

“Don’t you ever think about her sometimes? Don’t you ever wonder how she’s doing?” Megami clenched the railings of his bed. “How could you so easily cast aside your own daughter? Actually, no. I don’t find that hard to believe. I bet you would cast me aside just as easily if I were to do the same thing.”

Then his lips opened. He couldn’t speak, the ventilator prevented that, but Megami could see the words he was forming.

Who… told…

“No one. The sins of your past have come back to haunt you. And I will find out once and for all what you are trying to hide.” She leaned in. “You can’t even stop me. That’s the best part. Even if by some miracle you live, I could just deny this conversation ever happened.”

By then, his heart rate started jumping up and his eyes were fully open, glaring at her. As a child, Megami would have feared him and begged for his forgiveness, but she was no child anymore. She stood over him, and she was not afraid.

“You are a cruel man, Saisho Saikou. If there exists an afterlife, have fun rotting away in hell.”

She pressed the red call button and spoke into the microphone. “Hello, Doctor? My grandfather’s heart rate has suddenly spiked. The monitors are making concerning noises.”

Doctors and nurses dropped whatever they had going on and came piling into the room, rushing to Saisho Saikou. 

“Sir? Sir! Get him off of that, I need some midazolam in here! I need you to stay still, sir!” Intense voices called out to him as the doctors worked as fast as they could.

Megami stood at the doorway. Her grandfather was trying to sit up, reaching out as if he was about to try to grab Megami before she could leave. The doctors were pushing him down, preventing him from leaving. She was free, and he was chained to the bed. 

She left the room, a grin breaking on her face. How terrible was it of her to be laughing at her grandfather’s anger, yet she felt not a single bit of guilt for it. He could have died at that moment if she had pushed him just a little harder, but she could not care less. She pushed the door open to the balcony, where her blonde friend was standing.

“Yo,” Osoro greeted, watching her come up to the balcony railing next to her. “You look happy.”

“I basically just told my grandfather to go to hell,” Megami smiled broadly. “And I feel great.”

Osoro let out a laugh in disbelief. “No way, man. You’re spending too much time with me. The Megami I know would have never said that.”

“I meant it. I really did. It was exhilarating. I got him so mad that the doctors came in and had to pump him full of anti-anxiety medication.” Megami gripped the railing and breathed an unrestrained long sigh. She turned to her friend. “How’s your father?”

“Better. He’s going into rehab after he gets discharged.”

“And he didn’t say anything to you, did he?”

“No... I've thought about it some more. I don’t think I’m ready to forgive him. I want to, when he’s being all nice to me, but I just can’t do it even if I want to. Maybe someday.” She scratched the back of her head and let out a breath. “In the end, he’ll always be my dad. Blood is thicker than water, or whatever the saying is.”

“That’s actually not the full saying. It’s ‘blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb’.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“It means that the bonds we make with other people are stronger than the ones we have with our family.”

Osoro repeated that in her head. “Hm. That’s something to think about.” She pulled out another stick of gum. The two stood there quietly, watching the business of the city. “It’s weird, isn’t it?” She remarked. “This world is so small ‘till it ain’t. You can almost see the entire city from this balcony. Thousands of houses… each person in every single of ‘em has got a life of their own. I can’t stop watching it. It’s like being hypnotized.”

“Yes, tens of thousands of houses. Hundreds of thousands of people, even.” Megami glanced at Osoro. “Yet our lives managed to intersect, somehow. If you were born a few weeks later, you would probably be a first year student. If you scored just a bit lower on the entrance exams, you might have not been in Akademi High. You could have been that person walking down the street, and I could have been watching you from this balcony without a single thought as to who you might be. But you aren’t. You’re standing next to me. Life is built on coincidences, don’t you think?”

“I’ve never seen it like that, to be honest. I think we met because we were supposed to meet. If we hadn’t met then, we would have met somewhere else sometime.”

“You’re a believer in fate, I presume?”

Osoro shrugged. “Sure.”

“I’m much more partial to believing that we have the power to change fate. It makes more sense to me that we have control over our destinies. If I chose to be someone else, I can do it.”

“Rationally, fate makes no sense. The universe, destiny, God… Whatever you want to call it. If we want to be smart and think really hard about it and study it from every angle, then there’s no way we can wrap our heads around it. It’s impossible. Illogical. Unscientific. But I’ve also never seen it like that,” Osoro said. “The idea of it is perfectly clear to me. It’s only confusing if you believe it has to make sense.”

-----

It was late at night when Ms. Kunahito went to see Osoro’s father. From the few meetings they’ve had, he had always been unpleasant to talk to. Intoxicated, rude, hard to work with. The counselor had prepared herself to deal with that same irresponsible drunk, but to her surprise, he was nothing like she remembered.

“Mr. Shidesu,” she greeted with a small bow. “I’m Genka Kunahito, Akademi High’s counselor.”

“Oh. You’re the one taking care of Osoro, right?” He sat straight up and quickly ran his fingers through his hair, trying to make himself more presentable. “You have my thanks for that.”

“Yes, I am her guardian as you might recall.” She set down her bag and took a seat. “I came here to talk to you about her.”

“Alright, let’s get it out of the way. I know I’m a real shit - Sorry, a bad parent. I’m not gonna try to pretend I’m not. I know I hurt Osoro when I’m drunk, and I’ve got a drinking problem. I fully admit it.”

Ms. Kunahito straightened her glasses. She hadn’t been expecting him to get straight into it so quickly. She was planning to confront him and list out all the evidence she had collected, but he wasn’t even defending himself. “Then… I just have to ask… why ? Mr. Shidesu, you are clearly capable of being self-aware of your own actions. Why would you hurt your own daughter like that?”

He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to think of how to respond. “You know, Ms. Kunahito. I used to be a pretty notorious delinquent when I was young. My parents were pretty terrible to me too. I didn’t… I don’t know how to be a good father, I never had anyone to look up to. There was no one there for me either growing up. Osoro’s mother knew how to be good. I was still learning when she died. I tried and I failed.”

The counselor folded her arms coldly. She could feel pity for the man, but he garnered no sympathy from her. Too many times had she seen the girl walk in with those grab-mark bruises and new cigarette burns. Osoro was a child , for god’s sake. It didn’t matter what the reasons were. There was nothing more she wanted than to slap him hard in the face. “Mr. Shidesu, this is a very serious matter. You can be arrested for this, do you understand that?”

The blond gripped his bed sheets. “I… I know.”

“If Child Protective Services is called, they will remove Osoro from your custody and put her into mine. The evidence of physical abuse is too obvious.”

“CPS?” He swallowed. That was serious, even he knew. Losing his daughter was way too much. She was all he had left, and he was all she had. 

“The only reason why I haven’t called them already is because Osoro has expressed how much she doesn’t want that to happen. She… She still speaks favorably of you, even after all the things she has been through. She’s said before that she doesn’t feel in danger when you aren’t drunk. I will admit, I can tell you are a lot different when you are not under the influence too," she said slowly. "I’m willing to make an agreement with you.”

The man stirred a bit in his bed, listening closely. Ms. Kunahito pushed up her glasses and continued. “You will enter rehab and get sober, and stay sober. I’ve worked in counseling outside of school before, I know addiction isn’t easy to overcome. But there are absolutely no compromises on this, do you understand? Remember, I am Osoro’s legal guardian. If I see a single bruise or mark on her, I will not hesitate to take action immediately.”

Osoro’s father stuck out his hand. “Deal,” he said. “I’ll do it.”

Ms. Kunahito was taken aback by how quick he was to respond. It was suspicious. Perhaps he didn’t know what he was promising. She shook his hand carefully. “I’m glad to see your eagerness, but staying sober is a big commitment. It’s not something that can be taken lightly.”

“I know and I’m serious about it. I drank myself to death once, I won’t do it again. The universe gave me another chance to live so I can make up for my mistakes, and I’m gonna get another. I’m gonna stay sober because she’s my kid. I love her.”

“Then show it.” 

They released their grip from each other. Ms. Kunahito collected her bag and stood up to leave. “I hope the next time I see you, you’ll be clean, Mr. Shidesu. For the sake of your child and for yourself.”

Ms. Kunahito gave him a small nod as she exited the room. She could only hope that he would fulfill the agreement. Was this the right move? Should she have just called the authorities? At the very least, she could ensure Osoro’s safety for the next few weeks while her father would be getting treatment. And then she could start working with Osoro on therapy. There was a long road of recovery ahead for the girl, but with time and patience, there was light on the other side. It would be tough and difficult, especially from someone as hard headed as Osoro, but Ms. Kunahito was ready for her. All that was left was for Osoro to finally open herself fully to her.

Chapter Text

It seemed to Megami everywhere she looked, there was something wrong. 

Her eyes had been unclouded and she saw nothing but the truth and its clarity. There was an evilness, a corruption in Saikou Corp, something that had been planted by her grandfather and grown into an untouchable beast over the years. She had seen glimpses of it before, here and there, but it was clear now. The illusion was completely shattered, the mask peeled back to reveal the dirtiness and ugliness. And when Megami saw this darkness in its fullness, she saw it in everything.

It was not only in her grandfather, who wore immorality like a suit of armor and believed it would protect him. She could see it in her father too. He knew what happened to his sister, didn’t he? So why didn’t he share the same anger? Why didn’t he care about putting a stop to all the scandals and accusations? It wasn’t just him either - She could see it in everyone who chose to turn a blind eye to everything. Even herself. All this time, living under her family’s power and going along with whatever she was told. That seed of darkness was being planted in her by her own family.

But Megami was good , and she could not make peace with that darkness running in her blood. Where everyone else was content with it, she could not let it continue existing. She had to destroy it. The more it sat in her, the more her heart kindled. She would not be her father. She would not be her grandfather. Something had to be done. 

Megami knew she had to start with her aunt. Everything else would unfold from there. She had figured out back in the hospital that she had go to Info-Chan if she wanted to find any information. Anyone from her family was an obvious no. Asking any of her friends to help her dig up old school records would get them into trouble. But if she made a deal with Info-Chan by herself, no one involved, then she would be the only one to take the repercussions. 

The next step was actually reaching out to Info-Chan. It wasn’t an easy task for a normal student - But Megami wasn’t a normal student. She knew things that even teachers didn’t know. There was one person she knew that had contact with Info-Chan, and even better, they were on the Student Council.

She dialed a number on her phone. Texting would leave paper trails, and discussing this in-person would be asking for more trouble. Calling would have to do for now. Within two rings, the phone picked up. 

“Megami? ” 

“Hello, Shiromi.”

There was a rustle on the other end. “Oh, it’s actually you. What’s up, President?”

“I need your assistance on a matter.”

“My assistance specifically?”

“It involves… Info-Chan. The information broker at our school.”

A slight pause, as if Shiromi was caught off guard by the name. “What about her?”

“I know you’ve been acquainted with her in the past. I’ve heard if I wanted to reach out to Info-Chan, you could get me in contact with her.”

“...Yeah. I do know her,” Shiromi responded hesitantly. “But it’s not as simple as a phone call.”

“Can you tell me how?”

There was another large pause before Shiromi answered, “ Megami. I respect you, so I’m gonna tell you this straight up. I don’t know what you’re looking for, but this is a bad idea, period. Info-Chan’s not someone you want to talk to. What is this for, anyways? You know if you need information about someone, I can find it for you somehow. ”

Part of the reason why she picked Shiromi to be part of the Student Council was because of how eager she was to get her hands dirty. Most people had thought Shiromi had been an odd choice for Student Council, but Megami knew how powerful the girl could be behind the scenes. She could never ask someone like Kuroko or Akane to do this. Aoi would be more than willing, but Megami felt wrong sending her best friend to do dirty work. It had to be Shiromi. Someone with as many connections as her was a valuable asset. 

“I appreciate the offer, Shiromi, really," Megami smiled. "But this is something I don’t want you to get involved with, for the sake of your safety.”

Those words intrigued the Treasurer. “Are you up to something dangerous, Ms. President? ” 

Megami could hear her grinning through her phone. Though she trusted Shiromi to an extent, she picked her words carefully around her. “It doesn’t have to do with anyone in this school. I’m afraid that’s all I can tell you. If I ask you to do too much, you may end up holding some responsibility in this situation. If something were to ever go wrong, I don’t want you to have to be at fault.”

“Hm … Alright. Privacy. I get it. ” 

One thing that made Megami wary of Shiromi was just how socially perceptive she was. With that one hesitation, she knew that Shiromi had figured out something - That Megami was in a tight spot, desperate enough to turn to questionable methods, and whatever situation it was, it had the potential to become dangerous. And Shiromi wanted to know more, that was obvious, but she knew her place and wouldn’t ask anymore.

“Thank you. And I trust that you will not tell anyone else, right?” That was a pointless question to ask. Shiromi probably wouldn’t tell anyone unless she had something to gain from it. Otherwise she liked to collect secrets and store them inside her. To her, secrets weren’t only something to trade with one another. They gave her a sense of power, knowing the deepest, intimate parts without the people themselves knowing.

“Of course, of course. You can trust me, ” Shiromi chuckled. “And you’re very sure you want to do this? You’re making a deal with the devil here.” 

“I’m sure.”

“Okay, then. Listen closely, now. Here’s what you’re gonna do. I’m gonna give you a burner phone at school tomorrow after our morning meeting. It’s going to be a pretty crummy flip phone, the ones you’d find like twenty years ago, none of that fancy Saikou Corp business you can track. It has 30 minutes worth of talking time ‘cause it’s prepaid, alright? There’s gonna be a number on the contacts list. Call it. State your name, and it’ll go on from there. After you’re done, destroy the phone. Does that sound good? ”

“Understood.”

“And Megami. If you try backing her into a corner, she’ll turn back on you. I’m telling you right now - Don’t make an enemy out of her, Megami. Seriously. She knows too much about everything and she’s not scared of using that against you.”

“I will be careful, you have my word for that. In any case this goes wrong somehow, I will take full responsibility for my actions.”

“As long as you understand what you’re getting yourself into. Is that all you needed?”

“Yes. You won’t have to do anything else for me from here on out.”

“Good luck with whatever this whole thing is. ”

The phone call ended and Megami let out a tense breath. This was a risky idea. She hated taking risks. Thinking about all the ways this could end made her feel a pit in her stomach. Trusting Info-Chan with anything was a stupid idea, even if she usually held up her side of deals. That girl could easily leak out what Megami was looking for. She could easily have Megami under her control and manipulate her with blackmail. Her father could find out what she was looking for, and that would be the end of her.

But Megami had already made her declaration in front of her grandfather. She had it in her, that sense of rebellion that she didn’t know existed, that courage to stand up to someone she once feared, the gall to tell a sick and dying old man to rot in hell. She wanted to destroy everything and rebuild it. Megami could not back down now. 

Returning to school after that phone call made her uneasy. During her morning council meeting, it felt as if every word would get stuck in her mouth and she had to forcefully push them out. Everytime her eyes met with Shiromi, she quickly looked away. All of the feelings of doubt and hesitation were piling on top of her chest and having to pretend like everything was normal felt suffocating.

When the meeting ended and they went their separate ways to their classes, Shiromi stayed behind. Megami’s heart thudded against her chest. Here it was. 

“Hey, Megami. Want some cookies?” The girl grinned and held out a plastic ziploc loaded with inconspicuous looking brown cookies.

“Cookies? I thought-”

For a split second, Shiromi’s eyes darted to the corner of the room, and Megami understood. Security cameras. The burner phone would probably be inside the bag. 

“How kind of you,” Megami played along. “Is there an occasion?”

“Cooking club was giving a few samples of their new recipe. I bagged a few for everyone on the council.”

“I see. Thank you, Shiromi.”

“Anytime, President.” Shiromi threw her arms behind her head and walked off, whistling a tune, leaving Megami slightly stunned at how casual Shriomi could act. She shouldn’t have been surprised, anyways. It was probably an average day for that girl, making shady dealings where no one was watching.

While Megami walked down the hallway, she took out the cellphone and quickly slipped it in her pocket. She entered the classroom and took her seat next to Osoro, the bag of cookies catching the blonde’s interest.

“Are those cookies?” Osoro lifted her head from the desk. Her black eye was almost faded, faint traces of light yellow and purple still there in a light ring. Almost gone, but not yet. Megami could see a few white bandages poking out of her uniform. Pain relief patches. 

“Yes. The cooking club is trying out a new recipe and they wanted to give a few out for some sampling. Would you like one?”

“I’m down.” Megami handed over one of the cookies. It was a plain sugar cookie, no frosting or decorations. She wondered where Shiromi had even gotten these. The President watched Osoro take a bite and she smiled as the blonde devoured the snack hungrily.

“These ain’t bad,” Osoro said with her mouth half full. “Though I’m hungry and I think everything tastes good when I’m hungry.”

“Did you not eat breakfast?”

“No.” She wiped her mouth.

“Why not? It’s not very good to skip meals, especially if you don’t eat a lot in the first place.”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Osoro said quickly, sensing the concern rising in Megami. “I woke up late and was almost late to school today so I skipped breakfast. That’s it, really.”

“Was it because you couldn’t fall asleep again?”

Osoro ran her fingers through her hair a little nervously. How could Megami tell so easily? Were her eye circles really that bad? “Yeah. Whatever, it’s nothing to worry about.”

Megami pursed her lips. Osoro had been home by herself ever since her father had first been admitted to the hospital. How badly she wished she could be there to make sure she was taking care of herself. She placed the ziploc on Osoro’s desk. “Take the rest of the bag. I’m not going to eat it.”

“You sure?” She asked hesitantly. “They’re really not all that bad. You don’t have to give me the whole thing.”

“It’s okay,” Megami reassured. “I’ve had one already. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth.”

“Well… Alright, then.” She took another cookie and ate it more slowly. 

“Just make sure to put that away when the bell rings. Ms. Rikitake doesn’t like food in her classroom.” 

Osoro nodded in response and Megami couldn’t hide her smile. Reforming Osoro used to seem like it would be near impossible. A year ago, Osoro would have rolled her eyes and flipped her off or ate cookies in class on purpose just to annoy her, but here she was, actually being obedient. All it had taken was an understanding, a mutual respect formed between the two. Perhaps the boys who followed her would also try to be like her.

The most important thing to do was fixing that wound in Osoro’s heart and everything else would follow, Megami believed. She had already made the first few steps; Opening her heart and seeing what was inside. Now all that remained was mending it. But that wasn’t something Megami could do by herself, not when she had all her own things going on. She entrusted that process to Ms. Kunahito. The counselor knew the best in this situation - She was a professional, trained for these cases. 

“Have you been meeting with Ms. Kunahito?” Megami asked.

“Yeah. I’m starting the therapy thing she wants after first period.”

“That’s great. I’m really happy for you, Osoro.”

“I promised I’d give it a shot, after all. And honestly, Megami, I should be thanking you. If you never called Ms. Kunahito to my house that night to come check on me, I don’t think I’d ever have agreed to anything.”

“I can’t stand watching you get hurt knowing that I can do something to stop that. I never want to let that happen to you ever again.” The moment she said that, she felt her cheeks get warm. Osoro stared at her for a moment, light brown eyes studying and reading her.

“Megami,” Osoro said slowly. “Do you feel responsible for me?”

Responsible? What was that supposed to mean? She felt responsible, sure. She always felt responsible for her wellbeing. That wasn’t what she meant though, was it? It was a genuine and relatively simple question that shouldn’t have been hard to answer. Megami could feel the warmness in her cheeks spread to her ears as she searched for a response. It was more complicated than a yes.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand the question. Of course I feel responsible for you. You’re my friend.”

“No, I mean like… Like…” Osoro struggled to find the words. She meant it in the way Ms. Kunahito cared for her. A deep sort of care that went beyond responsibility or duty. …Love? That wasn’t what love was, Osoro thought. That wasn’t the love she had ever known. Yet there was nothing that came to her mind. “Ah, whatever. Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

“Alright. Put that away, I’m going to start the morning routine.”

“Whatever you say, Ms. President.” Osoro shoved the bag of cookies under her desk. 

Megami stood up as soon as the morning bell rang for class to begin. “Everyone, please rise…”

--------

“Before we start, Osoro, I just want to say I’m very proud of you for coming in. I know it’s not easy. Therapy is uncomfortable and it can be distressing to think about what you’ve been through, but it’s necessary. We must address and tackle those problems instead of just avoiding them. That being said, it’ll only work if you let it work, does that make sense?”

“I guess.” Osoro was sitting in a cushioned chair across from Ms. Kunahito, legs crossed and arms folded. She kept her gaze low, avoiding eye contact. The counselor was right, it was uncomfortable. The two had many talks in the past, but now that Osoro was willing to tell her more, the mood had shifted. Ms. Kunahito wasn’t just an annoying counselor nagging at her - Her role had grown into something much more. She was a responsible older female figure that pushed Osoro on the right path, even when the girl resisted as hard as she could. She filled an empty spot in Osoro’s life that Osoro didn’t even realize she had. 

“That means I need you to be transparent with me. Hiding things won’t help. You know that nothing will leave this room, not without your consent. I know it can be hard for you to trust people, but I’m asking you now more than ever to place your trust in me.”

Osoro glanced at her, then quickly went back to gazing at the floor. In all her life, Ms. Kunahito had been the only adult that had ever shown so much care for her. “I trust you.” 

“Of course, I’m not expecting you to tell me everything about yourself right from the beginning. Normally with my clients I’ll have to spend a bit getting to know them, but I’ve gotten to know you for a while now, so we have a good base to start on.”

“Ms. Kunahito,” Osoro stared at the stack of psychology textbooks on the bookshelf. “You’ve got a PhD and everything, right? What are you doing being a counselor at a high school? I bet you made way more money as an actual therapist.”

“I won’t deny that’s true. Being in that field can be quite lucrative,” Ms. Kunahito admitted. “But it’s never been about money for me. My mother was the school counselor at Akademi High before me, did you know? I always looked up to her. She was my biggest inspiration.” Her eyes brushed over a small framed photo of her and her mother that sat on her desk. “My doctorate was specialized in developmental psychology, and quite a large part of that included the impact of trauma. Working in a clinical setting with general clients is great and all, but I found that I liked working with kids like you. It felt the most rewarding. That’s what I had spent so much of my time studying, after all, and I loved it the most.”

“I’m not a kid,” Osoro muttered, fingers gripping tight on her arm.

“You are a kid, Osoro. And that’s okay.”

“How can I be a kid?” Osoro said bitterly. “I never got to be one. I had to grow up and face reality by the time most kids were learning their multiplication tables.” 

Ms. Kunahito paused for a moment. They were diving into this a lot faster than she had expected. That was a good thing, though. It was a good sign that Osoro wasn’t going to hold back. “Perhaps we should start from there, then. What do you think?”

Osoro finally looked up at her and their eyes met. “So what, do I just tell you everything?”

“I’ll explain everything we do along the way if it helps you understand it better. We’re going to be doing something called cognitive behavioral therapy. It sounds fancy, but it’s not complicated at its core. We’re going to talk. Just talk. You’ll do most of it. And I’m going to help you recognize your own thought patterns and how that’s affecting you,” Ms. Kunahito explained. “And there will be moments where you will want to stop talking or even break down. That’s completely natural. I have tissues here if you ever need to cry. This is a safe space, remember that. You can let everything out.”

“Thanks,” Osoro responded. “But I’m not much of a crier.”

“Crying’s actually very healthy for us. It releases a bunch of chemicals and lets your brain ease itself. I think crying should be normalized in our society, honestly.”

“It’s not so much that I hold back crying.” Osoro uncrossed her legs. “I just can’t seem to do it. I can feel it piling up inside me and sometimes it feels like it’s about to spill out, but it just never does.”

“Do you think you suppress your emotions?”

There it was. Osoro could immediately sense that Ms. Kunahito was trying to dig deeper into her thoughts, and she took a moment to think. “I guess? I don’t think I do it on purpose. It’s like I cried out all my tears as a kid. Crying never changed anything and I figured that out real quickly, so I just stopped.”

“So let’s go back to the beginning, then. It seems like a lot of things stem from there.”

“The beginning… like, when I was born? Should I start with my parents?”

“Anywhere you want. Recalling the past helps us make connections to the present.”

“Uh…” Osoro ran her fingers through her hair. “Well. Both my parents were delinquents. They didn’t come from much. According to my dad, their own parents were really shitty to them so they were always out there raising hell. Pissed off at everything in their lives. Taking it out on things around them. You know how it is.”

Ms. Kunahito nodded encouragingly. 

“My mom was a good person. She wanted to have a family of her own, but she wanted to do it right,” Osoro recalled from what her father told her. “She loved me a lot. Went the extra mile to make sure she wouldn’t end up like her own parents, took parenting classes and all that shit. I was too young to really remember any of it. But she died a few years after because of me.”

The counselor tilted her head. “And why do you think she died because of you?”

“It was because of birth complications or something. I fought my way out of the womb and she paid the price. Death pays for life. It’s my fault she died.”

“ Is it your fault?” Ms. Kunahito questioned.

“I mean, yeah, right? I weakened her heart. I’ve been hurting people around me since I was born.”

Ms. Kunahito frowned. “Was it something you could control, though?”

“No… but… that doesn’t change the fact that I caused it.”

“What you’re doing right now is called personalization. Dealing with guilt is difficult to overcome. It’s a very internal feeling. You’re blaming yourself for something completely out of your control. You can see how this can lead to negative self-perception, right?” She leaned back in her chair and folded her arms. “Let’s try something. Acknowledge the thought first. You feel responsible for your mother’s passing, yes? Identify and explore the thought. Ask yourself if you’re in control here. Are you?”

“...I guess not. No one chooses to be born. I don’t think my mom would blame me for it.”

“It’s hard to separate yourself from an incident and the guilt associated with it. But if you’re not in control, then there is no blame that can be made. Keep that in mind,” Ms. Kunahito said. “Why don’t you tell me what happened after your mother passed?”

Osoro sighed, rubbing her neck. “I think that’s when my dad started drinking. I was really young so I didn’t think too hard about it. It wasn’t too bad at first, I think. I can remember him trying to be a good parent. I remember him taking me out to eat. Going to parks together. Him helping me do my homework.”

“So would you say you were happy during that time?”

“Maybe happy isn’t the right word. Innocent. I was innocent.” Osoro’s hands moved towards the side of her chair and she looked up at the ceiling, trying to remember. “I’m probably forgetting things. Looking back, he was probably depressed over my mom dying but he didn’t wanna show it to me. Kept drinking and drinking ‘cuz he had no idea what to do with himself.”

Ms. Kunahito stared at her for a bit, digesting those words, then she straightened herself. “I’m going to get into something a bit harder to talk about. Is that okay?”

Osoro swallowed. She knew what was coming. “Yeah.”

“Let me know if it gets too much. We can always take a break.” Ms. Kunahito moved forward in her chair. “Your father. Do you remember when he started abusing you?”

Osoro froze at that word. Abuse. She couldn’t hide from it, no matter how much she hated that word. Megami said it, and now Ms. Kunahito was saying it too. It was no longer just a word but it had become the truth. She couldn’t look away from it. 

Ms. Kunahito studied her nervous reaction closely. “Remember, nothing will leave this room.”

“Um.” The blonde swallowed again. “I remember the first time.” She cleared her throat. The shaky nauseous feeling was creeping its way up her chest again. “I was eight, I think. I came home from school and he was laying on the couch, drunk outta his mind. And it started from there. Every time he got drunk and he saw me, he’d… y’know. It’s kinda weird though. I know it happened a lot. But I can’t remember a lot of it except the ones that got really bad. Sometimes it feels like it didn’t happen.”

“But you know for sure it happened.”

“I do, but I wish I didn’t.” Osoro's nails dug into her palm, throat tightening. “I’d rather just forget about everything. That’s honestly why I picked up smoking. Thinking about it makes me so fucking stressed. I’ve been working on quitting and all, but every time I think about all that shit, I want to pick up a lighter again.”

“We often try to forget about the things that have happened to us. It’s a coping mechanism. A survival trait we’ve developed to survive. It helps you get through things at first, but it’s bad for us in the long run. I’ve talked to you about this before, right?”

“Yeah, the whole ticking time bomb thing or whatever.”

“I know it’s hard. But we have to revisit them and process them to the point where you can understand what happened to you. We can’t encourage the suppression of trauma.”

Osoro closed her eyes, hands nervously gripping the folds of her uniform. She took a breath, calming herself down. “I don’t know. It kinda just feels like a jumbled mess in my head. It’s like looking at a grainy video. I can kinda remember the sounds. The smell of cigarettes. I remember how bad it hurt. Nothing else, and I don’t want to remember anything more.”

“Okay. That’s okay. We don’t have to get to that right now if you’re not ready. Just know that we’ll have to come back to it at some point,” the counselor said. Judging from Osoro’s response, it was too soon to jump to that topic. “After he hurts you, how do you feel? Angry? Frustrated?”

“Of course I get pissed.” Osoro blinked fast. “It makes my blood boil. I'm pissed at my dad. Pissed at myself too.”

“Why do you think you get angry at yourself?”

“It's like... I could stop it. I could fight back and stop getting my ass beat so hard, yet I don’t.”

“So you don’t like fighting back your father when he’s hurting you. What do you think is stopping you?”

“‘Cuz he’s my dad. When I see him, I think back to when he wasn’t constantly drunk. When he still felt like an actual dad. If I hurt him, I’m hurting the same person who took care of me as a kid.” She looked at her hands. “I almost feel like I deserve it, honestly.”

Ms. Kunahito narrowed her eyes, listening very carefully. “And why is that?”

“I took my mom away from him. I’m the reason why he became a drunk. When he takes his anger out on me, I can’t even blame him that much. I’m a fuckin’ delinquent. Always getting into trouble, getting into fights, getting suspended. Like, hell, I get it. Everything’s just been building up since I was born and it’s all just coming back to me.” 

“Hm.” Ms. Kunahito straightened her glasses. “You don’t hate your father for what he does to you because you think it’s some sort of… debt you’re paying?”

“Debt. I guess that’s a way to put it. Maybe that’s why I don’t hate him. I feel like I fucked up his life so that makes it okay for him to beat me.”

“It sounds like a lot of this stems from internalized guilt. Remember what I said about personalization? Let’s explore this thought. You think it’s okay to be hurt since you’re responsible for your father’s alcoholism. Do you think abuse can be justified?”

“I know it’s not. But I don’t know how else it’s supposed to be. All I’ve seen is when people get angry, they use violence. That’s how I learned it. That’s how I’ve experienced it. It seems natural to me.”

“Were you in control of your father’s choice to abuse you?”

“If I was, then I wouldn’t have to be here, would I?” Osoro bitterly smiled. “For the longest time, I believed my dad loved me. I really did. Even when there were times I was about to pass out from getting beat, I held on to that belief. I think in my heart I was just in denial. Someone… Well, Megami , Megami told me something. She said there was no fear in love and then I started realizing things. When I was talking to my dad in the hospital and he told me he loved me, I thought my head was about to split.”

“We are all responsible for our own actions, Osoro. Even adults. He made an active decision to hurt you. Just because he’s your father doesn’t give him the right. Abuse is never okay. Never . It might seem normal to you, but it’s not. What Megami told you was right. Love never involves hurting someone. It never involves making someone feel scared.”

“What the fuck is love anyways?” Osoro muttered. “Love ain’t this, love ain’t that. Then what is it?”

“We experience many different forms of love in our lives. Did you know in Ancient Greece there were six words for love? Agape , a spiritual and godly love. Eros , the romantic love you might be familiar with. Philia, the love between friends. Storge , the love between a parent and child. Philautia , self-love. Xenia , the concept of hospitality, love for strangers. Love isn’t so simple, you see. There are so many sides to it. You said your mother loved you, right? What about her makes you say she loved you?”

“Well, she would do stuff like sing me to sleep as a baby. I think that’s a pretty big show of love, right?”

“She showed it through her actions, then. And if your father hurts you, isn’t that an action too?”

“...Yeah. I guess it is,” Osoro said slowly, chewing the words in her mouth.

“You will never be at fault for what happened. Even if it doesn’t feel that way now. But once you start understanding that, then it will become a lot easier to handle the rest.”

“Ms. Kunahito.” Her mouth quivered for a second before she brought it under control. She wasn’t going to lose it - not here, not now. “If I keep doing this, will my problems go away?”

“Those problems you deal with. Restlessness, nightmares, irritation, flashbacks… They’re physical manifestations of internal problems. We have to deal with those internal problems first or else those problems aren’t going to go away. Therapy isn’t some automatic cure. It’s hard work and you have to put in the effort by yourself. Showing up here and coming to realizations is good, but what really matters is what you do when you’re not here with me. Change starts from yourself. If you go home and don’t put anything into practice, then it becomes very hard to make progress.”

Osoro leaned into the palm of her hand. This was going to be a lot harder than she thought.

--------

“My name is… Megami Saikou,” she spoke quietly into the flip phone.

“Megami Saikou,” the voice repeated. “You’re Megami Saikou?”

“Yes.”

There was a soft amused laughter that made Megami wince. What was she getting herself into? How foolish was she, standing next to the incinerator, arms folded and shoulders hunched as if she was taking a business call. She took a deep breath, recollecting herself. Coming off nervous or intimidating would be a poor move. She had to present herself as the one in control here.

“I never expected someone like you to come to me,” the voice said. It was certainly a girl, but Megami did not recognize her voice. “But if the Student President has come to me herself, then this must be something good.” It almost felt like she was taunting Megami. “Come, come. Ask. I have all the information you could want.”

“I need information on someone not in Akademi High,” Megami spoke carefully. “Is that possible?”

“Anything is possible.”

“How can I trust that there will be confidentiality?”

“You can’t. All you have is my word to trust in. But if you’ve come to me, that means you’re desperate, yes?”

Someone like Info-Chan calling her desperate. Megami’s grip tightened on her phone and she reminded herself to stay calm. “My options are limited, simply put. Whoever gets involved is at risk of danger. I need you to absolutely promise that this will remain a secret. No one else can know. Unless you can make that guarantee, this deal is off. And I know that you want to know what I’m looking for.” 

“Hm. Yes, I am curious what the Megami Saikou could possibly want from me.” There was a short pause and the voice sighed. “Fine. Very well. I will make an exception for you. No one will be able to buy your information. I will not sell it to anyone either, no matter the price offered. But once again, I have nothing to offer you as collateral, only my word. And I am many things, but I am not a liar. Is that enough for you?”

It was far from enough for Megami. If it were up to her, she would ensure this was absolutely fool proof. There had to be some sort of way to make sure this would never backfire on her. But was she even in a place to demand anymore? She needed Info-Chan more than Info-Chan needed her.

“Here’s the information I seek,” Megami answered. “It has to do with someone in my family. My aunt. The daughter of Saisho Saikou.”

“Your aunt…” A chuckle rose from the phone. “Yes. Ichiko Saikou. I see now.”

“I need all the information I can get on her.”

“I can give you what you desire. But there is a price to pay, Megami Saikou.”

“Name it.”

“A picture of a girl’s panti-”

“Absolutely not,” Megami cut her off, biting back her anger. “I will never take advantage of my classmates in such a disgusting manner.”

“This is my rate,” the voice snapped back. “It has always been my rate. Everyone who has ever come to me has paid that price. What makes you think you’re above the rest?”

“It seems that I must remind you that your presence is only tolerated by my family’s approval. We could easily have you removed.”

“Do you think I'm scared of you?” the voice challenged back coldly, “Your threats mean nothing to me. Your family keeps me here for a reason. I cannot give away information so freely, even to you, Megami Saikou. This information in particular.”

Think. Think. Think. Megami racked her brain. Info-Chan had her cornered and she had to stay on top of the bargain. “Name another price,” Megami demanded.

“Then you name a price, since you’re so insistent on doing things your own way.”

“Money,” Megami offered. It was the least of her issues and the easiest for her to give up. “I will pay however much you want.”

There was a long silence. Megami held her breath the entire time. It was a game of dominance now. Being the first one to break the silence would show she wasn’t in control of the situation. As she waited, she suddenly realized how absurd this was, to be arguing with Info-Chan and making demands. And most surprisingly, she was scared. 

Megami was scared of very few things. It was the result of growing up in a family like hers. Any fear or hesitation towards something she once had as a child was dissipated because when her father found out, he would force her to overcome it immediately. Nervous around dogs? Her father took her to an animal shelter and made her spend a night there. Scared of heights? She went rock climbing until her legs no longer shook and her fingers were raw with pain. Afraid of drowning the ocean? Go swimming in it until she could move as gracefully as a whale in the water. 

The last time she felt hesitation was when she really first started talking with Osoro seriously. The blonde always made her feel so unsure of what to do and what to say. That one took a bit of time and patience to overcome. But here it was again - That unfamiliar feeling of uncertainty and worry building up in her, no matter how hard she was trying to shove it down. What if Info-Chan said no? Then what? What could she possibly offer?

But after what felt like hours, Info-Chan conceded. “One hundred million yen. (1) That’s my price and nothing less.”

That was a lot of money, but even Megami knew that Info-Chan was just taking advantage as much as she could. Money was power. Everyone knew that. She couldn’t blame her. “Deal. In monthly payments of one million yen for a total of eight years. If I were to pay a large number up front, it would cause suspicion.”

“I will have a way for you to wire money out of your bank account without it causing suspicion. And one more thing. You will be indebted to me.”

“In debt to you of what? More money?”

“One day in the future I will call upon you to do a favor for me. It could be next month. It could be a year. It could be ten years. But you own me.”

The idea of being in debt to Info-Chan made Megami’s skin crawl. “You could tell me what you want right now. It would be easier for me to make sure I can give it to you.”

“You are more useful in the future than as of now. You are going places, Megami Saikou. I want to be there when you’re at the top.”

But what if I won’t ? Making this deal would mean she had to, then. What if Info-Chan asked something grand of her and she wasn’t able to repay it if she wasn’t a CEO? There was no doubt that Info-Chan would bring hell upon her if she couldn’t pay off her debt. 

“What are the consequences if I do not fulfill my side of this deal?”

“Let’s not worry about that. You will hold up your end, one way or the other. I’ll make sure of it.”

That phrase made Megami pause. She could turn back. It would be so easy. Just say she changed her mind and call everything off. Then she could go on with her life, never having to worry about who she owned. Let her fear win and gain back control of herself. 

But… she couldn’t leave Ichiko Saikou behind. Calling everything off meant she would never get to know her. She couldn’t abandon the girl everyone else had forgotten about. And even if Ichiko was no longer alive, she had to know for herself what had happened. 

Megami stood there, palms sweating, head spinning with indecisiveness. Her brain told her this was stupid. This was a mistake, it was a bad idea, she should have never done this. There would be no way of escaping this, no way to take this back. Yet that feeling inside of her, that urge to be good . She couldn’t back down. She couldn’t let this continue any further. If she didn’t go out and find the truth for herself, it would never come to her.

“I accept. Now tell me everything you know about Ichiko Saikou.”

“I won’t tell you over the phone. Information can be easily forgotten if you keep it with a human mind, and it will be impossible to ask me any more questions once your time is up. When the final bell rings and all classes have ended, go to your locker. A folder with all her files I can access will be there. That way you can make sure I have given you everything I know.”

Smart. She could respect Info-Chan enough for considering that. A deal was a deal, after all. “Then can you at least answer one question for me right now?”

“Go ahead.”

“Is Ichiko Saikou still alive?”

“Yes. She lives.”

Megami’s mouth went dry. She’s alive. Ichiko Saikou is alive. Her heart quickened with excitement. She could find her. She could meet her, talk with her. “Where is she right now?”

“It will all be in the folder, Megami Saikou. Her official legal documents… Current residency, tax records, phone bills, citizenship, ID. Anything I can access, I give to you.”

Through the excitement coursing through her, a thought came to her.How exactly did Info-Chan find any of this? How much could Info-Chan find about her ?

“Is that all you need from me?” Megami asked.

“That’s all. You know what to do next, yes?”

“Destroy all evidence. I’ll toss this phone into the incinerator after I hang up.”

“Good. It’s been a pleasure working with you, Megami Saikou. We will see each other again one day.”

There was a click at the end and Megami shut the lid of the flip phone. She took a shaky breath then threw the phone into the incinerator, watching it disappear beneath the red and orange flames. There was no more time for thinking about what just happened. The deal was done. Dwelling on what else she could have done was just futile. She had to keep moving forward. No more looking back and thinking about all the alternatives. Stop thinking. 

There was only one more period before the end of the day. She sat down at her desk, rejoining the class when the bell rang. No one questioned her disappearance - It wasn’t unusual for Megami to be gone for a class or two, busy handling whatever important task it was. She had a special privilege, never needing a reason to do anything.

Her eyes darted to Osoro’s empty desk. The blonde should have been with Ms. Kunahito right now, getting the help she needed. Good. Megami was happy for her. But throughout class, her gaze kept returning to the desk. Without Osoro, there was no one to talk to, no one to supervise or explain what was going on, no one to sneak glances at. Suddenly her role as a tutor and role model was irrelevant. In a class full of perfect and brilliant students, there was no need for someone like Megami to keep things in check. Everything was already fine. She felt incomplete without her.

Time had never felt so slow. The teacher droned on and on and all she could think about was the folder that was being delivered to her locker at the moment. Her entire future depended on what was inside.  She wondered who was delivering Info-Chan’s items. Info-Chan herself? No, that was unlikely. 

When the bell rang, she waited until the crowd of students had slowly started disappearing in the locker area, until there were only a few people left. She went towards her locker. It took everything in her to be there, standing in front of that small lock, fingers fumbling for the combination, hands slightly shaking as the locker door swung open with a loud creak. 

The folder was tucked neatly beneath her shoes. It was a plain yellow folder with a few papers in there, not unlike one you would find in an office. Megami held it in her hands, scared to open it. Not here, she told herself. Not at school. She had to do it where there was absolutely no chance of anyone finding it. Anywhere on campus was automatically crossed off the list where there were cameras and listening devices everywhere, even in places she didn’t know. Her house? No… One of their house servants could discover the folder or someone could accidentally bump into her as she was reading it in her room. Reading it while in Mr. Miura’s limousine, where she knew she had privacy? It would have been a good option, but Mr. Miura had told her he didn’t want anything to do with this, and Megami respected him. Maybe she could find a quiet spot in an alleyway, somewhere away from the public where no eyes could see her.

“Yo.” A familiar voice interrupted her thoughts.

She spun around quickly, clutching the folder close to her chest. Osoro stood in front of her, bag slung over her shoulder, hand running through her wild blonde hair. Megami’s heart leaped out of her chest at the sight before she steeled herself quickly, composing herself. 

“O-Osoro. Hey.” Megami straightened herself, regaining her posture. “Are you done talking with Ms. Kunahito?”

“Yeah. I got out not too long ago.” Those light eyes of hers stared at Megami curiously, and Megami could only stare back, hoping her tenseness wasn’t obvious. 

“How was it?” Megami closed her locker door shut and the folder suddenly felt heavier. “Do you think it helped?”

“It felt kinda weird just spouting out all my thoughts to Kunahito. I don’t really like doing that. But I guess I should do it more. Can’t be holding everything inside me all the time. That’s what I learned, at least.”

“I’m happy that you’ve learned that. That honestly takes a lot.” Then something in Megami’s brain clicked. Osoro was the one person she had told her true intentions to. No one else knew what she was intending. Even if her father found out, he had no idea who the delinquent was so there wouldn’t be a large risk of her being tracked down. Osoro was her way out of this. “Are you doing anything right now?”

“Nah, I’m going home. That therapy shit has me tired as hell. Who knew talking could be so draining?”

“Can you come with me?” She grabbed Osoro’s hand, eyes pleading silently.

The blonde’s stare moved down to their hands in surprise. Being grabbed all the sudden still made her feel jumpy, but whenever Megami did it, that usual anxiety that would swallow her wouldn’t come onto her so strongly. 

“Sure?” Whatever it must have been, it was clearly important. Osoro could see it in the intense look.

Megami glanced at the front entrance. Too many students were still lounging around. They would have to go through the back gate, the one only teachers really used. There was only one security camera there, and it had a massive blindspot that could be avoided. She yanked Osoro towards her and walked hurriedly out of campus, dragging her close, making sure no one saw them. 

“H-hey, where are we going?” Osoro sputtered out, trying to keep up with Megami’s pace. Her hand was starting to ache from her grip. 

As if she didn’t hear Osoro, Megami kept walking and walking, weaving through alleyways and small quiet neighborhoods. They only stopped when they were at least a mile away from campus. 

“I need your help,” Megami finally said, her hand still holding onto Osoro’s. 

“My help?” Osoro asked. “You need my help?”

She glanced around once again and her voice dropped into barely above a whisper. Her hands held onto Osoro a little tighter and her mouth came close to her ear. “I’ve received information about my aunt.”

“Oh shit,” Osoro breathed out. “What? How?”

“I went to Info-Chan and she gave me everything she could find.”

“Info-Chan? Are you fucking crazy?” Osoro spat out in disbelief. “You went and made a deal with her?”

Megami quickly hushed Osoro. “Don’t make a commotion. Listen. I know it sounds absurd but I thought it through as much as I could. Info-Chan was the only way I could get information without involving anyone else but myself. I may be putting myself at the greatest risk, I admit, but it’s the safest for everyone else.”

The blonde could only continue staring quietly in disbelief. Megami was being selfless, as usual. Never thinking about herself, only other people. “Okay,” she said quietly. “So what do you need?”

“This folder in my arm - It has all the records, anything you can find about her is all in here. But I can’t open it anywhere near campus. I don’t know who’s watching and who’s listening there. I can’t open it in my house and I can’t do it in public with this many witnesses. I don’t have anyone I can go to but you.” Megami's hand moved to the blonde’s cheek. “I need you right now.”

An intense burning spread through Osoro’s face and she prayed that Megami couldn’t feel it. Oh, how soft her touch was. She wanted to melt under her hand. “Need me to…?”

“Your father isn’t home, right?”

“It’s just me. It’s just been me and it’s gonna be me for a while.”

“Can I open the folder in your house?”

Osoro lightly removed Megami’s hand from her. “Let’s go,” she said softly.

Her neighborhood happened to be relatively close. The two crossed a few roads and passed through a neighborhood or two, and suddenly, there they were. Megami remembered it from the first time she came here to deliver Osoro’s homework. A typical suburb, rows of plain two story houses with flat gray roofs and nicely paved streets. They stopped in front of one of the houses and Osoro unlocked the door.

“I know it ain’t much, honestly,” Osoro pushed the door open. “But it’s what I got.”

“Don’t worry. It’s way more than enough.” Megami followed her into the house. 

She immediately noticed some of the pictures hung up upon the hallway. Small photographs attached to the pinboard of family photos. Her eyes landed on a photo of Osoro as a child, perhaps five or six years old, grinning brightly with her father at some park. Something in Megami’s heart stirred when she saw how happy Osoro was in the photo, innocently grinning. It was such a contrast to the present Osoro, covered with scars and buried in painful memories. Thinking about everything that had happened in between made Megami bite her lip.

“I’ve been cleaning up the house a lot lately. Sorry if it still smells like smoke. I swear the amount of ash in this house is enough to instantly give you lung cancer,” Osoro said. She thought about a place in her house where they could sit. 

Her room? Would that be weird if it was just the two of them there? Plus, her room was kinda lame. There wasn’t much in there besides the absolute bare minimum since she wasn’t at home a lot. Compared to what Megami had, it made her seem borderline homeless. The other bedrooms weren’t much better than hers, either.

Living room?... Osoro pursed her lips. She didn’t like that room. Given the choice, she spent as little time as she could in it as possible. There were small details in the living room that triggered those bad memories - A fairly large dent in the wall from getting shoved too hard, a few cracks here and there from having a bunch of shit thrown at her, the corner of the table being chipped from getting slammed against it. Too many things to remember. She had been hurt there too many times. Staying too long in the living room was painful for her.

But Megami was here with her. She didn’t have to face those memories alone. Osoro released a tense breath. “You wanna open it up in the living room?”

“If it’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, I’m fine with it. Sorry about the dents and shit in the walls. It’s…” Osoro swallowed, eyes blinking fast. “I’ve been meaning to fix it and all, but…”

“You don’t have to explain, Osoro. It’s okay. I just want to open this up.” Megami followed Osoro to the couch and they took a seat next to each other. 

Megami took the papers out of the folder, and Osoro watched her eyes travel up and down the paper, scanning the words faster than Osoro could even finish reading a sentence. 

The first page had a picture of Ichiko Saikou’s passport when she was young and recognizable, and a picture of her after she left. She no longer had the signature Saikou silver hair and eyes, but she had dyed her hair dark black and now had dark colored contact lenses. Yet the facial structure gave it away. The sharpness of the chin, the high yet soft nose bridge, the way the curve of the jaw blended into the neck. It was something only another Saikou could recognize. 

A minute passed before Megami put the papers down.

“What’s it say?” Osoro asked, slouching back into the couch.

“Ichiko Saikou…” Megami folded her arms. “She’s certainly alive and well.”

“For real? Are you serious?”

Megami crossed her legs, collecting her thoughts. “The page in front here shows her old passport information and her new one side by side. She changed her name on legal documents, but it’s her. It’s unmistakable if you compare the pictures side by side. She’s no longer Ichiko Saikou but… Hiromi Yamamoto. A very plain name and a very plain look. Look at this health insurance document under her new name. Would you like to read it with me?”

Osoro glanced at the papers and was immediately greeted with thick paragraphs of characters jumbling together. She squinted real hard at it but it only gave her a headache, and she let out a sigh before giving up. “I would if I could, man. I’m too tired. I can’t read shit when I’m tired. Too much kanji for my brain.”

“It is a government document after all, most of it will be in kanji. I’ll read it to you.”

“Thanks.” Osoro leaned her head back. It was odd - She could normally never relax on the couch. For such a long time, she hated this piece of furniture. It was her father’s normal spot for getting wasted and it had taken her days to clean out all the ash from between the cushions. Yet when it was just her and Megami, she felt her body sinking into the softness of the leather. 

“This is her health insurance card. She goes by Hiromi Yamamoto now,” Megami read. “Forty seven years old, born in 1970, female, date of eligibility is June twentieth, 1991.”

“Date of eligibility in 1991… so she got health insurance right when she turned twenty one, which is the earliest you can get it.”

“Exactly.” It was a good thing Osoro was a quick thinker with numbers, establishing a timeline would be easier. “So this implies she ran away before then, and that implies she left right after graduating from Akademi High. Let’s see what else it says here.” Megami continued, “Name of the head of the household is Daichi Yamamoto. Address, 249-2 Yatsushiro, Kumamoto.” 

“Kumamoto prefecture? Damn, the girl ran across the entire country,” Osoro chuckled.

So that’s where she went. Kumamoto was far from Tokyo prefecture, one of the southernmost prefectures of Japan, almost as south as you could get away from Tokyo, where they were at the moment. But there was a larger question of why Ichiko didn’t flee out of the country and hide somewhere else if her life was in danger? Why stay in Japan? There was certainly something more to the picture.

“Name of insurance provider. Chiyoki Florist.”

“A flower store. That’s a pretty chill job.”

Megami turned to the next page. “Here are her tax records. A lot of it are things we’ve already established from the health insurance documents. Job title, florist. Total annual salary of four million yen before tax. Date of employmentment, June twentieth, 1993. Employer name, Hana Chiyoki.” The next line made her pause. “Dependents who are below sixteen years old. Two.” 

“She even had children, huh? Went from one of the most famous and rich to the most average Japanese citizen. It sounds like she’s basically reintegrated back into society, eh?”

“So…” Megami ran over the facts again. “She’s now Hiromi Yamamoto. She moved to Kumamoto prefecture, presumably after she graduated. To conceal her identity, she also dyed her hair and now wears contacts to the most common color. Right after moving, she found a job as a florist in the town she moved to and has been working there ever since. She is married and has two kids.”

“She’s laying as low as possible. Anyone trying to disappear from the spotlight would blend into the crowd as best as they can. It makes sense.”

Megami flipped to another paper. “There’s a marriage certificate and more information on her husband. He’s a pharmacist in the city who grew up not too far away. But there’s nothing really of importance to note.” She scanned more papers, shuffling them around. “Birth certificates of her children, mortgage payments, utility bills… They’re really just a normal family.”

“Do you think your family knows?” Osoro closed her eyes. She was almost half laying down now. The lack of sleep was taking its toll.

“I assume so. It took Info-Chan mere seconds to find everything. There’s no way my family doesn’t know. It makes me think they’re letting her live in peace as a new person.”

It made Megami slightly relieved to think about. So they hadn’t killed Ichiko; She was actually alive and seemingly doing alright. Saikou Corp wouldn’t stoop as low as killing their own family. They still had morals left. There was a limit they would go to, for if they weren’t above assassination, then they weren't above anything in order to preserve the Saikou name.

“Are you gonna find her now? You know basically everything you need to know, right?”

“It’s not as easy as it seems.” Megami began putting the papers back into the folder. “I have to be very careful in every single action I take. I can’t just show up in front of her house tomorrow. I need an excuse for wanting to buy plane tickets to Okayama of all places.” Megami glanced at the blonde, who was slouching on the couch, ever so relaxed. “Most importantly, I can’t do anything that would put her in danger. If they figure out that Ichiko and I are in contact, they will most surely place the blame on her.”

“Heh. Imagine thinking you left your past behind once and for all, then someone from that past comes knocking on your door. I’d lose my shit.”

That made Megami freeze in her tracks. Osoro was completely right. She could come up with a plan of exactly what to do and how to do it, but none of it mattered if Ichiko didn’t want to even see her in the first place. Ichiko seemed to have moved on from her past. Would Megami showing up ruin that life she had been crafting?

“You're right. Heavens.” Megami held her head in her hands. “I didn't even think about that. I don’t even know if she wants to meet me. I didn’t even consider how she felt. What am I doing? Is this even the right thing to do? How could I be so selfish?”

Osoro opened an eye and watched her curiously. In all these years she has known Megami, she had never seen her so lost. Megami has never doubted herself, never questioned if she was making a mistake. She was always the one giving commands and instructions. She was always the one who was there for Osoro. It was time to return the favor.

“You know what I think, Megami? I think you use your head too much. You gotta go with your gut. Listen to your heart that’s beating inside of you right now. Stop trying to reason out every single possibility, it’s not gonna do you any good. The more you overthink, the more you create problems that don’t even exist in the first place.”

The President looked up at Osoro, slightly taken back by her words. Despite how uncouth she could be, there was a lot of wisdom stored inside her that would come out of nowhere. “Osoro… you…” She sat up again. “You’re right.”

“You’ve got a good head on ya, man, but it thinks too much. When it comes to these tough yes or no questions, go with your heart and not your head. Risks are scary, but they’re never a guarantee of failure, you know?” She said softly. “And if this whole thing doesn’t work out, you can always figure out another way. You of all people can do it. That’s when you can use your head.”

“...Yes. Yes, you’re right.” Megami clenched her fist in determination. “You're right. I’ll write a letter to her first and tell her my intentions ahead of time. That way, she can have time to prepare. I’ll figure out how to get everything arranged soon. But I’ll do it. I’ve made my decision.”

“There you go.” Osoro grinned and rubbed her eyes. “What a headache,” her voice cracked out. "All of this family drama." She stared at the ceiling hazily, hands resting on her stomach. “If it were me, I’d rather take a nap and call it a day. Good thing you’re not me.”

Megami let out a smile. “I wish I could sleep things off. Are you tired? I can leave you alone.”

She was about to stand, but Osoro tugged on the edge of her skirt, stopping her. “Actually…” Osoro mumbled, “Can you stay with me for a little bit?”

Megami stared at the blonde, then sat back down next to her. “Of course. Do you want me to do something for you?”

“Not really…” She said quietly. “I hate being in this room but it feels nicer when you’re here.”

“Nicer?” She asked. Megami surveyed the room, noticing the small cracks and those dents Osoro was talking about earlier. It didn’t take much to figure out that they weren’t just accidents. 

“More comfortable. Safer.” Osoro’s eyes began to close and her voice fell into a murmur. “I was already pretty tired ‘cuz I couldn’t get any sleep last night like usual. I gotta be running on a few hours of sleep right now. And then… the whole therapy thing… It had me thinking pretty hard about everything.”

“I can imagine it’s pretty tiring.”

“I’ve been tired for all of my life, I think.” 

After she said that, her eyelids finally fell, the mess of blonde hair sinking into the couch. Megami gazed at her, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest, the strong jaw relaxing. Osoro never fell asleep in front of someone. The state of being asleep was the most vulnerable. All these years of constantly having to be on alert, never really having a safe place to call home, being unable to trust anyone. All of it finally unraveling with Megami’s presence.

Megami found a blanket nearby and draped it over Osoro. Without thinking, she tucked a strand of Osoro’s hair behind her ear, moving it out of her face. How often was it that Osoro could find enough peace to sleep?

“Sleep well, Osoro,” she whispered. And she took the folder and left the house as quietly as she could.

------

Later that night, Megami began forming her plan. She would buy the plane tickets under the pretenses of surveying a location for their annual class trip. Kumamoto was near the ocean and had quite a few historical landmarks. Her father would probably let that slide. It was a reasonable excuse since it was around that time of the year where the Student Council would start planning for that.

She picked up a pen and started writing.

To Hiromi Yamamoto,

This is not a letter of harmful or deceitful intent by any means, but one of genuine sincerity and amiability. I am your niece, the daughter of your brother. You already know my name, but I would like to make it clear. I am Megami Saikou, and I have longed to meet you. Let no one see this letter, and be certain that no one knows that I have reached out to you. It was necessary that I used physical mail so my activities will not be tracked through my digital footprint. The means I have gone through to find you will hopefully bear witness to my intent to meet you. I do not come as a member of the Saikou family, but as a girl who is lost and seeks your advice. I am in a position that you were once in, and I must come to decisions that will make or break my being. I humbly request to meet you in person.

I understand I am from a life you have left behind so long ago. If you do not wish to return to what is dead to you, I understand completely. But do not send a letter back, so your safety will not be compromised. I will be there in front of your house on April the third, at 2:00 pm and I will ring your doorbell. Answer the door if you wish to receive me. 

Chapter Text

Megami’s meeting with her father went… Surprisingly well, actually. 

She spent way too long pacing in her room, planning and calculating every word, perfecting the best tone to deliver it in. Not too casual or too formal, nothing to suggest that anything was going on. All of this planning, only for the conversation to last a few minutes at most.

“Father.” She stood there in front of him, stiff as a board, like a soldier talking to their general. “I have a request to make.”

Ichiro Saikou sat at his desk, typing away at his computer. The slicked back silver hair, freshly ironed suit and tie. Though Megami was standing in front of him, he didn’t spare a glance. “Be quick. I have a meeting in fifteen minutes.”

“I would like to use the family’s private jet. I am surveying potential class trip locations and Kumamoto prefecture has been suggested as a place of interest.”

“Kumamoto.” He stopped typing for a second and glanced at her with slight confusion. “An odd choice for a class trip. What do they have there besides the ocean and the castle? Volcanoes? Hot springs? I would have imagined going abroad to other countries or even just Okinawa would be more appealing.”

She almost froze there, but she picked herself back up instantly. The more hesitation, the more cause for suspicion. “Yes, I thought so too when it was proposed. But it has garnered enough votes, so we must take it into consideration. Perhaps natural scenery has become more popular these days.”

“Has your mother come back from her public relations trip?”

“Yes, Father. She came back last night. They reached a negotiation over the partnership in our favor.”

“Ever the spokeswoman,” he said, and Megami thought she heard a slight bit of pride in his voice. “If the jet has been refueled, you may use it. How long will your visit last?”

“A day, at most. If the location is favorable, I might take another day to make plans. Certainly no more than that. It is only a class trip, after all.”

“And you have everything prepared for the trip?”

“Yes, Father. I have spoken with my teachers and discussed with the Student Council. I have decided to take this trip alone since it is the most convenient for me, in terms of transportation.” 

“Very well,” he responded. Megami almost let out a relieved sigh for how smoothly this had gone. How simple. How easy. What had she been so afraid of? But then her father continued, “And take Mr. Miura with you.”

Of course. Everything had been going too well. She should have expected something like this to happen. 

Keep your cool, Megami . “Yes, Father. Do you want to check my itinerary?”

“I trust you, Megami.”

She paused. I trust you . He trusted her to do all of this alone. That’s why he was letting her off so easily. Was it right of her to betray his trust like this? No matter. Everything was set in motion. She gave a curt bow and quickly left the room. 

Megami bit her lip. How could she explain this to her butler? Mr. Miura told her to leave him out of this, but he was getting dragged in. Lie? No… He would insist on accompanying her wherever she went, for her safety. It was better to come clean and trust that he would keep the secret. The thought of that made her wince. Her actions were putting someone at risk. It was impossible to take on all of this by herself, Megami knew that. Someone was bound to face getting hurt, but Megami was hoping it would only have to be her. 

When she told Osoro in class where she was going, the blonde gave a wry smile and a salute. 

“Good luck, President,” she said with a stifled yawn. “I’ll be there in spirit.”

“I’ll let you know what happens,” Megami smiled. “And get some sleep, will you?”

Later that day, she walked up to her family’s private jet, staring at the large Saikou logo plastered over the plane’s body. It seemed unreal sometimes. It didn’t feel like she was staring at her last name. Saikou was like some sort of separate entity, something that wasn’t part of her. A few years ago she wouldn’t have thought too much about it, but now there was a disconnect seeing her last name plastered on everything. 

“Ready to leave, Miss Saikou?” Her butler asked. “Your bags are already in the compartment.”

“Let’s do this.” Megami walked up the jet’s small staircase with Mr. Miura trailing behind her. 

The interior of the jet was luxurious. She didn’t use it very often, only for accompanying her father on business trips. It felt a bit too gaudy for her taste to use a private jet unless it was to some place important. There weren’t the typical rows of seats but large and white leather couches that stretched out spaciously. She took a seat next to a window and Mr. Miura sat across from her. Tea was served along with some snacks, and Mr. Miura opened up a newspaper, whistling some tune. 

“Kumamoto, huh?” He said after the plane took off. “What an interesting place to go for a class trip. I don’t get kids these days. Guess I’m just growing old.” 

Megami took a sip of her drink, planning out what to say next. What could she do? She glanced around once to make sure no one else was around. He’s not going to get you in trouble , she reminded herself. He was too nice for that. “Mr. Miura. I have something to confess.”

He put down the newspaper and straightened himself. “What is it?”

“If I tell you this, then I must ask you to not tell anyone else.”

“Sure, Miss Saikou. I’m all ears. You know I won’t go around telling people, and I’m a man of my word.”

“Okay. Don’t make a scene, please.” She set her cup of tea down. “This is no simple surveying trip. I’m here to find Ichiko Saikou.”

Shock and dismay flashed through his eyes. His mouth dropped in alarm, opening and closing as he stumbled to find words. “Miss Saikou… I… You…”

“I did not wish to involve you in this, from the bottom of my heart. But my father requested that you come along with me, and there was no other option. I know you did not want this either. Once we land, feel free to find something else to do while we’re there. You don’t have to be a part of this.”

“This is…” His hands clenched and unclenched. “This… Ichiko… She’s alive?” Mr. Miura looked at Megami in disbelief. “How? How is this happening?” He swallowed, trying not to choke on his own spit. “How did you find this out?”

“I know this is a shock. Sit down and try to relax, or else they’re going to try to check on us here.” When Mr. Miura sat back on the chair and took a few deep breaths to recollect himself, Megami explained. “I found some records on her through an inside source. I know her current identity and her address, and I’ve sent a letter to her ahead of time to let her know I would be coming to her. At exactly 2:00, I will stand at her door. It may or may not open. If it does, then I will talk with her.”

“Miss Saikou. You… You know what you’re getting yourself into, right? This is…” He took off his cap and ran his fingers through his hair. “I mean, this is the ultimate trespass against your family. Someone finds out and there’s no recovering from this.”

She stared at his ghastly expression. He had already seen one tragedy unfold in the Saikou family, having to potentially witness another one and even have a role in it this time was asking a lot. She had to play the role of confidence, to show that she wasn’t just doing this on a whim. “I know this is incredibly dangerous. I’ve weighed the consequences for a while now. I want to believe I know what I’m doing.”

“I must ask, is this really worth it? I know you’re curious - And I am too! I’ve wondered for the past thirty or so years, but I would never dare act on that curiosity!” He pleaded. “Miss Saikou, think over this carefully. You’re playing with hot fire. We are forbidden to even mention her presence, so how much greater will the transgression be for this?”

“That is all the reason more I must know. I am not acting out of a mere curiosity. Mr. Miura, you surely know that Saikou Corp has issues. Our hands are not clean. If I really am to stand as a leader of this company, I cannot let something like this go by. My conscience will not allow it.”

“Your conscience…” His gaze softened. Suddenly the girl in front of him was no longer that young child with wide and bright eyes, but a woman grown now, following her own desires, and her desire was to do what was right. “And then what? If you really do find her, what will you do?”

“I’ll find out once and for all what really happened all those years ago. We’ve done wrong to her in the past. I hope by talking to her, we can reconcile.”

“Reconcile? It’s not like you were a part of what happened.”

“I will be the next face of Saikou Corp after my father. I embody the future generation of Saikous. I may not have been there, but I still represent the family.”

"Your mind is set, huh? To take responsibility where no one will..." He leaned back into the chair. “You’ve grown, Miss Saikou.”

------

The ocean breeze of Kumamoto blew across Megami’s face. It was refreshing, nothing like the city life, humid and with a hint of saltiness. Their jet landed on a small private airway right next to the water.

Mr. Miura decided he wouldn’t join her for the visit. For the rest of the flight, he stared out the window quietly, fingers drumming on the arms of his seat. Megami felt for him. To come see Ichiko with Megami, as badly as he wanted, would mean betraying the Saikou family and potentially losing everything. The limousine came to pick them up, and Megami asked to drop them off at a small hotel property their family owned. From there, they split their ways for the day.

1:55, Megami arrived at the address. She tipped the driver handsomely, asking him to keep quiet. 249-2 Yatsushiro, Kumamoto, she repeated over and over again in her head. She sat in the limousine, watching the beachside house she was about to enter. A nice place to live, Megami thought to herself. Quaint and cozy. 

1:58, Megami stood outside, glancing at her watch. Two minutes left. She combed through her hair with her fingers, readjusted her gloves and cleared her throat. 

1:59, Megami stepped onto the staircase and held her breath. Her heart was beating so fast. 

2:00. She raised her hand and knocked and the world stopped.

She kept standing there. 2:00:30. Thirty seconds past the arranged time, and Megami started feeling the heat rising up to her ears, her heart threatening to sink in disappointment. Where was she? Where was Ichiko? Was the silent response a rejection? That was a possibility, after all. Ichiko had every right to turn her down. 

Then the door opened after what felt like forever.

Megami came eye to eye with another pair of eyes. Brown eyes and silver eyes matching at the same height. They shared the same eye shape, the same eyebrows. Two faces came closer, in front of each other. Two very, very similar faces. They could have been twins.

Megami bowed as deeply as she could. But she was instead met with an embrace. 

Arms wrapping around her, lifting her head so they saw eye to eye, wiping away a tear that was slipping down uncontrollably Megami’s face. 

It was so warm. It was warmer than anything she could remember feeling. So intimate. She wanted to melt into her arms. A warm bath during a cold winter day. Basking in a ray of sunlight. That fuzzy feeling.

“Come inside,” Ichiko said softly and let go of her. Her voice was so gentle. “Megami.”

The girl followed her into the house. It was smaller than Osoro’s house, or maybe it seemed that way because Osoro’s house was a lot more sparse in terms of furniture. Ichiko’s house was filled to the brim of these little details, but it was a comfortable little living space - Potted plants, bookshelves of home cooked recipes, and framed family photos and paintings hung around. No trace of a past life, no indication that she could have been anyone else but Hiromi Yamamoto, a mother of two and a happy wife working at a local flower store. It felt odd to see a Saikou live such a normal life. 

“Sit down. I’ll make you some tea.”

Megami took her place at a cushioned armchair and dabbed a handkerchief at her eyes. “I must apologize. I didn’t mean to tear up.”

She hadn’t expected to get emotional. Megami never cried, not since she was a child. She had taught herself to harden her heart at a young age because tears only earned admonishment from her father.

“Sweet girl, let your tears out. It’s okay. I know your pain.” Ichiko set a cup of green tea in front of her. “Settle down, drink this. It’ll make you feel better.”

Megami sniffed and drew a long steady breath. This was utterly embarrassing for her. The Megami Saikou, losing composure over something she herself planned out and executed. This was foolish. This was exactly what she wanted, so why? Why was she crying?

She took a sip to recompose herself. Once she calmed down, she let out a huge breath. “Ichiko… I mean, Ms. Yamamoto. What should I call you?”

“Call me Hiromi, please.” The woman took a seat across from her on a couch. “I haven’t heard the name Ichiko in such a long time. I almost no longer associate it with myself anymore.”

Seeing the woman in front of her, moving, talking, breathing, the woman Megami had only seen in pictures and dreams and through whispers - It didn’t feel real. Ichiko Saikou, in the flesh. No longer a myth or a taboo, but reality .

“Hiromi, then,” Megami nodded. “I have to first offer another apology. I know I am from your past that you have left behind. My appearance and resemblance to those who have once hurt you must trouble you.”

A small gentle smile sat on Ichiko’s lips. “Let us not apologize for our existence. Can one choose the circumstances of their birth? I received your letter and I welcomed you into my house as a beloved guest, did I not?”

There was this eloquence to her speech that Megami recognized. It was the way that the high class were raised to speak, it was the way Megami herself spoke in formal settings. Underneath Hiromi Yamamoto was still a Saikou, after all.

“Right. I thank you for your hospitality.”

“If you would like anything else, let me know. But let’s skip the pleasantries, shall we? You came here for a reason. You have a story to tell, don’t you?”

“I… It’s funny.” Megami smiled nervously. “I’ve dreamt of this moment for a while now, and now that I’m here, I find myself struggling to put it into words.”

“Tell me about yourself then. Let’s start from there.”

“My name is Megami Saikou, the daughter of Ichiro Saikou. I am a second year at Akademi High, and the Student Council President.” 

Ichiko smiled again. She used to introduce herself like that when she was Megami’s age. “In your letter, you said you wanted my advice, right?”

“Yes. Growing up as the heiress to Saikou Corp…” Megami said. “You know what we have had to endure. The pressure of the expectations of everyone around us. You have been through what I have been through. You have experienced what I have experienced. To put it simply, I came here to know what you ended up doing after all those years of training. I want to know what they did to you, what happened when you decided to leave.”

“Before I say anything, let me first ask you. What are you thinking of doing?”

“...I don’t know,” Megami admitted. “I’ve thought about it again and again. I still don’t know after weighing every consequence. I’m stuck in this position where running away is only an idea I can entertain in my dreams. I’m not brave enough to do it. I don’t want to lose everything I have.”

“So you wanted my advice on what to do next, then.”

“Something to that extent. But I mainly came down here because I had to know what happened to you. I needed to know if you were still alive. What my family has done to you… I’ve only heard terrible rumors. And if those rumors are true, I wish to… I wish to reconcile with you, personally. As the future face of the Saikou family.”

There was a brief silence. Ichiko took a long drink from her cup then glanced out a window. “No one’s ever truly asked me what happened. No one’s ever wanted to hear my side of the story.”

“I’m a coward for doing this behind everyone’s back. I wish I had the courage to stand up to my family.”

“A coward… I see.” Ichiko returned her stare at Megami. “Okay. I’ll tell you everything. But prepare for a long story.”

She sighed and crossed her legs, placing the cup of tea down. “I had the same upbringing as you, Megami. The same expectations, the same wealth and privilege. I was given everything, but unlike you, I failed to ever reach that potential. My father did love me. He made sure anything I could ever want was provided, he tailored Akademi High to my preferences. But even if I had everything, no matter what I did, it seemed like I couldn’t be better. I tried so hard. Being groomed to be a CEO didn’t change the fact that I was just… Average. Painfully average.”

Groomed? Megami bit her lip. Groomed was such a strong word with such a powerful connotation, yet… she was right, wasn’t she? Groomed… She had been groomed, she was being groomed to become CEO. She had never been allowed to do anything else.

“It didn’t matter if my father was one of the smartest men in this world. It didn’t matter if I was put into advanced classes or forced on to the Student Council. None of it mattered if I, myself, couldn’t keep up. I never got straight As. I was a bad school president, I had the other members do most of the gruntwork. I thought the corporate world was dull and boring. I was never made for this life, and my father saw it and denied it. The endless shouting matches, the fights, the punishments. Nothing could convince him that it wasn’t working.” Resentment and bitterness seeped out of her voice. “He wanted to keep living in his delusions because he was so obsessed with his legacy. Because who cares what I think, right? Who cares what Saisho Saikou’s daughter thinks? She clearly can’t measure up to her father. Who cares how she feels?”

Her voice was growing more and more strained with her rambling. Megami asked softly, “Was it worth it? Was it worth leaving it all?”

“Here’s the difference between you and me, Megami. I had no choice. I had to leave. Think about it for two seconds. How could a girl who was struggling in her simple economics and business classes lead the country’s biggest company? Absolutely neurotic, I tell you. His head was so far up his own ass, excuse my language, that he failed to see how much he was hurting his own daughter.”

Ichiko’s eyebrows scrunched, her lips quivering. Megami felt terrible all of a sudden. She was probably digging up bad memories that hadn’t been touched for years. But to change the conversation would be a poor attempt at redirection. It was better to just let Ichiko air out her grievances and let her say the things she had been holding in. “It couldn’t have been easy to leave. It’s not so simple as just packing your bags and leaving through the front door, right?”

“Sort of. It’s easier and harder than you might think. Preparing for it and dealing with the aftermath is the difficult part. The idea of leaving came to me towards the end of my second year. I had to think where I was going to go, all the legal issues, how I would protect my identity without anyone’s help. This was before phones were so prominent and the internet was so connected. It made getting away with all of this a bit easier.” Ichiko stared at her reflection in her cup of tea. “Everything went down after graduation. My father thought it was about time and promoted me to the equivalent of a vice president. I was eighteen. I withdrew a sizable chunk of money from my bank account, took one or two spare change of clothes, a new phone, the bare necessities, and left.”

“Just like that?” 

“Just like that. Stuffed it all in a duffel bag and went out through the back door.”

“I see. No one expected anything. That must have helped.”

“At first they thought I had simply gone off somewhere like a store without telling anyone. It seemed like the simplest explanation. I was a rebellious teenager and I had made it clear by that point that I wasn’t satisfied with my life. But no, I didn’t come back this time. Twenty four hours passed without a word, and the search began. By then, I had already crossed the prefecture borders and I was on a four hour train ride to Kumamoto.” She sighed. “It was easy to find me. Just looking at a few security cameras and the transaction history of my bank account made it obvious what my intentions were. By the time I got off the train, my father was waiting there with a few of his security guards.”

“And they took you?”

“They certainly tried. I made a big fuss. I’m talking crazy . Mentally ill behavior. Shrieking, crying, trying to escape their grasp. I threw a fit in public and they were forced to let me go because it was too embarrassing to be seen like that in front of so many people. They rather save face than even try to stop me. I wasn’t even worth the headlines in the newspapers.”

“But was it not a better thing for them to leave you so easily?”

Ichiko’s eyes shifted to the floor. “I wanted to leave… But it wouldn’t have hurt for them to at least try a bit harder, right?” Her fingers gripped the arms of her chair. “How could they let me go so easily?”

“I’m sorry,” Megami said softly. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“Don’t apologize, Megami. You weren’t the one who did it. You weren’t even born yet. One person cannot bear the sins of their entire family.”

One person cannot bear the sins of their entire family. Megami swallowed.

“That’s not the end of my story. They kept trying to get me to come back. Threats and bribes, you know how this family is. Whenever I peeked out of my cheap hostel I was staying in for the night, I would see a van across the street and the driver, staring right back at me. It was them , watching me. Watching and watching, like a lion that was waiting for its prey to let down their guard. Yet it was never my own father that would show up, as if he didn’t care enough to try to convince his own daughter to stay. I moved from place to place, never staying at one spot for too long.

“It drove me crazy. It sounds like a soap opera, but it drove me absolutely crazy knowing I was constantly being watched no matter where I went. That type of thing eats at you, you know? It was a real nauseating sort of paranoia that made you feel paralyzed and suffocated. In every single thing I did, I would remember that they were waiting for me, like they were letting me run around and play for a little bit, and when the time was right they would then take me back. I was just a tiger pacing around anxiously in a cage. They never wanted to let me forget who I was.”

Megami watched Ichiko’s expression carefully. “A game of intimidation. Psychological warfare. But they never went out to physically threaten you?”

“Never. They never threatened to hurt me. I don’t even know if I would just prefer that,” she said. “The worst part was I didn’t know if it was in my head or not,” Ichiko said, blinking fast. “I had no idea when they stopped, if they ever stopped. It wasn’t like I was in contact with them. I began thinking every single car looked suspicious. Everyone who stared at me for a bit too long made me want to crawl out my skin. I think it messed my head up for a long time.”

“ If they ever stopped?” Megami tensed up. “As in, they could be watching right now?”

“You came here in secret, yes?” Ichiko shot a glance at the window. There was nothing out of the ordinary, as far as she could tell. “I want to say you’re safe here but there’s no way for me to know. It’s been years and years. I’d imagine they don’t keep a very keen eye on me anymore.” She tilted her head at Megami. “Do you have any idea?”

“No…” she admitted. “I barely knew anything about you growing up. All I could piece together was that you had left because you didn’t want to continue with this whole Saikou Corp thing. Even saying your name is a big taboo.”

“So, how did you find me?” Ichiko asked curiously.

“I used my connections. You know. Saikou stuff . I tried to make sure no one would have to get involved or know about this, but my butler, Mr. Miura ended up being dragged in.”

“Mr. Miura? He’s still around?” Ichiko’s eyes lit up. “How is he?”

“Old,” Megami chuckled. “You knew him when he was young. Now his hair’s thin and gray and his skin is all wrinkly and his age is showing. But he still wakes up at 5:30 AM every morning to prepare our family’s daily routine. He still drives me to and from everywhere. He still tries to give me advice like an uncle.”

“Mr. Miura. He’s a good man,” Ichiko agreed with a smile. “Ol’ Miura’s a geezer now. I’m old too, it seems.” She slowly refilled the cups of tea. “Knowing I would never see him ever again was hard. But… First, let me finish this story.” 

She took a sip to clear her throat. “Like I said earlier, physically leaving isn’t terribly hard. Everything after that is the hardest. Once I finally decided I couldn’t keep running around, I figured finding somewhere to settle was the next move. I would just have to endure the incessant stalking. But when I settled down, something came upon me. I realized I couldn’t find myself. It’s the oddest feeling. An identity crisis. For the first time in my life, I realized I had no idea what to do with myself.

“The only thing I knew up until that point was that I was a Saikou, and suddenly that name was taken away from me. No , I threw away that name. I was no one, nothing. I chose to do that. I looked inside me and there was nothing but a shell of a person. So… I created a new person. And Megami, it’s not hard changing your identity on the outside. Dye your hair every few months, wear eye contacts whenever you go out, change all your legal documents. But changing what’s on the inside? That’s the tough part. It took years of soul searching and introspection, all that time to become my own person. In the end, I would like to say I found what I wanted. It didn’t come without a lot of struggle, but I found it.”

“That’s good,” Megami murmured. “That’s good. Does… Does your family know?”

“Not the whole story. I’ve talked a little bit about my past. My husband’s very understanding. I think he’s figured a lot of it out, when my hair grows out and my natural Saikou silver comes out, and when I take off my contacts and my eyes are also silver, and all of that coinciding with news reports of the heiress to Saikou Corp running away. It doesn’t take a genius to piece things together. But he’s a simple man, you know? He grew up twenty minutes away from here, from a normal family.” Ichiko picked up a portrait that was propped up on the table. “He’s a romantic, patient, and loves me for who I am. He was who I needed at that time. Years passed by with him. I began to think less about my past and more about my future when I started a family.”

“If it offers you any comfort, my grandfather is on his deathbed. I don’t think he’ll make it to the end of the year. The news outlets aren’t creating gossip about that. It’s true. He’s dying.”

Ichiko paused. “He’s dying,” she repeated slowly. “He’s finally biting the dust.” She folded her arms to process those words. “And my brother? Your father? How is he?”

“He’s… I mean, he’s my father,” Megami said quietly. “He’s taught me a lot. I can respect him for that. I don’t know how it would feel to have anyone else.”

The woman sensed her hesitance. “We didn’t get along all the time as children. I don’t really blame him for that. Our upbringing prevented us from having a normal relationship. I assume after I left, everything was placed on his shoulders so…” She bit her lip. “I’m afraid his parenting may reflect all that pressure he must have felt. To that extent, I’m also responsible for whatever hardships you faced in your childhood. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, please. You didn’t deserve this. You didn’t deserve any of this. This whole thing…” Megami clenched her fists. “It should have never happened. I would have never allowed any of this to happen.”

Ichiko put down her cup once and for all, and looked at Megami intently. “You see, Megami. You’re not like me. You have a choice. You are capable of greatness. You have the heart to be good . If anyone could make a change in this godforsaken family, it’s you .” She leaned closer. “Leaving all of this behind seems like it’s the best thing to do. It’s tempting, I know. But I love you, Megami, as my own niece, my own blood. And because I love you, I don’t want you to go through the same pain I went through. I couldn’t handle anything. I cracked under pressure. But not you . You can do it, and you can do more . You can use everything you’ve learned and all these skills that you’ve been taught, and use it to your own advantage.” She reached out and held Megami’s hands, letting out a tense breath. “Megami. Let me ask again. What do you want to do?”

The girl pursed her lip. All those times she had thought about it, all those times she considered it. Back then, there was a possibility. But now, after her deal with Info-Chan, on top of what Ichiko was telling her… It didn’t seem like much of a solution anymore. Leaving the company was just a way for her to run away from her problems and give them to her brother. No, she had never chosen to be born into this life, she had never chosen to be the daughter of one of the greatest conglomerates in the world. But Ichiko was right - Megami was smart, and she was well aware of that. She had the potential. Whether or not she took advantage of that potential and used it for good was up to her. 

She recalled that small conversation she shared with Osoro that night when they were on the balcony of a hospital. Destiny. Fate, Osoro mentioned. She never really believed in such a thing. Being able to take the reins of your life, now that was what everything was about. But perhaps her idea and Osoro’s idea weren’t as different as she thought. It was destiny that she was born into this family. Maybe it was also destiny for her to change everything. To make everything good again. 

“I’ll stay,” Megami finally concluded. “I can’t leave. I can’t run away. I’ll change Saikou Corp from the inside using my own power, no matter what it takes.”

Ichiko nodded solemnly and let go of her hands. “Endure for a little longer. You already have their trust and their confidence. The only way to get out of this cleanly without making a mess behind you is to wait. Once you have the position and the complete power, then you’ve won everything. How much longer?”

“I’m still in my second year, but summer’s not too far away. I have around a year left until I’ll be promoted to Vice President. I will then enroll in university and by the time I graduate, I will have the position of COO until my father is ready to give me the role of CEO.”

“That’s a long time. Can you wait?”

“I would wait a hundred years if it meant I could fix everything.”

“Not everything can be fixed by one person, but you can be the start of that change, right?” Ichiko rose from the couch and walked to the window, opening the curtains. She glanced out, seeing the small waves in the distance crash gently along the shore. The weather was good today. “Come, let’s take a walk on the shore.”

“What if I get seen?”

“Borrow my hat and some of my clothing. It’ll make you look a lot less… rich, for lack of a better term. Catches less eyes.”

Megami did just that. It felt a bit odd to wear such casual clothing. She wore custom designed and tailored outfits on the regular, the expensive blazers and coats and designer shoes. Wearing the loose fitting jacket and jeans with flip flops was a first experience for her. But Ichiko was right. With the wide brimmed hat, sunglasses, and the casual outfit, no one seemed to notice her existence - Which was another first for her. She had always wondered what it was like to blend into a crowd so easily. To be able to walk down a street without anyone giving her odd looks.

The weather was, indeed, good. Megami followed Ichiko’s footprints in the sand, tracing her own foot over those imprints. They were the same size. In the distance, Ichiko was toeing the ocean waves through her own flip flops, testing its warmth. In another world, they could have been a real family. In another world, Megami could have very well been Ichiko’s daughter. 

“The water’s warm. Have you ever been to the ocean, Megami?” Ichiko asked, when Megami caught up to her. “I never had the chance to see it all that much growing up. I was always cooped up in meetings or in my room doing homework.”

“A few times,” Megami remarked. “I’ve never had much time to take many trips to the beach. I never thought the next time I would come, I would be doing this.”

Ichiko folded her arms behind her back, admiring the view. The sun was climbing more and more down the horizon, its golden rays reflecting off the water. “Were you expecting this to go differently?”

“Well…” Megami glanced at her. “I honestly thought you would tell me to leave the family.”

“Freedom comes with sacrifice. And this sacrifice is big for one person to make alone. It’s about compromise. That’s what businessmen do, right? Making choices and having to take responsibility for those choices.” She let out a sigh. “How long will you stay?”

“I have to get back by tonight.”

“I see.”

Melancholy hung in the air. They both knew this might have been the last time they would see each other. Seeing each other was like a glimpse into another life they each could have had. Ichiko could have been Megami, Megami could have been Ichiko. 

“Hiromi.” Megami turned to face her. She took off her hat and the sunglasses. “I’m sorry you had to walk this path alone.”

“And I’m sorry you will have to walk this path alone. I would help you if I could. But as far as everyone is concerned, I’m just a washed up failure. I’ve got nothing to offer. The least I can do is tell you what happened to me and give you words of advice.”

“You were never a failure in my eyes. I clung onto your name after all this time. You were… hope to me. You were a reassurance that I wasn’t crazy for getting tired of all of this. To know that someone was out there who knew what I was feeling - That was a comfort for me.”

“At least I was useful in some way, for once,” Ichiko laughed, and Megami’s mouth twitched. After all these years, Ichiko still thought of herself as a disappointment, and it was apparent it wasn’t something Megami could convince her otherwise. “Come on,” Ichiko said, “let’s keep walking. I like to collect the seashells around this area.”

They strolled near the shoreline, making small talk about their lives. Megami told her about what had been going on at Akademi High lately, Ichiko jumping in with her own memories of the teachers. Megami also learned more about Ichiko’s life as Hiromi Yamamoto. She had two sons, the oldest one was going into university soon, and her youngest was going into high school. Her husband was a director of a library. They made a decent living, certainly only a fraction of what Megami normally saw, but there was always food on the table and they were happy. More happy than Megami would ever be, even though she had everything they didn’t have.

While they were chatting, they saw a man not too far away. A tall lanky figure, wearing a black uniform and a cap. He stood far away from the tides to avoid getting his trousers wet. The two parties saw each other at the same time, and in a heartbeat, they knew. 

“Mr. Miura!” Megami called out with a wave. 

He froze in his position. As Megami and Ichiko came closer, he took off his cap. 

“...Ichiko?” He whispered. He barely recognized the woman from far away, but seeing her face up close made it obvious. The last time Mr. Miura had seen her was decades ago, when she was still in her teenage years, brightly grinning mischievously, always breaking the rules. “Is that you?”

“Mr. Miura.” Ichiko smiled broadly and hugged him, burying her face in his shoulder. They were the same height now. “It’s been a while.”

“Look at you.” He returned the hug back slowly. “You’re grown up. ” 

“And you’re old.” That got a laugh out of the butler, and she patted him on the back. “God. I never thought I would see you again.”

“Me neither,” he murmured. “How many years has it been? What happened to that little girl who used to ask me to play with dolls with her?”

“Care to join us on our walk?” Ichiko offered. “Let’s catch up on the years, old man.”

Mr. Miura glanced at Megami. “Miss Saikou, if you would have me.”

“Does this question even have to be asked?” Megami almost laughed at him. “Come with us, Mr. Miura.”

It felt like a family to Megami, walking side by side with two adults in her life that she loved. As the sun continued to set, their shadows stretched out onto the sand. They were not holding hands, but their shadows were. Happiness swelled in Megami’s heart. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so at peace. There were so many obstacles ahead of her, but it suddenly felt like she could overcome all of them because she finally knew what she had to do. 

“Remember. You are yourself, Megami,” Ichiko told her while she was preparing to get on the family jet. The sun had set now, the stars coming out into the sky. They were a lot brighter here than the city. “You are Megami before you are a Saikou.”

They shared a long hug one more time. “Will we see each other again?” Megami asked hopefully.

“Surely. In different circumstances, I promise.” Ichiko placed her hands on Megami’s shoulders. “I believe in you, okay? If you say you want to change everything and make amends for the past, I think you’re the only person capable of doing so because you're good, Megami. Don't forget that.”

“This is goodbye, then.”

“For now.”

They got one last look at each other before Megami turned around. Mr. Miura was already on the jet, waiting for her. She would be returning back to her life now, as a different person.

--------

“What a day,” Mr. Miura sighed. “I haven’t had anything this big happen in so long.” He glimpsed out the plane window as Kumamoto became smaller and smaller. “I’m curious. What were you two discussing in her house?”

Megami smiled. “I just wanted to know what happened to her after all these years. That’s it.”

Mr. Miura picked up the newspaper and flipped it open. He knew Megami was only telling half the truth, but he couldn’t care less. Ichiko was alive and well. That knowledge was enough to put him at rest. He had loved Ichiko like his own daughter. Seeing her constantly distressed at school and at home with her father and being unable to do anything pained him greatly. Hearing her disappearance and not knowing if she was even alive left a hole of guilt in his heart. He thought maybe he could have done something. Maybe he could have stood up for her and prevented this from ever happening.

But in the end, he was only a butler, the good and faithful servant. There was only so much he could do to change things. Or maybe that was his excuse for being too scared of Saisho Saikou's power. He watched Megami stare out the window. 

He wondered what the girl was thinking about. She seemed a bit different. Was it that intense stare in those bright eyes? Was it that look of resolve plastered all over her face? Mr. Miura tilted his cap over his eyes, hiding a small smile. Only time would tell.

Chapter Text

Osoro’s father spent two more months in rehab before being discharged. Osoro visited sometimes, just to chat and get used to talking to him again without wanting to cower. It was awkward at times, but she was trying hard and so was her father. Ms. Kunahito was working all behind the scenes, taking care of the paperwork and whatnot. 

When the time had come, he came back home with his little suitcase of clothes, a fresh shave, and a haircut.

“Hey, it’s pretty damn clean,” he remarked as he walked in. He looked around the living room in disbelief, then went further into the room, dropping off his things. “You did all of this, kid?”

Osoro shuffled into the room after him. None of it felt real. Being in the living room with her dad, not being yelled at or hit, being complimented of all things. “Yeah. Cleaned it up while I was taking a few days off school.”

“Man. I can’t remember the last time it looked this nice…” He ran his hand over the kitchen counter, feeling the smoothness under his fingers. It almost shined under the light. No more ashtrays that were overflowing with crumpled cigarettes. No more empty shot glasses and crushed beer cans. The room seemed unrecognizable.

“I got rid of all the bad stuff. No alcohol, no cancer sticks, none of that shit.”

“You quit smoking too?” He raised an eyebrow. 

“It was fucking with my mind,” she admitted. “I was out there smoking a pack just to fall asleep. I had to stop before I got lung cancer.”

“Okay. Good shit,” he clasped his hands together. “We’re going sober from here on out, then.” 

“It’s real fuckin’ hard. I’ve been so dependent on nicotine to keep myself calm that I don’t feel like the same person without it. Which kinda scares me because it’s like I’ve forgotten who I am without having that coping mechanism.”

“Being sober is…” Her father ran his hands through his hair once, then sighed. “It’s painful having to be so aware of everything you’re thinking of, eh? I went from drinking whenever I had even one single thought to just having to bear it all.” He sat down on the couch and crossed his legs. “I still get headaches a lot, but it’s nothin’ like the first few weeks of rehab. The withdrawal had me feeling like I was actually dying. Sometimes it felt like I didn’t know if it was the withdrawal symptoms or the thoughts splitting open my head.” He shook his head. Just thinking about how it felt was already giving him another headache. “But after you get through the first few weeks it's not as intense. They gave me a sobriety coin and everything when I finished rehab. The coin’s cool, so it’d be embarrassing having to turn it in if I relapse.”

Relapse . That word scared Osoro. The possibility of relapsing… It hurt to even consider it. When she finally got a taste of a better life, when things were finally on the up and up, only to have it crumble apart again. She didn’t know if she could handle getting sucker punched by life again and be able to pick herself up. 

“We should get something to eat,” he looked up at her. “Like the old times.”

Old times? What old times? Before he started ruining her life? Before he started abusing her? It felt like he was acting so casual, like he was brushing over everything that came after those “old times”. There was no way he wasn’t going to address it, right? Or were they just going to bury it in their memories and pretend it never happened?

“I can’t,” Osoro said, restrained. “I got school.”

“Oh, yeah.” He scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, you should do that. School’s pretty important. I didn’t take it very seriously when I was your age, but I wish I did. Probably wouldn’t have ended up so pathetic. Ya know, with everything going on at home, school seemed like the least of my worries. It’s a miracle I graduated with all my absences.” He sighed. “You’re better than me, Osoro.”

“It’s not like I could’ve skipped school if I wanted to. Our Student President is in my class and Ms. Kunahito is literally my fuckin’ legal guardian, and they’ve joined forces to make sure I’m not getting in trouble.”

“Thank fuck. It wouldn’t have been good if you threw away your life like that.” Osoro’s eye twitched. He’s the one that had been throwing her life away, but he made no indication or acknowledgement. “Do we have anything in the fridge?”

She opened the fridge door. “Juice. Milk. Soda. That sorta shit. What’d you drink in rehab?”

“Sparkling water. Plain water wasn’t cutting it for me.”

“Sparkling? We don’t have that bougie crap.”

“It’s alright. I’ll go buy it at the corner store. Gotta get some exercise, anyways. I’ll take some soda though.”

Osoro took a can of soda for him and for herself, then sat down across from him. She inhaled sharply, trying not to let her hands shake. It was so fucking intimidating sitting near him, looking at him straight in the eyes. But she had to. For her own sake. If she didn’t start the conversation, then he sure as hell wasn’t.

“So.” She put down the cans on the coffee table and cleared her throat. “Are we going to talk about it?”

He popped open one of the cans. “Talk about what?”

“I don’t know. The fact you almost died? Everything else that came before that? Are we just gonna sweep all of that under a rug and pretend like nothing ever happened?” 

He stared at her quietly, and in that moment Osoro felt that familiar fear gripping her, throat tightening, heart pounding in her ears, palms sweating and shaking. Those sharp eyes terrified her, the ones she saw in her nightmares, flashing with anger and rage. Normally he would stand up and start beating the shit out of her but he only sat there, silent as Osoro held her breath.

He’s not gonna hurt me he’s not gonna hurt me he’s not gonna hurt me if he does Ms. Kunahito will send his ass to jail and he won’t be able to even touch me breathe breathe breathe

“We should talk about it,” he finally said, setting down the soda. Osoro released her breath and tried to look him in the eyes. “You know, at rehab, they made us do this group therapy thing. We had to talk about our lives and problems and whatnot. I thought it was stupid at first but… Being sober made me have to think about all of this shit I was running away from with alcohol. The thoughts had been sitting in me, then I suddenly had to say it outloud in front of people and a counselor. I hated it. But it was good for me.”

“I’ve been doing the same. Talking forces me to think about things I keep avoiding.”

“Yeah. Having a lot of support is good. But um…” He rubbed his chin. “I’m acknowledging right now that I hurt you. I beat you hard , and it was really shitty of me to do that. It was fucked. I’ve been fucked up, and I passed that fucked up down to you. You didn’t deserve that. I, um.” He sighed, trying to find the words to say. “I already told you that my own parents hurt me, right? My dad beat me a lot, my mom never paid any attention to me. And that ain’t a justification or anything. I thought… I wouldn’t end up like them but I was wrong.” His eyes shifted to the floor. “Any apology coming out of me is just going to sound ass, but I wanna say sorry again. I know a few words ain’t nearly enough to make up for what I did. I can’t change the past, as much as I wanna. I can only focus on being a better person from now on.”

Osoro bit her bottom lip with a bitter silence. Her gaze drifted towards her arms, littered with cigarette burns that didn’t come from herself. It wasn’t enough. Any apology wasn’t enough, even her dad recognized that. “You took away a part of me that I can’t get back.”

“I know,” he said solemnly. “I get that. I… don’t know how to make it up to you.”

“I don’t even know if you can.” She thought about all she had learned in therapy. “I’m still learning how to process a lot of the stuff you put me through from Ms. Kunahito. She said only I have that power to decide if I want to forgive you. Only I have that right.”

“That makes sense. But… Is there a future where I can be in your life again? As a father?”

“I want there to be. It’d be nice. But things won’t go back to the way they used to be. They never will. You get that, right?”

“...Yeah. I get it.”

“But that’s… That doesn’t mean we can’t try to make it better. I want to make it better. But we can’t move on from this so easily.”

“It’s funny. That’s what my rehab counselor was saying too,” he scratched his chin, where his stubble used to be. “There ain’t no shrugging this off. I mean, look at me. Someone like me is what happens when all that shitty baggage doesn’t get dealt with and processed. I always thought therapy was mentally ill bullshit. But I guess I do have mentally ill bullshit to sort out.” He picked up the soda can again and took a sip. “Your mom and I never really took time to process what happened to us in our pasts because we had each other, y’know? That felt like it was enough to put a bandaid over our wounds.”

Her mother, again. Osoro had gotten to know enough about her through her dad, but she still lacked that emotional connection. Hearing stories about someone wasn’t the same as knowing someone. 

“Look,” he said. “We’re going to do this, and we’re going to do this right. Go to therapy. Go get the help you need. It doesn’t matter how long you need to take, I’ll do what I have to do too. I don’t want to screw this up.”

“Um.” She opened and closed her fists. “You said… you said in the hospital, on that first night you were in, that you didn’t want to make a promise you couldn’t hold. Is that… is that still…? Did you really mean that?”

He frowned. “Kid, I was barely half alive when I said that. But what I said that night - It’s true that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Shit happens. You could walk out the door next morning and get run over by a car, you know what I mean? I can’t keep a promise when I have no idea what the future’s got for me. But if you really value my words that much, I promise that I’m going try really fucking hard to get things straight. I can’t promise the outcome, but I can promise the effort.”

Osoro rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably and let out a breath. “Okay. I’m holding you to your promise, then. You fuckin’ break that promise, you fucking hurt me again, then, then, then it’s just me that’s not going to let that slide. Ms. Kunahito’s on your ass too, don’t forget that.”

“She’s made that very clear,” he nodded. “And if I get thrown into jail for fuckin’ up the promise, then I won’t argue or resist.”

She was trying hard not to cry for some reason. Maybe it was the overwhelming feeling of anxiety swallowing her, maybe it was listening to him apologize to her again so seriously. Maybe both.

“And Osoro…” He continued. “I love you. I do. I’m real shitty at showing it and I haven’t been showing it to you at all. I know you don’t feel really loved and that fucks you up, speaking from experience there. I don’t know how to like, hug or hold hands or whatnot. But if you want something like… like food or like money for whatever teenagers want these days, I got you.”

That was his way of trying to show love, she guessed. Through the little awkward attempts at trying to give her those small things as a way to show he was trying his best. So he really meant it, didn’t he? He was going to try his best to be a father again.

Osoro picked up the other can of soda and opened it. “Here’s to hoping things only get better from here on out.” She lifted it to her mouth. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

------

Megami stood beside her grandfather’s bed, watching the old man’s chest rise and fall. She had arrived at the hospital by herself, no Osoro to accompany her. It didn’t really feel the same without her blonde friend to chat with on the balcony. 

“How is he doing, Doctor?” She asked. “Be honest with me, please.”

The doctor was scribbling something on his clipboard and he shook his head, “If you want me to be honest… It’s not good, Miss Saikou. Not good at all. We have done the best we can, but he didn’t respond to any treatment.” He looked up at her. “He’s lost a lot of his senses. He’s unresponsive to visual stimuli and seems to only respond to familiar voices.” 

Megami studied Saisho Saikou’s face. Her grandfather’s eyes were barely open, most of his face had been taken up by the oxygen mask, and his body had so many tubes plugged in it seemed like he was just a robot. She was more surprised that he managed to last this long. For each day that had passed, Megami had expected to receive news that he had passed away, but another day would go without anything happening.

“My father was here, right? Did he say anything?”

“Why don’t you ask him right now?” He gestured to the door with his pen.

Megami turned around to see her father walking into the room. The doctor bowed to him and welcomed his return, and Ichiro nodded at him politely before joining Megami at the bedside.

“How is he, Father?” Megami asked.

Ichiro stared at the bed. “Not good, Megami,” he said quietly.

Megami noticed something - It wasn’t his usual cold emotionless stare. He seemed pensive, a rare moment of downcast. It was so subtle, but Megami could tell that he was actually a bit somber.

“Oh.” She had never seen him like this before. “How much longer do we have with him?”

“Not long. There is not much we can do anymore. I have consulted with many advisors in our company and we have come to a unanimous agreement. We will stop all treatment and let him pass away naturally. No more medication to prolong his life. Funeral arrangements have already been discussed, as well his will.”

“So these are the last moments we will get to spend with him, then.”

“Indeed. He has lived for a while now and his passing is hardly a surprise. All men must die.”

Megami was suddenly filled with an immense curiosity. She had never really seen her father get so personal. She didn’t really know who he was besides her father, she had never learned about his own past. “I wish I could have met him when he was younger. I only know him as the man sitting in the wheelchair. I wonder how it would have felt to have him as a father.”

“Hm.” Ichiro folded his arms behind his back. He realized that he had never told Megami too much about himself. “Well. When he was younger, in his prime, he was ten times sharper than you could ever imagine. You may have studied him in history, but mere text cannot do it justice. And as a father… He had his shortcomings, undeniably so.”

Megami thought about what Ichiko said. Did her father feel the same way towards her grandfather? DId he harbor the same resentment? “What was it like?”

“He was disciplinary and strict, to say the least, much more than I ever was. Your grandfather was a soldier, after all, so it was only natural. My sister bore the brunt for most of it. She had a much different perspective of the world, one that disagreed with what my father had in mind. And perhaps I saw that and decided that I would not be like her in that way.”

“Your sister…” Now was the time to ask, Megami decided. Play it safe, and feign complete ignorance. “Pardon, but am I permitted to ask of her?”

“You are a woman grown, Megami.” Ichiro glanced at her. “When you were still young, I hid her away from you so you would not be swayed. But you are no longer young nor a girl. I have raised you to stand firm in our ways and I trust that you will not be influenced by the knowledge of my sister’s actions.”

“I cannot deny my occasional curiosity of the subject,” Megami admitted. “Was… Grandfather the reason why she left?”

“There were many reasons,” he said wistfully. “But yes, I suppose, that was one of them. He was too harsh on her sometimes, I admit. He used the methods of his generation to force his ideals on her. The signs that she intended on leaving or doing something large had been apparent for a while. It was my father that had failed to see them. I had always known she was going to leave someday, I just did not expect it to be in the way she did. She just packed her bags in the middle of the night and ran to some place in Kumamoto prefecture. I have reason to assume she is living there on her own, but there is no contact between any of us.”

He loved her, Megami realized. Ichiro loved his sister. “Do you ever think about her?”

“I would be a liar to say no,” he acknowledged. “She was my only sister. I grew up with her and I did look up to her to an extent.” He turned to face her. “You are the splitting image of her, Megami, did you know? You have her face.”

“Is she what you think of when you see me? Do I remind you of her?”

“Of course. But you remind me to do better, to make up for where she has failed. I will never let what happened to her ever occur again. She is your grandfather’s biggest source of shame.”

Megami noted how he said “your grandfather”, and not “our family”. He must miss her. He still loved her.

“I do not wish that to happen to anyone,” he continued. “To you, especially. You are my eldest child, my only daughter. You mean everything to me. You bear the weight of this Saikou life, but you are the only one who is capable.”

“What about Kencho?” Megami asked.

“Kencho is a good child, yes, but he doesn’t have what it takes to be CEO. He’s smart and cunning, but he lacks humanity. You are smart and cunning, but you are also kind, gentle, well loved by all, and most importantly, you are good. You are the only one in this world worthy of this name.”

Megami stared at her father, taken aback from his words. Her father loved and trusted her. In the seventeen years of her life, this was the first time she had heard those words from him. She didn’t know how to feel. She always knew it was true, even if it didn’t always feel like that, but she had always known her father loved her in his own way. It was just different coming out of his mouth.

“Thank you, Father.” 

She looked at her grandfather again. You are the only one in this world worthy of this name . Yes, she was going to change the Saikou legacy. She was going to destroy the empire and rebuild it up into something good, something bigger and better. All that she needed was time.

Later, Megami left the hospital to return to her work. Saisho Saikou was really about to die. The idea of that seemed inconceivable. Ichiko would finally be able to live with peace of mind. While Megami sat in the limousine, she realized she left her water bottle back in the hospital room. She instructed Mr. Miura to stop at the convenience store so she could buy some water.

While she grabbed a plastic water bottle, she saw a man walk into the store. A blond man with sharp eyes. And Megami realized who it was. Osoro’s father.

The first thing Megami noticed was how tall he was. He had to be at least 6’1” from a rough estimate, possibly a little taller because of his slouch. Megami herself was tall by Japanese standards, standing at 5’6”, just a couple centimeters taller than Osoro, but this man was more than a solid head taller than her. 

It wasn’t as if tall people were uncommon in her life of work - Appearances were, unfortunately, held high in the business world - But Osoro’s father lacked that same stature they had. His back hunched a bit, perhaps from being at that height, and he certainly wasn’t as wellgroomed. Megami could understand why Osoro would be terrified of him when he was being aggressive. 

He certainly looked a lot better than the last time Megami recalled seeing him. His blond hair had been cut shorter, his stubble shaved. Laying off the alcohol made him look younger, certainly. His eyes seemed clear, awake, unclouded. No drunken haziness. 

Megami stared from a distance. He paid her no attention, reaching to grab a drink, minding his own business. It struck Megami that he had no idea who she was, and that irritated her. There was a weird swirl of emotion inside her. Anger, frustration, rage. She wanted to strangle him, thinking about all those markings she had seen on Osoro, all those bruises, scars, and welts. She had all the power in the world to take revenge for Osoro. 

She watched him pay for a pack of sparkling water at the front desk. He smiled at the cashier, made small talk about the weather, thank you, and even left a tip. It really did seem like rehab changed him. He was nothing like the man he saw in Ms. Kunahito’s office all that time ago. 

If this was really what Osoro wanted, and she trusted Ms. Kunahito knew this was for the best. Megami took a deep breath and watched him leave the store. She couldn’t fix every single problem. She had to learn to stop doing that. Sometimes what she thought was a good option wasn’t always the best one. Something as delicate and sensitive as this was beyond her. 

-----

“Can you believe school’s almost done for the year? We got like a month of two left only, eh?” Dairoku crushed the cigarette under his foot. “Can I bum another cig off you, Gaku?”

“Go for it.” Gaku passed the small box container to him. “Man. Feels like we just started this school year. Umeji, ya want one?” 

“Nah. I’ve had enough for today,” he grunted. He was trying to cut down his smoking for Osoro, but he wasn’t about to admit that out loud.

Hayanari plucked a cigarette from the container then passed it on to Hokuto. “Umeji, you’re graduating, aren’tcha?” 

“Aw fuck, don’t remind me,” Umeji groaned. “Three years in this hell hole, done like that. Feels like a fever dream, I gotta be honest.”

“So. Ya got a plan for what comes next?” Osoro asked. “University, maybe?”

“Hell nah,” Umeji said. “I ain’t cut out for that shit. I already failed my mock entrance exam three times, and that’s enough for me. No university. I’m going into trade school.”

“Trade school? Are your parents okay with that?” Osoro questioned.

“I know, everyone in Akademi High goes to the top universities in the country and in the world, and going to a trade school is the opposite of that. I didn’t need to go to one of the best high schools in Japan for that. But honestly? At this point, my parents are just happy that I’m graduating and I’ve decided I’m not going to bum around.”

“Trade school’s better than nothing,” Gaku agreed. “What sorta trade though?”

“Auto mechanics, or something of that sort. Fix cars, work with my hands. I’m done with academia and school bullshit.”

Osoro thought back to before the boys started following her and she grimaced. “You used to love it though, didn’t you? Before you met me and those fuckin’ bullies, you always had your head in a book.” She looked at the group, all of them leaning against the incinerator wall, blond hair with their natural root colors showing, cigarette butts littered on the floor. “All of you had your fun little hobbies, gardening, baking, photography… You had better things to do.”

“I haven’t really touched a book for fun since then,” Umeji admitted quietly. 

“I don’t really bake that much either these days…”

“My camera’s still sitting on my shelf…”

“My mom does all the gardening in our house now…”

Osoro sighed. “Let’s just say you weren’t a delinquent, and all that shit in the past never happened. If you never met me, then what do you think you would be doing right now?”

“I used to be a big bookworm back then, that’s true.” Umeji ran his fingers through his hair. “I’d probably still be one. I’d go off to university to study something like chemistry. That used to be my favorite subject.” He looked at the ground, eyebrows scrunced. “But that old me is dead. That was another me in another life. He’s not coming back.”

Osoro frowned. Did she ruin it for them? 

“Hey Boss,” Dairoku spoke up. “What about you? What do you think you’ll do when you graduate?”

She shrugged. “University, I imagine. I think I can do it. I’ve got a head on me when I choose to use it. I’m kinda shit at reading but when I actually understand stuff, I’m pretty quick to figure stuff out. But I got a year left to think things over.”

“You’re smart, Boss, you’ve got the best grades of all of us. Hell, you could probably place into the University of Tokyo, I bet,” Hokuto said proudly. He tossed the cigarette into the incinerator. “You know, we’ve been challenged by the Buzara gang. Thursday, 8 PM sharp at the park. They’re still mad that Boss handed their asses to them single handedly all that time ago. I’ve been meaning to give them a good thrash after they tried to jump me.”

“Hell yeah. Let’s go smash their faces in,” Gaku grinned.

“Right on!” Hayanari shouted.

“Let’s fuckin’ show them who’s the best around here.”

“That’s fucking right.”

“We can beat their asses easily.”

Osoro closed her eyes. Umeji’s graduating in a few months. He’s going to be an adult in the real world soon. In another life, he would be off to a good university probably, graduating from a prestigious high school with good standing and gone off to be highly accomplished. It was the same for the other boys. And now they’re all struggling with behavioral issues and their grades are mediocre at best. All after following her.

But at the same time, if she hadn’t stepped in, if they hadn’t started standing up for themselves, they could’ve all been dead in some crazy ass suicide pact.

Osoro herself was going to be in her last year of high school in a few months. She had managed to keep her grades high despite everything, and she had options in the future. There was still a chance for the rest of them, they all were in the same year as her too. She didn’t want to ruin it for them. One more year. That was enough time to turn things around.

“Hey, folks…” She mumbled. “This gang stuff. I’m kinda over it.”

“Hah?” Gaku raised an eyebrow. “Whaddya mean by gang stuff, Boss? We ain’t a gang. Just a couple of lads. Isn’t that what you always say?”

Hayanari pouted. “Yeah, yeah, Boss. Over it? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean I’m over those rumbles and brawls,” she said. “We ain’t a gang, that’s true. But we’re caught up in gang business, and we kinda act like one when we fight them.”

“Why don’t you wanna fight no more, Boss?” Dairoku asked. “You feelin’ alright these days? You’ve been through hell and back these past few months. We get it if you’re not feeling up to it, y’know?”

“I’m… fine.” Osoro sighed. “It’s just… It ain’t cutting out for me anymore, that’s what I mean. I was good at fighting because I was really mad at everything in my life. And I used that anger to beat the shit outta people. But I don’t feel that mad anymore, y’know what I mean?”

“So… you’re done?” Umeji asked quietly. “You don’t wanna fight that Buzara gang?”

“I don’t wanna fight anymore gangs, period.”

“They’re gonna call you names and shit, Boss.” Hayanari tilted his head. “They’re gonna call you a coward and weak and everything. Are you really okay with that?”

“Let them call me a coward. I don’t give a shit about being the strongest anymore, and you guys should stop giving a shit too.”

They broke out into a murmur and Umeji faced Osoro, hands clenched tightly.

“It’s Megami, isn’t it,” he said hotly. “The fucking President. She’s why you don’t wanna fight anymore, right? I know she’s trying to fucking reform you and it’s working, Boss. First it was the cigarettes, and now this . She got into your head and she’s changed you.”

“It ain’t Megami’s problem,” Osoro defended. Umeji wasn’t completely off though, and Osoro knew that. There had been a change in her, even Osoro could feel it. “It was mine to begin with.”

“But Boss… I’m speaking as your right hand man right now. You know we’d follow you anywhere you go, but we wouldn’t know what to do without you. We’re lost without you.”

“Look, man. I’ve never wanted to go out and hurt people, deadass. People try to start shit with me, so I just give it back to ‘em. But everytime I do that, I’m just going around and hurting people anyways. Hurting myself . It’s unhealthy. I fought because I didn’t want to feel anything anymore on the inside. I didn’t wanna accept the fact that I was hurting on the inside. I was just runnin’ away from my own feelings. Fighting in those gang brawls makes me an even bigger coward.”

“You’re not a coward, Boss. You saved us. You gave us a new life. You made us better,” Umeji said, and the other delinquents murmured and nodded all in agreement.

“Maybe I saved you, but I also fed into your anger and hatred because I was feeding into my own… And anger and hatred - They’re just places where people who can’t look sorrow in the eye without wavering run off to. I’m done being angry and hating at everything. I’m finally in a spot in my life where I’m starting to feel like I can start to move on from all the shit in my life.”

Umeji pursed his lips tightly, then looked away. He knew Osoro was trying to be better, and it’d be a dick move to try to stop that. Since he met her, he had put her on the highest pedestal in his mind. He had seen Osoro at her weakest, and at her strongest. He admired her for everything she had ever been through. She had arguably been through the worst out of all of them, but she managed to be better than all of them - Still showing up to school, still carrying about her education, still worrying about her dad who abused her, still trying her best.

“So is it over? Us?”

Osoro laughed. “Weren’t you listening, man? Relax. We’re not a gang - We’re friends . We’re always going to be friends, just no more fighting and hurting. We’re always gonna be hanging around the streets, we’re always going to be getting food together. Nothing’s gonna change the relationship between us.” 

“You promise, Boss?”

“Of course,” Osoro smiled. 

If they looked up to her so much, then by setting a good example, they would surely follow in her footsteps. She could make another change in their lives again. A better one.

“Now get to class, y’all. We don’t wanna be late, eh?” Osoro said.

“Yes, ma’am,” they said in unison.

------

“You know, I saw your father at the convenience store yesterday,” Megami said. “I recognized him. He looks a lot better than from when I last saw him.”

They were walking down the hallway together after class ended. People had stopped giving them weird looks for walking together. They had done it so frequently where it had become somewhat of a norm, and it was clear to everyone that it wasn’t because Megami was trying to supervise Osoro, but rather they were walking side by side as friends.

Osoro raised an eyebrow curiously. “Really? So, what’d you think of my old man?”

“I didn’t interact with him, I only watched him from a distance. He’s a lot taller than I remember,” Megami remarked. “He was more than a head taller than me. It’s rare to meet someone of that height.”

“Yup. He’s real fucking big. I’m pretty sure he used to like, wrestle or do judo or some shit in high school. I don’t know if anyone has the balls to take him on in a fight. If you think he’s intimidating now, you should have seen him when he got pissed,” she smiled dryly.

“I can only imagine…” One powerful punch from that man would probably knock someone out. Megami felt a little sick thinking about what Osoro might have been through. No wonder why she never fought back. 

“He used to be a gang leader. You can figure, right? Back in the 80s when delinquent gangs ruled the streets, he was out there raising hell with my mom apparently.”

So Osoro’s parents had come from that sort of background. It was somehow very unsurprising. “I can certainly see that. And he’s treating you okay?”

“Yeah. He’s pretty nice to me. It feels really weird, honestly, having him in the house and just acting… normal . Doctors told him exercise was good so he’s kinda just out and about the town. Ms. Kunahito has her eye on him at all times, so I don’t think he’s gonna try anything.”

“But you feel safe being around him?”

“I guess. I know I’m not going to be hurt, but I keep tensing up without even thinking. I keep flinching involuntarily and it’s so god damn annoying because it’s like my mind is working against me.”

“It’s only natural. You’ve… been through a lot, Osoro. Your mind isn’t going to get over all of that so easily. A couple of therapy sessions isn’t going to fix everything quickly.”

“Yeah. I’m still… struggling a lot. I still feel like crap a lot of the time. Hell, I still can’t sleep at night sometimes,” Osoro said. “But that angry fire that used to be inside me feels like it’s died down a lot. It’s just something I’ll have to keep working on.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m proud of you, Osoro, for keeping all of this up. It must be tough.”

“Thanks,” the blonde smiled. “You know, I got challenged by a gang recently, the one from Buzara. They were the ones that challenged me in front of the school during our first year.”

“Them? Was one fight not enough?”

“I’m telling you, Megami, they’re hellbent on vengeance. I disrespected them in front of everyone, so the only natural course of action is to reclaim their honor. It sounds stupid because it is. I turned it down, though. Convinced the boys not to do it either. I said I was done with fighting with these gangs.”

“Don’t they call you Invincible Under the Heavens ?” Megami asked amusedly. 

“ Oh my god ,” Osoro groaned. “Not you too. Where’d you even hear that?”

“I overheard Umeji mention it once.”

“People started calling me that after the Buzara gang incident in front of the school. I caught the attention of all the local gangs and I beat every single one of them too. It’s so fucking stupid and edgy. It sounds like a twelve year old’s shonen fantasy.”

Megami stifled her laughter. Osoro genuinely looked embarrassed from that nickname. “You think it’s stupid? It’s such a bold and flashy title. I think it suits you. But if you’re willing to give it up, I’m happy for you too.”

“You wanna know what it is? It’s delusion feeding into delusion. All bullshit. The longer I hold that title, the more other people will want to come for me to claim that nickname for themselves. If giving it up will make them stop, then I’ll do it.”

“I never thought I would hear those words coming from your mouth,” Megami folded her arms. “You’ve changed, Osoro. I’m very happy you’re choosing to keep yourself safe.”

Osoro shrugged. “Guess my eyes finally opened up.”

“I’ve always wondered… Did you really defeat one hundred delinquents by yourself that day?”

“Oh,” Osoro snorted. “I don’t know if it was one hundred. There were a lot, but I don’t think it was that many. I wasn’t really counting. But I definitely didn’t walk away without a scratch.”

“I’m well trained in self defense and I’m still in awe of how you came out of that without sustaining any major injuries. Is it true you beat one of the students so badly, he fractured his jaw?”

“Would it change anything if I said yes?”

Osoro had said that so calmly it was a little unnerving. For a second, Megami forgot just how strong Osoro was and how dangerous she could really be. She seemed so mild in comparison these days. That was a good sign, surely. 

“They still want to fight me, though,” Osoro said. “They’re probably going to try to jump me, get me by surprise and catch me off guard. The score hasn’t been settled yet, and they want to win.”

“I can help you do something about it. I can have them removed.”

Osoro chuckled. “You can’t get rid of gangs just like that, Megami. It doesn’t matter if you have your connections or whatnot. If you shut down one of them, another one will just pop up ‘cuz you’re not solving the deeper problem, the root of it all. People who join gangs only do so because they’re using it to cope with something else missing in their lives. If you can't deal with that first, nothing will change.”

“I don’t care about them. I care about you,” Megami put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m happy you’re feeling safer at home, but I want to ensure your safety outside of it too.”

Osoro stared at Megami’s hand and bit the inside of her cheek. “Let’s hear it, then. What’s your solution?”

“It’s like you say, I can’t solve the real problem. But I have enough influence where I can suppress gang activity through the police department. The easiest and simplest way to tackle this issue would be to have more security surrounding those areas. They could prevent gang members from passing through. Any suspicious looking person would be checked and noted.”

“Geez,” Osoro laughed. “You even have the police at your beck and call, huh?”

“Beck and call is the wrong word. Just… certain suggestions I can throw to the government that they would take more seriously than others.”

“It’s too much work, dude,” Osoro waved her off. “It’s fine. Getting actual law enforcement to do something for just one person is crazy.”

“No, I’m being serious. If it’ll help you, I have no qualms doing it,” Megami said. “Avoid taking your normal route home for now until I inform you that the changes have been made.”

And just like that, the decision had been made and Megami would no longer change her mind. 

“Well, I ain’t gonna stop you. I know you’re going to do it regardless.” 

“Only for you, Osoro.” Megami patted her on the shoulder before turning the corner. She had another class to get to, but Osoro already knew that. She had her schedule down by now.

The blonde went down the stairs of the building, entering the quad to find her friends. She stared at the ground, feeling her face getting warm. Megami was always willing to do so much for her - She was going to literally reach out to the fucking police just so she was safe, yet Osoro couldn’t return any favors. It was still hard fully comprehending why Megami did all of this for her. They were friends, yeah, but even for a friendship, this was insane.

She considered her first therapy session with Ms. Kunahito and their discussion on what love meant. 

In Ancient Greece, there were broadly six words of love, Ms. Kunahito had told her. Agape , a spiritual and godly love. Eros , romantic love. Philia, the love between friends. Storge , the love between a parent and child. Philautia , self-love. Xenia , the concept of hospitality, the love for strangers. Love isn’t so simple, you see. There are so many sides to it ,” she had said. Love came in different forms.

Did this mean… Megami loved her? The warmth in Osoro’s face rose in temperature into an uncomfortable heat. No. No, Osoro shook her head, that couldn’t be right. No. Right? Why would Megami…? There was no way… It’s not like she loved Megami… No, this wasn’t right. There was no reason for Megami to love her. There wasn’t much about her to love. She was just some girl trying to make her way in life, while Megami was the girl who was probably going to change the world. There was no way. She pushed down the thought in denial.

Chapter Text

It took two more weeks for Saisho Saikou to pass away. 

He died quietly, his heartbeat slowly fading into silence, his breathing getting more shallow until it was gone like a snuffed out torch. The entire Saikou family gathered at his bedside as the doctors pronounced him dead. Ichiro Saikou gently closed his eyes once and for all. His hands moved delicately and Megami could see all the emotions he was holding back in his eyes. Saisho Saikou may not have been the greatest father, but he was still a father to Ichiro nonetheless.

“It is finished,” Megami’s father said. He turned to one of the assistants accompanying him. “I already saw cameras outside. I want no paparazzi allowed within two hundred feet of the hospital. Have the pathways mostly clear out so our exit can be smooth. Start the funeral preparations immediately, and prepare his will to be carried out at once. Let us be swift in this. As soon as we leave the hospital, people will know.” The assistant nodded and Ichiro turned to another assistant. “Our stock will take a dip as soon as news breaks out. Have the board members execute our safety plan, and meet with the media manager for the next steps.”

Somehow, this moment Megami had been dreaming about wasn’t as exciting as she thought. She didn’t feel anything at all except the surrealism. Maybe the adrenaline would come after, when they would be constantly hounded by the press and media to speak on the matter. But for now, there was silence, as her father continued giving out commands.

“Mr. Saikou,” one of the assistants said. “There are already rumors circulating online that your father has passed.”

He sighed and pressed his fingers to his temple. “One of the nurses must have leaked it somewhere. These things circulate extremely fast. Which news outlet?”

Her father had always hated the paparazzi, as early as Megami could remember. She assumed he was just someone who liked privacy, which could have very well been true, but after speaking with Ichiko… It seemed more likely that after Ichiko’s disappearance, they had been in the spotlight by the media for a while. That event could have very well stirred his hate for the cameras.

“Nikkan Gendai just published an online article. The headline reads ' The Saikou Patriarch has finally bit the dust?’ ,” the assistant read out loud. “It seems… shoddy at best, but I have no doubts that other tabloids will be fast to pick up the news. They’re probably the ones waiting outside the hospital right now.”

“Nikkan Gendai… They are a tabloid, so their credibility will always be called into question by those who take the news seriously.” Ichiro grimaced. “But they are the biggest tabloid in Japan. While they get small facts wrong most of the time, they usually hit the major facts accurately.”

Megami watched the faces of everyone as her father continued to give out instructions to the scrambling assistants. They all kept straight and somber expressions, all thoughts hidden to themselves and unspoken. Was it all a farce? Would any of them be secretly celebrating at home tonight?

“What should we do, Mr. Saikou?”

“There is not much we can do at this point. Once the news is out, it is out. When someone deletes something from the internet, it will have already been reposted ten times.” He narrowed his eyes in thought. “Let our media manager handle this. I have too much on my plate right now. But if possible, I want legal action against Nikkan Gendai. It will be impossible to find out the person who started spreading the information, but we can certainly deal with the one who published it first.”

There was something to admire about her father, Megami thought. He kept his head calm in every single situation and could make these judgements and decisions immediately. While criticized over how his emotionless conduct felt inhuman, it certainly came in handy during these situations.

Megami watched him, impressed at how fast he acted. Then she continued watching the rest of the room. 

Her mother had turned away from the bed after a few moments and started making phone calls to others, probably dealing with all other company CEOs calling in. Mr. Miura had taken off his hat and bowed his head in respect. Kencho merely stared at Saisho Saikou’s face, trying to comprehend his death. Megami couldn’t tell what her brother was thinking. He had never hid the fact that he deeply envied Megami for being the firstborn and automatically being the “chosen” one, yet he never openly harbored any resentment for his parents or his grandparents, the very ones who had decided his fate as the “second choice”.

Megami glanced at the other people in the room to study their reactions. They were extended family who had traveled here to pay their respects for the next few days. Cousins, uncles, aunts, Saisho’s own siblings as well, they all fit in the hospital room together. Most of them Megami had seen them before at family gatherings. Though not all of them were in the business world, most of them were still successful and held highly respected professions, such as doctors, lawyers, scientists, etc. And all of them were renowned, whether through their work or through the fact that they were part of the Saikou family.

But none of them shed tears or broke down at the sight of his corpse. Perhaps it was because everybody knew Saisho’s time had come, so everybody had been prepared. It could also have been that no one truly felt upset about his passing.

Then she thought about herself. What did this mean for her? Her father had already been CEO for a while now, ever since her grandfather retired. That meant she would be promoted to Vice President soon, the rank below COO, which was the rank below CEO. Right now, she was the right hand man in training - There was no formal title she held currently, but that would change in a few weeks. It used to scare her, this idea that her fate would be sealed to something she couldn’t control. But now, it excited her because it meant she had power and that meant she could start making changes, no matter how small.

“Everyone, I would like your attention.” Ichiro cleared his throat. “Because most of you are known as members of the family by the public, it is necessary that we all know what to do. The moment we leave this hospital, everything will descend into chaos. Do not be surprised if there is a microphone and a camera constantly shoved in front of your face as you walk around in the city. People will ask us questions on how we intend to move on as a company from my father’s death. Give them no answer and refer them to Saikou Corp’s media manager if they refuse to leave.”

“How will the company move forward though?” Someone from the small group asked.

“We will have his funeral and distribute his inheritance according to his will, then we will deal with the stock market. I expect it will not take long to bounce back. We have been operating without him for years now, successfully too, might I add, so there will be no cause for concern over how Saikou Corp will run from here on out. We have never publicly announced it, but most people had figured it out when my father appointed me CEO. Any news outlet or business tabloid that has not realized he has not been in the picture for a while now is utterly foolish.”

“What about the funeral itself? Won’t that also attract the press?” Another one spoke up.

“Most likely,” he responded. “But we plan to have it in a secluded place, blocked off from the public. It will be an indoor funeral, as my father wished. Paparazzi could be watching from a distance, but only those who have received invites and their families are allowed to join and partake in the funeral.”

Megami’s mother joined in. “Invites will be sent out to all extended family up to the third degree, his friends, his business partners, his sponsors - Anyone who had a close relationship to him.”

Ichiro nodded. “I have prepared drivers to take all of us back to our residences. I highly encourage everyone to use their services as their windows are tinted and they know the best routes, but it is optional. If you have any questions regarding this, please contact me and I will respond as soon as possible. It will be a busy few days for me, and I hope you will all understand if I do not respond quickly when you reach out. I wish to stay longer, but the mob of cameras will start forming soon.” 

He gestured at the door. The family members started exiting the room one by one, each of them offering Ichiro their condolences as they left.

He was a good man… He changed the world forever… Exceptionally brilliant and will be missed… We share your sadness… We will keep your family in our thoughts…

Ichiro shook their hands as they all repeated their sympathies and solace, and he nodded and thanked them. When there was only Megami and his family left, he closed the door quietly.

“Have you informed the board and the other companies?” Ichiro asked his wife.

“All done. It’s better that they heard it from us than some random news outlet,” she responded.

“Thank you.” He sighed and returned to the bedside of his father. “It will be an intense month for us.”

For a split second, Megami thought she saw her father’s mouth quiver as he looked at Saisho Saikou. It must have been extremely difficult having to manage Saikou Corp while also dealing with such large grief. As much as Ichiro acted like a robot, he was only human. He had been through a lot himself too, people seemed to forget. Besides the intensity of being raised in the Saikou family, he had already lost his mother and his sister, and now he was losing his father. He was determined not to lose anyone else. 

Megami felt compelled to speak, seeing him unable to leave Saisho’s bed. It almost felt unnerving to see him in this state instead of his cold callousness. “Father… Are you alright?”

He straightened himself quickly from the bedside as if he was snapping himself out of a trance. “I am okay. I have to be okay. Otherwise everything will fall apart quickly.”

Then Megami’s mother placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Our daughter is right. This is a lot to process for anyone, Ichiro, even you. Would it really hurt to take a break for at least one day?”

“And since when have I ever taken a break? No, time is money. For each minute I miss, Saikou Corp falls behind. We need to stay on top.”

Megami’s mother pursed her lips. Ichiro was only a product of his upbringing, after all. “Do you want this room to yourself for a little bit? So you can talk with him?”

“He is gone. What is the point? He will not hear anything I say,” he said.

“Yes, but…” Megami’s mother tilted her head. “It can help.”

“...It’s fine.” Ichiro straightened his tie and quickly ran his fingers through his hair. “We should leave the hospital too. I am certain we have already made a few headlines by now. I will speak with the doctors before I leave, so you all can leave first.”

“You go on ahead, Ichiro. I’ll take the children with me back home.”

He opened the door and walked out promptly. It almost felt like he was trying to leave the room as soon as possible. He didn’t want to look at his lifeless father anymore.

“Will he be okay, Mother?” Kencho asked quietly. It was the first time he spoke this entire day. He was probably also unnerved by his father’s uncharacteristic emotion. 

“Your father is a complicated man, remember that. What he says is rarely what he really feels, and even he doesn’t recognize that sometimes.”

---------

Saisho Saikou had requested a traditional Buddhist funeral in his will. Not too long before his death, he purchased a large and lavish mausoleum for the family name in a graveyard where his own parents had been buried, and he expected his cremated ashes would be stored there. Typical Japanese burial sites had vertical stone monuments with an inscription of the deceased’s name. Only emperors in the past built mausoleums for themselves, but Saisho Saikou had insisted. He wanted to be on the same level as the old and great rulers of Japanese history.

The funeral service was in a Buddhist funeral home in the countryside, where Saisho had been born. Around five hundred people showed up to pay their respects. 

All the seats had been prepared and lined up through the room, admonished with flowers and decorations. Megami and her family sat in the front row, as her father and her great uncle welcomed people at the door. Her great uncle was the youngest brother of Saisho Saikou, old but still standing, and still healthy enough to be able to move around. The rest of his siblings were dead.

It felt like one of those large corporation conferences she would attend with her father, where hundreds of business leaders around the world would gather together in a room. There were tons of gifts presented by the guests, mainly fruit and flowers for the altar. The room was barely big enough to host five hundred people, and many had to stand in the back. 

It wasn’t long before everyone invited had shown up, and the Buddhist monks carried the closed casket to the front of the room. They clasped their hands and began their chants, wishing for the body to have a safe transition to a new existence. 

Reincarnation… Megami watched the monks curiously. She imagined what Saisho Saikou might have been reborn as. She didn’t really have an in-depth knowledge about Buddhism besides the basics, but she knew that the reincarnation process involved “karma”. And with her grandfather’s karma… Imagine, the great and mighty Saikou patriarch, reincarnated as a tiny fly that would be blown away by a gust of wind. No, Megami thought to herself. It felt a bit wrong to think of such things at his own funeral.

After the monks stood aside, Ichiro got up from his seat to stand behind the podium. He unfolded a small piece of paper from his front breast pocket to deliver his eulogy, and spoke loud and clear.

“Distinguished guests, the Saikou family extends our deepest gratitude for being here in a trying time. I am certain my father needs no introduction. We all know what he has accomplished through his lifetime, but not everyone knows what he had to do to get there. Today, I will honor him through a recounting of his life.

Born in 1928, in the year of the dragon, Saisho Saikou was born to two farmers, Ayaka Saikou and Daichi Saikou, in the very countryside we are in right now. He had five other siblings, three brothers and two sisters. His youngest brother is with us here today, but the others have passed on. As a family, they lived a frugal life. His father was an injured veteran in the first world war, and Saisho spent most of his time helping out with the farm. They raised animals and grew their crops and made an honest living. 

In the year of 1945, the nation called for all able men to serve in World War Two. At the age of 17, he joined the Imperial Japanese Army and was promptly deployed to Okinawa.

The Invasion of Okinawa was one of the most brutal battles ever fought in the war, as most historians have named it. It was the one that would forever change Saisho Saikou. During a night that would forever change his fate, the bunker he was living in with his comrades were bombed by the Americans, leaving almost no survivors. He was one of the few that the universe chose to save. Buried in rubble for hours and smelling nothing but smoke and corpses, my father was reborn as a new man. As he lay in the infirmary, he swore an oath. He would make Japan the greatest empire in the world through whatever means it took.

He did this through the creation of Saikou Corp, at the young age of 18. It was a good company with humble beginnings, and slowly but surely, he started creating. His first major invention was the microwave oven. At the age of 22, he married Akari Kinoshita, a woman introduced by his parents. As time continued, he went on to create the first computer hard disk, the pacemaker, cassette recorders, CDs, radios, cameras, televisions, and contributed to the first satellite within the next few decades. These inventions have gone on to have incredible impact in our daily lives. Saikou Corp grew and grew into one of the world’s greatest companies.

Along the way, he had two children. Ichiko Saikou and Ichiro Saikou, in that respective order. Saisho Saikou established Akademi High for the purpose of providing the best education for his children, as well as the most talented in the country. He gave his children all they could ever want in life. He hoped that his daughter could follow his footsteps… but as we all know, she left the company unexpectedly. This was a great tragedy for our family. Saisho Saikou appointed his son, Ichiro Saikou, as the new successor. 

Saikou Corp continued to thrive greatly. He made great contributions to the advancements of the modern world of technology, developing his own brand of smartphones that have become the most used phone in the world. There is no one in this world that has never heard of the Saikou name. Soon, he became a grandfather to two - Megami Saikou and Kencho Saikou. As he grew older and weaker, he handed over the reins of this company to his son.

Saisho Saikou died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 95, surrounded by loved ones.

He loved us. He loved this country. He taught me what it means to stand strong in the face of hardship. I will only ever be half the man he was, and I would be nothing without him. We will miss his sincerity, dedication, and brilliance. Thank you, Father, for all you have done for us.” 

Ichiro Saikou turned around and bowed deeply at the casket, then returned to the microphone. “We will now invite his brother, Ryoma Saikou to speak.”

Then Ichiro sat down again, next to his wife, and Megami watched him from the corner of her eyes. Ichiro’s expression remained blank as usual, but he rubbed his nose with a handkerchief. Could it be? He was crying? His eulogy had been rather formal with little personal thought, yet…

Megami listened closely to the crowd. Silence. No one was crying or grieving, it seemed.

When her great uncle finished speaking, he invited everyone to come up and pay their respects at the casket. One by one, they marched, stood there and bowed their heads then shuffled back to their seats like a conveyor belt. The monks lighted the incense and everyone watched them lift the casket again and walk out the building. He was to be cremated, in accordance with Buddhist tradition, then his ashes would be stored in the mausoleum.

And eventually the funeral service came to close, and everyone walked out the door. Megami and her family stood at the exit, shaking everyone’s hands and thanking them with a polite smile and a nod. 

Everyone gathered outside where some refreshments had been provided. The guests drifted around, mingling with each other in soft chatter. Many of them told Megami about how sorry they were and how unfortunate this entire situation was, and she put on her Saikou mask for the time being, thanking them for their support and condolences.

She couldn’t seem to feel anything. Not sadness. Not happiness. Just this weird disconnect between her and the crowd. She was part of the crowd, but she didn’t feel like she was part of it. Everything seemed so far away. 

In the distance, she saw a familiar looking figure who was standing alone by herself. A woman, long brown hair, around Megami’s height. She had a face mask on, sunglasses, and an umbrella.

“Hiromi?” Megami whispered. Was it really?... It was her, it had to be her. Why was she here? How? Did she sneak in? Could she have been invited , even? She wanted to walk to her, ask her, talk with her, even embrace her. But she knew better. 

They made eye contact for a few seconds. Hiromi tilted her sunglasses down, revealing silver eyes. She didn’t have her usual brown contacts in, it looked like. She smiled, and Megami smiled, and they acknowledged each other. Hiromi pushed up her sunglasses, nodded at Megami with a small wave of her hand, and she turned around to leave. It was the last time they would ever come face to face with each other for a while.

Megami’s phone buzzed and she checked the notification. A text from Osoro. It read, “ ik ur probably busy w the funeral rn or smth but wanna go to the lake sometime?”

“ Which one?” Megami replied.

“ Ik a small one near school we can walk to and like no one ever goes there"

She had never heard of a lake near Akademi High, but maybe it was one of those small secrets that got passed around by word of mouth. And no one ever goes there, Osoro had said… so they would be together, alone. 

“Got it. I can meet you at school at 4 pm tomorrow.”

Megami looked up from her phone. She wanted to be with Osoro right now, instead of this crowd of strangers. 

-------

The lake was actually just a large pond, which was why Megami had never heard of it.

“What’s the difference?” Osoro asked.

“If the body of water is shallow enough where plants can grow across the bottom, then it’s a pond. But if there’s an area deep enough where light can’t hit the bottom, then it’s technically a lake. Though that’s just a broad definition,” Megami responded. “Limnologists actually-”

“Check out how far I can skip this rock.” The blonde flicked her wrist in a snapping motion and a small flat stone flew across the water. It jumped across the surface of the water and went all to the middle of the pond before finally sinking.

“Impressive.” 

Osoro picked up another rock and tossed it around her hands. “So. How was the whole funeral thing?”

“It was… Okay? I didn’t really feel much. Not like I thought I would feel much.” Megami sat down on a large rock. “It’s more busy than anything. Endless meetings and interviews.”

“Oh, I bet. The funeral was broadcasted on like, every news channel.” The blonde threw the rock in a sharp snap and it skidded across the water. It went farther this time and a grin split across her face.

“We’ve been bombarded nonstop by cameras and questions.” Megami sighed. “After this school year is over, my father is going to promote me to Vice President.”

“Oh shit.” She stopped smiling. “That’s like. Not a good thing, right?”

“Well… It used to be something I was worried about. Remember how I met my aunt and I got to talk to her?”

“Yeah. Her escape story and whatnot.” Osoro sat down on a rock next to her. “I still can’t believe you just found her like that.”

“I thought about it. I want to make a change in this company, you know that. I want to make all the wrongs right. And I can’t do that by leaving this behind. I have to make a change from the inside out,” Megami said.

Megami didn’t mention how she’d been thinking about her father’s silent grief. His mother, his sister, his father, all these people of his family were gone. Megami couldn’t imagine how he would react if he lost his own daughter too, to have that cycle repeat again. It would probably break him beyond repair.

“So you’re not gonna walk out on all of them?”

Megami shook her head. “Life never turns out how we expect it to.”

“Hey, I mean. It’s the safest idea. It makes the most sense. I believe in you, dude. Only you could probably do this sorta thing. No one else.”

“It’ll be tough,” Megami said. “The Vice President role can only do so much without the approval of the higher ups. I can’t make sudden drastic changes.”

“Then do it slowly. No one’s rushing you except yourself.”

“I won’t have the COO title until I finish university. Then even after that, it could take me ten, twenty years, even, to finally see a difference.”

“So? The time will pass anyway.” 

Megami couldn’t help but smile. Yes, the time would pass anyway. Time was going to keep passing, regardless of whether or not she was working towards her goal. Time couldn’t scare her. She could never give up on this just because it could take her entire life to accomplish. 

“It sounds like Ms. Kunahito’s proverbs have been rubbing off on you,” Megami joked. “You’re getting more and more wise.”

“Shuddup,” Osoro lightly nudged her. “I’ve been spending a lotta time around her. What can ya expect?”

“It’s good. You seem a lot more… Happy, these days, if that’s the right word.”

“You think so?”

“You smile more often. You don’t look as tired as you used to. You’re a lot more attentive during class. I never have to remind you to do things but when I do, you do them without complaining as much. Small things like that.”

Osoro stared at her, mildly surprised. “You actually pay attention to that sorta stuff?”

“Of course. I’m supposed to look after you.”

“Right, right, Class President, gotta care about your classmates or whatever,” Osoro said. “Almost forgot about that.”

“I mean, I’m not just the Class President. I’m also your tutor specifically and Ms. Kunahito wants me to watch after you ,” Megami said. She glanced at Osoro. “You mean a lot to me, Osoro.”

Osoro looked away from Megami, then returned her gaze to the water. She swallowed, trying her best not to say something stupid. “You mean a lot to me too.”

“This past year has been insane, hasn’t it? Even more so for you, I imagine.”

“Yeah. Sure has,” Osoro agreed. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and cleared her throat. “It… it’s thanks to you, Megami. I don’t even know, like, how to put it into words. If you had never bothered to check up on me… If you hadn’t told Ms. Kunahito…” She bit her lip. “I’d be in a much darker place right now. It’s kinda scary to think about the worst that could’ve happened.”

“I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy. I can’t count the amount of times where I felt like I was messing something up. I’ve never really handled anything like it before.”

“Back then, I shut myself away from everyone, and when anyone even tried to get close, I would act like an ass towards them.” Osoro pulled her knees to her chest. “I didn’t feel like I could trust anyone. I thought everyone was just trying to hurt me. What a shitty feeling.” She let out a big sigh and rested her head against her knees. “But you were still there, trying again and again to reach me. You took that chance and bet on a losing dog.”

“I would bet everything on you.”

Oh, fuck. Heat spread through Osoro’s face. Osoro turned her head away from Megami, trying hard not to show her reaction, but it didn’t go unnoticed. And then Megami got up from her rock to sit even closer to Osoro.

“Did you know? You’re the only person I’ve ever told all of this to,” Megami said quietly. “From those desires to leave my life behind, all the way to meeting my aunt in secret. I have never told anyone but you.”

“...Not even Aoi Ryugoku?”

“I’ve told her about my self-doubts, but that’s the extent of it. Aoi is my best friend. I would trust her with my life. I’ve known her since we were small children and our families know each other too. But that’s why I can’t tell her anymore. I don’t want to ruin her entire perception of me that she’s been building up for so long. I don’t want to burden her with the knowledge that I’m probably not who she thinks I am.”

“So…” Osoro couldn’t face Megami directly. She was still blushing like mad. “If you don’t tell anyone this sorta stuff… Not even your best friend… then… Then… What does that make me?”

It was time to just say it out loud, Megami decided. She had been dancing around it for forever now. 

“What do you think?” Megami grabbed her hand gently, brushing her thumb over her callused knuckles. She didn’t know the answer herself, really. She had never thought about it too hard - Osoro had always been there when she needed her. Osoro was Osoro, and there was no further explanation needed for Megami. She didn’t really want to put a label on what Osoro meant to her, but seeing Osoro so flustered only made her want to continue. 

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck what do I even say? Osoro swallowed but it seemed like her mouth had been wired shut. Her heartbeat was pounding so loud, she could barely hear her own thoughts.

Megami noticed her hand slightly trembling under hers and she let go. “I’m sorry, am I triggering you? I’ll-”

“Do you love me, Megami?” Osoro finally managed to croak out. Her eyes refused to look up from the floor. That question she’d been pushing down inside her for so long was out in the open, and she immediately wanted to take it back. 

“C’mere.” Megami put a hand on Osoro's shoulder, leaned in, and pressed her lips gently to the side of her head. It was a soft kiss, and she made sure it wasn’t direct or sudden. Any more than that was overstepping boundaries that Osoro had. “Does that answer your question?”

Osoro turned into another shade of red. She buried her face in her hands, refusing to look up. All she could scream in her head was fuck . Megami just fucking kissed her. It was a small peck, but that was still a fucking kiss . This wasn’t real. She was dreaming. That was the only way for all of this to make sense.

“Your face is burning,” Megami laughed. Watching Osoro about to implode because she didn’t know how to react was endearing. It was probably her first time experiencing any sort of real physical affection.

“I- Wha- You-” Osoro sputtered out. She finally looked at Megami, blood still rushing in her ears, blinking fast. The President only had an amused smile.

“You should take a few deep breaths,” Megami suggested playfully. “You look like you’re about to melt.”

“You really…” Osoro rubbed her face. “You really like me? That way?”

“Do you want me to make it more clear?”

“No- I just…” She inhaled deeply then forced it all out. Breathe, you dumbass . “I’m just... confused.”

“Confused about what?”

“ Love . I’m having a real hard time understanding what love is supposed to be. You… love me. But… I don’t really get it.” 

Megami smiled. Confusion was expected. Osoro had never really known what healthy love was supposed to look like, after all. Megami was the first one to really show her what it was, even if it took this long for Osoro to realize. “You’re not supposed to understand it. It’s something you feel. ” 

“...Oh.” Osoro swallowed. That made a lot more sense. No wonder why she couldn’t wrap her head around it. It wasn’t something to be put into words. It wasn’t something she could study and inspect. She just had to let it sit inside her. 

They both instinctively knew their relationship was special. It wasn’t something they could parade around in school like other students. It wasn’t something they could admit in front of other people or even their friends. It had to be discreet. Shared glances, playful teasing cleverly disguised as banter, more tutoring sessions, texting each other when no one was watching. It was a secret only they could share between each other, some sort of forbidden matter that no one but they could know. They couldn't reveal it publicly, but that only made it more special in their eyes. 

When the sun had finally set, they got up from the rocks they were sitting on. Any more time spent here would make Megami’s father wonder what she was doing at school for so long. It was time to go home back to their lives. Nothing felt different between them, oddly. Perhaps it was because the relationship had always been there, it was only now they had fully manifested it into words.

They shared a hug. Osoro buried her head into Megami’s shoulder quietly, closing her eyes and trying not to be overwhelmed by everything. Megami felt how tense Osoro was in her arms, and she ran her hand through her mess of blonde hair. 

“You’re going to be okay, Osoro,” Megami murmured in her ear. “We’re going to be okay.”

And Osoro held onto her a little tighter, feeling hot tears forming in her eyes. 

-------

That night, Osoro laid in her bed. Chibi was fast asleep in his cage, her father was asleep in his bed too. The window was open, the night breeze was flowing, the stars shined brightly, and there was this warmth in her chest that she didn’t recognize. 

She brought out the shogi tile she had won from Megami back when they first played together. It was the King piece, the most important player of the board. To lose the King piece was to lose the game. Osoro had always found herself staring at the shogi tile whenever she was deep in thought. She considered it her lucky charm, but it was more than that to her. If there was one thing she could never let go, it was this little wooden piece that never left her pocket.

Osoro held up the King piece to the window and moonlight spilled over it, illuminating it in the dark room.

“Love.” A smile spread across her lips. “I get it now.”

In a little while, Osoro will wake up to her father making breakfast for the two of them. They will talk about the news of Saisho Saikou’s death over poorly made omelets, and Osoro’s father will reminisce on his wild youth like he does every morning. She will get a text that reads ‘Good morning’ from Megami, and she will respond to it with a grin on her face. She will walk to school, followed by her friends, and they will see the flag raised half mast in honor of Saisho Saikou. A special assembly will be held in honor of their school’s founder. Megami will be standing on stage and Osoro will make eye contact with her, and both of them will resist smiling at such a serious event. Then Osoro will go to class and sit next to Megami, and they will have their little tutoring session but instead talk about unrelated things. After class, Osoro will go see Ms. Kunahito to talk for an hour or two and she will leave, feeling too tired to do anything else but go home and trudge through her homework. The stress and the jumbling words will make her irritated and she will miss her pack of cigarettes. At night, she will be restless, unable to sleep as memories flood her head again. She will try meditating techniques that Ms. Kunahito has taught her, and it will help, if just a little.

But for now, she is in her bed and her blanket is warm and her problems seem far away. For now, she sleeps peacefully and everything seems right in her world.

Chapter Text

2 years, 5 months, 9 days, 101,169 words later… An Empty Bathroom finishes.

It feels weird to say that. I started this during the pandemic as a high schooler when writing became my escape from reality, and now I’ve graduated and I’m waiting for college to start. I know it took me a crazy amount of time to finish this story, especially when most large fics like this tend to wrap up in like, a year at most. It took around two months to finish a chapter on average, which led to some inconsistencies because my own perception of these characters were changing too. This sounds so cheesy but as I continued writing throughout these essential years of my life, I felt myself mentally growing up alongside them too. Going from just more edgy ideas to more mature dialogue and concepts. I guess that’s what happens when you spend almost everyday thinking about this for years.

This quote by Haruki Murakami, an author I’d been reading at the time, sat in the back of my head the entire story. 

“One heart is not connected to another through harmony alone. They are, instead, linked deeply through their wounds. Pain linked to pain, fragility to fragility.”

And when I read that quote, my neurons activated and I started writing. You could say that quote inspired this fanfiction - To have two characters dealing with their own issues coming together and getting closer because of it. 

When I first started writing, I didn’t intend for it to be a romance because I’m not that good at it, but the more I wrote, the more I realized that was the path it seemed like it was going on. It’s less intentional and more of a natural ending. Their relationship was more complex than just physical attraction and tbh, I don’t think it ever was a part of it. The core of this story wasn’t inherently romantic, like there were definitely scenes of them explicitly pining for each other, but it’s more about the relationship developing through all those other moments. Their relationship isn’t built on romance if you honestly think about it, but that’s why it’s even better. 

And the factor of them just appreciating each other’s company and acknowledging the fact that they’re going through so much to the point it just seems like a joke. Like Osoro says in Chapter 11. Destiny. Most importantly, finally confirming that they see each other more than just pals doesn’t really solve any problems. They have each other, but it's not like that's an automatic cure for everything.

This was my first ever BIG fanfic with multiple chapters. I actually had been wanting to write a story like this for a long time - Not really Yandere Simulator because let’s be real, but it was this character dynamic specifically. I’m not exactly sure why I picked Yandere Simulator specifically to be the basis of the story, especially since I haven’t really played the game since it was released. I think YanDev got into some scandal once again and that made me remember the good old days when Yandere Simulator was just a fun little indie game Youtubers were playing. Like I said in the story notes, I remembered Osoro and her backstory and her character, and it felt right. Almost everything about her was spoilers, so I took that creative liberty and basically rewrote her story. But if I wanted to write her story, I needed one more character that would help her.. And I chose Megami, instinctively. It felt right. 

Originally this was going to be a one shot, but a reader convinced me to write more. I had no idea where the story would go at the time, because this is very much a “rare pair”. At the time, there were only two other fanfics that involved Osoro/Megami, the first one was discontinued years ago and the second was in another language and has since been deleted. So I kinda just wrote more and published because I didn’t think anyone was gonna read it anyways, but I was wrong!! So wrong!

So my advice to anyone out there who wants to write something but is scared it won't receive any attention - It will, in due time. It might be small, but it'll mean a lot to someone out there reading it. And after my fanfic went up, I noticed a few more Osoro/Megami pairing fanfics went up too. So follow your heart or whatever. 

----

About Megami:

Megami was challenging to write, I’m not going to lie. I didn’t have a good grasp on where exactly her character was going until a little later, and it’s kinda shaky in the beginning. Who she was in like, chapter 4 is different than who she was in chapter 11. Obviously, I wanted her to be more than just “The Class President who seems perfect but is cracking under pressure”, I didn’t want her to just be someone that’s only there to serve Osoro. I wanted her to stand as her own character and have her deal with her own problems. But that didn’t feel enough. It was too obvious, too cliche. I was originally planning to have her plot as something like the show Succession, where there was a lot more family drama and there would be a battle for inheritance… but it didn’t work out because I wanted to stay in line with canon as much as I could.

Her characterization was one thing - The other thing was this really big question of how her actual plot would play out, and where she would be by the end of the story. It would have to do with Saikou Corp, but running away from her responsibilities and having a dramatic exit felt a little too unrealistic. I went for the middle ground and made a compromise. Running away wouldn’t solve anything in the end, Megami recognizes. Doing what her aunt did would only continue the cycle, and the responsibility would only pass onto Kencho. And she’s all about breaking tradition.

I think part of Megami’s protectiveness of Osoro kind of stems from that desire for control, like Chapter 9. I imagine she has something of a savior complex because it gives her that sense of having control of a situation, namely Osoro’s (which she doesn’t - Kind of reflected in that weird fever dream in Ch 9). That savior complex doesn’t stem from a selfish intention but rather the opposite. She’s a good person from a family of bad people. She wants to be good because she is good - Good as in the concept of righteousness and justice, not the simple adjective. And Megami’s eagerness to help Osoro and improve her situation because it’s the right thing to do - There’s a bit of irony in it because Osoro hates the idea of needing to be protected, but it’s only with Megami that she allows herself to be vulnerable, which lets her slowly open up to Ms. Kunahito.

Megami’s desire to meet her aunt wasn’t just a “I need to make reparations for the past”, but also a desire to see the potential of what her life could have been. Megami entering Ichiko’s house was like entering an alternate universe for her. She longs for a taste of normality, just like Osoro, but she will never get that because she is a Saikou. It’s something beyond her control, even Ichiko tells her that one person can’t change everything. So in that sense she stops wanting to have control over everything, and she starts accepting that she won’t be leaving Saikou Corp, she has to leave Osoro up to Ms. Kunahito, she has to find other ways through her intellect.

She’s smart and talented naturally, but instead of using that smartness to continue the cycle, she chooses to use it for good. It’s something of this redemption… not necessarily of herself but of her family. It starts from her. She can’t change everything but she can be the start of it.

About Osoro:

Osoro was probably my favorite character to write. She has almost nothing going for her, and all those burdens she has to carry are starting to damage her to the point of literal PTSD. She believes she killed her mother, her father abuses her, she never fights back or does anything about it, she basically had to raise herself, a lot of gangs are looking to challenge her, she has a pretty bad and inaccurate reputation in school.. The list goes on. Who doesn’t love an underdog?

But I made sure she wasn’t just “I'm broken and sad because I’m being abused and I need to be saved by someone.” Being edgy is fun to write, but there has to be more depth. In the beginning I mentioned she liked Taro Yamada once, but that comes from a place of liking anyone who treats her nicely and not genuine love. She doesn’t completely hate her father - She actually still loves him, of all things, and even she finds that confusing herself. Her self hatred and self pity comes from not only internalizing all the abuse and believing it to be true, but also the guilt of her mother dying... all of that mixing into an ugly combination of incredibly low self esteem and intense trauma. Everyone has different ways of processing these traumatic events and abuse. For Osoro, it’s anger and distrust, which leads her to become such an infamous delinquent. And the result of that is even more guilt for becoming a “bad” influence for the boys. 

These delinquency issues - violence, smoking, disrespect of authority, etc.. It’s all a coping mechanism. Ms. Kunahito points it out in Chapter 6 and 10, and Osoro outright acknowledges it in Chapter 14. It’s very self destructive behavior, and she likes feeling physical pain more than all that mental pain she’s going through. I never dipped into physical self-harm past smoking,mainly because it’s just very uncomfortable for me to write, even though that could be a realistic response from someone going through that.

While she wasn’t some tragic character that needed to be saved, someone had to stop her before it got too far. Osoro has never been taught to accept help - The opposite, if anything. From all she’s experienced, everyone ends up hurting her in some way or the other. She’s been building these walls around her and she thinks no one can be trusted. It’s just she doesn’t know how to climb out of that hole, and it takes Megami and Ms. Kunahito to show her. Like imagine if Megami or Ms. Kunahito didn’t step in. This stuff had been happening on a pretty regular basis already - The story starts when Osoro’s reaching her breaking point. And if she continued to spiral… god knows where she would be.

Throughout the whole story, she wrestles with this concept of love. Her perception of it is sooo screwed up that she only thinks it’s like what couples have towards each other. So when she’s on the receiving end of it, she misinterprets it and lashes out. Maybe it’s also the fact that she thinks she’s unlovable. But yeah, last chapter where she finally understands it, it completes the character arc.

I think a lot of you guys have left comments about how you identify with Osoro - And I think that’s because all of us have been hurt before and all of us have flaws. She’s been through a lot of things and the way she views herself is definitely a more universal experience. Osoro, as a character, is a lot more relatable than someone like Megami, and that’s only natural given that Megami is a Saikou. It’s probably why I found it much easier to write Osoro than Megami - I could draw from some pretty negative self-loathing I used to have towards myself lol. 

The shogi tile that kept getting brought up was important too. It’s first mentioned in Chapter 5 and I wish I started to bring it up earlier. Osoro wins it from Megami and it’s revealed that it was the first time Megami realizes there’s something more to Osoro than what meets the eye. Osoro’s incredibly smart! I really wanted to break that stereotype of a dumb delinquent who’s on the verge of failing. She got into Akademi High for a reason. But anyways - That shogi tile means a lot to Osoro, she always fidgets around with it throughout the chapters. It’s a symbol of hope, which was mentioned in the last chapter with the whole “To lose the King piece was to lose the game” = The moment she loses hope, she loses everything. But it’s also heavily associated with Megami. You could say that they’re actually intertwined, and Megami is that hope. 

Some other side characters I want to share my thoughts on - 

Osoro’s father: 

Giving him a voice in the story was interesting for me to think about. I didn’t want him to just be an alcoholic that’s completely unsympathetic and have absolutely no redeemable qualities towards him. But I also didn’t want him to be sympathetic to the point where it seems like his actions are excused. Like yeah, he’s a piece of shit but what else? So I think it was important for him to show remorse and give some insight into how he became like this, and potentially why Osoro still loves him. I’m fortunate enough not to be able to draw from my own real life experience, but I find that people who struggle with alcoholism aren’t monsters or are self-aware they have a problem. 

What I wanted to do with his character is develop that theme of generational cycles of abuse. Osoro’s father’s also came from a family of abuse, he met the love of his life only to lose her, turns to drinking to escape from that, only to end up just like his parents. It takes a near death experience to change him. So it comes down to Osoro to break that cycle, which also parallels how Megami has to break the cycle in her family too. 

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give him a redemption, he kinda gets one but not really? Like he gets sober and reintegrates back into normal life, and he can try his best to make it up to Osoro - But only Osoro has that power to forgive him. There’s no full and easy redemption.

Ms. Kunahito:

I first want to point out irl if Osoro’s case ever happened, the teacher would immediately take action and not wait it out with the whole CPS case. That part wasn’t realistic, but I needed to show that Ms. Kunahito was trying to take action in some way or the other. She’s faced with the pressure of losing her job if she doesn’t suspend Osoro. Ms. Kunahito’s role is more to serve as that mother figure Osoro never had, to point her in a direction when no one else can.

She also feels and carries that responsibility for Osoro because I believe she’s also a genuinely good person, and wants to do the right thing. She also kind of deals with that guilt of being forced to suspend Osoro while knowing her situation, as well as what happened with the other delinquents. She can recognize that she made a major mistake with the boys, and Osoro’s not like them, and she refuses to let Osoro spiral any further. Important mother figure in Osoro’s life, but should also note that none of it would have happened without Megami.

Umeji:

I would’ve liked to write more on Umeji but I ended up not doing so, or else it would’ve pulled away from the plot. He idolizes Osoro the most out of the boys. He’s convinced that he would be dead without her, and his love for her goes way beyond a crush. It’s a feeling of intense admiration and respect, he holds the fact that he would be no one without her. I don’t think it’s inherently a blind admiration, he knows that Osoro is a troubled individual and has gone through a lot, but it doesn’t make him see her flaws. It makes him see her strength through it all. It’s a very one sided feeling. He just doesn't realize imitating her isn't solving any problems he has with himself, which is also why Osoro wants to be a better person - So Umeji and the other delinquents can change too.

Saikou family members:

Ichiko - There’s still a lot that could be touched upon with Ichiko, but I hope I gave her enough detail and backstory where you can grasp what sort of person she’s supposed to be. She still carries a lot of self-depreciation from the past and a lot of inferiority issues, but she’s had time to settle into herself a bit. Again, with the whole foil to Megami. She is supposed to be a Megami in another universe, who’s had the chance to look into herself and figure out who she really is.

Ichiro - His character changed quite a lot from when he was first introduced to when he was last seen. He was robotic, emotionless, etc. But I also feel like he’s another product of his upbringing. He had to pick up where his sister left off. Surely that had to have some sort of emotional impact on him. 

Megami’s mother - I wish I wrote more about her. There’s a lot of potential to be explored, with what does it look like to be a somewhat normally functioning Saikou family member, what does it feel like to be a woman in the Saikou family, that sort of thing.

Kencho - In another universe, he would have been Megami’s major antagonist for this story. But I figured.. if Megami is a good person, she would never have ever really hated her own brother. 

So in conclusion  -  Why did I write a whole novel for a game that’s barely alive that even I don’t keep up with? Idk tbh. Could I have written the same exact thing for a bigger fandom and gotten way more attention? Yeah, probably. I don’t regret it though, even if this fic never reaches over like, 300 kudos and gets buried under other fanfictions, never to see the light of day again. Whatever!! It just felt right. When I remembered that these two existed, I knew it had to be them, no one else. It’s a passion type of project. I wrote it for myself, in the end. I wanted to see it finished as much as any other person.

Scrapped plot ideas:

• Megami’s plot following more of a Succession style plot, where there would be more family drama involving Kencho + her immediate family, and it would involve Kencho sabotaging Megami in some way.
• Ms. Kunahito calling Child Protective Services after Chapter 10 and taking legal custody of Osoro. Seeing her beat up that badly + her father literally almost drinking himself to death will be the final nail in the coffin, as she deems Osoro’s father as a complete failure.
• Osoro being jumped one day by the Buzara gang + other gangs who have formed an alliance to take revenge on her. All those people she’s fought come back to hurt her. It doesn’t go well for Osoro at all. This plot point was originally going to lead to Megami overhearing about it and going to Osoro’s house to treat her wounds.
• Bonus chapter maybe, of Osoro’s parents in the past. It would’ve been a short POV from their perspective. Who they were, how they ran away and tried to start new. Basically an expansion of what Osoro’s father was telling Osoro in Ch 11. I thought it was unnecessary so I decided not to. Leave it up to imagination.
• I had a few inklings of thought relating to Kiyoko Tatsuhara, an unreleased character who was rumored to have a sibling at Akademi, which everyone knows it’s Osoro lmfao… She was supposed to be a student council member but got scrapped, but now it seems as if she might be some sort of staff?

This is my actual Last Goodbye. I’m done with this fanfiction for real now. It feels like I’m saying goodbye to an era of my life, and it lowkey is. I’ll still be out here writing other stuff, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever do something of this size again lol. If you have any questions about literally anything, feel free to leave them below and I will absolutely answer all of them. 

Until later. Farewell.